Notion Press

Old No. 38, New No. 6McNichols Road, Chetpet

Chennai - 600 031

First Published by Notion Press 2017Copyright © Priyanka Sharma Kaintura 2017

All Rights Reserved.

ISBN 978-1-946515-20-9

This book has been published with all reasonable efforts taken to make the material error-free after the consent of the author. No part of this book shall be used, reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

The Author of this book is solely responsible and liable for its content including but not limited to the views, representations, descriptions, statements, information, opinions and references [“Content”]. The Content of this book shall not constitute or be construed or deemed to reflect the opinion or expression of the Publisher or Editor. Neither the Publisher nor Editor endorse or approve the Content of this book or guarantee the reliability, accuracy or completeness of the Content published herein and do not make any representations or warranties of any kind, express or implied, including but not limited to the implied warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose. The Publisher and Editor shall not be liable whatsoever for any errors, omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause or claims for loss or damages of any kind, including without limitation, indirect or consequential loss or damage arising out of use, inability to use, or about the reliability, accuracy or sufficiency of the information contained in this book.

vii

CONTENTS

Author’s Note xiii Acknowledgments xv

ORATIONS 1Disappearing Memory Of Partition 5What Makes Shiva So Desirable? 7Unblemished But Hollow 8Satvin Trees 9Dousable Skirmishes 10Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace 12Are You Mollifying The Right Shiva? 13Arjun Or Bhima 15Whatever & Whatever 17Bite-Sized Life 18What Is Gana Of Ganapati? 19The Fort 21Women Of Chittorgarh 22Sands Of Time 23The Chance To Share Emotions 25When I Died 27The Principle Of Uncertainity 29Abandoned Promises 30Step Out, Mediators 31Are You That One Call? 32Radha Plays Krishna’s Flute 33All War Is Based On Deception 35Where Is Our Fire? 36My Lama Boy 38Seed Of Invulnerability 39Kalptaru Of Love 40

viii

CONTENTS

ECLOGUES 43You Smile On My Lips 47What A Dolt I Was That I Waited To Grow Old 48The Amber Scarf 50I Truly Want To 51Chimes And Fairy Lights 52The Braided Travelogue 53I Savour That 54Unassuming Daisy 56Forgive Me; All Roads Would Lead To Your Heart 57Oh Dear 58If I Love You, I Live You 59Wish Time Was As Gracious 60I Smiled Inside 61Hurricane Katrina 62Thank Goodness I Show Up For Life Every Day 64You And Me 66The Red Rain 67Unbecoming Words 68This Is How Civilised I Stand 69Of Adolescence 70Let Me Be A Nameless Face 71Whatever Happened 72

Spaces 73

MONOLOGUES AND DIALOGUES 75The Moss 79Deep Conversations 81Fondness, Respect, Commitment 82What All Must I Tell You, My Girl? 83Ageless Love 85The Treasure Beneath The Rubble 86Spirited Dreams 87You Are Beautiful 89Mirror Eyes 90Blissful Disremembrance 91Talk To Me, Mirror 93Ingratitude In Fashion 94What Face To Wear 95

ix

CONTENTS

The Window 96Trusting The Mistrust 9740 Shades Of Grey 98Mobile Lovers 99Pet Parents 100

Guns 101Hedge Plan For Relationships 103Come With Me, Let’s Walk Together 104Mediocre Love 105

STORIES 107Lily And Tulsi 111Thank You 114The Door 116Her Pointless Conquest 118The Young Mango Tree 120Released My Cattle 125Gluttonous Love 126Pliable Love 127I Will Give You Wings, Anca 129Unmindful Clamor 131The Train 132

THE NINE SHADES OF DURGA 135

Netra 137 Shaila 139 Aparna 141 Chandra 142 Kushma 144 Skanda 145 Katyayini 147 Raudra 149 Gauri 151 Siddhi 152

Ramadan Kareem 155Artless Joy Of Surrender 157The Glass Wall 158The Gospel Of The Eyes 160

Agape 162

x

CONTENTS

Data Network: Cosmos 163Resilient Roots 165Fallen Cherry Blossoms 167Just Breathe 169Trojan Virus Of The Spirit 171The Mystery Of Rubber Chappals 173The Light Inside 175

PATHOS 179The Housecoat 183The Pitter Patter 184The Wait Is Still On 185She Sees The Grey And She Bakes The Grey 186Incense From Pattaya 187Till Death Do Us Part 188Time Un-Heals 190Rain Mask 191What Heirlooms? 192And Gate Truth Table 194Rain On The Pane 195I Win You Over, Nonetheless 196

SATIRE & SARCASM 197Of What I Thought Was Deep Human Equation 201Why Walk Alone 202Inr Levels 204The Dumb Kit 205Polite Animal People 207

Oh-So-Breezy-Us 208Human Whisperer 210Being Human 211Where The Mind Is With Fear 213

LIFE APHORISMS & EPIGRAMS 215All In Vain 219Quit Mooning About 220Cream And Coffee 221

Something 222The Most Abiding Union 223Postcard From Bangkok 224

xi

CONTENTS

Postcard From Tapovan 225Ego Splinters 226Winds Never Dared 227Those Were The Days 228Let’s Make This Journey Our Home 229When Laughter Frolicked 230The Weather Is About To Change 231‘Bairaag’ By Love 232I Can Hear You Outside Of Me 233

ORATIONS

Why collect all your hopes in one place, Hoping hope will brighten up your world

Let the light of hope be speckled in unknown spots So it can surprise you with a twinkle here and a sparkle there

Or simply remain out of sight, keeping your hopes alive

5

DISAPPEARING MEMORY OF PARTITION

“I ran into the provisions room and jumped straight into a cauldron as large as me. Little did I know that the

servants had filled it up with ghee,” laughed heartily my grannie, narrating to me a game of hide and seek with her brother. Her eyes, wide-open with excitement, were evident through her thick glasses and were molten with lovely memories, as if she was still soaked in ghee (clarified butter) and could touch her brother’s hand, helping her climb out of the pot. What she could see, I could only conjure up in monochrome, but I could tell that the sound of her mother calling out for her and her father’s conversation with his friends in the baithak (drawing room) were fresh in her head.

And then, I assumed the string of her memories took her to the verandah of the house, “The swing in our courtyard was tied to the oldest tree inside the house, which had a rope so long that every time it went up, I got close to the green dome of the mosque that shared the wall of our house. The little boys on the terrace of the mosque sometimes animatedly waved at me.” This is when her eyes turned damp, and her voice turned sore. Decades departed, but the agony was intact. She said, “The soreness is not only about leaving our homes behind, but more from the awareness that the ship of faith foundered.” The excruciating hurt of

MY JIFFIES

6

losing belief in what they thought was their sweet world. The bloodbath, people cutting losses, death, drudgery and the horrid side of humankind they once believed didn’t exist…. This was not as much about a religion or faith. It was about people. People in the dark!

The generation, who witnessed the great partition, was spread around the world in their efforts to move on. That generation is now almost gone. My grannie is gone and Kushwant Singh is gone. With them, both handsome and nasty memories from that era would be gone. The disappearing memory of the partition leaves me with an itching thought: Animosity doesn’t seem to be leaving us even after these people are gone, but the resilience and endurance that they exhibited didn’t seem to touch us much, even when they were around. And the learnings? We can’t even begin to talk about those.

7

WHAT MAKES SHIVA SO DESIRABLE?

No wealth, no home, no gold, no silk. A tiger hidearound the waist, unconcernedly revealing the sculpted

built. No impressive transportation – just a friend, Nandi, doubling up as a ride at beck and call. Remote connection to civilized ways – ice cold Mansarovar for mirror and bath. Smeared in ash, cave-dweller, morgue-dweller, cosmic sage. No aspiration to build anything – not even for his lady love. Pipes, chillums, opioids and uncouth company. Then why did Shakti try so hard to get his attention? Shakti, known for her knowledge, elegance and tenderness! What made a sorted girl like her chase after him, birth after birth, just to be his consort? What made her immolate herself for his devotion? Shiva makes a great case study for being the most desirable man ever on earth, sans a single worldly quality that makes any man a fine catch.

On one hand, he could engulf Kama’s beautiful being in the flame of his fury, while on the other; he could turn a recluse for years on the loss of his love. Grief-stricken for Sati, he looked through Aparna’s disarming beauty but could readily turn into dust on Kala Ratri’s feet. He devoured on one side, while on the other, his embrace intoxicated the blood thirsty raw devi to grow into a serene beauty. His Tandav could make the skies go red, but his music hypnotized Gauri to cheerfully surrender.

His minimalism complemented his completeness and that made him a premium catch!

8

UNBLEMISHED BUT HOLLOW

The curtain valance fell off abruptly one evening. He couldn’t find why the wooden plank to which the

valance was secured gave way. The carpenter was called in, and he declared that the plank, that looked absolutely spotless and sturdy from the outside, was eaten up leisurely with time, by termites living inside. The wood had turned flimsy and couldn’t any longer hold the weight of the valance, which got dislodged from its position. The carpenter also said that until that area of the house was treated, the plank could look unblemished, but it wouldn’t take very long for it to become hollow & fall apart. He added that termites could travel to other parts of the house and that would be a frightful situation to deal with.

He instantly called the pest control team to take care of it and kept the phone down, mulling how termites are such an apt metaphor for human beliefs and practices. Almost every face one comes across looks spotless & sturdy, concealing the termite hills of beliefs and opinions inside. One can never tell which frilly valance will fall apart at what point of time.

9

SATVIN TREES

Every year, the Satvin trees flower by the month of October. The spicy-sweet fragrance in the air effortlessly

transports me years back to one single remembrance stamped in the by lanes of my mind. It has been a ritual; the fragrance does its job, and I do mine.

He would pick me from my work in South Delhi, and we would ride through the Lutyen’s Delhi, lined by gorgeously flower-laden Satvin trees, sizzling with fragrance.

The remembrance is a trail of mental images. Such as the motorbike cutting through the chill in the air, wide-open roads peppered by ice-cream hawkers, wind in my hair, foggy breath, my lips numb and bloodshot. His soft black hair peeking through the helmet, my cheek resting on his shoulder and gradually sliding to his back with upping chill-factor, both my hands in his jackets’ pockets, ready to be withdrawn at every traffic-light to avoid people’s attention. Him tugging my hand back into the pocket. And Satvins, for our company, through the ride.

Love is a great thing. It is most likely the only sensation in the world, which enables us to live in the moment. To live in the ‘now.’ Love has the capability to converge all our senses to the present moment. It awakens our senses to be with the person of our adulation wholly, making the thoughts, the visuals, the feelings, the fragrance, the touch preserved forever. This natural preservative packages the most stunning moments for us to reminisce forever.

10

DOUSABLE SKIRMISHES

Dorjey had been driving us in and around Leh for the last two days. He was a twenty-something Ladakhi, with a

certain amount of vanity about himself and about his brand new SUV. I couldn’t fathom if it was an unfair comparison, in my own mind’s workshop, with the other drivers I was driven by or if it was something singular to Dorjey. He was sent by a well-known travel outfit and was to double up as a guide, but I couldn’t relate to his serious and exceptionally quiet demeanor for a tourist guide. He didn’t interact much and spoke only when spoken to. Once or twice, I saw him checking on his vehicle’s rubber beadings after we shut the doors too hard for his comfort.

On day three, we were driving to Nubra, and Dorjey had played Hindi music in the car. The car was going through stunning but harsh terrains dotted by charming water bodies draped in green meadows, with horses galloping across. Multitude of thoughts was crossing my mind. A milestone reading “Kargil” made me admire the grit of the Indian army. I also marveled at Baba Nanak for crossing that land on foot. I saw glimpses of people’s daily battle with tough living, considering the other half of the state gets most of the attention due to both right and wrong explanations.

This was when a melodic song, with equally soulful words, pulled me out of my thoughts. I turned to Dorjey and asked, “Dorjey, I never heard this one before. It’s

ORATIONS

11

beautiful. You have a good collection. Which movie is it from?” Dorjey promptly told me, “This is from a recent movie,” and that was the first time I saw him wear a smile. We reached Nubra, which in my opinion is a baby born out of a clandestine union between Jaisalmer and Pahalgam. Kashmir, being the mother’s side, kept the baby.

On our way back to Leh, Dorjey played the same song on repeat many times, without me having to ask him. He also talked about the small business enterprises of his region and their challenges. He was smiling all through the rest of our trip and even got us apricots.

Simple lesson learnt – skirmishes can be doused. But not out of obligation, only out of disposition.

12

SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE

Silence is a virtue, but not entirely. It conveys a degree of authority and dignity in certain situations, but if

chosen wrongly, it brings reparations. At times, it fetches permanent damages.

Be it the Cauvery issue or religious fanaticism or our everyday lives, we see the vocal minority acting up, but the majority selects silence. They usually name it peace.

Interestingly, people who rage up the noise are the ones who don’t know much about the truth and are mostly led. While the ones who do and can make a difference by reasoning and deliberation, opt for silence. More often than not, they believe it’s honorable to go about their businesses and stay away from the dirty mess.

This reminds me of the traditional Christian wedding I recently attended. The Pastor asked the guests before he declared the marriage solemnized – Should anyone here present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony? Speak now or forever hold your peace.

13

ARE YOU MOLLIFYING THE RIGHT SHIVA?

Hindus observe the month of Shrawan (Saawan) and this effectively means increased visits to Shivalay,

Monday fasting, vegetarian meals, traffic jams in NCR and ‘Bhole’ genre of music with associated benefits. And all this is to appease Shiva.

Interestingly, a significant part of these believers outline Shiva as the ‘real man.’ For them, the Shivalinga symbolizes manhood, but the dichotomy lies in the fact that this symbol of virility is the biggest connotation ever for the inseparability of masculinity from femininity. Just this bit describes a large part of the enigma called Shiva.

If Shiva is the man they typify, then they shouldn’t scoff at their boys telling, “Man up, you can’t cry,” because Shiva, as we know it, wailed, moaned and brooded. They should not hope to see Shiva in their daughter’s husband if they can’t quit telling their own sons “Don’t you sway like a woman. Hell you can’t be a Kathak dancer!” or “How can you be a nurse? It’s a woman’s job.” If legends are to be believed, Shiva danced like wind, and he nursed his lady like a mother would. If they truly want men to be Shiva, they should think before ridiculing their boys, “Why so sensitive. Do you want to grow up into a sissy?,” for what our scriptures tell, Ardhanershwar invited the effeminate faculties.

MY JIFFIES

14

Thanks to us, boys suffocate the Shiva inside them and morph into a person they sometimes can’t communicate with. The freedom of being a human first and later a man, is the right we take away from them and that slays most of Shiva. So are you mollifying the right Shiva?

Enjoyed reading this sample?

Purchase the whole copy at