Dates to Remember

February

13th - 16th. Winter

break. Center closed.

14th. Happy

Valentine’s Day

March 8th. Daylight Savings

Time begins.

Spring forward

17th. St. Patrick’s Day

20th. First Day of

Spring

MILFORD FAMILY RESOURCE CENTER

JUDY LOBDELL, EDITOR February 2015

Milford Family Resource

Center Staff::

Program Manager:

Peggy Kelly

Parent Educators:

Kathy Aspinwall

Judy Lobdell

Anne Mundy

The Milford Family

Resource Center

@Mathewson School

466 West River Street

Milford, CT 06461

(203)783-3626

mfrc@milforded.org

What better time of year than now to turn our thoughts toward the emerging feelings of love in

young children.

How do babies and toddlers perceive love? Dr. Ayla Humphrey, a psychologist with Bedford

Village Family Practice in New York, in an interview with Tracey A. Barger, states that children

have feelings of love, but they are not necessarily defined in adult terms.

We know that babies develop their self image by mirroring caregivers actions and behaviors and by

getting feedback from these significant people in their environment, but according to Dr.

Humphrey, “There’s no clear point at which the child is suddenly a loving human being. It’s a long

process that involves not just parents, but the whole social world.” Dr. Humphrey goes on to point

out that it is important for the child to receive the “necessary feeding” at each level, so he can

move on to the next level.

During the toddler years and into the preschool years, as well, children begin to expand their social

circle. Dr. Humphrey states that this is when children begin to deal with the concept of sharing

possessions, as well as imagination and ideas. The school years are marked by the development of

“best friends” and love of their peers, even though their primary attachment is still to the family

unit. It is not until adolescence, as hormonal changes occur, that the child starts to move away from

the family. At this point they are approaching more adult-like feelings of ‘romantic’ love.

How can parents nurture their children’s growing feelings of love and make sure they are getting

their proper ‘feeding’? One good suggestion Dr. Humphrey had is something we here at the

Milford Family Resource Center wholly endorse:: Talk to your children about how they feel about

their friends and family. This is important to remember because young children don’t always have

the words to express their feelings.

While babies respond more to tone and body language, as children grow, they can benefit from

having behavior modeled for them and discussing their feelings. You can help your toddler sort

through feelings by reading cues: “You look upset about not being able to go to Billy’s house

today. What other fun activity can we do?” This shows your child you can connect with his

feelings, and it also involves him in finding a solution. You can also help your young child

understand how others feel by explaining behavior in simple terms: “Suzie got very upset when

you took her doll away. What do you think would make her feel better?” Don’t forget the power of

praise as well: “That was very nice of you to share your new puzzle with Katie. You are a good

friend!”

Discussing feelings and providing information about the things your young children see, hear, do,

and think about, not only helps them build vocabulary and language skills, but it also helps them to

clarify their feelings and build that ‘emotional intelligence’, so important to successful living. By

providing opportunities for young children to analyze their thoughts and feelings, it is helping

them to develop empathy, caring, and understanding - all prerequisites to building loving

relationships.

Love In Bloom:

Emerging Feelings In Young Children

7 signs that your baby loves you

She stares into your eyes: Newborns love to look at faces, and yours is her favorite. That soulful gaze is a hardwired survival instinct designed to attract love and attention from a caregiver, says neuroscientist Lise Eliot. But it's also the beginning of her love for you – she's realizing just how important you are in her life.

He recognizes your smell: Given the choice between a dozen fragrant roses and your sweaty, milk-stained T-shirt, your baby will go for the shirt every time. "Even a 1-week-old will turn his head toward a breast pad soaked with his mother's milk," says Eliot. To your newborn, nothing smells sweeter than you.

She smiles at you: The first time your baby gives you a true, fabulous grin is a magical moment. It's her way of saying "I love you."

He talks to you: Your baby's very earliest coos will be directed at you or another trusted caregiver, says Eliot – he won't start by talking to himself. He'll use this early language (called protoconversation) to engage with you, so answer back! You're both laying the groundwork for real conversation later.

She wants you around: About halfway through your baby's first year, you'll notice that she's not happy with your

absence. She may scrunch up her face or cry when you step out of the room, and she'll smile upon your return – a sign of her growing attachment.

He shares your interests: Whether it's a display of holiday lights or the dirty laundry, if you scrutinize it, your baby will do the same. Called mutual attention, this behavior can start when your baby is just a few months old, but it's more pronounced at 9 to 12 months. "It's a sign that your child is engaged with you and values what you're paying

attention to," says pediatrician Harvey Karp.

She uses you as a shield: Don't be surprised if your baby buries her head in your chest when someone new appears on the scene. "Stranger anxiety" is a normal phase, and turning to you for protection means your baby loves you and trusts you to keep her safe.

7 signs that your toddler loves you

He mirrors your face: Your facial expressions are more contagious to your child than the freshest virus at daycare. This is why he'll often smile when you smile or look anxious when you're afraid. This mirroring begins in the newborn period, but increases dramatically between the ages of 9 and 18 months, says Karp.

She takes her cues from you: How would your 1-year-old react to an elephant frying an egg in the kitchen? Chances are, she'd look to you. The world can be a confusing and surprising place for your little one, and she uses your reactions to make sense of it. She loves you and trusts your opinion.

He copies your behavior: Does your little guy try to open the door with your keys? Does he "fix" his hair in the mirror, just like you? "They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery – but for toddlers, it's also a sincere form of respect and love," says Karp.

She engages with you: The back-and-forth that started during babyhood is much more sophisticated now. Your toddler wants to answer your questions, witness your reaction to what she's doing, and tell you (in her own way) about her ideas. Known as reciprocal social attention, this is a sign of your toddler's attachment and confidence in you.

7 signs that your toddler loves you, continued….

He uses you as home base: In a new environment, your toddler may alternate between exploring and running back to snuggle in your lap. It's a sure sign of trust and attachment, says psychologist Linda Acredolo. You're a safe, reassuring place for him to return to.

She turns to you for rescue: You're walking through the park when a big dog runs up to your toddler. She rais-es her arms for you to pick her up and hold her close. She trusts you to help her, and that's a way of showing

love, says parent educator Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

He seeks comfort from you: Your toddler may hold out his hand so that you can kiss his boo-boo, or he may cry for you to cuddle him after he trips on the front steps. He knows he can count on you for comfort, says Acredolo – and he trusts you enough to let you know when he needs it.

7 signs that your preschooler loves you

She acts up: You turn away to chat with a friend on the playground and your preschooler starts grabbing toys and throwing sand. If she doesn't have your positive attention, she'll take negative attention over nothing at all. "I call this the law of the soggy potato chip," says Karp. "In your child's eyes, a soggy potato chip is better than no potato chip." Frustrating as it can be, this behavior is another sign of how important you are to your child.

You're his role model: As in toddlerhood, your child likes to copy exactly what you do – but this modeling has become more advanced. You'll see him "making an important call" while hammering away at his "computer" or even cursing while driving his ride-on car (oops). "To your child, you are a rock star," says Karp.

She makes verbal declarations of love: Finally! At 3 or 4, many children begin to express their love with actual words. You may hear "I love you, Mommy" or "Your skin is so soft" or even "I want to marry you and be together forever." They all mean the same thing.

He comforts you: Your preschooler may surprise you with his empathy. Perhaps he offers you his special blanket when he sees you in tears or gives you a kiss when you hurt yourself. He's aping how you treat him when he gets hurt or upset. This is partly a survival technique, says Acredolo. You are your child's world, and he doesn't like that world disrupted, so he's trying to set things right. But it's also pretty darn loving.

She tries to hurt you with words: Love shouldn't hurt, but when it comes to our kids, sometimes it does. If you disappoint your preschooler or hurt her feelings, she may lash out with an insult like "Mommy's a poophead" or even the dreaded "I hate you!" It's not fun to hear, but – yes, really – it's more evidence of how much your child cares for you. Karp explains: "An insult is a more concise way of saying, You matter so much to me that you can make me more upset than anyone else, so I want to hurt you back."

He gives you gifts: You may receive a flower plucked from the front yard, a sparkly rock, a crayoned self-portrait, or a "chocolate marshmallow sundae" created out of bathwater and bubbles. Your preschooler's funny and touching gifts are a way for him to show you that you're special.

She celebrates your return: After time apart, your preschooler is likely to give you the VIP treatment, hugging you and showing off her accomplishments. Bonus: This will happen even if she was screaming when you left!

*babycenter.org Baby Bulletin

In a follow-up to her earlier studies of learning in infancy, developmental psychologist Lisa Scott and

colleagues at the University of Massachusetts Amherst are reporting that talking to babies in their first year,

in particular naming things in their world, can help them make connections between what they see and hear,

and these learning benefits can be seen as much as five years later.

Carrying that a step further, parents or caregivers can:

ask questions, “What do you think is in this box? Maybe we can open it and find out.”

talk to their baby about what they are doing (self-talk), “I am opening the car door and putting you in the

car seat. Now I am getting in the car and putting on my seat belt.” and

describe what she is doing/feeling (parallel talk) “You are rolling the ball to Daddy and he is rolling it

back”, or “You are upset because you can’t reach that toy.”

These conversations not only help to build vocabulary but also relationships and engagement that foster not

only language but all areas of development.

Helping Your Child Develop Communication Skills

Babies in the Rain, by Jeff Johnson outlines the importance of creating environments that promote play,

exploration and discovery. The author offers valuable information on how to spend quality time with young

children by building strong emotional environments, nurturing meaningful relationships, and promoting

child-centered, age-appropriate learning.

Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work and What Will, by Shefali Tsabary gives the

parent a different perspective on guiding children’s behavior.. The author’s main tenet is that parenting should

be about connection rather than correction. She offers strategies that help parents and children connect with

the reasons certain behaviors might be happening and reflect on the consequences and ways to change the

behavior. Discipline in the form of punishment often does not provide a natural consequence, and while the

author does not embrace a permissive parenting style, she believes that discipline does not teach the child how

to change the behavior,. What it often creates is resentment that works to emotionally disconnect the child from

the parent. The parents’ task is to explore what is triggering their reactions to their children’s misbehavior and,

as noted above, help their children learn ways to change the behavior - the goal being self-discipline.

If the Buddha Had Kids: Raising Children to Create a More Peaceful World by Charlotte Kasl conveys a

similar message that Tsabary puts forth. stressing the importance of connecting feelings and experience to

behavior. She also offers strategies for creating a sense of well being and happiness in the home and family.

In her own words, Kasl states, “This book will help parents to raise a child who feels at peace within, which

is the starting place for creating peace in the world. When a person accepts and feels at home in his own life,

he is more likely to feel empathy and care for others. Going one step further, he is also more likely to be

active in helping create a more just and peaceful world”.

Our parenting library is growing. If you are interested in taking a look at any of these

books, please let us know.

Valentine’s Day Tips for Parents

Posted by FARE, on February 3, 2015

Valentine’s Day is the sweetest of all the holidays, both in sentiment and in sweet treats. But with candy and con-

fections being shared and parties being thrown, it’s also a good time to review some basics of effective food

allergy management.

Here are some helpful reminders for parents of children with food allergy as this holiday approaches:

Remember that candy manufacturers may change packaging for holidays like Valentine’s Day. For example, a

peanut butter cup might come in the form of a foil-wrapped heart instead of the tell-tale cup shape. Don’t

assume anything. Read every label, every time. If a label is not available, don’t take chances and avoid the treat.

Buy some safe candy or inexpensive toys or trinkets and prepare a special Valentine’s goodie bag for your child.

Or have these items available for a trade in case your child receives a treat that he or she cannot have.

Re-emphasize to your child that these sweets shouldn’t be eaten unless a trusted adult has read the labels and said

it’s okay.

Invent your own holiday tradition, such as making homemade Valentine’s cards or baking allergy-friendly treats

together and decorating them in keeping with a Valentine’s theme.

FARE—Food Allergy Research and Education http://www.foodallergy.org

Birthday Celebration for the Mathewson January Birthday staff

Mark Your Calendars! Read Across America Day is March 2, 2015

Oh, the Places You'll Go when you read!. March 2, 2015 is NEA's Read Across America Day

and this year, the book is the Seuss classic, Oh, The Places You'll Go.

Kids Count of Milford Peggy Kelly, Executive Director February, 2015

How is your child doing at daycare? It may be a matter of perspective.

By Tammy Theis-Satterlee

Have you ever wondered how your child is spending their day at daycare? Has the teacher told you, your son or daughter had a "good day", when you picked them up at the end of a long, hard day at work? What did the words, "good day" mean to you? Did it mean your child was nice to others? Followed directions? Sat for circle time? Maybe to you, a "good day" means everything is going well and there is no reason for concern. In fact, a "good day" could mean just about anything we want it to mean, depending on our perspective. Have you ever asked yourself if your perspective is the same as your child's teacher? Or, simply asked the teacher, "What do you mean when you say my child had a good day?" It's quite possible that you never really gave it much thought. I would like to bring it to your attention now in an effort to improve communication and understanding between parents and teachers.

As a Birth to Three teacher, I work very closely with parents and caregivers, offering suggestions for improving child development. In my work, I often see the unique per-spective both parents and teachers have for the same child. After many years I have also learned that the expectations of parents and caregivers can sometime be very different for a variety of reasons.

It's not always easy for teachers to deliver information to parents about their children. As a parent of two children of my own, I have learned first hand how it's feels to be on the receiving end of both "good" and "not so good" information about my children. Sometimes, it's not easy learning about our own children from teachers. It's easy to get wires crossed if there hasn't been opportunity to develop a good relationship.

That's why it's so important to work towards having a parents-teacher relationship that works for the greater good of the child. Remember, perspective really makes a big difference in day to day communication. What looks "good" to one may not look so "good" to another.

We are all faced with busy lives, in a fast paced world that is becoming increasingly consumed by electronic communication. The responsibility for communicating effectively falls on everyone. Especially for parents, teachers, and caregivers. What can we do to improve parent-teacher communication? Parents can start the dialog with your child's teacher by asking some basic questions. Continued on page 8

* What are my child's strengths? * What does my child need more work on? * What can I do at home to help my child? * What is the teacher doing to help during the day? Teachers can use the same questions to start the conversation. Additionally, steps can be taken to help teachers and parents keep track of progress and communicate more effectively about each child and their development. Here are some ideas. Start by meeting together to discuss the child so you can begin to develop a strong

and trusting relationship. What are the child's likes and dislikes? What is the parent proud of or worried about?

Teachers can introduce a tool such as the Ages and Stages to help determine the child's current development. Discuss the results and continue to reassess. Parents often look to their daycare teachers for guidance on their child's development. As-sessment tools like this will help teachers to communicate the child's strengths and weaknesses. This can also help determine if further assessment would be helpful.

Periodically meet either in person or over the phone to discuss how the child is do-

ing. Remember, teacher input is valuable to parents. Parents want to know what their children are doing when they are with you. This is a great time for both parents and teachers to ask questions. Also, if this happens regularly, everyone will have a better chance to on the same page. Conversations will feel more comfortable even if there is a reason to discuss a difficult topic.

Set goals for home and daycare. Ask how things are going. What's working? What isn't? Instead of using words like "good" or "bad", try giving details about what the child did that day. Richer detail allows both parties an opportunity to understand what is really going on. "Joey washed and dried his hands all by himself today."; or, "Suzy preferred playing by herself at free choice.", gives a parent a little more information. Maybe Suzy's parent will respond and say, she wasn't able to sleep the night before. The next day, the teacher will follow up with the parent to find out if Suzy was able to catch up on sleep and if not, provide opportunities during the day for Suzy to rest if she needs it. This simple conversation can help Suzy be more successful or get the rest that's needed.

Go ahead and take advantage of all the electronic opportunities available to com-municate everything that's happening in your classroom or at home. Ask parents if it's ok to email or text pictures of child accomplishments, happy faces, or playtime routines. Email or send home weekly classroom newsletters.

Communication works both ways. Invite parents to visit the class for special occasions or do a home visit. Remember to vary times to accommodate parents with different work schedules. Keep in mind, drop off and pick up times vary from child to child. This makes it difficult for parents to meet other parents or see who their child plays with during the day. You are the bridge that leads to introductions. Help parents mingle so they have the opportunity to build friendships with other parents. In closing, keep in mind, successful parent-teacher relationships during the early years helps to build a strong foundation for a child's future education. Note: Tammy Theis- Satterlee is a Kids Count Board Member

A Visit from Senator Gayle Slossberg On February 10, 2015, Senator Gayle Slossberg, the Senate Chair of the

Education Committee, visited the three Ready To Learn School Readiness

Program classrooms at the Orange Avenue School.

Senator Slossberg joined a “morning meeting”, answered questions posed

by students, read a book and engaged in

conversation with several children.

As stated by some of the children

after Senator Slossberg left,

we hope she comes back very,

very soon!

Kids Count News

Kids Count Scholarship Program for the 2015-2016 school year.

The John Peterson Memorial Preschool Scholarship Program is accepting applications

for preschool scholarships for the upcoming school year. The programs offers scholar-

ships to families who may not otherwise be able to afford preschool for their 3 and 4 year

old children.

Call Peggy Kelly at 203-782-2627 or pkelly@milforded.org for an application.

Families must be residents of Milford.

The scholarships are accepted by all the private preschools in Milford.

Save the Date(s)

Thursday, April 2 Kids Count’s Legislative Breakfast

Milford Yacht Club

Thursday, June 4 Harborlight Happening

********

Upcoming Workshop for Private Preschool Head Teachers on

Classroom Management and Positive Discipline

Guest Speaker: Marlene Sanchez, Special Education Teacher

Milford Public School’s Preschool