Pregnancy Attachment and the Need to Create

Memories

Julie Brooks, RN, BSN

Why perinatal death can be complicated

• The suddenness and unexpected

nature of the loss

• The way infant death is socially

defined in our society

“When a person is born we rejoice, and when they marry we jubilate, but when they die

we pretend nothing happened.”

(Margaret Mead)

Attachment/Bonding Concepts

• Planning the pregnancy

• Confirming the pregnancy

• Accepting the pregnancy

• Feeling the pregnancy

• Accepting the fetus as an individual

Grief is experienced in relation to the significance of the attached

*Each family that experiences perinatal loss will

have unique feelings about the pregnancy.

*Understanding what the pregnancy means to is

the foundation for understanding pregnancy loss.

What happens when there is perinatal loss and how can we

help?

It is critical that the caregiver allow the

family to guide their own journey of grief

rather than attempt to have a recipe for

every situation.

Grieving is not a process of forgetting but rather of remembering.

• Bereaved parents need time to say “hello”

before they can say “good-bye”

• Give information in small doses

• Parents may not know what memories will be

important to them later

Memory Making/Offering Choices

• Assisting with memory-making can be one

of the most important things we can to help

parents process their grief.

• Creating Memories

– Holding their baby

– Photographs

– Mementos (Door card, Blessing Card , clothing, Memory Box)

– Support for families and follow up

Holding their baby, no matter the gestational age.

Seeing, holding, and touching may confirm for a parent the

reality of the baby’s death and create memories for the

future.

Photographs provide a lasting memory of what the

baby looked like. This is a one-time chance to create the

visual memory that must last a lifetime for the parents.

Don’t forget the siblings!!!

Children are disadvantaged grievers.

Follow Up!!!• Essential to a bereavement program

• Contacts are intended to let families know

they are still thought about at times we know

are difficult to for them (e.g., anniversary date)

• Keeps communication channels open and

allows families to ask questions, seek advice

• Ideal times…within 1 week, at 3 weeks,

between 6-10 months, at the anniversary date