The Builder

Managing Anger in the Workplace

In my 23 years of experience in the corporate environment, I have seen careers advance, stagnate and regress because of a person’s ability or

inability to balance tasks and human relations. A key to this balancing act is the capability to remain cool under pressure and be able to deliver on the deadline. Here are some of the principles which have helped me cope with difficult situations:

Focus on the solution, not on the situation. My former boss and mentor once told me, “When I’m tempted to get angry, I ask myself first if releasing my anger will help me achieve my objective for the situation I’m facing. If yes, then I release it, if not, I focus on finding the solution.”

Instead of playing the blame game, finding the solution should be the main priority, and that may mean working with the people who are causing the delay. So will losing your cool get the job done or can you do something else to produce the result? Once you’ve analyzed the situation, then you can make a rational decision.

Remember the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you want respect, learn to give respect. There will also come a time when you will make mistakes. This does not mean tolerating mediocrity and excuses. Be firm but not demeaning. Making threats should be avoided at all times.

Don’t take things personally. Your self-worth is not dependent on other people. Taking things personally only makes it worse. When faced with a hostile boss or co-worker, steer the conversation to what will help you find the solution. Understand that some people may not have the best interpersonal skills in pressure situations, but you certainly have a choice not to stoop down to the gutter mentality.

Managing emotions in the workplace will help you focus on what is even more important – finding purpose and fulfillment in what you do. The greatest management book – the Bible, says in James 1:19-20: “My dear brothers, take note of this. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

In This Issue:

The BuilderManaging Anger in the Workplace

Real MenAngry Men ... Macho Men?

You’re the Man!The “Hulk” Within

Gadgets & GizmosOnline Meltdown

The GymBeating Anger

by Ardie Balderrama

“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.” - Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor

Real Men

Angry Men ... Macho Men?Dr. Moises “Jun” Ardina is a marriage and family counselor

and also a professor at the Alliance Graduate School.Why do we get angry?

We get angry because we are emotional beings. We get angry when people do us wrong or we don’t get what we expect. Anger is a healthy emotion. It is not bad in itself. There are levels of anger. When you have an uncontrolled or untamed anger that leads to hostility affecting your health, or others get hurt when you express it, then it’s wrong. It is called aggression. It’s already bad behaviour, not just an emotion. Are men more prone to anger than women?

Based on a study, yes. There is a physiological connection with male testosterone and aggressiveness. Men tend to be more aggressive than women. Culturally, we want to project an image that we are masculine, tough or macho. By projecting anger we affirm that image and this seems to be a universal pattern regardless of culture.

What does unrestrained anger do to a man?

Having intense emotion in our life can affect our physical and emotional functioning, our work performance and even our ability to establish a relationship. Studies show there is a correlation between intense emotion such as anger and some sicknesses like hypertension, stomach ailments, cancer, etc. The absence of a normal flow of blood and oxygen due to the constriction of the blood vessels when you are angry leads to the development of some sickness. When anger controls us, we’ll find it hard to accommodate other positive emotions that will make us happy about life. It will affect

our capacity to be reasonable and make good decisions. Unrestrained anger can cripple us emotionally and mentally. It will destroy our relationships. As a husband or father, you could hurt your wife and children or influence them negatively in the way they handle their emotion. You could end up verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusing them. How can men manage their anger?

There is a possibility that men who struggle with anger are men who are hurting. They were probably wounded due to past circumstance when they were still young. They need to be healed from those hurts. Maybe they need to forgive those who hurt them so that emotional healing will occur. To manage their anger, they should acknowledge it and seek help. That’s when healing starts. Admitting that you have a problem and seeking help are signs of maturity, not weakness. People need to realize that they are living in an imperfect world and that this world will always fail us in our expectations. Therefore we need to take control of ourselves, especially our emotions so that they will not destroy us.

My challenge: You have an important role to play in the family as a husband, father, Christian, and member of the community. You are an influential person, but if you are struggling with unrestrained anger, you are influencing others negatively. You could only be destroying your own and other people’s life. Therefore, you need to deal with your anger and live a life that is healthy emotionally. If you do, you will inspire others to live an emotionally healthy life.

Interview with Dr. Moises “Jun” Ardina by Alvin Tud

Dr. Moises “Jun” Ardina“When anger

controls us, we’ll find it hard to accomodate other positive emotions that will make us happy about life.”

You’re The Man!

The Hulk WithinOne of the things that I like about the

recent Avengers movie is the Incredible Hulk. Two unforgettable scenes come to mind: when he surprisingly punches the Thor after they trashed the aliens, and when Dr. Bruce Banner says, “…I am always angry!” and intentionally turns himself into the Hulk.

Are you always angry? Is anger really a bad emotion? Or is it normal to be angry and carry a “hulk” within?

Pam and John Vredevelt, licensed counsellors write in their book Letting Go of Anger and Frustration: “Anger is a legitimate response to certain situations. It is not a bad emotion. Anger is part of God’s original design.” This means that anger is not bad. However, it is the wrong expression of anger that makes it bad.

Another book that talks about anger is the Bible. Here’s what it says:Anger has consequences.

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins. Proverbs 29:22

A man of great anger shall bear the penalty, for if you rescue him, you will only have to do it again. Proverbs 19:19.Anger can be controlled.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. Proverbs 29:11

Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. Ephesians 4:26

If we let “the hulk within” take control of us then there will be terrible consequences. With God’s help, we will be able to control our anger and rage, and hopefully turn it into something positive!

Gadgets & Gizmos

Online Meltdown

Today, almost everything around us is geared to illicit an emotional response.

Through the internet, a man can enter his own self-made world with self-made rules and be “happy” without having any regard for others. We each grab our portion of cyberspace even if “our territory” simply means a username and a few megabytes of server space. When our territory is attacked we fight back with gusto, knowing that the person on the other end cannot see or touch us. It may seem harmless enough, but anger out of control online is as destructive as anger out of control in real life.

Anger is a powerful emotion; when it is too intense it becomes rage. Anger manifested in terms of the cyberworld is called computer rage. It can lead to loud verbal abuse, rude messaging, or rage quit—exiting a game out of anger. It can even result in violent actions toward the computer itself.

Understanding why we become angry is necessary in order to gain control of it. The Bible even talks about anger out of control. James 4:1 says, “Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves.”

What are we really fighting for? Is it really worth it?

Most of the time, we will discover that after we have spewed venom all over the keyboard, it was all for nothing. Some people may agree with what we said, others will not. Our computer temper tantrums may make us a few more enemies, or others will just find our rants amusing. We can have healthy online discussions without having to blow our lid off to prove our point.

The next time a subject matter begins to heat up and your fingers itch to go wild on the keyboard remember this short cut key: Ctrl A - Backspace. You may have to use it several times to get the full effect.

by Alvin Tud by Raymond Masuecos

The Gym

Beating Angerby Rufino Agonoy

I have loved playing basketball since I was a child! When I was 14, I had a fight with a guy I

played with who bumped me and hit me hard on the face. At first, I was thinking basketball was to be blamed but it was actually my bad attitude and anger. Anger got the best of me at that time and I realized we can “blow our top” anytime we react negatively to our circumstances.

Now that I’m older, I found a better way to beat anger – Exercise!

Have you ever dreamed of being “lean and mean”? I am sure you have. Being physically fit requires a lot of hard work and discipline. You have to invest a lot of time, focus, effort and money. You have to consistently endure the pain.Exercise will not only help us become physically fit but also emotionally healthy. How can sports and workout help us manage anger?

At the outset, before you even actualize your goal of becoming physically fit, the effort of focusing mind and attitude helps us turn negative energy into positive energy which is beneficial to redirecting anger.

Power Points

• Exercise can give you time to think the course of action to take, thus taking control of your anger.

• A physical workout can move you away from the object of your anger which lessens the emotional distress.

Basic Exercises

Inhale and Exhale- take a deep breath, hold it and count till 8-10 seconds, then exhale. Repeat, 3 to 5 times. This will help you open your lungs bigger to absorb more oxygen to help you relax your mind and get more positive energy.

Running or Walking - 10 to 15 minutes of walking or running daily will help you lower your cholesterol and burn fat that is not needed in your body. It is also good for blood circulation.

Stretching (Head to Toe) - when you do this, count 8 seconds then count backwards for each stretching exercise. This will help you relax all your connecting muscles and joints. (Head stretch, Arm stretch, Back stretch, Leg stretch, Knee stretch, Ankle and toe stretch)

We can beat anger through workout and sports!

Published quarterly by Asia Pacific Media MinistriesUnit 2608 Raffles Corporate Center, Emerald Avenue, Ortigas Center, 1605 Pasig City, PhilippinesTelephone: 914-9767E-mail: mip@apmedia.orgReproduction of photos and articles is prohibited without permission.

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EDITORIAL STAFF

Editor Alvin Tud

Layout Design Patrick Tan

Distribution Johnson Li

Executive Editor Kim Snider

MIP Editorial Staff:Alvin, Johnson & Patrick

Phot

o by

Don

Dav

id

Exercise lessens emotional distress.

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