Working with children

September 2013

Marie Louise Hoogveld

Better Care Network Netherlands

Knowledge Experience

COLLECT

COMBINE

ADVISESHARE

ACCESSABLE

The rights of the Child

Admitting that the child, for the total en harmonic development of his personality, has to grow up in a family-environment in an atmosphere of happiness, love en comprehension.

http://www.unicef.org/crc/

What is better care: our vision

• Prevent that children will be separated of their parents by giving help to families .

• Keep children in their own environment by help in their own family, community or neighborhood .

• Bring children without parental care to family or foster family .

• If a children home is the best option : small groups and stable care takers

• If Possible re-unite children with parents or other family members .

• Protect the rights of children and keep their interest always above the rights of volunteers and the organization.

Activities

• Networkmeetings

• Workinggroups

• Website

• E-Newsletter

• Goodpractices

• Library for (inter)nationaldocuments

• Training for PI

• PROJECT: Volunteerwork

What do volonteers know about:

• Handle children who are abused.

• Handle children who do not live with their parents.

• Handle children who have lived on the street.

• Effects of stress on the development of children.

• ????????

• Interviews withvolonteers and and thosewhoare involvedwiththem.

• Interviews with the targetgroup and receivingorganizations.

• Do’s and Dont’slist.

• Leafletfor volonteers.

Research Project

News from abroad

Silent heros

or

Naïvedabblers

Kenya

South Africa

Peru

KINDEREN

ORGANISATIES

Additionalhelp

Attention

Flexible

Creative

Male volonteers

Silent Heroes Dabblers

• Leaflet for volonteers

• Training

Developing:

• Leaflet for sending organizations

• Guidelines for receiving

organizations

Products

What must a volonteer knowknow?• Codes of conducts

• Which tasks do I perform and which I don’t ?

• How do I handle the children in the project?

• Why do children behave like they do?

Attachment What’s that?

• A child is born helpless

• How can we take care of them, that they survive en they will develop themselves?

• http://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources

/multimedia/videos/three_core_concepts/

Attachment and Bondage

• “There is no such thing as a baby. There is only a mother and child couple” (Winnicott 1958)

• “ Children survive by attachment ” (Bowlby)

Attachment is a surviving strategy !

CHILD

PARENT

ATTACHMENTBONDING

• Nearly all children are attached at the age of 7 months, mostly to a small group of people .

How does that work ?

SAFE Attachment

Baby plays

and reacts

on the

caretaker

Baby

rests

Baby

experiences

discomfort and

hunger

Baby protests

mostly by crying

Baby calms

down and

trusts the

caretaker

Caretaker reacts mostly by

picking Up, hugging and

taking care etc.

The caretaker says and thinks …

_You are special

– I Think you are important !

– I always think about you

– I love you

Normal attachment•

• Baby: knows already soon difference between different faces.

• 3 months: reacts on every human contact and is OK with a stranger. The person you don’t see does not exist.

• 6-7 months: special attachment to one or two people is feeling unhappy until that person comes back

• 10 tot 18 months:Intensive attachmentSeparation anxietyIs crying until a special person comes backWhat you don’t see does still exist: crying is

helpful

• 2½ until 3 years: stable attached so can explore the environment

• 3 until 5 years: can save themselves in the outside worldand feels safe in new situations .

ATTACHMENT: HOW THIS OCCURS

Pint of view from the child

Needs

Disconfort

Needs

Fulfilled

Quiet Trust

Safety

Bonding

BONDING: HOW THIS OCCURS

Point of view from the adult

Parent gives positive

attention

Self Confidence

Self Esteem

Child reacts positive

What happens if you can’t trust the caretakers or you cannot predict their behaviour? If children experience stress ?

or

There are all the time new primary caretakers like volunteers for 3 weeks , placement students for 2 months ? http://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/multimedia/videos/three_core_concepts/toxic_stress/

= UNSAFE BONDINGBaby

rests

Baby playsalone

and stops

withreactions

Baby gives up the

confidence and

develops anger

Caretakerreactsevery

time different orangry

Baby crieslouder

Caretaker does not

react or reacts not

regularly

Baby protests

and cries

Babydoes

notfeelwell

• Safe: the child trust thatcaretakerswillreact on his needs

• Fearful: The child is unsureif the caretakerswillreact on his needs

• Avoiding : The childbelievesthat the caretakerswillreactwithrefusal.

• Desorganized: The child is is in confusionabout the reactions of the caretakers .

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4 ways of attachment

Core beliefs of children

Safe

•I: I amgoodwanted, important worthwile to beloved .

•caretakers : Theyreact well on myneeds , they are sensitive to betrusted and stable and caring

•Life : the world is safe anditis worthtwileto live:

Unsafe

•I: ik am bad , notwanted, without hope and notworthwile to beloved.

•Caretakers : Theydon’tunderstandmyneeds, not sensitive, not to betrusted, theycanharmyou.

•Life: The world is unsafe, life is painful and a burden.

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Attachment problems

Behaviour

•Attacking or defending

•Destructive

•LieingandsteelingAgressive , abusing

•Hyperactive

•Selfdestructive

•Cruel to animals

•Irresponsible

•Making fires

Emotions

•Intense fears and bad moods

•Sad, depressiveandwithout hope

• Unstable

•Afraid for everything

•Quickly irritated

• Wrong reaction on events .

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Attachment problems

Thougts

• Is thinking bad abouthimself, aboutrelations andabout life in general ,

•Doesnotunderstandcauseandconsequence

• Attention andlearningproblems .

Relations

• No trust

•Bossy

•Manipulative

•Doesnotgive or receiveaffection

•Doesnot make anydifferencebetweenpeople, is running toeverybody

•Changingfriendsall the time

•Blamesotherpeopleforownmistakesandproblems

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Attchment problems

Physically

•bad hygiene

•Don’twant to betouched.

•Bed peeing and pantspooping

•manyaccidents

•High pain threshold

•Depressive or hyperactive

Moral/ Spiritual

• No selfconfidence

•nocompassion.

•Does notunderstandthe differencebetweengoodand bad.

•Identificationwith the evil and dark side of life

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• Independence and autonomy.

• Can cope with problems.

• Can regulate impulses and feelings .

• Can build up stable relationships with caretakers , parents and other guiding persons.

• Social behavior in different situations .

• Trust intimacy and affection .

• Belief in himself and society .

• Empathy compassion .

• Good behavior and good performance in education

• Attachment with own children

Safely attached children are doing better :

“We are herefortwo weeks in the children home and thereis onechildwhat does notreactonothers

Marjadecided to take care of the child, she is the wholedage busywith her and the childstayswith her the wholetime

It is Marvelous to seethat the child starts to feel more safe

“We are leaving time is up.

When we are drivingaway we hear the littlechildcrieing: “Mami, mami".

Howdifficult is that.”

vulnerable children

Repeated separation

Aids orphantourism:

“A threat to youngchildren in residential care” (2010)