Marple Golf Club News April 2018 1,000 Guineas

Speakers' CornerHow many times have you heard someone say 'This is never stroke index one' meaning they don't think it's the hardest hole on the course. Well these players are completely missing the point.

The indices exist primarily for match play competitions and of paramount importance for matchplay is the even spread of the strokes to be received at all handicap differences over the 18 holes.

Now when playing stableford or bogey comps there is a cogent case for the index to be aligned to the ranking of holes in terms of playing difficulty

There is nothing to stop clubs having a separate stroke index for stableford comps indeed CONGU states that 'Clubs that conduct a significant number of stableford competitions may wish to provide separate stroke indexes for match play and stableford.

Despite the relative ease in which stableford indexes could be added to the card very few clubs have adopted it. So as it stands stroke indexes are calculated for Match Play and do not always have a relationship to the difficulty of a particular hole.. So the next time you play a course and you hear someone confuse the stroke index to the difficulty of a hole please feel free to educate them accordingly.

On behalf of everyone at Marple Golf Club we are delighted to welcome new members Phil Hart and Doug Mills who have joined from Romiley, together with Mike Fitzgerald, Jim Aspin and Jackie Bircham from Disley. We are sure you will enjoy not only the golf but the friendly atmosphere here.

It is also great to see Ian Richardson, Roger Wheelerand Bernard Woolley rejoining after short breaks. And we cant finish without extending a warm welcome back to Paul Podolanski, Mike Fidler and Ray Luckman who return to the fold after illness/ injury

By the way gents as a percentage the Ladies Sectionis the fastest growing area of the Golf Club. So comeon put the word around and get people joining.

Lady Captainconquered hernerves and drovea respectable123 yards at herdrive in. Thiscompares favourably with many of our recent male captain's attempts. Kay's charity lunch was topped off with a talk from a belly dancer and was very well received by the Ladies. The belly dancer was also well received by some men who were found peering through the dining room windows.

Rules Quiz – answers page 3

1. You misread a putt and your ball strikes the flagstick which is lying some 9 feet from the hole. You are (a) penalised 1 shot and must play the ball as it lies. (b) penalised 2 shots and play the ball as it lies. (c) penalised 2 shots and must replay the putt.

2. After 2 minutes you find your ball in deep rough. You leave the area to get your club. On your return you cannot see your ball. You are (a) allowed a further 3 minutes. (b) allowed a further 5 minutes. (c) deemed to have lost your ball with a stroke and distance penalty

3. A player damaged his ball and declared it unfit for play and substituted another ball. At a subsequent hole he played the damaged ball. What is the ruling? (a) one shot penalty. (b) two shot penalty. (c) no penalty.

Marple Golf Club News April 2018 1,000 Guineas

Greens News A question we are often asked is 'what makes good greens'?, Our usual reply is 'We haven't got a clue. We just run a newsletter.' However on behalf of you all we did some ferreting about. We discovered that dressing, cutting and tining and following a carefully planned work programme will result in good greens. However mother nature has a huge say in how quickly they respond.

Our greens machines use approximately 4.000 litres of diesel fuel annually and the hand machines run onpetrol which is free as it is surreptitiously siphoned from members' cars while they are out on the course. Another question we are often asked is how many times, and why do we change the hole positions on the greens, The answer is in an normal week the holes are moved twice and this is done solely to annoy members who have got used to the previous positions.

It’s this time of the year we have the support of volunteers to do the jobs that would take the greens staff away from getting the course ready for the season Their support is very much appreciated.

Carrick photobombs our Dave

Dave Tetley had no idea that cheeky Michael Carrickhad decided to ruin his selfie. Dave who enjoys a selfie on an hourly basis told MGCN that he he only found out when he picked up the photos from Boots in Stockport where they had been developed.

Captain's Drive inMr Captain apparently drove 207 yards which was a mere 3 yards more than a past captain and not a sore loser John Deakin. According to a local meteorologist the weather for the Captain was 15.7 times better than it was for Mr Deakin's tremendous effort. Very few guessed the Captain would drive remotely near this distance with a majority of punters opting for 19 yards as a fair reflection of his golfing ability

Captain enjoying benign conditions

At the presentation we had a vision of old and new inthe guise of Gregg Baines and Dave Lewis. Dave who is in his 80's picked up the Russian stableford top spot with his partner Vic Turner. Meanwhile Gregg was winning with a foursome with Shaun McDonald.. Not content with this Gregg also picked up the Easter stableford prize. The Captain was in a fine mood. Literally. With the pot being shaken at anyone who had the temerity of betting on him driving 19 yards.

Coming soon to a club near youSat 7 July A few good menSat 4 August The Click Fri 12 Oct Comedy night26 Oct Club dinner danceThough June World cup soccer

Marple Golf Club News April 2018 1,000 Guineas

Member of the monthThis month we have a special treat as we have an honorary member of the month in the guise of our bar boss Julie. Julie as you are aware is a shy retiring person. An example of this was in 2002 when she attended a hells angels bike rally. During the rally Julie donned a pair of skis and was 'towed' along the grass behind a powerful turbo trike. In the ensuing chaos she managed to take out 3 tents a sheep and a biker. Just another quiet Sunday afternoon in Julie's life . We asked some probing questions:

Do you know what a double bogey is?It is one worse than a bogey and two worse than par.And no I didn't ask IainRed or blue?Blue because all my brothers are redsBest thing you started? Six years ago I weighed 17st 10lbs size 24. I then did my first 10k charity run which nearly killed me. I now try to doat least 4 a yearHave you ever played golf?No. and I have only ever hit a few ballsAny suggestions to make the club a better place.Communication, communication, communication. Ifyou're not booked on BRS how do we know you're out? Favourite song?When I had my pub this was the last song to be playedevery weekend. It was also my wedding song. It is by anartist called Jilted John and it is called Jilted John. Favourite holiday destination?Cornwall. I used to really love the times there with mybrothers when I was young. It holds a lot of happymemories

We recently attended a wedding at Marple and were bitterly disappointed. We were promised a great view and all we got was Manchester, North Wales and the Pennines. Simply not good enoughPercy Cute & Sue PermannI am sick to the back teeth of people going on and on about how important the greens are. What about tomatoes and carrots why are they never given equalprominence?Rudi MentryA friend of mine recently got a 2000% return on his investment by visiting a local casino. I wish the Boardwould wake up and smell the coffee. I would suggestall the subscriptions on red at the roulette table.Alf Abett

In BriefHave you noticed that the stroke indices on the front nine are all even numbers and on the back nine theyare all odd numbers. Spooky

Wentworth £180k joining fee £16k a year subscriptions. Now this may seem excessive but if you pay before April you get £50.00 on your bar card

Marple's lads and lasses hope to cement their success in the Archie Preston with a visit to Crewe. It's a tricky challenge but we are sure our warriors will be up for it.

In 1892 first class, blue badge caddies could charge 3d a round at Marple whereas second class, red badge caddies only received 2d a round. All caddieshowever charged 2d for cleaning clubs and could negotiate a price for carrying clubs to and from the players' homes or railway station

Answers to Rules quiz. 1. (b) You are penalised 2 shots and play the ball as it lies. 2. (a) You are allowed a further three minutes nb. in 2019 you will be allowed 3 minutes in total. 3. (c) There is no penalty however a player may not deem the same ball unfit for play again citing the same damage.

Marple Golf Club News April 2018 free

Anne with Jo Finnerty from Epilepsy Research UK

Anne's charity close to her heart

With over 600,000 people having epilepsy and 87 people a day being diagnosed with epilepsy researchinto this condition is essential. Anne Porter knows this all to well because her daughter had Epilepsy as a child. When she was 17. she had an operation to remove a tiny piece of brain. Thankfully the operation was a complete success and the seizures stopped.

'I can’t thank the doctors and nurses enough for their support and also the support of Marple Golf Club for their kind donations throughout my year in Office'. Said Anne handing over a cheque for £1506.56 toJo Finnerty from Epilepsy Research UK. We all join Anne in hoping this donation will assist in their valuable work.

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8 April saw the club coming together with ladies, seniors, juniors, male members and visitors enjoying a texas scramble. April showers were thankfully missing and Dave Lewis kicked off the shotgun start.... literally! Wally Rogers announced the winners and modestly thanked Shaun McDonald for his organisational skills. Wally continued by explaining what we already knew..... that Shaun is an acutely shy individual. Great day was had by all!!

Mass break out from Walton Prison

A spokesman for the prison service confirmed that 51prisoners escaped from the infamous Liverpool prison and that police were still conducting a manhunt. A dragnet has been thrown around the Belton Woods area where the fugitives were last seen and are believed to be hiding out. The audacious breakout was conceived from the 'outside' by 'Big Daddy Oldfield'. The plan was brilliant in it's simplicity. The prisoners simply donned1980's style curly perms and fooled the prison officers into believing a reunion of Liverpool players had been visiting. As a consequence the prisoners were allowed to simply saunter out of the maximum security prison. Police are advising that these villainsare armed to the teeth with clubs and should not be approached under any circumstances.