Twenty-three-year-old Anya Alvarez was hookinguI~with aJ2gtential new

BF whenhe pulled a move so ho~gthat she's d~tennined

to make it illegal. As told to Ji Hyun Lee

second date with Eric", were heating up. We'd

night at a pub near the ity of Washington, where I

Eric, clean-cut with , attended the same

During the next hour or so, having fun and knew we

istry. Eventually, we back to his apartment. there, it was clear that our

would happen. I asked put on a condom, and he

one and rolled it on in front I always wore my NuvaRing,

extra protection. m ind at ease, I was able to

enjoy the action. Then I opened my eyes and glanced down...and saw my NuvaRing on the floor.

How weird, I recall thinking. I assumed it had fallen out, and I pushed Eric's body away to retrieve it. I asked him ifhe had realized it was on the floor, and that's when I noticed he wasn'twearing his condom. I looked at him, puzzled.

"I took out your NuvaRing," he said bluntly. He also copped to whipping offhis condom while my eyes were closed.

"Excuse me?" I replied, stunned. He didn't answer. I'm pretty outspo­ken, but this left me speechless. I should have asked him why he did it, but at the time, I felt so creeped out. I just wanted to get away from him, so I put on my clothes and left.

SHOCKED AND VIOLATED Back at my apartment, I felt anger, embarrassment, and powerless­ness. I'd always been take-charge

when it came to sex. I was careful about unwanted pregnancies and STDs, which is why I insisted a guy wear a condom even though I always used my NuvaRing. How could I not have noticed in the moment? I felt so humiliated and used.

Days later, I sent him an e-mail telling him how angry I was. His response: "It's not that big a deal. I've done it before to other girls. You won't get pregnant."

I tried to wrap my head around why he did it. I'd heard ofwomen having unsafe sex to trap guys into fatherhood, but Eric didn't want me to get pregnant-itwas like he got off on the risks ofunsafe sex plus the fact that I was clueless about it. Maybe he didn't like the feel of the condom. Whatever the reason, he put me and other women he'd done this to in danger.

The following week, I went to my campus health center and got tested for a range ofSTDs. I also took a pregnancy test. Luckily, I was negative on all fronts.

Physically, I was fine, but emotionally, I was still rattled. I talked to my girlfriends about what

had happened; they too were horri­fied. I contacted an attorney, a family friend, to see ifI could take legal action. I'd agreed to safe sex, not unprotected sex. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like this was a form ofassault or fraud that shouldn't go unpunished.

The attorney said that because I did consent, I couldn't press charges. If I'd gotten an STD or pregnant, then I might have a case against him for negligence. But there is no law against what he said was called birth-control sabotage. There should be, I thought.

NOT AN SOLATED CASE

A few weeks later, I chronicled my experiences on a Facebookpage. I couldn't be the only person this has happened to...and I wasn't. I received dozens of responses from women whose partner also secretly removed the condom or other birth control they were using. I even got messages from men who agreed that this was really screwed up.

Starting a dialogue was a turning point. After graduation, I began writing about birth-control sabotage, making the case that it's a violation similar to sexual assault, and guys who do it put a woman's health at risk. It's been two years since that night with Eric, and since then, there has been an uptick in advocacy groups spreading the word. I'm not sure when, but I'm hopeful that soon legislators will realize just how dangerous it is. •

'Name has been changed.

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June 2012 I COSMOPOLITAN 187