Presented by: NameMonth XX, 2012

A Parents Guide to Bullying

Insert logo of speaker’s organization

Insert host logo

Insert local partners’ logo

Bullying is in the news

What is bullying?

• Bullying involves:– An imbalance of power– The intent to cause harm– Repetition

• Bullying does not have to be physical, and it is not something only boys do.

• Children often are bullied and are the bully at different times

Types of bullying

• Verbal– Name-calling, teasing, slurs

• Social– Spreading rumors, sabotaging friendships

• Physical– Hitting, pushing, pranks

• Online (cyberbullying)– Social or verbal attacks via internet, phone

Bullying can be particularly intense in early adolescence

• Kids are changing faster in these years than at any time since infancy.

• They're trying to figure out not only how their bodies work but who they are going to be and where they fit in.

• That's why they can be so desperate to be like everyone else, and so surprisingly cruel to anyone who's different.

Kids may be targets of bullying just because they are different

As a 14-year-old girl told NPR about why middle schools try so hard not to stand out:

"No matter who you are or what you do you'll get made fun of for it—anything in the world. It can be hard to do even the smallest thing because someone could tease you or judge you for it."

Differences targeted by bullies

• Ethnicity• Early development• Race• Religion• Interests• Body type• Mannerisms• Clothing

Risks for being bullied

• Social awkwardness• Unpopularity• Few or no friends• Atypical gender identity• Low self esteem• Depression or anxiety

Risks for bullying others

• Social power• Outsized concern with popularity• Domineering attitude

Risks for bullying others

Others at risk for bullying others are more isolated from their peers and:• Have low self esteem• Are less involved in school• Are easily pressured by peers• Do not identify with the emotions or feelings

of others

Risks for bullying others

Other risk factors for bullying others include the following:•Limited parental involvement•Impulsivity•Difficulty following instruction•Interest in violence

NOT risk factors:

• Location: Bullying happens everywhere.

School Size: The percentage of kids being bullied does not vary based on school size.

Gender: Boys and girls are just as likely to be involved in bullying.

Warning signs of bullying

Some signs are easy to see, but many can be confused for other problems. A child who is being bullied at school may:•Appear forgetful or more likely to “lose” things at school•Have unexplained injuries•Complain frequently of headaches and stomachaches•Have trouble sleeping or frequent bad dreams•Have changes in eating habits•Self-injure•Lose interest in hanging out or talking with friends•Speak of feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, even suicide•Show no signs at all

Signs a child is bullying others

It is difficult to hear that your child is behaving cruelly; it’s also hard to see signs of this at home. Kids who bully:•Have friends who bully others•Have money or belongings that cannot be explained•Will not accept responsibility for their actions•Get into physical or verbal fights with others•Are often sent to the principal’s office or detention•Are quick to blame others•May show no signs at all

How can I stop bullying?

• Explain different types of bullying to your child– Children and adolescents need to know that they can get help

even if they aren’t in physical danger

• Keep lines of communication easy and open– If kids know you are there and receptive, they are more likely to

report bullying behavior

• Encourage your child to pursue interests– Kids engaged in hobbies and group activities learn social skills,

make friends, and are less likely to be bullied—or bully others themselves

How can I stop bullying?

• Teach your child not to ignore episodes of bullying– 4 of 5 episodes of bullying are witnessed by other kids.

Speaking up is the most effective way to stop bullying

• Remind your child to seek help from a trusted adult– Deciding beforehand who a child can go to in the event of

bullying increases the likelihood he or she will

• Stay engaged with your child’s school– A key risk factor for being bullied or bullying is a disengaged

family.

What can I do if my child is being bullied?• Talk with your child and show you care• Discuss solutions together• Help your child develop coping strategies• Find allies• BE PERSISTENT• Document ongoing bullying• Consider other possible problems

Work with the school

• Know the school policies– Knowing what to expect from the school can help both you and

your child navigate the situation• Form a partnership

– Don’t be afraid to reach out to school personnel• Explore what the school can provide

– School-based professionals may be available to help both bullied and bullying students

• Keep track of the situation– Bullying is by definition an ongoing process, and stopping it

requires a commitment to remain vigilant

Some helpful don’ts

• DO NOT tell your child to ignore the bullying• DO NOT blame your child for being bullied• DO NOT encourage your child to harm the

person who is bullying them• DO NOT demand or expect a quick solution

What can I do if my child is a bully?• Make it clear to your child that you take bullying seriously

– Much bullying behavior arises from a lack of social knowledge on the part of kids; have a conversation about your values

• Develop clear and consistent rules for your child’s behavior• Spend more time with your child

– Engaged parents are the best antidote to bullying behavior• Be aware of who your child’s friends are

– Friends who bully are a big risk factor for bullying behavior• Build on your child’s talents and positive attributes

– Group activities foster social learning and self-esteem• Develop a strategy with your child’s school to limit the behavior• Commit to working with child in partnership to end bullying• Explain that bullying is an unfortunate thing that does not need to

happen while growing up

What can I do to prevent cyberbullying?

• Talk about the digital world– Many kids are more uninhibited online, both with what they

share and what the say.– Tell kids that they can get hurt online, and hurt others, just like in

the offline world• Be aware of where your children go online

– Spending time online together is a good way to monitor your child’s use and teach them about the web

• Develop and enforce rules– Computers and phones may not seem as “real” as the offline

world, but consequences must be applied all the same

What can I do if I think my child is being cyberbullied?

• Tell your child not to respond – Things on the Web last forever

• Document ongoing cyberbullying– Save posts and record screen names

• Block the person who is bullying your child• Be aware that your child may be resistant to

telling you– He or she may worry about losing communication

devices such as a laptop, phone or access to social networking sites such as Facebook.

What if it gets to be too much?• If someone is at immediate risk of harm, call the police (911)

• If your child is feeling suicidal, contact the suicide prevention hotline (800-273-TALK)

– Just because a child is bullied does not mean he or she is thinking of harming him or herself, but that parents need to consistently check in regarding this to ensure safety

• If your child’s teacher is not keeping your child safe, contact the principal or superintendent

• If your school is not keeping your child safe, contact your state’s Department of Education

• If your child is sick, stressed, not sleeping, or experiencing other problems, contact your child’s school counselor or another health or mental health professional

• If your child is bullied because of their race, ethnicity, or disability and local help is not working, contact the US Department of Education’s Office on Civil Rights

Additional Resources

• www.stopbullying.gov• [Include your contact information]• [Add information on resources in your

area]

Learn more about bullying on childmind.org

Thank you for joining us to

Speak Up for Kids!