of the Episcopal - V ,..Ttlatinn TlltUO.THE LANDLADY'S STORY. he had my spectacles before church-tim- e,

and once put his poor Uncle Pinner'sSAVANNAH COURIER.

FUBUSHED EVERY THURSDAY.

monly supposed; where the two senseiof tho word are alii ad by an easy meta-phor, and may consequently be foundin more than one language. We give

prsv v., ..,' ,.--

' I

PIANO-MAKER- S.

Where They Come From and the FayThey Receive.

In Germany a fine piano-mak- er itclassed as an artht; in this country heis a mechanic of a higher order. Thereare about six hundred men employedin tho different branches of piano-mak-in- n

in this citr. Some are paid bv the

Did you Sup

Mustang Liniment orygooaposefor horses? It is for inflamma.

ticn of all flesh,

DR. JOHN BULL'S

mimmFOR THE CURE OF

FEVER and AGUEOr CHILLS and FEVER, ,

AND ALL MALARIAL DISEASES.

The proprietor of this oelebratod medioins)

Justly claims for it a superiority over all remedies ever offered to thepublio for the SAFE,m?PTTW SPEEDY and PERMANENT cure)

of Ague and Fever.or Chills and Fe.ver,whether of short or long standing. He refers to thsentire Western and Southern oountry to bearhim testimony to ths truth of the assertiottthat in no case whatever will it fail to oure ifthedirectionsareitrictlyfollowedandcarriedoat. In a great many cases a single dose hasbeen sufficient for a oure, and whole familieshave been oured by a single bottle, with a per-

fect restoration of the general health. It is,however, prudent, and in every case more cer '

tain to cure, if its use is continued in smallerdoses for a week or two after the disease hasbeen checked, mors especially in difhoult and

g cases. Usually this medicinewill not require any aid to keep the bowels iagood order. Should the patient, however,

three or four doses of the Tonio, a single dosaof KENT'S VEGETABLE FAMILY PILLS

will be sufficient. Use no other.

DR. JOHN BULL'SSMITH'S TONIC SYRUP,

BULL'S SARSAPARILLA,

BULL'S WORM DESTROYER,

The Popular Remedies of the Dai .

Prluclpal Odlrs, 831 Main St,, LOl'lSmi.E.KT,

Seouro XZoAltZx.KENT'S PILLS cure

SICK HEADACHE, HEARTBURN,DYSPEPSIA, CONSTII-- M l ivin,

INDICESTION. BILIOUSNESS,Unmfloh TmnhlAt. Llvnp DltfloultleS.

And ALL Disorders of tl.i8TO1A('ll and BOWELS,

fM" They uliould bo kept on hand In every House.

B. B. KENT, Jr., Uuiufacturur, LouUrilu, Ky. '

TO IllVT. 11 II.TII Til K LI VKB XISTHK KKIT1NORDKR.

InYSANFiORDfS,

iBaeure for Livor CnmplftinU and ills oanBril by aderanKd or torpid con d it ion of the Jiiver, as Dyapepai!i,i(i)ritipatinn. BiliousneRS. JiiuTidicc, Heanache,lialaria.UliwumiitirtHi, eti It rRulnteH the bowels.

LHirint'H iiib utiHMi, hi tin ki iKiiin iw nyi"iii.AN INVALUAPLE FAMILY MEDICINE,

ThounandHnl Prove itn Merit.KT DUUOUISI WILL TELL HOD ITS REFUTATION.

No Hops to Cut Gff Horses' Manes.

II .....I ltlEllll.t' l omMntMl.cn not lie upicuiy any ir ria. Bam-plo lliillcr to nny part ol tne u. h.

on ruc'l'l oi r.ui.i i,y nilluifilery, llurdwarn'snd llarnrxg,

Spwlal to tin-Trade. IT' Send tor l'rlce-I.tM- .

tj. ijiauTHUUBK.imciieiiicr.fi.i

J J syilMlHhll'ul eiiiiiloynientl;y aiid profitable. No Ifooklnn, KinlliiiK,

n.. Vtl'.ivinir. 1 ImR HIlV kind of clotl!(new or old), riura or yarn. A Unndsoma Turklallltiis made Tfiih 2. rts, worth of carpet waste

TUT DCADI IM'ti 9IAKKK can b usedI Tit rtAnL on nil iiiiirlilnen. or

by hand. A wonderful invontioD, It M'llantsiKnt.j'rleo SI.OO, iiantimiil. Aaenla Wnnled.I jr Send vtanip for ciroulara, tenna, and territory.J .NO. U. UOli'latiVO WIS luia St., Ckleasa.

.None Oenulne Snleil bearing this Stamp

JAMES MEANS' $3 SHOE.IMaJo in Button, Congress and

i. ace. JJfil Latjtifan. uiicxccnciiin liuraoimy, jowrt ami.Appearand. K postal cardscat 10 ua win uniiK you in- -

formation now to getthis fihoe In any gtaie

or Territory.jneuiia mi o-- i41 Lincoln rit.

B.4a VSStnrITJt Uotou,Mass

The BITTERS' OUTDB Isissued Sept. and March,each wear, tw 258 pages,8xll,''2 lnclies,wlth o vex3,SO0 tlluatratlonawhole PictureGIVES Wholesale Prices

dttvrt to roinumei on nil nooila forpersonal or family use. Tells how to,order, aud frlvrs exact coat of every-thi- ng

you use, eat, drink, wear, or'have fun with. These I V ALUAULKBOOKS contain Information glranrd.from the market of the world. WojwUl mall copy FBKK to any ad-

dress upon receipt of 10 cts. to defray,expense of mailing. Let us hear frontyou. Respectfully, )

MONTGOMERY WARD & CO.82T 3k 829 Wabash Avenue, Chicago, 111,

Frightful Case ofa Colored IVIan.

1 cnntnif'tpd firfn. can nf hlorvrl rtnlnnn In lIwfl8trtat(diiltthnultlntiiO(ltiB of Morcury andPotasli, which bnitiKUt en rhemrattMii and Impairedmy dilative orKRiin. livery John Iu mo w;ia ewolk'iund f i. H of pain. When I whb pfvrn up to die, myMiyRirmna Hnm(rni it wouin 19 ft (rMH iimi to lenthe virtues of swift's . 1 linnmved from ilia

very first dose. Foon tho rheumaifsm left me, mfPpeiitu beeanift all rinlit, srul the uli'i'm, whkh tho)doetorsold were the most frltrhiful he had ever seen,hei?nn to hettl, nwi by the nrst of October, 1KH4, 1 was ftwell mau again. LLM Mut'Li.Ni()N.

LTTI Afrricnrlnr, horn horn In thn emnlnv nf iha(.ompsnv for some yran mid I kauW

thcttbove ttlHiemrntulo ! trim. w. It. C'horbv.MamiRer (. y Co. At.anta UlvlfluU,

Atlanta, Ca., April 18, 18S5. ,Treat. on Blood and Skin niseasrsmalled free.T nk Swift Ni'Kfirm Cii.. Itiauur tt. AU&niji dm.

N. Y,15T W.ffiUSU

fhs Red School House Shoe.

Diocese of Utah, tolls this joke on nira-tol- f:

"A Mormon Bishop was in

former years the County Recorder of

Salt Lake County. I wont to nave adeed recordod. When I asked, 'Howmuchlsthoihargo?' he nnsworod, On,

nothing.' adding as ho put his natmfamiliarly on my shoulder, 'Wo Bishopsmust favor each other.' "

PROGRAMME OF FAIR "WEEK

IN ST. LOUIS.

GREAT ST. LOUIS FAIR.

What Can Ho Been For One Admission of Stny Cents.

The SSth Gront St. Louis Fair, opens ooto.berSth and continues six days; ,3,0fl0l8 of.lered In cash premiums to be illatrlhntodanion the exhibitors of Jlorses. t Rio,Sheep, Swine and Poultry ; Machinery, Me-

chanical and Industrial displays, Worka ofArt, Textile Fahrlcs. l'rodnce, rrults, aimVegetables, Geological and Chemical Specimens.

MmAmrir. mnnK'ff jtatr flnoVNO.The collection of Wild Ueasls, Illrds and

Keptllos on the Ground of the Associationcompares favorably with any ZoologicalGarden In the World, and will bo opened freeto all visitors to the Fair. Numerous solu-tions have been made to this Departmentand It Is now complete in nil Its di tails.

KKW IMPROVKMSNTS ON FAIB OliOUSn.Slxtv-flv- acres have been added to the

Ground, and .W,000 expended In Improve,mpnta onmnrfihpnillnff A full mile raeeconrse, 700 new Horse Stalls, 600 now cattlestall, son Sheep and Swine Pens, a PoultryIlnnse for 3,000 Fowls, twenty-elRh- t new Ex-

hibition Halls and Pavilions. Applicationsfor Stalls or Tens should be made at once.

Trotting and racing Kacrs Kvury Day,The horses contcnillnir being the most cel

ebrated In the country.GRAND ILLUMINATION.

Tliirlnir the entire week the streets of thecity will bo Illuminated by 150,000 ns Jets, In-

termingled with hundreds of calcium, Incandescent and arc electric ugnta.

VETI.KD l'HOPHKTS PAOEATCT.

On the nlKht of Tuesday, October flth, thegrand annual nocturnal paproant ot merVF.ILKI rnorilKT," comprising thirty,five floats, will be given at an expense of.lioustinilB of dollars.

T1IADES PAGEANT.On the nleht of Thnrsdav. October 8th, the

"Til AUKS PAGEANT" will be (riven for thepurpose of Illustrating the ImliiHtrlcs, wealthand resources of the Mississippi Valley.

SHAW'S GARDEN."stiAWS GAnriKVof world-wlil- fame.

wlllheonen free to nil visitors during theweek, through tho uericroslty of Its owner.

- HALF FARE BATES. -

All railroad and steamboat eompanlrshave generously nia'le a rate of one fare forthe round trip during the entire week.

A PUI1I.10 HOLIDAY.The mnnlclnal authorities have agreed to

declare Thursday of Fair Week a holiday toall. liooms and board for 2JO,000 guestshave bean provided for at greatly redueedrates.

COMMERCIAL EXCHANGES.The Merchants' Cotton. Wool, MochBnlcs'

and Ilenl Estate .Kxclianees, will b open,free to all visitors. Exhibitors sliould applyfor space, stalls or pens at once In order toseeurc a desirable location. Address FES-TIT-

J. WAKE, Sccretury,418 Chestnut street,Bt. LOU13, MO.

Superlative goodness must be vervhard on the hair, for, you know, the goodgenerally die young. Judge.

Is It Not Singular '

Ufrit consumptives should be the least ap-prehensive of their own condition, whileall their friouds are, urging and beseech-ing them to be more careful about- - expos-ure and overdoing? It moy well be con-sidered one of the most alarming symp-toms of the disease, where the patient isreckless and will not believe that he is indanger. Itoader, if you are in this condition, do not neglect tne only means of

Avoid exposure and fatigue, beregular in your habits, and use faithfullyof Dr. Pierce's "Golden Medical Discov-ery." It has saved thousands whs wereHeadily tailing.

Tns girl who loves William never asksher father to foot her bill. Detroit Post.

Yoong Men, Read This.The Voltajc Belt Co.. ot Marshall, Mich.,

offer to send their celebrated Electro- - Voirtaic Belt and other Elkctkio Applianceson trial for 30 days, to nien (young or old)afflicted with nervous debility, loss of vital-ity and all kindred troubles." Also

sis,aud many oth-er diseases. Complete restoration to health,vigor.and manhood guaranteed. Mo risk in-

curred, as ;t0 days' trial is allowed. Writethem at once lor illustrated pamphlet, tree.

Misert A girl with a new dress and noplace to go. Marathon Independent.

Rupture, Breach or Hernia.Aew guaranteed cure for worst cases

without use of knife. There is no longerany need of wearing awkward, cumbersome trusses, cend two letter stamps forpamphlet and references. World's Dispensary Medical Association, UU3 Main St.,ouuaio, ii. x.

Havb vou ever heard a parrot swearfKo, but I've seen acro-cu- s. loromo urip,

Don't hawk, hawk, blow, spit and dis- -...... Mnllunni,l,Anffnn.Un k.A.tl.but use Dr. Bage's Catarrh Remedy anaena tc

The inventor of a flvirig machine, if hedoesn't soar very high, has the satisfaction oi Deing sore when ne drops.PiKE'sTooTHAcnE Drops curelnlmlnutc,25o.fllrnu I Sulphur Soap heals and beautifies. iSo,

German Coils Remover kills Corns a Hunlous.

Porcelain finue'r-rine- s are the (latestfashion. Thoy are probably intended totLlilua-wea- r.

Save your wagons, your horses and yourpatience Dy using f razer .&xie urease.

A man must be thick-head- who willrow wuu a tumble skull. liocheslcr Bern'ocrat.

TV AffllntAd wilh Kiirn Kvm. iiha ll LimnThompson's Eye Water. Druggists sell It. 26o.

EDUCATIONAL.UnUsT STUDY,MUlilk lvnmaiulilp. Arithmetic, Shorthand, thonnlL'hlT InUL'ht bv mull. rtreillnm freeHI NINKH Ol.l.KUK, Unffulo, N. Y.

BRYANT & STRHTTON'S 2S&21St. lMita. Mo tttiU'iiii yearly. Yminjl men Uuftlit

Short-luui- i, peunuuihip, and auicttU to poaiuon

A MONTH. Atrnts Wanted. 90 heat$250 m- - 'llnirartlelenlntlio world. 1 iianiplc 'RAX.AddruM JAY BUOXSC'N, Dkiboit, Alius.

and eared without the knife.C4KCERI ook on treatment ae:nt free. AndreKf

L. M. U-- Aurora. Kane tlu-l- li

Raatilifiil RED on Cotton TnrUsk Rnbram.niaiiisi Sample free to every person Kiidlna--

uviu--w mi mj. a. --. r ,aiua nauius. Alloa.

aetir Man or woman in .rcounty to aell nar Rootl. Salary l.and Expanse. KtMnn m d--J ncv Ctnvi Ul in Outfit FRKKl I'strtlfii AMII fre. BUncUrd 8ilver-war- e Go. Bocton, Mam.

RIli firFPE? To,ntmdn.-i1hm,wwl-

war mmm aw m 111 V K A JV A V I till lauir.AOiOTKtlntr Wjuhiutr MuhiikMi. it won w&rit nnsemi n your natiM, P. O. and nprfus offlvt'" in national CO.. uouey u.N.x,

Novelty Rug Machine(Pat. Pit. T, 1SSII. Tor makingmilt, i miea, noonH, dllTien. etcSent by mall, full dlrre tlons.

ai IcCVTriU'iVTL'nManufacturers Stamped Itua: rattema on Burlap!vhm v mi rinirrnicma. reni Torcr. mar.

KUSS afc CO., XOLSUMt, OHIO.

R. U. AWARETHAT

Lorillard's Climax Plugbearing a rr.i tin tag ; that LoiillardRmsB lawtftf AnfMlt : that I.HIIarwi'a

ItiiTT rilsnfsist. and that Lorillard'was wm SwWia uiici4, quavukj niraS7VU I

ELY'S A.-.n- nU0DC1U DIIUVMIMMnnUnLHin DMLINCleanses Ihe Head.Allays Inflsm m a- -

lion. Heals Sores.Restores Ihe Sen- -

st$ Ol Taste, Hear- - farnnajM 1I "J Smell 7 cuA Quick Relief.A Positive Cl r

CREAM BALM1 11 V Ssx

hH frned an rnrTahfeitum rat. dl.nFUAY.CrVEDall oths-- r rfnaratlon a - " a a.A panicle It apt11d Imoww-i- i iMsrfrn:iWT)wtfn: acrr- -

wooden leg up the chimney, when he wastelegraphed for in a hurry somewhere.

I like a lively disposition, but boardershave their rights, and weddings areut to betrifled with; and says I:

"Mrs. Pouncer, bo calm." Td geneback to her room, you know. "Don't cryany more. The wedding may come off,after all. I'll try to help you." And then,first of all, I hunted up the mush-stic- andthen 1 hunted up Tommy.

Says I: "My child, I've taken my slip-per to you before; but this Pve never cor-rected you with. Now own up, and youshall have a whole half pio before dinner.But deny, and I'll attend to you."

Then says he: ''You'll give me a realhalf pie? Not a caty-corn- half V, Says I:- - "I will." Though 1 had pangsof conscience.

And he says: "They're in the plum-ja- m

you're going to have for lunch, grandma,""Iii the plum-jam- ," says L "Oh, you

dreadful boy."Says he: "Can't I have that, too? 1

don't mind."Sol got the plum-ja- and I spooned

out the two double sets, which I shouldhave helped some of the bonrders to if Ihadn't, and then 1 carried Mrs. Pouncerhers, and washed the others off and con-sidered; and It dawned upon me like avision. Where should Mr. Itatchett be butat his dentist's, and his name I Knew. Soin my wrapper and a waterproof, not look-ing in the glass for my bonnet, off I started,and iu the dentist's, sure enough, I found

him, with his mouth full of plaster, andsuch a happy n an as he was I never saw,when I said, says 1: "Mr. Ratchett, thoyare found." ,

So they were married that day after all,and they board with me yet I've kepttheir secrets, though perhaps they ain't secrets any more; and they've rewarded mewith their gratitude. But one thing dreadful did happen beside the pie. Tommyswallowed all the plum-ja- 1 Axpectedthat he'd die. but he didn't Tid-Bit- a

MARRIAGE A LA MODE.A batl A canol

A nobby beau IA narrow lane I

A whisper lowl

. Asm lie A bowlA llttlo tlirt!

An ardent vowThat's cheap as dirtt

A hand to sniicezo,A irirl to kiss,

v Julto at one's ease,Must needs be bllsst

Arlnsl AdatolA honoymoonl

To find too lateIt wasloo soon!

t'Ueni Bri7, in Puck

DASHED HOPES.

How a Wife's HeneTolent Intentions WeCompletely Crushed.

"So you were at Niagara Falls?" shasked.

"Yes.""You saw the fa'lsf1"Oh, yes.""Very grand?""Very.""Did you feel awed?""I did." .

"Much water?""Yes, a great ileal""Constant roar, I suppose?""Yes."

- "Felt your nothingness all the tlmdidn't you?"

"Yes'ui.""How long did this feeling last?""What the feeling that I was a poof,

puny, miserable nobody?""Yes.""Oh, not over ten minutes.""Humph I I was going to send my hu

band down. I supposed it might last twaweeks." I'etroit t ree .Pre.

The Oracle In the Art Uallory. .

A local oracle was walking through a gaUlory with one of those large-eye- artlesssimple, modest girls the other day. litwas enlarging on tho different schools ofpainting. He appreciated everything; heknew everything. They came to a picture.He saw without looking a name in the corner.

"Now, there," he said, "I can tell theDutch school at a glance. That is by Ed- -

bokcr. Edboker is a favorite ot mine.There is something so genuine in his paint- -I nir, something so natural and strong in hishandling of a subject I think nothing ismore marked or curious than the distinctions between painters in the way they treatthe same theme. The strong Dutch individuality of EdbokerI'

" I beg your pardon, but It appears tome this picture Is painted by i A. Daker."

"Baker I Ah, dear me, so It Is. Howvery Dutch he Is." San Francisco CVitok-

Me.

Source of the Trouble. (

Mike Ol say, Bridgot, wot sames to betho matlier wid th. young missus? Shegoes about all day looking thot sorrowfuland droonin her oyes red wid tears. Is shedisappointed in luve, d'ye think?

Bridget Shure, Moike, oi in at a loss toknow entolrely. It was only this mornin'that she was talkin' vid do ole missus an'I heard her nay that her fate was more thanshe could bear.

Mike roor sov A Oi'm thinkin'. Bridget, it must be bunyuns she has on them.A. I . Timev

. .Moti Near to Be Neighborly.

Host (at an evening party) Mrs. Hendricks, will you step with me a moment; Iwant to make you acquainted with Mrs.

Tomlinson? Yon will like her, Pm sire.Mrs. Hendricks tsteuse tne, it yon

please, Mrs. Jones, but 1 would rather notYon see, we er both live in the samefiat X V. Times.

Aphorisms.

Pe cow-be- ll can't keep a secretDe bes' road to de yaller-jack- et ties' mint

been disklvered yltDe wooden Injun' got some mighty strong

p'ints.Ripe apples nuke de tree look taller.De red rose don't brag in de darsv--- 4 A.

Moron, in Cintury.

How a Matrimonial Event GameNear Being Postponed.

A Mysterious Disappearance GrandsonTommy's Little rractlcml Joke, and

the Misery It Caosed-Uap- py-at Last

I believe In fun. Oh, yes, I do believe!n fun. But practical jokes may go too far

indeed they may. Now, there was thecase of Mrs. and Mr. Ratchett At least,then they weren't Mr. and Mrs. Katchett,but Mrs. Touncer and Mr. Itatchett; andshe wasjt widow; and when she came tomo In a rarriaire hired, but still with aman in livery driving it and said to me:

"Oh, Mrs. Klmberly, ma'am, It's not theexpense I'm thinking of, for terms don'taffect me much poor, dear Mr. Touncerwas so very thoughtful of me In his will;but should you be able to promise me thecomforts of a home?'

And her dress was the richest of silk,and all covered with Engtlsh crape, and herveil with a hem a yard deep; and, really,I was so touched that 1 promised her mybest front room with the alcove, whetherany one else wanted it or not And shelived in retirement, and had her meals inher own room for two weeks, for a reasonthat she confided to me. She was going tothe dentist's, and they were a full set, andof the beautifulest whiteness, like snow;but at first, you know, you can't talk in'em, much lesse at, and that makes It In-

convenient.At the self-sam- e moment, so to speak,

Mr. Itatchett he came to the house; and itwas tho most remarkable coincidence, heconfided in me, too. He was going to thedentist, 'likewise, and his was a full set;and he said he'd like to be spoke of, andcharged as an invalid for a month, whichwas done. And all would have been pri-

vate aud unknown but for my grandson.Tommy, that I have the bringing up of;and how he found it out, I don't know, buthe did, and told it to all the boarders in theparlor one evening, and was corrected withmy slipper and sent to bed in consequence.

But Mr. Itatchett lie never knew, and Mrs.Touncer she never guessed and we mustall come to it some time; and some of ushad, Pve no doubt And it didn't mattermuch, after all. And what do you believethose two did widow and widower butfall iu love with each other, at least asmuch as at their age and their size could beexpected I He waited on her to church,ami she knitted him worsted mufflers, andhe used to read something that lie calledpoetry, and that was solcnmer than theprayer-boo- of mornings in the parlor-kee- ping

it from being dusted, and makingher gape dreadful, poor thing! But menare inconsiderate, whether married or sin-

gle, and women will put up with a greatdeal before the wedding-rin- g - is on. Like-wise he took her to lectures, where 1 amtold she went to sleep, poor dearl

Sho liked fun, and good eating, anddancing, even at her size; and he liked horrid, solemn things, and had a way of talk- -

Iiiiiii .3

lug as If u didn't have ideas nobody elsocould understand you hadn't any at all.But widows mostly will get married. If theycan, poor dears, though you can't help won-

dering sometimes that they haven't had suf-

ficient warning. Well, he proposed, ofcourse, and she accepted; and she was to bemarried in lavender, with white lace flouncesand fichu; and he gave her another dia-

mond ring, though there wasn't any room,to speak of, for it on her fat fingor, she hadso many already; and they were to be mar-ried quietly lit my parlors ot- - a Tuesdaymorning; aud Monday night all was right;and Tuesday morning iho dreadful thingsbegan to happen. Sally, the chambermaid,romes to me, and says she: "Oh, Mrs.Kimberly, there Is something the matterwith Mrs. Pouncer. Kite's a moaningdreadful in her own room, aud wants to seeyou."

So I ran as fast as I could,though tho storo-eloi- was unlocked; andif the cook helicd herself to a lump shetook a pound ot sugur as I knew shew uld. And tliore 1 found the poor dear

In bed. aud she says: "Lock thedoor, Mrs. Kimberly," In a queer kind ofvoice, and then she showed me what hadhappened. She always took hor teeth outof nights and put 'em In a bowl of water,and some ono had come in how, shecouldn't think, for though the window wasopen, who could climb up tho wisteria vinebut a monkey? and they were gone. "Andunder my door this cruel letter, Mrs. Kim-berly," said she; and she pointed to onelying on the bed, " Head it," says she, 'fioI oiKjiieu the letter and read:

Drahrst t.'AKOt.tNK: t'lronmslanpfs that Ienn not possibly explain force me to tly fromthis roof. How loiur 1 shall be gone I do notknow. It depends on another, llohcve metrue, and truut tno If you can. I have no hopebut in your coinplcto faith In me. Yours,

Euwaiid."Two such blows In one morning!" says

she, "and the clergymen coining, and all I

Of course, under any circumstances, Icouldn't be a bride until I had a new set;but 1 could have said I was ill. But whatIs it? Is it a first wife? Can it be?" ,

"Ho doesn't look it," says 1.

"There's no judging by looks." said she."May be he's found out about my teeth,and gone."

"That ain't likely." says I; "he'd havem-- re sympathy." But 1 didn't think tosay why.

"He's a man," says the widow. "That'scnomni. But it's an awful mystery?"

"Perhaps your teeth were never put Inthe water," said I. "May be they're ou thefloor."

And I peeped around, and pretty soon Isaw on the sate ot tne bowl nve nine macs

marks, and on the window-si- ll were fivewore, and then five more yet

Then I becan to guess. 1 went out intovr. Ratohett s room, and on the window

.i from the black piazza there were Jive moreblack nurks, and on the bureau was a gob-

let of waJer, and on that five black marksmore.

1 knew all now. My grandson. Tommy,was a fine child, bnt he had one peculiarity.The more I washed his hands, tlte blackerthey got And whatever he touched heprinted off his hands on.

He was capable ot climbing that wisteriavine, and he liked to tcaa. He had a livelydisposition, poor, dear Tommy, and he hadUkeu the teeth both double sets just as

another of the same kind.Erskine was reproached Tith his pro.

pensily to punning, and vea told thatpuns were the lowest kin! of wit.

lruo," said ho, "and therefore tne?are the foundation of w't,"

Madame do Lamotta wis condemnedto be marked with a hot iron on bothshoulders, as well as to a urpctutl jm- -pnsonment, lor her Irs ad in ttc auairof Marie Antoinette's dh mond necklace.At the end of ten months, hovrjver,she made her escape from L I!osnital,where she was confined, by the ai'i of atour, who said, when twitting her,"Adieu, Madame, prenez garde de vousfaire remarguer." (Farewd!, uiadamo,take care not to be

At a time when public affairs were ina very unsettled state in France, 1L doG -- , who squinted terribly, askedTalleyrand how things were going on." Mais, comme vous voyer. Monsieur.'"(Why. as you see, sir. ,

Many of tho notable punsters weredramatic writers or professional comodians, and a selection ot somo byGoorge Colman will C ve to show thoquality of this style of vit.

A gentleman having a remarkablylong visage was oneday. rding byMr. Wbyte's school at Dublin, .it thegate of which ho overlie?-- youngRichard Briusloy Sheridan say "Thatgentleman's faoe is lesjrer than hislife." Struck by tho ' strangeness ofthe remark, he turned lin horse's head,and requested its meaning'. "Sir,"said the boy, "I meant rto offense inthe world, but I have read in the Bibleat school that a man's life is but aspan, and I am sure yom face is doublethat length." Tho gentleman threwthe lad sixpence for his wit.

In preaching a oharity sermon, Rov.Sydney Smith frequently rep t'..e

assertion that, of all natior;. English-men wero most distinguished far gener-osity and tho love of thoir sneeioi Thecollection happened u, : .i Inxrior to hisexpectations; und he said i.it he hadevidently made a great mistake, for thatbis expression should havn freen thatthey wero distinguished for fke love oftheir specie.

YV. II. Ireland, the bhakesj. we lor--

gcrt wrote in a volume ol his "nuap.Bodies":

" As on thy tltln-pair- poor Utile brjk,Full oft i casta sail and pensive look,

1 shake my head andI ity tr.eesFor I, alas I no brazen front possess,Nor do 1 ev'ry potent art profess:

To send thee forth from census-.- froo."Upon this Porssn wrote: "Though

can not help looking upon him as toomodest m the fourth verse, he certainlyunderrates tho amount and extent of hispossessions; he is by no means poor innis own orass.

George Colman was an admirablepunstory Sheridan once said, whenGeorgo made a successful hit: "I hatea puu, but Colman almost reconcilesme to the infliction," Ho was oueoasked if ho knew Thoodore Hook?"Oh, yes," was his reply, "Hook and Ieye are old associates."

Oue iluv. when Colman find his sonwere walking from Soho Square to thoHay Market, two witlings, Miles PeterAndrews and V llham Augustus Miles,-were coming the contrary wav, on thoopposite side of the street. Ihevhadeach sent a dramatic nianus jript for thesummer llicatre, and, being anxiousto got tho start of each other in theproduction of their several works, thoyDoth called out: "Kenicmbtir, Colman,I am first oar." "Humph," mutteredtho manager, as they parsed on, "theymay talk about first oars, but they havenot a scull between them." This reminds one of a witticism of DouglasJorrold. Two conceited vornar authorswero boasting that thev rowed in thesanio boat with a celebrated wit of theday. "Ayo," replied JerroIJl, "but notwith the same sculls." A', Y. Observer.

THE GAMBLER'S VICTIM.A Clever Trlok Terformed at the Eiponse

ot Sympathising Ureenhornf.Tho steward said it wai qu!' like old

times. In tho main cabin were five orsix card tables and there was . t owd atevery one. When the play grew hot thegold aud greenbacks began to show up,and by and by there was from throehundred to one thousand dollars onevery table. One of the players attract-ed especial attention. He -v a manof about thirty, genteel and well edu-cated, aud ho bet with a recklessnessto astonish everybody. Somehow weall began to feel personally interestedin his luck, aud when he wen we re-

joiced as much as if he had agreed todivide up pro rata. In tvo hours howas two thousand dollars ahead, butthen his luck changed and before mid-night he was dead broke. Then hiswatch and ring and pin went, and horose up as thoroughly cleaned out as agambler could be.

" Gentlemen," he said, as hi turnedto us, "I am much obliged for yourkind words, and wish eacii one of youwell. 1 have lost six hundred dollarsintrusted to mo to deliver to a party inNew Orleans, and I shall no go anvfurther. Good-bye!- "

Ho was out on deck like a flash, andwe heard a splash in tho water as weran after him. None of us returned totho cabin. We sat down to talk it over,and for an hour we felt bad real bad.We erected a monumcut and carved anepitaph, as it were, and every mar wentto bed d.

Well, next morning, wlsn tho boatreached Natchez, I ran across the Cap-tjii- n

and remarked on the sad occur-rence.

" See that chap?" he replied, point-ing to a man climbing up the long hill.

" Why, that looks like the verychap!"

Certain it docs, for it is!" ." But he went overboard!"" Bosh! He tossed over a chair and

then slipped down below!"" And he didn't lose six hundred dol-

lars which wasl ntrusted ? '" lx)se nothing! He is a capper for

the gamblers, and plaved to inducegreenhorns to come in! .Detroit FreeYes.

Parisian Sportsmen's C'jbs.Theraris Jockey Club was established

in 1S38 with a budget of about fiftythousand francs, whereas at present itsannual expenditure amounts U over amillion francs. The first President oftho Club was an Englishman, residing inParis Lord Henry Seymour, noted noless for his snmptuous mode of livingana costly cquipage3 than for his exUordinary pnysicai strength, tie wasable to raise one huudred pounds to hisshoulder with his little finger. One dayhe stopped his carriage'in the Rue de laPaix and got out to thcash two sailorswho wete maltreating' an old taple-woma-n.

He-w- as Tery popular with theParis popuS&ce in conseuuenc f thisand simuae' actions. The oldrtt r'ub inParis is tV Cercle de lCnion. "!f hichwas founjed in 128 as qemer of op-

position iQ Louis Philippe. A' !. fUl

SAVANNAH, TENNESSEE.

A WOMAN'S "NO."Sho had a parcel, small and round.

One lovely attornoon last sumniea,l oiierca, as in duty bound.

iu una ii irom uer.

She thanked me, with a gracious smile,I As twmj) as rosy Hp could make it;It wan so small, 'twas not worth ichUo

To lot mo take It.

Attain I offered, as before,Of that slight burden to relieve hor. . .

Blie'd rather not "Pray say no morel"- 'Twould realty grieve hor.

1 ceased to plpad she seemed ooqtontThe thing won small, and neatly corded.

And so along our way we went,To where she boarded.

But when noon the stoop she stood.And ere our last adieus were uttered, .

Eho eyed me In a roguish mood,And softly muttered,

As swung the door to let her thrcugh,And loft me there all unresisting:

J don't think very much of youFor not ImMfiif;." i

MUmr Orahnm, hi Centura.

PUNS IN LITERATURE.

Good Authority ' for DeolaringPunning Good Writing.

The Species of Wit Which Flourished During the Golden Age of English Li-

teratureSome NotableExamples.

" Aristotle, in the eleventh chapterof his Rhetoric,' describes two orthree ttnds, of pnnv which ho callspartigrams, among the beauties of goodwriting, and produces instances ofthem out of somo of the greatestauthors in the Greek tonsruo.""Cicero," he goes on to observe, "hassprinkled several of his works withpuns, and in his' book where he laysdown tho rules of oratory, quotesabundance of sayings as pieces of wit,which also, upon examination, provoarrant puns."' The ago in whioh this species of wit

chiefly nourished in England was thoreign of King James tho First HisMajesty "was a tolerable punster, and

. the taste of the sovereign was studiedby the courtiers and by the clergy.The greatest authors in tboir most seri-ous works made frequent uso of puns,and even in the pulpit they were notuncommon. - Punning was used underall circumstances serious as well astrivial matters were infected with it.This vice, as some will considor it, ex-

tended itsolf everywhere. Indeed, itspread to so dreadful a degroe that it wasus freely used in the eourt of justiceand the church as anywhere else. Thecriminal, when conducted to death, re-ceived his sentence in a mixture ofgravity and puns; and tho preacher,the more strongly, perhaps, to impresshis doctrine, played on the words as howont along. The following sentenceoccurs In a sermon from tho pulpit:

Tho dial shows that we must die all;yet, nevertheless, all houses are turnedjnto our cares into cates; ourparadise is a pair o' dice our mtirriigea merry age; our matrimony a mattero' money; our divines have become dry- wines it was not so evon in tho days ofNo-a- h, Ah-no- ."

In tho clover paper in tho"Guardian," No. 36, entitled, "A Mod-est Apology for Punning," is drawnthe distinction between tho extempo-raneous puns of conversation and thodeliberate and grave uso of this speciesof falso wit in, general composition.While defending Sio puns as a meansof enlivening the dull wits of those en-gaged in common conversation, thewriter, nevertheless, affirms: "I lookupon premeditated quibbles and punscommitteU to tho press as unpardon-able crimes. There is as much differ- -

- ence betwixt these and the starts incommon discourse as betwixt casualrencounters and niurdor with malice

- prepense."The greatest authors in their most

serious works made frequent use ofpuns. Tho sermons of Bishop Andrewsand tho tragedios of Sliakespoare arefull of them. In the latter nothing is moreusual than to see a boro weeping andquibbling for a dozen lines together.Butler, who was greatly taken withBishop Andrew's style, affirms that hewas an inimitable preacher in this way,In an anecdote which he tolls with theview of showing bow difficult or possi- -

, ble it was for those who attempted tocopy him with success. , But Butler un-

consciously records a severe and, at thesame time, well-deserv- condemnationof the manner of writing which ho somuch admires. "Pious and pleasantBishop Felton," says ho, "his contem-porary and colleague, endeavored invara to imitate his sermons to assim-ilate his style, and therefore said mer-rily for himself: 'I had almost marredin v own natural trot by endeavoring toimitate his artificial amble.' "

) There is no kind of false wit, saysAddison, which has been socd by the practice of all ages as thatwiuui uuuswui iu jnugie ui worus anuis unucr me general

vi punning, it is, indeed, lin-- ,possible to kill a weed which the soil

; lias a natural disposition to produce.The seeds of punning are in the mindsof all men, and though they may be

' subdued by reason, reflection and goodsense, they be very apt to shoot up inthe greatest genius that is not brokenand cultivated by the rules of art

Punsters, in the opinion of Steele,Tery much contribute towards the sardonic laugh, and tho extremes of citherwit or folly seldom fail of raising thisnoisy Kind ot applause. "As the ancicnt physician held the sardonic laugh

- very beneticial to tho Iuhct, I should.itiothinks, advise all my countrymen ofconsumptive and hectical constitutionto associate with the most facetiouspunsters of tho age.

We will give two or three examplesof these slippery fellows, who, to ue amodern phrase, hare succeeded in driving a coach-and-si- x through Addison'sact, as to the ofpuns.

The lectures of a Greek philosopher"werr attended by a young girl of ex- -,

qulsitc beauty. One day a grain of sandhappen! to get into her ej-e-

, ard, be-

ing unable to extricate it herself, sherequested his assistance. As he wasobserved to perform this little operationwith a seal which, perhaps, a lesssparkling eve might not have com-manded, somebody called to him inGreek: "Do not spoil the pupil."

A punster, being requested to give aspecimen of his art, asked for a subject:"The King." "The King Is not a sub-

ject," he replied. This holds good inFrench likewise Le Soi ' est pas tintujel

The last case belongs to" a class whichIs, perhaps, more extensive than is com- -

week, but most of them do piecework.A skilled mechanio makes all the way

from $2 to $0 per day. There are

many different departments in pianomaking, tho principal ones being case

making, soundboard making, fly finish.-ins- r.

tone and action regulating, key- -

making, finishing and varnishing. Thelaborer who does tho heavy work ispaid from $1 to $1.50 per daw Veryfew learn the trado in Baltimore. Thesemen are imported from Germany, anda large number are from New Y oi k,

Boston and othor places. Thecases are made In four dlTerontdepartments, and are put togetherbv men doinor piecework. The maker- -

average from 10 to ijs.'u per week. inewages of the regulators of action andtone ranee from $15 to :'.5 per week.The sound-boar- d makers do their workby tho pieco. They make from $ 12 to$23 per week. The andihero are threo departments in tinsbranch nets tho men about $15 per

eek. Iho action-make- rs wagc3 arefrom $14 to $20 per week. Tno var- -

ishers average 12 per week, ana thenpav runs all the wav from $9 to $22.

The finisher is the most skilled and hiswork the most important. He makestho h'ghest wages. He gets from $15to $:10 and $81 per week. Tl o amount

mechanic makos depends entirely onhis skill. Some of tho men make twiceas much as their fellow-maker- s doingthe fame work. Baltimore American

Japanese Women.

Pretty as she is on a pictured fan, a

Japanese woman t fur more, satisfyingto the a'sthctio soul as sho pattersalong, alive, on her wooden clogs orstraw sandals. Tho poo: o t woman inher single, cheap, cotton gown orkimono is a much a p'cture as herricher A tor iu silk and crape. Willi

the'r heads elaborately dressed, andfolds o'' gay crape or a glittering hairpin thrust in' tho smooth loops ot Diuo- -

a-- k ha r, they seem always a galaarray, anil, rain or shine, never coverthose elaborate coiffures with anvthingmore than a paper uiubndla. lielowthat the loose dress, opening in a pointnearly to the waist, has linins andfolds of sraver cranes and silks laid inside and the glory of the toilet culminates with tho broad obi or sash.Ihe obis of striped and lijnired crape .hnx-ade- and s Iks are lined with

tiflly-starch- cloth, wound round andround the waist,- - and fastened in a bigcnshion-llk- e bow at the, back. ThoIon?- loose sleeve give gruco and easeto the feint, smooth gown, and eachslender figure is a pretty studv by herself. The sweat, soft voiucs, tho gentlemanners, and tho elaborate courtesydisplayed by everv one of them add thelast and most irra-io- toiu-hn- s of thesep'cturesijuo and irresistibly charmingwomon. lloslon I eruul.

Monte Christo.

Tourists used to go from St. Gcrma'no see Monte Christo, the architectural

folly of old Dumas, which he built at a

cost of 700,000 francs, and sold to gelrid of an urgent creditor for 30,000fiancs. It was an asylum in his limafor all tho niasterless dogs in tho neighborhood, and the grounds were oi ento anybody whb felt tempted to usethom us a promenade. Tho inhabitantsof his nicnn&ori-t- with whom he wason companionable terms, were almosthuman in the r uitelli reu.ee. .Jua-artha- .

ayuituro vh;ch he bought in Algeriafor ton francs, and brought thence inanti-railw- Jimes to Monlo Christo, atnn expense ol oO.OOO tran s. was thotyrant, and. to some extent, tho schoolmaster, ot Dumas's private Zoo. Allthis is changod now. Thore is a highwall round tho prenii-os- . with brokenends of bottles stuck in tho mortar ontho summit A ferocious dog.mcnatesnil those who try to peep in throughthe bars of tho gato. If tho ghost otIhiiuas haunts the doina'n he created.how it must sutler in the presence olthis Cerberus: London t tmes. :

The Atlanta Constitution quotes ai.old railroad man's reminiscences olearly railroading in (ieorgia. "I canremember, he said, "when a passen-ger train was alrao-i- as troublosome tomanage as an ox-cu- on a hilly road.I was one of - the lirst engineers thaitook a train over the Statu road. Thoengine was nlxuit the s y.n of an ordinary farm engine, and the cars weroalmost as small as tbo-- o nscd on nar- -row-eaiirr- o roads. mere were ' nobrakes in thoso davs. When tho tra ndrew near a stat:on speed was gradually reduced, and whon the stationwas reached train hands armed withblocks ot wood would junio on auachock Iho wheels.

THE MARKETS.

New York. September 28. 1883.

CATTLE Native Steers S 4 M 6 00COT ION Middling 10 10 VFMH'K-Go- od toChoice S 90 D DO

WHEAT No. x Ked f.'H US

l.'OUN No. 4SXOATS W estern Mixed S7 a Si1VKK Family Moss 9 75 a 10 a

ST. LOUIS.COTTOX-Mlddl- lng ;

BEEVES Good to Heavy.... S 10 9 00

Fairto Medium.... 4 40 4 851IOGS Common to Select.... S 10. 4 30

SI1EE1 Fair to Choice S 40 5 tiFt.ot H XXX to Choice 3 35 4 0WHEAT-N- o. i Ked Winter.. K

N o. a 8a 9 KO

COlt-- No. MixedOATS No i 2VRYE No. i 64 So

TOBACCO Lugs S 00 S 50

laf Medium... S 00 7 50HAT Choice Timothy 12 O0 12 50BClTER-Cho- sM Dairy 16 18FXiCS Fresh .4 12X 13IOKK standard Mess 9 25BACON Clear Itlb 69 6L.VliD l'rlme Steam 6 9 6X

CHICAGO.CATTLE Exports 4 75 oolHxNsGooo. to Choice S 75 4 40SHEEV-i;o- od to Choice J SO 50FLOVlt W inter 4 40 4 K0

Pntents 4 75 5 25WHEAT-N- o. i Spring 84

No. 2 Kcd. .... ... MlCORX-- No. 2OATSNo.

Mcs 8 65 S IV

KANSAS C1TT.CATTLE Native Sieers 4 SO ( 40

Hi m;s Sales at 4 4 mWHEAT No 2 - 78'COKN No. 2 SIOATS NO. 2

SEW OKLEAS3."I1'R-Hl- eh tirades. 4 SOS

COKN White M 54

OATS Choice Western 33H A V t holer- - K 40 17 SO

POI!K Mess S 50BA 'ON Clear RibCOTTON Middling

I.OC1SV1LLK.WHEAT No. 2 Bed 1 S3

CORN No. t Mixed - 4

OATS No. 2 Mixed ...... 17

1DKK Mesa S MRib S

OuTTON" Middling

vou wih to par-cha-

a shoe furyourHoy c.r Girl that willt a, rH t hawaaraiiitla)

of every-da- y Ofatfe.that Is made of honestleather throughout,and on common sennaMean, attic your dealerfor II MOfrin'a

SCHOOL SllOrVknown everrwtn're btthe Trade Mark of the w

Little Red School Hoosi

found oa ths bottomof tavb pair. iNuaagrntne wlthoat 11.1

tW Sk alao forthHENDERSON $2.50

SSaliSAti' WOMAN'S GOAT BUTTON.'autchf4 with bilk and every way a..ll.l. Made only br

IhelVlHwated naautartarersJLtitnilUtiUH fclal, of llonMaad Shoes, ihiraga.

Writeor a 8 of our funct School Cards.

A. N. K., n. 1050

WHEX WBITINB TO ADVERTISERSplease aay yoa saw the adTertlsemeot inthis paper. Advertiser like to kuowwhen and where their adrertlaeuienU arepaylna; best.

A Clear SkinIs only a part of beauty;but it is a part. Every ladymay have it ; at least, whatlocks like it MagnoliaBalm both freshens andbeautifies.

it'