POCKET POWER

WHEN

DOORS CLOSE

ftzelden@

WHEN DOORS CWSEFirst published October, 1986.

Copyright @ 1986, Hazelden Foundation.All rights reserved. No portion of this

publication may be reproduced in any mannerwithout the written permission of the

publisher.

ftzelden@

There's a saying that when one door closesanother always opens. This adage recognizesthere are times when life seems to put obstaclesin our paths, when all avenues appear blocked,and we're stuck. It also recognizes that suchtimes can lead to new success and happiness, ifwe're only willing to look around and see whatother doors are open to us. There is always atleast one other door - often many. Feelingstuck is simply our perception of what's hap-pening in our lives. When we change our per-ceptions, we discover we're not stuck at all.

Addiction and recovery are fine examples ofclosed and open doors. For years we used andabused drugs because they made us feel betterabout ourselves and our world. Then our addic-tions turned on us. We could no longer find thepleasure or relief we used to find from alcoholor other drugs. For most of us, the doorsseemed to close with a bang when we hit bot-tom.

When we hit bottom we didn't know what todo. We were stuck on the merry-go-round ofuse, denial, and addiction. Our lives seemedpermanently ruined; we were hopeless and help-less. We thought we had nowhere to turn. But

ISBN: 0-89486-410-6

Printed in the United States of America.

Editor's Note:Hazelden Educational Materials offers a vari-

ety of information on chemical dependency andrelated areas. Our publications do not necessar-ily represent Hazelden or its programs, nor dothey officially speak for any 1WelveStep organi-zation.

Page 1

we know now, looking back, that this percep-tion was wrong.

Our despair somehow led us to the process ofrecovery. We may have sought help on our own,or our employer, the courts, or a loved one mayhave insisted we enter a treatment program. Wemay not even be sure how it happened, but itdid. No matter how it happened, a door wehadn't even known was there suddenly opened,and we stepped through to a new, productive,and satisfying way of life.

When we first begin recovery, we get a newlease on life; it's as if we've been reborn. As ourminds clear, we awaken to the opportunitiesaround us that we're now ready to act on. Wehave the ability to pursue dreams we once onlythought about.

We often expect only good things will happento us now that we're clean and sober, althoughthe program certainly doesn't promise this. Infact, many people ,experience a "honeymoon"when they begin recovering. Many of our prob-lems begin to clear up; we may reunite with ourfamilies; the employer who threatened to fire usmay welcome us back to work. Our financialproblems may clear up. We may find a newgroup of friends, and more importantly, have anew way of life that will bring the peace of mindwe always wanted.

Eventually the honeymoon ends, however. Aswe go about our daily affairs and begin to livefuller lives, we find it doesn't all go smoothly.Open doors suddenly close in our faces.

For instance, we may feel ready to make alucrative career change, but we discover the jobisn't available or someone else was hired. Ourheart maybe set on movingto a newapartment .

or location, but we are unable to do so. Vaca-tion or travel plans may be interrupted. We maythink we've found our lifelong partner, only tohave the romance end suddenly and unpleas-antly. We often go through periods when alldoors seem closed. Our best plans go awry, nomatter how hard we work. Such times are in-credibly frustrating.

The solution is to find the open door. Ourown stories of addiction and recovery containthe keys to finding and opening new doors, andthe Twelve Steps provide the method.

When a door closes, we can take constructiveaction rather than spending our emotions de-structively. We can turn closed doors into pow-erfullearning experiences. We can move aheadand stop spinning our wheels by drawing on the1WelveSteps. When we understand the circum-stances around us, we can build a foundationthat allows us to decide what to do next.

Page 2 Page 3

First Things First

Just as it was necessary to accept our addic-tion before recovery could really begin, we mustaccept closed doors and recognize our power-lessness. Step One isn't limited to our addiction;we can use it in any situation. The more weapply Step One, the less often we'll feel stuck.

If, for instance, we don't get a job we wanted,we can accept our powerlessness over the situa-tion. The job isn't ours, no matter how much wewished for it, and there's nothing we can doabout it. The job rejection can be used as anopportunity to increase our faith that ourHigher Power has something better in store forus - a chance to practice Step Three.

This acceptance and surrender is necessary inany situation: a move that didn't work out, abroken romance, or spoiled vacation plans.When we truly believe and turn our will andlives over to our Higher Power, we can be cer-tain our lives will work.

When a door shuts in our faces, we're likelyto feel depressed about it. Even if we have ac-cepted the fact, we're apt to feel resentful. It'seasy to think our efforts are pointless becausenothing seems to work. The solution to this de-pression is action. Such action can be as simpleas getting up and fixing breakfast or as compli-

cated as going back to school. Attending moremeetings and reaching out to help others arealso cures for depression.

We can use Step Ten to inventory the situa-tion. When doors shut in our faces we are upsetbecause we are disappointed. It can help to un-derstand what our expectations were. Thking aclose look at our feelings and expectations -preferably in writing - is constructive actionthat clears up depression and points us towardthe open door.

In the case of a job rejection, we might wantto ask ourselves such questions as: Why did Iexpect to get that job? Did I misunderstandsomething the interviewer said? Did I assume Iwas qualified when perhaps I wasn't? Am I will-ing to admit the person who got the job wasmore qualified? Was I reaching too high, basedon my qualifications and experience? Was Idealing in wishful thinking?

Questions like these put the failure in per-spective, if we answer them honestly. The samekinds of questions work well in other circum-stances.

Pride May Be a Problem

We shouldn't overlook pride in our invento-ries. When a door is shut, our egos are likely to

Page 4 Page 5

be wounded. We're apt to feel we deserved bet-ter treatment. Maybe we've bragged to ourfriends about anticipated changes, and now wefeel foolish having to admit we didn't get whatwe wanted. When we see pride getting in ourway, we can use Step Seven and ask God toremove it.

We can also ask ourselves, is that job, apart-ment, or relationship what I truly needed? Orwere these goals merely what I wished I had orthought I should have?

In the early stages of recovery, we often fallinto the trap of doing what we think we should,rather than what we truly want to do. We mayfool ourselves about the kind of work we wantbecause it has prestige or offers a high salary.We may think moving to a particular ~ea willenhance our image, even though we prefer asimpler life-style.

It rarely works to pursue goals only becausewe think we should, rather than because wetruly want them. When things go wrong, wehave an opportunity to look within ourselvesand find our true objectives.

An inventory should include some positivethings too. We may discover we want a particu-lar job or place to live. An inventory can help ustake a closer look at what we have to offer. Thenwe can turn apparent failure into success by de-

Page 6

ciding what needs to be done. For example, wemay need more training or we may need to takea job that will allow us to work up the ladder.We may have to reassess how we're using ourincome, so our spending matches our priorities.

If we discover our objectives conflict withwhat we truly want, we can use this informationto discover what our goals should be. Often wefind clues to what we really want by looking atwhat we already do well. Once we know whatwe want, we can take the appropriate action toaccomplish it.

In either case, we've taken the opportunity tofind out more about ourselves, which is alwaysan advantage.

I)

Being Put On Hold

Other examples of doors closing are thoseperiods when we feel as if we've been put onhold. We feel there's no movement in our lives.In the job world, it often means we wait forsomeone else to make a decision, so we knowwhat to do next. Or, we apply for credit, and thebank takes longer than we think necessary tomake a decision. Our love life seems stagnant -either we don't have a relationship or our cur-rent relationship is going through the doldrums.Even our program and spiritual growth seem to

Page 7

have hit a plateau.It's tempting, but unwise, to force a resolu-

tion during these periods. If we try to kick aparticular door open, we're likely to discoverwe've created more problems than we had in thefirst place. It's also tempting to give up and feelnothing is worth pursuing. This is also a dead-end street. We may give up just before achievingsuccess.

The key to tolerating these periods is patience- sometimes lots of it. After we've done every-thing reasonable, we can only wait hopefully,gracefully, until the situation resolves itself.

A quick way to increase our patience isthrough practicing Step Eleven. Improving ourconscious contact with our Higher Power willresult in clarity and peace of mind. Prayer andmeditation can take many forms. It doesn't al-ways have to be a formal process. Walking inthe woods, listening to calming music, or takinga long, relaxing shower will often still our mindsand renew our sense of connection to ourHigher Power.

We can also use Step lWelve to help us feelunstuck. Reaching out to others is a sure way totake our minds off ourselves. Working with oth-ers puts our own lives in perspective. Sharingour experience, strength, and hope helps us re-alize how far we've come in our recovery. These

Page 8

things get us out of ourselves and tend to stopthe circular thinking that makes us so misera-ble. Even taking a job for our group such asbeing secretary or treasurer puts us back in theposition of giving rather than receiving.

It's also helpful to talk about our frustrationsat meetings and with our sponsors. When weshare experiences, we'll find we're not alone;people who have gone through similar situa-tions will be happy to share their experienceswith us.

".

Doors We Close

Don't overlook the doors we close ourselves.It's easy to assume the door was closed bysomeone or something else. But often we closethem without even realizing it. We may close adoor by failing to follow up on an unexpectedopportunity. Our recovery again provides a con-crete example. Few of us, while using drugs,would have considered the threat of being firedor a conviction for drunk driving to be opportu-nities for recovery. But these negative situationscan work out well. If we refuse chances, wemight shut the door on a new and satisfying wayof life.

The same is true of other situations in ourlives. We may meet someone who says he or she

Page 9

has a job for us. If we don't follow through,we'll never know what kind of opportunity wemissed. Someone may suggest we would enjoyliving in a neighborhood we never consideredbefore. If we don't at least take a look, we maypass up the perfect location. We may get stuckin a rut of only going to certain weekly meet-ings. Trying a new meeting may open up awhole new view of our program. We'll neverknow until we try.

Each day is like a new door opening. We caneither say yes and walk through, or refuse andshut the door. If we're alert, open-minded, andwilling, we'll be able to see the doorways opento us. We need to be flexible and resourceful,rather than stuck in our preconceived notions ofhow life should be.

Summing Up

There are times when doors close - it's a factof life. We don't need to expect them to close,but we shouldn't be surprised when it happens.

And it's true that when one door closes, an-other always opens. We simply have to be will-ing to look, often in new directions, to find theopen door.

Our recovery makes it possible for us to lookfor the newly opened door, to take advantage of

Page 10

it, and to walk through it in confidence. Just aswe found the courage to walk through the opendoor of recovery, we can find the courage toturn our backs on closed doors and move on.

Staying alert and working Steps Ten, Eleven,and 1Welvewill assure our continued growth inthe prpgram and in our lives.

..

Page 11

J}zelden.Hazelden Pocket Power SeriesAccepting Criticism Letting GoOrder No. 53668 Order No. 53518Forgiveness Living the PrinciplesOrder No. 53648 Order No. 53528Freedom from Fear LonelinessOrder No. 12828 Order No. 53638Gratitude Loving RelationshipsOrder No. 13318 Order No. 53538

Great Expectations Miracles in RecoveryOrder No. 53658 Order No. 54028

Honesty PatienceOrder No. 13368 Order No. 53618

Hope Reaching Out to OthersOrder No. 13378 Order No. 54008Humility SerenityOrder No. 13388 Order No. 53628

Inadequacy SurrenderOrder No. 53608 Order No. 54498

Just for Today When Doors CloseOrder No. 13398 Order No. 53548

IFor price and order information, please call one of ourCustomer Service Representatives.

Box 176, Pleasant Valley RoadCenter City, MN 55012

m(800) 328-9000 (Toll Free. U.S. Only)(800) 257-0070 (Toll Free. MN Only)zelden<!> (800) 328-0500 (Toll Free. Film and Video

Educational Materials Orders. U.S. Only)(612) 257-4010 (Alaska and Outside U.S.)

Order No. 5354B ISBN: 0-89486-410-6