Ring the Alarm: The Hope of Our Community is in Our Babies A Zero to Five Parenting Guide for Low-Income Black and Latino Caregivers Nikolai Pizarro

First Edition

Front Cover illustration by Brandon Gines

Copyright © 2010 by Nikolai Pizarro

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in

retrieval systems or transmitted in any form, by any means, including

mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without

prior permission of the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<1

Part I

1. Ring the Alarm!...........................................................................................................12

2. Let’s Lay the Foundation<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<................30

3. The Four Horsemen<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<.44

4. Timing is Everything & Hear from the Experts<<<<<<<<<<<<......51

Part II

5. Five Steps to Success<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<83

6. The Wrong Things<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...89

7. The Right Things<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<105

8. More from the Experts

Part III

9. Prenatal Care<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...141

10. Feeding Your Baby<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<.148

11. Environment<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...156

12. Emotions & Attachment Development<<...<<<<<<<<<<<<<...165

13. Language Development<<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<<<<170

14. Everyday Math Connections<<<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<189

15. Science & Nature<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<183

16. World & Culture<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<186

17. Character<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<.187

18. Art<<<<<<<<<<<<<..<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<..191

19. Movement<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...194

20. Art, Music, & Book Libraries in Every Home<<<...<<<<<<<<<<198

Final Thoughts<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<206

Free Online Resources<<...<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<...208

Bonus Kinder-Readiness Guide<<<<<...<<<<<<<<<<<<<...210

Acknowledgements

A single mom can’t go out and do this work much less buckle

down, research, and create without people to support her. It

really does take a village. My mother, brother, and sister-in-law

are my village.

I am so grateful for the series of people and events that have

made this book, and more importantly, my vision possible.

I could never thank field professionals like Wendy Young and

Linda Hahner enough. They graciously answered my questions

early on and encouraged me to write this book. I don’t think

they will ever understand how instrumental they were in my

process.

Twitter-strangers-turned-friends like Michael Josefowicz and

Anderson Fils-Aime, who read my choppy first draft as long as a

year ago and said, ‚you have something, keep going‛ are as

responsible for this book as I am. They gave me wings.

My sister Dr. Adia Winfrey has breathed life into me and this

project almost daily for a year. She is an amazing mother of four

with a loud voice for our youth and community. Her model

works: put your children first and love your community as

much as you love your children. I hope that my work makes her

as proud of me as I am of her.

Of course, I thank you Louis. You have given me the greatest gift

of my life, our son, my healing. Nicholas is everything to me.

Therefore, you are everything to me.

To Linda, baby wherever you are, I hope someday you read this

and know before Nicholas I was already a mother. There isn’t a

day that I don’t think and pray for you and my grandbaby. You

are written on every page of this book. I wrote this book for you.

Of course, I have to acknowledge my prince, Nicholas and every

person, event, and force that conspired with God to grant me

such a wonderful gift. Thank you for teaching me everything I

know about myself and what is important in life baby. I live to

make you proud.

Finally, I salute every mother, father, and caregiver out here,

reading this book, looking for a better way. I love you. I

appreciate you. I believe in you. So much so, that I now live for

you and your babies. I cannot wait to build with you. You make

me so proud.

1

Introduction

There are thousands of baby parenting books in print, another

thousand programs. None like this one. I’ve looked. For one,

parenting books and programs aren’t written or created for poor

black and Latino mothers. This one is. Realistically, they are

written and created for middle income and wealthy,

predominantly, white moms.

‚A parenting book written specifically for low income black and

Latino parents and caregivers? Why would you write that?‛

Some have asked. ‚ More importantly, who would read it?‛

For starters, low income, poor, hood, welfare, urban, and ghetto

are not hypothetical places or an abstract reality. It’s real life.

And, the mothers, mommas, mamas, madres, teen moms, grand

mommas, abuelas, god mommas, madrinas, tias, titis, aunts,

aunties, sisters, cousins, primas, hermanas, and, yes, dads,

fathers, and daddies, that live there aren’t case study caregivers

and parents, they are also real people. Children from low

income households are not ‚those‛ children, at least not to me.

Yet, often, in the world of parenting and early education books

and programs, this ‚arms length‛ disconnection with poverty is

present. I have always been uncomfortable with that.

Granted, in a world of developing babies, many things are

Universal, but our conditions are different. Our pain is different.

Our worry is different. Our history is different. Our babies’

odds are different. The schools they will go to are different.

What things our children will face and endure are different.

If the conditions are different, why should the books be the

same? How could a parenting book help a mother meet the

2

needs of her baby, if it dismisses her experience as the mother and

the community she is a part of?

This is why this book, or rather this movement, is different. It is

about babies. And it is about parenting. But, at its core, it’s

about addressing our pain, empowering our caregivers, and in

the process changing our destiny.

Our Pain

Ask any black or Latino person and they will tell you, our

collective community is in crisis. We are poorer, sicker, and less

hopeful than ever. Though our situation in this country has

always been a story of struggle for the last three decades that

struggle has reached new lows. In this very moment, there are

people across the country wondering, how do we make sense of

this experience and how do we begin to fix problems that taunt

us? When does it end? How do we break free?

We have a men problem. We have a women problem. We have

a boy problem. A girl problem. A school problem. A job

problem. A health problem. A housing problem. A credit

problem. A literacy problem. The list is long. Where do we

start?

I can’t give you a simple solution. There isn’t one. But as it often

turns out, sometimes it’s best to start at the beginning.

3

Baby-Oriented Solutions

What if there was something out there, and there is, scientifically

proven to break prison and poverty cycles, wouldn’t the people

most likely to be imprisoned and impoverished want to know

about it? Of course they would.

Believe it or not, this ‚thing‛ is what scientists and academics

refer to as ‚Early Childhood Education‛ or ‚Early Brain

Development.‛ Early Brain Development teaches us that there

is a direct cause and effect relationship between what people

experience inside the womb and during the first 5 years of life,

and their behaviors and health as adults.

In fact, a lacking foundation the first five years is linked to

prison and poverty in many ways. To use a direct example,

children who do not have certain pre-literacy experiences before

kindergarten, come to school unprepared to learn to read and as

a result are rarely able to catch up to reading level. And

wouldn’t you know that in the United States over 75% of

inmates have problems reading!

Additionally, not developing pre-literacy skills the first years

shapes the brain of a child and impacts his/her ability to think,

communicate, and process information throughout life. Yet most

black and Latino mothers and caregivers particularly within the

low income community are unaware of the importance of pre-

literacy experiences. Many don’t know what pre-literacy skills

look like to begin with!

As previously stated, one of the reasons this information has not

made it into our communities is that while low income black and

Latino parents may need the information, we don’t fit the

perfect “customer” description. Parenting books and programs

4

are developed mostly for parents who buy and read books as

well as pay for seminars, programs, and educational materials.

Business follows money. I understand that. But babies headed

towards prison and poverty because their moms don’t know a

few songs and games? It’s tragic.

In a nutshell, the experiences of the first years shape a person’s

brain, body function, and behavior for life. We can either

suppress or release a person’s potential by age 5. Not in some

hypothetical way either. The body of work and research is well

documented. Technology today allows us to look at brains, cells,

organ tissue, and DNA in detail. We know the impact of the first

years is factual. When we change how we care for pregnant

women and babies years 0-5, therefore, we also change what

adults and society look like. Perhaps, the solution is the

problem.

Too much of the wrong things and too little of the right things

during the first five years of life equals higher chances of

developing learning disabilities, heart disease and cancer,

tendencies towards violence or depression, and other

unfortunate side-effects. The instant I got a hold of this

knowledge, I understood that most of my community wasn’t

even aware of this information. I certainly knew I’d never heard

of it before. But, what exactly are the wrong and right things?

You’ll find those answers in this book.

While upper middle class and wealthy mothers are now being

told to trust their instincts and stop ‚over enriching‛ their

babies’ environment, poor black and Latino mothers, have been

left out of the ‚enrichment‛ conversation altogether.

5

This system has taken our misinformation, lack of knowledge,

and history of pain, and categorized it as bad, irresponsible,

careless parenting. I know better. Moms and caregivers do what

they know to do according to their own experience and the

resources they have available. I have yet to meet a mom whose

desire is for her baby to fail. It just doesn’t work that way.

When it comes to prenatal care and the impact of the first five

years, our communities are in the dark. The last thing a

pregnant woman eating fast food or arguing with her partner is

thinking about is harming the baby inside of her. Learning

disabilities are not what the parent giving a toddler a hot dog for

breakfast or letting him stay up and watch cartoons is setting out

to create. And neither of them is thinking about prison, poverty,

or illness. This much I know. It is why I’ve created these

resources. My desire is to bring us into the parenting

conversation, with urgency but no judgment.

This book is designed to be a one stop guide that provides both

insightful explanations and clear guidelines for caregivers to

follow. In the end, it delivers a parenting experience that is fun,

rewarding, and most of all, empowering.

About Me: My Agenda

I’m not a brain specialist or a behavior therapist or a doctor, so

why should you trust me?

For one, my work is based on research. I will quote and link you

to the most widely accepted resources in the world and give you

every tool you need to verify the information. The subject of the

book is not some ‚new theory,‛ it is just new to many of us.

Once you get into it, its validity will speak for itself.

6

But, me, who am I? Why do I care?

It is fair to say that in some areas of school and business, I have

been successful. I received a full scholarship to a top business

program at the age of 20, and have a master’s in business

administration. I would never discount my degrees. They have

their merits. However, reality is not lived on the paper and ink

of a resume. In its own way, education had always been my

‚ticket out,‛ but it was motherhood, that gave me a ‚ticket in.‛

I am, by any definition, a single, low income Puerto Rican mom.

I was raised by my low income single mom, who was raised by

her low income single mom in the projects of Spanish Harlem. I

have lived out-of-state, without any family, all of my adult life.

My son’s father, a black man, is in federal prison. And in three

years, both my son and I have moved three times between East

St. Louis, IL and Carolina, PR. You can fill the gaps or as I often

quote, ‚I have already paid for all my future sins.‛ Technically,

my son is an ‚at-risk‛ child; born into an ‚at-risk‛ environment.

My expertise in early brain development, started when I was

pregnant, and has grown alongside my son’s development.

Through him, I’ve seen the science work. Before he was even a

year old, people would often observe how bright, alert, and

independent he was. As a toddler his vocabulary and over all

thinking skills always stood out. Before he was 3 he was

constructing words with loose letters - he was spelling. By 3, he

was sounding out words. He can count, sort, and group. And

in spite of his very big emotions and strength has positives ways

to channel his feelings. He is focused, loves nature, learning,

and cares about people. Not just the people he loves, he cares

about others in general. He is observant and above all he is

7

happy to the core. Multiple sources, including preschool and

Head Start teachers have referred to my son’s advancement and

potential ‚giftedness.‛ But, my son is not ‚gifted;‛ he is far from

a ‚genius.‛

My son is who he is because he is securely attached, well

adjusted, and properly developing. I breastfed him and held

him often as an infant. I’ve kept a clean organized home and

exposed him to range of experiences. I give him nutrients that

support and strengthen his brain. I talk to him all the time and

always have. I’ve done the ‚right‛ things and avoided the

‚wrong‛ ones. As a result, his brain (and body) has responded.

He is the result of a mother that ‚knows what to do.‛ There is

only one problem: my son’s experience should not be the

exception. It can and should be the norm.

The fact that I knew anything about ‚enriched‛ environments

and early brain development was a stroke of luck. During the

first weeks of my pregnancy, through my insurance gap and

transition into a clinic that serviced Medicaid patients, I was seen

and went through testing through a private doctor in an upscale,

elite practice. There I picked up some information, magazines,

and recommendations, which changed the course of my life. In

that space, brain enrichment, early brain development, nutrition,

stress management, exercise, and even school readiness where

all over the magazines and handouts. Prenatal vitamins with

Omega 3 for brain development were immediately

recommended as was adequate sleep, exercise, a balanced diet,

and a list of books. There was almost a competitive and urgent

feel to the process: strong, smart babies must be created.

Though I received, wonderful friendly care, at what would

become ‚my clinic,‛ the information and approach to pre-natal

care and parenting was completely different than the private

8

office I barely experienced. No one ever mentioned Omega 3

vitamins or brain enrichment, not once. My diet was only talked

about relative to weight gain. The objective of that clinic was

‚full term, no surprise birth defects, normal growth, and staying

out of the high-risk

group within the

clinic.‛ Provided those

things were in place,

everything was

wonderful.

Experiencing the

contrast of the two

types of cares,

motivated me to do my

own research,

following the

guidelines that I was

first given, at least most

of the time.

By the time, I had my baby I was already on my way to being

well-versed in early brain development. To my surprise, again,

none of my very kind and lovely doctors and nurses, talked

about reading to a child, mental health, enriched environments,

dangers of television, and so on. Even the occasional handouts

about ‚baby games‛ never talked about why they were

important. There were no scientific explanations. No magazines

to motivate parents. My baby was healthy, had healthy reflexes,

and was gaining weight and growing at a healthy rate.

Everything was wonderful.

I couldn’t help but constantly wonder, ‚Wait, these moms don’t

know what I know. What if I had never been to that office when

As an added support, I have

developed a FREE internet

community complete with chat

rooms, online discussions,

videos, and many other features.

The tools for your child to beat

the odds are available. It is up to

you, to read, apply yourself, and

share the information with

others. Together we will make

the difference in our children’s

lives and the future of our

community.

9

I first got pregnant? Would I really not know any of this? How

would have I found out?‛

There is so much more to pre-natal care and early child

development than going full term and monitoring healthy

growth! Showing parents and caregivers how to create that

‚right‛ environment for babies early in their years is a real big

deal. In my opinion, and that of many scientists, educators and

economists, it is the single top priority we have as a nation. But

that message is not reaching low income black and Latina moms

and caregivers fast enough. Heck, it almost missed me!

Earlier I stated, education was my ticket out but motherhood my

ticket in. Growing up, I had always been an exception. I was an

effortless over-achiever. While my school experience,

scholarships, and career opportunities were my out, they also

separated me. Sitting in that clinic, waiting for prenatal care,

with other black and Latino expectant moms, every month, on

the other hand, married me to my community.

As I waited my turn, I was not my degree. I, along with the other

expectant moms, was United States’ history. Slavery in this

country was abolished just 140 years ago and kept alive through

sharecropping until 80 years ago. Eighty years! That was just

the other day. The Jim Crowe laws that enforced the oppression,

beating, and lynching of blacks were in legal effect up to 1965 or

46 years ago. And the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment, which

infected rural poor black men with syphilis and resulted in the

further infection of their wives and unborn babies was

terminated as recent as 1972. If at the time just 35 years prior, a

government could infect black men, women, and babies with

disease, could I be genuinely surprised that we were not being

taught true prenatal care and early brain development? I

couldn’t.

10

Whether I had ever realized it before, the mothers in that waiting

area, their babies, my baby, and I all shared a bond. That bond

has a name: poor, black, and brown. All of the good intentions

in the world, on behalf of doctors, nurses, public workers, and

private advocates don’t change a country’s history. Pregnant

women, their unborn babies, and young children are the most

vulnerable recipients of that history. Being preoccupied with the

idea of creating a good life for my own son was my ticket to

caring for my sisters’ children and our collective well-being.

When it comes to early childhood and brain development, the

clock works against us. There is no time. And we, as a

community, cannot afford to live in ignorance. This book and

accompanying resources are products of me reading hundreds

of books and papers, taking courses, dedicating hours of studies,

interviewing professionals, working with moms, and learning

through my son. I share them with the same passion that

motherhood affords me with my own son.

Think of This as You Read the Book

I once heard a woman from South Africa speak on the Ubuntu

mindset. She said, ‚If your neighbor is hungry and there is food

in your pantry, don’t go to bed without giving him a plate. I am

what I am because of who we all are. Recognizing that reality is

how we have survived.‛

While, many of us do not know the type of hunger the woman

was speaking on, everyday in my community, I see hungry

mothers. I see hungry children. They are hungry for the

answers that science can give them. Hungry for a way to make it

out of the struggle.

11

I have found answers. My pantry is full. My efforts are my way

of feeding my neighbors, wherever they may live. My only hope

is once their own pantry is full, they do the same. Ubuntu.

Community distribution is the HEART of this

movement. If we can buy sickness in our

community, it is only right that we also be able to

purchase the cure with the same ease.

From beauty shops to churches, ask your local

businesses and non-profit organizations to carry this

book for sale. Become an independent sales agent.

Start a parenting group or class using the book as the

resource. Suggest your pre-natal or pediatric clinic

have complimentary copies in the waiting area. Be

creative. Let’s flood our communities with solutions.

12

For the purposes of this book, I define:

Poverty and low income: Any household that cannot

afford private or home school and lives in struggling

public school district, receives earned income credit

on their tax return, and/or receives any type of

government food, health, or financial assistance.

Babies: Children under the age of 5, unless

otherwise specified.

Part I

1

Ring the Alarm!

Let’s talk about some relationships we know exist in this

country:

Poverty Mental Illnesses

Mental Illness Education Gap

Mental Illness *Prison

Poverty Learning Disabilities and Education Gap

Learning Disabilities and Education Gap Prison

Prison Poverty

Poverty Physical Illness

*Juvenile corrections included in prison population

Poor or low income families are more likely to be sick, have

learning disabilities, suffer from mental illness, drop out of

school, go to prison, and remain in poverty. A common

denominator to all of these is race. 2010 census revealed blacks

and Hispanic household incomes are the lowest in of the

population.

13

Here is a limited snapshot of what some of those relationships

look like:

88% of black fourth-grade boys are NOT proficient in

reading.

The dropout rate for black males in some states is as high

as 61%.

75% of state prison inmates and 59% of federal inmates

are high-school dropouts

o One out of three black women jailed did not

complete high school, were unemployed, or had

incomes below the poverty level at the time of

their arrest.

o Hispanic federal inmates have a lower education

level than both whites and blacks

Black males represent 4% of population yet 30% of prison

population. Hispanic men are almost four times as likely

to go to prison.

Black women make up nearly half of the nation’s female

prison population. Trailing behind are Hispanic women.

Hispanic women make up 15% of the state and 32% of

the federal prison (female) populations. Black women

are 8 times more likely and Hispanic women 4 times

more likely to go to prison than white women.

Estimates suggest that as many as two million

incarcerated men and women suffer from mental health

problems.

14

Continued

In the juvenile justice system, approximately 70% suffer

from mental disorders, with 25% experiencing disorders

so severe that their ability to function is significantly

impaired. Mental health and learning disabilities are

displayed through moderate to severe depression,

ADHD, bipolarity, anxiety disorders, among others

48-88% of women inmates experienced sexual or physical

abuse before coming to prison, and suffer from post-

traumatic stress disorder.

Blacks die nearly twice as often from hypertension than

whites and make up about 30% of patients on dialysis

due to kidney failure.

Most of you reading this are black or Latino and therefore, these

are not just hypothetical facts to you, they are a part of your

reality.

Now for the good news<most of this can be avoided.

The groundwork for mental health, physical health, learning

abilities, and school readiness is established the first five years of

a child’s life, starting in the womb. Research studies have shown

that a baby’s brain begins to develop within the first weeks after

conception and certain parts are fully developed during the first

two trimesters. During the first 10 months of infancy, the

foundation of life’s mental health and overall well being is laid

down. At 18 months, language differences in children from

wealthy versus low income families are evident. Predispositions

15

for physical illness like high blood pressure, or mental illnesses

such as anxiety and depression also happen during the first

years, starting with the first months.

In reality, it’s not the poverty (lack of income) launching these

destructive triggers. It’s the environment and experiences that

children in poverty have during the first years. I will show you,

using scientific fact, that as you change the environment factors

and experiences a child has, regardless of socioeconomic levels,

you can also maximize the brain and body’s potential for

success. You can break destructive cycles.

Parents and caregivers dictate the home environment and early

experiences of a child. Therefore, in order to change the

environment our kids are living in and what our communities

look like, it is my belief you must empower parents and

caregivers. You have to ring the alarm. Parents need to

understand the level of impact that they have on their children

and society as a whole. Just as importantly, they have to know

how to create a healthy environment.

Not teaching low income parents the relationship between the

early years and poverty, prison, education gaps, and disease

supports their permanency. Alternatively, teaching parents

threatens their existence.

16

Reality Check

Today, millions of inner city public school students can’t read,

write, and/or do math at a level that will qualify them to get into

or thrive in college; much less the job market. The socio-

emotional skills of our youth are just as sad. Many of them are

discouraged, angry, violent, and hopeless. The same goes for

rural schools. In a country, that exports factory and service jobs,

what’s left for the low literate, low skilled citizen?

Our grandparent’s and parent’s factory, government, military,

and teaching jobs as an exit out of poverty are long gone.

Without a good education, critical thinking and communication

skills, the ability to relate to others and build a network, and

good mental and physical health, there is no go-to exit strategy.

All that is left is poverty, prison, oppression, and disease.

The future, and the present, has opportunities for innovators,

service businesses, technology based businesses, culturally

relevant products, medicine, law, international business,

engineering, and a thing called intellectual property. Short of a

miracle, many of our children will never actualize their

potential. Without some major intervention, planning, and effort,

what you see outside your window is as good as it gets and

might not be there long.

Ask yourself: Do I have those skills required of me to succeed?

Did my community and school experiences prepare me to have

them? If I don’t have them myself, and my community and

schools aren’t equipped how will my child receive them? Are

the experiences I am creating for my baby giving her the skills

and health she will need to succeed? Most likely, the answer to

these questions is no. Your child is your hope. Are you willing

17

to just sit back and trust that same system that handed you your

odds with your hope?

Our problems aren’t just about reading rates and diplomas

either, as I referenced earlier, our communities are sicker, poorer,

and suffering from a lack of mental health in record numbers.

This system is broken. Broken systems create broken people.

Broken people become broken parents. Broken parents rear broken

children.

Unless you couple the love you have for your child with the

right foundation, that baby you love so much is going to be

working with even less than you in a world that will require

even more! What are his or her chances? Success or poverty? A

career or prison? Health or illness? Earlier, I wrote the phrase

‚without some major intervention, planning, and effort.‛ You

are your child’s major intervention. The book you are reading is

more than printed words on paper. It is your vehicle to

improving your child’s odds.

The sooner you understand the topics in this book, the sooner

you can take steps to implement them. You and your child can

beat whatever grim circumstances you face. Once you read this

book and hopefully join our online community, you will

discover that the first 5 years of life are powerful years, which

can create conditions for lifelong success or failure. As the

caregiver of a child, you are the ‚gatekeeper‛ of that power.

Using science, you can shape your children’s future.

Being aware and staying committed to change are the biggest

hurdles. The rest is easily done. My hope for you is that you use

this knowledge to change and prompt others to change with

you.

18

Why? Matters

Have you ever walked by an electrical fence? As dangerous as

they are, no one would think to put a sign on them that simply

said ‚DON’T TOUCH.‛ Instead, there’s an explanation.

‚CAUTION: ELECTRIC SHOCK IS DEADLY.‛ There is even a

picture. There is a reason for that. It has to do with the way our

brains process information. Brains are wired to take in and pay

attention to information that is relevant to our survival. It is

how and why it ‚sorts‛ information. When we are given

information without an explanation or a ‚why‛ our brain

categorizes the information as irrelevant and treats it

accordingly. Poof! It forgets it! ‚Whys‛ matter; they make us

pay attention.

Parenting knowledge, instruction, or common wisdom that

comes with a ‚why‛ is important to have. A parent who doesn’t

understand that a baby not getting enough sleep can impact his

brain in ways that can affect his life forever, for example, might not

put a baby to bed early. Coincidentally, that’s why our kids are

up at all times of the night. The same goes with letting kids

watch TV and eat junk food or not reading, talking, playing,

climbing, crawling, touching, breastfeeding, playing with paint

and so on. If our moms knew better they would do better. But,

for many no one has ever taken the time to teach them the

‚whys.‛

Often, I hear people talking about low income parents, even

loving ones, doing a terrible job. My answer: ‚Has anyone

taught them differently? Have those parents been shown the

impact early childhood has on mental health and achievement?

Do they understand the links between early childhood and adult

disease and prison? Who is teaching them? Us?‛

19

Read this carefully:

The difference between a high achieving, professional

and a low skilled or unskilled member of the poor can

come down to a 12-18 point difference in IQ and non-IQ

related intelligence. This difference is mostly influenced

by one thing aside from a person’s genes---his

experiences as a child ages 0-5!

The difference between being physically and mentally

healthy for an entire lifetime is highly determined by

one thing other than genes---his experiences as child

ages 0-5. This is especially true of the first months

through secure attachment.

The ability to have skills that contribute to our success

such as delaying gratification and thinking critically are

developed early on through our experiences as children,

ages 0-5.

You won’t have to take my word on this. Later, I will include

direct quotes and excerpts from a number of experts that

validate these points.

When is the last time you heard anyone around you paying that

much attention to the experiences of babies, 0-5? To what they

eat? To what they hear? To what they see? To what they feel?

Many of you reading this book have probably never linked your

baby’s experiences now to a potential life of struggle; much less

the prenatal period. As a culture, we don’t understand the

importance of the first five years. Because of this, without ever

knowing, we limit our children’s lives, and our communities, from the

crib.

20

This isn’t a question of love. Our love doesn’t change the truth

behind science. Not knowing and knowing changes how science

affects us. Parents that are taught how to shape the experience of

a developing brain, which includes: what to do, what not to do,

and most importantly, why and how it all works, are privileged; as

a result, so are their kids. The opposite is also true. Parents not

being taught the same thing are hopelessly clueless. Their kids

are often not prepared if not damaged through life. One group

thrives. One group suffers.

One of my main goals as a parent advocate is to teach parents the

hows and the whys because knowing them matters.

21

It’s Not the Children, It’s Their Brains!

Walk into a public school today and you’ll soon find out there

are babies 6 and 7 years old already labeled ‚poor readers‛ and

‚problem children.‛ Some are even repeating kindergarten and

1st grade. By middle school, many feel indifferent towards

learning. In many cities, dropping out is now the norm.

Unfortunately, whether our children drop out in the 10th grade

or finish the 12th doesn’t matter if they’ve checked out mentally

years before.

Equally as tragic are the children who, finish school full of hope,

and still walk out lacking the skills to make it through college,

trade school, or the workplace. Our children all over the country

are being robbed daily of their right to an education or even the

pursuit of happiness. Not to mention, millions are clinically

depressed and mentally ill; many of them never diagnosed or

treated.

While this process does have something to do with the way the

school and justice systems are set up that’s not where the process

starts. The process begins while our children’s brains are first

developing. An improperly wired brain can result in a lifetime of

severe academic difficulties, lack of motivation, behavior

problems, overall challenge, and illness (more on brain wiring

later.) It’s not the children that are the problem; they are the

casualty of war. It’s their brains.

Our brains control everything we do and most of what we are

capable of. If we are going to improve our children’s ability to

read, write, think, create, feel, and do, it only makes sense that

we also study the thing that’s responsible for those processes.

22

About 50% of our brain’s capabilities (includes intelligence,

emotions, personality, overall health) are determined by genes

and the other 50% by the environment in which the brain

develops, starting in the womb. Along those lines, up to 80% of

a person’s brain develops the first 3 years of life and another 10%

the next two years. In other words, 90% of a person’s brain

development takes place during the first 5 years, before

kindergarten; and half of that is directly impacted by the

environment and adult relationships in a child’s life! Although

the brain will continue to develop and be affected throughout

life, those first years carry the bulk of a lifetime’s development.

Let’s try to visualize this process. During the first months, a

brain develops by having its physical needs met and using its

senses to gather meaning from its surrounding. Humans are

hard-wired with a need to be touched and comforted as infants.

By working with a child’s instincts and tending to its needs,

adults create what is called ‚secure attachment‛ in an infant.

Secure attachment assures a defenseless infant that ‚the world is

a safe, loving place.‛ This process is the foundation for thinking,

analyzing, communicating, reading, and feeling safe enough to

express feelings, develop trust, and seek out new experiences.

Attachment is the most basic building block in life and begins

with our very first relationships with caregivers, usually

mothers, the moment we arrive. The brain systems that process

safety and emotions are first to develop because ‚safety and

emotions‛ is what the brain first taps into before it can think,

learn, and make decisions. If there is any dysfunction or hiccups

while these systems develop, there will always be a chance of

potential dysfunction in our actions, thinking, learning, and

relationships. A child without secure attachment might lack

perspective, tend to overreact, struggle with anger management

23

or learning disabilities, suffer from depression or anxiety, or lack

empathy throughout his life.

What does this mean for parents? Babies need our love, our

affection, and care at all times. It’s not just a ‘nice’ thing to do. It

is literately what brains need in order to grow and be healthy.

As a baby’s needs are met, its brain registers love, affection,

comfort and above all safety. The message which a baby

receives is ‚I matter.‛ This becomes its cue to learn, grow, and

develop.

Have you ever heard someone say ‚don’t pick up the baby too

much you are going to spoil him‛ or ‚let him cry it’s good for his

lungs?‛ Of course you have. These well intended pieces of

advice are responsible for millions of negatively impacted

brains. A baby cannot be ‚spoiled‛ the first months of life. It is

impossible. While babies are born capable of many amazing

things, manipulation is not one of them.

A baby cries because it’s one of the only ways he can

communicate. Therefore, if when a baby is left to cry

unattended for long periods of time, the experience semi-

permanently damages his brain. The fact that a baby might stop

crying or is able to fall asleep after 15-20 minutes of crying does

not mean he was able to ‚soothe‛ himself but instead, that he

gave up on the comfort and safety of his world and the adults he

was supposed to trust.

Semi-permanently? Well, sort of. Our brains are ‚plastic,‛ they

adapt. Should that baby’s neglectful environment change, with

repeated positive experiences the brain will make new

‚connections.‛ The earlier, richer, and more consistent the

environment changes, the better, of course. If the environment

24

The effects of neglect and rejection the first months

aren’t always evident early but can and often do

last a lifetime.

From shutting down in school, to bullying kids in

the yard, to picking abusive partners or becoming

an abuser years down the line, as a brain is

challenged, problems rooted in infancy have a way

of showing up!

stays the same, however, as it often does, that brain is impacted

for life.

Question: How many homes in our communities are learning

about early brain development and changing their environment?

Answer: Not nearly enough. Urgency is called for.

25

Brain Wiring, the Olympics, and Gridlock

As mentioned, your brain is the headquarters of your existence.

The brain is broken down into a few major parts and several

sub-parts. Each part has a different function. The brain is made

up mostly of brain cells, called neurons, and water. Neurons

connect to each other, with branch-like arms or dendrites, in

order to create a net or a web for information to travel through.

This web is what is referred to as brain wiring. Information

travels through the brain’s wiring, from side to side, front to

back, and throughout the body in order to process thoughts,

feelings, and actions. The better each part of the brain is

developed and is able to communicate, the better the brain

function. The opposite is also true.

In talking about information traveling through the brain, it

might be helpful to think of the inside of a brain as a living space

such as a city and its brain wiring as the transportation and

housing system the city relies on. Now, imagine that our

journey through life is the equivalent of a city hosting the

Olympics.

When a city hosts the Olympics there is an enormous amount of

economic growth. Money is made not just for the event but

years before and after. Jobs are created, hotels and homes are

built, and marketing materials are sold. Tourism booms. New

families move into the city and make it their permanent

residence. One of the reasons Atlanta is what is today is what

the Olympics did to that city more than 15 years ago! The

activity and financial benefit is endless. Hosting the Olympics is

a really big deal. It is one of if not a city’s biggest opportunities

for growth and why countries must bid and campaign to be

selected.

26

Yet, the Olympics committee must choose and notify a hosting

city years ahead of the actual Olympic event because cities aren’t

equipped for the Olympics by design; they need to build

themselves up. It takes time, manpower, and skill to handle the

people, security requirements, traffic, and events. Sidewalks,

stadiums, airports, roads and highways all need to be upgraded

to handle the increased volume of activity. Hospitals,

ambulances, police and fire departments must be trained and

coordinated to handle a security emergency. Complex operations

need complex systems of transportation, lodging, and distribution. In

fact, in order to win the Olympics’ bid, a country must prove

that it can prepare itself by a deadline.

What would happen if the Mayor, highway workers, city

planner, Department of Health, and Department of Tourism all

started making moves at the same time, without ever speaking

to one another or following the guidelines of the Olympics

committee? What if they started using cheap material to build or

hired unskilled contractors? There would be chaos. Once

finished, the city would most likely face things not working,

being in conflict with each other, and simply being insufficient.

In one word: gridlock. With such an important project, there

needs to be a plan in place, a city needs to have the materials and

skilled workers, actions must be coordinated, and in the end,

everything must be finished on time.

Forget morning traffic. What does a real gridlock situation look

like? Think about the scenes just before Katrina hit New

Orleans. Do you remember the images on the news as storms of

cars headed out? How about after the levies broke? Without a

plan or alternative routes, volumes of people attempting to get

in or out of the city proved impossible. When complex

27

situations meet non-complex systems, gridlock is more than

inconvenient, it is tragic. This is exactly how the brain and life work.

While the fetus is in the womb, brain development begins. This

is one of the reasons pre-natal care is so important. When a baby

is born, however only the very basic functions are connected or

‚hard wired.‛ To keep using our example, at birth, your baby’s

transportation and distribution system is made up of a very

short, narrow, two-way road used to communicate basic needs

such as food, rest, or touching as well as pick up information or

learn.

In order for brain parts and functions to develop, nurture or

environment comes into play. Moment by moment, every

experience stimulates the brain so that it makes a ‚connection.‛

When experiences are repeated ‚connections‛ related with those

experiences are strengthened. Weak connections are constantly

pruned off or eliminated. Strong connections become permanent

brain wiring. Permanent connections or wiring are equal to ‚the

highways, hotels, stadiums, hospitals, sidewalks and airports‛ of

a city. With each connection, the transportation and lodging

system expands. The more connections, the more complex the

brain structure, the more fit it is for the Olympics, or say, a

hurricane.

This is where it gets really interesting. Just like with the

Olympics, there is a deadline. Host cities have to pull off all

operations by a particular date. This is why a city will hire the

best people and buy the best materials needed to get the job

done on time. Similarly, 75-80% of a person’s brain development

must happen by the age of 3! Another 10-15% happens from

ages 3-5! That is 90% of the brain’s wiring created by the age of

5. These ages are the equivalent of those Olympic committee

deadlines. I’m going to remind you of that every chance I get,

because it’s a major detail.

28

Many of our children today are facing complex circumstances

with a brain structure that lacks complexity. One of the first

places we see this inadequacy is literacy. There is nothing

simple about the English language, much less reading and

writing it. Literacy is about putting sound to the feelings and

thoughts that are inside a person using a common language.

Then combining ‚symbols or letters‛ to represent those sounds.

Following that, we use rules (front to back, left to right, top to

bottom, commas, periods, capital and lower case letters, and

spelling) to put words into sentences and sentences into

paragraphs. Add to this, metaphors (cold as ice) and idiomatic

expressions (‚what’s up?‛). Children are expected to have these

skills by the whopping age of six! The same can be said of the

wonderful world of math.

As children move up in grades, texts become harder.

Vocabulary and language structure more demanding. Math gets

more abstract. Science and history are introduced. The overall

amount of work and pressure to produce increases each year.

Social factors, like hormones and physical changes, are added to

the mix. The complexity snowballs quickly. As the complexity

grows, a brain’s capacity is challenged. If the capacity is

insufficient, highways back up, structures crumble. Gridlock

happens.

Gridlock in a person show ups as frustration, loss of interest,

excess difficulty completing age appropriate tasks, confusion,

stress, mental health deficiencies, depression, aggression, being

‚disconnected,‛ hopelessness, and lack of compassion, to name a

few. Society has a way of labeling our youth (who then grow up

right?) as ‚bad,‛ ‚violent,‛ ‚lost,‛ ‚slow,‛ and even ‚trifling,‛

without ever noting that what we are actually seeing is mental

gridlock.

29

End of Preview

Want to purchase?

Visit: www.urbanbailout.ning.com

Twitter: @BE_PURE