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HEALING WITH THE MASTERS™ PRESENTS

SHOW 3 | JUNE 7, 2011

RELEASING OLD HABITS, PATTERNS AND STORIES

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Healing With the Masters: Special Series of 19 6 Nights with Neale Donald Walsch Show 3 | Releasing Old Habits, Patterns and Stories | June 7, 2011 Copyright 2011, all rights reserved Jennifer McLean | Healing with the Masters | www.McLeanMasterWorks.com

Jennifer McLean SHOW 3 | JUNE 7, 2011

www.healingwiththemasters.com RELEASING OLD HABITS, PATTERNS AND STORIES Jennifer: Welcome everyone to McLean MasterWorks. We are delighted to hang out, again, with Neale

Donald Walsch on our third of six programs focused on the things that we can shift in our lives, the things that we can move towards, allowing us to have the life that we’ve been imagining, a higher‐vibrating, higher‐frequency life. You should be familiar with Neale by now, but if you’re not, Neale is a prolific author of many books, and he’s best known for his Conversations with God materials. Neale is also someone who I have come to know, who is living, from my perspective, an authentic life, someone who is playing with his life, just as we all are, and coming up with new and wonderful evolutionary conclusions. Of course that’s my assessment, and I am thrilled and honored that he is joining us tonight. Welcome, Neale.

Neale: Thank you, Jennifer. It’s lovely to be here. It’s very nice to hear you say those things about

me. I should say at the outset that I have only one wish in my life really, and that is that I wish I could live up to my press clippings.

Jennifer: You’re doing all right. You’re doing all right from my perspective. I love the humility aspect. It

really allows all of us to just feel safe, I think, so thank you for your beautiful humility. So tonight’s topic is Releasing Old Habits, Patterns and Stories. This is a very big and important topic. I know it’s really a key process in each of us, discovering a new life of more ease and more love. I’m going to kind of throw it out to you, about your perception and your understandings through Conversations with God material on how to release old habits, patterns and stories.

Neale: Well, I’m going to take those one at a time. They sound as if they’re synonyms, that is, that

they mean essentially the same thing, but really I see them as three different kinds of mental conditions and behaviors. Habits, patterns and stories fall into different categories in my mind, which is probably how I’ve been able to deal with them in some cases as effectively as I have done, but not in all cases. Habits to me is the easiest of those three words. It’s just stuff we get into doing habitually. Smoking was a habit in which I engaged for 30 years, and there are other habits as well, behavioral habits that people engage in on a daily basis. We find ourselves doing these things, doing these behaviors if we just watch ourselves. It often seems as if it’s difficult to, I want to say, break a habit. Again, this is the first of the three categories and, in my mind, the easiest to deal with, and I learned this when I quit smoking.

I have a success story around that one. In this case I’m really pleased with myself, because I

really stopped smoking around the age of 30. I guess I was about 35 or so, 35 or 36. I’ve lost count, but it was many years ago now, but I had been smoking since I was around 16. Gosh, 16 years old. I picked up the habit from my parents as a teenager, and by golly, by the time I was 30 years old, I’d been smoking 15 or 20 years at the age of 36. Twenty years of smoking was



not a good thing. Not a good thing. But I’m pleased with myself because I literally dropped the smoking habit cold, no courses, no classes, no gums, no hypnosis, no nothing. I just simply decided one day I was never going to smoke again, and I didn’t. It was simply a decision.

Here’s how that decision worked for me and how it’s worked for me to break other habits as

well that have not been pleasing to me as I’ve looked at myself moving through life. I didn’t simply use what one would call willpower. The process in my life was not one of just mind over matter kind of thing or toughing my way through it if you will. That’s not what I did. I made the decision around the habits that we’re discussing, whatever it might be, smoking, biting your nails, whatever it might be. I made a different decision. That is, I didn’t make a decision should I smoke or not. I didn’t make the decision should I bite my nails or not. I didn’t make the decision around a certain habit that I had, whether I should do that or not, nor did I say to myself, “I’m not going to do this again. I’m not going to do this again.” I didn’t do that either. It was not like teeth‐gritting determination. Rather I moved the whole consideration to a different platform if you please. I asked myself, I think, the most important question in life really, a five‐word question that has changed my life in many, many ways. Is this who I am? I remember. I really remember when I made that decision.

I was lighting a cigarette. It was late at night. It was 11:30 or 12:00 at night. I was getting

ready for my last cigarette of the evening before turning in. I was turning in a bit late that night, and I was going to have my final coffee and cigarette, which was a habit of mine. You need to understand. Decaffeinated coffee, at least I was bright enough not to have caffeine late at night, but I was going to have my cup of decaf, nice, warm decaf and a cigarette. Every night that was my habit. On this particular night, I knew that I had wanted to stop smoking. I knew that it really wasn’t good for me. I knew that it wasn’t the brightest idea that I’ve ever had in my life and that I wanted to stop, frankly, but I just never took it in hand, never just attacked the problem. But one night I was picking up that pack of cigarettes, and I just said to myself, “Is this who I am? I mean, am I really and truly so controlled by this habit,” whatever it might be, “That that has become who I am, and that this habitual behavior and the mind that is inside of me, that wraps itself around and creates this behavior is really taking control of my life now? Have I really lost control of my own life to the point that a relatively simple behavior like this can’t be stopped if I really wanted to? Is this who I am? Am I a person —”

Here’s where it really got to me. I had a turnaround experience around the smoking thing. Let

me just share it with you briefly. I was a writer in those days, as I am today, but I wasn’t writing my own books. I was a technical writer, and I earned my living as a journalist, writing magazine articles and articles for newspapers, as well as doing private writing for private clients, who knew that I could prepare things for them, like technical papers and so forth. A doctor had come to me. He had heard about my work. He said, “I understand that you write presentations.” “Yes, I do.” “Would you be willing to write a presentation for me on the health and functioning of the human lung? I have to make a presentation in Nevada at some medical convention,” whatever he said. “I’ve done all the research. I know all the material. I’m just not a good writer. Could you put together the material based on my research?” I said, “Sure, I could.” He gave me his books. He went away. I spent three days pulling this paper together. Well, I’m telling you, three days of looking at this guy’s research that he had done on the health and functioning of the human lung was enough to convince anybody. It was complete with graphic pictures, X‐rays and the whole business.


I thought, “What am I doing to myself?” Now, mind you, while I’m looking at this research and typing up my notes, I’m smoking. You’ve got to know, I’m sitting there with my cigarette, my ever‐present cup of coffee and my cigarettes, and I’m smoking my way through the writing of this paper. Somewhere around paragraph 65 of this long presentation I was making for this guy at the medical conference, I’m thinking to myself, “Wow. I can’t believe that I’m actually doing this while I’m writing this.” I’m writing this paper that talks about how injurious this is. By the way, just as an aside, I should tell you that the lung and the brain are the only two organs of the body whose cells do not regenerate. Every other cell of your body will regenerate, but your lung cells, the alveoli in your lungs and your brain cells will not. Therefore, if you do brain damage or lung damage, that’s it. No recovery, no getting those cells back.

I was realizing that, with every inhalation, as the research was showing me, I was killing off

hundreds and hundreds of little alveoli, little cells of my lungs that allow me to breathe more effectively and allow my body to process oxygen. At the end of that research, I was writing this paper. I thought, “That’s it. I’m done.” That framed the question for me. Is this who I am? That is, am I a person who commits suicide slowly rather than rapidly, who doesn’t really care enough for his spouse, his family, his children, his friends and himself to stop the self‐destruction. Or if this is who I am, am I really a person who is so convinced that I can’t stop this behavior that I’m ignoring the evidence or I’m going to pooh‐pooh it. That’s it. That’s the idea. I’ll pretend that the evidence is wrong. The evidence of 50 years of research is wrong, and they don’t get it. They’re exaggerating, and that’s it. I’ll make the evidence wrong. That’s how I can justify my behavior. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

But I couldn’t. Every time I said, “Is this who I am,” my mind said, “No. First of all, you’re

bright enough to see that the research is probably accurate. This is probably not a good idea. You’re also bright enough to know that you can stop this behavior if you want to. It’s just a matter of deciding to. You’re also humane enough and considerate enough and caring enough and loving enough of your family to not want to deprive them of you. Even though it’s not hurting them now, whatever you are, 31, 36 — it’s apparently having no effect on you now, but you know darn well, when you’re 66 and 69 and 72, emphysema is not going to look so good to your family, to your wife, to your friends and to yourself. So I picked up the cigarette that night, and I said, “Is this who I am?” My inside voice said, “No. You can still do the behavior, light up the cigarette, but this is not who you are. This is not a demonstration to yourself, much less the world, of who you are.”

Now, that was a turnaround moment in my life, not because I stopped smoking. That was a

good enough reason, but in fact, it was a turnaround moment in my life in a larger way, because it helped me to reframe the question of my life. That is I could apply that incisive question to every behavior I was doing, to every choice and decision I made, to every moment of my life and the way I moved through those moments. I learned, in that evening, to look at myself from across the room when I would raise my voice to the children, when I would stomp around the house because I was in a grumpy or a bad mood, when I would speak sharply to my wife for really no good reason. There really isn’t a good reason, by the way. When I would, in fact, exhibit any kind of behavior that really wasn’t who I imagined myself to be, I learned to turn my eyes around, or to take my eyes, if you please, out of my head, place them across the room, turn around and look at myself. I would ask myself, “Is this who I am?” Then the


second most important question following that, is this who I now choose to be. Is this who I am, and is this who I now choose to be?

I realized that, you know what? This is the central question of life. This isn’t about stopping a

habit. This is the central question of life. This is the guidepost. This is the guideline. If someone had told me this when I was 12, when I was just growing up, as a young man, when I was 13, 18, whatever, if someone had come to me in those early days of my life and said, “I’m going to give you a guiding light. I’m going to give you a searing question that, if you ask it of yourself purely and honestly and answer it, just in your own mind — you don’t owe an answer to anybody else. You don’t need to announce your answer to the world. Nobody even needs to know you’re asking the question, but you must promise yourself. You must promise your own soul that you will be pure in your inquiry and honest in your answer, just in your own mind. I’m going to give you this searing question, and it’s going to change your life.”

If someone had done that to me when I was 13 or 15 or 18 or 20, wow, but no. I had to wait

36 long years, but even then, better 36 than 86. From that moment on, Jennifer, it has altered my way of holding the moments of my life and what I’m doing in those moments. I hold them now as a demonstration of who I am or not that, and if they do not demonstrate who I am, that is, who I imagine myself to be or who I want to be, then I ask myself the third question. Then why am I doing that? If this is not who I am or if this is not who I want to be, then why am I doing that? Why am I doing that? Or is it in fact who I am, and I just don’t want to admit it?

Like sarcasm, I have a sarcastic streak, which you may have been able to discover if you talked

to me long enough. I’m not proud of that, but I am proud that I’ve at least gotten it under control. Thirty‐five years ago, when I was a young man, 35 years old, I promise you, you didn’t want to tangle with me, because I had a biting sarcastic tongue. I was frankly, in some kind of strange street lawyer way, kind of proud of it. Nobody tangles with Neale. I was kind of wearing it as a badge, I realized, but then one day I hurt somebody that I know very well, not kin but a very close friend. I hurt that friend deeply with some kind of zapper that I couldn’t stop myself from throwing into the space, and that person was not just a little bit hurt, not a little bit bruised, but really, really ego‐destroyed for a long time. I saw it on his face as soon as I said it. As soon as I said it, I was like, “Oh, man. I didn’t need to go that far to make my point. Come on. You’ve known this guy for 20 years. He’s a friend of yours since childhood. Why would you do that?” I realized, again, that’s not who I am, and that’s not who I choose to be.

Those are turnaround moments in my life, and then when Conversations with God came

through me, I was not surprised to find that one of the first statements in the book — there are now nine Conversations with God books, covering 3,000 pages, but in the very early pages of book one, it said to me, “Every act is an act of self‐definition.” That was a profound capsulization of what I had been thinking since I was 36. It’s clear to me, of course, that God’s been talking to me all my life. I just simply started taking notes at 50. So I realized that I had received that message before, and now it was crystallized in the Conversations with God material. Every act is an act of self‐definition. So that’s my advice now when people come to me and say, “I can’t seem to break this habit. I don’t know how to break this habit.” I say, “Well, you may not be able to break the habit, but you can create who you really are and who you choose to be as a human being, as a person, as a wife, as a mother, as a husband, as a son, as a whatever. Who are you? Because all you’re doing in life is defining yourself.”


That’s all that’s happening here, and when you end your life, your life, as you lived it, will be

your definition that will go to God’s dictionary. Under the word Neale: a man who lived in the last half of the 20th century and the first half of the 21st, who — then God says, “Fill in the blank.” That’ll be the definition in God’s dictionary. So that has really assisted me in doing something as simple as breaking habits. By the way, I’ve never had a cigarette, again, and thank God for it. It’s been now 30 years since I stopped smoking, and that’s really good news for the old body.

Jennifer: One of the things that you mentioned earlier, the old kind of way of breaking habits is what

you called this not doing or doing or this teeth‐gritting determination. Neale: Yeah, or denying yourself. Jennifer: I love that you’ve moved the consideration to a new platform. You’ve reframed the question

for yourself, and within that reframing, it’s just so non‐judgmental too. It’s not, “You’re bad. You suck. How could you?” It is, “Is this who I am? Is this who I now choose to be? What is the demonstration of who I am, and what is the demonstration of my life through that?” It’s a really beautiful reframing.

Neale: It moves the whole experience to an entirely different arena. Your whole life becomes an

entirely different experience. You just realize, “Oh, my goodness. Is that what I’m doing here? I thought I was trying to get ahead or make a living or be a good father or get to heaven or whatever I thought I was trying to do. Now I get what I’m doing here. I’m simply defining myself. I’m simply creating myself and then recreating myself anew in every moment of my life. Wow, interesting. What an interesting way to frame the experience of my life. Now, with regard to patterns — habits, patterns and — what was the third word you used?

Jennifer: Stories. Neale: Stories, right. Habits, patterns and stories. With regard to patterns, I’ve taken this approach.

I’ve looked not so much at the pattern but what the pattern was showing me. I picked this one up from one of my many wives, who was very, very good, extremely good, in fact, with a sewing machine. She could have been a professional seamstress. She wasn’t, but she could have been. She was that good, and I watched her make stuff out of cloth. I don't know how people do that. She’d just go out and buy yards of cloth and come back a day and a half later with a dress, and I mean a magnificent dress. I go, “How in the world do you do that? How did you turn that piece of cloth —” She’d show me how she’d make a pattern and so forth, and then from the pattern was this beautiful, beautiful dress. Or, I guess, if you didn’t do it well, that is, if you had the pattern but you weren’t really a good seamstress, it’d probably be an ugly mess. You’d put it together, and it’s not something you’d want to wear out of the house.

I realized then that it’s not the pattern that I needed to look at but what emerged from it. I

said to my then wife, “You know what, honey? You’re showing me something here. I’m learning something entirely different. I’m not learning how to be a seamstress, but I’m picking up a huge life lesson here, because what I’m learning is it’s not the pattern that is the source of the difficulty or the source of anything really. It’s what you do, what emerges from that


pattern, what the pattern is revealing to you.” So I began to look at the patterns of my life, and I did have patterns.

One example is procrastination. I had a terrific pattern of procrastination. That is, it was my

pattern to wait until the last minute to do everything and then to feel terribly rushed, terribly pressured, terribly stressed, put upon by life and the world itself and victimized by the whole circumstance and situation, running around, wanting to get sympathy from everybody, my spouse, my co‐workers, if you please, and everybody around me. Give me a wide berth. Give me lots of space, because Daddy’s in a bad mood because he’s got to finish this project by tomorrow and all that good stuff. I lived those stories all the time. I lived those patterns continually in my life. I could give you 20 patterns. That’s one of my patterns.

Another pattern that I lived for a long time was never tell anybody the truth if it’s going to

reveal too much about you. So I had a pattern around that, which was that nobody ever heard from me what was really so. I was the chief of all white liars. I told white lies right and left. I didn’t lie about huge stuff. I didn’t tell huge lies that affected me at a level of high integrity but white lies all over the place. I just didn’t tell people what was really going on with me about stuff that wasn’t terribly, terribly important. I began to realize that people couldn’t depend on me. They couldn’t rely on me to tell the truth. They couldn’t believe me anymore. They began losing faith in who I was as a person, but it was a pattern that I didn’t break until I saw — not the pattern itself. Again, here’s how I reframed it.

This happened when I was about — I’m going to say I was about 53 years old when this

occurred to me. This is not early in my life. I’d like to say that I solved this one early, but I didn’t. I was about 53 years old, somewhere in my early 50s, and I began to realize that, once again, I didn’t like the parts of myself that were doing these patterns. I didn’t like Neale the procrastinator. I didn’t like Neale, the little soft white liar, and I saw the pattern clearly. I clearly saw the patterns, but what allowed me to change it was when I reframed it. Instead of trying to stop doing that, instead of trying to discontinue the pattern, I looked at what the pattern was revealing to me. I began to reframe it as not Neale is a person who tells white lies. “Can you make the barbecue Saturday?” “Gee, Jim, I’d love to be there, but I’ve got this thing. I’ve got some overtime I’ve got to do at the office, and I’ve got to go in for a couple of hours. I can’t be at the —” Liar, liar, pants on fire. I just didn’t want to go to the guy’s barbecue.

I began to look at what was the pattern revealing about me. When I began looking at that

level, I realized what the pattern was revealing is you’re a person who lacks integrity. Oh, I see, and if I lack integrity, that probably shows up in a lot of ways that I’m not even looking at or clear about or wanting to acknowledge. Wow, this pattern — oh, wow. Yes. That’s what the pattern reveals. That’s the dress that came off the pattern, and it ain’t pretty. It’s revealing something to me that I’m not really okay with. I want you to hear that, because that’s the difference. I was okay with telling white lies, because after all, they’re little, harmless white lies. We call them social lies, and I thought, “What’s the deal? What’s the big deal? Neale, don’t make a big deal out of it, for God’s sake. You’re just trying to save the guy’s feelings.” So I would tell myself it wasn’t that big of a deal, but in fact, the big deal was I was a person who lacked integrity. That was a big deal, and when I saw what the pattern was revealing to me, that’s where I affected the change. No, I choose to be a person who is in integrity. I don’t choose to be a person who is out of integrity every time he opens his mouth


in social situations or, for that matter, any situation. I don’t feel good about that. I hadn’t really seen it at that level before. So then I began measuring everything that came out of my mouth against the yardstick of integrity. Is this integrous? Is this what’s true? Is this what’s so? Is this what’s authentic, or did I just make that up?

Just to use examples from my life, with regard to the pattern of procrastination, I realized that

the pattern was — I could see the pattern was I always waited till the last minute and then rushed to get it done. Somebody famously once said, “Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.” So there I was waiting for the last minute every single time and putting myself under enormous pressure, but I saw the pattern was revealing to me that I needed to feel the victim. When I could cast myself in the role of the hero/victim — I’m the hero of the game. I’m the hero of the story, but I’m the victim. I’m the victim of the circumstance, but I’m going to pull it out at the last minute. Then I can be the hero, but in the meantime, everybody better walk on eggshells around me, because Daddy needs to have his space this weekend, children. Be sure to give it to him, because Daddy’s got this project. I guess it was my eight‐year‐old at one point says, “Oh, Daddy’s always having a project.” Wow. That opened it up for me. Is anybody listening to me?

Jennifer: I’m sorry? Neale: I just wanted to make sure. I felt for a few minutes nobody was watching. Lost the entire

connection. Jennifer: We are definitely still here and rapt. Neale: So what that revealed to me was I got my bennies, that is, my benefits. I got my bennies from

allowing myself to feel like I was the hero/victim of my story. Of course in almost every case — there were a couple of cases when I didn’t, but 98 percent of the time, I pulled it out at the last minute. Then I could go, “Ta‐da. I did it.” Then I could get the hero’s welcome, and my wife would pat my head and say, “I knew you’d be able to do it, honey.” I’d just think, “Whoa.” Talk about archetypical stories. I was just living archetypes. I was living Joseph Campbell all over the place in my own house on the weekends, and again, I saw what that pattern was revealing about me. I thought, “You know what? I don’t want to be a person who gets his strokes, who gets people to treat him nicely, who gets people to walk around on eggshells around him or who gets his spouse to give him little pats on the head and soft touches because he pulled it out at the end after all. I don’t need to pull that kind of attention to me and have that kind of response in the world out of a story I just made up.” It could be simply because I didn’t start this project 16 days ago when I should have. I waited until the last hour, but then if I’d used all 16 days to do the project, rather than the three days to do the project, if I did it in a timely fashion, then where would I get all those bennies? Then who would say, “You’re magnificent, Neale. You’re magnificent. You pulled it out again.” Who would notice me? For that matter, who would give me the deference that I get around the house? Who would treat me with deference? Who would understand that I need to be handled with kid gloves here, because I’m doing important stuff, and I’m late with it, and it’s not my fault, blah, blah, blah?

I began to look at my whole life in that way, not just with regard to procrastination or, for that

matter, little white lies in social situations. I began to look at all the patterns of my life that


were not pleasing to me and, for that matter, those that were. By the way, not all patterns are bad, anymore than all habits are bad.

Jennifer: That’s interesting. Neale: I had a lot of patterns that were really good patterns and a lot of habits that were really good

habits. I don't know why I’m telling you all these things, but every one of my wives — I’ve had six. Now I’m on my seventh. Every one of my seven wives has said to me, “You’re the most courteous, kindest. You always open the door for me. You always walk around the car and let me in and then walk around the other side. You’re chivalrous. You’re like a guy from the 1800s. Where did you pick up all the behaviors?” I said, “It’s just habit. I guess I was brought up that way. I had kind of an old‐fashioned family, and I saw my father treat my mother that way.” I said, “I guess that’s just the way you treat ladies, isn’t it?” Almost all of my ladies have said to me, “Well, no other guy did that for me.” I get it. So I’m the kind of guy who throws his coat down so that the lady doesn’t have to step in the puddle, and if you look at it, that’s who I am. That’s a positive pattern.

Jennifer: Right, and that’s also defining who you are, what you said. It’s also part of that self‐definition

and part of that filter and yardstick that you can use when you ask that. You can use the positive as well, can’t you, to reframe for yourself as to who you are?

Neale: Absolutely. I don’t have to be the victim here. I can just be the hero, and so I just get the

victim guy out of there. So I began to look at the patterns of my life and to congratulate myself and praise myself and honor myself for the good patterns and to give myself permission to change the pattern when it wasn’t one that pleased me. It’s just all about whether I was pleased, not anybody else. This is really important, by the way. I want to really make this point loudly. This is not about pleasing anybody else. By the way, the thought that it was, the idea that it was about pleasing other people — in the early part of my life, when I was immature, I thought that — is what stopped me from changing a lot of my behaviors and a lot of my patterns and a lot of my habits, because I’ll be darned if I’ll give in to this simply because they want me to. So that was another blockage for me. I’d be doggoned if I was going to give in to the world and fall into other people’s expectations. That was another reason that I gave myself for not changing, but when I began to reframe that as well, these are not things that I’m concerned about with regard to what other people think. These are things that I’m concerned about with regard to what I think. That is, I’m beginning to notice that I, Neale, am not pleased with these patterns and these habits. These are not behaviors — these are not what I call outpicturings in my life that make me happy. I’m not happy. I’m not pleased with myself, and I’m not happy with myself around some of these things.

I certainly wasn’t happy with myself when I really hurt my friend with that moment of sarcasm,

and I can tell you that I learned a huge lesson there. It’s a shame we have to hurt other people. At least I do. It’s a shame I have to hurt other people in order to learn those lessons. I once wrote an essay about that, and I sent it to all my friends who I thought I’d been hurtful to, including most of my ex‐wives. I set this essay around it. I said, “I’m so sorry that it took me so long to learn how to be a little it nice, and I’m sorry that I had to learn it at your expense.” On the other hand, I’m not going to feel guilty about it, because I realize, at some level, souls do that for each other. That is, we cast ourselves in particular roles in the lives of each other, that each of us, all of us can grow and evolve and become the next greatest


version of who we are. So all the world’s a stage and the people but the players, each one having his entrances and his exits, each one playing his many roles and parts. So I realize that while others have been victimized by me, in fact, I too have played the role of victim to others, and they’ve apologized to me and so forth. So I’ve been able to step back from the whole process of life and say, “Okay, yeah. I did that. I did that to them, and others have done this to me. That’s what’s going on here,” and to be able to raise my perspective above the valley, back up to the mountain top and see what’s really going on, which gets to the third and final part of our conversation today, which has to do with your story.

Stories are changed by shifting perspective, and that’s how we end our story. A story, in the

way it’s classically used by psychologists and psychiatrists and those who look at human behavior — a person’s “story” is what a person sees when a person is limited in his or her perspective, limited to the data that is held by the mind. The way that we bring an end to any story that is no longer serving us is by shifting our perspective with regard to it and giving ourselves a chance to look at the story from the mountain top, from the highest point, from the perspective of the soul and to rewrite the story, to recreate the story. From the perspective of the soul — I’m going to give you an example of that if I can, so I can tie it down and make it real in the here and now life.

I came home one time many years ago — now it’s 20 years ago or so, 18 years ago — to a

house that was empty. Half the furniture was gone, and the clothes were gone out of my wife’s closet. It was real clear to me that, while I was at work, my wife had decided she was through, and she literally left the place. No note. “Dear John, I’m sending your saddle home.” Nothing. Just nobody there. It was a remarkable moment in a remarkable life, and I sat there on the couch, and I thought, “My God. My God, I’ve just been deserted.” I called her mother. Nobody there. Of course everybody — mum was the word. Nobody was speaking to me about it. “I don't know where she is. I don't know.” Nobody knew where this woman was that was my wife. She simply vanished. Vanished. If her things hadn’t been gone, of course, I would have thought something horrible had happened, but at least I knew she was safe, because one does not vanish in an unsafe way and take all their things with them. So at least I knew that she was safe, but she could have left at least a little note on the counter. “Darling, I’m through,” or whatever, but no, nothing. Just that was it. Even the ring on the counter would have been a clue, but I didn’t get that.

So of course I started making up my story. You can imagine the story I made up. She found

another man. She didn’t have the courage or the nerve to tell me. It was something she simply couldn’t say, so rather than have the courage to at least face me with it, at least give me that much, she simply walked out while I was at work. You dirty rat. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And so the story goes. And that’s the story I held about it. I didn’t know. I thought, “Well, sooner or later she’ll call. She’ll write.” But no. Days went by. Weeks went by. I was having to make excuses to my friends. Talk about little white lies. Everybody would say, “Well, how are you and the missus and so forth? How about coming over for coffee?” I was making all these excuses for two or three weeks, until finally people realized that they hadn’t seen my wife in like two months. They were like, “What’s going on?” Finally, to one person at a time, I had to admit, “She’s not living with me anymore apparently.” “Apparently?” “Well, I haven’t seen her.” “You haven’t seen her?” Then I would tell my story, and finally, with some of my really, really, really close friends, I would reveal the story I had written around that. “I think she probably found somebody else, and they just came over to the house with a U‐Haul, put


her stuff in the thing, and they’re off in Nevada someplace. What do I know? They just ran off together. I mean, what else could have happened?”

That’s just an example, and the mind creates stories out of its prior data. That is, the mind

puts together all that it observes from its limited perspective, from its perspective in the valley. What I mean by in the valley, I mean in the valley of its own limited data or its own limited thoughts. That is, I began to look at all the stories I’d ever heard in my life, all the movies I saw, all the TV shows. No one’s ever done this to me in my life before, but I’ve certainly heard about stuff like this. What else could have happened? So I went ahead and put together the data, based on what I thought had occurred. I added up the numbers, two and two, and got six, because guess what. That’s not what happened. When I found out, it’s three and a half months later, and I’m living my life, realizing, “Okay, I’m no longer married apparently. I guess I’ve got to go through the legal system and get a divorce on the grounds of desertion and blah, blah, blah, blah.”

I saw her at a shopping center across town, nowhere near where I lived. I happened to be

going there because I had to go to an electronics store, and that was the only place this electronics store was, clear across town. So I go there, clear across town to get something, and there’s my wife across the shopping center and not on the arms of another guy either, just walking through the shopping center and, for that matter, not looking all that happy. But I couldn’t get to her fast enough. She kind of walked away, and I didn’t get to her. I got to her in the parking lot. I ran out there, and I saw her get in her car. I jumped in my car, which was, thank goodness, actually close by, and followed her to her house, what turned out to be her house. She apparently had rented a little townhouse someplace, and there she was. Of course I confronted her. I came across, and she saw me then. She said, “Oh, my God. It’s you.” I said, “Yeah, yeah, me. Remember the guy you married? Me, this guy.” It was right out of a bad movie. I swear to God, it was a grade B movie, except I had my wits about me. I wasn’t about to do anything desperate, but I did say, “Do you think we should have a conversation? I mean, do you think you owe me that?” She said, “Oh, come on in. I’m sorry.”

Long story short, she was so scared that she wouldn’t be able to keep her commitment to me,

because she felt, wrongly I might add, that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. She was, in fact, deeply in love with me, and she had had a history of broken relationships, which incidentally she had never told me about. She’d had a history of, one after another, broken relationships, and she got more and more nervous the longer our relationship went on. We were together about a year and a half at this point. We were practically newlyweds, and the longer our relationship went on, the more nervous she got, until she finally had to go seek counseling. Finally she thought the only answer is, “I’ve got to leave before he leaves me, because every guy I’ve ever been in love with has ultimately left me.” I said to her on the couch, “Let me see if I’ve got this straight. You’re telling me that you left me because you were afraid that the relationship would end. You do understand that that doesn’t make sense, don’t you?” She said, “Of course I do, but I wanted to get my head together. My intention was to contact you after I was away for a little while. I hoped that you would be not so mad that you wouldn’t even talk to me about it. Then we could go to counseling and work out my problems, etcetera, etcetera.” I said, “Honey, do you know the story I made up around this?”

The happy part of that story is we got back together of course, in fact, that very evening. I

said, “Come on. Do you really love me, or are you just saying that?” She said, “No, no.” I said,


“If you really love me, go upstairs, take your things, and we’re going back to my house. We’ll come back here over the weekend and get you the hell out of here, back home.” Of course she did, and our marriage went on. But here’s what I realized later. Even that isn’t what happened. When I look at that circumstance from the perspective of my soul, which a spiritual counselor helped me to do — I went to a spiritual counselor. It must have been two months later. I was still dealing with this, and I said to this spiritual counselor, who was a minister, “I’m really having a hard time with forgiveness around this. I’m okay. I’m not making her pay for it, but I’m just so mystified. I just can’t believe this kind of thing happens. Does a person really do that, just walk out?” So on and so forth, and I was just so mystified. This wonderful minister, she looked at me and she said, “Neale, is that what you think really happened? You just bought into her story. Her story is no better than your story. You’ve both got stories going that have nothing to do with what really happened.” I said, “What are you talking about?” She said, “Let’s look at it from the perspective of the soul. If you thought there was a soul reason for you to experience, to co‐create this event with your wife, what would the reason be?”

I never, ever looked at the situation in that way, and she forced me to look at it in that way. I

said, “Well, if there was a soul reason, I don’t know. I can’t imagine what my soul reason would be.” She said, “I know. I know you can’t imagine what it would be, but if you could imagine what it would be, what would you make up? If you’re going to make up a story anyway, make up a good one. “Well, at the soul level, maybe I was trying to heal my — wow, that’s it. I was trying to heal my lifelong wound of feeling rejected, which I’ve felt since I was seven years old. At a soul level, if my wife and I were functioning at the level of the soul, I was trying to assist her as a cold player, an actor in her story, trying to assist her in doing some healing work herself on feelings of self‐worth and some other aspects of her own life experience that she was trying to heal.” She said, “Do you imagine that two souls could come down to earth and co‐create that way together for purposes of the soul’s evolution, having nothing to do with physical stuff, like another man or she’s scared you’re going to leave, all that kindergarten, sandbox stuff that you make up?” She said to me, “What I call sandbox stories.” I said, “Well, I just never thought about it that way.” She said, “Well, think about it that way, because if you think about life as a physical experience, you’re going to come up with stories to beat the band, none of which will be true. But if you can think of life as a spiritual experience, you won’t invent weird stories. You will come up with spiritual truth that will allow you to see deeply inside of every event and call forth the actual purpose and evolutionary level for that event. That will allow you past the need for forgiveness, right straight to understanding.” She said to me, “When understanding comes in, forgiveness goes out.”

Jennifer: Past forgiveness to understanding. Neale: Yeah. See, when you understand why a person did something, you don’t need to forgive them

anymore. That doesn’t mean you condone it. You don’t necessarily condone the behavior, but you do understand it. When you understand it, forgiveness is no longer necessary, because you say, “You know what? I understand. I understand how you could have done such a thing,” or I understand what caused this experience to occur. I understand. So understanding is the eraser of forgiveness.

Jennifer: It feels like compassion and acceptance are kind of on the heels of that too.


Neale: And that’s why God doesn’t have to forgive us, by the way. Someone said to me in a lecture

two years ago, “Why do you teach about a God who doesn’t punish and a God who doesn’t judge?” I said, “Why would God punish or judge anything if she understands perfectly well why we did a certain thing?” One of the greatest moments of my life was when I broke my mother’s vase from the Old Country. She had told us all, the kids in the house, for years, “Don’t touch the vase. It’s from my mother’s mother’s mother’s mother, like four generations back, and now it’s on my mantelpiece. It’s from the Old Country.” It was a beautiful piece of porcelain, and of course nobody touched it, except I did. I got up there. I couldn’t resist it anymore, this beautiful thing sitting on top of the mantelpiece. I got up on a little stool, reached over. I wanted to see what all the shooting match was about. I wanted to know about that. So I picked it up and looked at it and of course, naturally, dropped it on the hearth. Now in a million pieces, and my mother’s in the kitchen, and she heard it of course. I heard her coming into the room, and I thought, “My life has just ended.”

I must have been about seven, maybe six or seven, maybe eight. Not even that old really,

probably around six. She came in, and she saw her heirloom in 150 pieces on the hearth, and she saw me in 150 pieces next to the hearth. She saw that I had broken myself. I was destroyed. I was distraught. I didn’t know what to say to her. The look on my face must have been just devastated. I mean, I obviously was beside myself. At that point, I think she even saw on my face, I wasn’t even worried about getting a spanking or being punished. I was just horrified that I had broken my mother’s honored piece of porcelain. She saw that on my face, and I’ll never forget that moment. It’s a defining moment of my life. She got down on her haunches, put her arms on my shoulders, put her face at my level. She said, “Sweetheart, look at me. Look at me.” I was starting to cry. She said, “Don’t cry.” She said, “Look in my eyes.” I looked in her eyes. She said, “That’s a vase, and you’re my son. Which do you think is more valuable to me?” Pause, pause, pause. Silence, silence, silence. Then she said, “Go outside and play.” You see, my mother understood. Six years old, he didn’t mean to do it. When understanding comes in, forgiveness goes out.

Jennifer: That’s so beautiful. So we have an opportunity, then, to look at the things that have happened

to us, that have become the stories of our life, and the whole class tonight feels to me like it’s been about going inside and being honest with ourselves, going inside and paying attention and noticing. This feels like another aspect, the soul reason of the story.

Neale: Yeah. Not only paying attention to ourselves but noticing who we really are. In other words,

it’s about noticing I’m a spiritual being having a spiritual experience. I am not this body. This body is not who I am. It’s simply something I have. Again, this body is not who I am. It’s something I have. The I that has this body is the spiritual being, and the spiritual being is here with this physical body on this planet for a reason, having nothing to do with get the guy, get the girl, get the car, get the job, get the house, get the promotion, get the office in the corner, get the bigger house, get the kids, get the grandkids, get the gray hair, get the sickness and get the hell out. No. That’s just our story. That’s just our story.

Once upon a time, you see — that’s just our story, but the spirit that I am is here for another

reason altogether, for the evolution of the human spirit and of the human soul, that it might know itself as who it really is in its own experience. Everything that occurs, everything, the broken vase, the deserting wife, the guy who lied to you and to whom you lied, everything is a


part of that reality, and everything that occurs has a purpose in the process of the evolution of the human soul. When we look at it from the place that I call soul logic, the logic of the soul, we see that not only is forgiveness unnecessary. Understanding no longer becomes necessary, because knowing replaces both, the knowing of the soul.

I realize now in retrospect — that lady who was my wife, she’s since passed on, I’m sorry to

say. She’s left her body, but that lady, who was my wife at that time, and I obviously had a soul contract. I don’t want to start talking very, very woo‐woo stuff now. People say, “Oh, wow. Neale is a very kind of woo‐woo guy.” Actually I am, because I realize that my former wife and I, my late wife and I had a contract, and I have a contract with everyone. I have a contract with Jennifer. I have a contract with everybody on this telephone call. I have a contract with everyone in my life. Some are big players. Some are bit players, but all are players in my story, and I’m all players in theirs. It’s a different story. It’s the story of the soul.

I wrote a book about this called The Little Soul and the Sun. It’s a children’s book. It talks all

about this. So I now see the occurrences of my life and the events of my life within the context of the contracts that I hold with other people. If I don’t understand what the contract says, if I didn’t read the fine print, all I have to do is look at the events of my life, and those events will reveal the fine print if I look at them from a spiritual perspective, if I get up on a different mountain top. What I understand about that is that my perspective creates my perception. That is, what I see depends on where I’m standing, and my perception creates my beliefs. That is, seeing is believing, and my beliefs create my behaviors. That is, all behaviors emerge from a belief, and my behaviors produce my experience. That is, every experience I’ve had emerges from a behavior that I’ve exhibited. When I follow the string back to perspective, to the home of the soul, the living of my life is remarkably different from what it ever was before, and that’s the end of my story.

Jennifer: That is beautiful. We’ve got a really interesting question. If anyone else has a question that

they’d like to ask, if you’re interactive with Neale tonight, you’re welcome to press star 2. Star 2 will raise your hand. Question online from Caroline, she says — and it’s very much along what you’re talking about, and I love it when people give real life examples. So she says, “How do we deal with deep regret that we didn’t make certain choices in our life, how to deal with the shame and humiliation, how to deal with the demon called comparing yourself to others and thinking you are less than them?”

Neale: There’s no one‐size‐fits‐all answer to questions like that, although I can take a stab at it. I’d

almost. I’d almost have to know what the regret is about, but I want to say that shame and guilt are the only enemies of man. There’s no reason to feel ashamed or guilty about really anything. When we look at our lives from the perspective of the soul, the soul is ashamed of nothing, because the soul understands that many of the choices and decisions we’ve made, in fact all of them, have inured to our benefit ultimately, in the sense that it has created a step forward in the evolution of the soul itself.

So what I would say to that person, Caroline, if Caroline was with me in a counseling session, I

would say, “Caroline, did you learn anything? Did you learn anything at all?” She might say, “Well, yeah. I learned plenty.” I’d say, “Great. What did you learn?” She might tell me, if she was open enough, exactly what she learned. Among other things, she might have learned never to make that decision again, never to make that kind of choice again, never to miss the


boat or not catch the golden ring or whatever it is that she didn’t do that she deeply regrets. “Did you learn anything from that?” She might say, “Yeah.” I’d say, “Great. Then victory is yours.” She’d say, “What? What? Neale, I don’t understand. You didn’t listen to me, Neale. I told you that I deeply regret not having done this thing,” or having done this thing. “You didn’t hear me. I deeply regret it.” I’d say, “No, no, no. I hear you, but you’re not getting the value. See? Did you learn anything?” “Yes. I told you what I learned out of it.” “Great. Then you’re the victor. What do you suppose you’re doing here? What do you imagine your life is about? Your life is not about learning in the classic sense of the word, but it is about remembering and then demonstrating who you really are. Therefore, every event is a victory. When you hold it as a defeat and something about which you should feel guilty or ashamed, it is because you simply misunderstand what occurred there, from a soul perspective, because you’re living your life as if you were a human being.” From a human perspective, it’s like, “Oh, man, I missed out. I should have done that. I can’t believe. Oh, my God. I regret. I can’t believe it.”

For instance, just to use an example that I used earlier — this is a small one. Compared to

Caroline’s life experience, this is nothing, but I’m just going to use it as an example. When I was terribly, terribly hurtful to my friend of 20 years, I could go around feeling guilty and shameful about that, shamed about it for the rest of my life, but if I had Neale sitting in front of me, I’d say, “Neale, did you learn anything from that?” “Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I sure did. I sure did learn.” “Well, then what’s the problem?” Well, the problem is I hurt somebody or, the problem is I missed an opportunity, or the problem is I feel guilty because so‐and‐so. And Neale would say, “Oh, wow. You’re making that all up. That’s your story. You’re making that all up. How does it serve you? How does it serve you to hang on to that story?” What if that wasn’t true? Where would you go without that story? Where would you be without that story, that you’re supposed to feel guilty and ashamed and embarrassed about this event? How does it serve you to hold on to that when it’s not even true, by the way? I could understand if it was true. It’s not even true. In fact you’re simply looking at it the wrong way.

Jennifer: That gets back to the whole reason for the story too. It’s the same idea, yes? Yeah, okay. Neale: Exactly. Take a look at what’s really going on here. If I had Caroline in a counseling session,

we’d work her out of that in about 20 minutes. She would then see that every moment of her life has been a wonderful victory.

Jennifer: Beautiful. I don’t know if Caroline’s on the call, but Caroline, if you are, you’re welcome to

raise your hand by pressing star 2. She might just be on the webcast. No one has raised their hand, so you’re welcome to raise your hand and ask Neale a question. Neale is absolutely willing to take you through a mini session here. So if you would like to work with Neale, please press star 2, and we’d be happy to take your call.

Neale: Maybe there’s nobody listening. Jennifer: They’re all listening. I just think they’re a little nervous about — oh, there’s one. There’s

someone who just raised their hand, and we’re going to go ahead and unmute. This is Manchester, MCA, Missouri. Last four digits are 9841. You’re on the air.

Laura: Hello. I’m so grateful to be on this call with you tonight, Neale and Jennifer. I just found out

an hour before the call that a close friend of mine of 20 years passed on yesterday morning.


Your book, Home with God, helped me so much in the process another time when I lost a loved one. I find it so parallel that you just mentioned about your late wife and what you said. Is there anything you can share about the shift that’s going on on the planet and a person who was really into the shift, and he really wanted to be here for the 12‐21‐2012 graduation, and now he’s gone? Is there anything that you would share to help me at this moment?

Neale: Sure. It’s okay, sweetheart. May I know your first name, please? Laura: Laura. Neale: Laura. Sweetheart, this morning at 2:00 in the morning I finished writing a book about this

subject. Laura: Really? Neale: The 2012 experience and the whole topic that you just raised, that is, that particular larger

topic that you just opened here. I finished that book at 2:00 this morning. The book is called The Storm Before the Calm. You’ll be able to buy the book in the fall, but Laura, if you send me your email address, I will send you a manuscript copy of it.

Laura: Oh, really? Oh, my gosh. Thank you. Neale: I only ask you one thing. It’ll be an electronic copy. Please don’t start sharing it on the

Internet and sending it around, because if you do — Laura: I would never do that. I’ve read every one of your books that you’ve ever written to this point,

except for The Motherhood of Invention, which I bought and haven’t read yet. Neale: Yeah. Part of the reason I wrote that story is — it’s a 0 coincidence. It’s a total non‐

coincidence that I would finish that book on the day you call me with this question. I’m struck by the coincidence. I will email you the manuscript copy of that book if you promise me on your soul of honor that you won’t share it on the Internet with other people. I don’t care if you print it out and give it to some friends. That doesn’t matter to me.

Laura: I won’t show it to anyone. Absolutely, I promise. Neale: When you finish reading the book, with regard to the 2012 phenomena, you will have your

answer. You will understand exactly what’s going on in the world right now, at least from my point of view, and also how to deal with it. So now, with regard to why your friend would depart and choose not to, even though he had made clear he wanted to, be able to deal with it, I’m not able to get into, nor would I presume, to try to get inside the motivation or the reason of the purpose of another person’s soul. I couldn’t possibly, but I would ask you some questions about why you co‐created that experience with you, because you I can deal with. You’re right here on the phone with me. So are you willing to engage in the process with me, a little soul watching process?

Laura: I would like that. Thank you.


Neale: Okay, Laura. Now, I’m going to ask you a series of seven questions. You can answer them anyway you wish. The first question, do you believe in God?

Laura: Oh, absolutely. Neale: Great. Second question, do you believe in the existence of the human soul? Laura: Yes. Neale: Wonderful. Third question, what, then, is your understanding of the relationship between

your soul and God? Laura: Well, we are one. Neale: Thank you. Question number four, since you are one, I ask you this question. Can anything

happen to God that God does not want to have happen? That is, can God be victimized in any way?

Laura: No. Neale: Fifth question, since you are one with God, can you be victimized in any way? Laura: No. Neale: Sixth question, if that’s true, then why, if you are not victimized by this circumstance, would

you have created this circumstance? Why would you have co‐created with your friend the circumstance of his departure prior to the 2012 experience that he was apparently looking forward to participating in? That is, what is the benefit to you of having co‐created that with him?

Laura: That is a very potent question. Neale: It’s the most important question of your life, Laura. Laura: Yes. May I ponder that? Neale: What are you thinking? Laura: I’m lost in it. I’m immersed in it. I feel the beauty and the blessedness of it. I can’t believe the

question. It’s so perfect. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Neale. Neale: Well, you’re very welcome, because when you look at things from the perspective of your soul

— remember this, Laura. Always remember this. When you look at life from the perspective of the soul, all things are healed.

Laura: Yes. Neale: Now, what you want to do is to send me your email address. My email address is


[email protected]. Pretty easy to remember. Write to me, and I will send you the book. You’ll have it in your hands tonight. You can start reading it, and it should bring you a deep insight, from my point of view at least, with regard to your larger question of what is going on on the planet right now. The book is called The Storm Before the Calm.

Laura: Thank you so much. I am beyond grateful. You are so wonderful. Thank you. I’m very touched.

Jennifer: Thank you so much. That whole connection that all of us just experienced, it feels like it

expanded all of us. The synchronicity that just happened in that moment, the answer that just happened in that moment and the honest respect that you both have for each other opened my heart and, I believe, opened many other hearts to this caller. Thank you, thank you, thank you. There certainly are no accidents, are there?

Neale: No. Jennifer: Thank you, Laura. Neale: Accidents are impossible in the kingdom of God. Jennifer: Thank you, Neale. We’ve kind of gone past our time again, but it was worth every second of it.

Thank you for sharing with us about the really interesting insights about habits, patterns and stories and how they’re kind of here for us, all of them, and for us to explore and expand. It’s the soul’s journey, and it just feels like it took all the pressure off, understanding that these habits, patterns and stories are here for us. The habits are guiding us. The patterns are revealing to us — it’s what you said — what emerges from the pattern, and then our stories are also here guiding us, the soul reason for — it gives us an opportunity to explore the soul reason for our relationships. Just wonderful, wonderful content. Thank you so much.

Neale: Jennifer, I want to close with a thought from the book Happier than God. God said to me,

“Consider the possibility that nothing bad has ever happened to you, nor will anything bad ever happen to you in the future. You’re simply calling it that out of your lack of understanding.”

Jennifer: Beautiful. Thank you as always, Neale. We’re looking forward to hanging out, again, next

Tuesday for our next beautiful call. Thank so much. Thanks, everyone, for showing up. I’m just going to open up the lines quickly for everyone to say a quick goodbye. Thanks, everyone, for showing up. Love you guys.

[End of Discussion]


FURTHER INFORMATION

www.McLeanMasterWorks.com


www.masterworkshealing.com

www.bigbookofyoublog.com

Host

Jennifer McLean

Special Guest

Neale Donald Walsch

Internationally renowned New York Times bestselling author of the Conversations With God series, now translated into 34 languages. www.NealeDonaldWalsch.com

Specializing in Electronic Publishing, Media Production, Marketing Research, Business Communications & Prerecorded Captioning Transcription. www.PremierTranscription.com | [email protected]

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www.NealeDonaldWalsch.com


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