Opening a negotiation: language

Greetings Introductions, if necessary Small talk, in most cases Getting comfortable, if necessary (drinks,

sitting down…) Transition to negotiation (setting agenda)Establishing positions

(establishing good lines of communication)

Interactional Style – what is it?

A person’s habitual, often subconscious, patterns of acting and speaking in interaction with other people

More indirect styleMore direct style

Possible miscommunication:

Feels confused, impatient

Feels offended, pushed

Interactional style dimensions

•Wider culture

•Community norms

•Family norms

•Individual personality

•Education, school and work

•Immediate context/situation

•Mood, health…

Interactional style is influenced by:

Let’s try another dimension of style…

Find one partner One person in the pair sit with your back to this

screen (so you can’t see it). You will be talking about a recent trip you took (for vacation or work) for 3 minutes.

Other person: While your partner is talking, MAKE LESS EYE CONTACT than is usual for you. Otherwise, try to act normally.

Less eye contactMore eye contact

Possible miscommunication:

Feels other doesn’t care

Feels other is aggressive

Interactional style dimensions

Possible miscommunication:

Talks all the time, trying to fill the awkward silences

Rarely talks; ‘can’t get a word in edgewise’

Interactional style dimensions

Fewer, shorter pauses Frequent overlap of talk

More, longer pauses Rare overlap of talk

Information should be volunteered

Ask questions to get information

Possible miscommunication:

Asks all the questions, Waits for questions, feels other doesn’t care about him/her

Waits for other to volunteer information; feels interrogated

Interactional style dimensions

Less pitch variation

Wide pitch variation

Possible miscommunication:

Thinks other is boring, disinterested

Thinks other is overly emotional, excitable

Interactional style dimensions

Less use of gesture, body movement

Frequent use of gesture, body movement

Possible miscommunication:

Feels other is disinterested, uninspired

Feels other is overly excitable, unprofessional

Interactional style dimensions

Softer voiceLouder voice

Possible miscommunication:

Feels other is timid, shy, or possibly weak

Feels other is aggressive, annoying

Interactional style dimensions

Infrequent ‘backchannels’

Frequent ‘backchannels’

Possible miscommunication:

Feels other is disinterested, or doesn’t understand

Feels other is interrupting, disruptive

Interactional style dimensions

Speaks only after thinking

Speaks as part of thinking

Possible miscommunication:

Thinks other is too cautious, conservative, not a quick thinker

Thinks other is too impulsive, not careful, not trustworthy

Interactional style dimensions

What can be done? Some options:

Be aware of possible style differences Don’t assume you know the others’ styles Stay observant in the interaction rather than

judgmental Try to identify style differences if they occur. Try to adjust your style somewhat Occasionally check in with the others – are they

comfortable with the interaction? Talk explicitly about style differences – name the

problem

Be aware of possible style differences

Before you begin a negotiation (or any interaction with a new person), be aware that that person may have different patterns of negotiating than you do. These patterns may be consciously employed, or subconsciously employed, or some mix of each. They may be intended to have a negative effect on you, or they may be intended to have a positive effect (though the actual effect may not match the intended effect!). Just being aware of the possibility of difference is the first step.

Don’t make assumptions about the others’ styles

Before you begin a negotiation, find out as much as you can about the other parties involved, as we discussed regarding preparation. Making possible predictions about their behavior is helpful, but don’t make assumptions about them or their styles based on cultural background, for example. You may be wrong and caught unawares.

Stay observant in the interaction rather than judgmental

During the negotiation, remain aware of the process as well as the content of the negotiation. What patterns of interaction are emerging in the negotiation? Who is talking, not talking, what is the body language of everyone involved, etc. Ask yourself, how do I feel about what is happening, and what can I do about it that will be productive to this process?

Try to identify specific style differences if they occur

Once you identify differences, they may not affect you as negatively.

For example, if you find yourself being interrupted often, notice this, and think about it. The person may be intending to disrupt you, or may simply have a style that allows and expects interruption. Instead of getting angry and/or withdrawing from the interaction, stay calm and focused and make sure you return to your own points after you are interrupted.

Try to adjust your own style somewhat

For example, if you find yourself being interrupted a lot, another option is to try calmly but firmly holding the floor when you are interrupted (i.e. don’t stop talking), instead of instantly relinquishing the floor. Likewise, if they are talking a lot, you can try politely interrupting them: “Excuse me, may I just say something here…”. Avoid becoming increasingly quiet because you feel overwhelmed or angry.

Occasionally check in with the others – are they comfortable with the interaction?

(This is particularly important if you are trying to establish or maintain a longer-term relationship).

If you suspect that your style may be dominating their style (because they are getting quiet, looking frustrated, etc.), you can explicitly ask them some questions. E.g.,‘Are you feeling comfortable with this decision? How do you feel about these terms? Have you had enough chance to discuss your concerns?’

Talk explicitly about what is happening – name the problem

For example, if you find yourself being interrupted a lot, try saying, ‘Excuse me, sorry to interrupt, but I feel like I’m having a hard time getting a word in. Could I take a few minutes to explain my perspective on this?’ If they are interrupting with no intention of disrupting you, then you have just helped to raise their awareness of what is happening. If they indeed are interrupting you to disrupt you, you have just politely asserted your right to not be treated this way.