Welcome

***November Meeting***

When: Tuesday, November 12, 2013 6:30 PM – Doors Open If this Is your first meeting, please arrive by 6:30 7:00 PM—Meeting Begins Where: Kingsland Baptist Church 20555 Kingsland Blvd, Katy, TX 77450 John Burns Building, East side of church Program: Holiday Resource Brochures plus topical discussion of the upcoming Holiday Season

Directions:

From East of Fry Road (coming from Houston): Go west on I-10 to Fry Road. Turn left (south) on Fry Road. Turn right (west) on Kings-land Blvd and travel 0.5 miles to Kingsland Baptist Church. From West of Mason Road (coming from San Antonio): Go east on I-10 to Westgreen Blvd. Turn right (south) on Westgreen Blvd and travel 0.6 miles to Kingsland Blvd. Turn left (east) on Kingsland Blvd and travel 0.5 miles to Kingsland Baptist Church.

(Across from Nottingham Country Elementary School)

Chapter Leaders Melinda and Glen Ginter (281) 492-1262 Newsletter Editor Annette Mennen Baldwin (281) 578-9118 Treasurer Lisa Leanard

When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daugh-ter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family.

We need not walk alone.

We are The Compassionate Friends. We reach out to each other with love, with understanding, and with hope. The children we mourn have died at all ages and from many different causes, but our love for them unites us. Your pain be-comes my pain, just as your hope becomes my hope. We come together from all walks of life, from many different circum-stances. We are a unique family because we represent many races, creeds, and relationships. We are young, and we are old. Some of us are far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful that they feel help-less and see no hope. Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength, while some of us are struggling to find answers. Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in deep depression, while others radiate an inner peace. But whatever pain we bring to this gathering of The Compassionate Friends, it is pain we will share, just as we share with each other our love for the children who have died. We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we are commit-ted to building a future together. We reach out to each other in love to share the pain as well as the joy, share the anger as well as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubts, and help each other to grieve as well as to grow. We Need Not Walk Alone. We Are The Compassionate Friends. ~TCF Credo

Newsletter of the Katy, TX, Chapter

We extend a warm welcome to all who attended their first meeting in October.

The death of your child is probably the most traumatic, life-changing event that you will ever experience. The Compas-sionate Friends is an organization of parents who have also lost a child to death. Each of us has experienced the deep, searing pain that you are feeling now. Each of us has turned to other parents who were farther into their grief journey for guidance, support and understanding. This is done through our monthly meetings, our newsletter, our website, our phone-a-friend pro-gram, our library, our e-mail program and our referral program. Each month parents find our meeting to be a safe place where they can talk about their pain and problems with others who are uniquely qualified to understand; bereaved parents offer gentle suggestions or often simply listen. We invite you to bring a friend to your first few meetings until you feel a level of comfort with the group. Do not be surprised if we talk about the happy times with our children, the wonderful memories and the various methods we have created to keep our children close to us. It is here that many bereaved parents find hope as those who are more seasoned in their grief shine the light of experience to help illuminate each grief path. We have no dues. We are self-sustaining through donations and the generosity of so many in our community. You Need Not Walk Alone.

November 2013

Martha Alvarado whose son, Elijah Manuel Alvarado, died in March 2009 Emery Bush whose daughter, Gabriela Amador, died in April 2013 Betty Ann Davis whose son, John Edward Nemeth, died in July 2013 Lynn Gilmore whose son, Sean Patrick McEneaney, died in August 2007 Fernie Landauer whose son, Scott Edward Landauer, died in September 2013 Rosalind (Roz) Turner whose son Nicholas Roland Kaschik, died in August 2011 Shelley Wenzel whose son, Alexandre Joseph Wenzel, died in September 2013

Page 2 November 2013

Katy TCF Volunteers Welcome Cards to new members—Brenda Schmitt Cards for remembrances—Robin Larsen Newsletter—Annette Mennen Baldwin amennenbaldwin@hotmail.com E-mail to group-Annette Mennen Baldwin— tcfkaty.messages@gmail.com Publicity & E-Mail correspondence—Annette Mennen Baldwin Picture Buttons—Annette Mennen Baldwin Holiday & Craft Projects—Joyce Bode Welcome Packages —Sherrie Schurman Library— Jan Bigbee-Weesner Web Site— Lee Schurman Treasurer 2013—Lisa Leanard—lisaleanard@sbcglobal.net Snacks—Susan Archer – ainasusan@yahoo.com Memorial Bench Maintenance—Delia Granado Group Facilitators - Rhonda Vonas, Albert Tapia, Robin Conner, Lisa Leanard, Annette Mennen Baldwin, Jan Bigbee-Weesner, Melinda Ginter Chapter Leaders—Melinda & Glen Ginter

Join Our Chapter E-Mail List

Join our chapter e-mail list to re-ceive timely notices, writings, articles, special information and more. This is an important communication tool throughout the month for our mem-bers. To join, send an email to: tcfkaty.messages@gmail.com

National TCF Contact

Information TCF National Office P.O. Box 3696 Oak Brook, IL 60522 Toll Free: (877) 969-0010 www.compassionatefriends.org Annette Mennen Baldwin Regional Coordinator Southern Texas

Our Children Remembered Birthdays November 3 Jesus Manuel Flores, son of Bob & Adriana Hatcher November 6 Jo Anna Kaitlyn Hanley, daughter of Ann Marie Hanley November 7 John Michael Lee, son of Sandi Gray November 10 Johnny O Aguilar, Jr., son of Johnny Aguilar, Sr November 12 Gabriela Amador, daughter of Emery Bush November 13 George Nathaniel (JoJo) Edwards, son of George & Tonye Edwards November 13 Brandon Michael Noland, son of Neshia Noland November 14 Mark Vincent Korenek, son of James & Nancy Korenek November 15 Rein Gregory Henderson, son of Rick & Kim Bozeman November 17 Robert “Hunter” Colvin, son of Susan & Drew Colvin November 16 Christopher Andrew Ramirez, son of Patricia Chavez November 18 Clint Thomas Rice, son of Judy Rice November 19 James “Ross” King, son of Tanya & Mike Janik November 27 Philip “Evan” Bigbee, son of Jan & Terry Weesner

Anniversaries November 2010 3 Years Sonya Ann Cunningham, daughter of Jean McKinney November 2011 2 Years Tyler Ray Richard, son of Veronica Malhiot November 2012 1 Year Latashia Ann Scott, daughter of Yvette Scott November 1988 25 Years Brian Wood, son of Michael & Jo Wood November 2006 7 Years Edward (Eddy) Wesley Johnson, son of Trish Johnson November 2012 1 Year Sebastian Michael DeRousse, son of Carla DeRousse November 2003 10 Years Hannah Henson, daughter of Karen Henson November 2012 1 Year Laura Joanna Lopez, daughter of Fred & Lily Gaylan November 1999 14 Years Chris Heard, son of Les & Andrea Heard November 2009 4 Years Justin Richard Clinton, son of Robin Clinton November 2007 6 Years Megan Marie Small, daughter of Patti & Kevin Small November 1998 15 Years John Robert Ginter II, son Glen & Melinda Ginter November 2005 8 Years Jeffrey Matthew Cruse, son of Sam & Patsy Cruse November 2000 13 Years Troy David Murphy, son of Kimarie Linehan

During your child’s birth month, you are invited to bring a special photograph or Keepsake of your Loved one to share with the group. If you are

unable to attend the meeting during your loved one’s birth month, please feel free to choose another month to share with us.

November 2013 Page 3

T

Printed in Loving Memory Of Todd M. Mennen ! 1967-2002

!!

Birthday Table

If your child’s birthday is in No-vember or December, please bring a picture or me-mento to our No-vember meeting to share with the group. In May and December we ask that you bring your child’s picture for the birthday table in the month before or after the actual event. We hold our balloon release in May and our Annual Candle Lighting Ceremony in December.

Loving Listeners…..Phone-A-Friend TCF Katy has established a phone-a-friend list for parents who want to talk with someone who shares a similar loss. If you would like to volun-teer to be a phone-a-friend, please contact Annette Baldwin. Loss of an Adult Child…..Annette (281) 578-9118 Only Child…...Annette (281) 578-9118 Murdered Child….. Robin (281) 851-5425 Neonatal Loss…….HAND 832 615 2006 Death of Teenage Child……Joyce (281) 858-4551 or Brenda (281)804-7087 Accidental Death……..Annette (281) 578-9118 Death from long term illness…...Karen (832) 746-0279 Support for Fathers……..Albert (832) 885-4741 Special Needs Child……. Volunteer needed Suicide ...………..Rhonda (832) 282-7773

Special Small Group Meetings For Parents Whose Child

Was Lost to Suicide The Katy Chapter of TCF has a

unique program for parents whose children died from suicide. All par-ents attend the opening of our meeting each month and then adjourn to their own private meet-ing for the re-mainder of the meeting. Death from suicide usually requires additional and unique group dynamics. This program is offered only to parents who have lost children to sui-cide.

Compassionate Friends Webinars

As bereaved parents, we know that there are times when there are no words to describe the depths of our pain and devastation. Especially during the holi-day season, on birthdays and anniversaries and other special occasions, we seek answers, solace and peace. Check the Compassionate Friends website for on-going and new mate-rial at www.compassionatefriends.org, click on news and events, then search for Webinars. Upcoming we-binar events will be listed; some dates will be listed. When you see a webi-nar in which you would like to ac-tively participate, just click and regis-ter. There is also an archive of webi-nars for listening anytime.

November Meeting: Preparing Ourselves For The Upcoming Holidays

The Holidays—just the mention of these words can bring anxiety and deep sadness to bereaved parents. But it does not have to be that way. Over the years each of us learns ways to cope with the holidays and to lower the impact that holiday anxi-ety has on us. We invite you to join us in November for our annual group discussion about the holidays, han-dling the stress, the emotions and the demands and find-ing a little bit of peace for ourselves in the midst of all that is happening. Many of our seasoned grievers will be at this meeting to shed light on the numerous methods we can use to get through the holidays.

This is our last regular meeting of 2013. In December we will be holding our Candle Light-ing Ceremony in conjunction with other chapters of Compassionate Friends in the US and across the world. We encourage you to attend the No-vember meeting and hear what others have dis-covered about dealing with the holidays on their

grief journeys. We also encourage you to plan to attend our Candle Lighting Ceremony which will be held on the Second Sunday of Decem-ber, December 8, 2013.

Plan Now To Attend Candle Lighting Ceremony

Make plans now to attend the World-wide Candle Lighting ceremony which our Katy Compassionate Friends Chapter will be holding to honor all of our children. Each year on the second Sunday of De-cember candles are lit at 7:00 pm in each time zone to honor our children who have died. At precisely 7:00 PM on December 8, we will be joining in the this World Wide ceremony. The Compassionate Friends website (compassionatefriends.org) also has a parallel cyber space candle light-ing. You are invited to write a note about your child, your feelings and the meaning of this special ceremony on this website on December 8, 2013. Last year thousands of parents from across the world participated in this opportunity. Please mark your calendar for Sunday evening, 7:00 pm, December 8, 2013. Following this lovely ceremony, we will be sharing a potluck meal brought by each of our members. We hope to see you there.

Bring A Picture to Our November Meeting

If you haven’t already sent a picture via email to Robin Conner, please bring a picture of your child to our November meeting. Robin will scan the picture and include it in the screen presentation of all our children at the Candle Light-

November 2013 Page 4

SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS

We all know how difficult it is during the holiday season when your child is not here. It seems like all the wind has been sucked out of our sails. Thanksgiving is still my favorite holiday and I have great memories of family times when my children were still here. Chris' fa-vorite holiday was Thanksgiving. I remember those past years when all those great smells permeated through the house. I always cook my turkey on low and let it bake all night long. My Mom always cooked her turkey like that and the house smelled so great. My children would love to wake up to the smell of turkey and of course they would want to start eating it right away. I remember everyone eating so much they thought they would explode! Then all there was left was to sit on the couch and watch football, wait for your food to digest and then eat apple and pumpkin pie. Chris' favorite was apple pie, and he would help me peel the apples and cut them up. Those are great memories and that is one way to get through the holiday season. I haven't had the opportunity for many years to spend a Thanksgiv-ing with my family and I really miss that. This year I will be going home to spend Thanksgiving and I am so looking for-ward to it. I will be with my Mom and siblings, as well as numerous nieces and nephews. The best part is that my son Fred and his wife Becky will be driving from Maine and will be able to spend a few days. When the children were small we would always load them up in the car and drive the 3 hours it took to go back home and spend Thanksgiving with my family. The memories we cherish can never be taken away from us. This is how to survive. Think back on all the great times you had with your family and all those memories you were making. I will be making memories this year at home. I will be taking lots of pictures this year and maybe even put a picture book together. It is these memories that get us through some very rough times. I know there will be tears, but there will also be a lot of smiles and reminiscing going on. We will talk about Chris and Dawn and how much we miss them, how funny and loving they were, and how much we wish they were still with us. Logically we all know they are not coming back, but in our hearts we want them back because our lives are empty without their presence. Some day we will all be reunited and it will be like they never left at all. Hold on to those cherished memories and think of happier times when the sadness takes over. Our children surely want us to be happy. They don't want us to be in pain and sad all the time. We have other family members who are still here and they still need us. Lean on God and put your faith and trust in Him when you feel down and depressed. Here is hoping you will all feel His love and presence during the upcoming holiday season. Make some new memo-ries and cherish the family you have now.

In Loving Memory of my Children Christopher Wilson and Dawn Shafer-Wilson

Robin Conner, Katy TCF, TX. TCF, Katy, TX

Speaking Love Thoughtful mornings in November, winter gray and chill at twilight. Soon there will be colored candles. Soon there will be celebration. Do not force your heart from sorrow at this time of happy splendor: This is also time for speaking Love to dead and silent children

Sascha Wagner The Poems of Sascha Wagner

!!!!"#$%&'()*+$,"-"*,"#$%&'()*+$,"-"*,"#$%&'()*+$,"-"*,"#$%&'()*+$,"-"*,&&&&

The thought of being thankful fills my heart with dread.

They’ll all be feigning gladness, not a word about her said.

These heavy shrouds of blackness

enveloping my soul, pervasive, throat-catching, writhe in me, and coil.

I must, I must acknowledge,

just express her name, so all sitting at the table,

know I’m thankful that she came.

Though she’s gone from us forever and we mourn to see her face, not one minute of her living,

would her death ever replace.

So I stop the cheerful gathering, though my voice quivers, quakes, make a toast to all her living. That small tribute’s all it takes.

Genesse Bourdeau Gentry

from Stars in the Deepest – After the Death of a Child

Thanksgiving And now I consider the 11th Thanksgiv-ing without my son at the table. Yes, after all these years my child remains in the fore-front of my holidays….especially Thanksgiv-ing. But this is as it should be, and as a mother whose only child was lost to death, I have ac-cepted my reality, I move forward and I keep hope and bal-ance in my life. Still I miss my son at Thanksgiving and throughout the holiday season. We now share funny and interesting stories about Todd and his life at the Thanksgiving table. He is part of our conversation because he remains an important part of our lives. I imagine his happy smiles, his unique, contagious laughter, and his sweet hugs. I miss our conversations, our quiet times where nothing was said and nothing needed to be said. And so it is for all of us. We move for-ward into hope and keep our children for-ever in our hearts. That will never change.

Annette Mennen Baldwin In memory of my son, Todd Mennen

TCF, Katy TX

Remember Our Phone A Friend List If the holidays overwhelm you, and you feel you need to talk with someone, please check our Phone-A-Friend list on page two of this newsletter. You will find a member of our support team who will talk with you and help you discover things you can do to help you and your family during the holidays.

“There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion that if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble

Drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret, Spilled on the ground like water, can never be gathered together.”

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

November 2013 Page 5

Bo’s Place Now Open In Katy

The Katy Bo’s Place program currently meets on the 2nd and 4th Tuesday of each month near Highland Knolls and S. Fry. The group consists of families with children between the ages of 5 and 18 who have ex-perience the death of a child or parent. However, the Katy program is currently full. We have space available at the Houston lo-cation for immediate needs. We are building a waiting list of families interested in the Katy group and are looking into finding a larger space so that we can accommodate more families. If you know of a family who is interested in joining the group, here is more informa-tion about the process. The first step for families to join is to call our main number (713-942-8339) and talk to a member of our program staff for a phone interview. This phone interview usually takes 20 to 30 min-utes. After the phone interview families are sent an application and schedule an appoint-ment to attend a New Family Orientation. After attending a New Family Orientation and turning in an application they are placed in a group.

TCF Is A Treasured Memory

Robin has been gone seven years and the pain still dwells in our hearts despite all our efforts. It is difficult to attend weddings and other such gatherings because we know that we will never participate in anything of this nature. The only comfort that we can take from his departure from this earth is that he does not have to suffer any more from the dreadful affliction of Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and the crippling agony that accompanied it. By discovering The Compassionate Friends at the height of our grief and experiencing a truly great relationship with people who really understood what we were going through, we realized that we were not the only family who had lost a child as we had thought. Since we have no one else to talk to about Robin and the fond memories his name conjures up in our minds, we find TCF to be a comforting organization from which we can draw strength. Even though my husband does not attend TCF meetings any more because he grieves differently than I do, he allows me to help others who are not as far along in their grief journey and share what I have learned along the way. I always remember that Robin was always such an encouragement to us with his great sense of humor, intelligence and joie de vivre. Our son never complained about the fact that he was wheel chair bound and had to watch others walking and running around. I think of him often when I sit in the family room and look over to the place where we used to park his bulky chair, in between the sofa and his father’s recliner so that he could watch basketball. These thoughts bring tears to my eyes on some days more than others, especially around the fall and the holi-days. I feel his presence particularly around this time of year because he loved it so and reveled in the change of the seasons. When we first moved here from Naperville, Illinois, Robin did not enjoy Katy that much but he came to love it eventually. We were thrilled that Katy Independent School District made the transition so easy for him and worked so diligently to provide him with all the assistance he needed. The six years he spent at Memorial Parkway Junior and Taylor High School were years of great success for Robin, and he is remembered by many fellow classmates and teachers alike. But it is the lasting im-pressions that Robin left on others, young or old, that leave us choked up inside. Robin also left a legacy at Christus St. Catherine’s Hospital where he passed away and all the nurses in the ICU admired his cour-age in the face of terrible odds.

Neela Sen

In memory of my son, Robin Kumar Sen TCF, Katy, TX

Grief to Greatness Website Several of our members read this website daily. The message is transition to hope after the death of a loved one: http://grieftogreatness.com/index.html

In Memory of our Beloved Children Memorials Given by: In Loving Memory of:

Glen and Melinda Ginter John Robert Ginter Robin Conner Christopher & Dawn Wilson Lee & Sherrie Schurman Sandra Schurman Susan & Bill Archer Matthew Moore Rhonda & Frank Salveski Matthew Joseph Salcevski Thank you for your donation to The Compassionate Friends, Katy, TX Chapter

Our chapter is operated entirely by volunteers dedicated to furthering the work of TCF. Your voluntary, tax deductible donations honor your loved one in a meaningful way by enabling us to print and mail this Newsletter and meet other expenses involved in reaching out to other grieving families. Donations along with the name of the person being honored may be sent to: Lisa Leanard 13814 Wheatbridge Drive Houston, TX 77041

Resources Available to Our Members

Resources of all types are available to our members. We include these in the monthly newsletter and strongly recommend that, in addition to Compassionate Friends, newly bereaved parents avail themselves of one or more of the many retreats, programs, etc., that are available in the Houston area. If you know of a special resource, please let Annette Baldwin know about it so that it can be included in our monthly news-letter. This information could be very valuable to one or more of our mem-bers.!

Grief Share Available In Katy/Houston Area

The Grief Share Program, a 13 week Bible based grief presentation, is offered in many churches throughout the Houston and Katy area. There are thousands of GriefShare grief recovery support groups meeting throughout the US, Canada and in over 10 other coun-tries. To find a Grief Share program near you, simply go to griefshare.org and type your zip code in the space provided on the home page. Grief Share programs are starting in January 2014.

“The anniversary date of a loved one's death is particularly significant. You will have done something you thought was impossible a few months earlier. You will have survived an entire year without someone who was as important to you as life itself.” ~Bob Diets

“What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” ~Helen Keller

The Compassionate Friends Katy Chapter P.O. Box 45 Barker TX 77413 Return Service Requested

Meeting: Tuesday, November 12, 2013 Topic: Handling the Holidays If this is your first meeting, please arrive by 6:30 PM

November 2013 Page 6

Choosing Hope Robert Frost once wrote, “You have freedom when you’re easy in your har-ness.” I believe I read that in junior high school. It had no real meaning to me at that time. But many years and many tears later, I have come to realize what Frost was referencing. Soon I will be marking the eleventh anniversary of the death of my only child, Todd Mennen. Eleven years seems, per-haps to some, a major milestone. But it’s not really. There are no “milestones” on this journey of grief after the death of our children. But we do change. We have no choice. We weep, we evolve, we change, we grow, we learn, we share, we ask for help, we give help, we reach out and fi-nally we become someone different than we once were. That is the reality of this grief. Becoming easy in my harness was no small task, nor did it happen in magical stages with epiphanies proclaiming, “here is a milestone, a moment you can remem-ber for the wisdom you found.” Wisdom doesn’t arrive with fanfare; wisdom ebbs slowly into one’s mind, form-ing an ever-changing perspective until, at last, we have come to accept our “harness.” Our harness is the death of our child. Once we accept this fact, we move forward into the light of hope and we begin to feel hope and a different type of freedom. Am I “easy in my harness?” Finally, I can say that I probably am most of the time. There are days when I find it chok-ingly restrictive and cruel in its pain. But these days are fewer as time passes. I have found a new kind of “freedom in my harness.” It isn’t the joyful freedom from the days before my child died, but it is a freedom nonetheless. My freedom is the light of hope that shines from deep within my soul as I now hold my child in my mind and heart. My child is with me in my harness as I continue on the balance of my life’s journey. For this mother, hope is knowing that death does not restrict me from my child’s life. Death changes only the plane of our relationship, for I am his mother and he is my son. We will love our children for all eternity. That is the freedom in our harness that comes with consciously choosing hope.

Annette Mennen Baldwin In memory of my son, Todd Mennen

TCF, Katy, TX

Thanksgiving Marks Beginning Of Holiday Madness and Sadness

In our society we have turned the holidays into a never ending

round of parties, shopping, cooking, preparations for guests or travel and stress, lots and lots of stress. It begins in October with the not so subtle reminders from our friendly retail stores. Most of us dread this time of year because as members of Compassionate Friends, we have one more item on our list and it invariably is at the top…...my child is gone…...how can I handle the holidays?

This will be my eleventh Thanksgiving without my son. We had 36 wonderful Thanksgiving celebrations together, and now it’s just me. My only child is gone, my grandchildren now live solely in their mother’s world. I am not a part of that world.

But I am learning to cope with this reality. I am learning that I can hold on to the traditions that don’t cause me sadness and let go of those that do. As bereaved parents we fall into a unique category. As hu-mans we accept that the loss of parents, spouses, aunts, uncles, siblings, friends and acquaintances is inevitable. But never, never, were we taught or conditioned to the idea that our children would or could precede us in death. The very notion of this shook us to our core.

Now we have lost our child to death. Nobody prepared us for this mind numbing loss. The rules have been broken. We have no coping skills. Our friends usually can’t help. Our families try, but until one en-dures a loss of this magnitude, the ability to fully comprehend the never ending rounds of sadness is simply not there.

We do have a support system…..we can choose to participate or simply be there, in the moment, at our Compassionate Friends meetings. Here we find our most meaningful and helpful connection with other par-ents…..parents who are walking the road we now walk. These bereaved parents are here to help us on this unfamiliar road. They cannot answer every question because the answers don’t exist to most questions. When will this pain end? When will life go back to “normal”? There are different types of pain and new kinds of normal. We gather each month to help each other, to lean on each other, to find hope in each other’s ability to function. From this meeting of kindred souls we do derive some solace, some peace and some hope.

I have watched the newly bereaved, raw in their sadness when they first attend a meeting. As the months move forward, I begin to see a change in these parents. Each changes in a different way, for each experi-ences their loss and their grief process in a different way. Some changes aren’t apparent for months, even a year or two. Learning that we are not alone in the grievous burden of our loss is comforting. Learning that oth-ers have developed ways to cope with the holidays, the birthdays, the death anniversaries and other special occasions gives us the hope that we, too, will one day feel comfortable in our new “normal.”

I have chosen to accept this group of gentle, kind and compas-sionate friends as an integral part of my life. The first holidays were horri-ble. I learned that I had to do what I felt was right. I learned to let go of the expectations of others and live in the moment. Even if I plan to do something and change my mind, I feel no guilt. I learned that those who truly love me understand. I have found that I am truly becoming my-self….my new self. It is a slow process. There are setbacks.

Holidays are extremely difficult for every parent who has lost a child…...it matters not how long ago our child died. The pain is fresh, new and raw at this time of year. This is the season for leaning on our compas-sionate friends, for asking questions, expressing fears, anxieties, doubts, depression and anger and for finding the comfort, hope and understanding that each of us so desperately seeks.

Annette Mennen Baldwin In memory of my son, Todd Mennen

TCF, Katy, TX