OTWO18th Sept. 2012Issue IVolume XIX

The Arts & Culture Supplement of the

University Observer

alSO INSIDE >>Heathers | Jon Wright | Fionn Regan

Pullout:Freshers’

Guide

OTWOtalks to

Ross noble

2

OTWO

VirgoAugust 23rd – September 22nd

With no bar on campus you’ll become so desperate for alcohol that you’ll try

drinking the lake water, convinced it’s full of whiskey. It’s not. It’s full of

swans.

LibraSeptmber 23rd – October 22nd

This is a good time in your life for short trips. May I recommend to the

bathroom, for a shower?

ScorpioOctober 23rd – November 21th

Acknowledge the mistakes you have made in life. You probably should have gone to Trinity. And with no

bars on campus, you can’t even drown your sorrows.

SagittariusNovember 22nd - December 21stOpen yourself up to new sexual

experiences, the key to which lies in the first floor library toilets.

CapricornDecember 22nd – January 19th

Danger is looming. To ensure your safety, avoid the colour red, the

number seven, and the new bar’s construction site.

AquariusJanuary 20th – February 18th

A change of routine can do a world of good. Switch from gin to vodka and

bask in intoxicated bliss.

PiscesFebruary 19th – March 20th

Do not blind people with science. Blind them with the acid that science

creates.

Page 2 – RegularsOtwo’s anonymous whistle-blower lifts the lid on the new Student Centre in this week’s Soapbox, as Mystic Mittens reveals all your mystic mysteries, and we show you where it’s at in What’s Hot and What’s Not.

Page 4 – Otwo AttemptsEmer Surgue tackles the African jungle. Did she survive? Well, yes, she wrote this article.

Page 6 – TravelOtwo looks both home and abroad, with the open Irish road and the cultured city of Bruges making for a diverse travel section.

Page 7 – The First Year ExperienceLucy Montague-Moffat gives us her second impressions of first year life.

Page 8 – GamesTeam Fortress 2’s Man vs Machine and Grey get put under the microscope, while Steven Balbirnie chats to games designer, Dan Pinchbeck.

Page 10 – FilmConor Luke Barry counts down his top ten Woody Allen films, as reviews of Looper, Preium Rush, and To Rome with Love are ac-companied by an interview with Grabbers’ director, Jon Wright, and a look at the genre of time travel films.

Page 14 – CentreConor Luke Barry catches up with the peerless comedian Ross Noble to chat about comedy, his upcoming film Stitches and some lads jumping into the Liffey.

Page 16 – MusicOtwo chats to Heathers, Joshua Radin, Fionn Regan, and Fright-ened Rabbit, while reviews include the latest ventures from The XX, Pet Shop Boys and Bob Dylan. Mixtape honours the New Student Centre with a list of the best songs to work out to, and in their new fortnightly column Heath-ers tell us what they’re all about.

Page 23 – FashionStylist and editor, Aisling Farinella, explains to Anna Burzlaff why the Irish creative hub is alive and well, while the freshers who’ve managed to make all the right sartorial strides make up this is-sue’s fashion spread.

Page 26 – Special FeatureConor O’Nolan gets cosy with former comic book writer and cur-rent novelist, Steve Englehart.

Page 27 – Fatal FourwayThings get ugly as Fatal Fourway battles over the best returning TV series.

contents

the University Observer

Volume XIXIssue I

Telephone: (01) 716 3119/3120Email: info@universityobserver.ie

www.universityobserver.ie

EditorEmer Sugrue

Deputy EditorAoife Valentine

Art, Design & Technology DirectorConor Kevin O’Nolan

Chief DesignerGary Kealy

Otwo EditorsConor Luke BarryAnna Burzlaff

Music EditorEmily Mullen

Fashion EditorMichael Madigan

Games EditorSteven Balbirnie

Chief PhotographerCaoimhe McDonnell

ContributorsDavid ConnollyStephen ConnollyDavid FarrellNiall GoskerHeathersEmily LongworthLucy Montague-MoffatCoiré McCrystallSaoirse Ní ChiaragáinEvan O’QuigleyJack Walsh

Special ThanksGuy, Colm, Orla and Rory at MCD Promo-tions, Laura, Chantal, Caroline and Amy at Universal, Ci-aran at Warner Music, Seamus, Oswald and Puddles

AriesMarch 21st - April 19th

Love is on the horizon for you this fortnight. Whether this will be love

of a tall dark stranger or a small dark Yorkie bar, only time and your

waistband will tell.

TaurusApril 20th – May 20th

If you are unsure that your current approach to a problem is the best one,

don’t pretend that you have all the answers. Mittens can help you out.

The answer is Swordfish.

GeminiMay 21st – June 20th

The next two weeks will be filled with luck for you, so spend all your grant

money on lottery tickets. It’s the only sensible move.

CancerJune 21st – July 22nd

A new year, and fresh start. Mittens predicts that you will stick to your

promise and attend all your lectures and tutorials and spend at least an hour in the library every day. Hah,

only joking. You’re going to fail.

LeoJuly 23rd – August 22nd

Trying to lose weight? Instead of calorie counting, just switch all your meals to the Main Restaurant. The price and soggy mystery stew will

mean the pounds melt off in no time.

Mystic Mittens’

feline fortunes

3

OTWO

WHAT’S HOT AND WHAT’S NOT

WHAT’S HOT

WHAT’S nOT

As the cracks in the Student Centre already begin to show, Otwo reveals why UCD’s biggest project isn’t as great as they keep telling us it is

OTWO

soapbox

“It’s a new age in leisure provision; the standards and spec are the highest in the country.” This is what UCD would like you to believe about the new Student Centre, with its many fancy facilities. However, it’s quite possible that never has such propaganda been showered upon such learned minds.

Is it little wonder the centre is as badly designed as it is? A little known fact is that the original plans for the building were drawn up using beer mats by Hugh Brady and Martin Butler over pints in Kiely’s. They only came up with the idea of a swimming pool once they’d spilt one too many G&Ts.

For such a massively expensive project, which took so many years to fi nally open its doors, it is not with-out its fair share of fl aws. Even simple matters such as signage weren’t quite simple enough to get right. The person who decided that the signs should be black text on a black background is either a descendant of Stevie Wonder or positive discrimination has been taken to an entirely new level.

It gets worse, though. The professional thea-tre company brought in to build the new Dramsoc Theatre missed the mark by more than a little. The production box in the theatre can’t see the stage meaning they will have no idea which over-eager fi rst year they are lighting. Conversely, however, the production box just became the best seat in the house.

The FitzGerald Debating Chamber is a purpose built room for holding debates. Somehow, this sim-ple purpose was overlooked and the focal point of the chamber is a large green exit sign, which is fi tting see-ing as it will be mostly used by the cretins in LawSoc and the L&H. Take the hint, lads.

Then there is the gym itself, where the UCD logic is most evident. Funded by UCD students, it cannot be used by those same students for three hours every evening, just when lectures fi nish. Because remember kids, UCD want you to be healthy, just not as healthy as those paying them.

UCD still gets better, though. Should you ever need a sealed, sound-proof box, UCD has provided you with the very thing. Rather than give you the TV stu-dio they intended, they thought having a nice window to see from the production room out into the corridor would be far more helpful than seeing into the studio.

And fi nally the ‘statue’ outside: that mangled piece of Lego cost €95,000, but what they aren’t telling you is that it’s the reason they couldn’t afford to keep the bar open. So when you look up at it, remember that’s the reason you didn’t get off with that minger in Belgrove this Black Monday.

FAAAAAAAIL

It’s been a summer of sporting triumph. For many of those who are not devout followers of ‘The Game’, the dramatic highs and lows of the Olympics, Wimbledon and Euro 2012 have been honoured by hosting customised drinking games. If you haven’t yet taken part in one, fear not, we have two All-Ireland Championship Finals ahead of us yet. Tins ahoy!

SPORTS THEmED DRINKING GamES

Everyone is a winner with the revival of 90s fashion. You can unintentionally pull off ‘The Kurt Cobain’ with messy hair and deliberately torn clothing, or you can commit to the knee-socks and blouse combination that emanates Cher Horowtiz’s wardrobe on Clueless.Regardless, you won’t even have to buy anything new because most of the necessary accessories are still lying around the house from your younger days.

‘90S ClOTHING

The construction of a new lake outside the Engineering building aims to reduce fl ooding in UCD, which is good news for everyone’s footwear. It also means we’ll have more swans with an irrational hatred of everything, and we’re exploiting the one asset UCD has that Trinity doesn’t: a plurality of lakes. In their faces.

NEW laKE ON CamPUS

Any endeavour that begins as a homage to Katy Perry and ends as a ‘who wore it better’ rivalry with the swamp monster from Scooby Doo, is decidedly not hot. Dousing your classmates dry, lurid locks with bleach, toner, and a nice medium brown your mother would be proud of may not win you any friends, but you’ll at least get some amusement from their enraged screams, something along the lines of: “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!”

BaD HaIR DYE

With a solid 181 sales in its fi rst week, Ronan Keating’s Fires has undoubtedly hit the ground running. This is representative of either the exact number of people left in his fan base, or the amount of money he was willing to spend on buying copies of his own album to push it up the charts.

RONaN KEaTING’S NEW alBUm

Black Monday’s cancellation defi nes irony. In the absence of a student bar, campaigns to drink en masse on a campus fi eld were formed but latterly disbanded owing to the weather. Essentially, a day that celebrates cancelling everything to go drinking, gets cancelled, and there’s widespread uproar. Look at yourselves. Just look.

NO BlaCK mONDaY

4

OTWO

To escape the hot summer and enjoy an even hotter winter, Emer Sugrue attempts to go on safari without whinging like a little bitch

Anyone who has ever watched a David Attenborough doc-umentary has surely wished to see the real thing. The

wilderness of the African plains is such a complete contrast to the gen-tle soggy urbanity of Clonskeagh that one couldn’t imagine anything more exciting than the uncertainty and the raw brutality of the animal world. So when my dad offered to take me along to South Africa with his kids, how could I say no?

Well there is one crucial element in the documentaries that is miss-ing from the real thing: editing. For every cool animal trick you see there are hours and hours and hours of nothing. Or worse, hours and hours of briefly glimpsing an impala’s horn as you drive down a road.

Our first stop was Kruger Park. Kruger Park is one of largest game reserves in Africa, extending over 350 kilometres in length. There are no fences and the animals roam free throughout the park so because of the danger element, visitors are not allowed to exit their vehicles. All you can do is drive straight through and look out the car window. Which is what we did. For seven hours a day. For five days.

For the first few hours, my siblings and I got very excited and took hun-dreds of photos of herds of impala, kudu and the odd giraffe. By day two, we weren’t even looking up from our books. It so quickly looks all the same.

The guide pulled over and we spot-ted a herd of elephants eating leaves off a tree. It was really amazing to see them in their natural environment, interacting with each other in a way where you don’t have kids at the zoo asking their mum why the elephants are ‘fighting’. We watched them eat and walk around. And then we just kept on watching.

The most interesting event was when an elephant caused a traffic jam. It just decided that the middle of the only road for 50 square kilometres was the ideal place for a rest. It’s il-legal to drive off road in Kruger Park, so we just had to wait. We discussed throwing an orange out the window to try and encourage it to move along. After 20 minutes, another elephant,

clearly mortified at the fuss its fellow was causing, grabbed its trunk with his and pulled him back to the grass. You know it’s bad when an animal ba-sically holds an intervention.

Eventually, many nights in huts and rest camps later, we exited the park. Now would come the real safari. In this ‘private’ game reserve, we would be driven around in an open top jeep,

and if we saw any animals, we could follow them into the undergrowth. We had to start our drive at dawn and the driver had a shotgun. What could go wrong?

Well nothing went wrong, but it wasn’t exactly what I expected. We saw a lot of buffalo. A lot of buffalo. There was a herd of them, and instead of driving around to see if we could find any of the cool animals like lions or leopards, which was the only rea-son any of us were there really, we just followed this single herd of buf-falo around the park for a full hour. We would spend tens of minutes not moving at all, just all sitting quietly staring at what are, for all intents and purposes, cows, ten thousand miles and a 13-hour flight away from home. My dad nudged me every so often to point out things like a bird sitting on the buffalo’s back. “Look at that, did

you see that?” Yes, funnily enough I did. I noticed that bird within the first 15 minutes of us staring at a sin-gle buffalo actually. There is only one thing in front of us that isn’t a buffalo, and it’s the bird on the buffalo.

After a few days of this, I truly began to identify with the British Colonialists of the 19th century. I didn’t want ivory for piano keys; I just wanted something to do that wasn’t staring at an elephant’s arse all day.

The one thing this experience gave me was a great business plan: Irish Safari. All you do is round up a few tourists and drive into a field for a few hours to see if you can find a badger. I’m going to be a millionaire.

By day two, we weren’t even looking up from our books. It so quickly looks all the same.“

OTWO ATTEMPTS...

5

TRAVEL OTWO

A Week in the West

You don’t have to leave the country to have an unforgettable summer. David Farrell explains how a trip west has all the ingredients for the perfect holiday

You’re broke, you’re home for the summer and you’re looking for any excuse to get away. Sounds like my

friends and I, who decided, after years of planning, to head on a road trip. Where would we go? Well that was easy, we would head west, in search of ‘craic’.

Leaving Kilkenny on a typical Irish summer morning, we set off for Youghal in Cork, arriving around lunchtime. Our means of transport: a small Peugeot 206. Our accom-modation: a tent that had earned its credentials by surviving Oxegen. Needless to say, it wasn’t long before we began to encounter problems. One wrong decision on a roundabout led to a 20 minute detour, which was not helped by the fact that our Sat-Nav told us we never left Youghal. Once we had achieved the feat of arriving in Killarney, we began the hunt for

a place to camp, only to be informed that: “You can’t actually camp there.” With that helpful information in hand we headed to the lakes, and eventu-ally managed to find a spot.

Leaving our bags and tent to be pitched later on, we decamped to the pub. Pints in hand, we were treated to a bit of trad music. Surprisingly my usual disdain for the genre was met by a refreshing and funny take on well-known hits like ‘Time of your Life’ remodelled to ‘How Not to Fight with your Wife’. As the pints flowed and the music rolled, our time to go came. I volunteered to help my friend pop the tent up and get ready for the next morning, while my fellow com-panions opted to stay, finding their choice to be the better one as they got chatting to some of the local girls. We were left wondering whether being sensible was always the best option, and hoped this wouldn’t become a

theme of the trip.The next morning after tucking

into a hastily prepared fry, we left for the Ring of Kerry. It was as ex-

pected, filled with quaint towns and all that comes with them. We headed for Dingle and arrived there with a bit of time to spare. After stocking up on food and drink, we strolled about town and sampled a local treat, Murphy’s Ice Cream: put sim-ply brown bread ice-cream works. We followed up our ice-creams with a quick dinner, a few drinks, and the all-important sampling of Dingle’s finest pubs.

Continuing apace the next morn-ing, we made our way to the village of Tarbert to catch the ferry that brought us into Clare. It was there

that we ticked off some big ‘To-Dos.’ After a spell playing frisbee on Lahinch Beach we went full tourist and paid the Cliffs of Moher a visit. Interspersed between this, we com-pleted a pilgrimage to Clare’s holiest spot: ‘Craggy Island Parochial House’, just beyond Kilfenora.

After we recreated ‘that kick’ we moved on, treating ourselves with a stay in a hostel once we reached Galway. The owner of the hostel took the time to show us how to open the tricky lock on the front door and asked me to go through it, suffice it to say, after my many attempts she re-gretted that decision. A spot of kebabs and a few pints, whilst taking in some street performers there for the Arts festival, saw us sorted for the night.

We then departed Cleggan the next morning to try our hand at some fish-ing. Irish summers being what they are and us being men, we neglected to use sun cream, a decision which would come to haunt us. After a bountiful few hours at sea we had our dinner caught, headed to the beach and cooked out in the open. In keep-ing with the theme of surprises, the fish wasn’t half bad. Our day ended in Westport, as two of us opted to make it an early one, while history re-peated itself, and the other two found further frivolities, which ended in a playground.

Regrettably we wound things down from here on in. The last stint, which was the longest drive, brought us to Banbridge, Co. Down. We were greeted by a fantastically hospitable friend who even prepared us dinner. Not used to such luxury thus far, we lapped it up and with a few refresh-ments on hand, and watched the Olympic opening ceremony.

There it was, as soon as it had started we were on our way home. The trip home flew by. It’s a week I won’t soon forget and an experience I couldn’t recommend highly enough. Don’t take my word for it and give it a go yourself.

We completed a pilgrimage to Clare’s holiest spot: ‘Craggy Island Parochial House’ .“

6

OTWO TRAVEL

Ralph Fiennes once described Bruges as a “fantasy town,” and for the patient tourist it’s hard to disagree with

him. Despite being the capital of the Wallonia district of Belgium and be-ing surrounded by an urban sprawl, Bruges’ oval shaped heart seems al-most disconnected from modern liv-ing. In Bruges everything moves at a slower pace, which luckily allows you to take in all there is of the ‘Venice of the North’.

Getting to the city is effortless. Since In Bruges came out, Irish inter-est in Bruges has peaked, with major airlines offering package deals. Otwo recommends immediately binning your map once you get there, and get-

ting lost in Bruges’ almost too-perfect streets: discovering the city unaided will pay for itself in dividends. A world heritage site of UNESCO, the city centre boasts not only remark-able scenic and architectural vistas, but is also a delight for history lovers. Standing in the middle of the city’s

Bruges is more than just the set of that movie with Colin Farrell. Jack Walsh explores art, history, and all the Belgian city has to offer

BRUGESIN

market is the statue of Jan Breydel and Pieter de Coninck, leaders of a so-cial uprising against French influence in the 14th century. The city’s famed Bourse, a remnant of French rule, is said to be the world’s first stock ex-change and also stands in the same market.

The city is not known particularly for its nightlife. Bruges knows it is not Brussels, and doesn’t need to try. Nonetheless bars litter the streets each one host to a relaxed social de-meanour and a range of high-quality Belgian beers perfect for a relaxing drink, while student friendly clubs such as Langestraat, Kraanplein (bar De Vuurmolen) and Kuipersstraat provide livelier entertainment.

Should you grow too accustomed to the Bruges nightlife, the student cen-tred town of Ghent is only 20 kilome-tres away, and filled with indie clubs to satisfy the masses.

Bruges, along with its relaxed nightlife, has culture in its blood, with artists such as Michelangelo, Jan Van

Eyck and Gerard David all synony-mous with the city. The city’s cultural highlight is the Groeninge museum, a municipal museum famous for hous-ing a collection of Flemish Primitive art, as well as a variety of Renaissance and Baroque works, and the city’s col-lection of post-war modern art. The Last Judgement and The Madonna with Canon van der Paele come highly recommended and are the first stop for art enthusiasts. The Church of Our Lady is also a necessary visit, as the Madonna and Child, or the Madonna of Bruges, by Michelangelo is housed within. The only sculpture to leave Italy in the artist’s lifetime, Michelangelo’s work was purchased by two brothers and was subsequent-ly donated to the city. Holding notice-able similarities to the famed Pietà which was completed shortly before, the Madonna adds extra depth to the artist’s depiction of the relationship between Christ and his mother.

B r u g e s ’ m u s e u m s o f f e r a

remarkable glimpse into the city’s rich history, with the Basilica of the Holy Blood being of significant inter-est. The Basilica is most famous for containing and protecting a phial filled with a cloth with the blood of Christ on it, said to have been brought to Bruges during the time of the Crusades. The Belfry is the easiest of Bruges’ landmarks to notice, stand-ing in at 83 metres high, and offering panoramic views of the city and the surrounding country side. The Tower is over seven hundred years old, and its bell chimes can still be heard throughout the cobblestoned streets.

While Bruges is a destination for year round travel, nothing com-pares to seeing it in the winter, with a blanket of snow making the build-ings even more photogenic. There is a variety of festivals for music lov-ers, such as the Jazz Brugge which takes place in October. The Jazz Brugge has been running every two years since 2002 when Bruges was named a European Capital of Culture. Focusing on European Jazz, the fes-tival has many concerts and jam ses-sions scattered throughout the city. The Christmas market is also a famed attraction, filled with artisan presents and traditional food stalls, as well as a majestic ice rink which is open from November to January.

Bruges’ location is also a notable plus, with rail links offering trips to towns across the Belgian coast, as well as being a stop on the Thalys Paris – Brussels - Ostend line. Brussels, the nation’s capital comes recom-mended for a day trip, with tourist attractions such as the European Union buildings, The Atomium and the Cinquantenaire Park catering as quick stops on a much grander jour-ney through such a massive subur-ban sprawl. Using Bruges as a base to explore what Belgium has to offer is undoubtedly a good idea, fusing the excitement of exploration with the slow burning atmosphere of Bruges. There is however, a lot to be said for renting a bike and completely discov-ering what makes the city tick. You really do have to make Bruges your own, but when you do, it becomes just that: your very own.

Bruges’ museums offer a remarkable glimpse into the city’s rich history“

7

OTWO

UCD First Week

the fi rst yearexperiencethe fi rst yearexperiencethe fi rst year

by Lucy Montague-Moffat

I left UCD with a bang. Well, more of a gentle patter. Did you know how easy it is to drop out of college? Too easy. You just

tell a woman at a desk that you want to leave and suddenly you are no long-er a student. But that was four years ago, and now I am back with a bang. Well I am defi nitely back with bangs anyway, fringes weren’t cool last time. I am a fi rst year once again with dreams in my pocket and a slightly warm packed lunch in my backpack.

Since deciding to come back to UCD to do my undergraduate degree in Arts all I have talked about is the Trampolining Club. I’m just so ex-cited to get out to the campus and on to a trampoline. Everyone, mainly my parents, have been desperately trying to remind me that college is also about lectures and learning and spending hours alone in the library trying your hardest to resist the urge to go on Facebook. I am of course ex-cited about lectures, but trampolin-ing seems much more fun. Did you see the Olympics? How did they get so high? It was like they were magic.

My fi rst decision as a new student was to skip most of orientation. I don’t need orientation, I thought, I am too experienced for that kind of carry on. How wrong I was. I arrived at UCD for the fi rst time in four years and proceeded to get lost twice in the space of ten minutes. I found myself wandering around endless empty grey buildings in silence with a fel-low lost student who had made the awful mistake of wearing high heels. Finally the ominous shadow of the Newman building rose above me and for the fi rst time I kind of knew where I was going.

So much has changed since the last time I was here (I am strongly resist-ing the urge to use the phrase ‘back in my day’). For instance, there is now nowhere to purchase an alcoholic beverage. This saddened my soul. Where am I supposed to have my pre-lecture pints now? Also there is this new Peer Mentoring system which is such a good idea. When I fi rst went into Arts there was nothing like this, I spent orientation in silence trying to build up the courage to talk to

someone until they’d start talking to someone else and I’d slink away into the crowd. Forever a loner.

I met up with my peer group at the blob, after getting directions to this area named after a woman’s monthly gift. Even though they were all so lovely, what followed was three hours of feeling like an ancient person. I re-alise I am being overdramatic since I am only twenty three and not even a mature student, but I have been bliss-fully unaware that I have been aging the past few years, so it was quite up-setting to be suddenly and repeatedly slapped in the face with the reality of eighteen year olds. A few of the girls in my group had gone to my school and after a few calculations it was re-vealed that I was in sixth year when they were in fi rst year. How have that many years passed and what have I been doing? They began asking me what teachers were my favourite and I suddenly realised I couldn’t remem-ber any of my teachers. Alzheimer’s? Oh old age is so cruel.

The issue of the day in my peer group was the fast approaching debs and how many of them didn’t have dates yet. I had forgotten the debs even existed, and not just because I was black-out drunk for the major-ity of mine. In fact I wish I could go back and do the debs again without all the falling over and broken shoes and general drunken ridiculousness.

Then it hit me, I am in a college surrounded by thousands of boys who have their debs in a few weeks. I am sure at least a few of them don’t have a date yet. I am going to make it my mission to get invited to one. Then I would have loads in common with my peer group and also how fun would it be introducing myself to the boy’s parents and saying: “I’m 23, I like my men fresh.”

All in all, I am excited about start-ing my three year adventure here. I can’t wait to meet new people and learn new things, mainly about tram-polining and how to jump so crazy high. I asked a UCD graduate recently what is the best way to make friends here and he said: “Having one night stands,” so I’m defi nitely going to try that and I suggest everyone else does too.

I am of course

excited about lectures, but

trampolining seems much

more fun.

“

8

OTWO GAMES

REVIEWSTEAM FORTRESS 2: MANN VS MACHINE

Title: Team Fortress 2: Mann vs MachinePublishers: ValveDevelopers: ValvePlatform: PCRelease Date: Out Now

Luckily for the mercenaries, de-stroying the robots earns them cash which can be used to purchase up-grades to level the playing field, like increased burn duration for the Pyro’s flamethrower or armour-piercing bullets for the Heavy’s mini-gun. Mann vs Machine also introduces the handy canteen item which, depending on what you fill it with, can give you a helpful boost at a critical moment. Canteen ef-fects range from ammo refills to an instant teleport to the map’s spawn point.

The new DLC also allows for player rewards through the new ‘Mann up Mode’. In this mode you can pay $0.99 for a Tour of Duty Ticket which allows you to take part in a series of missions, which if suc-cessfully completed will earn you newcosmetic items to customise your character with, which would otherwise have had to be purchased individually. This mode is entirely optional and the rest of Mann vs Machine is completely free-to-play.

Mann vs Machine is both a fun and challenging addition to TF2. It encourages co-operation by making every member of the team invalu-able and promotes the use of tactics against the metal menace, but it also encourages a healthy dose of com-petition as your team have to scram-ble for the cash bonuses once the robots have been reduced to scrap. This DLC proves that even after five years, TF2 still has plenty of life left.

by Steven Balbirnie

Team Fortress 2 has been going strong ever since its release in 2007 and be-came even more poular after it be-came free-to-play in 2011. Mann vs Machine is the latest downloadable content (DLC) for Valve’s distinc-tively cartoonish class-based first- person-shooter. Mann vs Machine further fosters the game’s spirit of teamwork by adding a co-operative mode in which a team of six hu-man players take on hordes of AI opponents.

Mann Co. is under attack from legions of robots hell-bent on bombing its facilities to smither-eens and only our favourite team of nine mercenaries, ranging from the Australian Sniper to the French Spy, can stop them. The robots pose a considerably greater challenge than the standard human players you en-counter in TF2’s traditional multi-player team death match. Rather than even teams, Mann vs Machine pits you and five others against waves of enemies, each of which is as strong as a standard player, with dozens of them attacking at once. On top of this, special robots will appear at intervals, such as the sentry buster which will launch a kamikaze strike against any defen-sive structures built by an Engineer, or the über Medic which can grant temporary invincibility to its fellow robots. These formidable enemies are also supplemented by tanks and giant robots that can deflect incom-ing projectiles and fire explosives at a rapid speed.

GREY

undercooked. Melee fights are skil-less affairs that inevitably boil down to mashing the left mouse button. When you consider how other games have tackled hand-to-hand combat, like Condemned, the bar for it has simply been set much higher than it used to be. Gunplay is introduced in the game’s latter half and is more enjoyable; but throwing pure Call of Duty mechanics into a horror game feels like a mismatch.

The audio design is probably the game’s strongest point. Music is ap-propriately haunting and the vari-ous enemy samples are reasonably terrifying. Visually though, the art direction seriously lacks inspiration. Combine this with the ever-aging Source engine and you find yourself with a game that is not particularly pleasing to the eyes, even when taking into account the lower expectations for independently developed games.

Grey is an underwhelming and un-satisfying experience from start to finish. Perhaps its biggest sin is that it simply doesn’t scare, either cheaply or psychologically. No single element, whether mechanically, stylistically or narratively, is executed beyond average and when viewed together as a whole, they form a work of pure mediocrity.

by Niall Gosker

Pure horror games have undergone somewhat of a revival in the past cou-ple of years. Resident Evil, arguably the forefather of video game horror, has gone in a direction described by its creators as “dramatic horror”, thus allowing smaller developers to step into the limelight. This re-emphasis and resurgence of horror is perhaps most beneficial to independent devel-opers who now have the chance to fill this “true horror” gap in the market. Such is the case with indie developer Deppresick Team, the creators of Grey.

Grey places you in the role of the title character, who finds himself thrust into an increasingly deterio-rating world of monstrous hallucina-tions and dilapidated locations. This is a fairly standard genre conceit and much like the rest of the game, ends up being utterly boring and de-rivative. The narrative is mainly told through psychedelic visions and load time monologues, neither of which is engaging. The drab and lifeless writ-ing, combined with the sparse, subpar voice acting, make it very difficult to become immersed or emotionally invested.

Exploration and combat are what players will be concerned with for most of the game’s twohour length, with the odd puzzle being thrown in to balance things out. Unfortunately none of the game’s environments are interesting enough for the player to want to explore them as they all blend into a brown, forgettable mess.

The game’s combat is just as

Title: GreyPublishers: Deppresick TeamDevelopers: Deppresick TeamPlatform: PCRelease Date: Out Now

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GAMES OTWO

Originally founded in 2007 as a research project at the University of Portsmouth, thechineseroom’s progression from designing experimental mods to fully-

fl edged development studio is testament both to the creative vision of the studio and to the potential universities offer for the gaming industry.

Dan Pinchbeck, the studio’s creative director and a lecturer at the University of Portsmouth, is thank-ful for the support that the university has provided the studio. “Right up until 2011, thechineseroom really only existed as a university project, and we only came out during the summer of that year,” says Pinchbeck. He believes that such relationships have a role to play in the future of games development; “It’s really important to me that universities are actively involved in professional development if they are doing teaching and research for games.” When asked about his move from digital art to videogames, Pinchbeck’s response is enlightening: “I left digital art because I was kind of frustrated about the lack of anything really interesting going on, and I still feel that. If you want to look at excit-ing, innovative and compelling media, don’t go to digital art, games are way ahead of the curve.”

Under Pinchbeck’s direction thechineseroom’s games have certainly been innovative. One example is their Half-Life 2 mod Korsakovia; a mod based around the experience of the psychological condi-tion, Korsakoff ’s Syndrome. The rationale behind this premise is indicative of thechineseroom’s ap-proach to games: “It’s just absolutely terrifying and seemed like the perfect premise for a horror game. The idea you can’t remember anything, can’t make new memories, can’t differentiate between reality and fantasy, or have no understanding of your own

personality. That’s just incredibly powerful, and lends itself so well to the kind of artifi cial realities games create almost by default.”

It is however, Dear Esther that has garnered the most recognition for the studio. It is an experimen-tal fi rst-person adventure, originated as a mod in 2008 before evolving into a full game released this year, its fragmented narrative continuing the studio’s commitment to innovation. Pinchbeck ex-plains: “It was part of the research question behind the mod, to see how abstract and ambiguous and contradictory you could be. You don’t need things to make literal sense in most other media, and a lot of games for that matter, for the experience to be really powerful and deep. You don’t ask which paint splatter came fi rst in a Jackson Pollack, you don’t demand causality in a Brian Eno work or a William Burrough’s story. It’s about the emotional journey, the atmosphere, the engagement.” This novel approach has sparked a debate over what art form Dear Esther belongs to, and even what defi nes videogames as a medium. Though Pinchbeck is un-concerned by such debates: “It’s irrelevant to me whether Esther is one thing or another theoreti-cally. Is it a good experience, do players respond to it, is it worthwhile – these are the important questions.”

Pinchbeck is similarly forthright about the de-cision to set the game on the Hebrides: “Actually, it was a completely pragmatic thing. I knew we needed a location that was completely isolated, so we could keep the player enclosed in a limited space, and a rural setting meant we could get away with less assets than a city. It could be desolate and sparse, so an island was a natural choice. Then I looked at the assets available within Half-Life

2 and when we started putting some test envi-ronments together, it reminded me a lot of the Hebrides.”

The jump from mod to game was something of an obstacle, and Pinchbeck admits that it was “pretty challenging on many fronts at once. Production-wise, professionalising everything, licensing, fi nances, legality … these were all pret-ty new to me and took a lot of work.” The work clearly paid off, as the artist Robert Briscoe won the award for ‘Excellence in Visual Arts’ at the 2012 Independent Games Festival for his work on Dear Esther.

Not ones to rest on their laurels, thechinese-room already have another two games currently in development. The first of which, Everybody’s Gone to the Rapture, looks set to further the stu-dio’s experimental approach. Pinchbeck reveals: “It’s an open-world game that is story-driven like Esther, but very different in tone and structure. It’s based around six characters who exist in this world, and you can engage with them and the world however you want. At the back bone of it is a drama-management system to make sure whatever you do, whenever you do it, wherever you explore and the order you do it in, you al-ways have a deep, engaging experience, which is very difficult to realise! The whole world is much less dreamlike than Esther, we really are focussing on you feeling embodied, being there. And it’s highly responsive – the world is very dy-namic and reacts to your behaviour on many lev-els, near constantly.” The second game is equally exciting, a sequel to Frictional Games’ terrifying Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Pinchbeck explains that they’re operating slightly different for the sequel: “Frictional Games have taken the role of executive producers. They are paying for the project, giving us tech support, and most impor-tantly, they give us detailed feedback on the game as it develops.”

The game, entitled Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs is “set 60 years later, so there’s a lot more technol-ogy, but very cool Victorian technology. It’s all new in terms of characters, story, etc. We’ve got some outside scenes in Victorian London, an amazing soundtrack by Jessica [Curry], and I think we’ve really upped the game in terms of art and environ-ments. Oh, and it’s really, really scary.” With one award-winning title under their belt, and another two releases on the horizon, thechineseroom are already looking like a developer to be reckoned with.

Dear Esther is available to buy now for PC and Mac on Steam, Desura, Onlive and at dear-esther.com.

THEVIDEOGAMEDOCTORCreative director of thechineseroom, Dan Pinchbeck, talks to Steven Balbirnie about the role universities can play in games development and pushing the boundaries of the medium

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REVIEWSTitle: LooperDirector: Rian JonhsonStarring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Emily BluntRelease Date: September 28th

In the year 2072 time travel exists but has been instantly outlawed. It’s only use is by seedy mob boss types, send-ing people they need disposed of into the past to be dealt with by specialised assassins known as Loopers. One such Looper is Joe (Joseph Gordon-Levitt): a cocky, unlikable 25-year-old living it up off the ample wage of an assassin in 2042. When one of his jobs turns out to be his future self (Bruce Willis), Joe fails to pull the trigger. His future self inevitably escapes and it’s a race against time to hunt himself down and put an end to his loop.

It sounds pulpy and silly but it’s done with such conviction and con-fident direction that you buy into the concept. It stays interesting and enter-taining throughout rather than purely relying on the interspersed action se-quences. It also has surprisingly quiet and introspective moments allowing the actors to give characters emotional depth.

It’s a testament to Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s acting chops that the once-scrawny star of 10 Things I Hate about You makes a properly convincing Bruce Willis Jr, perfectly recreating

Willis-style charm and smarm. Bruce Willis himself is the best he’s been in recent memory, his world-weary wit a wonderful counterpoint to his naïve counterpart, making for the best dia-logue in this sharp, well-written script.

Another point that sets Looper apart from lesser sci-fi actions is the well thought-out but non-intrusive futuristic backdrop. There aren’t stylistic floating neon rings to show ‘this is the future!’, nor is it a purely bleak and dystopian fu-ture. Instead it’s somewhere in the mid-dle: there are no hover-cars but there are hover-bikes and wafer thin computer

monitors rise out of tables. Along with this technology there’s a more a universe that could have gotten away with being less detailed.

The pacing is another point worth mentioning, playing with the story order to give you information when it’s neces-sary. But, most importantly, it stays en-tertaining, revelling in the inherent time space continuum issues of time travel and having fun with the interactions between the two Joes.

One or two moments slip briefly from clever action extravaganza into a borderline mindless shoot-athon and

an argument can be made that the ac-tion takes somewhat of a dip midway through. But you forgive any shortcom-ings because you’ll generally be too en-thralled to stop and notice them. The advertising would like you to think Looper is another dumb, high-concept sci-fi film. Instead it’s one of the best science fiction films of the last decade.

In a Nutshell: A tense, witty, and expertly crafted sci-fi action that’s easily one of thebest films of this year.

by Conor Luke Barry

Looper

Title: Premium RushDirector: Rian JonhsonStarring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Michael Shannon, Dania RamirezRelease Date: September 28th

Have you ever thought: “Yeah, the Fast and the Furious was good, but there simply weren’t enough bikes in it”? Of course you haven’t. No one has. That being said however, Premium Rush sets out to do exactly that: capture the thrills and high speed, high risk action excitement of a typical big budget chase movie from a decidedly atypical angle: that of the everyday, bicycle courier.

In Premium Rush, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, fresh off of his critically ac-claimed performance in The Dark Knight Rises, takes on the role of Wilee,

an adrenaline junkie and bicycle cou-rier on the most unforgiving route in the world: the streets of New York City. Typically in film, bike messengers are treated as the scourge of pedestrians and drivers alike and Premium Rush doesn’t stray far from the stereotype. Revelling in its glorification of reck-less cycling and needless risk taking, one has to wonder what cycling profi-ciency test passed Wilee and his fellow cyclists, while simultaneously being enthralled by the high stakes and slick production of the many, often needless,

chases and stunts which Premium Rush thrusts towards the viewer. The film often indulges itself by showing the potential gory repercussions of the cy-clist’s brazen actions, almost yelling at the audience that cars are safe, padded boxes regardless of whatever danger-ous chase they’re involved in, whereas bikes are screaming metal death-traps. This is a glorification of danger to be sure, but an entertaining one.

That is not to say that Premium Rush is solely a movie for chase enthusiasts. Gordon-Levitt’s depiction of Wilee

manages to remain likeable, albeit some-what thinly developed throughout his delivery of highly sought-after cargo, chucking almost ironically unsubtle jabs at those chasing him throughout. The character tries to capture the sense of existential dread that comes with accepting one’s adult responsibility of getting a ‘real job’, however instead Wilee can be summarised as ‘he likes going fast because it’s fun’. Meanwhile, Michael Shannon almost steals the show with his inexplicably entertaining and surreally hilarious depiction of primary antagonist, crooked cop and bike-couri-er-pursuant Bobby Monday.

Premium Rush is not an intelligent film; it’s a popcorn chase movie made by intelligent people, with a few mas-sive differences putting it into the ‘bike chase’ genre, that until now has only been represented by the underrated 1983 gem BMX Bandits. Don’t go in with high desires or expecting your opinions on fixie bikes to be changed and you’re guaranteed enjoyment.

In a Nutshell: High speed, thrilling ac-tion. Don’t forget your helmet.

by Coiré McCrystall

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10. Stardust Memories (1980)Released after the huge success of Annie Hall and Manhattan, Stardust Memories is a surreal comedy drama about a filmmaker who doesn’t respect his dumb fans. Since Woody cast himself as the jaded filmmaker fans were predictably insulted. Potentially because they were too dumb to understand the film.

9. Crimes and Misdemeanours (1989)Half drama, half comedy. Full of rich philosophical musings about death and suicide, but still some witty sex jokes. Also has subtext, which is kind of unusual for Woody.

8. Bananas (1971)A hapless Woody accidentally becomes the Communist leader of a fictional nation. Contains the first acting role of Sylvester Stallone, who plays a thug for 30 seconds.

7. Play It Again, Sam (1972)Not actually directed by Woody but written by and starring him. Allen plays a film critic trying to gain the confidence with women using the help of an imaginary Humphrey Bogart. A more serious film during his early, funny ones.

6. Love and Death (1975)In Tsarist Russia, Woody Allen plays an unwilling soldier who is coaxed into an assassination attempt on Napoleon. Instead of any high-brow musings on moral qualms and the like, this is full of sex jokes.

5. Zelig (1983)A 1920s comedy mockumentary about a man who takes on the traits of whoever he’s around, both physically and in personality. Groundbreaking editing techniques meant they could actually put Woody Allen into genuine footage from the 1920s, though that’s probably not as impressive today.

4. Everyone Says I Love You (1996)Did you know Woody Allen did a musical? Here it is, in all it’s poorly sung and half-assed choreographed glory. Woody himself sings as well as performing in a flying dance sequence. It’s a strange one.

3. The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985)Set in the 1930s, a woman escapes her bleak existence by losing herself in the fake world of the cinema. That sounds dull but to explain any more would ruin it. Just watch it.

2. Husbands and Wives (1992)As bleak a drama as Woody ever went, charting the breakdown of marriages. Unfortunate or suspicious timing meant it was released during the time of Woody’s much publicised ‘leaving his girlfriend and marrying her adopted daughter’ melarkey, which made for an awkward reception upon release.

1. Sweet and Lowdown (1999)Set again in the 1930s, an obnoxious travelling jazz guitarist, played by Sean Penn, falls for a lovable mute but doesn’t want to admit he could care for a dame. There are superb scenes of guitar skills as well as multiple scenes where Penn shoots rats in a dump.

by Conor Luke Barry

top10Woody Allen films

Title: To Rome With LoveDirector: Woody AllenStarring: Woody Allen, Ellen Page, Jesse Eisenberg, Alec BaldwinRelease Date: Out now

Woody Allen is the simultaneously the most active and the laziest director working today. With a track record of a new film per year (he’s currently filming his

next) you can’t knock the man for quantity but there is no denying that he is the master of self-plagiarism. Even last year’s hugely successful and critically lauded Midnight in Paris was his trusted method of new actors, new city, same themes. This year’s release, To Rome with Love, continues along his European cinematic tour and allows us to watch a new set of grade A actors deal with a familiar set of woes.

What sets To Rome with Love apart from his other work, at least superficially, is that it’s actu-ally four short comedy stories intercut together. Each deals with familiar Woody themes such as obsession with celebrity culture, upper middle class prudishness with sex and so on. There’s no point elaborating here because half the fun of the film is slowly figuring out what the point is of each short. There’s also no forced revelation of all the characters bumping into each other and going ‘Hey, I know you!’, which is both unusual for this kind of film as well as refreshing, as it allows each story to have their own set style, some being more surreal than others.

The quality of the shorts are all over the spec-trum but most fit into the ‘that was grand’ category. Each one feels like he has a blunt point he wants to get across so he rushes towards it, throwing in some half thought out one-liners to ease the jour-ney. Having said that, there is one story that stands out: a young Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network, Zombieland) is mentored by Alec Baldwin in the dangers of falling for your significant other’s friend, in this case Ellen Page (Juno, Inception). It’s a sweet and interesting story, easily the funniest of the bunch because you actually care about the charac-ters. However, it’s not enough to make up for the others.

Also, the film is set in Rome, in case that wasn’t apparent. If it seems like an afterthought stating that so late in the review, that’s a pretty accurate reflection of the film’s attitude to the city. It’s just a shame that with such high calibre actors and pretty decent story ideas, Allen seemingly didn’t feel the urge to write a second draft of the film. Still, he does make the wise choice of casting himself for the first time in half a decade, which is almost reason enough to sit through the rest.

In a Nutshell: A mixed compilation with more misses than hits, though still some remnants of why everyone fell in love with Woody Allen in the first place.

by Conor Luke Barry

to RomeWith love

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Since the beginning of time, man has dreamt of time travel. I’m guessing. Frankly, we can’t verify that state-ment without the aid of an actual time machine. What can be said with

every ounce of certainty, however, is that if ever there was a year to bring forth a resurgence in time travel films, 2012 is that year.

Between a worryingly earnest faith held in the Mayan calendar, constant reminders that those finite resources of ours are wearing pretty thin, and the current pop cultural behemoth that is ‘80s and ‘90s nostalgia, time travel is ripe to be-come the sci-fi plot device du jour. It’s hardly surprising, then, that already this year both main-stream and independent cinema have hopped on the time travel trend; with Rian Johnson’s sci-fi noir Looper set for release later this month,

and trendily dry indie rom-com Safety Not Guaranteed scooping up accolades on the festi-val circuit, most notably scoring the Waldo Salt Screenwriting Award at this year’s Sundance Film Festival.

Though often spanning various genres, from teen comedy (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Back to the Future) to bleak, dys-topian drama (12 Monkeys), the one constant in time travel narratives across the board is in how they relate to their contemporary social and political climates. It’s no great surprise that, in moments of crisis or political upheaval, society collectively turns to an idyllic representation of the past as a form of escapism.

Back to the Future was, perhaps, one of the most blatant examples of this in how it catered to the neo-conservative, revisionist policies of Ronald Reagan’s presidential administra-tion. The film presents an idealised depiction of small-town 1950s America, safely distanced from the aftermath of the Vietnam war, the civil rights movement, women’s lib and, well, every-thing else those pesky liberals throw in the face of their Republican government. Back to the Future is so rooted in Reaganism, in fact, that the film itself includes a joke about Reagan’s rise from humble cowboy actor to leader of the United States (“Ronald Reagan? The actor?”), and was quoted by Reagan himself in his 1986 State of the Union address.

That being said, Terry Gilliam’s 1995 film 12 Monkeys is not only rooted in socio-political discourse of the mid-‘90s with its cynical view of consumerism and air of paranoia regarding biological weaponry, but has eerily remained

Avoiding the

Slow Path

relevant, almost to the point of foreshadowing the past year of protests and worldwide dis-content. Nowhere else in the film is this more apparent than when the titular Army of the 12 Monkeys stage protests and attacks on Wall Street. In this instance, time travel becomes not a tool of escapism, but a tool of dissection and examination of social ills; something which, by all accounts, looks to be touched on in Looper with its corporate antagonists.

With that in mind, while time travel narratives can transcend eras both literally in their content and figuratively in their lasting relevance, the transcendence of space is forever a key issue within the trend. This, ultimately, comes down to whatever pseudo-science in operation within the world of the film. For the most part, an out-side influence with a presumably outstanding understanding of physics and a vessel of some description will suffice: a “flux capacitor” just sounds legit, and you don’t tend to ask many questions once you hear “plutonium” and “1.21 gigawatts”. This, of course, is helped along by the simple rule of moving through time but not space. To again borrow from Back to the Future as an example, the entire franchise is located in Hill Valley, albeit throughout different periods of the town’s history. As long as this internal logic remains intact, suspension of disbelief is usually better maintained. Furthermore, time travel then acts only as a plot device, while the protagonist’s relationships and struggles take precedence as they would in any other conven-tional narrative. This is especially true of the up-coming Safety Not Guaranteed, which keeps its science a complete mystery, instead using time travel as a handy back-drop to an odd-couple romance.

Having said that, Shane Carruth’s 2004 film Primer makes a case for exhaustive and techni-cal scientific reasoning, which ultimately posi-tions the act of time travel as a focal point of the narrative, as opposed to a device operating within a genre film.

It is perhaps due to its flexibility as a plot device that time travel is so frequently adopted for the purpose of scrutinising and comment-ing broadly on current affairs. It offers a free-dom of expression and self-reflexive storytell-ing that, without even the mildest suggestion of an agenda to carry it, can collapse under its own weight. Like that one, Time Machine, that Samantha Mumba was in. Let’s all agree to just forget about that one.

In celebration of the release of Looper Saoirse Ní Chiaragáin takes a look both backwards and for-wards at the past, present and fu-ture of the time travel genre.

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Mastering a GenreDirector Jon Wright talks to Emer Sugrue about his new film Grabbers, how not to offend the Irish and how to be more like the 80s.

The comedy-horror genre has been growing ever more popular in re-cent years. Ever since Shaun of the Dead, it seems everyone wants to try their hand at it. Grabbers is the latest

film to take on the duel-genre challenge and as a small Irish production, has had astonishing suc-cess. The film features an alcoholic Garda, Ciarán O’Shea (played by Coupling’s Richard Coyle) on a small island off the west coast of Ireland who gets paired up a with prim and proper Dublin Garda, Lisa Nolan (Ruth Bradley). So far, so bud-dy-cop. But after a few people go missing, several dozen whales are beached at once and the local fisherman/belligerent drunk catches a blood-thirsty monster allergic to alcohol, it emerges that O’Shea and Nolan will have more problems to deal with than their mismatched personalities and underlying sexual tension.

As a comedy-horror, Grabbers has to tread a fine line, displaying each genre equally; a feat seldom attempted and almost never success-fully achieved. The film’s director, Jon Wright, explains the process: “We took the decision ear-ly on that we wanted to play it straight, in the sense that we wanted to do it for real. So, with very few exceptions, the whole thing is played straight as if it was really happening, and the actors were acting as if it was really happen-ing. They’re doing drama performances, if you like, in a comedy film. I think that means that the horror isn’t compromised and the comedy becomes situation comedy. All the jokes spring out of the situation as opposed to people being quote-unquote comedy characters. The comedy comes out of the incongruous nature of this big, tentacled beast being on this remote island and they have to get drunk and all the comedy that comes out of that. So I think that’s why we man-aged to keep a bit of both elements.”

Deciding what works and what doesn’t is a tough call when making a comedy-horror. What works in one will ruin the other so to pull it off you need to be focused on the balance rather than what gets a laugh in the rehearsal. Wright agrees: “That was a tough thing to follow through at times because you have great jokes that we had to throw away. So for example, we had Lisa and O’Shea attacked in the jeep, and when they came inside there was a scene where Lisa wants to make toast. She goes over to the toaster and starts making toast and buttering it and she’s saying “Mmm, toast” over and over again. It didn’t feel real after a while, after what happened to them in the jeep. We lost a few jokes along the way but I don’t think it matters in the end.”

Another pitfall of the genre is the monster. At just €3.5 million, Grabbers is at a disadvan-tage to modern horror blockbusters. Rather than revealing their hand all at once, Wright decided to take the traditional route. “We fol-lowed the ‘80s model. If you ever saw Jaws, they didn’t show the shark basically because the shark was rubbish, which is true of a lot of films. What you could achieve with pros-

thetics was quite limited so it made a lot more sense to keep the monster in shadow and hid-den. It actually worked in a different way for me because when the monster is left to your imagination, I think it tends to run riot. So we played a similar trick in Grabbers where when you actually get to see the creature is quite late in the day… We had a limited num-ber of creature shots, but we put a lot of work into them and tried to make them really good and I’m quite proud of the CG work and the effects work that’s been done.” More impor-tant than either the comedy or the horror in any Irish production however, is how the peo-ple are portrayed. After Leap Year, most peo-ple are wary of anything that plays up Irish stereotypes in the way Grabbers does. As an Englishman with Irish parents, Jon Wright is particularly aware of this. “I think a lot of peo-ple go in kind of nervous that it’s going to be a lot of paddywhackery; an annoying riff on the

idea that Irish people like a drink. It’s always been a source of annoyance to me that English films set in Ireland, they just don’t care about the authenticity of it at all. You have excellent English actors coming in who are absolutely murdering the accent and if you know the Irish accent it just bumps you out of the film completely. I actually wanted Irish people to be very happy with the movie and feel that it was poking fun at them in a nice way, not an annoying way. We wanted a film that the

Irish could love as well as the rest of the world, rather than the other way around, which is how it often is.”

Grabbers is out now. It’s playing all this week in the UCD Cinema.

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This inability to stick to the topic will be more than familiar to followers of Noble’s stand-up career. His unique skill of completely abandoning pre-planned material to go off on fantas-tical tangents is now the basis of his shows. Does he do any preparation at all? “I just book some gigs and turn up,” he jokingly replies.

Though the truth isn’t that far dif-ferent: “You just sort of see what stuff kind of comes up when you talk to people in the audience. That’s your starting block, and then whatever’s knocking around in your head, that’s kind of what comes out really.”

To most comics it would be a cause for concern that a fortnight before the show they don’t have a set plan, but Noble doesn’t prepare like most comics. “I don’t sort of sit down and decide: ‘Right, what’s the show going to be?’ It’s not like I have a show and then I improvise around it. It’s one of those things where I start impro-vising and then whatever comes out of the improv, I might come up with something and think ‘That’s quite a good idea’. Then I try and take that idea and, like tomorrow, I’ll see where I can take it. But the actual core of the idea might come from the previous night’s show. Or what happens most of the time is I’ve got an idea and I think ‘I’ll try and play around with that tonight’ and then, on the way to

Ross noBle: noBle sAVAGeAs Ross Noble enjoys a visit to Dublin, Conor Luke Barry chats to him about his talent for improvisation, being a murderous clown and the city’s troublemakers

Maybe it was too much to assume that Ross Noble might want to chat about his upcoming

comedy tour without something else hijacking his attention straight away: “I’m in the midst of sitting around in an unseasonably, delightfully warm

Dublin watching people, I think they might be young offenders, jumping

into the river.” He pauses briefly as he adds to the story. “They’re all clearly

some part of a scheme. They seem to have kayaks and the like. It’s not something that…I mean, I wouldn’t

jump in there.” He’s quite right to be hesitant, these young chaps

presumably being covered in whatever toxins the Liffey has

to offer. With this in mind he sums up with the prophetic warning: “In a year I reckon

you’ll either have some new superheroes or super-villains.

There’ll certainly be some mutations on the cards.”

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Ross noBle: noBle sAVAGeAs Ross Noble enjoys a visit to Dublin, Conor Luke Barry chats to him about his talent for improvisation, being a murderous clown and the city’s troublemakers

the show, I just kind of forget about it and something else comes up. I don’t really have a set way of working so it varies on the night depending on what mood I’m in. I change my proc-ess depending on how I feel.”

His fantastically unprepared show isn’t the only reason Noble’s gracing our fair city. The comedian was also in town for the premiere of the up-coming Irish film Stitches, with Noble playing the title role of Stitches the Clown: “It’s a comedy horror. He’s a scummy children’s entertainer who turns up to a party where the kids are basically picking on him. They acci-dentally knock him into a dishwasher which has a carving knife sticking up out of it which goes through his head. Now you might think that’s the end of the show. It would be, but a group of black magic clowns bring him back from the dead and he takes revenge. It’s 10 years later and the kids are all teenagers and he goes round killing them one by one using clown tech-niques, so he rips out peoples guts and slays them and makes them into balloon animal dogs, and he kicks peoples heads off with his big shoes.”

Strangely, this is one of Noble’s first big acting gigs. Why, after pre-sumably countless offers, pick the role of a demon clown who viciously murders teenagers? “You get some comedians who only do stand up cause they want to be actors and I’ve always been very committed to stand up. It’s very easy to take acting roles that are in sitcoms, play the wacky neighbour, or the comedic friend of the handsome romantic lead and all that. The sort of stuff that I like isn’t necessarily the sort of stuff that I get offered, and then I read the script for this and it’s got everything in it that I like. I think the problem is if you try and become a serious actor peo-ple just don’t buy it. People just go: ‘Well, that’s just him dressed up,’ and they don’t take you seriously because they know you’re just a comic or your personality comes through too much. Or people want you to do roles where you basically just play yourself and they just want to put you in the role, but [Stitches] is perfect for me. It’s a fabulous character in the real world; that’s what interests me. I like stuff that’s like that, fantasy characters in a real world or real characters in a fantasy setting.”

While his choice of outlandish act-ing roles may not be all that surpris-ing what does seems strange is that Noble was, at one point in his career, a more ‘traditional’ comedian, with

material and everything. Does he re-member any of his old jokes?

“Yeah, I had jokes like ‘They say cheese gives you nightmares. That’s ridiculous I’m not scared of cheese.’ Another was ‘There’s something in the highway code that says if you get caught driving whilst disqualified, the punishment is six months in prison and underneath it said, in brackets, or 12 months in Scotland. That’s not punishment, that’s a holiday.’ Things like that, you know. I would talk about adverts that were on telly and I’d start off and say ‘Wasn’t it funny about so and so’ and next thing I was talk-ing about glue sniffing budgies and stuff. People would go ‘What’s he on about?’ After a while instead of rein-ing it in I would go ‘Well, I think this is funny.’ I would try to find a way of doing it. But the early stuff, it was too surreal. I’d just kind of start and go: ‘Right, glue sniffing budgie!’ and people would go ‘What are you talk-ing about?’”

In an industry that judges new comedians on their five minute sets, how did he manage to get the free-dom to develop his wandering style? “What I used to do is, I used to go on and muck around for five minutes and then when they flashed the light, I’d walk off stage. The reason my style came about is because when I first started, I was up in Newcastle. There was such a desperate need for acts and I used to host the show a lot of the time. It was a lot of student gigs and the same audience a lot of weeks. You couldn’t really just go on and do your stuff so I used to go on, muck around, come up with things, play around. So

the whole thing kind of came out of not being restricted. Then I used do a lot of warm ups for TV as well and sometimes those recording would last three hours, sometimes longer. It was the sort of thing where you just start telling stories and then you get sidetracked and then you come back to the story. That’s why it’s hard to describe my style, because I’ll tell a story that’s true but in amongst that genuine story and anecdotes, it’ll spin off on 10 different tangents, takes you off to another land and then returns. The basic story itself is there and it’s the thing that hangs all the odder stuff together. If you go on and just

talk about surreal stuff, people just go like ‘what’s he on about?’ Whereas if they can see you’re talking about something real, talking about some-thing in the room, then you go off on that and come back to it”.

With such a unique style, you’d wonder where he gets his influence from. Is he inspired by similar come-dians? “The thing is the people I like aren’t necessarily the people you’d think I’d like. I really like sort of sa-tirical comics. One of my favourite comics is Stephen Wright and he just does one-liners. I probably like him because he’s removed from what I do. And people like Lewis Black and Louis CK. Also, what I do on stage is just me being myself on stage. So it’s kind of like you want something that comes from a different point of view, a different angle. But then I love comedians like Sean Rock and Eddie Izzard and Bill Bailey, where there’s similarities to what I do.”

It had been an interesting visit to a man whose mind is just as active off-stage as on. Before my time with him was over I was curious to get an update on those rapscallions in the Liffey. “I think they’ve all drowned,” he responds, deadpan. After a pause he corrects himself as if stating a fact: “They’ve been eaten by radioactive ducks.” No doubt, in the mind of Ross Noble, this was indeed the case.

Ross Noble’s show Mindblender is in the Olympia Theatre on Friday, September 28th.

I used to go on and muck around for five minutes and then when they flashed the light, I’d walk off stage.

“

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Growing Up Gracefully

Irish acoustic indie-folk duo Heathers talk to Anna Burzlaff about their journey to adulthoodand how their music has developed since the days of their Leaving Cert

The music industry can have a pen-chant for pigeonholing artists. As is often the case within creative indus-tries, musicians can find it difficult to reconstruct the public perception as-

cribed to them, with many finding their downfall in failed attempts to revamp their image. When sisters Ellie and Louise Macnamara emerged on the music scene at 17 years of age, with their acoustic guitar and talent for harmonizing melo-dies in suite, it would have been easy for even the least creative executive to label the Dublin duo.

Perhaps best known for their catchy accompani-ment to Failte Ireland’s ‘Discover Ireland’ ad, the Macnamara twins’ early days in the music indus-try were characterised by an unassuming nature as they portrayed the paradigm of folksy indie rock. It is rare in the music industry to witness growth in positive terms and to see artists escape those dreaded pigeonholes unscathed. Heathers have managed to defy tradition.

The girls have grown-up, both musically and personally, yet have not fallen prey to the arro-gance or disregard that often befalls those sub-jected to five years in an industry that can make even the most level-headed lose their sense of reality. Ellie and Louise are as aware of their de-velopment themselves as any mildly perceptive observer would be: “It was tough initially because when we were writing, we were still in school, and then as things went on we saw more of the music industry and what goes on. We didn’t really know anything at all so it was kind of a shock, but we learnt.”

Despite a few precarious experiences, including,

when they were underage, having to hide from club personal in the toilets before a gig, Heathers have reaped the benefits of five years maturity without losing their kindness and charm along the way. Perhaps the band’s maturity and humil-ity is the product of juggling not only the countless stresses and strains which are interwoven into a musician’s career but also trying to manage, first sitting their Leaving Certificate, and then getting a college degree: “We have always, as Heathers, been in either school or college; we’ve had two very different things going on. It’s two different things and it’s nice to have something else to put your energy into as well. It kind of takes the pres-sure off either side because you’re working on something else at the same time.”

As much as the girls themselves have grown-up, so too has their music. Heathers’ second album, Kingdom, expands their musical repertoire be-yond the acoustically commanded songs of their debut album, Here, Not There, and introduces a wide variety of instruments and styles. This shift towards a bigger sound was certainly no accident as Ellie explains: “I think we wanted to challenge ourselves by adding in more instruments, more sound. Also, over the years we’ve been listening to a lot of different types of music, and we’re in-terested in so many different types of music, so we wanted to put that into this new album.”

Ultimately Kingdom is a testament to the girls’ growth. The album draws on their increased ex-periences in both music and their personal lives, seen in the arrangements and lyrics respectively. “When we wrote Here, Not There we were 17 and we’re now 22 so we’ve matured, I like to think, a

little bit. We’ve grown up a lot, we’ve had to face some difficult times, and I think this album re-flects on a lot of that.”

For Heathers, this stage in their career has brought with it some new found introspection, often reflected in their lyrics. “I think we started thinking about things a lot more. Maybe when we were 17, we were a bit more relaxed and laid-back and now it’s like ‘Okay, we’re 22, this is life. We have to start doing things!’”

However, if recent developments are anything to go by, Heathers have little to worry about. With an Irish tour in September and October, along with plans to travel Europe and the States, Heathers also have an exciting opportunity in the pipeline to write a song for one of the biggest names in the music industry, David Guetta.

Despite the excitement of it all Heathers have managed to stay grounded and their likeability has certainly failed to wane. How do they feel about the song that gave them their fame? “It’s done so much for us, it’s gotten our music out there and it’s fantastic to have had a song on television for the past three years.” Heathers, it seems, have remained as humble, grounded, and friendly as when they first began all those five years ago.

Heathers play The Academy on September28th. Kingdom is out now.

Read Heathers’ fortnightly column written for Otwo starting this week on page 20.

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MUSIC OTWO

Joshua Radin: More than

just a tearjerker

Joshua Radin’s lyrical coos have become a staple

for many a TV show’s scenes of emotional

turmoil. Stephen Connolly talks to the Ohio-born singer about his latest

album and being in mu-sic for the long haul

You know the episode of Scrubs where Dr. Cox’s friend dies of leukaemia while he was bail-

ing the juggler out of jail? Oh, what about when J.D has to tell that fa-ther that his terminal lung cancer had returned? At the teary dénoue-ment of each of these episodes, along with Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi’s wedding and oh, about 75 films and episodes of Bones, House, Brothers & Sisters, One Tree Hill, Grey’s Anatomy and any other drama beaming through the ether that you can think of, the hushed strumming and introspective cooing of Joshua Radin can be discerned, ensuring that everyone has learned their re-spective lessons. Over one hundred songs of his, in fact. It appears that nothing says, “Hey I guess I’ve been a bit hard on you lately man, hold me while the tears slowly roll down my face moment,” like a well-placed Joshua Radin ditty.

Radin came into being in Ohio, studied drawing and painting at Northwestern University and didn’t touch a guitar until he was almost thirty, instead working as a screen-writer and art teacher. It was back in 2004 when he exhibited his very first song, ‘Winter’ to his college mate Zach Braff, of then Scrubs renown: “He was like ‘Hey I should put that

on my show,’ and that’s how I got my start. TV and film is the new radio.”

Radin seems at pains to convince people that his rise to fame hasn’t been as assured or as meteoric as one might assume. ‘’My mom said it took me forever before I even walked down the stairs in our house even as a child. I would always get on my knees and crawl backwards. Everything has been gradual; I’ve never woken up one day and had a big break. I was always for thirty or

forty year-long careers rather than a five year career like some radio art-ists. This is certainly my favourite job that I’ve ever had.’’

His latest album, Underwater, is his fourth in six years. “This record I recorded entirely to analogue tape, where you cannot edit or go back and try something else.” He relates it to his late painting career: “I grew up painting using watercolour, a medi-um where you really have to plan out where you’re going to put the brush before it touches paper, not like oil or acrylic where you can keep painting over it. You let the grooves in the pa-per take in the pigment throughout and the paper does half the work.”

Grooves of a more musical nature however are in short supply on this album, which is, as Radin himself puts it: “a return to roots,” and “more acoustic and intimate” than The Rock and The Tide, on which he courted more rock-like idioms. This resulted in an album being perceived by some to have been something of a ‘sell-out’ record.

“As a child,” he explains, “I was never allowed underwater because of an ear issue. In the past year, [I] found out that it has naturally healed and the doctors said I could now try going underwater. I heard this si-lence that I had never heard before, and wanted this album to sound like this other world that I could never be a part of.” Much to his recording engineers’ relief surely, if not ours, Radin opted to achieve the albums’ watery ambience within the studio as opposed to his swimming pool.

Earlier in his career Radin was hailed by Rolling Stone as ‘The New Bob Dylan’, a poisoned chalice of

sorts, he argues: ‘’That was crazy-flattering, but very dangerous, like someone painting a target on your head. I’m just trying to be the best Joshua Radin I can.”

Radin’s lyrics, by his own personal criteria must be “as honest as pos-sible,” and all inevitably document events from his life. Surely this leaves one very vulnerable to attack from his critics? ‘‘I think [my fans] appreciate my honesty at shows. The more vulnerable I make myself, the more people relate to me and my mu-sic.” Such is his schedule’s intensity that Radin isn’t even sure where or when he’s playing next. “I think I’m playing a Sunday night in Dublin,” he muses. ‘’I did that on purpose, the last time was a Saturday night and everyone was quite pissed.”

While Otwo could have happily chatted longer, our allotted slot in Joshua’ diary (moleskin, we’d wager) had concluded and we come away both gratified and guilty. There were initial suspicions of Radin using for-mulaic subject matter to wrench mankind’s heartstrings through their Skybox. It may be purely the onslaught of charm oozing from the receiver, but at some point during the interview we were well and truly won over. Joshua Radin is an artist indeed, and one suspects that he would have descended those stairs to fame anyway, regardless of Zach Braff ’s hefty influence. Cue the ‘les-son learned’ music please.

Joshua Radin will play the Academy on September 30th. Underwater is out now.

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The ArtistWith the release of his fourth studio album The Bunkerhouse Vol. 1, Fionn Regan talks to

Evan O’Quigley about touring, painting and why he does not like playing ‘the game’

“Over the times, everything progresses, everything’s becoming more perfect sounding

and airbrushed, so I’m thinking a stripped back record on a four-track recorder is a punk move

Fionn Regan is a prolific art-ist. His latest record The Bunkhouse Vol. 1: Anchor Black Tattoo, is his third al-

bum in three years. Regan explains that the music comes naturally to him which allows him easily to write of-ten: “Most things I do, things that are successful, artistically successful, sort of ambush me … I don’t go and jump in a Land Rover and go look for them with a flashlight. It kind of hits me and comes up all of a sudden. I feel a certain way, and I know by the things that I’m writing, even little things in a notebook, it’s all about to go into an area of being prolific.”

There is something of a poet in Regan. Almost everything he says is like that. He seems at odds to almost perfectly craft every sentence, using many different metaphors and analo-gies to explain the point he is making.

His latest album was recorded in a secret studio in Wicklow. Unlike his previous efforts which have been more layered and produced, The

Bunkhouse is a stripped-down effort. Regan argues that while most will consider it a folk album, he consid-ers it to be punk due to its bare-bones nature. “People have a stereotypical idea of what punk is, but really, punk is whatever you have in front of you. You use your restrictions to your ad-vantage in a way. What I had was a guitar and a four-track [recorder]. Over the times everything progress-es, everything’s becoming more per-fect sounding and airbrushed, so I’m thinking a stripped back record on a four-track recorder is a punk move.”

Despite having done almost noth-ing but write and record for three years, Regan plans to take a break from writing albums conventionally. However, he does have some projects, including a film soundtrack lined up. Regan sees himself as a very visual artist, who both directs music video and paints, as well as writing and re-cording music. “I’m starting to real-ise, it’s as necessary for me to paint as it is, for me to do music.” While his

main music influences range between folk such as Bob Dylan, to rock like the Kinks and the Smiths, he also has influences far outside the conventions of musical artistry, such as poetry and art.

While Regan loves to perform on stage, he is not a huge fan of being on tour, and prefers to stay at home and record rather than go out on the road. “I suppose it’s a cliché in some respects but I love the show part of it. The rest of it is a mixed bag of tricks. I feel like I can’t do things like paint or write as much [on tour]. You try and you get some stuff done, but the focus definitely shifts, you have responsibil-ity. It’s harder to be responsible for writing your next record. When I did

my first record I probably went on the road far too long. I didn’t really know and all of a sudden America opened up, and Australia and these other places. They were definitely valuable for me as a writer to see all those plac-es. Artistically, I don’t think a three-year plan around an album suits me”.

This does put Regan somewhat at odds with many others in his profes-sion, as with the advent of easily ac-cessible free downloading of music and the decline in record sales, more and more artists are relying on heavy touring to make money. Regan does not seem remotely phased by this and adds: “I don’t play the game, so I don’t expect game results in a commercial way.” However, he does worry occa-sionally about conflicts with his man-agement, telling Otwo: “Every time I talk about the possibility of touring less, I fear that the phone is going to ring.”

Regan views himself as not being one who plays the game, but one who goes along with the mainstream and someone who has an independent mind. It may be for this reason that he has been at odds with record labels before. In 2008, with producer Ethan Johns he recorded an album that was never ultimately released. “There are a few points, purposely between my first and second record, I got into cer-tain situations where I was led to be-lieve I was allowed to be an artist, but maybe naively on my part I believed that. It turned out to be a very differ-ent world when I walked through the wardrobe. In that time period I just decided if I keep it simple and honest and pure, what more can I do?”

Regan feels uncomfortable being labelled a singer-songwriter, and feels like somewhat of an outsider in that world. “There’s a cliché’s idea of what a troubadour is supposed to be, and I’ve never really fitted into that. Not because I haven’t wanted to, but there’s a preconceived idea of what a show might be and that boxes off a singer-songwriter. I’ve never done that; becoming a singer-songwriter just happened by accident”.

Fionn Regan plays The Olympia on October 25th. Tickets priced from €20.90. The Bunkhouse Vol. 1: Anchor Black Tattoo is out now.

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MUSIC OTWO

It’s Friday afternoon, and Frightened Rabbit are due on stage at The Academy in a few hours’ time, and they are

nowhere to be found. Sound check-ing has sort of taken place without them and a group of journalists have formed a semi-orderly queue. Otwo should have been disgruntled by the time the band eventually arrive, but we are quite the opposite when we come face to face with Scott Hutchison, the band’s lead singer. Could it be the roguish handsome-ness or the Scottish accent that won us over, or a combination of the two?

Frightened Rabbit, a pet name given to Hutchison by his mother as a result of his chronic shyness when he was little, was stage moniker used by Hutchison when he first started off in 2003. Since then Frightened Rabbit has grown and grown, from a solo mission to fully fledged band, con-sisting of his brother Grant Hutchison on drums, guitarist Andy Monaghan, bassist Billy Kennedy and keyboardist Gordon Skene. When the band were first starting off they would give out their email address to people who wanted to receive a demo, when only a few responded the band decided to send out biscuits with their music.

“Basically I felt that if people didn’t want our music, they might want a biscuit instead. We went for quite a hardy biscuit, they were a Scottish shortbread but with raisons in them. I met a couple of people who are like, ‘I’ve still got mine!’ and I’m like ‘That’s disgusting, that was five years ago!’” says Hutchison confidently, de-spite his restricted use of eye contact, implying that perhaps his shyness hasn’t quite dissappitated entirely.

“It’s weird, it’s a contrast in my character whereby I can quite easily go out and perform in front of a cou-ple of thousand people, but if you put me in front of a bunch of strangers, I’ll just clam up.”

Given the amount of media atten-tion Frightened Rabbit have gotten over the last while, interviews such as this can’t be a pleasant experience for him. “Well I’m working right now, so I’m switched on.”

The act of flicking a switch to access a different element of Hutchison’s character, to cope with

Scottish indie-rock quintet Frightened Rabbit take time out before their Dublin show to chat to Emily Mullen about coping with imperfection and buying people’s love with biscuits

Frightened Rabbit

“It’s weird, it’s a contrast in my character whereby I can quite easily go out and perform in front of a couple of thousand people, but if you put me in front of a bunch of strangers, I’ll just clam up

touring and to forget some of the im-perfections of the live performance is much like the switch that must be flipped in order to perform in front of a crowd. “You do flick a switch I think. The way you behave on tour can be not the most adult existence, just from the perspective of having a tour manager who sorts everything out for us, so we don’t really have to deal with day to day normal issues, I guess. It doesn’t make you very grown up, it’s like you’re a teenager again and you have your mum minding you; you can cope with the messiness of the tour because it is not normality to you”.

Hailing from Selkirk, just outside Glasgow, the band rub shoulders with local Glaswegian bands such as Biffy Clyro and We Were Promised Jet Packs. “It’s not a very big place. I think you just find yourselves social-ising with them for a start. You kind of end up in the same pubs, drinking

in the same places and yeah, you become friends. Aye, good pals’. With a lot of Scottish bands com-ing to the forefront in recent years Hutchison adds: “I mean it’s always been good, but it comes in waves. It is such a creative hub and there’s always something good going on. But I’m like a granddad now, I don’t have a finger on the pulse or anything anymore.”

Sharing the job of writ-ing with his band on this EP and coming album, Hutchison describes it as a positive experience in contrast to his previous bouts of recording: “For the last one, I went down to a friend’s house by the sea and I wrote it on my own for like a month and a half. I just didn’t want to do that anymore; I was lonely, I was bored and sad.”

This time around though writing the EP and impending album with his band, Hutchison describes it as “definitely the darkest stuff that we’ve ever done. It’s taken a bit of a turn, I don’t know what happened, some-thing went wrong last year. I just retreated into this horrible hole of a mind space. I mean I still write the

lyrics and for this album and I tried to take some of the emphasis off my own life, and look a bit wider, to tell a story with someone else, so I tried to force myself into that, but then it just came back to me. I couldn’t really resist, things happen and you need to get them figured out. You write about what you know. I tried to challenge myself to try and stay away from that, but then I did I did eventually end up making an album partly about failures.”

Frightened Rabbit’s EP State Hospital is out September 25th.

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mixtapeSOnGS TO PUMP IROn TO

‘Eye of the Tiger’ - SurvivorAnyone with any aspirations for muscular greatness should have this track included in their respective playlists. You’ll feel awesome listening to this tune whilst pummelling a punch bag. You may even get too pumped and end up being thrown out of the gym for starting a handbag fight, just like Rocky.

‘I’m Sexy and I Know It’ - LMFAOThe lyrics “Look at that body” and “I work out” make up the chorus, the bridge and the majority of the verses, much like how exercise can slowly turn you into a mundane,narcissistic bint. If that isn’t modification techniques, I don’t know what is.”

‘The new Workout Plan’ – Kanye WestIt’s a classic find, stumbled upon when the iPhone was accidentally put on shuffle and Kanye’s album was mysteriously not deleted. It involves ghetto booty’d bitches shouting encouragement to each other mid-workout: “Tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this. Give head, stop breathe, get up, check your weave.”

‘Boom Boom’ - VengaboysAny song that was in the charts circa 1990s is perfect workout music. What else but a bit of nostalgia could make you want to plank your former fatty-self away? Remember back in the days of Saved by the Bell, and those Ben Stiller films that weren’t terrible, and when youhad puppy fat rather that just fat? This cheesy, loud, obnoxious pop is just what the doctor ordered when your legs start a crampin’ and your morale starts a wainin’.

.

With many believing that the opening of the new gym is a tactless hint from UCDto partake in this new phenomenon called ‘exercise,’ Evan O’Quigley has created a mix to help you get your ass in gear‘Jump’ – Van HalenThe good version of the song, before it was ruined and bastardised by Glee (like every other good song in the world). You’ll feel hilariously silly doing jumping jacks to this. Then again, most grown-ups should feel ashamed doing little girls’ playground pursuits in the gym, even if they do work on your “core.”

‘Clothes Off’ – Gym Class HeroesGreat fun for doing squat thrusts to, just don’t get too carried away and actually take your clothes off. I’m quite sure that’s frowned upon or completely illegal or something. Stay away from that general area of public exposure, or at least don’t do your squat thrusts in the new gym, please.

‘Chariots of Fire’ - VangelisThe iconic theme music to the film of the same name, this song has since become synonymous with the Olympic Games. It’s also great fun to run to, in slow motion with the treadmill on the lowest possible speed. It won’t do anything to get you in shape, but you’lllook awesome, or possibly just like a tosser from an Ok Go video.

‘Loaded’ - Primal Scream“My body tells me no, but I won’t quit, cause I want more.” I think they were probably talking about lady problems, but you could easily apply this to working out. The veins might be popping out of your arms, and you might have thrown up a bit from going to long on the treadmill without a

break, but you’ve got to keep in there.

HeathersHi there!

Welcome to the first fortnightly update from Heathers. We were truly honoured to be asked by the University Observer to be their guest music con-tributors for this volume. So from now until May 2013 (whether you like it or not!), we’re going to be giving you a flavour of what’s going on in the world of Heathers, and maybe telling you about some of the music we’ve been listening to also.

So, for those of you who don’t know who we are: we are Ellie and Louise MacNamara, aka Heathers. We have had a busy time since releasing our debut album in 2008. We’ve both been through college (Ellie studied teaching, while Louise did Music Technology) but have been full-time musicians with Heathers since recording our second album in 2011. It’s a little bit terrifying!

We were absolutely delighted to see our second album, Kingdom, released on Friday, the September 7th. Recorded with producer Max Dingel (White Lies), the demos from this album led to us signing a global deal with Universal Music Publishing UK. That has led to our music recently being used on TV shows like The Voice UK, Wimbledon, Waterloo Road and a major cable TV show in the USA called Mob Wives.

Another exciting development for us has been extending the Heathers band to four people. With Tom and Boomer, our London-based band, on board, the whole thing seems to be taking shape much more. It also means our live shows are much more expansive. In fact, this September we will play headline shows all over Ireland, along with some great support acts.

For those of you who just know us from ‘Remember When,’ the song that was used on The Discover Ireland TV and radio ad campaign, you’ll definitely see a big difference in the new set up, but more about that another week.

That’s all from us for now. We are really looking forward to checking in with you every two weeks and letting you know how things are going for us. In the meantime, if you happen to be around, we’re playing in Dublin, Cork, Galway, Belfast, Limerick, Waterford, and Dundalk from the end of September through to the beginning of October, and we’d love to see you at any of shows!

Love,Louise and Ellie xx

Heathers play The Academy on September 29th. A full list of their Irish tour dates are available on their website, heathersmusic.net. Kingdom is out now.

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MUSIC OTWO

Bob Dylan - TempestGrade: B+

alBUm REVIEWS

Bob Dylan’s 35th studio album, Tempest, sees the folk-rock icon on top of his game even after 50 years of recording. Dylan, the man capa-ble of sparking so many resistance movements and singing the woes and plight of so many throughout the decades, has succeeded in producing yet another modern commentary, one that could rival even the most cutting edge rapper’s depiction of life.

Dylan’s earlier themes of longing and desire have been forgone for ones of corruption, violence and evil. Set from Dylan’s own point of view, this record tells of the violence and carnage in modern life. This vitriolic and ominous stance is significantly different from Dylan’s 2009 album, Together Through Life, which was a celebration of the serenity of love.

Though his vocals are waning slightly, Dylan’s storytelling is as sharp as ever. Despite the lack of met-aphoric reverence and vivid detailing on this album, Dylan, the soothing bard, is still capable of captivating his audience. ‘Tin Angel,’ a chilling ballad that tells a Shakespearian love story, is both enthralling and tragic.

The album title track, a retell-ing of the sinking of the Titanic set to an Irish-folk tune, may be some of Dylan’s greatest storytelling yet. Finally Dylan closes curtain with a tribute to John Lennon. ‘Roll on John’ is a moving piece of artistry, which reminds us while Dylan is still standing after all the years, many of his friends and fellow artists are not.

In a Nutshell: Age has not slowed down Dylan one bit. ‘That son of a bitch is brave andgetting braver.’

by Evan O’Quigley

Pet Shop Boys - ElysiumGrade: C+

Elysium is the eleventh studio al-bum from London synth-pop duo, Pet Shop Boys, marking 26 years since the original debut of Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe. Recorded by Kanye West’s producer, Andrew Dawson, the results are not so radically differ-ent from their previous ten releases.

Despite the lack of diversity, Lowe and Tennant deliver a complete and fluid record just good enough to re-tain their extensive stake in the mu-sic industry and in their fans iTunes’ collection.

Elysium opens with ‘Leaving’, a track that hooks you with its upbeat tone and superb string arrangement before leading into more traditional sounding Pet Shop Boys’ tracks such as ‘A Face Like That’ and ‘Memory of the Future’. ‘Ego Music’ features some brilliant spoken word sections by Tennant in which he satirises the self-indulgence and false modesty of other artists in the music industry.

Surprisingly it is one of the al-bum’s first tracks, ‘Winner’, which is the only disappointing piece of the record. The song’s tone and subject matter only really work within the context of an Olympic year and it would not be surprising if this song were to quickly fade into obscurity, much like this album might fade into the bands’ extensive discography.

In a Nutshell: A solid albeit a pre-dictable album by the Boys

by Steven Balbernie

The xx - CoexistGrade: A-

After their eponymous debut LP, The xx had a lot to live up to. While Coexist has mostly avoided disap-pointing, it doesn’t quite offer the same surprise that xx caused three years ago.

Romy Madley-Croft, Oliver Sim and Jamie Smith have stuck close to their signature fragile sound, but the experience they have gained since xx’s release is audible. With Jamie xx spending most of that time remix-ing everyone from Florence and the Machine, to Radiohead to Adele, he seems to have gained a huge amount of confidence, and this accompanied by Madley-Croft and Sim’s hushed, almost haunting vocals gives you the xx you know, but with a much deeper, more refined sound than before.

At the same time, Coexist manages to be almost more skeletal than its predecessor, only featuring the spi-dery guitars and sketchy bass so typ-ical of The xx, along with intermit-tent, unobtrusive percussion. Their minimalistic approach stretches as far as taking advantage of the simplic-ity of quiet; with ‘Missing’ pausing for

a few moments of radio silence before an electrifying return.

While the album lacks a standout pop track, it has its own xx blend of dance-floor fillers in ‘Reunion’ and ‘Sunset’, but the hooks of ‘VCR’ and ‘Islands’ have vanished. The opening tracks, ‘Angels’ and ‘Chained’ are eas-ily the best on the album, despite be-ing some of the most gentle on there. They feel frank and open, almost na-ked, and yet, still manage to create an intrigue which takes you through the remainder of the record.

The xx haven’t exactly broken any new ground, but it is a return in form that still manages to feel fresh, while never abandoning the slight, under-stated genius in their signature sound.

In a Nutshell: A low-key triumph.

by Aoife Valentine

22

OTWO

SOCIETY SPOTLIGHT: FILMSOC

With the new cinema now open in UCD, we shine

a spotlight on the society that serve

to gain the most from this.This year the Film Society is

going to be bigger and bet-ter than it has ever been before and that’s a prom-

ise. Film Soc’s new home for all its film screenings is the new 88-seater, state-of-the-art cinema located inside the new Student Centre. We have at least two film screenings a week, tak-ing place on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 6pm. The screenings are for mem-bers only, but it is only €2 to sign up for the year. Free popcorn will be available at all the screenings, cour-tesy of our new popcorn machine, and if that doesn’t tantalise your taste buds, then the sponsorship deal with Four Star Pizza might, with all big screenings including free pizza and soft drinks.

Events this year will include Film

Soc hosting an annual inter-society Halloween Party and running amaz-ing value-for-money pub crawls throughout the year. This year is also host to the first ever Film Society Ball, which will take place on Thursday 8th November.

Other events this year include the Film Society holding the Film Intervarsities: a weekend of film-making with film students from all over the country, as well as the return of our trip to London. We’ll be visit-ing the Harry Potter Studios where they show how the films were made, along with a trip to the Houses of Parliament.

We will be having group cin-ema excursions to see some of the year’s most anticipated films, and our screenings will include several

marathons including the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which will be spread across three days in anticipation for the release of The Hobbit (fancy dress optional). For a full list of all our films coming out this year just ask us at the Fresher’s Stand.

The start of April will see us host our sixth Annual National Student Film Festival in the new and old stu-dent centres. Thanks to the cinema it should be bigger and better than ever before, with special guests, work-shops, and a wide variety of student films from across the country.

Come down and visit us at Freshers’ Week, and pop down to our screening of Battle Royale on Tuesday 18th at 6pm, which will then be followed by a meet and greet, or our Disney Marathon in association

with the Little Lifetime Foundation on Thursday 20th from 5 ‘til 10pm. We will be screening The Lion King, Aladdin, and another Disney film (voted for on the stands earlier in the week) back to back.

Finally I leave you with a final plea to join in the fun of one of the most active societies for the coming year. I think this is the beginning of a beauti-ful friendship.

- Thomas Newlove, Auditor.

Taking place in the distant future, Bypass centres on a “ritual” that seeks to pre-serve the long lost halcyon days of hu-manity on Earth.

The audience is greeted in the foyer by Jenny, an interface similar to H.A.L. in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Jenny guides the audience into the rest of the building, which functions as the space craft Sunflower Estates 6. Here we find five astronats arguing over damaged life support equipment.

Jenny annouces to the astronauts that wa-ter and oxygen supplies are depleted and the hull is breeched. Since there is little time left, all they can do is send a distress signal and make a last recording.

The body of the play is the five doomed astronauts acting out a ritual. This ritual has been passed down over generations and in their final moments they enact and record it. The ritual in question is the performance of a soap opera-like tale of suburban living. Each astronaut plays a variety of characters that include store owners, housewives and telemarketers. The characters of the ritual discuss the effect a new bypass will have on their community; how it will damage local business, remove housing and the local poli-tics that follows.

The most engaging aspect of the play is the relationship between the astronauts and their parts in the ritual as their situation dawns on them. The plays gains a new tense dramatic force as the astronauts break character, fum-ble over lines and storm off. Suddenly we are confronted not with melodramatic suburban-ites but with people who are about to die and are trying to preserve their human heritage. It is the relationship to the ritual and not the

ritual itself that is the most poignant.The main issue with the play was its mixed mes-

sages regarding the breaking of the fourth wall. The audience is brought to believe that we are on this spaceship, but once seated no reference is made to this again. During the ritual itself it’s as if you are viewing the recording that was made rather than

the making of the recording. This meant that at the end of the play an audience member could rightly ask “where was I during that?” However, even taking that into account, it is still both a thought provoking and enjoyable play. The acting is solid thoughout and the play-within-a-play device is handled excellently by all involved.

What’s On: Dublin Fringe - Bypass by Jesse Weaver

Review by David Connolly

23

FASHIOn OTWO

The Girl Who StayedAs more and more young Irish are leaving their native shore, stylist and editor,

Aisling Farinella, tells Anna Burzlaff why emigration isn’t the only option

If there’s one thing the Irish know how to do, it’s emigrate. Particularly when it pertains to the arts, Irish people have a

tendency to pack up shop and leave for distant shores. As of late standout designers, musicians, and artists car-rying an Irish name have found the home market too constrictive a play-ing field and have sought creative ex-pression elsewhere. It goes without saying that the Irish creative hub is minute and unfortunately, more of-ten than not, causes only splashes verses the waves of its international counterparts.

If you happen to have chosen a path in the arts it can be hard to picture yourself staying in a country that claims Ryan Tubridy as a cultural fig-ure head. It’s a sad reality for a place so rife with talent. Aisling Farinella, a young and gifted stylist, who counts working on Rihanna’s We Found Love video among her achievements, has recently emerged with her new fash-ion publication, Thread, and is prov-ing that there is in fact a place within the Irish market for those with a crea-tive eye.

“If you’re missing something you may as well just do it yourself,” Farinella says as she swings from side to side on her wheelie chair in her charming South Dublin studio. “There’s a phenomenal amount of amazing Irish people working in-ternationally in fashion, and I think that’s something completely looked over all the time. If we channel into that a bit more, then the people who

are here will have the confidence to do stuff, and to do stuff here. You don’t need to go away to be good at something.”

Farinella is a testament to her own words. Following a couple of years of floundering, the Dublin native found herself, somewhat unexpectedly, pursuing a career in styling: “I had a friend who was a photographer and he asked me to style a shoot, because he knew I was doing a bit of ward-robe. I really didn’t have a clue about fashion, styling, nothing. I said yes. I did one shoot with him and I abso-lutely loved it, and that’s where it all began.”

After establishing the Loft Market, a creative market place for young designers, along with embarking on ventures in fashion buying, Farinella, who had maintained her job as a styl-ist throughout, decided to add editing to her list of skills. Thread magazine is her latest venture; a refreshing ad-dition to the Irish fashion scene, it includes interviews with designers and artists alike, and contains crisp fashion spreads that wouldn’t go amiss on the pages of Vogue. Yet, one of the most striking aspects of Thread is its emphasis on the range of crea-tive talent Ireland itself has to offer: “[I wanted to] make it very Irish and independent but without having a green flag or a leprechaun jumping around on the front of it.”

It’s reassuring to think that such a platform exists in Dublin. One could be forgiven for assuming that all things high-fashion came under the

dominance of our British neighbour. Even Farinella admits that the mar-ket here can be stifling: “In a way it’s something that you kind of wake up every morning and think: ‘what the hell am I doing here?’”

Forsaking moments of doubt, Farinella opted to stay and has man-aged to carve out a living for herself in her native city. For all the oppor-tunities that Dublin may fail to offer, there are also benefits in staying put: “I was learning new things, being challenged, and they were opportu-nities that I think I was lucky to get here, and would have been very hard to come by in London.”

Perhaps it’s not all that surpris-ing that Farinella refused to follow the Irish template and make the pilgrimage to London. She is not necessarily what you would expect when you hear the words fashion editor. Soft-spoken and unassum-ing, the UCD alumna is different to the archetypal figure of the ruthless

Amazonian-looking fembot, whose personality is drawn straight from the pages of The Devil Wear Prada. She is an extremely successful stylist who admits that her choice of degree was based on its level of difficultly, or lack thereof: “I did the flakiest sub-jects. I did Italian, because I’m half Italian and already had fluent Italian, so I thought that would be easy enough, and I did Greek and Roman Civilisation as well, which everybody said was the easiest thing. So I actu-ally went for the easiest things, it’s a bit shameful.”

Farinella neither conforms in the manner in which she began her ca-reer nor the manner in which she is choosing to carry it out. While Irish natives such as Simone Rocha are waving the nation’s flag on an inter-national platform, Aisling Farinella has rooted her feet firmly on Irish ground and with that is proving that you don’t have to leave where you’re from to create something great.

There’s a phenomenal amount of amazing Irish people working interna-

tionally in fashion, and I think that’s something

completely looked over all the time. If we channel

into that a bit more, then the people who

are here will have the confidence to

do stuff, and to do stuff here. You don’t need to go away to be good

at something

“

24

OTWO FASHIOn

New Kids on the BlockCollege brings a whole new set of sartorial rules for fi rst years to contend with,

but this year’s bunch are ahead of the pack, writes Michael Madigan

These fi rst years don’t need to be told how to dress: within their fi rst hours at UCD they already have college style down to a T. Gone is the time when early mornings meant falling into your uniform and this

year’s freshers are determined to make an eff ort for their entry into academia.

While some struggle with the transition from school to college style, this lot demonstrate that there’s no need to panic over what to throw on in the morn-ing. Every look is casual, and while consideration has been given to each individual outfi t, nothing has been overthought. Our freshers are not only well styled, but it’s obvious that their clothes refl ect their person-ality. You’re not in school anymore kids. You’ve sar-torially started out on the right foot. As Yves Saint Laurent once said: “Fashion fades, style is eternal.” Much like the lifelong memories of your new UCD life.

With such a well-dressed lot exploring the campus, Otwo took to the concourse to ask the newcomers what their fi rst impressions of Belfi eld style were, and if they think their individual way of dressing is going to change from school to college.

First fashion impressions of UCD: “Style here is very relaxed, lots of denim and hoodies.”

Changing style from school to college: “There’s more emphasis on what you would like to wear,

since there’s no uniform anymore.”

Jennifer Akpe-Moses Science

Eimear Frew English with Drama

First fashion impressions of UCD: “Very mixed tastes. I can’t see a particularly obvious trend.”

Changing style from school to college: “I have no set style. I like to see what suits me fi rst.”

25

FASHIOn OTWO

Jamie Mann Sociology & Economics

First fashion impression of UCD? “It’s very casual, but there’s a lot of people wearing skinny jeans!”

Changing style from school to college? “It’s not really a prob-lem. I just need more clothes!”

Sadhbh HynesArchitecture

First fashion impressions of UCD: “I haven’t seen too much, but so far it seems pretty nice.”

Changing style from school to college: “Back then I dressed for comfort.”

26

OTWO

On the Thursday of Orientaton week, the auditor of the L&H arrived at the door of the Observer office completely unannounced with the guest for their afternoon debate: Steve Englehart.

This was the beginning of one of the stranger in-terviews ever conducted by this magazine, which featured a two-hour break and Englehart return-ing to the office with a massive wad of candy floss, pausing occasionally to eat it.

Steve Englehart began writing comics in 1972 for Marvel working on The Avengers He later moved to DC where he wrote stories for almost all of their characters. If you can think of a su-perhero, Englehart has probably written a sto-ryline involving them and the immensity of his influence on the world of superheroes is hard to quantify. He later left the comic book indus-try and worked in the design of video games and is currently working on more traditional writing projects.

He explained that while he enjoyed his ca-reer in the industry that he is best known for, it would take a lot for him to return to it: “In the early ‘70s and ‘80s, we were given complete freedom to write whatever we wanted. It was a continuous hot bed of creativity and it was really fun, but over time it became more and more Hollywood-ised.”

In the ‘70s comics were written from scratch on a monthly or bimonthly basis, the only real constraints on writing were that the book had to sell and that he had to meet deadlines. Once superhero films became an important source of revenue for publishers, they started to become a lot more protective over their intellectual property. “The idea that I have to tell you what I’m going to write twelve issues from now and when I get there no matter what ideas I’ve had in the mean time, didn’t appeal to me so I got away from that… I can understand it, now that both companies are owned by giant conglomer-ates, and that movies are where the money is. You can’t be screwing up the characters down in the piddling little comic books anymore.”

In 1976, Englehart started working for DC, where he was drafted in to to revamp their col-lection of major characters. He was one of the first writers to shift the tone of Batman’s comic appearances to a much darker, serious level. As a fan of comics he wanted to write in a certain way: “I was always trying to think of what’s the coolest thing I could get out of this character. I wanted that vibe of fighting a maniac in a rain-storm at 3am, that kind of scariness to Batman. The other thing I wanted to do is give him a sex life; I wanted to see the guy who was in the costume, not just the costume. I love the world of the costume, but I wanted to see who was in it and that seemed like the best way to do that was to give him a sex life, a girlfriend he actually slept with. He had many girlfriends over the years; they were girls who’d turn up to a party if he needed them, he never had a rela-tionship. In American comics, a sex life wasn’t only unheard of, it was also not thought of.“

Some of Englehart’s most important work came from his writing storylines involving The Joker in Batman comics. He was one of the first authors to explore the idea that super-villains are more than just a camp criminal that dons a mask and commits crimes at night but that

they are actually psychologically damaged in-dividuals. “About a year ago, I did a panel and had to dig into what is the Joker, and I came up with this thing: When he wants to rob a bank, he doesn’t just rob a bank, he sits there and says, I also like ponies, how could I get a pony into that plan? He wants to accomplish some-thing, he’s not just nuts, out on a street-corner

babbling. He wants to do it in the most fun way possible for his ridiculous self-image.”

His writing of The Joker, and the Batman and Bruce Wayne characters was immensely important, not only for the DC canon, but also for the comic book industry, and to a certain extent the film industry as well. Without him the human side of heroes and villains might not be explored to the extent that it is today.

He is not overly optimistic about the future of the printed comic industry, however. “Everyone knows superheroes, but they know them from the movies, and the movies are where the mon-ey is… Going forward there’s going to be more movies, and sales for comics aren’t good. We used to sell quarters of a million, now if you sell 40-50,000, that’s a success. I’m not sure what would turn that around. Maybe if eve-ryone had an iPad and they could distribute them … People will always want stories. I’m not overly optimistic about printed material. If it’s printed, it’ll be on your Kindle or on your iPad, otherwise it’ll be in your ear from somebody reading it to you: that’s just evolution. I don’t know what will push people towards buying books or comics again.“

His series of novels The Point Man is available from Tor Books.

An Interview with Steve Englehart

Comic book writing veteran and novelist Steve Engelhart talks to Conor Kevin O’Nolan about his ac-complishments and what heenvisions as the future of the industry

27

OTWO

FATAL FOURWAY

best returning tv series

In the fi rst frantic Fatal Fourway of Volume XIX, our editors fi ght it out to decide which TV series most deserves to be back on our screens

Doctor Who

emer Sugrue

Doctor Who, one of the longest run-ning tv shows in history, has graced our screens with it’s timey-wimey brilliance once more this semester. Returning for it’s 33rd series, only a fool or a Dalek could argue that this isn’t the best thing on television. The Thick of It? Pah. Grey’s Anatomy? I spit on you and your dreamy stars. Girls? Well, I’ve never heard of it but I assume it’s rubbish.

Doctor Who is said to be for kids, but I only started watching it at 20 and it scared my four year old niece shitless last Christmas so what does that tell you? That Doctor Who is very much a show that I, a twenty-some-thing, should be watching and it’s not weird at all.

Doctor Who has everything you could want from a series: love, mys-tery, action, a leggy redheadwho nev-er wears trousers, homicidal robots and most importantly, time travel. Through this series we have seen the end of the universe, the big bang and everything in between.

All the other shows here have noth-ing but dull, pedestrian, linear time structures. I don’t want to have watch a show that follows the normal pro-gression of time, what is it, the ‘50s? No, it’s the ‘60s and that’s why you should vote for Doctor Who.

Grey’s Anatomy

aoife Valentine

Girlsanna Burzlaff

The Thick Of It

Conor Luke Barry

Before we even begin this year, you may as well all stop trying. As the reigning Fourway champion, I know all the tricks of the trade. While Emer might have convinced you to change your religious views on Facebook to Steven Moffat-ism, I know that the students of UCD really just want hot doctors and questionable medicinal practices.

If you’re willing to wait until January for your next TV fix then sure, go with Anna, but don’t expect to fi nd your McDreamy, or even your McGeorge in Girls. All you get is Adam, who’ll do no more than make you slightly uncomfortable. And let’s face it; Conor’s choice isn’t much better. Anything covering the inner workings of the British government will not contain anyone’s daily recom-mended allowance of McSteamy.

Even if you’re not convinced by the hot doctors and terrible medicine, if you’ve seen the season eight fi nale, you’ll know that Grey’s is the right choice. In the aftermath of one of the saddest Grey’s deaths since Denny and George, Sloan’s heartbreak, Cristina’s meta-commentary on ‘Seattle Grace Mercy Death’ and half the cast sup-posedly leaving, there’s a ridiculous amount of reasons to tune into sea-son nine. There’s really no other op-tion when it’s the only one with real doctors.

What’s that? Why even bother ar-guing that Girls is the far superior TV show in this unevenly matched Fourway? Oh, Otwo reader you are wise. Despite the futility of this whole debate, I feel I owe it to my fellow writers to inform them why their taste in television is so shockingly misguided.

I think my generation breathes a collective sigh of relief at the news that Girls is returning for a second season. Finally we can all rest easy knowing that the sociological relics of our female generation won’t be con-fi ned to the likes of Grey’s Anatomy, a show which has about the same in-tellectual credibility as a potato. Put plainly, Girls is one of the few things on television which portrays women as more than mindless sex symbols.

As far as Doctor Who is concerned, I think the only people who are ex-cited by its return are those who have nothing better to do on Saturday night than watch Doctor Who. I’ve never even heard of The Thick of It, which goes to show just how inconsequen-tial it is.

Really, this is no competition, Girls is an excellently-written pillar of the ever important post- feminist move-ment. Grey’s Anatomy, on the other hand, is pretty much just a show about some guy’s hair.

I have a distinct advantage in this fortnight’s Fourway because I made the wise choice of picking the objec-tively better show. For those not in the loop, The Thick of It is a satirical political comedy that lampoons the ineffi ciencies of a small department of a fi ctitious British government. As I typed that I realised how dull that sounds but don’t let my failure as a writer stop you from appreciating the greatest innovation in television since the invention of the television.

If any more convincing is necessary it should be noted that The Thick of It originates from the mind of comedy demigod Armando Iannucci, co-cre-ator of shows like I’m Alan Partridge and The Day Today. He is allegedly re-ferred to as the ‘hardman of political satire’ and while that may be the lam-est phrase available in print media it’s also an accurate description of a man who, in comedic terms, is the Second Coming of Christ.

So pull up a chair and get ready for the imminent onslaught of parades in celebration of the return of the show that Michael Jordan described as ‘bet-ter at being hilarious than I am at bas-ketball’. If Mozart hadn’t devoted his life to music but instead devoted it to creating satirical political comedies, you would need the input of about twelve Mozarts to make a show this spectacular. It’s very good is what I’m saying.

Go on the University Observer Facebook page and have your say: what is the best returning TV series?

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INFO@UNIVERSITYOBSERVER.IE and one of our reporters will investigate!

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podcasters for 2012/2013. If you’re interested, email us at CONTRIBUTORS@UNIVERSITYOBSERVER.IE with your name, course, mobile number and what you’d like to get involved with, and we’ll get back to you

with everything you need to know.