EDITION FIVE 2015

Editors: Rachael Roberts Sally O’Brien

Contributors: Soham Adwani, Betty Belay, Leo Groenendyk, Claire Kearns, LTSU Office Bearers, Linda Marikar, Rose Mason, Kathleen O’Connor, George Papandreou, Shane Ravernhill, Yves Sylvain, Robert Schiavone, Tom Wade

Cover: Rachael Roberts

Printing: CMYK online

Rabelais magazine is proudly published by the LTSU. Views expressed by writers are not necessarily those of the editors or publisher. Copyright is reserved and all reproductions of material must have the written consent of the editors.

This land is the country of the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin Nations. Rabelais and its editors would like to pay our respects to their elders past and present, and acknowledge that this university has been constructed on stolen Aboriginal land.

Rabelais welcomes all student submissions!

To get involved visit our office or Email: ltsu_rabelais@latrobe.edu.au Phone: 9479 1028

La Trobe Student Union Inc. Upper Agora West La Trobe University Bundoora, Vic, 3086

Facebook.com/RabelaisStudentMediaWebsite: rabelais.com.au

ARTWORK: LEO GROENENDYK

2

01. Leo Groenendyk Artwork

03. Editor’s message

05. The thing about res kids

07. Linda Marikar Artwork

08. News as Circumstance

09. The comfort of blind instinct

10. Samantha Yap Interview

12. Noughtie’s Nostalgia: You’ve been warned

14. The Fine Colour of Rust review

15. Accessorizing with single malts

18. Bands for beards to listen to

19. Stop using the PTV app

20. Office bearer reports

26. Higher education in 2015

27. Rachael Roberts Photography

28. In Memoriam

31. Strangely specific horoscopes

32. Linda Marikar Artwork

contents

EDITORSHello and welcome back from what we hope was a restful and enjoyable holiday.

While most of our students are now back from the semester break, a small group have teamed with the rest of the survivors a few miles outside of the city while part of the group, led by Rick, goes back to Atlanta to reclaim the weapons bag and rescue Merle, but find that he has escaped somewhere by sawing off his hand.

Meanwhile your editors have decided to enter the illegal drug trade to develop a sufficient inheritance for our family before we succumb to cancer using our chemistry knowledge to cook remarkably potent methamphetamine, enlisting the help of a former student, to help sell the meth using his experience in the Albuquerque drug scene.

Much to our dismay we were arrested and sentenced to fifteen months in Litchfield, a women’s federal prison. Here we insulted the chef’s food and changed our career path from making meth to selling dirty underwear, briefly falling in love with Ruby Rose before being released on parole with community service, just in time to start appealing for submissions to edition five.

As part of the community service, where we developed super powers during a freak storm, we had to aid the design and construction of a community park, which was fun for the whole family. Due to our new criminal record, our options became limited and we had to enrol in community college. We spent our degree busy campaigning for campus wide paintball and pillow fort construction competitions.

After graduating from community college, Rachael became the creative director of Sterling Cooper Advertising Agency, despite her hard drinking and hard smoking lifestyle, shadowy military past and history of infidelity. She also legally changed her name to Don Draper. Meanwhile, Sally stumbled upon an interview with Harvey Specter during a botched drug deal and despite being a college dropout, she landed a job at a New York law firm.

After a dramatic series finale, we decided to get back to our true calling of journalism and we made our big break by securing a source in the DC political establishment to move up in the Washington Herald. We started submitting reports based on the leaked info from Frank Underwood before creating Rabelais edition five as a side project.

So as you can tell, we’ve been really busy and we also discovered Netflix, how was your break La Trobe?

facebook.com/rabelaisstudentmedia

Rabelais

!

Rebellious

5 RABELAIS

ROSE MASON

THE THING ABOUT

Res kidsI’ve lived on college for four short months. In just these few, brief months, I’ve been expected to pick up my whole life, move eight hours away from people I love and care about and to start my life again. My story is not different from anyone else’s story on college and that is why the never-ending battles against day stu-dents and college kids really grinds my gears.

Firstly, I can’t speak for any of the other colleges, but I sure as hell know that on my college, it’s all about being social. The college culture is a strange one. At the start of the year you have 30 odd people on a floor that you don’t know. To that, add 300 other people living in the same quarters that you also don’t know. Then think about the fact that there are multiple colleges with multiple people in them that you don’t know. In short, it’s mildly terrifying and if you are like me and know only one person out of that whole lot, it can be over-whelming. That’s just the beginning. Living on college is like one big sleepover, it’s just that the sleepover extends for the best part of a year and the end of it we are all thick as thieves. Really, we’re all just here to make friends and that’s not always easy and some-times having no other option but to get to know people speeds up the process exponentially. Once you do find friendship groups though, they tend to stick. There are people I met back in February when I moved in that I consider to be some of my closest friends and for the second year students, it’s even harder. They have a previous years worth of bonding with people from their old floors that they want to hold onto. Add to that an increased uni workload and it’s understandable that they simply might not have the time to be friends with other people. That’s just how things work sometimes and the kids on college understand that. This brings us to day students. When you live on col-

lege, you begin with no one and leave with a family. For day students, it’s not the same. Chances are if you are a day student, you probably live at home or in a share house or a flat or whatever kind of accommodation that enables you to live somewhere where you can get to university and you have the ability to see friends and family on a regular basis and that’s all well and good. I know college kids who go home every weekend to play sport or to work or to see family and it’s a struggle for them. You day kids need to recognize that college kids do not have the luxury of going home at the end of the day. Home could be hours and hours away for us and that isn’t always easy to deal with. However, when you live with 30 other people and see them daily, it’s not hard to figure out why we all get so close so quickly. Then add you guys, people we see maybe once or twice a week and only ever interact with during school hours, in an education setting. Is it any wonder college kids don’t seem to have an interest in day students when they can literally walk back to their room and be sur-rounded by people they already know? I don’t think it is.

Lastly, I’d just like to dispel the myth that college kids are lazy and annoying and whatever negative com-ments you’ve been seeing floating around on Stalker-Space. Oh dear day students, how wrong you are for some of the hardest working people I have ever met are in fact living with me at this very moment. I’m sure there is omissions to whatever stereotypes you hold but there are always exceptions to the rule. The fact of the matter is that we are all university students and we all have our lazy days. If you think you are the one special snowflake that isn’t lazy ever, get out. Laziness isn’t defined by whether or not you live on campus or not, it’s an intrinsic characteristic of being human so

Rabelais

!

Rebellious

LA TROBE//

6

that busts that myth out the door. I’m sure each and every one of the day students would love to live within a five minute walk from all your classes. It’s a goddam luxury and us college kids use (and potentially abuse) it for all it’s worth. I’d like to see you try to live on college and not love the closeness of it all. After a week, you too would be living the shoeless life, no questions asked.

So next time you see a college kid wandering shoeless or hung over around campus, please cut us some slack. I know we can be annoying and come off as arrogant, but really we are very nice people once you get to know us. Day students and college kids live different lifestyles and those differences are what make our university

such a diverse place to be. At the end of the day, living on college or otherwise, we’re all just students and we all have our own lives to live; holding prejudices based simply on housing circumstances is fickle and pointless. We’re all students of the same university and as such we are all treated the same; there is no point in trying to establish a hierarchy between day students and col-lege kids. The more we get along, the better everyone’s uni experience will be.

PHOTO: RACHAEL ROBERTS

ARTWORK: LINDA MARIKARHEADACHE

Each volume is printed in the image and aura of a fifth grade pamphlet, containing along with quality, just as much love. Whether or not this love is his, Chaster sells his paper as a fixture not far from where he’s always been.

New issues are due each Friday, and that Friday is sold every day until the next. The price is negligible but the labour is free. Call it desperate economics. Call it anything behind his back or straight at his ashen face, and Chaster will be there to greet you just the same:“Hello there miss beautiful!Could you buy the needy paper today?”

“Remember, sir, needy is the opposite of attractive,” a gentle women once told him.She’s right. Needy was the wrong name. It needed to go.

After years and years he knows how he makes them feel. The awkward hitch of false preoccupation a few feet and coming. It’s that sudden interest of a Starbucks cup and he knows he’s lost a reader. Experience has taught him not to deter – as soon as a face sinks, grab at the next with the same genial bait. Then repeat. Hold the paper in the elbow and cradle the sheets with a steady hand. They will sell; everybody breaks.

One young man, a poet, in the spring stopped and observed for what seemed like an hour these interactions, then denatured Chaster: But were a screen to play out loud a show not usually seen, to them, would the same people see the ground grind down a man and cement him for them? Or maybe he was young once too, and the quality adorning his paper, if he in fact writes it, is the most he was prepared with at birth. Maybe a writer born black and poor was deficient in something important, like nutrition. Because crack, the unfortunate rhyme, or just negligence fails to fulfill the needs of nutrition in an aqueous solution.

In winter, they ask him back if his face has feeling; and

He continues:“Why hello young man!Could you spare some change for the spare change paper?”

Their questions come, in passing, as to a child to assess their understanding of the world. Are you sure you’re not cold, it’s miserable out here: go, go inside. That’s the sane thing to do. They will assess that he is in fact insane. Why else would he fix himself in the stream of sane people, like a statue, and not go with them? Numb ears are the talk of the season, so they will leave Chaster alone. But as mammal as them – of course he’s cold.

Outside, his corner lays far enough away from the coffee shop. He likes that spot because of the bitter smell in the morning, which mixes with the crispness of the hollow morning cold to activate his brain: those spots he’s stroked into a unique drive. Not one to critique, given his stature, but a while back he spoke to the café owner, a busy guy, about changing the mustard yellow awning to a more appealing red. Chaster recommended a deep red for royalty. The change was considered – and eventually implemented – and the busy man to his equal pleasure and dismay, became busier.

Later Chaster realized that this change came through him. This took him longer than would be expected; another man had acted off his thought. Wow – the impact of his mind contains the potential to thrust and the world give way to this idea. The word thrust, he imagined with infinite power letting the sharp t thrust through the tin sphere of his mind, echoing heat. Welling on the balls of his feet he felt power foreign and new. News as clay. News as something other than circumstance. And to this to thank Chaster for his contribution to the world: the owner now allows him to use his bathroom. Some of his friends come along when they’ve had too much coffee; and the busy man even allows that.

NEWS AS CIRCUMSTANCE

ROBERT SCHIAVONE

9 RABELAIS

Perhaps it is the sun that shines,They all turn from utter despair,Heads tilted, arms wide; to prepare.In a row my garden aligns,Guarded by shade, bluebell reclines,Or daffodil with ne’er a care,Sighs sweetly in the open air,My voice and soft sunlight she dines.

The certainty of life, of turn,Rests not with florets of night,Closed eyes advancing, set sight.Lips, round echo their duty,Whispers of gardens filled with their beauty,No star-crossed names above,Your life; always mine, my love,Mouths bound by daisy chains, abandon return.

YVES SYLVAIN

THE COMFORT OF BLIND INSTINCT

PHOTO: RACHAEL ROBERTSPOEM//

10

It was the beginning of 2013 when shocking floods shook the city of Jakarta in Indonesia. A rush of panic, heartbreak and loss swept the city in a matter of minutes. Samantha Yap followed the media frenzy, as they stood amongst the rubble reporting on the disaster with dirty water flowing around their knees. A short distance from the main city was a small village torn apart. Away from the broken homes, was a small parking lot overflowing with scared and freezing civilians, as they sat on floor mats like animals in a cage. Heartbroken at what she saw, Samantha approached one of the women, knelt down and asked her “What do you really want?”. She wanted to know if these people were angry with their government for not providing more shelter for all the families who had lost everything as she listened to their children’s cries. The women looked up at her and said, “All I want is soap and a mop to clean my home when the water subsides.” Shock came over 22 year old Samantha as she looked around and saw all the homes in ruins with water damage all the way up to their roofs. It was that moment the Australian reporter Samantha Yap, wanted to be a journalist in South East Asia.

Samantha Yap is an Australian reporter currently producing a current affair show at Channel Asia news in Singapore. Throughout her life, she has undergone many struggles to fight for her dream position as an Asian Foreign correspondent. “I want to do news and I want to be reporting,” Yap says, “and eventually I will make my way up there.”

With plenty of experience in Australia, Producing and reporting with Melbourne’s local radio station, interning with the Australia Broadcasting Corporation and Special Broadcasting Service, Samantha always wanted to go home. “I am an Australian citizen… I grew up in Indonesia”, says Yap.

Growing up in Indonesia she always knew she wanted to be a journalist from a young age. “Asia was just so heartwarming and interesting to me,” she says, always dreaming of reporting on its people. Throughout the years, Samantha moved around from Malaysia, to Indonesia, Australia and then Singapore, but Indonesia is where she feels at home. “I am a global citizen, I feel like the question where do you come from is not even a

TELEVISION JOURNALIST AND PRODUCER OF CHANNEL ASIA NEWS IN SINGAPORE DESCRIBES HERSELF AS LUCKY. KATHLEEN O’CONNOR CHATS TO MS. YAP AFTER HER FLIGHT HOME FROM HONG KONG.

SAMANTHA YAPKATHLEEN O’CONNOR

11 RABELAIS

question anymore,” she says.“Where you were born does not determine where you come from, I feel more at home in Indonesia…culturally.”

After most of her young life travelling around Asia, her parents migrated to Melbourne. “It was great growing up in in Melbourne, it was a really good education.” The global citizen enrolled into a journalism degree at Monash University to pursue her life dream of becoming the next Monita Rajpal from CNN International. “I really admired her, I just liked watching her on the news.” Throughout her Australian study, she believed in taking every opportunity. She wanted to work at the ABC or SBS being an Asia Pacific region journalist, and sent them her stories regularly. “I wanted to work for the ABC or SBS, but then their funds got cut and it was not like they were going to hire fresh graduates.”

As well as completing a degree, she never forgot about her Asian dream, and studied a diploma of languages in Indonesian at Monash. She also completed two summer programs in Indonesia going back when she could. “I really loved Melbourne, but I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing.”

On one of those summer internship programs, Samantha grew fierce. The first exchange program took her back to Jakarta where she had grown up, but this time everything was different. “I quickly got on a motorbike and went to the station where I was meeting some other journalists who were reporting on the floods”, says Sam. “We were reporting the whole day, for about 12 hours…It was very heartbreaking.” She needed to report on stories like these that were happening in Indonesia, and she thought if she couldn’t get a job in Australia, she would move to Asia.

“I applied online, did two Skype interviews and I flew to Singapore.” Channel News Asia was a program she grew up listening to and her parents always referenced something they had seen or heard on the show. Picking up and moving to Asia came with it’s costs-especially for a 22 year old. As Singapore’s housing prices are sky high, Samantha barely has any money misses her family and friends. “I moved away from family and friends, but then again you meet your colleagues and it’s more of an experience…it’s what we do as journalists.” Samantha believes that even though she misses Australia, she feels at home in Singapore. “Working at Channel News Asia it’s tough love…but they are very cultural and I understand their culture.”

It was because of the summer internship program that Sam really wanted to be a journalist in South East Asia. Indonesia is a developing region and Sam believes Australia is already so well developed. “Australia has its problems but its problems aren’t as bad as what is happening in Asia,” she says. She describes the refugee problem in Asia where people are floating between Malaysia, Indonesia and Thailand. Being a strong advocate for human rights, Sam believes everyone has the right to call a country home. “These migrants are floating and starving because no country is willing to take them in. They are global citizens like me, just because they don’t have a passport doesn’t mean that they should be in that situation.”

Her ultimate dream is to continue to raise global awareness of these problems by becoming an Indonesian foreign correspondent. Sam wants to work in either Hong Kong or Indonesia, continuing to develop her Chinese language skills. Her constant efforts with trying to reach Australian broadcasting corporations were becoming tough, especially in such a competitive industry. “I tried to tell the ABC that I’m very interested in the region and that I could report for [them] …that was the window to Asia for Australians living in Australia and Australians abroad”.

With her evolved producing skills she is becoming more and more confident in her future everyday. “I feel like [at the moment] I need to be an expert at understanding the region before I professionally report on it for an Australian audience.”

“I haven’t forgotten about Australia… but this is a good step and I’ll become a reporter in Indonesia eventually.”

INTERVIEW//

12

TOM WADE

NOUGHTIE’S NOSTALGIA: YOU’VE BEEN WARNED

GET READY TO DRESS LIKE THIS IN FIVE YEARS

IMAGE: GUY SEBASTION JUST AS I AM ALBUM COVER, 2003

13 RABELAIS

You’ve probably seen a post on Facebook talking about how great Lizzie McGuire was. You’ve probably seen posts on Tumblr about Panic! At The Disco, each less ironic than the last. Ja Rule is touring Australia. Guy Sebastian performed at Eurovision.

These are just the first signs of a new impending phenomenon: Noughties nostalgia. In five short years, the world is going to be looking back on the decade that gave us Linkin Park, The Bush Administration, and 9/11.

This is a cyclical event. We can’t escape it.

NOSTALGIA IS A 20 YEAR CYCLE OF HINDSIGHT

Society seems to be deathly embarrassed by the previous decade and deeply enamoured with the one prior. Present day hipster culture is intertwined with 90s nostalgia. Everything is a throwback to that dreary, decade-long fashion faux-pas but with a modern twist. Ten years ago you couldn’t find anyone who gave a second thought to that cultural sink-hole. 20 years on and it was the best decade of our lives.

We’re going to look at hipsters with the same contempt as we look at emos. We’ll be embarrassed of our ugly shirts and half shaved heads for the next ten years. When 2030 comes around we’ll be reminiscing about our fixie riding glory days.

People who are 25 realise life wasn’t so bad when they were five. All they had to do was go to school, go home, watch TV and have all their meals made.

People who are 45 realise life was simpler when they were 25. They had low responsibility jobs, they only had to think about themselves and they had more free time.We’ll look back to those simpler times. We’ll remember how great the PlayStation 2 was. People will remember How I Met Your Mother. People will think Lost was actually a good TV show.

THE SHIFT FROM SUBTLY TO EXCESSNotice how everyone seems to be doing the same thing? Every café you go to is plain white with exposed brick. Every guy has a shaved head, save for a tuft on top. And every profile picture on every social network is in a circle.

People are going to get sick of this up-played subtlety. People are going to want colour in their lives. People

are going to want a different haircut, as long as it’s the same as everyone else’s haircut. People are going to get sick of the corners being cropped out every photo they take.

The world is going to get sick of the self-induced lack of colour, the op-shop fashion, the six-piece ukulele bands. When we’re finally done with the hipster, something worse will take its place.

THE RISE OF NEO-EMOISMWhat was big in the noughties? Emos. You wait until Linkin Park does a headline tour supported by Breaking Benjamin and 3 doors down, and My Chemical Romance do a reunion tour with Panic! At The Disco and AFI.

Emo itself won’t be back. This new trend will be a throwback to emo, with a modern twist. Bands inspired by the ones listed will get big. People will start to question life as we face problems such as population growth, terrorism, and rising house prices.

We’ll have a new wave of middle-class kids expressing their individualism through a trend. They’ll say they have a connection to the emo era because they we’re born then.

They’ll be new-wave emos. But with new bands, smartphones and Snapchat.

GET ON THIS EARLY, OR NOT AT ALLJump on Buzzfeed and you’ll see the signs of noughties nostalgia showing. We can control how far this goes, but some things will never change.

Dietary requirements will still grow more elaborate and unnecessary. People will still care for the environment in the most self-indulgent way possible. And people will still try to differentiate themselves by jumping on the same niche as everyone else.

We always look towards our best days. It’s up to you whether they’re coming or gone. To get caught up in your own reflection means your best days are behind you.

There’s something liberating in knowing your future is brighter than your past. Let your friends dabble in Lilo & Stitch references whilst you build a better tomorrow.

OPINION//

14

It’s hard to like Loretta Boskovic the protagonist/heroine of The Fine Colour of Rust. Whilst as the story unfolds Loretta may be revealed to have a heart of gold and a strong sense of injustice; as a single parent I winced at the opening portrayal of a woman who left sausages in the front seat of her beaten up old car on a hot Australian summer’s day and proclaimed inwardly that they would “cook up alright”. Here was my worst kind of nightmare: a woman who at first glance was every stereotypical aspect of the single mother. Daydreaming about fleeing a dismal reality. Nonchalant in her care of her children. Flying in the face of the actual real life story of the single mother. I know from personal experience, single mothers tend to work just as hard if not harder than partnered mothers. So to be met with Loretta in all her colours and questionable behaviours was slightly confronting. Yet, as the story wore on I found myself rooting for Loretta despite myself, turning the pages to see if the underdog and her loyal friends managed to do what it took to win.

It’s the haphazard moments between friends that spark an admiration for a woman I was determined to dislike. Confronted with the news of her friend’s cancer and his desire to not seek treatment and his hope her kids would not see him bald and thin from chemo, Loretta cries out “Stupid you mean? You want them to remember you as the stupid man who wouldn’t get treatment?” Loretta calls a spade a spade unforgivingly, sometimes the reader gains the impression there is little of the fighter left and then just as you think she is down for the count on the mat up she rises. The Fine Colour of Rust is well worth the read just for that one simple point. The single mother who won’t stay down and has too much pride to quit, makes it a refreshingly different novel that lingers long after it’s been read.

THE FINE COLOUR OF RUST CLAIRE KEARNS

HERE WAS MY WORST KIND OF NIGHTMARE: A WOMAN WHO AT FIRST GLANCE WAS EVERY STEREOTYPICAL ASPECT OF THE SINGLE MOTHER.

““

15 RABELAIS

In the last edition, the bearded bard, Tom Wade, extoled the virtues of accessorising ones beard with a good single malt whisky, but left us in the lurch by not shedding some light on what might constitute a great dram. I mean there I am in my smoking jacket, Fez in place and all I know is Red Label is to be avoided at all costs if one is to exude an aura of debonair composure and worldliness to ones latest squeeze. So here are some musings on seven of my favourite single malts from Scotland which I believe offer sensational taste, style and nose as well as great value for money.

Whisky – what are we looking for in a malt?To fully appreciate a whisky you need to really engage with each of your senses and break the dram down into understandable characteristics such as Nose: what is your initial sensation when you had a snifter? Does it present with dry alcoholic fumes or do you get a lusciousness hinting of Christmas cake, mandarins, or possibly a more delicate heather, vanilla and honey nose. Next we move to the Primary taste: is the dram sweet, sour, salty, or bitter and then deeper into the Mouth feel: What do you initially notice in the dram? Is it viscous, creamy and oily or does it present with a dry alcoholic astringency or is there a peppery or chilli aftertaste. So many flavours all packed into a dram – all waiting for you to discover.

Already I can sense your impatience, you want to get started on the tasting but not yet there is still a little more to brush up on before we pop our cork. When I first started to taste whisky, I read all these really great descriptions of various single malts “… luscious, oily, Christmas cake nose, lingering mandarins and oloroso sherry …” and thought that’s the one for me and I was off like a shot to start the journey. Sadly I often found myself with my glass in one hand and a whisky journal in the other thinking “… I’m not getting any of these tastes or flavours … what a load of bollocks”

So we need some structure and guidance to help us hone in on the characteristics we are seeking in our dram. The flavour map is great tool to get you focussed and help you decide on which direction to taste. It is divided into four quadrants with the top left being peaty and smoky in flavour with an almost medicinal astringency, the top right is more peaty and less smoky in flavour with a rich oily and sweeter mouthfeel, whilst the bottom right increases the deep rich viscous mouth with prominent Christmas cake and luscious fruits flavours such as oranges, plums, honey, vanilla and sherry tones. The final left bottom quadrant are very light and delicate with honey, heather and fruit tones and are often seen as an aperitif style of dram.

Once I found the flavour wheel, I plunged in and bought a bottle from the quadrant with the most appealing description, then gradually drank my way around the quadrant to home in on a preferred tipple. The good news is I haven’t found this yet, so further hard work is still required and it may take me years to complete.

Some old friendsSo what have I learnt over the years? Well I know that despite the hype, you do not need to mortgage your soul to get a great dram. I tend to break pricing up into three categories, under $100, over $100 and stratospheric. Back in 2010 a bottle of Dalmore Trinitas sold at auction for $250,000 and the guy that bought it opened it and drank it with friends – sadly my invitation was lost in the mail and I missed the dinner.

But back to reality. Below I have distilled some of my best loved and value for money drams into each of the four quadrants so that you have at least a couple of well-priced drams to start with. My usual price target is in the range of $50-$85 and each of the drams below fit this range. If you find something you like, the quadrant will help you find a few others in the immediate area to give you some momentum. So let’s meet some of my old friends.

ACCESSORIZING WITH SINGLE MALTS

SHANE RAVENHILL

REVIEW//

16

Smokey & Light: Islay MaltsLaphroaig 10yr ($69) 43% ABV.Deep golden colour, with a rich smoky flavour and a strong peaty intense phenolic and iodine nose. This dram has been likened to burning down a hospital from the 1960’s and then licking the floor due to the smoky medicinal flavour. Initially everybody warned me away from Laphroaig, (Laf-roag), but my very first taste was an epiphany of flavours – it was like standing in a really great delicatessen – I could smell smoked ham, cheeses and hospital corridors. Really brilliant and you owe it to yourself to step into history.

Talisker 10yr ($63) 40% ABV. This is a really bright amber gold in colour with a light smoky nose and medium viscosity in the mouth. Talisker’s fame derives from the rich oily after taste of chilli on the back palate. A great companion on a cold night or when trying to take the sting out of your neuroscience pharmacology lectures. Where the chilli flavour comes from is a mystery as there are no chilli based herbs or spices in the mash used. An iconic dram that screams to the great unwashed that you are a person of taste and discernment when it comes to selecting a dram.

Smokey & Rich: Islay MaltsLagavulin 16yr ($80) 43% ABV Another strong amber golden colour with a lower peaty nose which is complimented by a sense of ash, smoke and sea spray – it like smelling the lost embers of the night before in the fireplace the morning after. The finish is a little dry on the palate but the flavours all balance out. This is a premium whisky and commands a steep price, usually around $120, but if you are patient Dan Murphy’s often has a sale where you can pick up a bottle for around $80-$85, which is a significant saving. Surely a dram for those deeply philosophical

discussions late into the night with close friends around the hearth.

Rich & Viscous: Highland & SpeysideBalvenie Double Wood 12 yr ($85) 43% ABV. The double wood name means that the whisky is first matured in American Bourbon casks which add a nice vanilla characteristic to the whisky, then finished in sweet Spanish oloroso sherry casks to impart a sweet richness. The colour is a rich amber with huge viscous creamy and oily mouth feel. There is prominent honey, oranges, mandarin and Christmas cake flavours. The mandarin nose lingers long in the glass once the dram is finished, just drain your dram, wait a minute or so and smell the orchard. Balvenie is a class act; they grow their own barley, manually turn it and follow traditional methods dating back to 1892 and is one of the only distilleries to manage every process onsite for the manufacture of their whisky. A bottle of this on the shelf next to those dust lecture books is a discrete symbol of your worldly sophistication and good taste.

Aberlour Double Cask Wood 10yr ($65) 40% ABV. This is one of my favourite drams, with a rich creamy full mouth feel that is oily and luscious. At first pour, the nose is highly aromatic and reminiscent of after dinner orange-chocolate wedges. The initial taste has distinctive flavours of vanilla, honey and oranges with a slightly drying back palate. A definite after dinner dram when one need time to reflect on life.

17 RABELAIS

Light & Delicate: Highlands & LowlandsDalwhinnie 15yr ($77) 43% ABV. This is one of the highest distilleries in Scotland spending half of its life shrouded in snow. The dram is a bright mid amber colour with a slightly oily mouth fill with lovely field heather and honey finish. Another standard to have on the shelf to nonchalantly whip open when friend unexpectedly drop by. The overall balance is a real crowd pleaser.

Auchentoshan Double Wood 12 yr ($72) 40% ABV (Och-an-tosh-an) Many would claim that this is the best lowland distillery and is one of the only Whiskies that is triple distilled making the dram as smooth as a babies bum. The colour is a light or pale golden colour with a delicate floral and fruity nose befitting an aperitif style dram. The feel in the mouth is slightly oily but nowhere near the levels of the Balvenie and the Aberlour. A definite pre-dinner ice breaker that gently leads onto the more complex highland and Speyside after dinner malts for a reflective finish to the evening.

Straight up?So how should we drink these new found friends? I noticed that our bearded friend preferred his malts straight which is fine for those with an alcohol by volume (ABV) around 40% but recently I had the Aberlour A’bunadh which clocks in at 64% and would take the curl right out of his follicles and wrinkle his toes. So in this instance adding a dash of water is OK. Water has the advantage of releasing further esters to enhance the nose and make the dram more enjoyable.

What about ice I hear you ask – only a heathen and someone completely gauche would stoop so low. The Americans, bless their star spangled pyjamas, are so dominant in the

world whisky market and love ice in their dram but found that the ice chilled the free floating fatty molecules created in the age old distilling process causing a clouding which they didn’t like. So the industry responded by running their whisky through a chill filter process to remove these free molecules, which many traditionalists argue destroys the inherent natural flavour of the malt. As far as I am aware, all of the whiskies above are all free of chill filtering and so have the full and natural flavour of the original whisky make.

Further ReadingIf you are keen to learn more, here are a few books that I found worth having on the shelf. I bought mine from Amazon at a fraction of the cost compared to Dymocks or other local book shops, so shop around.

101 Whiskies to try before you die by Ian BuxtonWhiskypedia by Charles MacLeanThe complete guide to Single Malt Scotch by Michael JacksonThe Whisky Bible by Jim Murray

If this is your first step enjoy the trip, if you’re already on your way, I hope these favourite drams tweak your curiosity enough to try them out and explore further afield in the flavour map. Slainte!

PHOTO: RACHAEL ROBERTS

REVIEW//

18

A beard has a responsibility to be a purveyor of good taste. People naturally look towards beards for guidance and culture. It is the responsibility of the beard to be such a source of wisdom.

If the bristles on your face are starting to feel more like an albatross around your neck, here is your cheat sheet to all things musical:

CLUTCHOnly lead vocalist Neil Fallon has a beard, but he has enough beard for the rest of the band. Not because his beard is long or substantial, but because his beard knows what it is. This is a beard so sure of itself, you two feel confidence by osmosis.

Fallon’s vocal style is so distinctive you can feel the bristles of his beard tickle your ear as he sings. Again, his vocal style is unmistakably Fallon. Whether the band plays heavy metal, rock, or funk, Fallon’s beard soars over the top.

Should someone ask your beard for some life advice, tell them this: To know Clutch is to know thyself, let the will of Fallon’s beard be thy own.

MASTODONThese sludge metal titans from Atlanta are as shaggy as their namesake. Bassist Tory Sanders and guitarist Brent Hinds look an evolutionary phase behind the rest of us. Rhythm guitarist Bill Kelliher only came into his own when he donned the handlebars. Their drummer Brann is a cleanface, but wins points for liking cats and being a top bloke.

Mastodon’s music has evolved in a way the band members have not. Mastodon started as heavy-beyond-heavy sludge metal, only to turn into a melodic alternative rock act. Each album defines an era in the band’s life, creating songs for all occasions.

Mastodon is your beard’s method of expression. When your vocabulary fails you, when your emotional palate feels as diverse as MS Paint, turn to Mastodon. You will find the inexpressible within the lines of a song, between the beats of a rhythm.

ZZ TOPA classic bearded act. Two men with beards and one cleanface with the last name Beard. ZZ Top are for those who like their music bluesy, old school, and with some keyboards in the 80s. ZZ Top are one of the most enduring musical acts of modern times, having held the same line-up across their 40 year career.

In fact, all the bands on this list have had consistent line-ups. It must be their dedication to persistence and growth.

ZZ Top has written classic tracks that have inspired all the other bands on this list. Otherwise they inspired bands that inspired the bands on this list. Think of ZZ Top as the grandfathers of bearded rock.

Cite ZZ Top, should your beard be pried on commitment and dedication. ZZ Top is your poster band for all things personal growth and perseverance. Failing that, there’s a nice place outside of town called La Grange.

THE BEARDSYes, what would this list be without Australia’s home grown talent? Groomed on Australia’s local music scene, and sculpted on a love of all things facial hair, the Beards are a folk rock force to be reckoned with.

The Beards aren’t afraid to tell you some home truths about facial hair (‘if your dad doesn’t have a beard’ comes to mind). The Beards’ music is as hilarious as it is touching. Never one to shy away from controversial subject matter, their film clip for ‘you should consider having sex with a bearded man’ is as confronting as it is thought-provoking.

The Beards are a go-to source of wisdom. All their songs are about beards, what more could you ask?

Should your beard ever be caught out with lack of insight, just say ‘listen to the Beards’ and everything will be alright.

TOM WADE

BANDS FOR BEARDS TO LISTEN TO

In fact, all the bands on this list have had consistent line-ups. It must be their dedication to persistence and growth.“

“

SOHAM ADWANI

STOP USING THE PTV APP

Please stop using the shitty PTV app. Let’s be honest for a second, Melbourne’s public transport is pretty terrible. That may seem harsh coming from someone like me, who grew up in a country where we didn’t even have public transport until a few years ago, but it’s true. For all the downfalls of Victoria’s public transport system, the worst part is being able to navigate through its maze.

If you’re only using the trams, tramtracker is fine. It looks like it was designed for the first ever iPhone back in 2007 and does this weird thing where it updates independently from the Google Play Store, and it could be better functionality wise, but it works. The issue arises when you need to plan out a journey that involves switching from buses to trams and trains.

Nokia’s HERE maps does a decent job of telling you what to do across the trams and Metro, but doesn’t have bus routes. There’s an app called Offi that does all three but its layout is confusing for first timers and the app leaves a lot to be desired. Plus, when you download the app it splits itself into three different apps, which, to those who care for pristine organisation, is more than just a bother.

So where does that leave you? So far you’ve heard me rant about how basically everything is garbage. But just as I was about to give up hope, an app showed up in the “New and Updated” section of the Play Store, it was my knight in binary armour. The app, dubbed Moovit is a transportation app that supports many cities, thankfully Melbourne included. It works pretty well at determining the best route for you, across all three modes of public transport, and it even works well at giving you walking directions to the right stop. Most of all, it has all the bus timetables and schedules, and updates pretty frequently. In the five months I’ve been using it, it only failed to update me on tram route changes twice, which for the added functionality and better aesthetic, I’m willing to deal with.

This doesn’t fix the gaping problems in Melbourne’s public transport system, but it sure makes it a whole lot more tolerable.

“

20

JASMINE INGRAM - PRESIDENT

OFFICE BEARER REPORTS

Hi Everyone!I hope the semester break has given you all the rest and relaxation needed to get you excited for the start of semester two.

Last semester the student union was busy making improvements for students on campus, we have finalised the refurbishment of the Mature Age Student Organisation (MASO) Lounge, which also includes lockers and space for clubs, a new survival room space and the new home for the LTSU Queer Lounge.

Look out for the launch that will be coming in the first couple of weeks of semester!

We’ve also secured funding and locked in works for the refurbishment of the International Student Association (ISA) Lounge happening in semester two.

This means more student friendly spaces on campus, taking the strain off the library and giving you somewhere warm to hang out during those cold day on campus.

This year we have also been involved in more serious matters

involving standing up for students when they are being hard done by.

Nursing students came to us highlighting the issues they were having regarding their timetabling, placements and other concerns. We asked you to tell us what was happening and took that to the university, currently provisions are being put in place to ensure that these issues don’t happen again in semester two. We have also held multiple forums for students living on college and raised their concerns with the university. As university residential accommodation is not covered under the residential tenancies act the student union has been ensuring there is a standard of quality and care up held for students who live on campus.

There are so many other great initiates coming from our other departments that I’ll leave for them to explain what their plans are.

At the La Trobe Student Union we’ve been getting a huge semester planned for you all, I hope you enjoy it as much as we have while we’ve been organising it all!

We are exited to announce that we will soon have a Financial Aid Advocate that will be able to assist students struggling with their finances, more information will be available soon.

To keep updated about what’s happening in your student union make sure you like the Facebook page www.facebook.com/LaTrobeStudentUnion and check out the website www.latrobesu.org.au

BETTY BELAY - EDUCATION-VICE PRESIDENT

Hello and welcome back to semester two! For those of you starting this semester, welcome to La Trobe!

It’s been pretty busy over here in the Education Office.

The NUS Quality Survey is officially over! Thank you for all of your responses. La Trobe University had the highest amount of respondents in the country! The data collected from the survey will go into a national report that will be produced by the National Union of Students about the overall quality of learning, teaching and the student experience across Australia Universities. The data collected from La Trobe will also help the LTSU present the university with data around student satisfaction rates.

In other news, the university’s been going over and reviewing many of its policies in preparation for its TEQSA (Tertiary Education Quality Standards Agency) review next year. Policies that have gone under extensive review recently are the Academic Integrity Policy Suite and the University’s Complaints policies and procedures. If you are experiencing and difficulty regarding your academic work or with another member of the university community, please contact: LTSU_Advocacy@latrobe.edu.au for advice.

Finally, the National Union of Students has called a National Day of Action (NDA) for the 19th of August. La Trobe Student Union is joining NUS and students from all around Australia to protest against

the Government’s proposal of fee deregulation! We are asking for: - no fee deregulation - no funding cuts - no wait on newstart La Trobe students will be having a speak out from 12:30pm in the Agora and then catch a FREE bus into the city to join hundreds of other likeminded students from all across Melbourne. It’s vital that students come out and join us so that we can defeat deregulation once and for all!

Well done for passing the six month mark of the year! What a journey it’s been at the LTSU so far! We’ve been super busy getting lots of great services ready for you for semester two and boy are you going to love them!

First up are our NEW, cheap short courses!

We’ve been working hard in conjunction with the Training and Development Institute of Australia to bring students short courses that can cost just $25 for eligible students. This is huge!!! There are two courses on offer; one is a Cert IV in Training and Assessment. The course is a great opportunity for students who are a bit strapped for cash to get an extra qualification so that when you leave uni, you’ve got something under your sleeve to impress employers. This one’s particularly good for PostGrad and Education students!

The second course on offer is a Cert III in Hospitality! This one is also $25 for eligible students and gives you OHS, RSA, RSG, Food Safety and Handling, CPR and First Aid certificates and training in espresso coffee making, bar, wine, cocktails and waiter operations. Get in quick with this one! Spaces are filling up fast!

Secondly, but just as cool we have just finished renovations for the

Mature Age Student Lounge and the new Queer Lounge. Both are located underneath Union Hall, just next to Ping’s Café. Both are fantastic new spaces and I hope students can enjoy them for many years to come!

Lastly but not least, in conjunction with the International Students Association and La Trobe International, in semester two we will be bringing you a multicultural week! Showcasing one continent a day, it’s sure to be a great trip around the world experiencing and celebrating all cultures and ethnicities. This will be a huge week for student union cultural clubs, so if you’re not already involved, email me at ltsu_gensec@latrobesu.org.au or Ada, our Clubs Officer on clubsofficer@latrobe.edu.au

There’s lots more to come in the following months, so please keep in touch, you can sign up to our LTSU newsletter on our website www.latrobesu.org.au and like us on Facebook, and keep reading Rabelais!

23 RABELAIS

JENNY STRAMILOS - GENERAL SECRETARY

OB REPORTS//

24

STEFAN TEGELJ AND GEORGE MUNRO - QUEER OFFICERS KASSANDRA TILLEY AND EMMAH RICHARDS WELFARE OFFICERS

The Queer Department had a really successful first semester. We held Three Queer Beers, one movie night, had Pride Week, celebrated IDAHOBIT, and designed a trans and gender diverse experience survey which is going to be rolled out across the state. Semester two is looking like it is shaping up to be another brilliant semester. First off the Queer Department now has a brand spanking new queer lounge. Directions to find the new space will be made available on the department Facebook, union web page and collective web page. Projects are underway to make this space even more amazing than the last. If you want to get involved with helping create the new space please email me at ltsu_queer@latrobe.edu.au. Second big thing that is happening is the Deakin Pride Society are holding their 4th annual Pride Prom. This is going to be a fantastic night filled with glitter, sparkles and some fun dance times. Tickets are $40 for non Deakin students but if you have joined the queer department Facebook page or union page you can get them for $30 (because Deakin love their LTSU siblings).

The department will be holding more fun events throughout the semester. To stay tuned join the Queer Collective page on the union website or the Facebook page.

http://latrobesu.org.au/Clubs/Club.aspx?CID=3158https://www.facebook.com/groups/latrobe.qc/

Hey all,

We had a great end to the semester here in the welfare department with our campaign ‘Wellness Week’: that week at the end of each semester when you can rely on there being a super cute petting zoo on Simpson Lawn, free yoga, and exam help workshops. We hope you all had a great time meeting us in the agora over the semester, and we hope you all had a bit of rest and relaxation over the break! The food bank has been restocked over the break, and our weekly services will start up again with semester two. Until then, we’re always contactable at ltsu_welfare@latrobe.edu.au

25 RABELAIS

JESSICA ROSE DENSHAM - WOMEN’S OFFICER

The Women’s Department hosted a Women’s Movie Night on May 15th and a Women’s Crafternoon on June 17th in the Women’s Lounge! Both events went wonderfully and it was great to see such enthusiastic participation!

The Network of Women Students Australia (NOWSA) Conference was held at the University of Tasmania between the 29th of June and 4th of July. Students attending NOWSA got to run their own workshops as well as attend different workshops that focus on issues concerning women and speeches from high profile Tasmanian women. It was a great opportunity not only for education but also for women students from all around Australia to get together and unite.

Upcoming for the Women’s Department is the planning and publishing of our very own Women’s Edition of Rabelais – Rebellious!

This will be planned during the month of July and published in Semester Two. If you identify as a woman and would like to make a submission, if you would like to write a submission on a women’s issue or if you would like to submit art/photography or poetry feel

free to send all submissions to ltsu_rabelais@latrobe.edu.au and earmark them for the women’s edition!

Jump on our Facebook page if you have any questions about these events or just to keep up to date with the Women’s Department!

TESSA ZIRNSAKDISABILITY OFFICER

It’s conference season! This month I attended two conferences, Nowsa and EdCon. For both of these, I ran workshops aimed at educating allies on including people with disabilities in everyday life and in the education campaign. Students with disabilities will be disproportionately affected by fee deregulation so it was an incredible privilege to educate allies on how they can include students with disabilities on getting active in a variety of different ways. I also had an informative time learning from other students with disabilities from across the country and gaining new ideas and perspectives that I can bring back to the office and use to enlighten my campaigns and everyday work.

We’re also starting to gear up for our campaigns for semester two, which I’m going to leave a surprise for students on campus, but it may or may not involve stickers—and who doesn’t love stickers?

All and all it’s been a hectic but great month of educating allies and getting educated by other students from across the country. I’ve gained so many great skills to bring back to La Trobe and the disability collective.

OB REPORTS//

26

THE CONTEXT

The Federal Government is hell bent on deregulating university fees, but what does this mean? Why is this a problem?

Deregulating student fees means allowing universities to set the cost of education.

This is a problem because we know universities are always eager for more money, not less, so there is no doubt that the cost of your university education will soar.

If you’re a current undergraduate student this means your university could change the cost of your degree while you are already studying…And if you’re a future university student it means you won’t know how much your degree will cost when you accept your offer.

As well as the changing cost of education, deregulation will prevent access to higher education for generations of Australians that will be unable to afford the excessive prices.

And then there’s the 20% cut to university funding. This compounds the problem of deregulating university fees. The government has proposed $3 billion of funding cuts for the higher education sector. In an already critically underfunded sector, these cuts will mean even less time with our lecturers and tutors, fewer equity programmes and will decrease the quality of campus facilities and services.

Cuts to funding will see university vice-chancellors look to student pockets to make up the funding gap.Relying on the “market”/vice chancellors to set fees will see Australia fall into an Americanised, two-tiered system where only students who can afford to pay exorbitant fees at elite universities will benefit, while the rest of Australia will be robbed of opportunity.

Smaller universities and universities outside of the Group of Eight, (like La Trobe University) many of which provide programs in regional and rural communities, may experience a fall in enrolments and therefore a loss of funding. Quality may suffer, further hindering already disadvantaged regional students who will miss out or have to relocate.

There are just too many risks to Australia’s future.We need your help to put an end to the federal government’s disastrous higher education agenda.

WHAT’S THE SOLUTION?

Chris Pyne and Tony Abbott are introducing deregulation of university fees for a third time. Students have defeated this legislation twice already, but the government hasn’t got the message. Polling has consistently shown that at least 80% of Australians are against deregulated fees. Deregulation will lead to higher universities fees, and no certainty or ceiling to the cost of your degree. We’ve reached a critical juncture in higher education in Australia. The federal Liberal government’s proposed plans to deregulate funding is just one challenge facing students in the immediate future. Uncertainty around funding, fees, and student income support mean an Americanisation of our education system and a generation of young people ruling out tertiary education.

Student unions, university staff, academics and high schoolers are pushing back hard against this disastrous policy. This reform is too important to ignore, and we want to know that we did our bit to keep higher education fair in Australia.

We want every Australian to have a bright future – whether they can afford to pay over $100,000 or not.

2015 is a critical year for students to come together and put an end to the Liberal Party’s agenda and to take fee deregulation off the table for good. Students need to come together to Demand A Better Future - to articulate to the community and the government why a fair and funded higher education higher education sector is important to Australia’s future. We are Demanding A Better Future and we want you to join us!The peak representative body of all university students in Australia, the National Union of Students (NUS), have called a National Day of Action for August 19!

Join students across the country in protest against the government’s proposed fee deregulation! Follow this link to click attending https://www.facebook.com/events/1011397598893352/

HIGHER EDUCATION IN 2015BETTY BELAY

27 RABELAIS

CO

NTR

APT

ION

//

PH

OTO

: RA

CH

AEL

RO

BER

TS

PHOTOGRAPHY//

28

GEORGE PAPANDREOU

IN MEMORIAM

Another day, another funeral.

The magnificent church stood between a heavily graffitied alleyway, and its overfilled car park. Its spires pierced the sky, like a monument bringing together heaven and earth. A twin headed eagle guarded the large doors protecting those that mourned within from the frigid downpour outside. There were many in the church today. The vaulted ceiling echoed with harmonic chants, broken by the occasional cough and creak. I had placed myself at the back of the church. My dour dress and tightly braided hair were recent additions to my ensemble. They all saw a young woman, plain, with grey eyes. Nobody special. The Saints upon the walls looked upon the multitude with salvation and hope in their eyes. They were like me. Dead. The only difference was that I was still breathing.

I felt the skin of a body that was not my own prickle against the cold painted wall. I shifted my weight, trying to restart this aching body. I was here for a reason.

To eat.

I looked to the living around me. Hundreds of souls glittered like a sea of fireflies. Each had its colour and shape, twisting, morphing, dancing to the beat of the heart that sustained it.

But some had faded. Dark shadows and cracks turned their elegant dances into tortured spasms. These were what dead men left behind. When a person feels grief, they lose a part of their soul to darkness. Darkness is my meal. I consume the grief, sadness and guilt. I leave behind hope. Many times I look into mirrors wondering why I have no soul. I guess I must be hopeless.

The deceased at the forefront of the church was surrounded by the only kinds of souls I was interested in. The spouse’s soul was fading, becoming increasingly more immobile and duller by the second. The congregation shuffled single file, snaking around the

pews as they waited their turn to pay their respects. I blended into the crowd. Each time my skin brushed against another’s, their soul surged brighter, becoming healthier, and even more mercurial.

Finally I shuffled my way in front of her; bloodshot eyes stared at me with an empty and hollow gaze. She knew she could not make it alone. It had been years since she could stand without help, how could she do it now? Self-doubt smattered with grief oozed around her soul, the sludge and chains drowning it with great enthusiasm. I could see it all. My hands searched for hers and held tightly.

“My condolences.” The chains of shadow around her soul shattered. The mire, hissing and spitting like cooling lava, evaporated. The pain had been transformed into hope-tinged melancholia. She could stand on her own. She had to. Not just for her, but for her daughter. I was relieved as sludgy grief rolled over my tongue, viscous and satisfying.

“Thank you.” A genuine smile formed on her face as a small seed of confidence began to grow inside her. “You must be from Dean’s work. Please feel free to stay for the wake.”

“Thank you kindly, but I had better go.”

I continued down the line, stopping in front of the daughter. The scratched locket on her neck sat against her protruding collarbones. I examined souls every day of my life, but this kind of soul would always the most excruciating phenomenon of all. There was no grief in this girl, but her soul had been tortured. Relief and guilt stalked each other mercilessly in the depths of her dark green eyes. She had spent too many nights hiding from an evil that could always find its way into her bed.I grabbed her; the guilt shrieked and squirmed. It fought a battle it could never win. Confusion clouded her pale face, as she looked down at the hand that had locked onto her arm. The guilt screamed, shrivelling and shrinking, sinking down my gullet crispy and cool.

29 RABELAIS

She was free.

“My apologies.” I smiled awkwardly, leaving the bewildered girl to her new fate.

I glanced at faces as I left, seizing up where I might get my next meal. Young faces, old faces, but no one close to death. Only later did I recall two large blue eyes peeking at me through tresses of dark hair, watching me. Following me.

Outside the church, I felt someone grab the hem of my dress. I turned toward my miniature assailant.

“Hey lady,” he said, the rain soaking us both to the skin.

“Good day.”

“What did you do to Emily? She’s gone all funny.”

“Magic.” I turned away and continued down the street, leaving the confused child behind me alone in the rain.Another day, another funeral. Another chance at hope.

***

Today was warm. Sunlight streamed through the stained glass church windows, illuminating the dust flecks that whirled through the air. The casket was closed. A smiling photograph of the woman contained beneath it reminded all present of the happier times they had spent by her side.

A young woman toyed with the flowers surrounding the photograph. Her emerald eyes shone with sadness and pride. The pendant on her neck was dented and scratched, but the inscription had lasted all the same.

Emily, stay strong, be proud, you can fly. -Love Mum.

There was no food here, but the lack of it was all the more satisfying. I needed to keep moving. My talents would be required elsewhere.

The hairs on the back of my neck bristled violently. Somebody was watching me. Who? I stopped looking for souls. And started looking for eyes. I could not determine who was staring at me through the mess of over styled hair, balding crowns, and hundreds of shades of black.

There! I stared back; my grey eyes connecting with another pair coloured a brilliant blue. The young man

glared at me through the tousled black hair that hung limply from his head. His soul snapped at me across the room. What had I done? It took me a moment but I finally realised.

“My face...” I had not changed my face!

He took a step. I ran. Weaving through the crowd, I slid through the church doors and out into the road. The balls of my feet pounded against the cracked concrete as I sprinted away. Fleeing from the main road, I continued into a sun-drenched street lined with suburban homes. My feet were starting to feel the strain of the black heels, protesting against the sudden marathon. I decided the pain was the least of my problems. Hunger and weariness were insignificant to being caught.

My imagination exploded; Scientists ripped me open as I screamed on the cold metal slab. Hordes of religious zealots screaming for my skull. My face plastered all over the news as a freak of nature. ENOUGH! I forced my thoughts into submission. The stakes were high and I couldn’t afford to get hysterical.

I hesitated in front of an orange painted house. I could smell it. Grief. And I was starving. I glanced behind me down the street. There were no people, let alone the brooding, blue eyed man.

I reached down inside of me; sifting through the many masks I had worn throughout the years. I chose one. The skin I wore bathed itself in deep coppery brown, drawing up the colour like a desert flower after a quenching rain. The body shifted, thinning and elongating into that of a young Indian woman. My garb morphed from the traditional black dress, to that of a plain sari. Grey eyes peered from beneath thick dark waves of hair. I was safe.

The door to the orange house was set wide open, letting the grief, and wailing pour out into the ether. I disliked intruding into people’s homes, but exceptions must be made. C’est la vie.

Inside, dark skin women chattered in groups, sharing stories of the woman in the next room, who had taken her last breath just minutes ago. The men wandered in their own isolated worlds, grunting in Hindi at their wives and nodding to the sombre man in the corner. His light was flickering, the frail flame all but snuffed out.These were the painful to see; a kind husband grieving for the loss of a great and vibrant love that had seen decades of passion and warmth. He tried to make it back into the bedroom, to see his wife again, but he

SHORT STORY//

stopped. He clung to the doorway, desperate not to let his legs fold under him.

I touched him on the arm.

“Uncle-ji?” The grief stopped swallowing its newfound meal, decided that enough was enough, and quietly slithered from him. The flavour danced on my tongue, like a childhood treat, sickly and satisfying to my long empty belly.

He looked up to my face, and ceased to fight his emotions. His tears soaked my sari as I pulled him in for a hug. No matter what I could do, no matter how useful my gift, sometimes human contact is all anyone needs. Hugs have great power too.

I was so happy as I left the house. There was one more bereaved person who would not spend the rest of their life slowly rotting from the inside out.

The sunlight had dimmed as I made my way back toward the church, the sky blazing red as the sun slowly sank below the horizon. There he was, standing there on the steps, his back against the locked hardwood door. He did not even bother looking in my direction. My new skin was a complete contradiction to what he was looking for. What a shame.

I smiled at him. That was when it all went wrong. His soul flashed grey; it was like looking into my own reflection. My past reflection. My eyes, the only part of me that journeyed with me throughout this afterlife, had finally led to my downfall.

“Hey you! Who are you?” Each step rang in my ears as the distance between us grew smaller, and smaller. “What did you do to Emily? After that day she became a different person! She became outgoing and proud and scary! What did you do?”

“I did not do-”

“Liar!” I continued to back away. His rage hurtled through the gap between us, tearing at my confidence and calm. It had been a long time since I felt fear.I heard a click. The gun was perched at the end of the man’s arm. His fingers ready to pull.

“You killed Auntie Sarah!”

“No I-”

“You changed Emily!”

“I helped her.” He hesitated. His voice was hoarse from screaming. He looked me dead in the eyes, and raised the gun.

“You monster!”

BANG.

***

You can not kill that which is already dead.I sat powerless on that rooftop. I heard screams for retribution from torn vocal chords. I smelt blood seeping from open wounds. I tasted the clear air tainted with bile.I touched the blue eyed man. But I could not heal that which was already dead.I saw him jump.“You can fly,” I said, but there was no one left to hear.

STRANGELY SPECIFIC HOROSCOPESTHESE HOROSCOPES PROBABLY WON’T RELATE TO YOU AND WE’RE SORRY. WE

ARE NEW TO THIS FUTURE PREDICTION THING AND ARE STILL LEARNING.

Aquarius: Jan 10 – Feb 18 - air This month, the moon will rotate the earth and the earth will rotate the sun. This is a bad sign, a bad bad sign. Best be on your guard.

Pisces: Feb 19 – March 20 - waterYour Zodiac sign is two fish 69ing and that’s really all you’ve got going for you. How does that make you feel? I don’t think fish can really 69.

Aries: March 21 – April 19 - fireDuring this next moon cycle you will be weirdly attracted to pie. Maybe it is time to re-explore what happened last summer at band camp.

Taurus: April 20 – May 20 - earth The new semester is upon you. As the stars and moons aligned you will find your ability to procrastinate is enhanced. Your house will be immaculate and filled with baked goods. Stay away from root vegetables. Gemini: May 21 – June 20 - air There are too many trains of thoughts trying to make it through your chu-chu mouth tunnel

Cancer: June 21 – July 33 - water You’re probably pretty perfect already but if you were looking to better yourself this month consider drinking more coffee and sleeping less and having so much more time to do things other than your responsibilities.

Leo: July 23-August 22 - fire As you download your new subject reader (or new tv series you are about to binge watch), someone somewhere will be thinking about how great you would look in leopard print onesie.

Virgo: August 23-Sept 22 - earthYou’re feeling quite good about this month and surprisingly optimistic, this should have been the first warning sign that something terrible is going to happen. Buy a sage smudge stick and clear your house of bad energy.

Libra: Sept 23-Oct 22 - airYour hair. The ends are really filthy. The ends break off and cry every morning. You should get it cut and with your new hairstyle have the confidence to do that whipping your hair back and forth dance move.

Scorpio: October 23 – Nov 21 - waterYou share a star sign with Tony Abbott. Nothing good will happen to you or the country this next moon cycle. #dontblamemeivotedforkodos

Sagittarius: Nov 22 – Dec 21- fireYou see someone in the Agora that you have history with. History is good. History is always exciting; you are a history major.

Capricorn: Dec 22- Jan 19 - earth New semester, new lease on life. However this semester you’ll befriend a kid who turns out to be a serial killer who can read your mind. Think carefully, think quietly.

ARTWORK: LINDA MARIKARPOPE GUILTY

FACEBOOK.COM/JMACLTU

COME JOIN THE JMAC SOCIETYThe JMAC Society is a La Trobe Student Union initiative which exists to provide support and networking opportunities to La Trobe University journalism, media, arts and communications students. If you’re interested in media, communications or journalism and want to meet like-minded students, JMAC is the society for you. You don’t have to be enrolled in a media or journalism degree, all La Trobe students are welcome; we have members from a variety of disciplines, including arts, international relations, economics and law. Membership is free to all La Trobe students. The best way to get involved is to attend meetings. Visit jmacltu.wordpress.com for more information or to contact us!

FACEBOOK.COM/RABELAISSTUDENTMEDIALTSU_RABELAIS@LATROBE.EDU.AU