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9THE AGEMONDAY, APRIL 2, 2012

theage.com.au/opinion/the-zone

Last week’s guest, former primeminister Malcolm Fraser, argued thatour current political leaders are adisgrace for demonising asylumseekers, patronising indigenouspeople and failing to promoteAustralia’s independence in ourregion. He also argued we’d get betterpublic policies were people withexperience, independence andprinciple to enter Parliament, ratherthan apparatchiks. Below areexcerpts of his live chat session.

ONLINEThe full session is at theage.com.au/opinion/the-zone

■ While I admire Fraser coming out in his retirement and itall sounds good, there is surely a bigger picture to be toldof who is behind most of the suffering in this world. Frasershould be in a position to know the answer to that, as it isthe rich and powerful, and no, not just Rinehart or Palmer.Come on, Malcolm, blow that whistle and herald thetrumpets, otherwise it is just more tail chasing. Still, creditwhere it is due in the narrower sense. Peter G, NSWMALCOLM FRASER’S RESPONSE: One of the great chal-lenges of democracy, a challenge which it has not meteffectively, is to stop too much power going to the rich andthe powerful. It is an issue which has corroded Americanpolitics and we are following on the same track.■ Malcolm Fraser is saying what many of us have beenthinking for years. The party system of politics is now failingto represent the needs and wishes of the people. TheAmerican alliance, the cornerstone of our foreign policyhas long since ceased to serve our interests. To continuewith it will lead us only into future wars of no benefit at allto us. No party has the guts to dump it. What this countryneeds is a parliament composed entirely of independents.

Bob32, MelbourneMF: A parliament of independents is unlikely. What needsto happen is to break the power of the party machines,destroy their control over preselection process. I wouldintroduce a primary system for the selection of candidates.For a federal election if a political party wanted to field acandidate in a seat, it would need to have 5000 membersvoting. At least it would break the power of the factionsand more independent people would be elected.■ What a refreshing article to read (but sad at the sametime). If (and it’s a big IF) the general media in Australiacould bring itself to be non-party, non-political, non-selfinterested etc and start telling the Australian public thecomplete TRUTH about policies being debated and passedin the Fed. Parliament, things would improve. Correctlyinformed voters will be able to make better judgmentswhen voting in elections. Fred of Currimundi■ Agree. Our media serves us very ill indeed. They arefocused exclusively on the trivial, especially the trivial thatsmears one side and lauds the other. It is way beyondchildish, for most children have a clearer sense of fairness.

kavik, ballinaMF: The quality of the Australian press has fallen greatly.There used to be six or seven proprietors, now one or twoand one is foreign owned. We need more ways of gettinginformation out; new media, the internet can play a rolebut they do not yet have the influence that is needed. Iwould like to see truth being publicised about all policiesbut people probably have no more confidence in news-papers than they do in politicians.■ What I would like to know is why Malcolm Fraser held theright-wing policies he did when he was prime minister. Hashe actually changed or was he constrained by his partyand/or other vested interests? wotnext■ He grew up. It is also apparent that if you were to insertthe old Fraser into Australian politics right now, he wouldmake the current crop (other than the Greens) all lookright-wing and uncompassionate. Fraser is right that mostAustralians are not racist . . . Whether there are 1000 or5000 boat arrivals is, for rational people, trivial in compar-ison to what our broader economic, environmental, andsocial policies are. But to stupid racist people, it becomesall-important. Luke, MelbourneMF: My right-wing reputation began after the downfall ofthe Gorton government. In the days of the Cold War whenthe Soviet Union was outward-looking and aggressive, I feltthe West needed to show a strong and united front. Sincethe Cold War ended, it is different. As prime minister, Iopposed apartheid, I supported land rights for Aboriginals,the Human Rights Commission was established, theOmbudsman and the Administrative Appeals Tribunal wereworking effectively, the first freedom of information waspassed, the Galbally Report on post-arrival services formigrants was established and our policy in relation torefugees was humanitarian and generous. My governmentalso passed the first legislation providing family allow-ances directly to mothers for support of their children. Idon’t believe my policies in these areas were right-wing.

Let’s talk

Communication has become a crumblingart in this high-tech age, but change couldbe on the cards, writes Michael Short.

Teacher, innovator, nurse, mother Louise HowlandRelationships flounder and life is poorer when we fail to communicate properlyLearn, practise and cherish the art of conversation

LINKStaoc.com.au/taoc.aspxfacebook.com/the.art.of.conversation?sk=app_128953167177144youtube.com/watch?v=LxZ_afzFJ1A

‘It is not about winning,but aboutcommunicating.’

The Zone is about activism and advocacy. It is collaborative. Its purpose is to ventilate arguments for moving an issue

or situation from what is the case to what might be or ought to be the case. Across a broad range of areas

including public policy, philanthropy, philosophy, culture, community, design and business, The Zone seeks to bring

fresh thoughts into the free market for ideas. MICHAEL SHORT

Th Z e is about ato

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The Zone is abouIts purpose is

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TWITTER twitter.com/shortmsgsEMAIL mshort@theage.com.auONLINE Go to The Zone’s online home — theage.com.au/opinion/the-zone — for an edited video and full transcript ofthe interview.FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/michael.j.shortLINKEDIN: http://au.linkedin.com/in/michaeljshortCHAT Louise Howland will be online for an hour from noontoday.NEXT WEEK Entrepreneur and engineer Ernest Rodeck reflectson a long lifetime of experience.

PICTURE: SIMON O’DWYER

PERHAPS the most reliableroute to meaning and joy, toplunging below the surfaceand seeking more than thesuperficiality of materialambition, is connection with

people, places, ideas and issues. Of these,the most important are people and rela-tionships. And the most reliable route torelationships is conversation.

It is said the least stimulating peopletend to speak most about other people.More interesting are those who discussevents. Most engaging are those whofocus on ideas and concepts. Conversa-tion is an art, natural in some, acquiredin others, but ultimately available to all.The main thing, though, is to actuallyhave a go at connecting verbally, atspeaking thoughtfully and listeningattentively.

This art has been distilled into a mar-vellous resource that is helping families,individuals and educators lead richerlives. Louise Howland and her friend of30 years, ’70s glam rock legend KeithLamb, have created a thing called The Artof Conversation (TAOC). It comes in theform of a boxed set of cards and a guide-book. There are several versions, some ofwhich are now available as applicationsfor smartphones and tablet computers,covering a range of topics.

It is inadequate to describe TAOC as agame, as Howland explains in our inter-view, the full transcript of which, as wellas a short video, is at theage.com.au/opinion/the-zone. ‘‘It’s a gift if it’s in a giftshop. It’s a book if it’s in a bookshop. It’sa game if it’s in a toy shop. If it’s ineducation or health or corporate, it’s aresource.’’

TAOC’s genesis was a personal needidentified by Lamb, a songwriter andsinger who fronted a glittering, raunchyband called Hush. ‘‘He breathed fairly

rarified air for a while there,’’ Howlandsays. ‘‘But when that slowed down, hefound it a little difficult to get in touchwith the rest of the world, because he wasused to being interviewed or fawned over,complimented, but not really connectingin a real way.

‘‘So one day he came to me and hesaid: ‘It’s a game, but it’s not a quiz andit’s called TAOC, The Art of Conversation,and it’s going to help me connect withpeople again. Now you do the rest.’ Themore I thought about it, the more Ithought it was a fantastic concept.’’

Many seem to agree with Howland.Hundreds of thousands of copies havebeen sold, with the all-ages and children’sversions proving the most popular.

Howland and Lamb developed theidea back in the 1980s, and HarperCollinswanted to publish it as a book, but theretail price was going to be too high. Sothey changed it to the card format, and in2006 the first one, an all-ages general ver-sion, came out. Several other versionshave been developed, covering food,young people’s topics, literature, traveland the philosophy of religion. Somehave been translated into a few otherlanguages, and the all-ages and children’sversions are the ones out as apps.

TAOC is not at all like the competitivegame Trivial Pursuit. It is not aboutwinning, but about communicating.

So how is TAOC actually used? Likemany great ideas, it’s simple. It is a seriesof questions that people sit down and askeach other. It starts discussions. Thekitchen table is the perfect setting.

‘‘Communication and relationships iseverything and the breakdown of that iswhat has led to a lot of tragic things inour current society — homelessness andmarriage breakdown, even early schooldropouts, substance abuse. Things comeabout because there is no communica-tion, or poor communication; and peopledon’t feel heard, they don’t feel under-stood,’’ Howland says. ‘‘If you understandwhy somebody is behaving the way theydo, you’re more likely to be sympathetic.And that understanding really only comesfrom talking and perhaps even, moreimportantly, listening.

‘‘Let’s hear from some of the quietpeople — and as a talker, it can be niceto sit back and take a break. So one of mypieces of, for want of a better word,advice is to say if you’re a talker, nexttime you are in a group have a practice atbeing a listener, and if you are a quietperson, have a go at talking.’’

TAOC may have started as a resourcefor families, but it soon became evident ithad value in other settings. Schools use itto promote general language and socialskills. They also use it to buttress Englishas a Second Language programs and tocombat bullying.

‘‘It’s being used in anti-bullying and inmentoring courses because if you under-stand why somebody is doing something

and if you have got a genuine relationshipthen you are less likely to bully . . .’’Howland says

‘‘It’s also being used in some giftedchildren’s programs because giftedchildren often are fantastic at talking andthey will give you a couple of hours onrailway line gauges or specific doorknobsor the Kennedy assassination etc.

‘‘But if these gifted children are goingto fit into workplaces they need socialskills and communications skills andthey need to know when to be quietand turn to another person and get theirperspective.’’

Howland cites a US survey of highachievers that found the only commondenominator was they had all spent a lotof time having conversations around thefamily dinner table.

She has a deeply personal and pro-found motivation for her championing ofgenuine communication. Some years ago,she and her husband adopted a daughterfrom India.

‘‘Before she came I thought about howI wanted our family to be and I decidedthat I really wanted to make sure thatwe were open with each other andknew as much as we possibly could abouteach other, so that we really shared.

‘‘And this is why it amazes me that we

don’t formally teach children communi-cation skills, because out of everything inlife, probably the main thing for a satisfy-ing and fulfilling life is the relationshipsthat you have and what sort of fulfilmentyou give and you get. Yet we kind of leavethat to chance.’’

TAOC provides families with a chanceto get along better. In some cases, it hassaved families. Howland recounts the taleof a woman poised to quit her home, soweary and demoralised was she by thefailure of her husband and three sons totalk of anything but sport. This desperatewife and mother introduced TAOC to thefamily, sparking such a range of discus-sions she decided to stay.

‘‘She talked about what candidnessand understanding it had brought aboutin their family.’’

The rate and level of conversation inmany families has been shackled bytechnology. Screens can be great, and dofacilitate many wonderful things, but theydo not promote conversation. In so manyhomes, it is not uncommon to find eachmember of the family interacting with ascreen, rather than each other. TAOCcan help moderate this and restore somebalance.

‘‘The techno, always-connected com-munication is great in itself and for itspurpose, and I use it too . . . but whetherit is deep enough to keep relationshipstogether and to maintain the lines ofreally solid relationships between friendsand families, I don’t know. In these mediayou can really be whoever you want to be.The veneer is very thin.’’

TAOC might just also be able to helppeople get through some of those familygatherings that can be awkward — andsometimes catastrophic.

‘‘TAOC crosses the generations. Christ-mas is a great time to see that, becauseyou get all the generations together andall the dysfunctional family memberscome together and they want to have agood time, but it just doesn’t alwayshappen, does it?, which is sad.’’