ON LOVE AT HOMEON LOVE AT HOME

D. Calvin AndrusD. Calvin Andrus

A Fifth Sunday LessonA Fifth Sunday Lesson

Sterling Park WardSterling Park Ward

30 April 200630 April 2006

30 April 200630 April 2006 22

January 5, 1968January 5, 1968

• Stardate: 3211.7Stardate: 3211.7

• Star Trek, Season 2, Episode 46Star Trek, Season 2, Episode 46

• ““The Gamesters of Triskelion”The Gamesters of Triskelion”

• Three disembodied beings wager on Three disembodied beings wager on

fights staged by prisoners abducted fights staged by prisoners abducted

from around the galaxyfrom around the galaxy

30 April 200630 April 2006 33

Galt, Master ThrallGalt, Master Thrall

30 April 200630 April 2006 44

Focus on the Collar

Shahna, Trainer Shahna, Trainer ThrallThrall

30 April 200630 April 2006 55

Kirk and ProvidersKirk and Providers

30 April 200630 April 2006 66

Kirk Wins!Kirk Wins!

30 April 200630 April 2006 77

Collar of ObedienceCollar of Obedience

• How much would I How much would I

pay on eBay for a pay on eBay for a

“real” collar of “real” collar of

obedience?obedience?– I really could have I really could have

used a couple of used a couple of

them when my older them when my older

boys were teenagers boys were teenagers

. . .. . .

30 April 200630 April 2006 88

Obedience School?Obedience School?

• There are some fathers who have a There are some fathers who have a tendency to treat their home as an tendency to treat their home as an obedience school.obedience school.– That is, the principle they most often That is, the principle they most often emphasize in the home is obedience.emphasize in the home is obedience.

– Indeed, some husbands act like the Indeed, some husbands act like the person in their home who needs the most person in their home who needs the most “obedience training” is their wife.“obedience training” is their wife.

• Obedience training is for dogs, not Obedience training is for dogs, not family members.family members.

30 April 200630 April 2006 99

The DisobedientThe Disobedient

• When I was in junior high and When I was in junior high and

senior high school, wayward teens senior high school, wayward teens

were sent to reform schools, also were sent to reform schools, also

known as reformatories.known as reformatories.

• Sometimes we would be warned, “Do Sometimes we would be warned, “Do

you want to be sent to reform you want to be sent to reform

school?”school?”

30 April 200630 April 2006 1010

Salem Reform SchoolSalem Reform School

30 April 200630 April 2006 1111

Pruntytown Pruntytown ReformatoryReformatory

30 April 200630 April 2006 1212

Reform School?Reform School?

• There are some mothers who have a There are some mothers who have a tendency to treat their home as a tendency to treat their home as a reform school.reform school.– That is, the principle they most often That is, the principle they most often emphasize in the home is reform. (change)emphasize in the home is reform. (change)

– Indeed, some wives act like the person in Indeed, some wives act like the person in their home who needs the most “reform” is their home who needs the most “reform” is their husband.their husband.

• Reform school is for convicts, not Reform school is for convicts, not family members.family members.

30 April 200630 April 2006 1313

Imposing our WillImposing our Will

• In both the obedience school In both the obedience school and the reform school cases, we and the reform school cases, we are trying to get other family are trying to get other family members to behave the way WE members to behave the way WE want them to.want them to.– In essence, we want to impose our In essence, we want to impose our will on their will.will on their will.

30 April 200630 April 2006 1414

Expending EnergyExpending Energy

• Some of us spend considerable Some of us spend considerable emotional energy trying to emotional energy trying to change our family members.change our family members.– Or, if not trying to Or, if not trying to change them, we usechange them, we useup our energy up our energy grumbling that they grumbling that they haven’t changed.haven’t changed.

30 April 200630 April 2006 1515

Inside vs. OutsideInside vs. Outside

• Obedience or reform imposed Obedience or reform imposed

from the outside is temporaryfrom the outside is temporary– True reform--that brings one True reform--that brings one

closer to the Celestial Kingdom--closer to the Celestial Kingdom--

comes from within the personcomes from within the person

– Obedience is the natural state of Obedience is the natural state of

one who as given him/herself to one who as given him/herself to

ChristChrist

30 April 200630 April 2006 1616

A Better WayA Better Way

• Rather than expend so much energy Rather than expend so much energy

operating our homes asoperating our homes as

– obedience schools for children, orobedience schools for children, or

– reform schools for spouses,reform schools for spouses,

• Let me suggest we Let me suggest we

re-channel that energyre-channel that energy

and operate our homesand operate our homes

as ‘love’ schools. as ‘love’ schools.

30 April 200630 April 2006 1717

Guiding PrincipleGuiding Principle

• (Matt 7:3) And why (Matt 7:3) And why

beholdest thou the beholdest thou the

mote that is in thy mote that is in thy

brother's eye, but brother's eye, but

considerest not the considerest not the

beam that is in thine beam that is in thine

own eye?own eye?

30 April 200630 April 2006 1818

Re-focus the EnergyRe-focus the Energy

• Ask not what your family can do for Ask not what your family can do for

you (reform, obedience), but ask you (reform, obedience), but ask

what you can do for your family what you can do for your family

(love).(love).

[Apologies to JFK][Apologies to JFK]

30 April 200630 April 2006 1919

A “Love School” HomeA “Love School” Home

• Always be cheerful, regardless of the Always be cheerful, regardless of the circumstancescircumstances– Spilt milk and muddy carpetsSpilt milk and muddy carpets

– Late arrivals and departuresLate arrivals and departures

– Messy bedrooms and playroomsMessy bedrooms and playrooms

– Broken china, crashed carsBroken china, crashed cars

– Financial irresponsibilityFinancial irresponsibility

• Notice and appreciate the little thingsNotice and appreciate the little things– Meals, house work, yard work, repairs, Meals, house work, yard work, repairs, kindnesseskindnesses

30 April 200630 April 2006 2020

Replace Bad HabitsReplace Bad Habits

• Offer assistance, not criticismOffer assistance, not criticism• Give compliments, not complaintsGive compliments, not complaints• Teach by example, not by harangue Teach by example, not by harangue • Offer a warm heart, not a cold Offer a warm heart, not a cold shouldershoulder

• Be cooperative, not cantankerous Be cooperative, not cantankerous • Give hugs, not spankingsGive hugs, not spankings

30 April 200630 April 2006 2121

Love Actions and Love Actions and WordsWords• Perform lots of love ‘actions’ that Perform lots of love ‘actions’ that speak louder than love ‘words’speak louder than love ‘words’– It is very important to use the “Love” It is very important to use the “Love” word in conversations with family membersword in conversations with family members

– It is even more important to use “Love” It is even more important to use “Love” actions in our behavior toward our actions in our behavior toward our family.family.

• Too often I see people use the “Love” Too often I see people use the “Love” word to excuse non-”Love” behaviorword to excuse non-”Love” behavior– ““I love my husband, but . . .”I love my husband, but . . .”

– ““I love my parents, but . . .”I love my parents, but . . .”

30 April 200630 April 2006 2222

Acting in LoveActing in Love

• We act with love when we behave in We act with love when we behave in ways that show we put the interests ways that show we put the interests of the members of our family above of the members of our family above our own interests.our own interests.– Playing with childrenPlaying with children

– Taking teens to the mallTaking teens to the mall(yet, again!?!)(yet, again!?!)

– Helping with chores andHelping with chores anderrandserrands

– Supporting each other Supporting each other in assignmentsin assignments

30 April 200630 April 2006 2323

Love ActionsLove Actions

• Brethren, one love action Brethren, one love action that speaks louder to your that speaks louder to your wife than love words is:wife than love words is:

Emotional IntimacyEmotional Intimacy

• Sisters, one love action Sisters, one love action that speaks louder to your that speaks louder to your husband than love words husband than love words is:is:

Physical IntimacyPhysical Intimacy

30 April 200630 April 2006 2424

• Our homes are a schoolOur homes are a schoolwhere we teach and where we teach and practice lovepractice love– Love changes heartsLove changes hearts– Changed hearts reform peopleChanged hearts reform people– Reformed people obey Heavenly Reformed people obey Heavenly FatherFather

• We put the cart before the We put the cart before the horse when we focus on reform horse when we focus on reform and obedience instead of loveand obedience instead of love

First Things FirstFirst Things First

30 April 200630 April 2006 2525

30 April 200630 April 2006 2626

End or End or Continue . . . .Continue . . . .

30 April 200630 April 2006 2727

30 April 200630 April 2006 2828

Let’s Get CurrentLet’s Get Current

• One act of love we can all do is One act of love we can all do is to share the things our pride to share the things our pride keeps us from saying to our loved keeps us from saying to our loved onesones– ApologiesApologies– ForgivenessForgiveness– LoveLove

• Now is the time to stop the denial Now is the time to stop the denial and drop the pretense that gets in and drop the pretense that gets in the way of having solid honest the way of having solid honest relationships with those we love.relationships with those we love.

30 April 200630 April 2006 2929

The (Real) EndThe (Real) End

QuickTime™ and aCinepak decompressor

are needed to see this picture.