october 18, 2005

© 2005, Fleming/Oosterhout/Roseman/Sherwood. All rights reserved.

‘Top Ten’ Soft Skills in BusinessPresented at the Washington DC Chapter of the Project Management Institute

October 18, 2005

2© 2005, Fleming/Oosterhout/Roseman/Sherwood. All rights reserved.

Networking Jean Fleming

Making Introductions Russ Roseman

Speaking Extemporaneously in Public Russ Roseman

Giving Effective Praise Russ Roseman

Giving Constructive Criticism Stacie Sherwood

Listening Effectively Stacie Sherwood Negotiating Joan Oosterhout

Coping With Difficult People Joan Oosterhout

Confronting Conflict Jean Fleming

Being Diplomatic Jean Fleming

OpeningOpening

‘Top Ten’ Soft Skills in Business


OpeningOpening

Why These Skills Are Important

Research from the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE) shows that ‘soft skills’ make or break a technical professional’s career: “Engineering and personal performance are being judged on the additional personal skills that you bring to the table—and that you practice daily with your organization.” (IEEE Director Emeritus Theodore Hissey)

Co-workers, colleagues, clients, and other business contacts tend to judge your competence based in part on these ten soft skills.

These skills are used every day, yet for most of us they require lifelong practice.

These skills are interrelated, so the impact of their use or misuse may be cumulative.

Your perceived behavior will likely be reciprocated.


OpeningOpening Why These Skills Are Important (concluded)

Why are these soft skills important?

Used by permission of United Features Syndicate, Inc.


OpeningOpening

Purpose of This Presentation

This presentation is intended to provide memorable key points for both immediate and sustained use.


OpeningOpening

Housekeeping

The Team:– Jean Fleming– Joan Oosterhout– Russ Roseman– Stacie Sherwood

Structure of the presentation

Questions

Reference list

Take-away card


Networking


Networking Networking

What Is It and Why Is It Important?

What is it?– Expanding the number of one's business contacts by making

connections through personal interaction.

Why is it important?– Many opportunities, both corporate and individual, materialize

through relationships.– Organizations rely on new contacts for growth and resources.


NetworkingNetworking

Some Key Points

Attend events where you will meet others with similar interests.

Consider every gathering a networking opportunity.

Bring an abundant supply of business cards.

Wear your name tag on your right lapel, where it will be in the line of sight of a person shaking hands with you.

Think of yourself as a host at the event: smile, introduce yourself first, try to make others feel comfortable, and welcome newcomers to join your table or group.

Apply your knowledge of manners and etiquette.



Some Key Points (concluded)

Prepare a memorable 30-second description of who you are and what you do.

Prepare yourself with topics of conversation prior to the event; current events, sports, and the speaker’s background are good sources. Avoid controversial or negative topics.

Rapport is built when both individuals share their experiences. Focus your attention on each person. Seek to learn about him or her.

Avoid taking snubs personally.



Summary

What to remember?– Build the relationship by helping the other person first. Pay

attention to what the other person needs and wants.– Follow through on any promises or commitments you make, even

trivial ones.– Express appreciation for any help you receive.

Hot Tip: Everyone’s favorite topic of conversation is himself or herself.

Related topics: Making Introductions, Listening Effectively, Being Diplomatic


Making Introductions


Making IntroductionsMaking Introductions


What is it?– Using formal, business-appropriate etiquette to present one

person to another, or to present one person to a group.

Why is it important?– Polished introductions help others feel comfortable.– Appropriate introductions provide ‘situational awareness’ to those

present.



Some Key Points

Show deference to clients, senior executives, distinguished guests, and high-ranking dignitaries by stating their names first. In this way, you introduce the other person to them. If unsure of precedence, introduce:– A younger person to an older person– A co-worker to a client or a person from another company– A layperson to an official– Anyone at a party to a guest of honor

If none of these applies, the order of introduction is not important, although some people feel more comfortable introducing a man to a woman.–“Mrs. Mary Jones, I’d like to introduce Mr. John Smith.”

Adapted from www.successimages.com




If you are unsure of how to pronounce someone's name, you may say, "I'd really like to pronounce your name correctly.” The person will supply the correct pronunciation.

If you have forgotten the name of an individual you wish to introduce:– Look at the person’s name tag.– If all else fails, regretfully excuse your memory and ask the person

to please introduce himself or herself.

To introduce yourself, use a phrase such as “Hello, I’m John Doe; I don’t believe we’ve met.” Refrain from using a courtesy title or honorific before your own name.




Summary

What to remember?– Use complete names in the introduction.– Phrases such as “May I introduce …” or “I’d like you to meet …”

are appropriate and gracious. Avoid commands, such as “Dr. Johnson, meet Dr. Logan.”

– When possible, include some information about each individual in order to provide a basis for conversation. For example, “Ms. Smith, this is Dr. Williams, Vice President of Marketing at ABC Company. Ms. Smith is president of XYZ Company. I believe you both attended Ypsilanti University and majored in basket weaving.”

Hot Tip: An imperfect introduction is better than no introduction at all.

Related Topics: Networking, Listening Effectively



Speaking Extemporaneously

in Public


Speaking Extemporaneously in PublicSpeaking Extemporaneously in Public


What is it?– Speaking without preparation or practice when you are

unexpectedly asked to ‘say a few words’ to a group.

Why is it important?– You have an opportunity to make yourself or your organization

known to an audience that may form a lasting impression of you and your organization.



Some Key Points

Rise from your chair slowly and calmly, smile, and thank the requestor for giving you the opportunity to address the topic. Use this time to gather your thoughts and prepare your response.

Speak from the perspective of the audience.

Use humor sparingly.

Look around the room as you speak. Make eye contact with several audience members.

Adapted from www.toastmasters.org



Summary

What to remember?– Avoid extreme or provocative comments.– Make a maximum of three points and keep them simple.– Speak for only two or three minutes.

Hot Tip: If you suspect you will be asked to speak, formulate your “sound bites” in advance.

Related topics: Being Diplomatic


Giving Effective Praise


Giving Effective PraiseGiving Effective Praise


What is it?– Expressing approval, commendation, or admiration in a way that

creates a desired impact on the person or group being praised.

Why is it important?– Praise is one of the most effective forms of positive reinforcement

in the workplace.– Giving effective praise is one of the strongest workplace

motivators.– Receiving recognition is highly valued.



Some Key Points

The purpose of praise in the workplace is to increase morale and productivity.

Only sincere praise is credible.

Praise the deed, not the doer. For example, “Your analysis provided useful additional insight” is more effective than “You are so smart!”

Provide praise during an effort, rather than withholding recognition until completion.

Praise noticeable improvements, even if the final outcome has not been reached.

Avoid negating praise after giving it. For example, don’t undermine a positive comment by following it with “It’s about time!”

Like effective listening, decision making, and problem solving, effective praising requires know-how and practice. (American Management Association)



Some Key Points (continued)

To praise anyone:– Target your praise to specific accomplishments, rather than

general work.– Believe your praise. In order for praise to work, you need to be

sincere and honest about it. – Praise in proportion. Too much praise dilutes the effect. Too little

is also ineffective.




To praise someone subordinate in the organizational hierarchy:– We’ve all heard, “Praise in public and reprimand in private,” but:

Be cautious when praising individuals in public because some find this embarrassing.

Praising a team in public is recommended.

To praise someone equivalent or superior in the organizational hierarchy: – Praise peers in public, but use caution regarding time, place,

audience, and choice of words.– Praise managers and supervisors in private. Public praise may

make managers or supervisors feel uncomfortable.



Summary

What to remember?– Praise with purpose– Target your praise– Believe your praise– Praise in proportion

Hot Tip: Sincere and specific praise is greatly appreciated. Virtually no one believes he or she receives enough recognition in the workplace.

Related topics: Listening Effectively, Being Diplomatic


Giving Constructive Criticism


Giving Constructive CriticismGiving Constructive Criticism


What is it? – Directing criticism to the originator of an action, event, product, or

process with the objective of changing behavior in a positive way.

Why is it important? – Constructive criticism is one of the most crucial elements in

establishing a connection between what people are doing and how their actions are perceived by others.



Some Key Points

Deliver the criticism in private.

Focus on the behavior, not the person.

Ask questions to give you insight and develop understanding.

Learn to interpret reactions accurately.

Keep in mind that your reality is not THE reality.

If you are angry, take time to calm down before communicating.

Avoid using “never,” “always,” and “worst.”

Avoid ascribing or implying intent to the action being addressed.



Summary

What to remember?– Give clear, specific feedback with examples while the behavior is

fresh in your mind, focusing on behaviors that the receiver can change.

– Provide an alternative course of action.– Get a commitment from the person to try to change the behavior.

Hot Tip: Be honest with yourself about your motivations and how they impact the objective of your feedback.

Related Topics: Giving Effective Praise, Coping with Difficult People, Confronting Conflict, Being Diplomatic

Adapted from The Results Driven Manager: Dealing With Difficult PeopleAdapted from Smart MovesAdapted from “Ten Tips for Delivering Criticism” (Successful Meeting, 54, no. 9)


Listening Effectively


Listening EffectivelyListening Effectively


What is it?– Focusing your attention during communications so that you are

able to process, comprehend, and remember the message being conveyed to you.

Why is it important? – The effectiveness of the spoken word hinges not so much on how

people talk but mostly on how they listen. – Effective listening not only is a means of receiving information you

need to be successful, but is also a way to convey respect to the people with whom you communicate.



Some Key Points

Recognize obstacles to listening effectively– Lack of training– We think faster than we can talk (sidetracks/spare thinking time)– Thought deconstruction and reconstruction (facts vs. ideas)– Emotional filters– The need to talk

Use your spare thinking time efficiently– Weigh the speaker’s evidence for validity and completeness, without

judgment.– Periodically mentally review and summarize the points of the talk thus far.– Listen between the lines; pay attention to non-verbal cues such as facial

expression, gestures, and tone of voice.

Hear them out– Boyle principle of listening: “When in doubt, shut up and listen further.”– Consciously consider points contrary to your current position.



Summary

What to remember?– Stop what you are doing and shift your focus to the speaker.– Don’t plan your response while the person is talking.– Don’t interrupt: You can’t talk and listen at the same time.

Hot Tip: Withhold your evaluation until the speaker is finished.

Related Topics: Networking, Giving Effective Praise, Negotiating, Coping with Difficult People, Confronting Conflict, Being Diplomatic

Adapted from The Harvard Business Review on Effective CommunicationAdapted from Smart MovesAdapted from A Manager’s Guide to Effective Listening


Negotiating


NegotiatingNegotiating


What is it?– Engaging in a process by which two or more parties with different

needs and goals work to find a mutually acceptable solution in the workplace.

Why is it important?– IEEE acknowledges negotiation skills as a significant determinant

of career success. – Given that organizations are becoming

Less hierarchical Less dependent on positional authority Less focused on clear boundaries of responsibility and authority

it is likely that conflict will be an even greater component of organizations in the future, making negotiation even more important.

Adapted from Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In


Negotiating Negotiating

Some Key Points

Every negotiation involves two levels that determine its outcome: – A rational decision-making (substantive) process – A psychological (emotional) process

Despite the fact that negotiations occur every day, it is not easy to negotiate.

Understand common tricky tactics in order to counter them:– Deliberate deception: “phony facts,” ambiguous authority, dubious

intentions– Psychological warfare: stressful situations, personal attacks,

threats– Positional pressure: extreme or escalating demands, refusal to

negotiate, calculated delays

Unsuccessful negotiations leave people feeling dissatisfied, worn out, alienated, or all three.



Negotiating Negotiating


Successful negotiations strive to reach agreement so that everyone wins—neither party should claim victory.– Prepare and use a concrete plan.

– Aim for an outcome based on measurable, objective criteria. – Focus on issues, not personalities; separate the people from the

problem. – Consider the other party's situation and focus on interests, not

positions. – Create viable options for mutual gain.

Use active listening skills—rephrase, ask questions, and then ask some more.

Be aware of both verbal and non-verbal communication.



NegotiatingNegotiating

Summary

What to remember?– Negotiating is about finding solutions. Arguing is about trying to

prove the other person wrong. – “Negotiation is to make sure that you don't win the battle and lose

the war.” – Keep in mind that you may need to work with this person again.

Hot Tip: Orient yourself toward a win-win approach—your attitude going into negotiation plays a huge role in its outcome.

Related Topics: Listening Effectively, Coping with Difficult People, Confronting Conflict, Being Diplomatic


Coping with Difficult People


Coping with Difficult PeopleCoping with Difficult People

What Is It?

The ability to identify types of difficult people and determine which strategies to deploy when engaging them in any effort of consequence.

The subject (like the book of the same name) was developed for the “results-driven manager” and others concerned with motivating people around a common idea.

NOTE: This briefing is concerned with difficult people who exhibit the most frustrating or disruptive patterns of behavior, and so does not deal with all types of difficult people.

Adapted from Coping With Difficult People



Why Is It Important?

Failure to cope with difficult people wastes time and money.– In the 1980s, management consultant Robert Bramson, Ph.D.,

empirically surmised that most of his clients spent “more time talking about how to cope with problem employees, bosses, customers, and co-workers than about anything else.”

The need to cope with difficult people is a daily phenomenon requiring the exercise of special skills throughout the workday.




Some Key Points

Anger in the workplace is more prevalent than it used to be.– In 1992, 47% of—or 19,218—workplace assaults involved hitting,

biting, scratching, squeezing, kicking, beating, stabbing, shooting, rapes, and threats of violence.

– The National Crime Victimization Survey indicates that for each year between 1987–1992, nearly 1 million persons were assaulted at work or on duty.

The United States averages 20 murdered workers and 18,000 assaulted workers per week.– Additionally, charges of discrimination, harassment, intimidation,

and litigation are on the rise. The Bureau of Labor Statistics, looking at occupational

injury deaths, reported 856 workplace homicides in 1997 for both high-risk occupations and office workers.

Adapted from Workplace Violence at the Office?, by Chris E. McGoey, CPP, CSP, CAMAdapted from Violence in the Workplace, CDC National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health




People considered difficult display certain patterns of behavior that are, for them, the norm rather than the exception.

People often become defensive in situations where they feel both threatened and under pressure.

Difficult people have found that they can gain control over others.– Not necessarily motivated to manipulate others– Mostly unaware of the long-term implications (costs)– Nonetheless, their behavior puts the recipient at a disadvantage

Coping enables you and the difficult person to get on with the business at hand. – Assess the situation– Stop wishing the difficult person were different– Put some distance between you and the difficult behavior– Formulate a coping plan– Implement it– Monitor the effectiveness of your strategy and revise it as needed




Type: Hostile Aggressives

SUB-TYPES COPING STRATEGIES

Sherman Tanks – Bullyand overwhelm Abusive, abrupt,

intimidating, or all three Abrasive behavior that is

hostile, but caring

Stand up for yourself Don’t allow a rant – just

get in Be ready to be friendly

Snipers – Make cuttingremarks Rocks hidden in snowballs:

sotto voce, innuendos

Smoke them out Provide alternatives to

direct contests Peace in lieu of war

Exploders – Throwtantrums Quickly escalate to furious Say unforgivable and

unforgettable things

Give them time to run down

Say something neutral to interrupt the interaction




Type: Know-It-All Experts


Bulldozers – Condescending, pompous, or imposing Leave little room for creativity,

judgments, or resourcefulness of others

Know all there is to know about anything worth knowing

They truly do know a lot

Question firmly but don’t confront

Present alternatives as detours

Avoid being a counter- expert

Do your homework

Balloons – Thin-skinned, full ofhot air Phony know-it-alls Seek admiration Think they know all there is to

know about anything worth knowing, but in reality “don't know squat”

State the facts as an alternative view

Give them a way to save face




Types: Negativists and Stallers


Negativists – Wet blanketpower “It’s no use.” “We tried that and it won’t

work.” “They’ll never let us do it.”

Be alert to avoid being dragged down

State your realistic optimism

Don’t argue

Indecisive Stallers – Problematic when somethingin your life depends on themtaking action Beat around the bush “If I wait long enough, it’ll

be irrelevant.”

Help them to problem-solve

Give them alternatives by rank

Give them support after a decision is made




Types: Complainers, Unresponsives, and Super-Agreeables


Compleat Complainers –Whine, accuse, blame “And another thing …” Irksome, irritating,

exhausting

Acknowledge but don’t agree

Use limiting responses

Unresponsives – Yep,nope, grunt, or nothing Clam up or close down

Get them to open up Don’t fill the silence

Super-Agreeables –Need to be liked no matterwhat Nice, neat, sweet until you

need action

Surface underlying facts and issues

Listen for hidden messages in humor




Summary

What to remember?– In the world of work, the blows we receive most frequently are

psychological, and the deepest wounds we get from them are to: Our motivations Our feelings of self-worth

– Coping methods work by interfering with the behavior mechanisms that difficult people use to function successfully.

– Manage rather than avoid conflicts brought on by difficult people. – Analyze your own actions and reactions to minimize the possibility

that you are exacerbating the difficult behavior.– Hot Tip: Remain calm and unemotional during an encounter.– Related Topics: Listening Effectively, Negotiating, Confronting

Conflict, Being Diplomatic



Confronting Conflict


Confronting ConflictConfronting Conflict


What is it?– Taking actions to lessen the disharmony or opposition between

incompatible or antithetical persons, ideas, or interests.

Why is it important?– Often conflict must be confronted and resolved before a goal can

be achieved. Unresolved conflict can impact the mission.



Some Key Points

Rebecca Henderson, Ph.D, of MIT suggests that the best decisions are made in “high conflict/high respect” environments.

Confront a conflict as soon as possible. When possible, speak directly and privately to those

involved. Avoid allowing the conflict to be discussed more widely than necessary.

Ask questions that will clarify understanding, examine assumptions, and establish priorities.

Assume good intentions on the part of others. Remain calm and in control of your own emotions. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

(Stephen R. Covey)




Listen carefully.

Be prepared to hear new, and perhaps unpleasant, information.

Be aware of individual and cultural differences.

Show respect for others, even while disagreeing.

Acknowledge the positive contributions of others.

Focus on issues and behaviors rather than on emotions and personalities.

Take responsibility for your own role.

Discuss the present rather than the past.

Focus on the future, where changes are possible.




Summarize the apparent needs and desires of both parties.

Be prepared to compromise.

Maintain a positive attitude; ask “What’s right about this situation?”

Search for solutions rather than seek to place blame.

Keep lines of communication open.



Summary

What to remember?– Differentiate between a misunderstanding and a disagreement.– Avoid ascribing motives for behavior; instead, focus on the

observable behavior. – Search for the basis of the conflict; what do all parties want, and

why does this cause conflict?– Build on areas of agreement to find ways that all parties can at

least partly achieve their respective goals.– Ensure that the chosen resolution allows all parties to “save face.”

Hot Tip: Conflict is normal and does not necessarily indicate dysfunction. “Where all think alike, no one thinks very much.” (Walter Lippmann)

Related topics: Giving Constructive Criticism, Listening Effectively, Negotiating, Coping with Difficult People, Being Diplomatic


Being Diplomatic


Being DiplomaticBeing Diplomatic


What is it?– Behaving with sensitivity to what is proper and appropriate in

dealing with others; saying and doing the right thing at the right time; speaking or acting without offending.

Why is it important?– Being diplomatic demonstrates respect for others and increases

the effectiveness of communication. – Being diplomatic minimizes negative emotions in others.



Some Key Points

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” (Stephen R. Covey)

Learn about and address the other person’s point of view.

Avoid disparaging words, statements, or anecdotes.

Convey respect through appropriate speech, behavior, and attire.

Acknowledge the positive contributions of others.

Maintain a positive attitude; ask “What’s right about this situation?”

Consider that you may be mistaken or ill-informed.

Choose softer wording, especially in written communication.




Realize that expressing emotion, especially strong emotion, is inappropriate in most workplace situations.

Avoid ascribing intent to others.

Be aware that the use of pronouns (e.g., us, you, them) may seem to convey attitude and motivation.

Most of us believe our interests are at the center of events.

Use framing statements to provide a context for or to clarify the intent of statements that may seem threatening or could be misconstrued.




Carefully choose the communication medium. E-mail and voice mail, though efficient, are prone to generate misunderstanding and may be inappropriate for some messages.

Brevity is often, but not always, a virtue. Communication should be lengthy enough to clarify meaning and intent.

Consider asking a question rather than making a statement.

Select an appropriate time and place for communication. Difficult or complicated communication is more effective if not rushed or conducted in public.

Express regret if you have erred.




Some useful phrases: – “What I heard was / What’s being said is / Can it be agreed that ...”– “I would appreciate / I appreciate …”– “What I’ve learned here is …”– “May I suggest / Could we consider / I wonder if …”– “What if we / Have we thought about / Would it help if / Would it be

useful if ...”



Summary

What to remember?– Avoid curse words, emotionally-charged words, and other offensive words.– Focus on observable circumstances and behaviors rather than personal

traits.– Acknowledge the validity of other points of view.

Hot Tip: Identify and control your own emotional “triggers.” If you are angry or upset, ask to resume the conversation later. Develop a phrase to use, such as “Let me think about that and call you in a few hours.”

Related Topics: Networking, Speaking Extemporaneously in Public, Giving Effective Praise, Giving Constructive Criticism, Listening Effectively, Negotiating, Coping with Difficult People, Confronting Conflict

***With special thanks to the many mentors, bosses, colleagues, friends, family members, and adversaries who have provided invaluable insight on this topic over the years!!!


Closing


Networking Jean Fleming

Making Introductions Russ Roseman

Speaking Extemporaneously in Public Russ Roseman

Giving Effective Praise Russ Roseman

Giving Constructive Criticism Stacie Sherwood

Listening Effectively Stacie Sherwood Negotiating Joan Oosterhout

Coping with Difficult People Joan Oosterhout

Confronting Conflict Jean Fleming

Being Diplomatic Jean Fleming

ClosingClosing

‘Top Ten’ Soft Skills in Business


ClosingClosing

Ways to Use This Information

Identify your personal triggers and develop alternative responses.

Identify the personality types that are difficult for you and develop a new automatic coping response.

Select one ‘Top Ten’ soft skill to improve in the next 90 days.


ClosingClosing

Final Thoughts

Soft skills require both self-awareness and interpersonal awareness.

Observe and comprehend your own behavior clearly, as you and others see it. Then change your behavior as needed to improve impact and effectiveness.

“O would some power the gift to give us, to see ourselves as others see us!” (Robert Burns, To a Louse, verse 8)


ClosingClosing

For More Information

Reference list

Take-away card


Questions?

october 18, 2005

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