Bradley Hello ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Lindsay Lohan School for Girls, and thank you for joining us in our 3rd tri-annual Musical Theatre Showcase. Im the schools music teacher, Mr. Berklich. Id appreciate it if everyone would turn of their cell phones and i-poodles. If theres ones thing I cant stand at this school, its how gung-ho everyone is with their technology. I can barely get a word in edgewise with all the smartphones buzzing. Im looking at you, sir. Miss Lawler?

Clare - Thank you. Im Miss Lawler, the Drama instructor here at LLSG. I ruun a very tight ship here, so please let me know if you dont find any of the performances entertaining, and Ill be sure to give the girls detention. I am very strict, because in college I had very strict teachers. Im very glad to be running todays show with my good friend Mr. Berklich. I really hate all the students. (gasps and covers mouth) Did I say that out loud?

Bradley Well. I guess its time to get started. Girls!!! Come on out!

Everyone except Taya runs onto the stage.

Clare Is that everyone?

Girls Yes!

Bradley Wait, we did have on last minute sign-up. Taya get out here!

Taya steps onto stage. All the girls run to one side of the stage. Taya takes one giant step towars them, and they all cower and shake in fear.

Clare Hello Taya. Im Miss Lawler.

Taya Boo.

Clare screams and joins the other girls.

Bradley All right, all right. Everybody calm down. Lets get started. Why dont you all introduce yourselves and show us whatcha got! Miss Lawler, will you get us started?

Clare Musical Theatre has been around for a long time and well be doing songs in chronological order throughout history. On the forefront of musical theatre were Gilbert and Sullivan, and their light operas paved the way for the modern musicals we all love. Heres a hilarious song they wrote about a bird committing suicide!

Olivia Im Olivia, As you can tell, I am OBSESSED with animals. Like my 3 dogs, 2 cats, 6 hamsters, 2 snakes, 1 pony and 300 goldfish. My psychiatrist told me I might have a bit of a problem, so I fired him. Why do I love animals so much? Well when I was three I begged my parents to get me a goldfish. His name was Bob. Well one day he was floating upside down. I cried and cried, and then next day there were 3 goldfish in my tank! I named them Bob 2, Bob Jr. and Bob Sr. Every time one of them died my parents go me three or four new pets so I wouldnt be sad. Arent they great?? But my favorite of all is my cat. Ive even modified my song to tell you about it!

Bradley Olivia. I dont appreciate you changing the words in your assigned song.

Brooke I think she did the right thing. That the best thing about live theatre! You can do whatever you want!!!

Susanna Hi! Im Susanna. I love talking to my friends and Im always in a happy mood! Im practically the smartest girl in school, even though I get bad grades. Last week I heard a teacher saying he was sorry for me because I was something like, up the creek without a saddle. Well you dont even need saddles in a creek, because horses cant even really swim. I know because I tried it with my grandmas horse. And that horse definitely couldnt swim. You could say he was up a creek without a saddle. (laughs hysterically) Have you ever heard that before? I just made it up! I love being so happy and ignorant!

Chloe Walner Im Chloe, and everyone in my family is a dork, and I consider that a compliment. Even my great great great grandpa Dorkman. Im a band dork. I guess that makes people think Im weird. Just because I play the flute, the oboe, the clarinet, the bassoon, the trumpet, the didgeridoo. I literally grew up in instruments. No joke. I spent most of my infancy sleeping in the bell of a sousaphone. My mom and I are both band dorks and proud.

Emily And my dad and me are the better kind of dorks. Gamer dorks!! Im Emily and I am obsessed with minecraft and Mario Kart and every other video game. I make fun of my sister because shes the bad kind of dork. A band dork. And she makes fun of me, I guess because Im the awesome kind of dork. A gamer dork. My dad says if you spend too much time learning instruments your brain will EXPLODE!! My mom says that playing video games rots your brain, but I know its secretly because she lost to my dad in a Pong tournament when they were dating.

Chloe Yeah, but my mom beat out my dad for the first chair saxophone spot in college. They mustve had a lot of tension back then.

Emily Yeah. But they made it work! Yet for some reason, the boys never seem to want to talk to us. They always want to date Alisa. What do they see in her??

Sarah My name is Sarah. I have an IQ of 132. Much higher than yours (points to an audience member) I presume. My parents are both librarians, so Ive read about every book there is. I have no problem sharing all my knowledge with anyone who walks by. All the girls love it when I share fun facts, right girls?

Girls Umm..yeah, sure etc.

Sarah For Example, did you know that Miley Cyrus was kicked out of her private boarding school as a girl for teaching the other girls what French kissing was? See. Im very smart. There are so many great things in this world, and I love talking about them all!!

Taya Im Taya.

Everyone Screams.

Taya Im a tough kid. Im a loner. I beat people up. For fun. Im always in trouble and I live in detention. Thats why I picked this song for my assignment because it shows off my personality so well.

Bradley Great! Well Id like to take this opportunity to try and convince everyone to sign up for band next semester. Its going to be a blast. With all eleven of you girls, Ill only need 65 more musicians to achieve my life long dream!

Sophia - Hi, Im Sophia, Alisas sister. You might know me Sophia Black because I love, love, love the color black! Ew. why did I just say love so many times? Gross Im turning into my sister. Well anyways, I dont have any friends. Everyone at this school is so weird. They are always so happy! Alisa and her friends are always laughing at everything, and I hate it! Its just life people. Chilax! Oh great. Thats another one of her words Relax. I meant relax!! Happy, laughing people make me so sad. Misery is the true happiness. I dont even want people to like me. Well, usually.

Brooke Hello. Im Brooke. Im currently single. (Pause) And looking to mingle. (Pause) I want a boyfriend! (The next sentence is done in one breath.) I almost had a boyfriend once, and I think he really liked me, and I think he was going to give me a present, but then Alyssa found out and told Chloe to go kiss him in the mall, and I saw them and then I lit his bike on fire. Ever since then its been hard to find any boy who might be interested. But I will! Its a totally reasonable reaction to set a boys bike on fire. I just did it for love!

Chloe Whalen First of all, this class is stupid, and I dont even want to do this. But I have to. Well heres stuff about me. Im rich. My grand daddy invented the breakfast burrito or something stupid, so obviously Im like swimming in money. My friends? Dont even get me started about Alisa. Shes the most popular girl at school and that means I like her the best. Dont tell anyone, but I snuck into her house and wrote down all the clothes she owned so I could go out and buy them all myself. I want to be just like her!! Alisa Hi! Im Alisa, and my reputation precedes me. Do you like make-up and shopping and gossiping? If not, then get away from me or Ill make your life miserable. My friends do pretty much whatever I want. Chloe, who practically does everything I say never even gets mad at me for saying mean things to her, like how stupid her top looks. (waves to Chloe) One time she even let me cut off most of her hair because it was starting to look prettier than mine. Everyone in school compliments me on everything.

Chloe Alisa! Hi! Wanna hang out later! Dont you like my top?? I thought maybe I could change my name to Alisa when I turn 18!

Alisa Sometimes it gets kind of old.

Katherine Im Katherine. But Im sure you already knew that. Im hilarious!!!! (waits and looks around at the audience for an awkwardly long period of time). Ummmm.. look at me! (Does a cartwheel or something.) I dont know why I like showing off so much. (With a huge smile) maybe its because no one pays any attention to me at home!!! Someday Im going to be a stand-up comedian slash clown slash President of the United States! Ehhh. Nevermind. That last one seems like a lot of work. People tell me I need to calm down and stop getting into trouble, but I dont even think Im that bad!

Bradley Thanks you so much for coming tonight. Well be back again tomorrow night to perform this same show over and over again as we have every night for the last 35 years.

Katherine Wait! I cant do this anymore!

All girls Yeah me too etc..

Katherine We havent even done any songs that we written after the 1970s! There are so many other great songs written in the last 30 years. The modern age of Musical Theatre!!

Alissa - Something has changed within me, Something is not the same Olivia - I'm through with playing by the rules Of someone else's game.Taya - Too late for second-guessing. Too late to go back to sleepIt's time to trust my instincts. Close my eyes and leap!

Susanna - I think I'll try defying gravityChloe Whalen - Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravitySusanna and Chloe - And you won't bring me down

Clare - I'm through accepting limits 'Cuz someone says they're soEmily - Some things I cannot change But till I try, I'll never know!Sophia - Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lostBrooke -Well, if that's love, It comes at much too high a cost!

Sarah - I'd sooner buy Defying gravityKatherine - Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravitySarah and Katherine - And you won't bring me down

Bradley Let it Go, Let it Go. I cant hold back any more.

Everyone turns and looks at him.

Chloe Walner And nobody in all of oz, no wizard that there is or was.

Everyone Is ever gonna bring me down. Ah ah ah!!!!!