nlp tools for real life - amazon web...

[Type text]

Career Development Training

NLP Tools for Real Life

Self-Study Guide


Self-Study Guide

© Velsoft LearningWorks Training

COPYRIGHT All rights reserved world-wide under International and Pan-American copyright agreements. No part of this document can be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise.

© Velsoft LearningWorks Training

TABLE OF CONTENTS

How to Use This Guide ..................................................................................................................... 1

Session One: Course Overview ......................................................................................................... 2

Session Two: Developing Rapport ................................................................................................... 6

Defining Rapport ..................................................................................................................... 6 Matching and Mirroring.......................................................................................................... 7 Sensory Systems ..................................................................................................................... 8 Pacing and Leading ................................................................................................................. 9 Making Connections ............................................................................................................. 11

Session Three: Getting in Tune with Yourself ................................................................................ 12

Establishing an Inner Map .................................................................................................... 12 What Does Congruency Mean for Me? ................................................................................ 13 Achieving Congruency .......................................................................................................... 18

Session Four: Creating Comprehensive Outcomes ........................................................................ 19

The Elements of a Well-Formed Outcome ........................................................................... 19 Setting Some Personal Outcomes ........................................................................................ 20

Session Five: Creating a Desired State ........................................................................................... 21

Basic Anchoring Techniques ................................................................................................. 21 Collapsing Anchors ................................................................................................................ 22 Chaining Anchors .................................................................................................................. 23 Making Connections ............................................................................................................. 24

Session Six: Chunking Information ................................................................................................. 25

The 7±2 Rule and the Ladder of Abstraction ........................................................................ 25 Making Connections ............................................................................................................. 27

Personal Action Plan ...................................................................................................................... 28

Summary ........................................................................................................................................ 29

Recommended Reading List .......................................................................................................... 30

Post-Course Assessment ................................................................................................................ 31


Velsoft LearningWorks Training

1

How to Use This Guide

This Self Study Guide is designed and laid out in a way that will guide student learning much in the same way that an instructor would. This workbook is comprised of modules called Sessions. Each Session focuses on a major concept in the course. In each Session, we have included short-answer and (in some instances) multiple choice questions which relate directly to the session material. Throughout the guide, you can take the opportunity to internalise what you have learned by completing various self-reflection exercises.



2

Session One: Course Overview

Course Overview

Neuro linguistic programming (NLP for short) is all about bringing your unconscious thoughts to the surface, so that you can have real choice over how you interact with and respond to the world. Once you have a grasp on NLP's basic principles, you might be interested in learning about some tools that can help you do more with NLP. This workshop will give you some hands-on experience with important NLP techniques, including anchoring, establishing congruency, developing rapport, creating outcomes, interpreting and presenting information efficiently, and even some self-hypnosis techniques. To get the most out of this workshop, you should first complete An Introduction to Neuro Linguistic Programming.

Learning Objectives

After you complete this course, you will be able to: o Develop a deeper rapport with others o Use anchoring to create a desired state of mind o Become congruent with your inner self o Understand and apply basic self-hypnosis techniques o Create goals with momentum using NLP’s outcome framework o Present, interpret, and analyse information using the 7±2 rule and the chunking technique

Why did you take this course? Use this opportunity to consider your personal learning objectives and reasons for taking this course.



3

Pre-Assignment

Think of three to five things that you want to achieve within the next five years. Write them below.



4

Pre-Course Assessment

1. NLP means… a. Creating a way to teach our subconscious b. Determining what strategies work in a way that can be modeled, documented, and

reproduced c. Studying how we structure our experiences d. Thinking about thinking e. All of the above

2. The clean question framework looks like… a. And… [5 W or H]… b. Any question that can be answered yes or no c. A leading question d. A question that requires a specific piece of data

3. The phrase, “Her PowerPoint slides really caught my eye,” reflects what sensory system? a. Auditory b. Gustatory c. Visual d. Kinesthetic e. Olfactory

4. The __________________ representational system is the one that you are currently using to gather data.

5. Use the space below to draw the kinesthetic recall eye cue position.

6. A phrase like “On the other hand…” might mean someone is currently in a __________________ state.

7. True or False: NLP proposes that everyone has their own map of reality.

8. True or False: Proper use of NLP means that you will never make a mistake.



5

9. If you are addressing an audience, which sensory system should you use in your language? a. The system that the person right in front of you is using b. Your preferred system c. No system (use plain language) d. A combination of all of them

10. NLP talks about your unconscious as… a. Any area of the brain that we aren’t aware of at any given moment b. Your soul c. An area of the brain that is no longer used d. An area of the brain that is only used to store emergency information



6

Session Two: Developing Rapport

Developing a positive rapport with your team members and customers is an important part of applying NLP techniques. Your experiences communicating with others can be enhanced using rapport development strategies. In this session, you’ll review fundamental NLP concepts and principles. We’ll also look at several ways that you can leverage what you know in your communications.

Defining Rapport

Traditionally, rapport has been defined as a sense of mutual understanding, respect, and friendliness. It is the presence of a co-operative relationship based on trust and honesty. NLP takes rapport one step further by defining it as the unconscious relationship between two people. NLP can help you get in sync with another person so that you’re speaking the same conscious and unconscious language, making it easier to create a win-win outcome. Rapport means showing someone that you understand and respect them as a human being and that you support them. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with everything that they say, but in accordance with NLP principles, understand where they are coming from and why they believe in particular things. It is important to understand when it is appropriate to create rapport and how deep to go. Let’s say that you are a computer repair technician. You probably want to create a good rapport to help the customer solve their problem, but since your interaction will be short, you don’t need to get to an extremely personal level. Or, if you’re negotiating, you might need to break rapport to make a good decision.



7

Matching and Mirroring

Introduction

There are a few different ways to create and strengthen rapport. When you begin communication with someone, you should first use basic NLP techniques to analyse their thought processes and representational systems. Once you have established a basic connection and a mutual sense of trust, then you can work on developing and deepening rapport. Like other NLP techniques, you must use these methods in a discreet manner to avoid irritating or insulting the other person. Not every technique is appropriate in every situation. And remember, these are just guidelines, not hard and fast rules.

Matching and Mirroring

One of the easiest ways to develop rapport is to mirror or match the other person’s body language and non-verbal signals. We can’t stress how important it is to do this subtly so that the other person doesn’t feel like they’re talking to a parrot! Let’s look at some of the techniques that you can try. Body Language It is generally very easy to subtly match another person’s body language, such as their posture, breathing rate, and gestures. If they lean back, you might do the same (subtly, a few moments after they do so). Or, you might perform a reciprocal movement; that is, if you start tapping your pencil, I might subtly start tapping my foot in the same rhythm. You might even mirror them; if they tilt their head to the left you might tilt your head to the right. Of course, you should only mirror the aspects of their body language that feel natural to you. Voice Characteristics Never, ever attempt to do an imitation of a person’s voice or to match their accent. This is almost always insulting. You can, however, mimic some basic voice features, including:

o Volume of their voice o Speed (fast or slow) o Tone (high or low)



8

Sensory Systems

Another good way of developing rapport is to tune into the sensory system that the person is using and adapt your language and gestures accordingly. Here’s a quick guide.

Category Indicator Sensory System

Body Language Pointing at the eyes Visual

Tugging on earlobes Auditory

Sniffing Olfactory

Extending the tongue Gustatory

Gestures with limbs Kinesthetic

Voice Characteristics Speaking slowly Kinesthetic

Pausing frequently Kinesthetic

Even-paced voice Auditory

Speaking quickly Visual

Steady tone of voice Auditory

Deeper tone of voice Kinesthetic

Higher than normal tone of voice Visual

Breathing Rate Slow, shallow Visual

Normal Kinesthetic or Auditory



9

Pacing and Leading

Pacing

Pacing techniques can help you achieve a deeper level of rapport. Part of pacing is the matching and mirroring techniques that we just discussed. Another part is including true statements in your conversation to give more credibility to other statements. (Research shows that you must use at least three true statements in a row for this to work.) Hearing several true statements in a row also lowers their guard and makes them more open to agreeing with you. Imagine that you’re at a seminar listening to a sales pitch. Scenario One The speaker starts out with, “Thanks for coming! I’m going to tell you about my new product that you’ll love.” Does that grab your attention? Are you convinced that you’ll love this product? Scenario Two Now let’s try this with NLP. The speaker says:

o It’s a beautiful sunny morning! o It’s really early. o We’ve all come here for a reason.

Then, he might move into some more speculative statements:

o I know you’re all happy to be here. o I imagine that you’re interested in my new product. o I bet that you would like to do more in less time.

Now he might introduce the statements that are new to you:

o You are going to love this product. o You won’t want to wait to get your hands on this.

How do you feel now?



10

Leading

Once you have established rapport, you might be able to influence the other person’s behaviour without them realising it! Test this with a small gesture, like adjusting your posture or tugging your earlobe. If the person mirrors or matches your gesture in some way, you’re all set to continue leading! If not, you’ll need to deepen rapport some more. If the person that you are communicating with is now in a receptive state, you can use your body language to influence their state of mind. For example, if they seem to be in a dissociative state, you can try leaning forward and using more gestures (both associative behaviours). Remember that the key is to incorporate influencing behaviours subtly and naturally so that the other person isn’t offended or annoyed.



11

Making Connections

Background

Erin/Aaron Erin/Aaron manages a team of 12 support representatives. An opportunity to lead a new team has come up and she feels that Avery is the right person for the job. Avery is reluctant, however, feeling that she doesn’t have the right skills. Avery Avery has been a support representative for ten years. He is happy in his current role and enjoys dealing with customers. He recently heard about an opportunity to lead a new team. He thinks the opportunity is interesting but doesn’t feel confident that he would be a good choice.

Scenario

How would you use NLP tools to build rapport with Avery and convince him that he is right for the job?



12

Session Three: Getting in Tune with Yourself

Using personal reflection as an NLP tool is an important part of success. By becoming aware of your personal qualities and your unique characteristics, you will be better prepared to establish a positive rapport. In this session, we will describe various aspects of personal reflection and congruency.

Establishing an Inner Map

Being congruent or aligned means walking the walk and talking the talk. It means behaving in a way that is in harmony with our inner selves. The first step on that journey is understanding exactly who we are. There are many things that make us unique. Perhaps you are skilled at writing. Perhaps you are exceptionally compassionate. Perhaps you have a knack for taking apart machinery. These things are reflected in the different structures that we live in. Here is an overview of some of these systems:

Just remember that influence goes two ways, because although the world can influence who we are, we have an immense capability to influence and change the world around us.



13

What Does Congruency Mean for Me?

Part One: My Systems

Fill in the diagram below with the systems that you see in your life.



14

Part Two: About Me

Now, answer the follow questions. What is my life mission or purpose? (Another way to look at it is, what legacy do I want to leave behind?)

What is your identity? In what ways would you complete the sentence “I am…”?

What are your beliefs and values?



15

What are your skills and knowledge?

What do you do in your life?

What do you like about your life?



16

What do you dislike?

Other Thoughts



17

Part Three: My Aligned State

Now that we know who we are, we need to know what being in harmony means. Close your eyes and think of a time when you felt really good about yourself, or really positive about a decision that you made. Immerse yourself in the memory. After a few minutes, write down all the characteristics of this memory. Some ideas to help you get started:

o What emotions did you feel? o What thoughts did you have? o What sounds, scents, or tastes do you associate with this memory? o What images jump out at you? o What qualities do you embody in this memory? o What values and beliefs do you uphold? o What skills or knowledge do you use? o Who else was there? o What environment were you in? o How did you behave? o When did this memory take place?

Use the space below to write down your memory.



18

Achieving Congruency

You cannot be congruent and aligned with your inner self all the time. However, after these exercises you should have a good picture of what inner alignment feels like. This means that it should also be easier to recognise when you’re out of alignment with yourself and how to become re-aligned. There may be times when you are forced into a state of misalignment. For example, you may be required to let go of an employee for reasons that you disagree with, but if you don’t fire them you’ll be out of a job. Despite your reservations, you’ll need to portray a unified front to the employee during the tough conversation. However, you will at least understand why you feel the way you feel. As well, you will know that you need to get back in touch with yourself. Let’s look at a technique for re-establishing inner congruency.

Deep Breathing

Focusing on your breathing is a good way to get back in tune with your unconscious. Here are the steps. 1. Place your fingers lightly on your diaphragm, just beneath your rib cage above your waistband.

Feel the movement as you breathe. 2. Inhale slowly through your nose or mouth, directing the air to your diaphragm. You will feel the

diaphragm move forward; your shoulders and upper chest should not move at all. 3. Hold the inhaled air for three seconds. 4. Exhale slowly, counting to twenty by saying “one one thousand, two one thousand, three one

thousand…” until you reach “twenty one thousand.” 5. Stop when your exhale becomes a strain. 6. If this is the first time you’ve tried this exercise, you probably won’t reach twenty in one breath.

Repeat the exercise three times a day until you can reach twenty comfortably. Take a few moments to practice this technique.



19

Session Four: Creating Comprehensive Outcomes

Creating a plan for achieving comprehensive and positive outcomes includes setting up a plan for action. You need to be aware of the activities you need to start now in order to be successful in the future. In this session, you will learn a process for well-formed outcomes and achieving the things that you want.

The Elements of a Well-Formed Outcome

A lot of traditional management literature focuses on goal setting. NLP frames goals a little differently, phrasing them as outcomes. This changes our focus from working towards something to imagining that we already have something, and maintaining that state. Keep the following criteria in mind when creating an outcome to make it PAINLESS!

o Positive: Frame outcomes about things that you want, not what you don’t want. o Assessable: You need to be able to measure your progress and evaluate how far you have

come. o Individual: The outcome needs to be something that you can achieve with your resources

and that is within your control. o Now-orientated: Is this something that you can do now? Or should this outcome be saved

for another time in your life? o Linked to your purpose and systems: This outcome should be a win-win for all of the

systems in your life. In other words, it should be congruent with your inner self! o Enriched: Use sensory language to enrich the wording of your outcome and help you find

ways to move towards it. o Satisfying: Will you feel good about working towards this outcome? If not, you won’t be very

motivated! o Specific plan: Design your first action step (or your first few if possible) and have an image of

what success looks like.

Example

I will become a manager within two years, either with my company or externally if I must. I will start working towards this by signing up for the Introduction to Management programme offered in my company. I will complete this programme within six months.



20

Setting Some Personal Outcomes

Use the space below to set some personal goals for yourself based on the items you identified in your pre-assignment. Make sure that each outcome includes the elements from the PAINLESS acronym. Outcome One

Outcome Two

Outcome Three



21

Session Five: Creating a Desired State

Creating a desired state of mind at your own may seem beyond what’s realistic, but we have compiled information to teach you this fascinating skill. Working on creating a desired state is one of the tenets of NLP. In this session, you’ll learn a technique for anchoring as an important component of your NLP skill development.

Basic Anchoring Techniques

One of the basic tenets of NLP is that in order to manage your life, you must be able to understand and manage your thought processes, thereby managing the outcome of any situation. Anchoring takes this one step further by helping you summon up a state of mind at will. To start, think of the five sensory systems of NLP: visual, auditory, kinesthetic (feelings), olfactory (smell), and gustatory (taste). Now, think of how a single image, smell, or taste might bring up a related memory or feeling. This is similar to how anchors work: by associating a sensory stimulus to a state of mind or feeling, you can generate that state whenever you want. It works just a ship’s anchor does, to hold us in one state for as long as we need it. The process for creating an anchor might seem complicated and difficult at first. But it’s like any other activity that we learn: practice the steps one by one, slowly, and eventually they will become automatic. You will likely have to go through the process several times for each anchor.

Steps for Creating a Basic Anchor

1. First, find a quiet area where you can sit comfortably and be free from distractions. 2. Next, decide on the stimulus for your anchor. We usually recommend a simple physical

movement, like pinching two specific fingers together or touching the back of your ear. 3. Now, decide what feeling or state you want to anchor. Think of a time when this feeling or state

was very strong. Use as many of your senses as possible. 4. Once you are fully immersed, perform the stimulus only as long as the sensation is very strong. 5. Once you no longer feel the stimulus strongly, shake yourself to get out of the anchored state.

(This is called breaking state.) 6. Repeat steps three through five several times. 7. Now, think of something else and then perform the physical stimulus. If you recall the state

and the experience, you’ve been successful. If your recall isn’t as strong as you would like, repeat steps three through five a few more times.

8. Next, think of a real life scenario where you might want to use this anchor. Imagine yourself in the scenario and use the anchor. Can you see yourself being successful? If not, repeat steps three through five a few more times.



22

Collapsing Anchors

Once you have mastered the basic anchor technique, there are a few other ways that you can use anchors. One technique is collapsing anchors to merge two states of mind. For example, you might want to take a confused state and turn it into a more orderly mindset, but still keep the curiosity that you feel when in that initial state.

How to Merge Two States

1. First, find a quiet area where you can sit comfortably and be free from distractions. 2. Next, choose your stimulus. We recommend using the knuckles on a specific hand although you

can use different points on your arm or leg. 3. Decide on the state that you want to change. Re-experience this state. Anchor it by touching

the first knuckle on the chosen hand. 4. Now break state by shaking yourself or thinking of something different (like your grocery list). 5. Decide on the state that you want to have. Re-experience this state. Anchor it by touching the

second knuckle on the chosen hand. 6. Test the anchors by repeating steps three through five, being sure to break state between the

end and beginning of each test. 7. Now touch both knuckles at the same time. You should feel confused and then more integrated

as the two states meet. If the process doesn’t work, try touching your second knuckle a second or two before touching the first one. Or, you may have to repeat steps three through five again.

9. Next, think of a real life scenario where you might want to use this technique. Imagine yourself in the scenario and collapse your anchors. Can you see yourself being successful? If not, repeat steps three through five a few more times.



23

Chaining Anchors

Another anchoring technique allows you to move between two states that are very far apart – say, panic and solitude.

How to Chain Anchors

1. First, find a quiet area where you can sit comfortably and be free from distractions. 2. Next, decide on the stimulus for your anchor. We recommend a series of points on your arm or

leg. 3. Now, decide what feeling or state you want to anchor (for example, panic). Think of a time

when this feeling or state was very strong. Use as many of your senses as possible. 4. Once you are fully immersed, perform the stimulus only as long as the sensation is very strong. 5. Break state. 6. Identify the next state (for example, mild anxiety). Immerse yourself in it and anchor it using the

next spot on your chosen limb. 7. Break state. 8. Repeat steps three through seven until you have reached the desired state. 9. Test all anchors. Remember to break state between each one. 10. Perform the first anchor action. Once you are fully immersed, perform the second one. Once

you are fully immersed in that state, let go of the first anchor and perform the third. Continue until you reach your destination.

11. Let go of your stimulus and experience the desired state. 12. Repeat steps 11 and 12 until you have this technique mastered. 13. Break state. 14. Perform the first anchor action. If you recall the state and the experience, you’ve been

successful. If your recall isn’t as strong as you would like, repeat steps 11 and 12 a few more times.

15. Next, think of a real life scenario where you might want to use this anchor. Imagine yourself in the scenario and use the anchor. Can you see yourself being successful? If not, repeat steps 11 and 12 a few more times.



24

Making Connections

Think of some scenarios where you might want to collapse anchors. Write them below.

Think of some scenarios where you might want to chain anchors. Write them below.

Identify the desired state for some common scenarios (such as giving a presentation). Write them below.



25

Session Six: Chunking Information

As you begin to implement NLP techniques, you will realise that you are becoming successful in developing trusting relationships with others around you. Practice will help you to develop ease with what you are learning. In this session, we investigate a method of chunking information, a useful strategy as you continue to learn.

The 7±2 Rule and the Ladder of Abstraction

One of the key problems in communication is that everyone has a different interpretation of reality. As well, we often expect people to know exactly what we mean – even when we ourselves don’t know! NLP offers some tools to help us understand exactly what information we’re communicating so that we can send the right content to others. The most basic principle is the 7±2 rule which comes from a study done by psychologist George Miller. Miller found that we can hold five to nine chunks of information (in other words, seven plus or minus two) in our short term memory. Now, what constitutes a chunk or piece of information? Well, there is no real answer. It depends on the information and how familiar you are with the topic. What is important to remember is that the more you can relate pieces of information to each other, the more people will remember.



26

It’s also important to know what type of chunk you should present. Imagine one chunk as a ladder, with very general (or abstract) information at the top and very specific information at the bottom:

This is also known as the ladder of abstraction. Depending on the situation, you might want to chunk down information (get more specific) or chunk up information (create a broader overview).



27

Making Connections

Choose a common object. Use the space below to draw out the ladder of abstraction for it, creating 7±2 points.



28

Personal Action Plan

Now that you have completed this course on NLP Tools for Real Life, how will you use the things you have learned? Creating a personal action plan can help you to stay on track and on target. When you take responsibility for yourself and your results, you get things done! In this session, you will be asked questions to help you plan your short-term and long-term goals. This final exercise is a way for you to synthesise the learning that you have done and to put it into practice. I am already doing these things well:

I want to improve these areas:

I have these resources to help me:



29

As a result of what I have learned in this course, I am going to…

My target date is… I will know I have succeeded when…

I will follow up with myself on…

Summary

Congratulations! You have completed the course “NLP Tools for Real Life.” We began this course by reviewing the basics of NLP, including rapport, matching and mirroring, pacing and leading, and sensory systems. Then, we began exploring some more advanced topics. We started with establishing an inner map and understanding personal congruency. We also looked at how to become aligned with your inner self. Then, we learned about the PAINLESS acronym, which can help us create well-formed outcomes (similar to goals). Next, we dove into the complex topic of creating a desired state. We started with basic anchoring techniques and then moved into collapsing and chaining anchors. We wrapped up the course with a look at the 7±2 rule and the ladder of abstraction. You should now feel confident in using advanced neuro linguistic programming techniques in your day-to-day life.



30

Recommended Reading List

If you are looking for further information on this topic, we have included a recommended reading list below. Bandler, Richard, and John Grinder. Frogs into Princes. Real People Press, 1989. —. Trance-Formations: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Structure of Hypnosis. Real People, 1981. Bradbury, Andrew. Develop Your NLP Skills. The Sunday Times, 2010. Carnegie, Dale. How to Win Friends and Influence People. Pocket Books, 1998 (Reprint). Cialdini, Robert. Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. Collins, 2006. Connor, Joseph. An Introduction to NLP: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People.

Harper Collins, 2010. Knight, Sue. NLP at Work. Nicholas Brealey, 2009. Schwartz, Marina, and Shlomo Vaknin. The Big Book of NLP (Expanded): 350+ Techniques, Patterns &

Strategies of Neuro Linguistic Programming. Inner Patch Publishing, 2010.



31

Post-Course Assessment

1. How many chunks of information can our short term memory hold? a. Between one and four b. Between five and nine c. Around 12 d. Unlimited

2. NLP defines rapport as… a. Your relationship with your unconscious b. The environment around you c. The unconscious relationship between two people d. Your system of senses

3. The term “pacing” refers to what type of techniques? a. Matching b. Mirroring c. Building credibility with language d. All of the above

4. True or False: Once you achieve a state of congruency, you will be in that state all of the time.

5. True or False: The interaction between ourselves and our systems goes both ways.

6. Subtly imitating another person’s behaviour exactly is called .

7. If someone is breathing shallowly, they are likely in mode.

8. NLP phrases goals as… a. Achievements b. Outcomes c. Hurdles d. Feats

9. What NLP technique associates a sensory stimulus to a state of mind or feeling? a. Anchoring b. Rapport c. Mirroring d. Chunking

10. The NLP acronym for goal-setting is .

nlp tools for real life - amazon web...

Documents