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Psychological games as

dysfunctional relationship patterns

Psych. Dr. Ioana DUMA

1. Defining the concept of ”psychological game” within the meaning of

Transactional Analysis; games characteristics

The psychological game is a pattern of interaction between two or more persons, at

the end of which the interlocutors feel uncomfortable and they feel that they repeated this

pattern of interaction in the past. Often, participants in a psychological game will say: ”Why

is all this happening to me?” ”Why does it happen to me again?”, ”I thought he (or she) is

different”, etc.

Game features:

- Games are repetitive – each person plays his favourite games over time, always. The

other players and the social circumstances may change, but the game’s pattern remains

the same;

- Games are played without people being aware. In spite of the fact that people repeat

the games again and again, each time they go through the game without being aware

that they are doing this. By the end of the game person can ask, ”Why does it happen to

me again?”. Even now people usually do not realize that they have helped to the

making of this game.

- The games are always completed with the feeling of a inauthentic experience (often

discomfort);

- In the game there are always two levels of communication: the social level and the

psychological level. The two messages are incongruous – they are different; the listener

feels, intuits, charges in a certain way the fact that there are two different messages and

this increases the confusion of the ”player”. The social message is the message

transmitted in words and the psychological message - the hidden message - is sent non-

verbal or preverbal and it is the one that gives course to the future action of the two

parties.

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- Games always include a moment of surprise or confusion - this time the player has the

impression that something unexpected happens. Somehow people have changed roles.

2. Presenting the methods of analysis of the psychological games

Drama triangle (Karpman, 1986)

The concept of ”Drama Triangle” is introduced in the AT literature by Karpman

(1968), as a way of analyzing the story scenarios. He believes that only three roles are

necessary to describe the emotional turn over in the drama scenario and he uses the three

roles that Berne talked about in his book ”Games People Play” (1966), namely: Victim,

Savior and Persecutor.

Karpman (1968) describes the dynamics of these roles by showing that there is no

story (drama) without changes in roles (moves to different positions in the triangle). For

example, the analysis of Little Red Riding Hood story – at the beginning she is the saviour of

her grandmother and mother, then she is the victim of the wolf-persecutor. The wolg

becomes then the victim of the forester. The forester is in the same time the persecutor of the

wolf and the saviour of the grandmother and of Red Riding Hood. And so on ...

Karpman compares scenario drama to games, stressing that the drama has a larger

number of events, of changes in roles and the same person often plays several roles

simultaneously. The games are simpler and there is only one major move (switch).

Drama Triangle becomes a tool (a pattern) for the analysis of games and it is best

known in the AT literature. When playing games, the person starts at a position (opens the

game - a transactional stimulus), then the game evolves so that the person moves to another

position. This change of the role in the Drama Triangle coincides to the switching moment in

the game formula.

Description of the three roles

THE ROLE OF PERSECUTOR

- Fact: the pursuit to satisfy their own needs, to act for themselves (Choy, 1990)

- Disregard emotions, value, dignity, importance, and sometimes even the right to life

and health of people who are affected by their actions, therefore, they behave like

others should suffer or be uncomfortable.

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- Position of life: I + U; social transaction ”Get rid of ...” (Ernst, apud. Joines, 1987)

- Behavioural characteristics: critical, accusing, punishing, using his/her power in a

destructive manner

THE ROLE OF SAVIOUR

- Fact: concern for the plight of the victim (Choy, 1990);

- Faith: ”We have to help others because they are not good enough to help themselves”

(Stewart & Joines, 1987)

- Disregard:

o the ability of the other (the victim) to assess the situation, to act appropriately and

to seek help if needed; disdains the ability of the others to think for themselves

and act according to their own initiatives, therefore, he starts thinking and solving

the problems for others;

o the self awareness about what he wants to do and about the part he owns in an

”equitable distribution of burdens in the relationship” (Steiner, 1984, p. 172 apud.

Choy, 1990)

- Life Position: UI-, social Operation ”Get nowhere with...” (Ernst, apud. Joines, 1987)

because, in relation to a victim, neither of the parts fulfills his needs;

- Behavioural characteristics: provide support from a position of superiority, a person

they consider vulnerable, without checking if the person wants help.

THE ROLE OF VICTIM

- Fact: Suffering: those who start the game from this position are suffering (Choy, ...)

- Faith: ”I can not do it on my own” (Stewart & Joines, 1987)

- Disregard:

o The victim seeking for a saviour disregards his/her own resources to solve the

problem. He/she acts like not having resources to solve the problem, like the

resources should come from outside, like he/she should feel OK if someone does

something or changes something (Choy, 1990)

o The victim who seeks a persecutor disregards his/her human value and right to

dignity and respect, sees himself/herself as someone who deserves to be rejected,

impaired (Stewart & Joines, 1987)

- Position of life: I-U +; social transaction ”Get away from...” (Ernst, apud. Joines, 1987)

for his Savior, become a victim;

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- Behavioural characteristics: sometimes a persecutor seeks victim to put down and to

reject, sometimes looking for a saviour to assist him and to confirm his faith (Stewart &

Joines, 1987)

The Dynamic of the roles in the Dramatic Triangle. Moving inside the Dramatic

Triangle

Examples:

� The saviour tired to do things for others and not to satisfy his needs begins to feel

victimized and ends up being the persecutor of the victim who he has saved (Choy)

� The victim, tired of being abused and feeling that things are not in control, moves to

the position of his saviuor persecutor (Choy)

� The Persecutor can change his position to the victim when he starts to feel guilty

because it was awful (or takes over the victim’s allegations); the persecutor can move

to the position of the victim when the persecuted ones start taking revenge (Choy)

When people play games and go through such movements between the roles of the

drama triangle, they end up feeling bad (”negative benefit” of the game) and mumbling ”I

knew...” (Berne, 1972).

However, people have the option to exit the game, to get rid of these dysfunctional

patterns of relationship and to adopt an independent position (free scenario) that assumes

responsibility for how it affects others, they recognize and use options, they are willing to

risk mistakes and all in favor of growth and autonomy.

3. Description of the reasons why people use these dysfunctional patterns of

interaction - the "benefits" we have when we do not communicate authentically

Berne (1962) describes six benefits that people have in playing these games. We will

now refer only to one - very significant – the one linked to some fundamental human needs:

stimulation, recognition and structure. Berne called these needs as ”stimulation hunger,

recognition hunger and structure hunger”. He used the concept of ”Stroke” to name the

recognition unit. For example, when you see a neighbour and greet him - send them a

”stroke” - a sign of recognition (I show him that I saw him).

Berne claims that we organize - structure - our whole life to get this recognition,

stimulation and human contact. The author speaks of the existence of six types of

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organization - the structuring of time - designed to bring us the satisfaction of these basic

needs.

1. Withdrawal: When a person is alone and carries on a mental activity... She sits,

thinking...

2. Ritual: when we engage in ritual interactions without much personal involvement: I

greet my neighbours and talk about the weather... (Get some recognition, stimulation

and human contact)

3. Spending time: when we engage in discussions practiced in the waiting room of the

doctor, the teachers' room, etc. ...

4. Activities: when we work something together...

5. Games

6. Intimacy (emotional, psychological and sexual). Intimacy is seen by the transactional

analysis as a form of structuring time and of human contact that brings the most

intense forms of recognition and human contact. It is the authentic way to share the

others emotions, thoughts, wishes and our genuine interest in what happens to the

other. This is a form of human contact that involves being vulnerable, open to others

and genuine... which may not be easy for some people. And then... because we need

human contact, however, recognition and stimulation – we start playing games

because there, personal vulnerability is not as great. The game is finally known - we

know where we get - we got there so often! In intimacy, we are genuine when we do

not know how the other will react... he may hurt us! Or maybe not ... but we do not

risk it!

4. Presentation of how to become aware and how to escape these unhealthy patterns

of interaction

HEALTHY MOVEMENT TOWARDS AUTONOMOUS POSITIONS

Karpman (2007) addresses the question ”How can I get out of the dramatic triangle?”:

� to start by knowing the roles and movements of the triangle, how you got there and

the consequences that you are in that role / roles;

� to avoid places, people and slippery thinking; decline the invitation to a new drama.

According to Cowper Johnson (apud Choy, 1990) people functioning in the Drama

Triangle alternates between the two roles and it avoids the third. Thus, getting out of

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the drama triangle involves awareness of the personal significance of the third corner

and practice skills needed to get out of that role.

Choy (1990) describes the three roles / autonomous positions that he places on a

triangle, in direct correlation with the roles of the drama triangle. Choy's triangle is called

The Winner’s Triangle (1990). The author develops in his article the skills that one needs to

get out of the scenario positions and to work autonomously.

THE VULNERABLE ROLE

Fact: suffering (as in the role of the victim).

Features: the vulnerable person maintains the access to the logical of the adult and

engages in problem solving; he is conscious that he can think and feel at the same time; when

he solves problems he knows that he has the option to ask for help, resources, support, and if

refused, he looks elsewhere;

Skills required: problem solving; any technique is useful to think about choices and

consequences (self-help initiatives, therapeutic techniques to facilitate problem-solving,

invitations to think and solve problems in non-therapeutic - see Choy's article).

THE CARING ROLE

Fact: the caring person is motivated by a genuine concern for vulnerable people (like

most Saviours)

Features: respect the ability to think, solve problems and seek help for vulnerable

people; do not take over these tasks only if requested and if ordered; do not what you do not

want to do; uses its awareness ability to monitor his own needs and emotions so allowing

them to decide whether the responsible person is willing to assist vulnerable in a particular

issue; if he does not want to be available, says this assertively, without feeling guilty; this

”release on the first place” prevents the feeling of being deceived, which almost always

prepares a move of the Saviour towards the Persecutor.

Skills required: the ability to listen. In the absence of a therapeutic contract, the most

protective way to be available due to a vulnerable person is to listen.

To listen involves to accord empathetically to the vulnerable person and to reflect back

the essence of what he said and the emotional context that the listener detects. Interpretation

and evaluation are avoided. Listening is often the only intervention required careful and very

effective as long as the listener is reliable (the disclosures of the vulnerable person are treated

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with respect) and honest (the listener is genuine and reveals how it is affected by what the

speaker says).

THE ASERTIV ROLE

Fact: energy use to meet the needs and rights without interest to punish someone.

Features: struggling to change things so as to obtain their rights and not to punish; are

aware that making changes can cause distress assertive in those who want things to remain

unchanged, no distress amplifies ”twisting the knife in the wound” and does not save the

suffering renouncing their right; considers negotiation as part of the problem solving process.

Skills required: assertiveness. Assertiveness is reference to the needs without being

punitive.

Bibliography:

• Berne, E., 1967, Games People Play. The psychology of Human relationships, New

York, Grove Press

• Choy,A., 1990, The Winner’s Triangle, Transactional Analysis Journal, vol. 20, No.1,

January, p. 40-46

• Clarkson, P., 1992, Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy: An Integrated Approach.

London: Routledge.

• Clarkson, P., 1987, The Bystander Role, Transactional Analysis Journal, vol. 17, No.3, July,

p. 82-87

• Karpman, S.B., 1968, Fairy Tales and Script Drama Analysis, publicat original in

Transactional Analysis Bulletin, 7(26), p. 39-43, gasit la adresa

http://www.karpmandramatriangle.com, in data 20.03.2010

• Karpman S. B., 2007, The New Drama Triangles, USATAA/ITAA conference lecture

August 11, gasit la adresa http://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/pdf, in data 20.03.2010

• Mills, R., 2010, The Karpman Drama Triangles, gasit la http://www.therapyideas.net, in data

20.03.2010

• Summerton, O., 1993, Three-Dimensional Transactional Analysis: The Drama

Triangle and the Game Pentagon, Transactional Analysis Journal, vol. 23, nr. 1 , p. 30-35.

• Summerton, O., 1992, The Game Pentagon, Transactional Analysis Journal, vol. 22,

nr. 2, p. 66 - 75.

• Summerton, O., 1992, Game Analysis in Two Plans, Transactional Analysis Journal,

vol. 22, nr. 4, p. 210-215.