Notting Hill script WILLIAM (V.O.): Of course, I've seen her films and always thought she was, well, fabulous -- but, you know, million, million miles from the world I live inwhich is here, Notting Hill, my favorite bit of London. Theres the market on weekends selling every fruit and vegetable known to manEXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD DAYWILLIAM (V.O.): The tattoo parlor -- with a guy outside who got drunk and radical now can't remember why he chose 'I Love Ken'... Thehair-dressers where everyone comes outlooking like the Cookie Monster, whether they want to or not. And then suddenly it's the weekend, and from break of day, hundreds of stalls appear out of nowhere, filling Portobello Road right up to Notting Hill Gate... . WILLIAM (V.O.): And whereever you look thousands of people are buying millions of antiques, some genuine... and some not quite so genuine.EXT. GOLBORNE ROAD - DAY WILLIAM (V.O.): And what's great is that lots of friends have ended up in this part of London. That's Tony, for example, architect turned chef, who recently invested all the money he ever earned in a new restaurant... EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY WILLIAM (V.O.): So this is where I spend my days and years -- in this small village in the middle of a city -- in a house with a blue door that my wife and I bought together... before she left me for a man who looked exactly like Harrison Ford. WILLIAM (V.O.): And where I now lead a strange half-life with a lodger called...INT. WILLIAM'S HOUSE - DAY WILLIAM: Spike! SPIKE: Hi. And you couldn't help me with an incredibly important decision, could you? WILLIAM: Is this important in comparison to, let's say, whether they should cancel third world debt? SPIKE: That's right -- I'm at last going out on a date with the great Janine and I just want to be sure I've picked the right T-shirt. WILLIAM: What are the choices? SPIKE: Well, wait for it. (running up the stairs: pulls on a T-shirt) First there's this one.(Growls) Cool, huh? WILLIAM: Yeah, it might make it hard to strike a really romantic note. SPIKE: Point taken. Dont despair. If its romance were looking for, I believe I have just the thing. WILLIAM: Yeah, well, there again, she might not think you had true love on your mind. SPIKE: Right. Just one more. (and back up he goes) True love here I come. He comes down wearing it. Lots of hearts, saying, 'You're the most beautiful woman in the world.' WILLIAM: Well, yeah. Yeah, that's thats, um, perfect. SPIKE: Great. Thanks. Wish me luck. WILLIAM: Good luck. EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY WILLIAM (V.O.): And so it was just another hopeless Wednesday, as I walked the thousand yardsthrough the market to work, never suspecting that this was the day that was gonna change my life forever. This is work, by the way, my little travel book shop. INT. THE BOOKSHOP DAYWILLIAM: Morning, Martin. Martin (O.S): Morning, Monsignor. WILLIAM (V.O): which, um, well, sells travel books, and to be frank with you, doesnt always sell many of those. WILLIAM: Classic. Profit from major sales push -- minus 347 pound. MARTIN: Shall I go and get a cappuccino? You know, ease the pain a bit. WILLIAM: Yeah, yeah. Better make it a half. All I can afford. MARIN: I get your logic. Demi-capu coming up. Segment 2WILLIAM: Urn, can I help you at all? ANNA: No, thanks. I'll just look around. WILLIAM: Fine. That book's really not great in case, you know, browsing turned to buying. You'd be wasting yourjustmoney. .WILLIAM: But if its Turkey youre interested in, um, this one, on the other hand, is very good. Um, I think the man who wrote it has actually been to Turkey, which helps. Theres also a very amusing incident with a kebab, um, which is one of many amusing incidents. ANNA: Thanks. I'll think about it. WILLIAM: Or, in the bigger hardback variety WILLIAM: Im sorry. Can you just give me a second? WILLIAM: Excuse me. THIEF: Yes. WILLIAM: Bad news. THIEF: What? WILLIAM: We've got a security camera in this bit of the shop. THIEF: So? WILLIAM: So, I saw you put that book down your trousers. THIEF: What book? WILLIAM: The one down your trousers. THIEF: I dont have a book down my trousers. WILLIAM: Right. I tell you what. Um, Ill call the police, and, um what can I say? If Im wrong about the whole book-down-the-trousers scenario, I really apologize THIEF: Okay -- what if I did have a book down my trousers? WILLIAM: Well, ideally, when I went back to the desk, you'd remove the Cadogan guide to Bali from your trousers, and either wipe it and put it back, or buy it. Ill see you in a sec. .WILLIAM: Im sorry about that. ANNA: No, its fine. I was going to steal one, but now I've changed my mind. Oh! Signed by the author, I see. WILLIAM: Um, yeah, we couldn't stop him. If you can find an unsigned one, it's worth an absolute fortune. She smiles. Suddenly the thief is there. THIEF: Excuse me. ANNA: Yes. THIEF: Can I have your autograph? ANNA: Oh, sure. What's your name? THIEF: Rufus. What does it say? ANNA: Well, that's the signature and above, it says 'Dea Rufus you belong in jail.' THIEF: Good one. Do you want my phonernumber? ANNA: Tempting but... no, thank you. I will take this one. WILLIAM: Oh -- right -- on second thoughts maybe its not bad after all. Actually -- it's a sort of classic really. None of those childish kebab stories you find in so many travel books these days. And I tell you what.I'll throw in one of these for free.Very useful forlighting fires, wrapping fish, that sort of things. ANNA: Thanks. WILLIAM: Pleasure. MARTIN: Cappuccino as ordered. WILLIAM: Thanks. I don't think you'll believe who was just in here. MARTIN: Who? Was it someone famous? WILLIAM: No. No-one -- no-one. MARTIN: Would be exciting, though wouldnt it, if someone famous came into the shop? Do you know and this is pretty amazing actually R 11; but, I once saw Ringo Starr. WILLIAM: Where was that? MARTIN: Kensington High Street. At least I think it was Ringo. It might have been that man from Fiddler On The Roof, you know, Toppy. WILLIAM: Topol. MARTIN: That's right -- Topol. WILLIAM: Actually Ringo Starr doesn't look at all like, uh, Topol. MARTIN: Yeah, but he was he was quite a long way away from me. WILLIAM: So actually it couldve been neither of them? MARTIN: Yeah. I suppose so, yes. WILLIAM: It's not a classic anecdotes, is it? MARTIN: Not classic, no. WILLIAM: Another one? MARTIN: Yes. No, wait -- let's go crazy -- I'llhave an orange juice. Segment 3EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAYANNA: Oh, my God! WILLIAM: Bugger!Im sorry, Im so sorry. Here, let me. ANNA: Get your hands off! WILLIAM: Im really sorry. I I live just over the street. I have, um, water and soap. You can get cleaned up. ANNA: No thank you. I need to get my car back. WILLIAM: I also have a phone. I'm confident that in five minutes we can have you spick and span and back on the street again... in the non-prostitute sense obviously. ANNA: All right. Well what do you mean, just over the street? Give it to me in yards. WILLIAM: Eighteen yards. That's my house there with the blue front door. INT. WILLIAM'S HOUSE - CORRIDOR - DAY WILLIAM: Come on in. I'll just... Ill just Um, right, Right. Come in. Its, um, not quite as tidy as it normally is, I fear. But, um The bathroom is on the top floor. And the telephones just just up here. Here. Let let me, um um, round the corner. Straight on straight on up. Bugger.INT. KITCHEN - DAY WILLIAM: Would you like a cup of tea before you go? ANNA: No. WILLIAM: Coffee? ANNA: No. WILLIAM: Orange juice -- probably not. Something else cold -- coke, water, some disgusting sugary drink pretending to have something to do with fruits of the forest? ANNA: No. WILLIAM: Would you like something to eat? Uh, something to nibble? Um, --apricots soaked in honey? Quite why, no one knows -because it stops them tasting of apricots, and makes them taste like honey, and if you wanted honey, you'd just buy honey, instead of ,but ant them. ANNA:nevertheless -- there we go They are yours if you w No. WILLIAM: Do you always say 'no' to everything? ANNA:No. (pause) Id better be going. Thanks for your help. WILLIAM: You're welcome and, may I also sayum...heavenly. Ill just take my one chance to say it. After you've read that terrible book, you're certainly not going to be coming back to the shop. ANNA: Thank you. WILLIAM: Yes. Well. My pleasure. WILLIAM: So, it was nice to meet you. Surreal but, um but nice. Sorry. 'Surreal but nice.' What was I thinking? ANNA: Hi! WILLIAM: Hi. ANNA: I forgot my another bag. WILLIAM: Oh, right. Right. ANNA: Thanks. WILLIAM: Im very sorry about the 'surreal but nice' comment. Disaster... ANNA: Thats okay. I thought the apricot and honey thing was the real lowpoint. WILLIAM: Oh my God. My flatmate. I'm sorry -- there's no excuse for him. SPIKE: Hi. ANNA: Hi. WILLIAM: Hi. SPIKE: I'm just going into the kitchen to get some food -and then I'm going to tell you a story that will make your balls shrink to the size of raisins. ANNA: Probably best not to tell anyone about this. WILLIAM: Right. Right. No one. I mean, I'll tell myself sometimes but... don't worry -I won't believe it. ANNA: Bye. Segment 4SPIKE: There's something wrong with this yogurt. WILLIAM: It's not yogurt -- it's mayonnaise. SPIKE: Oh, right. There we are then. (takes another big spoonful) On for a video fest tonight? I've got some absolute classic.INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHTMICHAEL (ON TV): Smile. ANNA (ON TV): No. MICHAEL (ON TV): Smile. ANNA (ON TV): I've got nothing to smile about. MICHAEL (ON TV): Okay in about 7 seconds, I'm going to ask you to marry me. INT.WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHTSPIKE: Imagine -- somewhere in the world there's a man who's allowed to kiss her. WILLIAM: Yes, she is fairly fabulous.INT. BOOKSHOP - DAYMR. SMITH: Do you have any books by Dickens? WILLIAM: No, no, Im afraid we're a travel bookshop. We only sell travel books. MR. SMITH: Oh right. How about that new John Grisham thriller? WILLIAM: No, no, cause that's a novel too, isnt it? MR. SMITH: Oh right. Have you got 'Winnie the Pooh'? WILLIAM: Martin -- your customer. MARTIN: Urn, can I help you? INT. WILLIAM'S HOUSE - CONDOR/LIVING ROOM -DAYSPIKE: Hey. WILLIAM: Hi...INT. WILLIAM'S KITCHEN - DAYWILLIAM: Just incidentally -- why are you wearing that? SPIKE: Combination of factors really. Uh, no clean clothes... WILLIAM: There never will be, you know, unless you actually clean your clothes. SPIKE: Right. Vicious circle. And then I was like rooting around in your things, and found this, and I thought -- cool. Kinda.spacy.EXT. WILLIAM'S TERRACE - DAYSPIKE: There's something wrong with the goggles though... WILLIAM: No, they were prescription.SPIKE : Groovy.WILLIAM : So I could see all the fishes properly. SPIKE: You should do more of this stuff. WILLIAM: So, look, any messages today? SPIKE: Yeh, I wrote a couple down. WILLIAM: So there were two. There were two messages? Right? SPIKE: want me to write down all your messages? WILLIAM: YouWho were the ones youdidn't write down from? SPIKE: No. Gone completely. Oh no. There was -- one from your mum:she said don't forget lunch and her leg's hurting again. WILLIAM: No one else? SPIKE: Absolutely no one else. Though if we're going for this obsessive writing-down-all-messages thing -some American girl called Anna called a few days ago. WILLIAM: What didshe say? SPIKE: Well, it was genuinely bizarre... she said, hi -- it's Anna -- then she said, call me at the Ritz -- and then gave herself a completely different name. WILLIAM: Which one? SPIKE: Absolutely no idea. Remembering one name's harad enough...INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM DAYWILLIAM: No, I I know that. She She said that. Um. I know she's using another name. The problem is she left the message with my flatmate, which was a very serious mistake. Um, I dont know. Imagine, if you will, the stupidest person youve ever met. Are you doing that? RITZ MAN: Yes, sir. I have him in my mind. WILLIAM: And now double it -- and that is the -- what can I say the git I'm living with and he cant remember... SPIKE: Try 'Flintstone.' WILLIAM: Sorry. (to Spike) What? SPIKE: I think she said her name was 'Flintstone.' WILLIAM: I dont I dont suppose, um, 'Flintstone' rings any bells, does it? RITZ MAN: I'll put you right through, sir. WILLIAM: Oh my God. Hello. Hi. Hi, there. Oh hi. Sorry. It's William Thacker. Um, we I work in a bookshop. WILLIAM: Oh, no, I promise you I've never played anything cool in my entire life. My flatmate, who I'll stab to death later, never gave me the message. I dont know perhaps, um, I could drop round for tea later or something? Right. Great. Bye. (he hangs up) Classic, classic. Segment 5INT. RITZ HOTEL - DAYWILLIAM: Which floor? TARQUIN: Three. Please. INT. RITZ CORRIDOR - DAYWILLIAM: Are you sure you this is...? TARQUIN: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure. KAREN: Hi, Hi. Im Karen. WILLIAM: Hi. KAREN: Im sorry -- things are running a little bit late. Here's the, uh, thing. Do you wanna come this way? Through here.KAREN: So what did you think of the film? TARQUIN: Yeah, I thought it was fantastic. I thought it was, uh, 'Close Encounters' meets 'Jean De Florette.' WILLIAM: I agree. KAREN: I'm sorry. I didn't get down what magazines you're from. TARQUIN: 'Time Out.' KAREN: Great. And you are from? WILLIAM: 'Horse and Hound.' The name's William Whacker. I think, she might be expecting me. KAREN: Okay -- take a seat and I'll go and check. TARQUIN: I see youve, uh I see youve brought her some flowers? WILLIAM: No -- they're... for my grandmother. She's in a hospital just down the road. Thought I'd kill two birds with one stone, you know. TARQUIN: Sure, right. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Which hospitals that? WILLIAM: Do you mind me not saying -- it's a rather distressing disease. Name of the hospital kind of gives it away. TARQUIN: Absolutely. Sure. Cheers. KAREN: Right, uh, Mr. Thacker. Will you comethis way. WILLIAM: Right.KAREN: You've got five minutes. INT. THE TRAFALGAR SUITE SITTING ROOM - DAYWILLIAM: Hi. ANNA: Hello. WILLIAM: Uh, I brought these, but clearly... ANNA: No, theyre great. Theyre great. WILLIAM: Ah, listen, Im sorry about not ringing back. The whole two-names concept was totally too much for my flatman's pea-sized intellect. ANNA: No, it's a stupid privacy thing. I always pick a cartoon character -- last time, I was Mrs. Bambi. JEREMY: Everything all right? ANNA: Yes, thank you. JEREMY: And you are from 'Horse and Hound' ? WILLIAM: Yeah. Jeremy: Good ANNA: Is that so? Well. WILLIAM: So I'll just fire away, shall I? WILLIAM: Right. Ahm... the film's great... and I just wondered -whether you ever thought of having more...horses in it? ANNA: Ahm -- well -- we would have liked to -- but it was difficult, obviously, being set in space. WILLIAM: Space, right, yeah. Yeah. Obviously very difficult. I'm sorry -- I arrived outside they thrust this thing into my hand I didnt know what to do. ANNA: No, it's my fault, I thought this would all be over by now. I just wanted to sort of apologize for the kissing thing. I seriously don't know what came over me. I just wanted to make sure you that you were find about it. WILLIAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely fine. JEREMY: Do211;remember that Miss Scott is also keen to talk about her next project, which is shooting later in the summer. WILLIAM: Oh yes -excellent. Excellent. Any horses in that one? Or hounds for that matter. Our readers are equally intrigued by both species. ANNA: It takes place on a submarine. WILLIAM: Yes. Right... But, um, if there were horses in it, would you be riding them or would you be getting a stunt horse double man thing? I'm just a complete moron. I apologize. I This is very weird. Its the sort of thing that happens in dreams -- not in real life. I mean, good dreams. It's a dream, in fact, uh, to see you again. ANNA: And what happens next in the dream? WILLIAM: I suppose in the dream, dream scenario. I just... uh, change my personality, because you can do that in dreams, and walk over and kiss the girl. But JEREMY: Time's up, I'm afraid. Did you get what you wanted? WILLIAM: Um, nearly, nearly. JEREMY: Well, maybe just one last question? ANNA : Sure.WILLIAM: Right. Right. Are you busy tonight? ANNA: Yes. WILLIAM: Right, right. JEREMY: Come in. ANNA: Well, it was nice to meet you. WILLIAM: Yes, and you. ANNA: Surreal but nice. WILLIAM: Thank you. You are 'Horse and Hound's' favorite actress. You and Black Beauty tied. Segment 6INT. TRAFALGAR SUITE CORRIDOR - DAYTARQUIN: How was she? WILLIAM: On, um fabulous TARQUIN: Excellent. Wait a minute -- she took your grandmother's flowers? WILLIAM: Yes. That's right. Bitch. KAREN: Oh. Mr. Thacker, if you'd like to come with me we can rush you through the others. WILLIAM: The others?INT. RITZ INTERVIEW ROOM - DAYKAREN: Mr. Thacker's from 'Horse and Hound.' MALE LEAD: Hows it going. WILLIAM: Very well, thank you.. MALE LEAD: Have a seat. Well, did you enjoy the film? WILLIAM: Yes, enormously. MALELEAD: Well, fire away. WILLIAM: Right, did you enjoy making thefilm? MALE LEAD: Yes, I did. WILLIAM: Good. Any bit in particular? MALE LEAD: You tell me what bit you enjoyed most -- and I'll tell you if I enjoyed making that bit. WILLIAM: I liked the bit in space very much.INT. RITZ INTERVIEW ROOM - DAYWILLIAM: Did you identify with the character youre playing? INTERPRETER: Te identicaste con el personaje que interpretabas? FOREIGN ACTOR: No. INTERPRETER: No. WILLIAM: Ah. Why not? INTERPRETER: Por que no? FOREIGN ACTOR: Porque es un robot carnivoro psicopata. INTERPRETER: Because he is playing a psychopathic flesh-eating robot. WILLIAM: Classic.INT. RITZ INTERVIEW ROOM DAYWILLIAM: Is this your first film? GIRL: No -- it's my 22nd. WILLIAM: Of course it is. Any favorite among the 22? GIRL: Working with Leonardo. WILLIAM: Da Vinci? GIRL: Di Caprio. WILLIAM: Of course. And is he your favorite Italian film director?INT. RITZ CORRIDOR DAYKAREN: Mr. Thacker? WILLIAM: Oh, no. KAREN: Have you got a minute? WILLIAM: No.INT. ANNA'S SUITE SITTING ROOM - DAYANNA: Hi. WILLIAM: Hi. ANNA: Um yeah, so the, um the the thing I was doing tonight -- I'm not doing it anymore. I told them I had to spend the evening with Britain's premier equestrian journalist. WILLIAM: Oh well, great. Fantastic. Thats, uh Oh, Shittity brickitty. It's my sister's birthday -- shit -- we're meant to be having dinner. ANNA: Okay -- fine. WILLIAM: But no, I'm sure I can get out of it. ANNA: No, I mean, if it's fine with you, I'll be your date. WILLIAM: You'll be my date at my little sister's birthday party? ANNA: If it's all right. WILLIAM: Well, yeah, I'm sure it's all right. My friend Max is cooking and he's generally acknowledged to be the worst cook in the world. But you know, you could hide the food in your handbag or something. ANNA: Okay. WILLIAM: Okay.INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHTMAX: He's bringing a girl? BELLA: Miracles do happen. MAX: Does the girl have a name? BELLA: Dont know. Wouldnt say. MAX: Oh Christ, what is going on in there? Oh God. MAX: Hi, come on in. Vague food crisis. BELLA: Hiya -- sorry -- the guinea fowl is proving more complicated than expected. WILLIAM: He's cooking guinea fowl? BELLA: Don't even ask. ANNA: Hi. BELLA: Hi. Good Lord -- you're the spitting image of... WILLIAM: Bella -- this is Anna. BELLA: Right. MAX: Okay. Crisis over. WILLIAM: Max. This is Anna. MAX: Hello, Anna ahm.. Scott -- have some wine. ANNA: Thank you. MAX: Ill get it. WILLIAM: (to Anna) Red or White.MAX: Hi. Yes, Happy Birthday. Look, your brother has brought this girl.HONEY: Hi guys. (sees Anna) Oh holy fuck. WILLIAM: Hun -- this is Anna. Anna -- this is Honey -- she's my baby sister. ANNA: Oh, hi. HONEY: Oh God this is one of those key moments in life, when it's possible you can be really, genuinely cool -- and I'm going to faint a hundred percent. I absolutely and totally and utterly adore you and I just think you're the most beautiful woman in the world and more importantly I genuinely believe and Ive believed for some time now that we could be best friends. So what do you think? ANNA: Uh, lucky me. Well, happy birthday. HONEY: Oh. You gave me a present. We're best friends already then. Marry Will -- he's a really MAX: nice guy. Then we can be sisters. ANNA: I'll think about it. That'll be Bernie. MAX: Hi BERNIE: Hi. I'm sorry I'm so late.Bollocksed up at work again, I fear. Millions down the drain. MAX: Well done.MAX: Bernie -- this is Anna. BERNIE: Hello, Anna. Delighted to meet you. ANNA : And you.BERNIE: Honey Bunny -- happy birthday to you. (hands her a present: to Bella) Hi, Bella. BELLA: Hi. BERNIE: Um, It's a hat. You don't have to wear it or anything. (to William) Hi, Will. WILLIAM : Hi, hi, hi.MAX: You haven't slept with her, have you? WILLIAM: That is a cheap question and the answer is, of course, no comment. MAX: 'No comment' means 'yes.' WILLIAM: No, it doesn't. MAX: Do you ever masturbate? WILLIAM: -- it means 'yes.' Definitely no comment. MAX: You seeSegment 7BERNIE: So tell me Anna -- what do you do? ANNA: I'm an actress. BERNIE: Splendid. ANNA: What do you do? Bernie: I'm actually in the stock market, so not really similar fields, though, um..um, I have done the odd bit of amateur stuffum..uh, PG. Wodehouse. Farce, all that, you know. Careful there, vicar. Always imagined it's a pretty tough job, though, acting. I mean the wages are a scandal, aren't they? ANNA: They can be. BERNIE: I see friends from university -- clever chaps -- been in the business longer than you -- they're scraping by on seven, eight thousand a year. You know, it's no life. What sort of acting do you do? ANNA: Films mainly. BERNIE: Oh splendid. Well done. How's the pay in movies? I mean, last film you did, what did you get paid?ANNA: Fifteen million dollars. BERNIE: Right. Right. So that's... fairly good. MAX: Right -- I think we're ready. ANNA: (to Bella) Bella, can you tell me where I can find BELLA: Oh, sorry. It's just down the corridor on the right. HONEY: I'll show you. Ill show you,BELLA: Quickly, quickly -- talk very quickly what are you doing here with Anna Scott? BERNIE: Anna Scott? BELLA: Yes. Shut up! BERNIE: What, the film star? BELLA: Shh. BERNIE: Oh God. Oh God. Oh Goddy God. HONEY: I don't believe it. I actually walked into the loo with her. I was still chatting when she started unbuttoning her jeans... She had to ask me to leave. BERNIE: So you know who she was? HONEY: Of course I did, but he didnt. BERNIE: Well, not instantly, but I..II got away with it.BELLA: What do you think of the guinea fowl? ANNA: (whispering) I'm a vegetarian. BELLA: Oh God. MAX: So, hows the guinea-fowl? ANNA: Best guinea-fowl Ive ever tasted. MAX: Having you here, Anna, firmly establishes what I've long suspected, that we really are the most desperate lot of under-achievers. BERNIE: Shame! MAX: I'm not saying it's a bad thing, in fact, I think it's something we should take pride in. I'm going to give the last brownie as a prize to the saddest act here. WILLIAM: Ber. BERNIE: Yeah, all right. Well, obviously it's me, isn't it I mean, I work City in a job I don't understand and everyone keeps getting promoted above me. I haven't had a girlfriends since...well, since puberty. And nobody fancies me, and if these cheeks get any chubbier, they never will. HONEY: Nonsense. I fancy you. BERNIE: Really? HONEY: Yeah, Or I did before you got so fat. MAX: You see -- and unless I'm much mistaken, your job still pays you rather a lot of money, whilst Honey here earns 20 pence a week flogging her guts out in Londons worst record store. HONEY: Yes. And I havent got hair -- I've got feathers, and I've got funny goggly eyes, and I'm attracted to cruel men and ... no one will marry me because, um, my boosies have actuallyin thetstarted shrinking. MAX:You see its incredibly sad. BELLA:Buon the other hand, her best friend is Anna Scott. HONEY: That's true, I can't deny it. She needs me, what can I say? BELLA: And most of her limbs work. Whereas I'm stuck in this thing day and night, in a house full of ramps. And to add insult to serious injury -- I've totally given up smoking, my favorite thing, and the truth is... we can't have a baby. WILLIAM: Oh, Belle. BELLA: C'est la vie... Still we're lucky in lots of ways, but... surely that's worth a brownie. MAX: Well, I don't know. Look at William. Very unsuccessful professionally. BELLA: Thats true. MAX: Divorced. Used to be handsome, now kind of squidgy around the edges -and absolutely certain never to hear from Anna again once she's heard that his nickname at school was. BERNIE: Floppy.. WILLIAM: You did. I cant believe it, you did. Thanks very much. Thank you. Well, at least I get the last brownie. MAX: I think so, yes. ANNA: Well, wait. What about me? MAX: I'm sorry? You think you deserve the brownie? ANNA: Well... a shot at it at least, huh? WILLIAM: You'll have to prove it. This is a very, very good brownie. Im gonna fight for it. ANNA: Well, I've been on a diet since I was nineteen, which means basically I've been hungry for a decade. I've had a series of not nice boyfriends one of whom hit me: and every time I get my heart broken, the newspapers splashed it about as though its entertainment. And its taken two rather painful, um, operations.. to get me looking like this. HONEY: Really? ANNA:Really-- and one day, not long from now, my looks will go, they will discover I can't act and I'll become some sad, middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone who was famous for a while. MAX: No. Nice try, gorgeous -- but you don't fool anyone. WILLIAM: Pathetic effort to hog the brownie. Segment 8INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM/CORRIDOR - NIGHTANNA: Thank you for such a terrific time. MAX: I'm delighted. ANNA: Thats a great tie.. MAX: Now you're lying. ANNA: Okay, its true. I told you I was bad at acting.ANNA: (to Bella) It was lovely to meet you. BELLA: Yeah, and you. I'll wait until you've gone before I tell him you're a vegetarian. MAX: No! ANNA: Good night. HONEY: I'm so sorry about the loo thing. I meant to leave but I just... ring me if you want someone to go shopping with. I know lots of nice, cheap places... not that money necessarily... It was just so nice to meet you. ANNA: Happy Birthday. Youre my style guru. HONEY: Thank you. Sorry. Can I just Thanks. WILLIAM: Leave her. ANNA: Good night, everyone. WILLIAM: Max, Belle, well see you in a couple of days. MAX: Thank you, everybody. Call us. WILLIAM: Buy, guys. BERNIE: Love your work. WILLIAM: Bye, hon. WILLIAM: Sorry -- they always do that when I leave the house. Its a stupid thing. I hate it. ANNA: Floppy, huh? WILLIAM: It's the hair! It's to do with the hair. ANNA: Why is she in a wheelchair? WILLIAM: Uh, because she had an accident -- about eighteen months ago. ANNA: And the pregnancy thing -- is that to do with the accident? WILLIAM: You know, I'm not sure. I don't think they'd tried for kids before, as fatendwould have it. WILLIAM: Do you want to, um. My place is just, um ANNA: Too complicated. WILLIAM: That's fine. ANNA: Busy tomorrow? WILLIAM: I thought you were leaving tomorrow. ANNA: I was. WILLIAM: All these streets round here have these mysterious communal gardens in the middle of them. Theyre like little village. ANNA: Lets go in. WILLIAM: Ah no -that's the point -- they're private villages -- only the people who live round the edges are allowed in. ANNA: You abide by rules like that? WILLIAM: I dont. No, no, but others do. I just do what I want, Um right. Whoopsidaisies. ANNA: What did you say? WILLIAM: Nothing. ANNA: Yes, you did. WILLIAM: No, I didn't. ANNA: You said 'whoopsidaisies.' WILLIAM: No one says 'whoopsidaisies,' do they? -- I mean unless they're... ANNA: There's no 'unless.' Because no one has said "whoopsidaisies" for fifty years and even then it was just little girls with blonde ringlets. WILLIAM: Exactly. Right. So here we go again. Whoopsidaisies. WILLIAM: Yeah, well It's a disease I've got -- it's a clinical thing. I'm taking pills and having injections A Im told it wont last long. ANNA: Okay, stand aside. WILLIAM: I dont think thats a good idea. Really, its quite, um, tricky. Anna, Anna, dont . Its harder than it No, its not, Its easy. ANNA: Come on, Flopsy. WILLIAM: Right, All right. Oh, bugger, Oh, God., this could be very unpleasant. Ay! Buger, bugger Now what in the world in this garden could make that ordeal worthwhile? WILLIAM: Nice garden.EXT. MAGIC GARDEN - NIGHTANNA: 'For June, who loved this garden -- from Joseph who always sat beside her.' Some people do spend their whole lives together. ANNA : Come and sit with me. Segment 9INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - EVENINGWILLIAM: Bollocks, bollocks. Have you seen my glasses? SPIKE: No, afraid not. WILLIAM: Big, big bollocks! Average day, my glasses are everywhere. Everywhere I look, theres a pair of glasses. But when I want to go to the cinema, theyve vanished. Its one of lifes real cruelties. SPIKE: That's compared to, like, earthquakes in the Far East or testicular cancer, is it? WILLIAM: Oh shit, is that the time? WILLIAM: (not meaning it) Thanks for your help on the glasses thing. SPIKE: You're welcome. Did you find them? WILLIAM: Sort of. SPIKE: Great.INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHTANNA: So who left who? WILLIAM: She left me. ANNA: Why? WILLIAM: She saw through me. ANNA: Uh-oh. That's not good. LAWRENCE: You can give me Anna Scott any day. GERALD: I didn't like that last film of hers. Fell asleep as soon as the lights went down. LAWRENCE: I dont really care what the films like. Any film with her in, its fine by me. GERALD: Shes not my type at all. I prefer the other one. You know, blonde, sweet-looking. You know, whats her name. Has an orgasm every time, you take her out for a cup of coffee. LAWRENCE: Meg Ryan. LAWRENCE: No, shes too wholesome. The point about Miss Scott is shes got that twinkle in her eyes.GERALD: Probably drug-induced. Spends most of her life in bloody rehab. LAWRENCE: Well, Whatever, she's so clearly up for it. You know -- most girls, they're all like, 'stay away chum' but Anna, she's absolutely gagging for it. Do you know that in over fifty percent of languages, the word for "actress" is the same as the word for "prostitute." And Anna is your definitive actress -- someone really filthy you can just flip over... WILLIAM: Right, that's it. Sorry. ANNA: No, no. Theres really no point. WILLIAM: I'm sorry to disturb you but, um-- LAWRENCE: Can I help you? WILLIAM: Well, yeah, I wish I hadn't overheard your conversation -- but I did. And I just think, you know......theperson you're talking about is a real person and I think she probably deserves a little bit more consideration, rather than having jerks like you drooling over her... LAWRENCE: Oh sod off, mate. What are you, her dad? WILLIAM: I'm sorry. ANNA: No, I love that you tried. Time was I'd have done the same thing. In fact Hi. LAWRENCE: God... ANNA: I just wanted to apologize for my friend. Hes very sensitive. LAWRENCE: Uh, look, I'm sorry... ANNA: No, no, leave it. Its, you know Im sure you didnt mean any harm. Im sure it was just friendly banter. Im sure you guys have dicks the size of peanuts. Enjoy your dinner. The tunas really good. EXT. RITZ ARCADE - NIGHTANNA: I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have done that. WILLIAM: No, you were brilliant ANNA: I'm rash and I'm stupid. What am I doing with you? WILLIAM: Uh, I don't know, I'm afraid. ANNA: I don't know either. Here we are. WILLIAM : Yes. Well, look ANNA: Do you wanna come up? WILLIAM: Well, there seems to be lots of reasons why I shouldnt, so. ANNA: There are lots of reasons. Do you wanna come up? Give me five minutes. Segment 10INT. RITZ CORRIDOR/ANNA'S SUITE - NIGHTANNA: Hi. WILLIAM: Hi. WILLIAM: To be able to do that is such a wonderful thing. ANNA: You've got to go. WILLIAM: Why? ANNA: Because my boyfriend, who was in America is, in fact, now in the next room. WILLIAM: Boyfriend? ANNA: Yes... JEFF (V.O.): Baby, who is it? ANNA: Uh, its, uh WILLIAM: Ah... room service. JEFF: How you doing? I thought you guys always wore those, uh, penguin coats. WILLIAM: Usually we do. But I was just, uh just changed to go home. And, um, then I thought Id take this final call. JEFF: Oh great. If you dont mind, I would like something too. Could you bring me up some really, really cold water? WILLIAM: I'll see what I can do. JEFF: Still, not sparkling. WILLIAM: Absolutely. Ice cold still water. JEFF: Unless it's illegal in the UK to serve liquids below room temperature: I wouldnt want you going to jail just to satisfy my whim, now.. WILLIAM: No, I'm sure it's fine. JEFF: Thank you Hey, one more thing. Could you adios these dirty dishes and take out that trash too? WILLIAM: Right. ANNA: No. No. Um, dont -don't dont do that I dont think its his job to clear. JEFF: I'm sorry. Im sorry. Whats your name, man? WILLIAM: Bernie. JEFF: Oh, listen, Bernie. Thank you. I really appreciate it. (to Anna) Hey, you.Oh myOh,So tell me. Tell me, tell me. Good surprise or nasty surprise? ANNA: Good surprise. JEFF: Oh, youre such a liar. (to William) She hates surprises. Hey, What are you gonna order? ANNA: Huh? JEFF: From him. What are you gonna order? ANNA: Um, I haven't decided yet. JEFF: Well, don't over-do it. I don't want people saying, 'There goes that famous actor with the big, fat girlfriend." WILLIAM: I should leave. This is a fairly strange reality to be faced with. ANNA: I'm so sorry... I don't know what to say. WILLIAM: Well, I think, um, good-bye is traditional. SPIKE : Come on. Open up. This is me. Spikey.I'm in contact with some quite important spiritual v ibrations.Come on. Hit me with it.WILLIAM : There's this girlSPIKE : Aha. See, I been gettin' a female vibe. Good.Speak on, dear friend.WILLIAM : She's someone who... can't be mine, and, uh,it's as if I've taken love heroin, and now I can' t ever have it again.I've opened Pandora's box and there's trouble inside.SPIEK : Mmm. Yeah. Tricky. Tricky. I knew a girl at school called Pandora.Never got to see her box orWILLIAM : Right. Right. Thanks. That's very helpful. MAX :You didn't know she had a boyfriend?WILLAIM : No. No. Why? Did you?Oh, bloody h ell. I don't believe it. My whole life ruined because I don't read Hello magazin e.MAX : Let's face facts. This was always a no-win situation. Anna's... a goddes s.You know what happens to mortals who get involved with the gods.WILLIAM : Bugg ered, is it?MAX : Every time. But don't despair. I think I have the solution to your problems.WILLIAM : Really? MAX : Mm-hmm. Her name is Tessa. She works in th e Contracts Department.The hair, I admit, is unfashionably frizzy, but she's bri ght as a button and kisses like a nymphomaniac on death row. apparently. [ Doorb ell Ringing ]MAX : Now... try.TESSA : I got completely lost. it's very difficult , isn't it? Everything's got the word "Kensington" in it.Kensington Park Road. K ensington Garden. Kensington bloody Park Garden.MAX : Tessa, this is Bella, my w ife.TESSA : Hello. You're in a wheelchair.BELLA : That's right.MAX : And this is William.TESSA : Hello, William. Max has told me everything about you.WILLIAM : Has he?TESSA : Oh, yes. You are a naughty boy.MAX : Wine? TESSA : Oh, yes, pleas e. Come on, Willie. Let's get sloshed.MAX : Red or white? TESSA : Red. MAX : Kez iah. Some woodcock?KEZIAH : No, thank you. I'm a fruitarian.WILLIAM : Ah. What i s a fruitarian, exactly?KEZIAH : We believe that fruits and vegetables have feel ings so we think cooking is cruel.We only eat things that have actually fallen from the tree or bush that are, in fact, dead already.WILLIAM : Ah. Oh, right. R ight. So, um, these carrots?KEZIAH : Have been murdered, yes. WILLIAM : Murdered . Poor old carrots. That's--That's beastly. WOMAN : Delicious coffee.MAX : I'm s orry about the lamb.WOMAN : No. I thought it was...|really, you know, interestin g.WILLIAM : Interesting means inedible.WOMAN : Really inedible. Yes, you're righ tWell, maybe we'll meet again.WILLIAM : Yeah, yeah. That would be, uh-- be great .WOMAN : Bye. MAX : Well?WILLIAM : Perfect. Absolutely perfect.BELLA : And?WILLI AM : You see I think you've forgotten what an unusual situation you two have to find someone you actually... love who'll love you. The chances are always minus cule.Look at me. Apart from the American, I've only loved two girls, both total disasters.MAX : That's not fair. WILLIAM : One of them marries me, then leaves m e... faster than you can say "Indiana Jones."And the other-- who seriously ought to have known better-- casually marries my best friend.BELLA : She still loves you, though. WILLIAM : In a depressingly asexual way.BELLA : I never fancied you much, actually.WILLIAM : Oh, God.BELLA : I loved you. You were terribly funny, but... all that kissing my earsWILLIAM : I don't believe it. This is just getting worse. I shall find myself 30 years from now still sitting on this sofa.BELLA : Do you wanna stay? WILLIAM : Yeah. Why not? All that awaits me at home is a mas turbating Welshman.MAX : Here we go.BELLA : Good night.MAX : Night. MAX : See yo u. Wil.WILLIAM : Right. Guilty. Very, very guilty.BELLA : So it seems. ANNA : Hi . Can I come in?WILLIAM : Come in.ANNA : They were taken years ago. I know it wa s--Well I was poor and--|it happens a lot.That's not an excuse. But to make mat ters worse, it now appears as though... someone was filming me as well. So what was a stupid photo shoot... now looks like a porno film.The pictures have been s old and they're just... everywhere.I didn't know where to go. The hotel's surrou nded. I know it's been months, but--WILLIAM : This is the place.ANNA : Thank you . I'm just in London... for two days, but what with your papers, it's the worst place to be.These pictures are just so horrible, and they're so grainy. it makes me look like--WILLIAM : Don't think about it. We'll sort it out. What would you like? Tea? Bath?ANNA : A bath would be great.SPIKE : Oh, Christ alive! Brillian t. Fantastic. Magnificent.ANNA : You must be Spike. Hi.SPIKE : Just... checkin'. Thank you, God. ANNA : I'm really sorry about last time. He just flew in. I h ad no idea.In fact, I had no idea if he was ever gonna fly in again.WILLIAM ; Al l right. It's not often one has the opportunity to adios... the plates of a majo r Hollywood film star.it was, um--|it was thrilling for me. So how is he?ANNA : I don't know. It just got to the point... where I couldn't remember any of the r easons why we were together. And you and love?WILLIAM : Oh, well, there's a ques tion, um, without an interesting answer.ANNA : I have thought about you.WILLIAM : Oh.ANNA : it's just that... anytime I've tried to keep... anything normal with a person that was...normal, it's just been a disaster.WILLIAM : Listen, I appre ciate that. Absolutely. So what is that, a film you're doing?ANNA : Um, start in L.A. on Tuesday.WILLIAM : Would you like me to take you through your lines?ANNA: Would you? 'Cause it's all talk, talk, talk.WILLIAM : Hand it over. Right. Um , basic plot?ANNA : I'm a difficult but brilliant junior officer... who in about 20 minutes is gonna save the world from nuclear disaster.WILLIAM : Mm-hmm. Okay . Well done, you. WILLIAM : "Message from Command. Would you like them to send i n the H.K.s?"ANNA: No. Turn over four T.R.S.s and tell them we need radar feedba ck... before the K.F.T.s return at 1900.Then inform the Pentagon we'll need|Blac k Star cover from 1000 through 1215. And if you say one word about how many mist akes I made in that speech, I'll pelt you with olives.WILLIAM : Very well, Capta in. I'll pass that on straightaway.ANNA : Thank you. How many mistakes did I mak e?WILLIAM : Eleven. ANNA : Damn it. And WainwrightWILLIAM : Cartwright.AN NA : Cartwright, Wainwright, whatever your name is, I promised little Jimmy I'd be home for his birthday,so could you get a message to him that I may be late.WI LLIAM : Certainly. And, uh, little Johnny?ANNA : My son's name is Johnny? WILLIA M : Yep.ANNA : Then get a message to him too.WILLIAM : I'll do what I can, Capta in, but I can't promise anything. And Cartwright goes.ANNA : What do you think? WILLIAM : Gripping. it's not Jane Austen. it's not Henry James, but it's... grip ping.ANNA : Think I should do Henry James instead?WILLIAM : Right. I think you w ould be brilliant in Henry James. But you know, this writer-- writers--they're pretty damn good too.ANNA : You never get anyone on Wings of the Dove saying, "i nform the Pentagon we need Black Star cover."WILLIAM : For me the book is the po orer for it. ANNA : I can't believe you have that picture.WILLIAM : You like Cha gall?ANNA : I do. it feels like how love should be-- floating through a dark blu e sky.WILLIAM : With a goat, playing a violin.ANNA : Well, yes. Happiness isn't happiness without a violin-playing goat. ANNA : You have big feet.WILLIAM : Yes. Yes, always have had.ANNA : You know what they say about men with big feet.WILL IAM : No. What's that?ANNA : Uh, big feet, large... shoes.The thing that is so i rritating... is that now I'm so fierce when it comes to nudity clauses.WILLIAM : You actually have... clauses in your contract about nudity?ANNA : Definitely."Y ou may show the dent of the top of the artist's buttocks, but neither cheek."Or if there's a stunt bottom being used... "artist must have full consultation."WIL LIAM : You have a stunt bottom?ANNA : I could have a stunt bottom, yes.WILLIAM : Are people tempted to go for better bottoms than their own?ANNA : Yeah. I would . This is important stuff.WILLIAM : It's one hell of a job, isn't it? What do yo u put on your passport?"Profession: Mel Gibson's bottom."ANNA : Actually, Mel do es his own ass work.WIILIAM : Right.ANNA : Why wouldn't he?WILLIAM : Absolutely. ANNA : It's delicious.WILLIAM : What, the ice cream or Mel Gibson's bottom?ANNA : Both. Equally.WILLIAM : But you wouldn't necessarily lick both?ANNA : Well, th is is tart. And fuzz-free.WILLIAM : And, uh-- Bedroom. There's clean sheets.ANNA : Today's been a good day, which in the circumstances is... unexpected.WILLIAM : Thank you. Anyway, um, time for bed. Or sofa bed.ANNA : Good night.WILLIAM : G ood night. WILLIAM : Oh, my God. Hello?SPIKE : Hello.WILLIAM : Spike.SPIKE : I w onder if I could have a little word.WILLIAM : Right. SPIKE : I don't want to int erfere or anything, but she's just split up from her boyfriend, right?WILLMA : M aybe.SPIKE : And she's in your house.WILLIAM : Yes.SPIKE : And you get on very w ell.WILLIAM : Yes. SPIKE : Well, isn't this, perhaps, a nice opportunity to... s lip her one.WILLIAM : Spike, for God's sakes. She's in trouble. Get a grip.SPIKE : You think it's the wrong moment. Fair enough.WILLIAM : Do you mind if I have a go?WILLIAM : Spike!SPIKE : Okay.WILLIAM : I'll talk to you in the morning.SPIK E : Okay. Might be too late, but okay.WILLIAM : Please, sod off.ANNA : Okay. WIL LIAM : No. No, no! Wait! I thought you were, um, someone else.I thought you were Spike. I'm thrilled that you're not.WILLIAM : Wow.ANNA : What?WILLIAM : Nothing .WILLIAM : It does strike me as, well, surreal that I'm allowed to see you naked .ANNA : You and every person in this country.WILLIAM : I'm sorry.ANNA : What is it about men and nudity, huh? Particularly breasts.How can you be so interested in them?WILLIAM : Well--ANNA : But, seriously, they're just breasts. Every secon d person in the world has them.WILLIAM : More than that, when you think about it . Meat Loaf has a very nice pair.ANNA : But they're odd-looking. They're for mil k. Your mother has them.You've seen a thousand of them. What's all the fuss abou t?WILLIAM : Actually, I can't think what it is, really. Let me just have a quick look.Nope, nope. Beats me.ANNA : Rita Hayworth used to say, "They go to bed with Gilda, they wake up with me."WILLIAM : Who was Gilda?ANNA : Her most famous pa rt. Men went to bed with the dream and they didn't like it when they woke up wit h the reality. Do you feel that way?WILLIAM : You are lov elier this morning tha n you have ever been.ANNA : I'll be right back. Breakfast in bed.WILLIAM : Oh.ANNA : Or it's brunch or lunch or something.WILLIAM : My God. ANNA : Can I st ay a bit longer?WILLIAM : Stay forever.ANNA : Forgot the jam. I'll get the jam, you get the door. WILLIAM : Jesus Christ.ANNA : What? What is it?WILLIAM : Nothi ng, really.ANNA : You're up to something.WILLIAM : Anna, no, please!ANNA : My Go d. And they got a picture of you dressed like that.WILLIAM : Yes. Undressed like this, yeah.SPIKE : Morning, darling ones. ANNA : It's me. The press are here. N o, there are hundreds of them.My brilliant plan was not so brilliant. I know. I know. Just get over here. Damn it.WILLIAM : Um, I wouldn't go outside.SPIKE : Wh y not?WILLIAM : Just take my word for it.SPIKE : Oh. How did I look? Not bad. No t at all bad.Well-chosen briefs, I'd say. Chicks love gray.Nice firm buttocks.WI LLIAM : How are you doing?ANNA : How do you think I'm doing?WILLIAM : I don't kn ow what happened.ANNA : I do. Your furry friend thought he'd make a buck telling the papers where I was.WILLIAM : That's not true.ANNA : Really? The entire Brit ish press got up this morning and thought, "I know where Anna Scott is.She's in that house with the blue door in Notting Hill." Then you go out in your goddamn underwear!SPIKE : I went out in my goddamn underwear too.WILLIAM : Get out! Im so sorry.ANNA : This is such an unbelievable mess. I come to you to protect myself against more crappy gossip,and now I've landed in it all over again. For God's s ake, I've got a boyfriend!WILLIAM : You have? ANNA : As far as they're concerned I do. And now, tomorrow there'll be pictures of you in every newspaper from her e to Timbuktu!WILLIAM : I know that, but... just let's stay calm.ANNA : You stay calm! This is a perfect situation for you, isn't it? Minimum input, maximum pub licity.Everywhere you go, people will say, "Well done, you. You slept with that actress. We saw the pictures."WILLIAM : That is spectacularly unfair.ANNA : That 's yours. Maybe it'll even help business.Buy a boring book about Egypt from the guy that screwed Anna Scott.WILLIAM : Stop! Stop! I beg you! Calm down. How abou t a cup of tea?ANNA : I don't want a goddamn cup of tea. I just wanna go home.WI LLIAM : Spike, see who that is and put some clothes on, for God's sake.SPIKE : Looks like a chauffeur to me.ANNA : Spike owes you an expensive dinner or holida y, depending who's got the brains to get the going rate on betrayal.WILLIAM : Th at is not true. Wait a minute. This is crazy behavior. Can't we just laugh about all this?Seriously. in the huge sweep of things this stuff doesn't matter.SPIKE : What he's gonna say next is there's people starving in the Sudan.WILLIAM : We ll, there are, and we don't have to go anywhere near that far.My best friend sli pped down stairs cracked her back... and she's in a wheelchair for the rest of h er life.All I'm asking for is a normal amount of perspective.ANNA : You're right . Of course, you're right. it's just that I've dealt with this garbage for ten y ears.You've had it for ten minutes. Our perspectives are very different.WILLIAM : Today's newspapers will be lining tomorrow's wastepaper bin.ANNA : Excuse me?W ILLIAM ; You know it's just one day. Tomorrow, today's papers will all have been thrown out.ANNA : You really don't get it. This story will be filed.Every time anyone writes anything about me, they'll dig up these photos.Newspapers last for ever. I'll regret this forever.WILLIAM : Right. Right. I will feel the opposite, if that's okay by you, and, uh, always be glad that you..came to stay. But, um, you're probably right. You better go. WILLIAM : Was it you?SPIKE : I may have t old a few people down at the pub.WILLIAM : Right. HONEY : Have I got something f or you. Something which will make you love me so much,you will want to hug me ev ery day for the rest of my life.WILLIAM : Blimey. What is it?HONEY : Phone numbe r of Anna Scott's agent in London... and her agent in New York.Listen, you think about her all the time. Now you can ring her.WILLIAM : Yeah. Brilliant. Thanks. HONEY : I'll see you tonight. Hey, Marty. Ooh! Sexy cardi. BELLA : Shh! Hello! I have a little speech to make. I won't stand up because I can't... be bothered.E xactly a year ago today, this man here started the finest restaurant in London.W ILLIAM : Hear, hear.TONY : Thank you very much.BELLA : Unfortunately, no one eve r came to eat here.TONY : it's a tiny hiccup.BELLA : And so we have to face the fact that from next week, we must find somewhere new to eat.I just want to say to Tony...don't take it personally.The more I think about things, the more I see no rhyme or reason in life.No one knows why some things work out and some things don't.Why some of us get lucky... and some of usBERNIE : Get fired.HONEY : What?BELLA : No!BERNIE : Yeah, well, it seems they're shifting the whole outf it... much more towards the emerging markets.And, of course, well, I was total c rap, so--TONY : A toast to Bernie-- the worst stockbroker in the whole world.HON EY : I thank you. And Tony, the worst restauranteur.ALL : Tony and Bernie. Both crap...The terrible two in their own special ways.HONEY : Since it's an evening |of announcements, uh, I've also got one.Um, I've decided to get engaged. I've f ound myself a nice, slightly odd-looking bloke... who I know is gonna make me ha ppy for the rest of my life.WILLIAM : Wait a sec. I mean, I-- I'm your brother. I don't know anything about this. Is he--Is he financially viable?HONEY : He's a n artist...with brilliant prospects.WILLIAM : This is a secret you've been keepi ng from me.BELLA : No, I swear!HONEY : By the way, it's you.SPIKE : Me?HONEY : W hat do you think?SPIKE : Well, yeah. Groovy.MAX : Excuse me. Are there any more announcements?WILLIAM : Well, actually, yes. I feel I should apologize to everyo ne... for my behavior over the last six months. I have, as you know, been somewh at down in the mouth.MAX : There's an understatement. There are dead people on b etter form.WILLIAM : But I just wish to make it clear that I've turned a corner, and, um, henceforward intend to be impressively happy.BELLA : Oh, God. I'm horr ibly drunk.HONEY : Come on. MAX : So you've laid the ghost?WILLIAM : I believe I have.MAX : Don't give a damn about the famous girl?WILLIAM : No. No, I don't th ink I do.MAX : Which means you won't be distracted by the fact that she's back i n London... grasping her Oscar...and currently to be found filming, most days, o n Hampstead Heath.WILLIAM : Oh, God, no.MAX : So not over her, in fact. SECURITY : Can I help you?WILLIAM : Yeah, I'm, um-- I'm looking for Anna Scott.SECURITY : Does she know you're coming?WILLIAM : No. No, uh, she doesn't.SECURITY : I'm a fraid I can't let you through, sir.WILLIAM : Right. I mean, I am actually a frie nd. I'm not a lunatic, but-- No, you basically, erSECURITY : Can't let you throu gh, sir. ANNA : Well, this is, uh--WILLIAM : I only found out you were here yest erday.ANNA : I was going to call, but I Woman : Uh, Anna.ANNA : Yes. Um-- Things aren't going very well, and it's our last day.WILLIAM : Absolutely, yeah. You'r e clearly very busy.ANNA : But if-- if you could wait, there are... things to sa y.WILLIAM : Okay.ANNA : Drink tea. There's lots of tea.KAREN : Come and have a l ook. Are you a fan of Henry James?WILLIAM : This is a Henry James film?KAREN : Y eah. This is, uh, Harry.He'll give you a pair of headphones so you can hear t he dialogue.WILLIAM : Thank you very much.KAREN : No problem.WILLIAM : Hi.HARRY : Hi. Here we go. Volume's on the side. Have a seat.WILLIAM : Thank you. JAMES : [Through Headphones ]We are living in cloud cuckoo land. We'll never get this done today.ANNA : We've got to. Ive got to be in New York on Thursday.JAMES : Oh, stop showing off. God, that's an enormous ass.ANNA : I'm not listening.JAMES : But seriously, it's not fair. So many tragic young teenagers with anorexia...and that girl has an ass she could perfectly well share around... with at least ten other women and still be big-bottomed.ANNA : I would think, looking at somethin g nice like that, you and your...bony little excuse for an arse...would be well advised to keep quiet. Now down to business. The end of the scene.Um, I ask you when you're telling everyone, and you sayJAMES : Um, tomorrow will be soo n enough.ANNA : And then I-- Right. Okay.JAMES : Say, who was that rather diffid ent chap I saw you talking to round the back?ANNA : No one. Just some guy from t he past. it's a bit of an awkward situation. I don't know what he's doing here. WILLIAM : Of course. Thanks. I've got to, um--HARRY : Any time.MAN : Ladies and gentlemen, can we have you on your first marks? On your first marks! MARTIN : Uh , l-I do hate to disturb you whilst you're cooking the books, but, uh, there's a delivery for you.WILLIAM : Martin, really. Can't you just do it yourself?MARTIN : But you see, this is not for the shop. This is for you.WILLIAM : Right. Okay. Tell me, if I employ a wet rag, would l have to pay it as much as I pay you?ANN A : Hi.WILLIAM : Hello.ANNA : You disappeared.WILLIAM : Yeah. Yeah. Um-- I had t o leave. I didn't want to disturb.ANNA : How have you been?WILLIAM : Fine, fine. Everything much the same. When they change the law, Spike and I will marry imme diately.Whereas you, I've watched in wonder. Awards, glory.ANNA : Oh, no. it's--it's all nonsense, believe me. I'd no idea how much nonsense it was, but. nonse nse it all is.Well, um-- Yesterday was our last day of filming, so... I'm leavin g.But, um--I brought this for you from home, so I thought I'd give it to you.WIL LIAM : Thank you. Shall I--ANNA : Oh, no, don't open it now. I'll be embarrassed .WILLIAM : Well, thank you. I don't know what it's for, but thanks anyway.ANNA : Actually, I had it in my apartment and I thought you'd--But when it came to it, I didn't know how to call having behaved so badly. Twice.So it's just been sitt ing in the hotel. Then you came and... I figured--The thing is, The thing is--WI LLIAM : What? What is the thing?Don't even think about it. Go away immediately. Go away.MR. SMITH : Right. Sorry.WILLIAM : You were saying?ANNA : Yes. I have to go away today, but l wondered if I didn't... whether you might let me see you a little,or... a lot, maybe. See if you could like me again.WILLIAM : But yester day that actor asked you who I was, and you just dismissed me out of hand. I hea rd. You had a microphone. I had headphones.ANNA : You expect me to tell the tru th about my life... to the most indiscreet man in England?MARTIN : Uh, excuse me . it's your mother on the phone.WILLIAM : Will you tell her I'll ring her back?M ARTIN : I've actually tried that tack, but she said you've said that once before ,and it's now been about 24 hours... and the foot that was purple is now sort of blackish in color and--WILLIAM : Right, right. Yeah. Perfect timing, as ever. Martin, hold the fort a second.MARTIN : Uh, yes. All right. Um, could I just sa y-- I thought Ghost was the most wonderful film.ANNA : Is that right?MARTIN : O h, yes. Um, I've always wondered... what Patrick Swayze's like in real life.ANNA : I can't say that I know Patrick all that well.MARTIN : He wasn't that friendl y during filming?ANNA : Well, I'm sure he was friendly to Demi Moore who acted w ith him in Ghost.MARTIN : Oh. Oh, right. Sorry. Always been a bit of an ass. Um, anyway-- Um--Well, it was lovely to meet you. I'm a huge, huge fan of yours. An d Demi's, of course.WILLIAM : Sorry.ANNA : That's fine. There's always a pause w hen the jury goes out to consider their verdict.WILLIAM : Anna, look, um-- I'm a fairly levelheaded bloke, not often in and out of love.But, uh-- Can I just say no to your... kind request and, uh, leave it at that?ANNA : Yes. Fine. Of cours e. I-- Of course.I'll just be going, then. It was nice to see you.WILLIAM : The thing is, with you I'm in real... danger.It seems like a... perfect situation, a part from that foul temper of yours, But... my relatively inexperienced heart wo uld, I fear, not.. recover, uh, if I was...once again cast aside as I would abso lutely expect to be.There are just too many pictures of you, too many films.You' d go and I'd be, uh, well, buggered, basically.ANNA : That really is a real no, isn't it?WILLIAM : I live in Notting Hill. You live in... Beverly Hills.Everyone in the world knows who you are. My mother has trouble remembering my name.ANNA: Fine. Fine. Good decision. Good decision.The fame thing isn't really real, you know?And don't forget I'm-- I'm also just a girl... standing in front of a boy. .. asking him to love her.Good-bye. WILLIAM : So what do you think? Good move?HO NEY : Yeah, good move. I mean, when all's said and done she's nothing special.I saw her taking her trousers down and I definitely glimpsed some cellulite down t here.BELLA : Good decision, yeah. All actresses are as mad as snakes.WILLIAM : T ony, what do you reckon? TONY : Never met her, never want to.WILLIAM : Brilliant . Max?MAX : Absolutely. Never trust a vegetarian.WILLIAM : Great. Thanks. Brilli ant.SPIKE : I was called and I came. What's up?HONEY : William's just turned dow n Anna Scott.SPIKE : You daft prick.HONEY : No, no. it's actually quite sensible .BELLA : That painting isn't the original, is it?WILLIAM : Um, you know, I think it might be, yeah.BERNIE : But she said she wanted to go out with you.WILLIAM : Yeah.BERNIE : Well, that's nice.WILLIAM : What?BERNIE : Well, you know, anyone saying they wanna go out with you is pretty great, isn't it?WILLIAM : It was... sort of... sweet, actually.Um, I mean, I know she's an actress and all that... s o she can... deliver a line, but, um,she said she might be as famous as she can be, but also that she was just a girl...standing in front of a boy... asking him ... to love her.Oh, sod a dog. I've made the wrong decision, haven't I?SPIKE : Y eah.WILLIAM : Max, how fast is your car?ALL : Good luck!MAX : If anyone gets in our way, we have small nuclear devices.BERNIE : Where to?WILLIAM : All I can thi nk is The Ritz.MAX : Where's Bella?HONEY : She's not coming.MAX : Oh, sod that. Bernie, in the back.BERNIE : What?BELLA : Max, I'm okay.MAX : Come on, babe.BELLA : Which way are you going?MAX : Down Kensington Church Street, then Knightsbri dge, then Hyde Park Corner.BELLA : No, crazy. Go along Bayswater.HONEY : That's right. Then Park Lane.BERNIE : No, straight down to the Cromwell Road, then left .WILLIAM : No!MAX : Stop right there! I will decide the route. All right?WILLIAM : Sorry, Max.MAX : James Bond never has to put up with this sort of shit.BELLA : Turn right!MAX : I can't. it's one wayBELLA : Do a U-turn.MAX : Oh, sod it. Ho ld on. Brilliant!BERNIE : Bloody hell, this is fun!WILLIAM : Im sorry. Is Miss Sco tt staying here?RITZ MAN: No, sir.WILLIAM : How 'bout Miss Flintstone?R.M : No, sir.WILLIAM : Uh, Bambi?R.M : No, sir.WILLIAM : Or, um-- I don't know. Beavis or Butt-head?R.M : No, sir.WILLIAM : Thanks. Thanks.R.M : There was a Miss Pocaho ntas, But she checked out about an hour ago.I believe she's holding a press conf erence at the Savoy... before flying to America.BERNIE : We have liftoff. MAN : You have message for Takiama?R.M : I'll just check, sir. SPIKE : Bugger this for a bunch of bananas. Stop! Stop! Stop! Stay there! Go! Go! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Han g on! Come on! No! Wait! Wait there! Come on! Come on! Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa! G o on! Through, through!HONEY : You're my hero!SPIKE : Whoa! Down boy. WILLIAM : Excuse me.MAN : Yes?WILLIAM : Where's the press conference, please?MAN : Are you an accredited member of the press?WILLIAM : Yep. There you go.MAN : That's a Bl ockbuster Video membership card, sir.WILLIAM : That's right. I work for their in -house magazine. Movies Are Our Business.MAN : I'm sorry, sir.BELLA : He's with me.MAN : And you are?BELLA : Writing an article on how London hotels treat peopl e in wheelchairs.MAN : Yes, of course, madam. it's in the Lancaster Room. Though I'm afraid you're rather late.HONEY : Run!REPORTER : Does this mean that Miss S cott will not be publicizing her next film?MAN : No, it absolutely does not mean that. She'll be abiding by all her present commitments.She just won't be making any more for the next year.REP.2 : When will the film be released?MAN : At the moment, the plan is to release in America towards the end of the autumn,and over here around Christmas or early in the new year.Right! Dominic.DOMINIC : Anna, h ow much longer are you staying in the U.K., then?ANNA : No time at all. I leave tonight.MAN : Which is why we have to round things up now, so final questions, p lease. Yes. Lady there.REP.3 : Is your decision to take a year off anything to d o... with the rumors about Jeff and his present leading lady?ANNA : Absolutely n ot.REP.3 : Do you believe the rumors?ANNA : Well, it's really not my business an ymore.Though I will say, from my experience, rumors about Jeff do tend to be tru e.REP.4 : Yeah. The last time you were here, there were some fairly graphic phot ographs... taken of you with a young English guy. So, uh, what happened there?A NNA : He was just a friend. We're still friends, I think.MAN : Right, um--Yes. G entleman in the pink shirt.WILLIAM : Yes. Miss Scott, are there any circumstance s in which... the two of you... might be more than just good friends?ANNA : I ho ped there would be, but no, I'm... assured there aren't.WILLIAM : But what would you say ifMAN : Sorry. Just the one question, please.ANNA : No, it's all right. You were saying.WILLIAM : I was just wondering if, uh, it turned out that this pe rson, uh--REP. : Thacker. His name was Thacker.WILLIAM : Thanks, thanks. I just wondered whether if... Mr. Thacker realized he'd been a daft prick...and got do wn on his knees and... begged you to reconsider, whether you would, in fact, the n... reconsider?ANNA : Yes, I believe I would.WILLIAM : That's very good news. U m--The readers of Horse & Hound will be absolutely delighted.MAN : Right. Uh, Do minic, if you'd like to ask your question again?DOMINIC : Yeah? Anna, how long a re you intending to stay here in Britain?ANNA : Indefinitely.SPIKE : What happen ed?HONEY : It was good. ---THE END-- me . 3 - topprofile (finest_) How r u doin today? . category (5) Let's study!! favorite things in Boston in New York in New Zealand in sydney photolog reviewlog [] tags | . 2011.10 SunMonTueWedThuFriSat 1 2345678 9101112131415 16171819202122 23242526272829 3031 recent comment [] Notting Hill script ( ) neighbor activity 1 0 22 Today 0Total 3949RSS 2.0 RSS 1.0 ATOM 0.3 POWERED BY NAVER BLOG 2009 6 30 . , . . . .{FILENAME} . PC . .{ALERTMESSAGE} : {FILENAME}PC N ISO . , . . . . PC . . (1) . . . . . . . . . . , . . . . . . . 1 . 1 . 1 . 1 5 . . ? . ID .