[ xv ]

M I N D S I N M A N Y P I E C E S

[ S P E C I M E N S F R O M T H E B O O K ]

[ iii ]

M I N D S I N M A N Y P I E C E S

Revealing the Spiritual Side

of Multiple Personality Disorder

by Ralph Allison, M.D.

with Ted Schwarz

f v

,

[ iv ]

Publisher’s Cataloging-in-Publication(Provided by Quality Books, Inc.)

Allison, Ralph.Minds in many pieces : revealing the spiritual

side of multiple personality disorder / by RalphAllison ; with Ted Schwartz. -- 2nd ed.

p. cm.Includes bibliographical references.LCCN: 98-96785ISBN: 0-9668949-0-1

1. Multiple personality--Case studies.2. Allison, Ralph. I. Title.

RC569.5.M8A44 1999 616.89'0092QBI99-65

Copyright © ,

by Ralph Allison, M.D., and Ted Schwarz

All rights reserved

First published in

by Rawson, Wade Publishers, Inc., New York, as

Minds in Many Pieces: The Making of a Very Special Doctor

To protect their privacy,

the names of all patients

mentioned in this book

have been changed.

Published by

CIE PublishingP. O. Box · Los Osos, California ‒

Telephone & Fax [] ‒

E-mail: c ie@dissoc ia t ion .com

: d i s soc ia t ion .com

[ v ]

To my grandchildren,

Gregory Marsh, Beth Maiman,

Kendra Marsh, & Adam Maiman;

& to all those dissociated patients

who taught me so much

[ vii ]

Introduction page ix

Preface to the Second Edition xi

The Molding of a Psychiatrist

Janette, Who Chose to Live

Carrie, Who Chose to Die

My Search for the Inner Workings of the Mind

The Inner Self Helper & The Multiple Mind

The Endless Depths of the Mind

Discovering the Male Multiple Personality

Possession & the Spirit World

The Integration Process

Afterword : Fifteen Years Later

Bibliography

[ ix ]

to be invited to write this introduction to thesecond edition of Minds in Many Pieces by Ralph Allison, M.D. I have knownRalph since , when we began our correspondence about DissociativeIdentity Disorder (formerly Multiple Personality Disorder, or MPD). Shortlyafter we began corresponding, Dr. Allison published two letters that I hadwritten on MPD in the first newsletter on MPD, Memos on Multiplicity,of which he was the editor (–). He then invited me to present at thefirst American Psychiatric Association Workshop on MPD in . In thosedays, anyone who had treated one case of MPD was an expert. Thus be-gan a long association with a man who is a pioneer in the modern treat-ment of MPD. Of course, the late Dr. Cornelia Wilbur, Sybil’s therapist,was the other pioneer.

Dr. Wilbur organized an American Psychiatric Association panel dis-cussion on MPD, which Dr. Allison moderated, in , at Toronto, Canada.The following year, Dr. Allison started a tradition of giving workshops onthe diagnosis and treatment of MPD at the American Psychiatric Associa-tion. This tradition continues to the present time, although under differ-ent leadership.

Dr. Allison’s seminal paper, “A New Treatment Approach for MultiplePersonalities,”published in the American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis in, provided a foundation for subsequent treatment. Another founda-tional paper,“Psychotherapy of Multiple Personality,”written in , an-ticipated many of the subsequently published studies on symptomatol-ogy, characteristics of alter-personality states, and etiology of MPD. Noother clinician had amassed a database of MPD patients by .

After his initial series of important papers, Dr. Allison continued to bea man of firsts. He formulated the concept of the “Inner Self Helper”[Chapter ], whereby the patient became an instrument in her recoveryfrom MPD. He described the first male multiple in modern times [Chap-ter ]. He dealt with hostile professional colleagues long before anyonehad heard of utilization review or managed care. He wrote the first paper

[ x ]

on the forensic aspects of MPD and still has written more on this issuethan any other expert on MPD. His examination of Kenneth Bianchi,who plea bargained in the notorious Hillside Strangler murders, led us torecognize the possibility that MPD could be malingered in order to avoidcriminal responsibility. His finding that % of his patients had integratedtheir personality system after an average of . months of treatment wasthe first attempt at follow up of a series of MPD patients. His findings onthe California Psychological Inventory of patients was the first attemptto do psychological testing on a group of MPD patients. In short, hispioneering work on MPD undoubtedly served as a template upon whichthe American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual ofMental Disorders (rd edition of ) description of MPD was written.Sadly, one of his patients, Carrie [see Chapter ], was the first reportedperson with MPD who committed suicide.

If one thing characterizes Dr. Allison’s career, it is courage. He had thecourage to talk about his patients’ perceiving that they were possessed byevil spirits while other psychiatric professionals were quaking in their pro-verbial boots. He had the courage to stand up to his professional peerswhen they threatened to throw him off of a hospital staff because hedared use unconventional therapy techniques such as hypnosis, now amajor instrument of cure for many persons with MPD. He had the cour-age to change his mind about Kenneth Bianchi’s diagnosis when he be-came certain that Bianchi was faking his illness. He continues to speakwith courage and conviction whenever his professional colleagues botherto listen.

As I said in the beginning of this preface, it truly is a honor to write thisintroduction to the second edition to Minds in Many Pieces. It is the workof a compassionate clinician as well as a pioneer who wrote this firstmodern text on the treatment of MPD.

Philip M. Coons, M.D.Psychiatry DepartmentIndiana University School of Medicine

[ xi ]

, which consisted of the first ninechapters of this second edition, was written by Ted Schwarz and me re-garding my experiences in private practice of psychiatry in Santa Cruz, Cali-fornia, between and . Dr. Cornelia Wilbur, psychoanalyst of Sybil,was known in the field of Multiple Personality Disorder as the Grandmotherof this area of interest. She has now died, and by my professional associa-tion with her and my long experience, I feel like the Grandfather of thisfield. There are now many Fathers and Mothers who came to maturity adecade after I entered private practice. The first nine chapters tell the storyof how I first met and dealt with a surprising number of dissociated pa-tients who found their way into my private office.

In , I left private practice to work in the Yolo County Mental HealthClinic for the next three years. I lived in Davis, California, where my onlyprivate psychiatric practice was evaluating defendants for lawyers andcourts. It was during that period that I was called to Bellingham, Wash-ington, to evaluate Kenneth Bianchi, who was subsequently convicted ofbeing one of the Los Angeles Hillside Stranglers. That case is still thesubject of controversy among those of us who were involved.

In , I moved to San Luis Obispo County, where I worked as staffpsychiatrist in the local medium-security prison. In , I retired fromstate service and decided to return to writing and teaching. I wrote thetenth chapter to this edition in , trying to tie up some loose ends andgive those new to the field the benefit of my more years of experiencesince leaving Santa Cruz. In , this revised edition was translated intoJapanese and published in Tokyo by Sakuhinsha publishing house.

This new edition is my attempt to give a new generation of therapiststhe full picture of what I have been through in this area since . I havebeen fortunate enough to have maintained contact with one of my ex-patients for years and another one for years. The knowledge I havegained from them has simply not been available to anyone else I know inthe field of psychiatry or psychology. In this area of psychopathology, it

[ xii ]

can take a very long time for some of these patients to tell anyone thecomplete truth.

The reader needs to know that Ted Schwarz and I organized the firstnine chapters around certain subjects, not around patients’ histories. Mostother nonprofessional books on this subject cover one patient with MPDor DID in detail — for example, Eve, Sybil, and Billy Milligan. We did not.In fact, in the case of two patients who were the most instructive, we usedparts of each one’s story in different chapters, identifying one person as ifshe were two separate patients.

In the added last chapter I make reference to concepts that I came tounderstand as the result of working with another patient with MPD whomI treated in Yolo County. Her story is not recorded here; however, it hasbeen prepared for publication separately.

For those in the mental health professions, I wish to make it clear inadvance that I use Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) throughout thisbook for the simple reason that I disagree with the official position that itcan be replaced by Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). I have not ac-cepted, and still do not accept, that change as logical or helpful to clini-cians. I continue to use MPD for those patients in whom the followingfour conditions are found to exist:

. They are Grade V hypnotizable — that is, in the top % of the popu-lation with regard to this trait;

. They were subjected to life-threatening trauma before the age ofseven;

. Their parents were polarized, with one seen as “good” and the otheras “bad.” But their two parents kept switching back and forth be-tween these two roles, meaning that the child came to believe res-cue from abuse was impossible; and

. If there were siblings, they were not abused. This child was some-how special to the abuser, and was the only one of the children soseverely mistreated.

I use DID as the proper label for those patients in the top 50% of hypno-tizability who dissociated and created an alter-personality for the first time

[ xiii ]

tizability who dissociated and created an alter-personality for the first timeafter the age of seven. The trauma need not have been life-threatening, butit was too much for a child of that maturity level to handle.

Only those with MPD, by my definition, have dissociated ISHs andfalse-front alter-personalities, with the Original Personality hidden awayin the mind until therapy succeeds. Those with DID, by my definition, donot have an ISH available for interview, and they have only one or twotrue alter-personalities, which come out when the Original Personality isstressed by a trigger emotion.

In retrospect, then, Carrie, featured in Chapter , did not have MPDwhen she came to me for therapy. Her original “other self ” was Wanda,who was created by her “emotional imagination” at the age of months,after her mother cut off her beautiful hair — her crowning glory. Wandawas used to hold the raging anger she felt toward her mother at that time.Wanda is what I now call an Internalized Imaginary Companion (IIC), avariety of the imaginary playmate many children create. Not until I toldCarrie, at age 22, that my diagnosis was MPD did she create a bona fiderescuer alter-personality, Debra. Carrie could not tolerate this emotionalshock and made her first alter-personality in response to my misdiagno-sis. Debra was truly an iatrogenic alter-personality, a result of my treat-ment approach. However, she saved Carrie’s life from numerous suicideattempts until the final one, which was due to her second husband’s de-sertion of her. This was more of a blow than even Debra could handle.

So the proper diagnosis of Carrie today would be DID in a womanwho already had several IICs. As a result, she had no Inner Self Helper toguide me in treatment, and my eventual plan for her personality integra-tion would not have worked with her.

In presenting her story today, I have left in all original references toalter-personalities, to preserve the historical perspective, since that is theway I was thinking at that time.

I trust this new edition of Minds In Many Pieces will help those who read itto understand this most intriguing area of human experience, and learnsomething useful to them.

[ i ]

M I N D S I N M A N Y P I E C E S

[ S P E C I M E N S F R O M T H E B O O K ]

[ 134 ]

minds in many p ieces

c h a p t e r v i

vvvvvvvvffffffff

T H E E N D L E S S D E P T H SO F T H E M I N D

ARRIE’S DEATH shocked me into realizing just what kindof internal struggle takes place within multiples. As I observed eachnew case, I realized that the persecutor alter-personality created to

handle rage was capable of extreme violence. My first objective, therefore,was to help the patient reach a point where the persecutor was no longerneeded.

As we have seen, the initial splitting usually occurs when the patient isoverwhelmed by circumstances beyond his or her control. It happens atan early age, and the creation of alter-personalities seems to be the patient’sonly escape route. However, in treatment, when the patient is shown analternative way to view the early problems, the need for alter-personalitiesis eliminated. The patient finds that expressing normal emotions is bothpossible and preferable. A woman tells her husband that she is upset whenhe comes home late for dinner, instead of letting her rage build up inside.She learns how to relax and enjoy normal recreation rather than hidingfrom the world until another alter-personality takes over and seeks thenightlife.

As patients learn to cope, the various alter-personalities integrate intoone. It is difficult to describe this integration scientifically because theexact mechanism is not yet understood.

There are three types of integration — positive, negative, and incom-plete — and three stages in a successful integration. In positive integration,all the positive alter-personalities integrate and all the persecutor alter-personalities are neutralized. In negative integration, the opposite processoccurs. Incomplete integration means that the patient retains one or morealter-personalities to maintain his or her social and/or psychological equi-librium.

134

C

the endless depths of the mind

[ 135 ]

For example, one multiple had a sexy, hostile alter-personality whowas created at fourteen years of age when the woman was seduced by apriest. Her trauma was intensified because the priest had long filled therole of father figure, confidant, and friend. His intense sexual feeling forher added to the shock of the situation.

The alter-personality had been formed as a defense mechanism.Thewoman created an alter-personality who became a harsh seducer of men,an entity who controlled men by using sex as a weapon against them.

Eventually, the woman came to me for treatment. During the earlystages of treatment, she learned that the priest who had seduced her haddied. Suddenly there was no reason for the sexy, hostile alter-personalityto exist because the priest had triggered her creation, and he was no longeralive. That alter-personality simply disappeared. This is an example ofincomplete integration.

Incomplete integration can also occur when the patient’s environmentis unstable. If a patient is having marital difficulties, problems with his orher family, a pressured job situation, or some other emotionally tryingexperience, he or she cannot sustain the effort necessary for a cure. It isvery difficult to face oneself through therapy, and few individuals canhandle both therapy and emotional turmoil at home. They manage tomaintain control, living with incomplete integration until they can createstability in their personal lives and effectively continue therapy.

Positive integration is always my goal, and this requires the neutraliza-tion of the persecutor alter-personalities. Such neutralization can con-ceivably take years, although many of my patients have been helped inless than two years, and one woman was integrated in a week. After inte-gration, only the original personality and the ISH remain. These two com-bine at a later period for the spiritual integration. The first, psychologicalintegration, creates a totally new person in many ways. Such a person hasto adjust to life all over again.

Most of my integrated patients changed their family situations. Di-vorce or long-term separation was common. Some changed their names,others changed their jobs. They felt as though they were new people andwere anxious to understand feelings and concepts most of us have taken

[ 136 ]

minds in many p ieces

for granted for many years. It is more a new birth than a rebirth, for theyare new individuals.

My curiosity about the internal mental process of integration was,and is, strong. The patient’s appearance did not change in a drastic man-ner, yet it was obvious that something very special was going on inside hisor her head, as evidenced by Babs’s experience.

As my patients integrated, I began to question them about the experi-ence. I made tape recordings of the integration period when I was presentand, in at least one case, the boyfriend of one of my patients recorded theincident. I also had the hospital staff members make careful observationswhen the integration occurred during a patient’s stay on the psychiatricward of the hospital.

The patient frequently knows when integration is coming. This is es-pecially true when the personality controlling the adult body is not the origi-nal personality. This was the situation with Babs, who had created a false-front alter-personality to run the body when the original personality wentunder at approximately five years of age. The same was true for one ofmy male patients, Henry Hawksworth, who went under shortly after histhird birthday. It was also true for Yolanda, who came to the realization thatshe would shortly disappear when someone new, the original personality,took control.

Yolanda’s background was fairly typical of my female patients. She hadbeen unwanted by a mother who tried to abort her and a father who even-tually abandoned the family. She had endured a gang rape in her youth,and her personalities included both a drug addict/pusher and a religiouszealot. She was in her mid-twenties when I treated her. She approachedintegration with mixed feelings. She accepted the necessity of integration,for she knew that only when it occurred would she be mentally sound. How–ever, she also realized the integration would be her “death,” since she wouldno longer function on her own. She took a tape recorder to her room, satdown, and began talking. She felt the need to explain what she was expe-riencing.

She said, in part,Dr. Allison, this is Yolanda. It’s now 4:30 in the morning, July 16, 1976, and I’m

going through a change. I may never be the same again. When you hear this, I

the endless depths of the mind

[ 137 ]

will not be the same. I will be fused by then. There is so much I want to tell youbut I can’t. . .

I have felt a lot of pain, a lot of lopsidedness on the left side. The time hascome for me to go. I do not go with sorrow or sadness. I go with some fear . . .fear of the unknown. But I am willing to do this. I am willing to cut off my rightarm if that is what it takes to be “one.” I am excited inside. I thank you for all thatyou have done for me. You have brought me to this point. I’m sorry that youcannot be here to see this. It’s a feeling that words cannot explain. I hope that youcan understand my feelings now.

Right now I am experiencing a little discomfort in my brain. I’m with Oona[Yolanda’s best friend]. I have been with her for five days. Today . . . It’s a day thatGod has given me. I shall never forget this day . . . Today . . . I will become awhole person. . . . One person. . .

I have been waiting for this. Your pep talks brought me to this point, eventhough you didn’t understand what I was going through. You accused me ofmany things that weren’t true. I worked hard for this day to come, and I love youfor it. I feel no anger toward you.

Yolanda was referring to conflicts she experienced in therapy. She wouldnot have full memory of the actions of her alter-personalities until afterintegration. She had not fully accepted all the actions of her alter-personalities,although she understood who they were, how they behaved, and how shecould free herself.

It will all be over by Monday. I will stay in the hospital two or three days torecuperate, or however long it will take for me to learn to be one person . . . tofunction as one person. I have been with my dear friend, Oona, who has helpedme through all of this. We’ve taped these problems that I have had.

Yolanda went on to discuss some of the friends she had made duringher treatment, including one nurse who had been especially kind. She saidshe had visited her within the last couple of days, seeking support and sayinggood-bye.

I am willing to sacrifice anything that I have to [to become well], even mychild, if that’s what it comes to. Multiples must be able to accept the fact thatthey must give up everything to become one, and I have done this. I have givenup everything. I have been true and honest about what I’ve promised you aboutdrinking.” [Yolanda drank heavily and took all kinds of drugs. Actually only onealter-personality was involved with this abuse, but the effects naturally causedproblems for “everybody” sharing the body.] I have been honest about otherthings that I have promised you.

I cut down on my pot smoking, and it is not a necessity anymore. It was veryhard for me to do. But I gave it up, and, though it may not seem like much toyou, I am very proud to have done this. I have cut down to the point of having nomore than one joint a day. I have done this for myself, not just for you.

[ 138 ]

minds in many p ieces

Yolanda sounded very tired, and she began to ramble. She was extremelyweak and sounded very much like a person on her deathbed. In a few hoursshe would be but a memory, although her body would continue as strongand healthy as ever.

“I’ve grown up in many ways,” Yolanda continued. “I’m not six. I’m notseven. I’m not eight or nine or ten. I’m all those ages.

“I want you to know that I love you, Dr. Allison, and I thank you for allthat you have done. Someday God will bless you in many ways. Good-bye,Dr. Allison. Good-bye forever.”

I thought the tape was over when Yolanda said good-bye, but her voicereturned in a few moments.

“Dr. Allison, there is so much I have to tell you before I go,” Yolandacontinued.

I’m not sure how to put it. I have thought that some of your judgments aboutthings were wrong at times. But I am willing to accept your theories and beliefsto make me better.

This past week has been hell for me. I have experienced a lot of pain in my leftside of my head, a lot of lopsidedness. It has been very painful.

The important point for me is that I am willing and able and want to becomeone. That is the most important part of being a multiple. To become “one”person you must be willing to sacrifice anything and everything, even your life,to become one person, even if it is only for one day.

I’ve come to that point where I want to become one person. I want to bewhole. I have had a lot of support from my friends, and they are very excited forme. I have had the greatest support from Oona. She has been more than a sisterto me. She is someone I love dearly. Oona has qualities in her beyond belief, andI love her for those things. And I love her for herself. You are a very special manto have her help.

Maybe someday I will also be able to help you. I want to. I want to be able tohelp you and many other multiples that are lost in this world and have no one inthe world to turn to. I want you to use me as your vessel for healing. I still wantyou to guide me and teach me. I want to learn. I will miss you as I am now, butsoon I will be one and I will be with you.

Then, as Yolanda’s voice faded out forever, she whispered: “Being mul-tiple is hell, but the gift of becoming one is worth the lopsided pain. It’swell worth it. . . . It is well worth it.”

Yolanda’s integration apparently occurred quietly — an act of death andrebirth that passed in peace. If there was any sort of violent struggle, scream-

the endless depths of the mind

[ 139 ]

ing, or hollering, it went unnoticed by her neighbors. But Yolanda’s expe-rience was not altogether typical of what I encountered. Others went througha violent internal struggle.

Carla went through an integration approximately eight months beforeYolanda’s. Her integration was filled with drama, high adventure, and astruggle to the death, all taking place inside her head. Some of the actionwas described at the time. Other parts were remembered after she was wholeagain.

Carla envisioned a large battlefield with her original personality andher persecutor alter-personality dressed head-to-toe in armor, preparedto fight to the death. They wanted to tear out each other’s throats, butwere held apart by the less violent persecutor alter-personality, Anna, andby the ISH, Zöe. This particular patient had revealed between thirty andfifty different alter-personalities over the years, and they were lined up inher mind like spectators.

Although this massive number of alter-personalities was unusual, it isa logical result of the illness for some patients. The technique of splittingoriginally occurs out of necessity, but some patients find it an easy way toget through life. An alter-personality might be created to handle even aminor problem, then be discarded a few minutes or hours later, never tobe seen again. For those few moments, a unique individual exists. In Carla’scase, for example, an alter-personality once took over to watch the rerunof a children’s television program that Carla had wanted to see when shewas growing up.

Carla was in the conference room of a hospital, under the close super-vision of the staff, when her integration began. Suddenly she slumped tothe floor, an action triggered by the violence about to start in her head.She began rolling around the floor, smashing her head against the lino-leum, clawing at her face and arms, and generally behaving like someoneengaged in a life-or-death struggle.

“I’m going to kill you if it’s the last thing I ever do!” she screamed, grab-bing her own throat with such force that her fingers embedded them-selves deeply in the skin. I grabbed her wrists and pulled them away,

[ 140 ]

minds in many p ieces

amazed at the strength with which she resisted me. The room had beencleared of furniture so that she would not be able injure herself seriouslyas she thrashed about.

“No! You’re not going to kill me!” a different voice shouted, both voicescoming from Carla’s lips. Even though I was prepared for the violence ofher battle, it was a disconcerting sight to witness. The nursing staff and Ihad to be constantly on the alert to be certain that she didn’t actuallyinjure herself.

The battle continued for what seemed like hours, but thirty minutes ac-tually passed before there was a tremendous heaving motion, and Carla,her body covered with bruises, finally relaxed. Her eyes opened and a peace-ful expression of joy appeared on her face. Carla was gone, having emergedvictorious only to retreat into the mind to rest. Her ISH, Zöe, was in con-trol, making a final appearance. She stayed in charge of the body until thenext day, when the original Carla was sufficiently rested to begin a new lifeas a whole individual.

Like Babs, Carla emerged with the memory and reasoning of a tiny child.It would be many days before she could function completely on her own.

Another violent episode occurred with Enid, a patient who experi-enced integration in the presence of her boyfriend, Bill. He kept a taperecorder going throughout, although he became more physically involvedthan I had in Carla’s case. He talked with the two alter-personalities doingbattle together and tried to cradle Enid’s head when the angry side of herattempted to kill her by smashing her head into a wall.

Enid battled against Gretle, her persecutor alter-personality. Again therewere outward signs of physical violence, although there were pauses dur-ing which Bill was able to talk with both individuals. Incredibly, Bill re-ported that Gretle would grab hold of him and try to drain some of hisphysical strength when she saw she was losing. It was as though she couldsap his energy to increase her own reserves, much like a vampire suckingblood from its victim. He would have called me for assistance, but he wastoo busy trying to handle Enid.

At one point Bill tried to convince Gretle to stop fighting. Gretle hadnever admitted that she was an alter-personality. She believed she was

the endless depths of the mind

[ 141 ]

real, a fact that Bill disputed. “Enid fabricated you,” he told her.“She didn’t give a fuck,” Gretle said. “She was just copping out.”Gretle meant that the false-front alter-personality was running from

her problems when Gretle was created. Yet this recognition did not meanthat she accepted that she was a part of Enid’s mind rather than a uniqueindividual in her own right.

Bill persisted, saying, “She was copping out and she created you. Shecreated you! And now she doesn’t need you anymore. She thanks you.She can’t thank you enough for being here when she needed you. But youmust go !”

Once the integration had taken place, Enid put her thoughts on paper:“This is a description of my own, of an extremely crucial battle in whichI and another part of myself fought t o t h e d e at h !”

The emphasis was Enid’s, and she related a battle that involved herself,the hostile Gretle, and what she said were hundreds of inhuman, violentfollowers of that hateful side of herself.

Enid’s original personality had submerged many years earlier and afalse-front alter-personality controlled the body most of the time follow-ing the initial split. The real Enid only began appearing toward the end ofher therapy, which led to the successful integration. As she explained:

My first appearance was mid-June, although I was unable to stay out long atfirst. I was informed that my presence made Gretle uneasy. Although she exer-cised more strength than I, she could not keep me in her total control. I came inand out as my adviser [her ISH] felt it necessary. I learned much in my absence,and I learned rapidly what Gretle’s trip was. I felt strong desires to regain controlof myself and erase Gretle. I grew stronger and stronger until I was ready to faceher — and life again. I really wanted it!

Enid created her first alter-personality at an older age than most of myother patients. I have discovered that it is extremely rare for anyone todevelop MPD after adolescence. Enid had split several times when youngbut did not completely recede into the mind until age thirteen.

Enid’s father was extremely cruel and violent. He wanted a son, andhe never stopped punishing Enid for being the wrong sex. He frequentlybeat both Enid and her mother. When she was thirteen, she faced yetanother seemingly endless series of beatings and decided she could no

[ 142 ]

minds in many p ieces

longer take it. She went under, letting the suppressed anger she felt to-ward the man become personified in the form of Gretle. Gretle was strongenough to handle the father’s violence, but as the years passed, she be-came almost as violent as the father whose actions resulted in her cre-ation.

Enid told of fighting with Gretle for a number of days before the ma-jor confrontation. Then, on the day integration took place, she said,

It began gradually with pain in all parts of my body, accompanied by halluci-nations. I saw Bill in exaggerated situations with many different women. I knewGretle was responsible, showing me things she knew would upset me. I decidedthat I could not allow any of these to pierce my heart, for I could not allowmyself to feel emotional pain. I refused to be weakened in that way. Winningmyself back was far too important to risk.

Enid went on to describe a violent battle:

Gretle continually tried to kill me in any way she could. When she was on theoutside she was banging my head on walls, floors, dressers, beds. Bill tried torestrain her.

During a lull in the battle, Bill left the room for a moment. Enid wrote:

Without my knowledge, Bill left the room and found a crucifix Gretle hadhidden. Returning, he held it in front of my face while Gretle was out, and Iblocked all escape passageways. Finally he forced her to open her eyes. All Iknow is she screamed in agony and was no more.

dead.Feeling more like a victor than a murderer, I felt more than proud of myself.

My body was sore and bruised but I knew I would heal and be a normal person.It was the greatest feeling I’ve ever known!

The experiences related by integrated multiples do not in any way reflectestablished scientific thought about the mind. Does this mean that the peoplerelating integration experiences were actually relating the hallucinationsof a sick mind? I don’t know. I am only certain of their sincerity and whathas been witnessed and recorded by others. The situations seem to be fairlyconsistent, and the patients were integrated when they were over.

The religious aspect may be real and may result from the fact that mostof my patients have strong religious beliefs. The ideas of heaven and hellare very real to them. They feel themselves torn between forces of good

the endless depths of the mind

[ 143 ]

and evil during their illness. My patients who have related their experiencesexpress this by talking about the devil, Satan or some other specific evil entityfighting against God or His representatives.

Many of my fellow psychiatrists would view these concepts as super-stitious nonsense. They want to deny everything that can’t be proven con-clusively by scientific methods. They may be right, but they also may beclosing themselves off from a reality greater than we can comprehendwith our present knowledge. After all, most of the advances in medicalscience that we take for granted would seem miraculous to people livingonly 150 years ago, when barbers handled most surgical procedures!

I could not contain myself from discussing my work at local psychiat-ric association meetings. I felt that others should be aware of my experi-ences in case they encountered similar problems. Naturally I played downsome of the religious aspects, including the exorcisms, knowing the pro-fessional reaction would be harshly negative.

Surprisingly, the one person who was comfortable with the conceptof exorcism was my father. I sent him a paper I had written on the sub-ject. I thought that he might be interested in my work in a field that, in asense, had been his own. He sent back the paper with some notes, prima-rily adding Scriptural references relating to what I had written. He seemedto accept the general concept. Unfortunately, my supposedly open-mindedcolleagues could not.

Admittedly, when I discussed my treatment plan with those who hadused more traditional approaches and failed, I implied that I was settingnew psychiatric standards. One of the psychiatrists who attended a meet-ing at which I spoke said, “If we don’t follow your approach, are we thenguilty of malpractice?” Of course, one could reach that conclusion if onewanted to stretch the definition of malpractice. After all, the other treat-ment approaches being used in my area did not seem to be working, andmy methods did. Therefore, to continue to use an approach that was noteffective could be considered malpractice.

My answer, at the time, was, “You said that, not I.” It was not an ap-proach that would win friends. As I reflected on my attitude, I realizedthat much of the hostility I’d generated was my own doing. It was not so

[ 144 ]

minds in many p ieces

much what I said but the way I had said it.Later, I also found that I had to be more tactful in my presentations to

others, or I would be in serious trouble. That the trouble was unwar-ranted really didn’t matter. My pride could be my downfall, hindering myability to practice all that I had learned.

Afterwards, I tried to use a more tactful approach in dealing with peerreview committee members and others in the medical profession, andthis seemed to help. I remained controversial, but I had diffused their at-tack. I still faced periodic criticism, but I continued my work.