Psychology 137C: Psychology 137C: Intimate RelationshipsIntimate Relationships Week 7, Lecture 2: Week 7, Lecture 2:

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REMINDERS:REMINDERS:

The papers are due next Wednesday.The papers are due next Wednesday.

They must be turned in as a printed out They must be turned in as a printed out paper and presented here in class – no paper and presented here in class – no attachments or drop-offs to mailboxes will attachments or drop-offs to mailboxes will be accepted.be accepted.

The Importance of The Importance of Making MeaningMaking Meaning

If behaviors are ambiguous, then we are If behaviors are ambiguous, then we are always making meaning, all of the time.always making meaning, all of the time.

Global vs. specificGlobal vs. specific

Interpreting means linking a specific Interpreting means linking a specific experience to a particular global experience to a particular global meaning.meaning.

We often have some choice in how we do We often have some choice in how we do this.this.

ExampleExample

Another ExampleAnother Example

Implications for Us?Implications for Us? Any given experience could take on Any given experience could take on

varyingvarying meanings. meanings.

These meanings matter, because our These meanings matter, because our emotions and actions are often emotions and actions are often guided by the meanings we infer.guided by the meanings we infer.

The specific meaning we impose may The specific meaning we impose may depend on our motives in the depend on our motives in the moment.moment.

The Motive to Believe The Motive to Believe the Bestthe Best

We want to be confident in our relationships and We want to be confident in our relationships and not harbor doubts about them. not harbor doubts about them. The enhancement bias serves this function.The enhancement bias serves this function.

We prefer information that supports and We prefer information that supports and strengthens positive beliefs about a partner and strengthens positive beliefs about a partner and a relationship. a relationship.

In fact, happy partners view …In fact, happy partners view … Their partners more favorably than they doTheir partners more favorably than they do Their partners more favorably than their Their partners more favorably than their

friends dofriends do Their relationships more favorably than others’ Their relationships more favorably than others’

relationshipsrelationships

The Motive to Be KnownThe Motive to Be Known We do not want to be surprised, and we do We do not want to be surprised, and we do

not want to disappoint.not want to disappoint.

The verification bias.The verification bias.

There are times when accurate There are times when accurate information about the partner is highly information about the partner is highly desirable. desirable. Transition pointsTransition points in in relationships prompt searches for such relationships prompt searches for such information.information.

The diagnosticity biasThe diagnosticity bias

More problems for depressed people.More problems for depressed people.

The Motive to Be RightThe Motive to Be Right We look out for ourselves in relationships, and We look out for ourselves in relationships, and

we are motivated to protect our interests. we are motivated to protect our interests. The self-serving bias.The self-serving bias.

This is especially true when the relationship is This is especially true when the relationship is not going well. not going well. If there is conflict you cannot ignore, whose fault is If there is conflict you cannot ignore, whose fault is

it?it?

The role of differing perspectivesThe role of differing perspectives

The need to be right favors the self over the The need to be right favors the self over the relationship.relationship.

Mechanisms of Mechanisms of Motivated ReasoningMotivated Reasoning

Plan APlan A: :

Keep negative information out of Keep negative information out of awareness.awareness.

Selective AttentionSelective Attention

Empathic AccuracyEmpathic Accuracy

Memory BiasMemory Bias

Memory Bias. Karney & Frye, 2002.

Mechanisms of Mechanisms of Motivated ReasoningMotivated Reasoning

Plan BPlan B: :

Minimize negative information.Minimize negative information.

Flexible standardsFlexible standards

Derogating alternatives Derogating alternatives

Adaptive attributionsAdaptive attributions

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““Everyone has dysfunction Everyone has dysfunction in their families. You don’t in their families. You don’t walk away if you love walk away if you love someone. You help the someone. You help the person.” person.”

He is “a very, very good He is “a very, very good man.”man.”

““We did have a very good We did have a very good stretch, years and years of stretch, years and years of nothing” following G. nothing” following G. Flowers.Flowers.

““In Christian theology there In Christian theology there are sins of weakness and are sins of weakness and sins of malice, and this was sins of malice, and this was a sin of weakness.”a sin of weakness.”

So How do Relationships So How do Relationships Ever Change?Ever Change?

The limits of abilityThe limits of ability The negative experiences do not disappearThe negative experiences do not disappear Some things cannot or should not be explained Some things cannot or should not be explained

awayaway You cannot just think yourself a good You cannot just think yourself a good

relationshiprelationship

The limits of motivationThe limits of motivation Some people need to do this more than othersSome people need to do this more than others The role of dependenceThe role of dependence Commitment calibrationCommitment calibration

In unhappy relationships, In unhappy relationships, what once helped now hurtswhat once helped now hurts Negative perceptions dominateNegative perceptions dominate……

We attend more to the partner’s negative We attend more to the partner’s negative actions.actions.

We recall more negative experiences.We recall more negative experiences.

… … and we process them in less adaptive waysand we process them in less adaptive ways:: Our perceptions become rigid.Our perceptions become rigid. Other relationships look better than ours.Other relationships look better than ours. Our alternatives look better.Our alternatives look better. Our attributions flip.Our attributions flip.