Mindful Self-Compassion Core Skills Training

Kristin Neff, PhD

Chris Germer, PhD

October 14-15, 2016 FACES Conference

Hilton Seattle Airport Hotel Seattle, WA

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©ChristopherGermer&KristinNeff.MindfulSelf-Compassion.September2016.Allrightsreserved.Ifyouwouldliketopermissiontoreproduce,distribute,publish,displayormodifythesematerials,pleasecontactwww.CenterforMSC.org.Thankyou.

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DEFINITIONS

Mindfulness

“Theawarenessthatemergesthroughpayingattentiononpurpose,inthepresentmoment,andnonjudgmentallytotheunfoldingofexperiencemomenttomoment.”

JonKabat-Zinn

“Awareness,ofthepresentmoment,withacceptance.” ChrisGermer

“Knowingwhatyouareexperiencing,whileyou’reexperiencingit.”

Acceptance

“Active,nonjudgmentalembracingofexperienceinthehereandnow.” StevenHayes

Empathy

“Anaccurateunderstandingofthe[another’s]worldasseenfromtheinside.Tosense[anotherperson’s]worldasifitwereyourown.”

CarlRogers

Loving-Kindness

“Thewishthatallsentientbeingsmaybehappy.” DalaiLama

Compassion

“Thewishthatallsentientbeingsmaybefreefromsuffering.“ DalaiLama

“Deepawarenessofthesufferingofoneselfandotherlivingbeings,

coupledwiththewishandefforttoalleviateit.”

PaulGilbert

Self-Compassion

“Whenwesuffer,caringforourselvesaswewouldcareforsomeonewetrulylove.Self-compassionincludesself-kindness,asenseofcommonhumanity,andmindfulness.”

KristinNeff

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THESCIENCEOFSELF-COMPASSION Self-Compassion

Thethreecomponentsofself-compassion(Neff,2003b)• Self-Kindnessvs.Self-Judgment:

Ø TreatingselfwithcareandunderstandingratherthanharshjudgmentØ Activelysoothingandcomfortingoneself Ø Desire to alleviate suffering (any pain or emotional discomfort – large or small)

• Commonhumanityvs.Isolation Ø SeeingownexperienceaspartoflargerhumanexperiencenotisolatingorabnormalØ Recognizingthatlifeisimperfect(ustoo!)

• Mindfulnessvs.Over-identification Ø Allowsusto“be”withpainfulfeelingsastheyareØ Avoidsextremesofsuppressingorrunningawaywithpainfulfeelings

Physiologicalunderpinnings(Gilbert,2009)• Physiologicalunderpinningsofself-criticism

Ø ThreatdefensesystemØ Cortisolandadrenaline

• Physiologicalunderpinningsofself-compassionØ Mammaliancare-givingsystemØ Oxytocinandopiates

Researchonself-compassionExplosionofresearchintoself-compassionoverthepastdecade• MostresearchconductedwiththeSelf-CompassionScale(Neff,2003a)Self-compassionlinkedtowellbeing(Braun,Park,&Gorin,2016;Zessin,Dickhauser&Garbadee,2015)• Reductionsinnegativemind-states:Anxiety,depression,stress,perfectionism,shame,body

dissatisfaction,disorderedeating• Increasesinpositivemind-states:Lifesatisfaction,happiness,self-confidence,bodyappreciation,

immunefunctionSelf-compassionvs.self-esteem(Neff&Vonk,2009)• Offerssamewellbeingbenefitswithoutpitfalls

Ø FewersocialcomparisonsØ Lesscontingentself-worthØ Noassociationwithnarcissism

Linkedtocopingandresilience• Moreeffectivecopingwithdivorce(Sbarraetal.,2012)• LesslikelytodevelopPTSDaftercombattrauma(Hiraokaetal.,2015)Linkedtomotivation• Lessfearoffailure,morelikelytotryagainandpersistineffortsafterfailure(Breines&Chen,2012)• Morepersonalresponsibilityandmotivationtorepairpastmistakes(Learyetal.,2007)Linkedtohealth• Healthierbehaviors(Terry&Leary,2011)

Ø Moreexercise,safersex,helpssmokersquit,lessalcoholuse,moredoctorsvisits

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Linkedtoother-focusedconcern• Linkedtobetterromanticrelationships(Neff&Beretvas,2013)

Ø Morecaringandsupportiverelationshipbehavior(asratedbypartners)Ø Lesscontrollingandverballyaggressive

• Moreforgivenessandperspectivetaking(Neff&Pommier,2013)• Morecompassion,empathy,altruismforothers(Neff&Pommier,2013)Self-compassionforcaregivers• Lessburnoutand“compassion”fatigue(Raab,2014)• Moresatisfactionwithcare-givingrole(Barnard&Curry,2012)FamilyInfluencesonSelf-Compassion• Attachmentsecurity(Wei,Liao,Ku&Shaffer,2011)• Parentalcriticismandconflictinhome(Neff&McGehee,2010)• Historyofabuse(Vetesseetal.,2011)

HowtoIncreaseSelf-CompassionMindfulness-Basedapproaches• Mindfulness-BasedStressReduction,Mindfulness-BasedCognitiveTherapy,andAcceptanceand

CommitmentTherapyhaveallbeenshowntoincreaseself-compassion(Kengetal.,2012)• Self-compassionappearstobeakeymechanismofprogrameffectiveness(Kuykenetal.,2010)

CompassionFocusedTherapy(Gilbert,2010):• Lessdepression,anxiety,shame,dysfunction• Effectivewithavarietyofclinicalpopulations

MindfulSelf-Compassion(MSC)Program(Neff&Germer,2013)• 8-weekworkshopdesignedtoexplicitlyteachskillsofself-compassion• Usesmeditation,informalpractice,groupdiscussionandhomeworkexercises• RandomizedclinicaltrialofMSCwithinterventiongroupvs.wait-listcontrolgroup• MSCledtosignificantlygreatergainsinself-compassion,mindfulness,compassion,lifesatisfaction,

aswellasgreaterreductionsindepression,anxiety,stress,emotionalavoidance• Allwell-beinggainsmaintainedforoneyear• Degreeofformalandinformalself-compassionpracticebothrelatedtogainsinself-compassion

Ø DaysperweekspentmeditatingØ Hoursperdayspentininformalpractice

Currentresearchdirections• MSChasbeenadaptedforadolescents–“MakingFriendswithYourself”(Bluthetal.,2015)• DevelopingbriefinterventionusingMSCpracticesbutnomeditation

Ø Three90minsessionsorsix45minsessionsØ Studyingteachersandhealthcareworkerstoseeifcanimprovewellbeingandreduce

burnout

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ReferencesBarnard,L.K.,Curry,J.F.(2012).Therelationshipofclergyburnouttoself-compassionandother

personalitydimensions.PastoralPsychology,61,149–163.Bluth,K.,Gaylord,S.A.,Campo,R.A.,Mullarkey,M.C.,&Hobbs,L.(2015).MakingFriendswith

Yourself:AMixedMethodsPilotStudyofaMindfulSelf-CompassionProgramforAdolescents.Mindfulness,1-14.

Braun,T.D.,Park,C.L.,&Gorin,A.(2016).Self-compassion,bodyimage,anddisorderedeating:Areviewoftheliterature.BodyImage,17,117-131.

Breines,J.G.,&Chen,S.(2012).Self-compassionincreasesself-improvementmotivation.PersonalityandSocialPsychologyBulletin,38(9),1133-1143.

Gilbert,P.(2009).Thecompassionatemind.London:Constable.Gilbert,P.(2010).Anintroductiontocompassionfocusedtherapyincognitivebehaviortherapy.

InternationalJournalofCognitiveTherapy,3(2),97-112.Hiraoka,R.,Meyer,E.C.,Kimbrel,N.A.,B.DeBeer,B.B.,Gulliver,S.B.,&Morissette.S.B.(2015).Self-

compassionasaprospectivepredictorofPTSDsymptomseverityamongtrauma-exposedU.S.IraqandAfghanistanwarveterans.JournalofTraumaticStress,28,1-7.

Keng,S.,Smoski,M.J.,Robins,C.J.,Ekblad,A.G.,&Brantley,J.G.(2012).Mechanismsofchangeinmindfulness-basedstressreduction:Self-compassionandmindfulnessasmediatorsofinterventionoutcomes.JournalOfCognitivePsychotherapy,26(3),270-280.

Kuyken,W.,Watkins,E.,Holden,E.,White,K.,Taylor,R.S.,Byford,S.,Dalgleish,T.(2010).Howdoesmindfulness-basedcognitivetherapywork?BehaviorResearchandTherapy,48,1105-1112.

Leary,M.R.,Tate,E.B.,Adams,C.E.,Allen,A.B.,&Hancock,J.(2007).Self-compassionandreactionstounpleasantself-relevantevents:Theimplicationsoftreatingoneselfkindly.JournalofPersonalityandSocialPsychology,92,887-904.

Neff,K.D.(2003a).Developmentandvalidationofascaletomeasureself-compassion.SelfandIdentity,2,223-250.

Neff,K.D.(2003b).Self-compassion:Analternativeconceptualizationofahealthyattitudetowardoneself.SelfandIdentity,2,85-102.

Neff,K.D.,&Beretvas,S.N.(2013).Theroleofself-compassioninromanticrelationships.SelfandIdentity,12(1),78-98.

Neff,K.D.,&Germer,C.K.(2013).ApilotstudyandrandomizedcontrolledtrialoftheMindfulSelf-Compassionprogram.JournalOfClinicalPsychology,69(1),28-44.

Neff,K.D.&McGehee,P.(2010).Self-compassionandpsychologicalresilienceamongadolescentsandyoungadults.SelfandIdentity,9,225-240

Neff,K.D.&Pommier,E.(2013).Therelationshipbetweenself-compassionandother-focusedconcernamongcollegeundergraduates,communityadults,andpracticingmeditators.SelfandIdentity,12(2),160-176

Neff,K.D.,&Vonk,R.(2009).Self-compassionversusglobalself-esteem:Twodifferentwaysofrelatingtooneself.JournalofPersonality,77,23-50.

Raab,K.(2014).Mindfulness,Self-Compassion,andEmpathyAmongHealthCareProfessionals:AReviewoftheLiterature.Journalofhealthcarechaplaincy,20(3),95-108.

Sbarra,D.A.,Smith,H.L.&Mehl,M.R.(2012).WhenleavingyourEx,loveyourself:Observationalratingsofself-compassionpredictthecourseofemotionalrecoveryfollowingmaritalseparation.PsychologicalScience.23(3),261–269.

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Terry,M.L.,&Leary,M.R.(2011).Self-compassion,self-regulation,andhealth.SelfandIdentity,10(3),352-362.

Vettese,L.C.,Dyer,C.E.,LiW.L.&Wekerle,C.(2011).Doesself-compassionmitigatetheassociationbetweenchildhoodmaltreatmentandlateremotionalregulationdifficulties?Apreliminaryinvestigation.InternationalJournalofMentalHealthandAddiction,9,480-491.

Wei,M.,Liao,K.,Ku,T.,&Shaffer,P.A.(2011).Attachment,self-compassion,empathy,andsubjectivewell-beingamongcollegestudentsandcommunityadults.JournalofPersonality,79,191-221.

Zessin,U.,Dickhäuser,O.,&Garbade,S.(2015).TheRelationshipBetweenSelf-CompassionandWell-Being:AMeta-Analysis.AppliedPsychology:HealthandWell-Being,7(3),340-364.

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PATHWAYSANDSTAGES

PathwaystoSelf-Compassion 1. Physical–Caringforyourbody/non-harm

2. Mental-Allowingyourthoughts

3. Emotional-Acceptingyourfeelings

4. Relational–Connectingauthenticallywithothers

5. Spiritual-Nurturingyourvalues

StagesofAcceptance 1. Exploring–turningtowarddiscomfortwithcuriosity

2. Tolerating–safelyenduring

3. Allowing–lettingfeelingscomeandgo

4. Befriending–seeingpainaspartofameaningfullife

StagesofProgress 1. Striving–wishingtofeelbetter

2. Disillusionment–whenresistanceamplifiesdiscomfort

3. TrueAcceptance–acceptancebeforechange

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BACKDRAFTWhatIsBackdraft?Backdraftreferstodiscomfortthatmayarisewhenwegiveourselvescompassion.Theexperienceofbackdraftcanbeconfusingforsomepractitionersbutitisakeypartofthetransformationprocess.Ithelpstounderstandthenatureofbackdraftandtoknowhowtorespondtoit.“Backdraft”isatermthatfirefightersusetodescribehowafirecangrowwhenfreshairisintroducedthroughanopendoor.Asimilareffectcanoccurwhenweopenthedoorofourheartswithself-compassion.Mostofourheartsarehotwithpainaccumulatedoveralifetime.Inordertofunctioninourlives,weneededtoshutoutstressfulorpainfulexperiences.However,whenthedoorofourheartsopensandkindnessflowsin,oldhurtsarelikelytocomeout.That’sbackdraft.Thediscomfortwefeelisnotcreatedbyself-compassionpractice—it’ssimplybeingre-experiencedandtransformedbythepowerofcompassion.Thereisanothermetaphorforthisprocess–warmingupice-coldhands.Whenourhandsarenumbfrombeingoutincoldandthentheybegintowarmup,wemayexperiencepainforashorttime.Numbnessisalsowhatwemayfeeltowardoldpainsinourlivesuntilwewarmupourawarenesswithself-compassion.HowDoWeRecognizeBackdraft?Backdraftcanshowupasanytypeofemotional,mental,orphysicaluneasiness.Forexample:

• Emotionally–shame,grief,fear,sadness• Mentally–“I’mallalone.”“I’mafailure.”“I’munworthy.”• Physically–bodymemories,aches,pains

Oftenuneasinessappearsoutofnowhereandwemaynotunderstandwhyit’shappening.Atearcanappearwhilemeditating,orasadness,orasenseofvulnerability.Secondaryreactionsmayalsoarisewhenwestrugglenottofeelbackdraft.Forexample,wemightgointoourheads(intellectualize),becomeagitated,withdraw,space-out,orcriticizeourselvesandothers.Allthesereactionsarequitenaturalandcanalsobemetwithkindnessandcompassion.WhatCanWeDoAboutBackdraft?BelowisasummaryofapproachestobackdraftthatyouwilllearninMSC.However,pleaserememberthatyouaretheforemostexpertonyourlifeandwhatyouneed.Youcanbeginbyaskingyourself“WhatdoIneedrightnow?“WhatdoIneedtofeelsafe?”Then,dependingonwhatfeelsrighttoyou,youmayconsideranyofthefollowingstrategies:

Practicemindfulnesstoregulateattention:§ Labeltheexperienceasbackdraft–“Oh,thisis‘backdraft’”—asyoumightforadearfriend.

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§ Nameyourstrongestemotionandvalidateitforyourselfinacompassionatevoice(“Ah,that’s

grief”).

§ Explorewheretheemotionphysicallyresidesinyourbody,perhapsastensioninyourstomachorhollownessinyourheart,andofferyourselfsoothingorsupportivetouch.

§ Redirectyourattentiontoaneutralfocusinsideyourbody(e.g.,thebreath),orasensationattheboundaryofthebody(e.g.,sensationsinthesolesofyourfeetwhilewalking),orasenseobjectintheoutsideworld(e.g.,ambientsounds).Thefurtherfromyourbodyyougo,theeasieritwillbe.

Anchorawarenessinordinaryactivities:§ Youmayfeeltheneedtoanchoryourawarenessinaneverydayactivity,suchaswashingthe

dishes,goingforawalk,showering,cycling.Ifyouhappentofindtheactivitypleasantorrewardingforyoursenses(smell,taste,touch,sound,vision),allowyourselftosavourit.Pleaseseethehandout,“MindfulnessinDailyLife,”forfurtherinstructions.

§ Oryoumayfeeltheneedtocomfort,sootheorsupportyourselfinapractical,behavioralway,suchasbyhavingacupoftea,awarmbath,listeningtomusic,orcallingafriend.Pleaseseethehandout,“Self-CompassioninDailyLife,”foradditionalinstructions.

§ Ifyouneedfurtherassistance,pleasemakeuseofyourpersonalcontacts(friends,family,therapists,teachers)togetwhatyouneed.

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MEDITATIONS

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AFFECTIONATEBREATHING

• Pleasefindapostureinwhichyourbodyiscomfortableandwillfeelsupportedforthelengthofthemeditation.Thenletyoureyesgentlyclose,partiallyorfully.Takingafewslow,easybreaths,releasinganyunnecessarytensioninyourbody.

• Ifyoulike,placingahandoveryourheartoranothersoothingplaceasareminderthatwe’rebringingnotonlyawareness,butaffectionateawareness,toourbreathingandtoourselves.Youcanleaveyourhandthereorletitrestatanytime.

• Nowbeginningtonoticeyourbreathinginyourbody,feelingyourbodybreatheinandfeelingyourbodybreatheout.

• Justlettingyourbodybreatheyou.Thereisnothingyouneedtodo.

• Perhapsnoticinghowyourbodyisnourishedonthein-breathandrelaxeswiththeout-breath.

• Nownoticingtherhythmofyourbreathing,flowinginandflowingout.(pause)Takingsometimetofeelthenaturalrhythmofyourbreathing.

• Feelingyourwholebodysubtlymovingwiththebreath,likethemovementofthesea.

• Yourmindwillnaturallywanderlikeacuriouschildoralittlepuppy.Whenthathappens,justgentlyreturningtotherhythmofyourbreathing.

• Allowingyourwholebodytobegentlyrockedandcaressed–internallycaressed-byyourbreathing.

• Ifyoulike,evengivingyourselfovertoyourbreathing,lettingyourbreathingbeallthereis.Becomingthebreath.

• Justbreathing.Beingbreathing.

• Andnow,gentlyreleasingyourattentiontothebreath,sittingquietlyinyourownexperience,andallowingyourselftofeelwhateveryou’refeelingandtobejustasyouare.

• Slowlyandgentlyopeningyoureyes.

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LOVING-KINDNESSFOROURSELVES

• Pleasefindacomfortableposition,sittingorlyingdown.Lettingyoureyesclose,fullyorpartially.Takingafewdeepbreathstosettleintoyourbodyandintothepresentmoment.

• Puttingyourhandoveryourheart,orwhereveritiscomfortingandsoothing,asareminderthatyouarebringingnotonlyawareness,butlovingawareness,toyourexperienceandtoyourself.

• Afterawhile,feelingyourbreathwhereyounoticeitmosteasily.Feelingyourbodybreatheinandout,andwhenyourattentionwanders,noticingthegentlemovementofyourbreathonceagain.

• gentlyreleasingyourfocusonthebreath,orcontinuingtohaveabackgroundawarenessofyourThenbreathasyoubeginofferingyourselfwordsofkindnessandcompassion,overandover…wordsthatyou

needtohear,wordsyoucansavor.

o Ifyoualreadyhavephrasesthataremeaningfultoyou,pleaseusethese.

o Ifyouarenewtomeditatingwithphrases,pleaseopenyourheartandmindtowhatyouneedtohear–wordsofwisdomandcompassionthatspeaktoyouinthedeepestway.

• Openingyourhearttothesewords,whisperingthemgentlyintoyourownear,againandagain.

• Perhapshearingthewordsfromtheinside,allowingthemtoresonatewithinyou.

• Allowingthewordstotakeupspace,tofillyourbeing,ifonlyforthisonemoment.

Wheneveryounoticethatyourmindhaswandered,refreshingyouraimbyfeelingthesensationsinyourbody.Cominghometoyourownbody.Andthenfeelingtheimportanceofyourwords.Cominghometokindness.

• Finally,releasingthephrasesandrestingquietlyinyourownbody.

• Gentlyopeningyoureyes.

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GIVINGANDRECEIVINGCOMPASSION

Pleasesitcomfortably,closingyoureyes,andifyoulike,puttingahandoveryourheartoranothersoothingplaceasaremindertobringnotjustawareness,butlovingawareness,toyourexperienceandtoyourself.

SavoringtheBreath

• Takingafewdeep,relaxingbreaths,noticinghowyourbreathnourishesyourbodyasyouinhaleandsoothesyourbodyasyouexhale.

• Nowlettingyourbreathingfinditsownnaturalrhythm.Continuefeelingthesensationofbreathinginandbreathingout.Ifyoulike,allowingyourselftobegentlyrockedandcaressedbytherhythmofyourbreathing.

WarmingUpAwareness

• Now,focusingyourattentiononyourin-breath,lettingyourselfsavorthesensationofbreathingin,noticinghowyourin-breathnourishesyourbody,breathafterbreath….andthenreleasingyourbreath.

• Asyoubreathe,breathinginsomethinggoodforyourself…whateveryouneed.Perhapsaqualityofwarmth,kindness,compassion,orlove?Justfeelit,oryoucanuseawordorimageifyoulike.

• Now,shiftingyourfocusnowtoyourout-breath,feelingyourbodybreatheout,feelingtheeaseofexhalation.

• Pleasecalltomindsomeonewhomyouloveorsomeonewhoisstrugglingandneedscompassion.Visualizethatpersonclearlyinyourmind.

• Begindirectingyourout-breathtothisperson,offeringtheeaseofbreathingout.

• Ifyouwish,intentionallysendingwarmthandkindness—somethinggood—tothispersonwitheachoutbreath.

InforMe,OutforYou

• Nowlettinggoofwhatyouortheotherpersonmayneed,andjustfocusingonthesensationofbreathingcompassioninandoutandsendingsomethinggood.“Informeandoutforyou.”“Oneformeandoneforyou.”

• Ifyouwish,youcanfocusalittlemoreonyourself,ortheotherperson,orjustletitbeanequalflow—whateverfeelsrightinthemoment.

• Oryoucansendsomethinggoodtomorethanoneperson.

• Allowingyourbreathtoflowinandout,likethegentlemovementoftheocean-alimitless,boundlessflow-flowinginandflowingout.Lettingyourselfbeapartofthislimitless,boundlessflow.Anoceanofcompassion.

• Gentlyopeningyoureyes.

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LOVING-KINDNESSFORALOVEDONE

• Allowyourselftosettleintoacomfortableposition,eithersittingorlyingdown.Ifyoulike,puttingahandoveryourheartoranotherlocationthatissoothingasaremindertobringnotonlyawareness,butlovingawareness,toourexperienceandtoourselves.

• Bringingtomindapersonorotherlivingbeingwhonaturallymakesyousmile.Thiscouldbeachild,agrandparent,yourcatordog—whomevernaturallybringshappinesstoyourheart.Lettingyourselffeelwhatit’sliketobeinthatbeing’spresence.Allowingyourselftoenjoythegoodcompany.Createavividimageofthisbeinginyourmind’seye.

• Now,recognizehowmuchbeingwishestobehappyandfreefromsuffering,justlikeyouandeveryotherlivingbeing.Repeatingsoftlyandgently,feelingtheimportanceofyourwords:

o Mayyoubehappy.

o Mayyoubepeaceful.

o Mayyoubehealthy.

o Mayyoulivewithease.

• Youmaywishtouseyourownwordstocaptureyourdeepestwishesforyourlovedone,orcontinuetorepeatthesephrases.

• Whenyounoticethatyourmindhaswandered,returningtothewordsandtheimageofthelovedoneyouhaveinmind.Savoringanywarmfeelingsthatmayarise.Takingyourtime.

• Now,addingyourselftoyourcircleofgoodwill.Creatinganimageofyourselfinthepresenceofyourlovedone,visualizingyoubothtogether.

o MayyouandI(we)behappy.

o MayyouandI(we)bepeaceful.

o MayyouandI(we)behealthy.

o MayyouandI(we)livewithease.

• Now,lettinggooftheimageoftheother,andlettingthefullfocusofyourattentionrestdirectlyonyourself.Puttingyourhandoveryourheart,orelsewhere,andfeelingthewarmthandgentlepressureofyourhand.Visualizingyourwholebodyinyourmind’seye,noticinganystressoruneasinessthatmaybelingeringwithinyou,andofferingyourselfthephrases.

o MayIbehappy.

o MayIbepeaceful.

o MayIbehealthy.

o MayIlivewithease.

• Finally,takingafewbreathsandjustrestingquietlyinyourownbody,acceptingwhateveryourexperienceis,exactlyasitis.

• Gentlyopeningyoureyes.

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COMPASSIONATEFRIEND

Pleasefindacomfortableposition,eithersittingorlyingdown.Gentlycloseyoureyes.Takeafewdeepbreathstosettleintoyourbody.Putoneortwohandsoveryourheartoranothersoothingplacetoremindyourselftogiveyourselflovingattention.

SafePlace

• Nowimaginingyourselfinaplacethatissafeandcomfortable—ascomfortableaspossible.Itmightbeacozyroomwiththefireplace,orapeacefulbeachwithawarmsunandacoolbreeze,oraforestglade.Itcouldalsobeanimaginaryplace,likefloatingonclouds…anywhereyoufeelreasonablypeacefulandsafe.Lettingyourselfenjoybeinginthisplace.(pause).

CompassionateFriend

• Soonyou’llreceiveavisitor,awarmandcompassionatepresence—acompassionatefriend—whoembodiesthequalitiesofwisdom,strength,andunconditionallove.

• Thisbeingmaybeaspiritualfigure;awise,compassionateteacher;orapersonfromyourpastlikeagrandparent.Heorshemayhavenoparticularform—perhapsthisbeingismorelikelight,orawarmpresence.

Yourcompassionatefriendcaresdeeplyaboutyouandwouldlikeyoutobehappyandfreefromunnecessarystruggle.

• Pleaseallowabeingtocometomind.

Arrival

• Youhaveachoicetogooutfromyoursafeplaceandmeetyourcompassionatefriend,ortoinvitehimorherin.(pause)Pleasetakethatopportunitynow,ifyoulike

• Placingyourselfinjusttherightwayinrelationtoyourcompassionatefriend—whateverfeelsright.Imaginingyourcompassionatefriendinasmuchdetailaspossible,especiallyallowingyourselftofeelwhatit’sliketobeinhisorherpresence.Thereisnothingyouneedtodoexcepttoexperiencethemoment.(pause).

Meeting

• Yourcompassionatefriendiswiseandall-knowing,andknowsexactlywhereyouareinyourlifejourney.Yourfriendmightwanttotellyousomething,somethingthatisjustwhatyouneedtohearrightnow.Pleasetakeamomentandlistencarefullytowhatyourcompassionatefriendmighthavetosay.(pause)Ifnowordscome,that’sokay,too—justcontinuetoexperiencethegoodcompany.That’sablessinginitself.

• Andperhapsyouwouldliketosaysomethingtoyourcompassionatefriend.Yourfriendlistensdeeply,andcompletelyunderstandsyou.Isthereanythingyou’dliketoshare?(pause)

• Yourfriendmayalsoliketoleaveyouwithagift—amaterialobject.Theobjectmightsimplyappearinyourhandsoryoumayputoutyourhandsandreceiveone—somethingthathasspecialmeaningtoyou.(pause)Ifsomethingappears,whatisit?(pause)

• Nowtakingafewmoremomentstoenjoyyourfriend’spresence.(pause)Andasyoucontinuetoenjoyhisorhergoodcompany,allowingyourselftorealizethatyourfriendisactuallyapartofyourself.(pause)Allthecompassionatefeelings,images,andwordsthatyouareexperiencingflowfromyourowninnerwisdomandcompassion.

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COMPASSIONATEFRIEND

Reflection

• Finally,whenyou’reready,allowingtheimagestograduallydissolveinyourmind’seye,rememberingthatcompassionandwisdomisalwayswithinyou,especiallywhenyouneedthemthemost.Youcancallonyourcompassionatefriendanytimeyouwish.

• Settlingbackintoyourbodyandlettingyourselfsavorwhatjusthappened,perhapsreflectingonthewordsyoumayhaveheardortheobjectthatmayhavebeengiventoyou.(pause)

• Andfinallylettinggoofthemeditationandallowingyourselftofeelwhateveryoufeelandtobeexactlyasyouare.

• Gentlyopeningyoureyes.

AdaptedfromGilbert,2009

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INFORMALPRACTICES

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SOOTHINGTOUCH

Aneasywaytosupportourselveswhenwe’refeelingbadlyistoofferourselvescomfortingorsoothingtouch.

Hand-on-Heart

• Whenyounoticeyou’reunderstress,take2-3deep,satisfyingbreaths.• Gentlyplaceahandoveryourheart,simplyfeelingthegentlepressureandwarmthofyour

hand.Ifyouwish,placingbothhandsoveryourheart.• Feelthenaturalrisingandfallingofyourchestasyoubreatheinandasyoubreatheout.• Lingerwiththefeelingforaslongasyoulike.

Somepeoplefeeluneasyputtingahandovertheheart.Feelfreetoexplorewhereonyourbodyagentletouchisactuallysoothing.Someotherpossibilitiesare:

• Cuppingyourhandoverafistoveryourheart

• Onehandoveryourheartandoneonyourbelly

• Twohandsonyourbelly

• Onehandonyourcheek

• Cradlingyourfaceinyourhands

• Gentlystrokingyourarms

• Crossingyourarmsandgivingyourselfagentlesqueeze

• Gentlystrokingyourchest,backandforthorinsmallcircles

• Onehandtenderlyholdingtheother

• Cuppingyourhandsinyourlap

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SELF-COMPASSIONBREAK

Whenyounoticethatyou’refeelingstressoremotionaldiscomfort,seeifyoucanfindthediscomfortinyourbody.Wheredoyoufeelitthemost?Makecontactwiththesensationsastheyariseinyourbody.Now,saytoyourself,slowly:

1. “Thisisamomentofsuffering”

That’smindfulness.Otheroptionsinclude:§ Thishurts.§ Ouch!§ Thisisstressful.

2. “Sufferingisapartoflife”

That’scommonhumanity.Otheroptionsinclude:

• I’mnotalone.Othersarejustlikeme.• Weallstruggleinourlives• Thisishowitfeelswhenapersonstrugglesinthisway

Now,putyourhandsoveryourheart,orwhereveritfeelssoothing,feelingthewarmthandgentletouchofyourhands.

Saytoyourself:

3. “MayIbekindtomyself,”oranotherwayofsayingthisis,“MayIgivemyselfwhatIneed.”

Seeifyoucanfindwordsforwhatyouneedintimeslikethis. Optionsmayinclude:

• MayIacceptmyselfasIam• MayIlearntoacceptmyselfasIam• MayIforgivemyself• MayIbestrong• MayIbepatient• MayIliveinlove

Ifyou’rehavingdifficultyfindingtherightwords,imaginethatadearfriendorlovedoneishavingthesameproblemasyou.Whatwouldyousaytothisperson?Ifyourfriendwouldleavewithjustafewwordsinmind,whatwouldyoulikethosewordstobe?Whatmessagewouldyouliketodeliver,hearttoheart?

Nowseeifyoucanofferthesamemessagetoyourself.

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SOLESOFTHEFEET

Thisisaneffectivewaytoanchoryourawarenessinthepresentmoment,inbodysensation,especiallywhenyou’reupsetandcan’tcalmyourselfdown.

• Standupandfeelthesolesofyourfeetonthefloor.Rockforwardandbackalittle,andsidetoside.Makelittlecircleswithyourknees,feelingthechangesofsensationinthesolesofyourfeet.

• Whenyounoticeyourmindhaswandered,justfeelingthesolesofyourfeetagain.

• Ifyouwish,youcanbegintowalkslowly,noticingthechangingsensationsinthesolesofyourfeet.Noticingthesensationofliftingafoot,steppingforward,andtheplacingthefootonthefloor.Doingthesamewithbothfeetasyouwalk.

• Asyouwalk,perhapsalsonoticingforamomenthowsmallthesurfaceareaofyourfeetis,andhowhardyourfeetworktokeepyourbodyofftheground.Seeifyoucannoticethatwithappreciationorgratitude.

• Whenyouareready,returningtostanding

• AdaptedfromSinghetal,2003

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MINDFULNESSINDAILYLIFE

Mindfulnesscanbepracticedeverymomentoftheday—whileyoubrushyourteeth,whileyouwalkfromtheparkinggaragetowork,whenyoueatyourbreakfast,orwheneveryourcellphonerings.

• Pickanordinaryactivity.Youmightchoosedrinkingyourcupofcoffeeinthemorning,brushingyourteeth,ortakingashower.Ifyouwish,selectanactivitythatoccursearlyinthedaybeforeyourattentionispulledinmanydirections.

• Chooseonesensoryexperiencetoexploreintheactivity,suchasthesensationoftasteasyoudrinkyourcoffeeorthesensationofwatertouchingyourbodywhileshowering.

• Immerseyourselfintheexperience,savoringittothefullest.Returnyourmindtothesensationsagainandagainwhenyounoticeithaswanderedaway.

• Bringgentle,friendlyawarenesstotheactivityuntilithasbeencompleted.

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SELF-COMPASSIONINDAILYLIFE

Thegoalof theMSCprogramis tobemindfulandself-compassionate indaily life. Thatmeansto (1)knowwhen you’re under stress or suffering (mindfulness) and (2) to respond with care and kindness (self-compassion). The simplest approach is to discover how you already care for yourself, and then remindyourselftodothosethingswhenyourlifebecomesdifficult.

Self-CompassioninDailyLife

PHYSICALLY–softenthebody

Howdoyoucareforyourselfphysically(e.g.,exercise,massage,warmbath,cupoftea)?

Canyouthinkofnewwaystoreleasethetensionandstressthatbuildsupinyourbody?

MENTALLY–reduceagitation

Howdoyoucareforyourmind,especiallywhenyou’reunderstress(e.g.,meditation,watchafunnymovie,readaninspiringbook)?

Isthereanewstrategyyou’dliketotrytoletyourthoughtscomeandgomoreeasily?

EMOTIONALLY–sootheandcomfortyourself

Howdoyoucareforyourselfemotionally(petthedog,journal,cook)?

Istheresomethingnewyou’dliketotry?

RELATIONALLY–connectwithothers Howorwhendoyourelatetoothersthatbringsyougenuinehappiness(e.g.,meetwithfriends,sendabirthdaycard,playagame)?

Isthereanywaythatyou’dliketoenrichtheseconnections?

SPIRITUALLY–committoyourvalues

Whatdoyoudotocareforyourselfspiritually(pray,walkinthewoods,helpothers)?

Ifyou’vebeenneglectingyourspiritualside,isthereanythingyou’dliketoremembertodo?

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FINDINGLOVING-KINDNESSPHRASES

Thisisapenandpaperexerciseratherthananinformalpracticeforuseindailylife.Theexerciseisdesignedtohelpyoudiscoverloving-kindnessandcompassionphrasesthataredeeplymeaningfultoyou.Ifyoualreadyhavephrasesandwishtocontinueusingthem,youcantrythisexerciseasanexperimentbutpleasedon’tfeelyouneedtofindnewphrases.

Tostart,pleasecloseyoureyes,putahandoveryourheartorelsewhere,andfeelyourbodygentlybreathe.

WhatDoINeed?

• Takeamoment,allowingyourhearttogentlyopen.Youcanimagineyourheartopeninglikeaflowerinthewarmsun–openingtoitself.

• Thenaskingyourselfthequestion,“WhatdoIneed?WhatdoItrulyneed?

Ifthisneedhasnotbeenfulfilledinagivenday,yourdayisnotcomplete.Lettheanswerbeauniversalhumanneedsuchastheneedtobeconnected,kind,peaceful,free.Giveyourselftimetoallowoneormorewordstoarisenaturallywithinyou.

• Whenyouareready,pleaseopenyoureyesandwritedownwhatyou,asaperson,reallyneed.

• Ifyouwish,youcantranslateyourneedsintowishesforyourself,suchas,

o “MayIfeelconnectedtoothers”

o “MayIbekindtomyself”

o “MayIIiveinpeace”

o "MayIbefree"

Oryoucanusethewordorwordsjustastheyaroseinyourmind

WhatDoILongtoHear?

• Now,closingyoureyesagainandaskingyourselfthesequestions:

“WhatdoIlongtohearfromothers?”

“WhatwordsdoIlongtohearspokentomebecause,asaperson,Ireallyneedtohearwordslikethis?”

“IfIcould,whatwordswouldIliketohavewhisperedintomyeareverydayfortherestofmylife--wordsthatwouldfillmewithgratitudeeverytimeIhearthem?InsideIwouldfeel,‘Oh,thankyou…thankyou…thankyou’””

Openthedoorofyourheartandwaitforwordstocome.Havecourage.Listen.

• Nowgentlyopenyoureyesagainandtakeamomenttowritedownwhatyouheard.

Ifyouheardalotofwords,seeifyoucanmakethewordsintoashortphrase—amessagetoyourself.

• Wordsthatwelongtohearfromothersareoftenqualitiesthatwewishtoactualizeinourownlives,orattitudesthatwewishtoknowforsure.Theyaresubtlewishesforourselves.For

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FINDINGLOVING-KINDNESSPHRASESexample,longingtohear“Iloveyou”meansthatwewishtoknowthatwearelovable.Youcankeepyourphrasesjustasyouwrotethemdown,withanimplicitwishbehindthem,oryoucanshapethemintoanexplicitwishforyourself.Forexample:o “Iloveyou”canbecomethewish,“MayIlovemyselfjustasIam.”

o “I’mhereforyou”canbecomethewish,“MayIbethereformyself,”or“MayIbestrong.”

o “You’reagoodperson”canbecomethewish,“MayIknowmyowngoodness.”

Youcanofferyourselfwhatyoulongtohearfromothers.

• Now,takealittletimetoreviewwhatyouhavewritten,andsettleon2-4wordsorphrasesthatyouwouldenjoyhearingagainandagain.Thesearegiftstoyourself,wordsthatmakeyoufeelgratefulwhenyoureceivethem.

• Finally,closeoureyesforalasttime.Beginsayingyourphrasesoverandover,slowlyandgently,whisperingthemintoyourownearasifintotheearofalovedone.(5minutes)

• Gentlyopenyoureyes.

Pleaseconsiderthisexercisetobeonlythebeginningofasearchforphrasesthatarejustrightforyou.Findingphrasesisasoulfuljourney,apoeticjourney.Hopefullyyouwillfindyourselfreturningtothisprocess(“WhatdoIneed?”WhatdoIlongtohear?”)asyoupracticeloving-kindnessmeditation

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COMPASSIONATELETTERTOMYSELF

Everybodyhassomethingaboutthemselvestheydon’tlike;somethingthatcausesthemtofeelshame,insecure,ornot“goodenough”(i.e.,anunhealthyhabit,aphysicalattribute,orawayofrelatingtoothers).Whenyounoticethatyouarebeingunnecessarilycriticaltowardyourself,thefollowingexercisecanhelptocultivateamorecompassionate,encouragingvoice.

FromaFriendtoYourself

• Thinkaboutanimaginaryfriendwhoisunconditionallywise,lovingandcompassionate.Imaginethatthisfriendcanseeallyourstrengthsandweaknesses,includingwhatyoudon’tlikeaboutyourself.Thisfriendrecognizesthelimitsofhumannature,andiskind,accepting,andforgiving.

• Writealettertoyourselffromtheperspectiveofthisimaginaryfriend,focusingontheperceivedinadequacyyoutendtojudgeyourselffor.Whatwouldthisfriendsaytoyoufromtheperspectiveofunlimitedcompassion?Andifyouthinkthisfriendwouldsuggestpossiblechangesyoushouldmake,howmightthesesuggestionsembodyfeelingsofcare,encouragement,andsupport?

• Afterwritingtheletter,putitdownforalittlewhile.Thencomebacktoitandreaditagain,reallylettingthewordssinkin.Feelthecompassionasitpoursintoyou,soothingandcomfortingyou.Love,connectionandacceptanceareyourbirthright.Toclaimthemyouneedonlylookwithinyourself.

FromYourselftoaFriend

• Writealetterasifyouweretalkingtoadearlylovedfriendwhowasstrugglingwiththesameconcernthatyouare.Whatwordsofcompassionandsupportwouldyouoffer?Thengobackandreadtheletter,applyingthewordstoyourself.

FromYourCompassionateSelftoYourself• Writealetterfromtheperspectiveofyourowncompassionateself.Thispartofyouwouldliketohelp

youbecauseheorshecaresdeeplyaboutyou.Theintentionbehindyourcompassionateselfis“IloveyouandIdon’twantyoutosuffer.”Puttheletterawayandreadittoyourselflateron.

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SENSEANDSAVORWALK

• Thegoalofthewalkistonoticeasmanypleasurablethingsaspossible,slowly,oneafteranother.Usingallyoursenses—sight,smell,sound,touch…maybeeventaste.

• Howmanyhappy,beautiful,orinspiringthingscanyounoticewhileyou’rewalking?Doyouenjoythefreshair,thewarmsun,abeautifulleaf,theshapeofastone,asmilingface,thesongofabird,thefeelingoftheearthunderyourfeet?

• Whenyoufindsomethingdelightfulorpleasant,letyourselfgointoit.Reallyenjoyit.Feelatenderleaforthetextureofastick,ifyoulike.Giveyourselfovertotheexperienceasifitweretheonlythinkthatexistedintheworld.Andwhenyouarereadytodiscoversomethingnew,letitgoandwaituntilyoudiscoversomethingelsethatispleasurableanddelightfultoyou.

• Belikeahoneybeegoingfromoneflowerfullofnectartoanother.Whenyouarefullwithone,gotoanother.

• Takeyourtimeandenjoy!

AdaptedfromBryant&Veroff,2007

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COMPASSIONATEWALKING

• Standstillforamomentandanchoryourattentioninyourbody.Beawareofyourselfinthestandingposture.Feelyourbody.

• Recallthateverylivingbeingwantstolivepeacefullyandhappily.Connectingwiththatdeepwish:“Justasallbeingswishtobehappyandfreefromsuffering,mayIbehappyandfreefromsuffering.”

• Beginningtowalk,notingyourselfmovingthroughspaceintheuprightposition.Feelingthesensationsofyourbody,perhapsnotingthesensationsinthesolesofyourfeetorthewindinyourface.Keepingasoftgazeandwalkingatanormalpace.

• Afterwalkingforafewminutes,repeatingtheloving-kindnessphrasestoyourself:

MayIbehappyandfreefromsuffering

• Thephraseswillkeepyourattentionanchoredinyourbodyandstarttoevoketheattitudeofloving-kindness.Trysynchronizingthephraseswitheachsteporwitheachbreath.Itmayhelptoshortenthephrasestoasingleword:“safe,happy,healthy,ease”or“love,love,love,love.”

• Whenyourmindwanders,gentlyreturningtothephrases.Ifyoufindyourselfhasteningtoyourdestination,slowingdownandrefocusingonyourpurpose.

• Doingthiswithkindness,especiallyafeelingofgratitudetowardyourfeetforsupportingyourentirebody.Appreciatingthemarvelofwalking.

• Afterafewminutes,expandingloving-kindnesstoothers.Whensomeonecatchesyourattention,sayingtoyourself:

Mayyoubehappyandfreefromsuffering

• Youmayalsosay“Maywebehappyandfreefromsuffering…”orjust“safe…happy…healthy…ease”or“love…love…love…love.”Don’ttrytoincludeeveryone;justdoitonepersonatatime,keepingtheattitudeofloving-kindnessalive.

• Eventuallyincludingallformsoflifeinthecircleofyourloving-kindness,e.g.,dogs,birds,insects,andplants.

• Allowingyourselftoreceiveanyexpressionsofkindnessthatmaycomeyourway.

• Attheendofthewalkingperiod,standingstillforamomentandrepeating“Mayallbeingsbehappyandfreefromsuffering”beforeyougoontoyournextactivity.

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COMPASSIONATEMOVEMENT

• Anchoring

Pleasestandupandfeelthesolesofyourfeetonthefloor.Rockingforwardandbackwardalittle,andsidetoside.Makinglittlecircleswithyourknees,feelingthechangesofsensationinthesolesofyourfeet.Anchoringyourawarenessinyourfeet.

• Opening

Nowopeningyourfieldofawarenessandscanningyourwholebodyforothersensations,noticinganyareasofeaseaswellasareasoftension.

• RespondingCompassionately

Focusingforamomentonplacesofdiscomfort.

Graduallybegintomoveyourbodyinawaythatfeelsreallygoodtoyou—givingyourselfcompassion.Forexample,lettingyourselfgentlytwistyourshoulders,rollingyourhead,turningatthewaist,droppingintoaforwardbend…whateverfeelsjustrightforyourightnow.

Givingyourbodythemovementitneeds.AspoetMaryOliversaid,“Youonlyhavetoletthesoftanimalofyourbodylovewhatitloves.”

• Stillness

Finally,comingtostillness,standingagainandfeelingyourbody,notinganychanges.

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COMPASSIONATELISTENING

Whenyouareengagedinconversationandwouldliketolistenmoreattentivelyandfeelmorecompassion,trypracticingGivingandReceivingCompassion.Youcancontinuetheconversationand,inthebackground,feelthemovementofyourbreathinyourbody.Thispracticeallowsustodisentanglefromstrongemotionsandstayconnectedandemotionallyattuned.

• Feelyourbreathingand,witheveryout-breath,sendcomfortandsoothingtotheotherperson.Waitfor each out-breath to return again, sending comfort and soothing each time. (Do this for 5-6breaths.)

• Nowshiftyourattentiontoyourin-breath.Breatheincareandcomfortforyourself.Waitingforeachin-breath,feelyourbodyinhale,andenjoythecomfortthatcomeswithbreathingin.(5-6breaths.)

• Nowfeelyourbodybreathebothinandout—breathinginforyourselfandoutfortheother.“Informe,outforyou.”“Oneforme,oneforyou.”

• Ifyoulike,youcanletawordrideoneachinbreathandoutbreath,suchas“compassion.”“warmth,”“comfort,” “tenderness,” or “love.” Or you can imagine inhaling and exhaling warmth or light.Continueinhalingsomethinggoodforyourselfandexhalingsomethinggoodfortheother.

• If you find that you, or the other person, needsextra compassion, focus again on the in- or out-breath,asneeded.

• Gentlyopenyoureyes.

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SOFTEN-SOOTHE-ALLOW

Thereare3componentstothisexercise:(1)labelingemotions,(2)mindfulnessofemotioninthebody,and(3)soften-soothe-allow.Thisexerciseispresentedbelowasameditativepracticetodevelopfamiliaritywiththecomponents.However,itisaninformalpracticethatisdesignedtobeappliedon-the-spotindailyliferatherthanasameditation,andtheindividualcomponentscanbepracticedindividuallyorincombination.

• Placeyourhandonyourheart,oranothersoothingplace,forafewmomentstoremindyourselfthatyouareintheroom,andthatyou,too,areworthyofkindness.

• Letyourselfrecallamildtomoderatelydifficultsituationthatyouareinrightnow,perhapsahealthproblem,stressinarelationship,oralovedoneinpain.Donotchooseaverydifficultproblem,oratrivialproblem—chooseaproblemthatcangeneratealittlestressinyourbodywhenyouthinkofit.

• Clearlyvisualizethesituation.Whowasthere?Whatwassaid?Whathappened?

LabelingEmotions

• Nowthatyou’rethinkingaboutthissituation,seeingifyoucannamethedifferentemotionsthatarisewithinyou:

o Anger?

o Sadness?

o Grief?

o Confusion?

o Fear?

o Longing?

o Despair?

o Shame?

• Nowseeingifyoucannamethestrongestemotion—adifficultemotion—associatedwiththatsituation.

• Repeatingthenameoftheemotiontoyourselfinagentle,understandingvoice,asifyouwerevalidatingforafriendwhatheorsheisfeeling:“That’slonging.”“That’sgrief.”

MindfulnessofEmotionintheBody

• Nowexpandingyourawarenesstoyourbodyasawhole.

• Recallingthedifficultsituationagainandscanyourbodyforwhereyoufeelitmosteasily.Inyourmind’seye,sweepingyourbodyfromheadtotoe,stoppingwhereyoucansensealittletensionordiscomfort.

• Nowpleasechooseasinglelocationinyourbodywherethefeelingexpressesitselfmoststrongly,perhapsasapointofmuscletension,anachyfeeling,oraheartache.

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SOFTEN-SOOTHE-ALLOW• Inyourmind,inclininggentlytowardthatspot.

Soften-Soothe-Allow

• Now,softeningintothatlocationinyourbody.Lettingthemusclessoften,lettingthemrelax,asifinwarmwater.Softening…softening…softening…Rememberthatwe’renottryingtochangethefeeling—we’rejustholdingitinatenderway.

• Ifyouwish,justsofteningalittlearoundtheedges.

• Now,soothingyourselfbecauseofthisdifficultsituation.

• Ifyouwish,placingyourhandoverthepartofyourbodythatfeelsuncomfortableandjustfeelingthewarmthandgentletouchofyourhand.Perhapsimaginingwarmthandkindnessflowingthroughyourhandintoyourbody.Maybeeventhinkingofyourbodyasifitwerethebodyofabelovedchild.Soothing…soothing…soothing.

• Andaretheresomecomfortingwordsthatyoumightneedtohear?Ifso,imagineyouhadafriendwhowasstrugglinginthesameway.Whatwouldyousaytoyourfriend?(“I’msosorryyoufeelthisway.”“Icaredeeplyaboutyou.”)

• Canyouofferyourselfasimilarmessage?(“Oh,it’ssohardtofeelthis.”“MayIbekindtomyself.”

• Ifyouneed,feelfreetoopenyoureyeswheneveryouwish,orletgooftheexerciseandjustfeelyourbreath.

• Finally,allowingthediscomforttobethere.Makingroomforit,releasingtheneedtomakeitgoaway.

• Andallowingyourselftobejustasyouare,justlikethis,ifonlyforthismoment.

• Softening…soothing…allowing.Softening…soothing…allowing.

• Nowlettinggoofthepracticeandallowingyourselftobeexactlyasyouareinthismoment.

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COMPASSIONWITHEQUANIMITYThisexerciseisintendedforuseinactualcaregivingsituations.Itisawayofbeingcompassionatewithourselveswhilemaintainingconnectiontoothers.ItcombinestheGivingandReceivingCompassionmeditationwithphrasesthatcultivateequanimity.Equanimityisbalancedawarenessinthemidstofpleasantorunpleasantemotions.

• Pleasefindacomfortablepositionandtakeafewdeepbreathstosettleintoyourbodyandintothepresentmoment.Youmightliketoputyourhandoveryourheart,orwhereveritiscomfortingandsoothing,asaremindertobringaffectionateawarenesstoyourexperienceandtoyourself.

• Bringtomindsomeoneyouarecaringforwhoisexhaustingyouorfrustratingyou—someonewhomyoucareaboutwhoissuffering.Visualizethepersonandthecaregivingsituationclearlyinyourmind,andfeelthestruggleinyourownbody.

• Nowpleaselistencarefullytothesewords,lettingthemgentlyrollthroughyourmind:

Everyoneisonhisorherownlifejourney.Iamnotthecauseofthisperson’ssuffering,

norisitentirelywithinmypowertomakeitgoaway,evenifIwishIcould

Momentslikethisaredifficulttobear,yetImaystilltrytohelpifIcan.

• Awareofthestressyouarecarryinginyourbody,inhalingfullyanddeeply,drawingcompassioninsideyourbodyandfillingeverycellofyourbodywithcompassion.Lettingyourselfbesoothedbyinhalingdeeply,andbygivingyourselfthecompassionyouneed.

• Asyouexhale,sendingoutcompassiontothepersonwhoisassociatedwithyourdiscomfort,ortoothersingeneral.

• Continuebreathingcompassioninandout,allowingyourbodytograduallyfindanaturalbreathingrhythm—lettingyourbodybreatheitself.

• “Oneforme,oneforyou.”“Informe,outforyou.”

• Occasionallyscanningyourinnerlandscapeforanydistressandrespondingbyinhalingcompassionforyourselfandexhalingcompassionforothers.

• Ifyoufindthatanyoneneedsextracompassion,directingyourbreathinthatdirection.

• Noticinghowyourbodyiscaressedfromtheinsideasyoubreathe.

• Lettingyourselffloatonanoceanofcompassion—alimitlessoceanthatembracesallsuffering.

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COMPASSIONWITHEQUANIMITY

• Andlisteningtothesewordsonceagain:

Everyoneisonhisorherownlifejourney.Iamnotthecauseofthisperson’ssuffering,

norisitentirelywithinmypowertomakeitgoaway,evenifIwishIcould

Momentslikethisaredifficulttobear,yetImaystilltrytohelpifIcan.

• Nowlettinggoofthepracticeandallowingyourselftobeexactlyasyouareinthismoment.

• Gentlyopenyoureyes.

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RESOURCES Weblinks Center for Mindful Self-Compassion www.CenterForMSC.org University of California, San Diego Mindfulness-Based Professional Training Institute http://mbpti.org/msc-mindful-self-compassion-teacher-training Kristin Neff www.Self-Compassion.org Chris Germer www.MindfulSelfCompassion.org Books and Audio: Germer, C. K. (2009). The mindful path to self-compassion. New York: Guilford Press. Gilbert, P. (2009). The compassionate mind. London: Constable. Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. New York: William Morrow. Neff, K. D. (2013). Self-compassion step by step. Sounds True. (6 hr. audio training.) Poems John Austin: Awareness

Naomi Shihab Nye: Kindness

Mary Oliver: The Journey

Danna Faulds: Allow

Derek Walcott: Love after Love

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Videos Moments: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNVPalNZD_I

The Fly: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSsAEWkmBFU

Twin Boys Talking: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JmA2ClUvUY

Empathy Fatigue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khjPsVG-6QA