no drama leadership_marlene chism

8/17/2019 No Drama Leadership_Marlene Chism

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Critical Skills and MFor the No-Drama Leader

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www.marlenechism.com | www.stopworkpl

© 2016 Marlene Chism, Inc.

All Rights Reserved


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Critical Skill 1

Alignment


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A B

Alignment


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A B

Conflict


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Fami

Conflict

Career


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People

Conflict

Profits


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Misalignment = Competing PrioritiesValues

• Career versus family• Profits versus people

• Results versus relationships

• Kindness versus competitiveness

• Personal versus professional

• Success versus balance


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Signs of Misalignment in the Workp

• Policies that are not enforced• Walk doesn’t equal talk

• Allowing inadequate performance

• Making a promise and not keeping the promise

• Not giving employees the training the need

• People walking out and quitting without warning• Excessive and unwanted turnover


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Critical Mindset

Harmony


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Alignment = Harmony

• Law of the land• Values of the organization

• Personal values

• Rules and cultural norms of the workplace

• Other?


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What’s Required?

1. Declare your values

A. Self-Examination

B. Course-correction


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Declare Your Value

Honesty

Integrity

Kindnes


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Trying on Values


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Organizational Action Items

Teach the concept of alignment to your leaders.

Use examples in No Drama Leadership to illustrate lacalignment.

Ask each leader to declare at least two core values.

Add “alignment to personal values” as part of performa

feedback.


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Personal Action Items

Declare two core values.

Examine how these two values may compete.

Describe requirements of living in alignment with core

Describe how you “feel” when you are misaligned.


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Critical Skill 2

Communication


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Communication is...?


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Communication is absolutely necess

• Sales• Negotiating• Building teams• Gaining collaboration• Learning• Setting vision• Setting goals• Building relationships• Achievement• Success


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Communication is• The most important skill you will ever acquire

• A skill you have total control over learning

• A skill you may never fully master

• A skill that is under-utilized and undervalued


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Much of our communication is manipula

and reactive.


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Much of our communication is manipulareactive, rather than strategic and intent


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Manipulative and ReactiveCommunication

• Hinting• Eye-rolling

• Heavy sighing

• The silent treatment

• Fake apologies

• Playing dumb

• Sarcasm

• Avoiding• People pleasing

• Intimidation

• Emotional outburst

• Gossip

• Finger pointing• Passive Aggressive


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Critical Mindset

Communication is strategic not soft


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What Do These Things Have InCommon?

• Starting a new email without a warm introduction

• Writing a long overly detailed email

• Letting voice mail back up

• Losing control of a meeting

• Interrupting

• Telling long winded stories with no relevance

• Complaining about a boss or co-worker

• Losing your temper• Telling a sales person you are interested when you are not

• Making promises with no follow through


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Your communication habbecome your personal bra


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It’s More Strategic to • Speak truth

• Give honest feedback• Ask for what you want rather than hint

• Set a boundary

• Say “no” and mean it

• Keep everyone updated

• Be respectful• Deal with difficult issues

• Take responsibility for your emotions

• Learn how to effectively use the tools of communication• Text, Email, Phone


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What’s Required?

1. Self-awareness

2. A plan to improve

weaknesses

3. Practice

4. Accountability


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Make a list of communication deficits in your organization.

Put together a plan to offer communications development.

Determine how to make interpersonal communications par

performance evaluations.



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Decide on one communication skill to work on each month.

Ask a trusted colleague to tell you one area in which you can

Observe others who excel in areas where you need improvem

Practice a skill and seek feedback.



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Critical Skill 3

Relationship Building


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?Relationships…


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• Affect every area of your life

• Contribute to your health and well-being

• Are necessary for survival and success

Relationships


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Good relationships = living the dreBad relationships = living the dram


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All Drama Has a Relationship Compo


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The Karpman Drama Triangle


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How to Identify Rescuing Behaviors

• Difficulty saying “no”

• Resentment toward others

• Hiding the truth to protect others

• Control freak

• Constant need to fix other people’s problems

• The need to be the hero

• Doing other people’s emotional work


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Organizational Impact of Rescuing

• Create a culture of non-performers

• Enable victim mentality

• Leadership burnout


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How to Identify Victim Behaviors

• Constant complaining

• Resisting solutions and sound advice

• Sense of being “done wrong” much of the time

• Relying on parents excessively in adulthood

• Negativity

• Excuse-making• Low standards or unrealistic standards


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Organizational Impact of Victim Beh

• Create a culture of entitlement

• Employees exhibit behaviors of learned helplessness

• Lowered productivity


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How to Identify Persecutor Behavior

• The need to win every argument

• Justifying rude behaviors

• Harsh criticism/no mercy

• Sarcasm

• Angry outbursts

• High performer but disregard for others

• Passive aggressive behavior

Organizational Impact of Persecutin


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Organizational Impact of PersecutinBehavior

• Create a culture of fear

• Employees will not openly share information

• Absenteeism and turnover


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Critical Mindset

Creator orientation: I am a creator


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What’s Required?

1.Take full responsibility for yourself2. Super Vision versus Supervison


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Observe the patterns present in your organization

Look at policies that are in play but not enforced

Make a plan for course-correction

Put necessary systems and training in place to

Increase personal responsibility and create a learning environm



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Self-evaluate to determine the patterns you play on the trian

Decide where you need to implement a new boundary.

Notice how often you deny, or fail to speak truth.

Practice breaking patterns one habit at a time.



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Four Reasons for Relationship Dra


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1. Failure to speak your highest truth


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2. Failure to set an appropriate bounda


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3. Believing you are 100 % responsible f

someone else’s well-being, success o

happiness.


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4. Believing someone else is 100%

responsible

for your well-being, success, orhappiness.

F R f R l ti hi D


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1.Failure to speak the truth

2.Failure to set an appropriate boundary

3.Believing you are 100 % responsible for someone els

well-being, success. or happiness.

4.Believing someone else is 100% responsible for you

being, success, or happiness.


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www.marlenechism.comwww.stopworkplacedrama.com

[email protected]

417.831.1799

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