protecting the child’s attachment following removal from parental care douglas goldsmith, ph.d....
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Protecting the Child’s AttachmentFollowing Removal From
Parental Care
Douglas Goldsmith, Ph.D.
Executive Director
The Children’s Center
The Christmas Box House Annual Conference
2005
Special Thanks
Dr. David Oppenheim University of Haifa Dr. Janine Wanlass Westminster College
For their contributions and support on conceptualizing issues around attachment and permanency
Overview Attachment Theory Internal Working Models Reflective Functioning Insightfulness Application to Permanency The Attachment Toolbox
Attachment
Emotional bond with another person Behaviors promote proximity with one
perceived as older, stronger, and wiser Motivational system to seek proximity Enhances feelings of security Motivates baby to take action when
frightened
Attachment Theory
When I am close to my loved one I feel good, when I am far away I am anxious, sad or lonely
Attachment is mediated by looking, hearing, and holding
When I’m held I feel warm, safe, and comforted
Results in a relaxed state so that one can, again, begin to explore Holmes (1993)
Attachment in Action
Behaviors shown by careseeker and caregiver
Aware of and seek each other out if careseeker is in danger due to physical separation, illness, or fright
Secure Attachment
The caregiver is perceived as a reliable source of protection and comfort
Cooper, Hoffman, Marvin &Powell , 2000
Attachment Classifications
The strange situation– Secure 65%– Avoidant 20%– Ambivalent 10%– Disorganized 5-10% (80% maltreated)
Secure (B)
Uses mother as secure base Signs of missing mother Actively greets with smile or gesture Signals or seeks contact if upset Once comforted resumes exploration
Solomon & George (1999) p.291
Secure Attachment
“Attachment is mediated by looking, hearing and holding: the sight of my loved one lifts my soul, the sound of her approach awakes pleasant anticipation. To be held and to feel her skin against mine makes me feel warm, safe and comforted.”
Holmes (1993)
Avoidant (A)
Explores readily Little visible distress when left alone Upon reunion, looks away or actively
avoids May stiffen or lean away if picked up
Solomon & George (1999) p. 291
Ambivalent (C)
Distressed, fretful, passive Fails to explore Unsettled, distressed by separation Alternates bids for contact with signs of
angry rejection Fails to find comfort from the parent
Solomon & George (1999) p.291
Insecure Attachment
Intense love and dependency Fear of rejection Irritability Vigilance Punish their attachment figure for any
sign of abandonment
Insecure Attachment
The insecurely attached person is saying:“Cling as hard as you can to people –they are likely to abandon you: hangon to them and hurt them if they showsigns of going away, then they may be less likely to do so.”
Holmes (1993)
Disorganized (D)
Behavior lacks an observable goal Look fearful Behavior is bizarre May try to leave after the reunion or
freeze
Attachment Behavioral System
Attachment figure:Near, responsive,
attunedFelt security, love,
self-confidence
Playful, smiling,Exploratory, sociable
Holmes (1993)
Attachment
Attachment is a reciprocal relationship The parent offers caregiving behavior
that matches the attachment behavior of the child
The child, using social referencing, checks in with the mother “looking for cues that sanction exploration or withdrawal”
Holmes (1993)
Parenting
Overanxious Parent – inhibits child’s exploratory behavior– Child feels stifled or smothered
Neglectful Parent – inhibits exploration by failing to provide secure base– Child feels anxious or abandoned
Holmes (1993)
Attachment ProblemsBowlby
A severely hurt child fails to seek comfort
Signals that ordinarily activate attachment behavior fail to do so
System controlling attachment, and the feelings and desires associated, is rendered incapable of being aroused
Attachment From the Child’sPoint of View
How do children view their parents? How do children learn to think about
themselves as separate from their parents?
Internal Working Model
Based on the child’s real-life experience of day to day interactions with his parents
Reflects the images the parents have of the child
Images communicated by how each parent treats the child and what each parent says to the child
Impact of the Internal Working Model
The model governs how children feel toward each parent and about themselves, how they expect to be treated and how they plan their own behavior toward their parent
Securely Attached Child
Internal Working Model– Responsive, loving, reliable caregiver– Self is worthy of love and attention
Holmes (1993)
Insecurely Attached Child
The world is dangerous Treat others with great caution Self is ineffective and unworthy of love These assumptions are stable and
enduring and terribly difficult to modify Holmes (1993)
Video – Rosie’s Kids
Development of Relationships
“For a relationship between any two individuals to proceed harmoniously each must be aware of the other’s point-of-view, his goals, feelings, and intentions, and each must so adjust his own behavior that some alignment of goals is negotiated.
Development of Relationships
This requires that each should have reasonably accurate models of self and other which are regularly updated by free communication between them. It is here that the mothers of securely attached children excel, and those of the insecure are markedly deficient.”
Bowlby (1988) p. 131
Parenting
How do parent’s foster secure attachment?
What should we look for when we observe parents?
Mothers of Secure Infants
Continuously monitor the infant’s state Accurately interpret the signal for
attention Act accordingly to meet the infant’s
needs
Mother’s of Anxious Infants
Monitor the infant’s state only sporadically
Inconsistently notice the infant’s signals May interpret the signal inappropriately Respond to the signal inappropriately,
or tardily
Ambivalently Attached Child
Shows overt aggression toward the inconsistent mother
“Don’t you dare do that again!” but has to cling because he knows from experience that she will.
Holmes (1993)
Avoidant Child
Outbursts of unprovoked aggression Needs to appease to the mother
because the child wants so badly to feel close
Fears she’ll rebuff him if needs are revealed too openly; or if anger about abandonment is shown too openly
Holmes (1993)
John: Seventeen MonthsFor Nine Days in a Nursery
James & Joyce Robertson
Phases of Response to Separation Protest
– Upset, confused, frightened by loss of mother– Urgent desire to find mother– Looks eagerly toward any sight, sound
Despair– Increasing hopelessness– Less active, withdrawn, apathetic– Decreases demands on environment
Phases of Separation
Despair may be misinterpreted by presuming that distress has decreased because the child is settling in
Detachment– Makes the best of the situation by repressing
longing for mother– When mother returns “he hardly seems to know
her”– May appear to not need any mothering at all
John – The Follow-up
First Week– Rejected his parents– Won’t accept comfort or affection– Won’t play– Shuts self in room– Cried a great deal– Can’t cope with the slightest frustration– Aggressive and destructive
Follow-Up
Second Week– Undemanding– No tantrums– Plays alone – quietly
Follow-Up
Third Week– Dramatic change– Tantrums return– Refuses food and loses weight– Sleep is disrupted– “Gulf” between parents and John
Follow-Up
One Month– Relationship with mother improves– Joyce visits and he regresses
• Refuses food and attention
– Three weeks later, second visit from Joyce• Extreme disturbance for 5 days• Includes aggression toward mother
Follow-Up
“Three years after his stay in the residential nursery, when John was four and one half years old, he was a handsome, lively boy who gave much pleasure to his parents. But there were two marked features which troubled them. He was fearful of losing his mother and got upset if she was not where he thought she would be. And every few months he had bouts of provocative aggression against her which came out of the blue and lasted for several days.”
Attachment: The Parent’s Point of View
How does the parent’s past impact attachment?
How do we get in to the parent’s head?
Impact of Empathic Failure
“Whatever she fails to recognize in him he is likely to fail to recognize in himself. In this way, it is postulated, major parts of a child’s developing personality can become split off from, that is, out of communication with, those parts of his personality that his mother recognizes and responds to, which in some cases include features of personality that she is attributing to him wrongly.” Bowlby (1988) p.132
Reflective Function
“The reflective function refers to the psychological processes underlying the capacity to mentalize. . . mentalizing refers to the capacity to perceive and understand oneself and others’ behavior in terms of mental states, i.e., reflection.”
Fonagy, Steele, Steele & Target (1997)
Reflective Function
Allows the individual to make sense of his or her own and others’ psychological experience, to enter into another’s experience, to “read” another’s mind
Allows the child to make others’ behavior meaningful and predictable, and permits him to respond adaptively
Slade (1999)
Reflective Function
The mother’s capacity to understand the child’s mental states create the context for a secure attachment relationship
The mother is able to view the infant as intentional
Reflective functioning provides protection against damaging effects of abuse and trauma
Slade (1999)
Reflective Function
The capacity to tell a story that is affectively believable
The capacity to understand emotional processes
The ability to accurately understand ones own and others behavior
Slade (2002)
Dyadic Patterns Marvin et al (2002)
Secure child – Autonomous Parent– Easily approach and interact when distressed– The reunion calms the child and facilitates
exploration– Child can shift between exploration and using the
parent as a safe harbor with little anxiety– Close attunement – disruptions easily repaired
Dyadic Patterns Marvin et al (2002)
Insecure child – Dismissing Parent– Both partners minimize intimate
attachment-caregiving interactions– Miscue – I’m really more interested in
playing– “Independence” is highly valued– Overregulated affect, little emotional self-
knowledge
Dyadic Patterns Marvin et al (2002)
Insecure Child –
Ambivalent/Preoccupied Parent– Both partners minimize independent
exploration– Child is overly dependent on the parent– Miscue – don’t explore, there really is
something to be anxious about– Under-regulated affect
Dyadic Patterns Marvin et al (2002)
Insecure, Disordered Child
Disorganized/ Insecure Parent– Parent fears or becomes angry in response
to child’s attachment behavior and abdicates caregiving
– Caregiver has unresolved trauma– Role reversed relationship
Maternal Attributions
Fixed beliefs that the mother has about the child – “beliefs that she perceives as objective, accurate perceptions of the child’s essence.”
Lieberman (2000)
Positive Maternal Attributions
“When a mother sees her child as the cutest, most intelligent, most endearing being ever created, she is summoning from the depths of herself the capacity for ecstasy that allows her to put up with the inevitably annoying, exasperating, or simply tedious aspects of raising a child.”
Lieberman (2000)
Maternal Attributions:Protective Function
Child feels adored Allow child to cope with self-doubts and
feelings of despair Allow parent to better tolerate self-
sacrifices that are integral to the parenting process
Lieberman (2000)
Parental Insightfulness
“Parental empathic understanding involves the capacity to see things from the child’s point of view within a balanced, accepting, and coherent frame.”
Oppenheim (2000)
Balanced
Able to see experiences through their child’s eyes and make attempts to understand the underlying motives
Talk openly about positive and negative aspects
Oppenheim (1999)
One-sided
Preset conception of their child Difficulty staying focused on their child
and their relationship with the child Talk about their own feelings/issues
Oppenheim (1999)
Disengaged
Lack emotional involvement Minimally attempt to understand what’s
on their child’s mind
Oppenheim (1999)Video
Foster Care and Permanency
How does foster placement effect development?
How do we assess relationships between the children and their biological as well as foster parents?
How long in foster care is too long? When can children still go home?
The Case of Sara
Placed for adoption upon discharge from the hospital
5 months of age legal adoption is not completed
Sara enjoys a loving relationship with her parents
The parent child relationship is marked by reliable, emotionally attuned, and responsive care
The Case of Sara
Allegations of neglect ariseSara is removed from the home at
the age of 10 months
The Case of Sara
Shelter home for four days
Second foster home for one week
Third foster home for eight weeks
Adoptive home
The Case of Sara
Upon arrival to the adoptive home Sara stares blankly, refuses social interaction, and is oblivious to pain after undergoing a medical procedure
Believing that Sara is available for adoption her name is changed
The Case of Sara
At the age of 15 months Sara is responding well to her new environment
First adoptive family hasn’t seen her for 6 months and want her returned to their care
The Case of Sara
Should she return? Who are the “psychological” parents? Does she remember her first adoptive
parents? She’s so young that she won’t remember
anything and can be returned without distress
Sara is a “resilient” child
The Case of Sara
The internal working model – viewing the world through Sara’s eyes
Assessing “risk” Could reunion reactivate feelings of loss? Utilization of second adoptive parents as a
secure base Impact of no contact
Factors Favoring Sara’s Return
Sara is a “resilient” child and can weather more moves.
Sara needs to return to be able to resolve her grief
As she gets older, Sara will long to be with her first adoptive family
Sara should not have been removed in the first place
Factors Against Sara’s Return
Length of time away from her first family without any contact
Her name change has impacted her Internal Working Model
She now views her new family as her only family and calls her new parents “mama” and “dada”
Factors Against Sara’s Return
Sara clearly shows signs of a secure attachment to her new parents
A return could, in fact, be viewed by Sara as traumatizing and as being “ripped away” from her family
Trauma could create a Reactive Attachment Disorder
Factors Against the Return of Sara
Comparing the future stability of the two families– First family is struggling with high levels of
stress and their relationship has been negatively impacted and, largely ignored
– Second family has, and will likely, withstand stressors
Implications for Caseworkers
Request relationship-based assessments
Understand children’s needs vs. parental capacity for caregiving
Develop specific recommendations about what behaviors the parent needs to develop to successfully parent this particular child
Use of Supervised Visits
Used routinely but should be used for extreme cases where abuse/neglect even under supervision is of high risk
Need to find ways to allow for more contact with parents in a more natural setting
Therapeutic visits vs. supervised visits
Supervised Visits
Be mindful of the limits to interpretation of the behaviors between the parent and child– Playfulness does not equal attachment
Stress following the visit is natural and should not necessarily be interpreted to mean that visits are experienced negatively by the child
Observation of Parent-Child Relationship
Observe proximity seeking behaviors – watch eye contact and social relatedness
Observe parental sensitivity and insightfulness to child’s cues
Who does child seek out when frustrated or frightened
Use doll play to assess attachment hierarchy
Assessment – Secure Base
Over the past two weeks can you think of a time when your child was:– Hurt?– Frightened?– Separated from you?
What did your child do? How did you respond?
Assessment of Parent’s Point of View Interview questions:
– Could you give me a thumbnail sketch of your child?
– Tell me about a time in the past two weeks when you and your child really clicked.
– Tell me about a time when you didn’t.– What gives you the most joy in your relationship?– What gives you the most pain?– Where do you turn for emotional support?
Steele (2003)
Attachment Toolbox
Nurturing Relationships– The “Ideal Grandma”
• Anticipating Needs• Keeping the child in “mind”
Reading and responding to cues Emotional Regulation
– Proximity to the child– Reassurance– Emotional repairs - Time In
Time In
Stay close by to help the child calm down
Avoid processing until the child is calm
If child becomes aggressive distance yourself while reassuring the child that you’ll be available once the child is calm
Attachment Toolbox
Managing anxiety– Sleep Issues– Appetite Issues
Encourage checking-in behaviors Providing structure and consistency Protecting the child from trauma
reminders Positive communication skills
Attachment Toolbox
Developmentally appropriate expectations
Managing parental stress– Providing respite care
Treatment Options
Obtain comprehensive, relationship-based assessments
Supervised visits vs. Reunification treatment
Parent-child therapy Individual therapy Shelter vs. Residential treatment
Educating Parents
Parents need to understand children’s histories to be on alert for trauma reminders
Be realistic about attachment issues but recognize parent’s ability to hear the concerns
Encourage parents to seek treatment
Secure Base
“When a child is held in mind, the child feels it, and knows it. There is a sense of safety, of containment, and, most important, existence in that other, which has always seemed to me vital. . . It seems to me that one of life’s greatest privileges is just that – the experience of being held in someone’s mind.”
Pawl (1995)