managing conflict in the workplace - delegates notes

CPD Session

Presented by:

Delegate’s Notes

Managing Conflict in the Workplace

Customer Centric Solutions (Pty) Ltd 2016 ©

Content


Page

1. Session purpose and outcomes 3

2. Introduction 3

3. Managing Conflict 4

o What is Conflict? 4 o The common sources of conflict 5

4. Strategies to mitigate the risk of Conflict 6

o Signs of Conflict 6 o Guidelines for handling conflict 7 o Assisting others to handle conflict 7 o Apply empathy 8

5. Steps for Handling Challenging Conversations 11

6. Attributes of a good leader when handling conflict 13

7. Summary 20



1. Session Purpose and Outcomes:

The purpose and outcomes of this CPD session is to enable delegates to:

Understand the main sources of conflict

Learn techniques and tactics for managing conflict

Implement strategies to mitigate the risk of conflict

Approach and handle a difficult / challenging conversation

Develop attributes of a good leader in a conflict situation

Mediate a conflict situation within your own team

Apply strategies to reduce conflict across departments.

2. Introduction

For most people, volatile situations are uncomfortable and cause a lot of stress and

negative emotions. However, conflict is inevitable and also associated with creativity.

Without conflict there is no major personal change or social progress. On the other

hand, runaway conflict (as in modern war) can destroy what men intended to save by it.

Conflict management then becomes crucially important. This involves accepting or even

encouraging such conflict as necessary, but at the same time doing everything possible

to keep it to the minimum essential to change, to confine it to the least destructive forms

and to resolve it as rapidly and constructively as possible”

(Harvey Seifert, Social Scientist and Howard Clinebell Jr., Pastoral Counsellor)

Managing Conflict Through Assertiveness


3. What is Conflict?

‘A process that begins when one party perceives that another party has negatively

affected, or is about to negatively affect, something the other party cares about I.e. a

difference of opinion, values or points of view’

One of the major causes of stress is unresolved conflict. Managing a conflict situation is not something we are born with – it is an acquired behaviour.



3.1. Common Sources of Conflict Conflict in a workplace setting can be a normal part of doing business. In some cases, conflict

that is managed properly can be beneficial, as when it fosters an environment of healthy

competition. However, conflict may also have a detrimental effect. As a manager or business

owner, you need to be aware of potential sources of conflict within your work environment

Some of the most common sources of conflict in the workplace today are:

Change

Implementation of new technology, legislation, processes, and systems can all lead to stressful change. Workers who don't adapt well to change can become overly stressed, which increases the likelihood of conflict in the workplace.

Interpersonal Relationships

When different personalities come together in a workplace, there is always the possibility they won't mesh. Office gossip and rumors can also serve as a catalyst for deterioration of co-worker relationships.

External Changes

When the economy slides into a recession or a new competitor swoops in and steals some of a company's market share, it can create tension within the company. This stress can lead to conflict between employees and even between upper levels of management.

Poor Communication

Companies or supervisors that don't communicate effectively can create conflict. For example, a supervisor who gives unclear instructions to employees can cause confusion as to who is supposed to do what, which can lead to conflict.

Subpar Performance

When a worker in a department is not "pulling his weight," it can lead to conflict within the department, perhaps even escalating into a confrontational situation. A supervisor who fails to acknowledge or address the situation can add fuel to the fire.

Harassment

Harassment in the workplace can take many forms, such as sexual or racial harassment or even the hazing of a new employee. Companies that don't have strong harassment policies in place are in effect encouraging the behavior, which can result in conflict.



Limited Resources

Companies that are looking to cut costs may scale back on resources such as office equipment, access to a company vehicle or the spending limit on expense accounts. Employees may feel they are competing against each other for resources, which can create friction in the workplace.

Pressure Life today as we all know is highly pressurised. A little pressure is always good to drive performance and stretch us but too much pressure leads to a lack of focus and clarity, which often results in conflict.

4. Strategies to Mitigate Conflict If we are to successfully deal with conflict, we need to know what to look out for. This will help us to prevent the situation from getting out of control.

4.1. Signs of Conflict

Knowing what to look for:

Anticipation – being vaguely aware of differences and changes that may cause conflict

Conscious but unexpressed differences – internalised awareness of specific areas of difference and problematic issues, focus still on common goals, less on differences

Discussion – conflict addressed openly and parties are made aware of issues, people still productive but focus shifting

Open Dispute – arguments, both parties conscious of issues and differences, group losing sight of common goals, lower productivity, strained relationships, more pressure

Open Conflict – heated words and debate, no backing down, resolutions not top priority, differences very evident, communication guarded and not open

Division – unresolved issues, separation and division, people taking sides, allied groups forming, negativity, hostility, resentment, tension



4.2. Guidelines for Handling Conflict:

Acknowledge the conflict

Identify the real conflict– what exactly is the real issue?

Listen actively to all points of view – what is your viewpoint?

Explore and generate ways of resolving the conflict – how can we solve this?

Select a solution and clarify responsibilities – who will do what?

Schedule a follow up – when can we meet to check up?

Remember:

Avoid getting personal and vindictive

Keep your voice low and calm

Use ‘I messages’ to avoid blaming by saying “You... ” And ask questions for clarification and reflection

Express appreciation and use empathy to show you value the person’s input. I have understood you

Listen and observe non-verbal signals – what is their body language telling you about them?

4.3. Assisting Others With Handling Conflict

Determine if you are the best person to assist with the conflict

Avoid being judge and jury and allow both parties a chance to voice their opinions openly without interruption

Summarise what each one has said

Confirm the accuracy of what you have summarised by asking questions

Establish the best points of agreement

Clarify the points of difference

Create a shared vision – ask both parties what their ideal situation would be

Generate a possible solution by asking both parties for input and making mutually beneficial suggestions

Reach an agreement to implement and assess the solution – allow people to take shared responsibility for solutions



4.4. Applying Empathy

To become successful at managing emotional and irate people better, we need to be able to recognise what they are feeling.

Empathy is the power of imaginatively experiencing another’s experience.

4.4.1: Tips for Using Empathy Effectively

Empathy can effectively build a bridge for two-way communication. Effective use of empathy allows people to express exactly how they feel and lets them know that you care enough to listen.

“The psychological equivalent of air is to feel understood.”

Stephen Covey



In order to achieve this, use the following techniques:

Listen for feelings

The most critical skill with regards to empathy is your ability to listen to what the person is feeling, even when they aren’t saying anything. When dealing with people face-to-face, look at their facial expressions and body language. These are all clues that can allow you to delve into unspoken feelings through open-ended questioning. Over the phone, you listen to their vocal tone and their choice of words

Focus on solutions

Once people have had the opportunity to express their emotions and are assured that you understand, you can then focus on a solution and take actions

-



The rule with irate people is always …

Feelings First, Facts Second

The reason for this is that an emotional person is not always a rational person. Our aim is not to beat them at an argument or make them angrier - it is to diffuse the emotions in order to deal with the real issues.

Useful empathy statements:

It’s clear you’re concerned about this

I can hear you’re worried about this

I’d be frustrated too if a client messed me around like that

I’d also be anxious if my salary was paid late

It must be most annoying to repeat yourself over and over again

It can be very confusing when one person tells you one thing and another person tells you something else.

It sounds like you’ve been let down / disappointed

It wouldn’t surprise me if you felt confused

It can be very upsetting when someone else causes you to miss a deal/sale

It sounds like you’ve been having a hard time

That must have been very frustrating

What does empathy do for us?

Gets emotional content out of the way, and allows us to proceed with business

When the other person feels heard and understood, more chance of working towards a solution

Demonstrates that we are human

Keeps us from sounding defensive, and reduces the possibility of an argument

Can turn a negative situation into a positive one



5. Steps for Handling Challenging Conversations

5.1. What I want to talk about and why – acknowledge the person

Use their names

Demonstrate empathy – be careful of assuming how you think they feel, so use empathy statements like “It can be very frustrating when …….”

Apologise if appropriate – avoid agreeing with negative statements made about the company or your department, shifting blame or giving the person negative inside information

5.2. Gather further information to assess the situation To do this you need information. Ask the other person relevant questions to discover the facts. Do not waste time, so ensure that the questions are focused and relevant.

5.3. Check Understanding

To ensure that you have listened effectively, you need to test your understanding by summarising or rephrasing. The other person then has the opportunity to add more information or correct any misunderstandings. It builds confidence and gives them a sense of being heard.

5.4. Explore alternatives to sort out the conflict

Make sure that the information is clear, relevant and easy to understand. Where possible, offer an alternative and allow them to decide on which option they would prefer. Provide information that anticipates future needs e.g. “In order to prevent this from happening again in future you could ……..”

5.5. Agree on an action plan- who’s accountable for what

Offer a realistic and workable solution and explain what action/s will be taken. Take responsibility for carrying out the actions proposed.

5.6. Set a follow up date to review progress

Check in with each other to ensure satisfaction.



Remember:

Give the person your full attention

Use active listening to show that they have your full attention

Do not interrupt

Avoid getting defensive

Don’t take it personally

Keep your voice low and calm

Use ‘I’ messages to avoid blaming by saying ‘you’

Ask questions for clarification

Take notes

Focus on the facts as well as the feelings – hear what they are not saying

Ask appropriate questions



6. Attributes of a good leader when handling conflict

Leaders need to manage conflict when it arises. Conflict situations differ from situation to

situation and person to person, so where do leaders start when they want to understand the

conflict styles of themselves and others?

A useful tool for developing this knowledge is the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI). TKI is a tool that assesses an individual's typical behavior in conflict situations, describing the

behaviors along two dimensions: assertiveness and cooperativeness. TKI helps leaders

understand how interpersonal group dynamics are affected by conflict-handling styles, as well

as helps them make informed decisions about choosing an appropriate style when approaching

a conflict situation.

These five Conflict-Handling Styles are: Competing:

You try to satisfy your own concerns at another's expense. You win and they lose. Some people

think competing is bad. I counter that it's not bad; competition is necessary at times, based on

the situation. However, if you only manage conflict through competition, then you are

Competing: You try to satisfy your own concerns at another’s expense. You win and they lose.

Some people think competing is bad, but it is not all bad, competition is necessary at times,

based on the situation. However, if you only manage conflict through competition, then you are

ineffectively managing situations and people.

Collaborating: You try to find a solution to conflict that satisfies all concerned--a win-win.

Collaboration takes a lot of time, resources, energy and bandwidth. Though many leaders

encourage collaboration, it is often difficult for both parties to get exactly what they want, which

is why it is often used in high risk situations. Often, when people say "collaborate" they actually

mean either "compromise" or just "work together."

Compromising: Your solution only partially satisfies each member in the conflict. There are no

winners and no losers. Compromise is an acceptable solution; however, be aware that if you are

a leader who only compromises, the team may start to game the system and ask for more than

what they truly need as they know their leader will compromise during the negotiations.



Avoiding: You don't try to satisfy yourself or other people involved in the conflict. Instead, you

stay away from the situation entirely. This mode is used when emotions are running high. To be

honest, Avoiding is a Band-Aid for the conflict situation; nothing is resolved and the topic is put

into a parking lot until later. The fact is you will have to eventually deal with the conflict.

Accommodating: You are willing to sacrifice your own needs and desires for other people

involved in the conflict. You lose and they win. Some people think accommodation equates to

being a doormat. I often hear "Only wimps accommodate; I have a business to run." This is

untrue. Accommodation is the best tool to use when you are not the subject matter expert or

when the outcome is not that important to you.

Effective leaders need to understand all five conflict-handling modes, and be able to identify the

best mode to use for various situations. To help illustrate when to use, and when not to use,

each conflict-handling mode, I've developed a cheat sheet.



When do we use which style? Below you will find an explanation of when to use, and when not to use, each conflict-handling

mode in relation to common conflicts encountered in the business world. Also included are signs

that indicate you may be overusing one particular mode.

C O M P E T I N G When to use: There is an emergency that requires quick and decisive action.

When unpopular steps are necessary, such as enforcing rules, disciplining team members

or cutting costs.

The company / deal is on the line and you know what it will take to get it back on track.

Some people will take advantage of those who display noncompetitive behavior. In this

case, it is necessary to adopt a competitive strategy to protect yourself and your interests.

Job interviews, negotiating pay and getting on your manager's calendar.

When not to use: If the outcome doesn't really matter to you and there is no reason to compete.

When you are not the subject matter expert, competing for the strongest voice is

inappropriate and will create even more conflict.

It is easy to become competitive when you are angry and want to prove a point. Using

whatever power you have to express this anger is not effective behavior for leaders.

You may be overusing the competing mode of conflict-handling if you find yourself

surrounded by "yes people," or if others are afraid to admit mistakes or ask you questions.

A C C O M M O D A T I N G When to use: Preserving harmony is the most important aspect of the conflict situation.

The issue at hand is much more important to the other person.

You realize you are wrong. Accommodating in this situation shows that you are reasonable.

You want to build social credits for future use.

You are outmatched; it would only damage your cause in the long run if you didn't

accommodate.

Employee development is your goal; letting your team experiment and learn from their

mistakes will enable that.



When not to use: Safety and security are paramount to resolving the conflict.

The outcome of the conflict is vital to the organization's success.

You may be overusing the accommodating mode if discipline in the organization is lax, or if

you feel your ideas and concerns don't get the appropriate level of attention.

A V O I D I N G When to use: Emotions are high, and people need to cool down. The issue at hand is actually just a result of a much simpler issue that can be solved more

easily. Your team is fully capable of solving the conflict without your involvement. More information should be gathered before facing the conflict, in order to resolve it more

productively. The benefit of facing the conflict does not outweigh the cost of doing so. There are more pressing issues at hand. When not to use:

The decision at hand must be made quickly.

The core reason is to avoid a frank conversation.

You may be overusing the avoiding mode if there is coordination trouble due to waiting

on input, there is an atmosphere of "walking on eggshells," or decisions about important

issues are being made by default.

C O L L A B O R A T I N G When to use: Your objective is to learn from the conflict. Collaborating is a good way to explore other

people's views.

There are hard feelings between members of the conflict that need to be resolved to

improve the organization as a whole.

The concerns of both parties are too important to be compromised.

When not to use: A quick decision is imperative to the situation.

Resources are tight.

The conflict is trivial, and doesn't need the time necessary for collaborating.

You may be overusing the collaborative approach to conflict if others are uncommitted to

your decisions or policies.



C O M P R O M I S I N G When to use: The potential disruption involved with asserting your goals is not worth the effort.

The opposing members of the conflict are of equal power standing.

You realize the situation is complicated and needs more time to solve than is available. A

temporary solution is needed.

There is immense time pressure.

When not to use: When compromising ultimately undermines the values and principles of the organization.

If an attitude of gaming is noticed, which will deflect attention away from the merits of the

actual issues at hand.

You may be overusing the compromising mode if the insistence on compromising takes

away focus on larger issues, or if you notice a cynical climate of gamesmanship.

To be most effective, leaders need to use all of these conflict styles. Being adaptable and

nimble is a strength when it comes to facing conflict. Understanding these different ways of

approaching conflict also develops Emotional Intelligence (EQ), another key element to

successful leadership.

Time to Test Your Conflict-Handling Skills

Do you have a good grasp of your preferred conflict style? While experiencing conflict, do you

feel you are aware enough to adopt the most productive conflict-handling mode?



What is your primary conflict-handling intention? Indicate how often you rely on each of the following tactics by circling the number on the right that you

feel is most appropriate.

Rarely Always

1 I argue my case with my co-workers to show the merits of my position 1 2 3 4 5

2 I negotiate with my co-workers so that a compromise can be reached 1 2 3 4 5

3 I try to satisfy the expectations of my co-workers 1 2 3 4 5

4 I investigate an issue with my co-workers to find a solution acceptable to

all

1 2 3 4 5

5 I am firm in pursuing my side of the issue 1 2 3 4 5

6 I attempt to avoid being ‘put on the spot’ and try to keep my conflict with

my co-workers to myself

1 2 3 4 5

7 I stick to my solution of a problem 1 2 3 4 5

8 I use ‘give and take’ so that a compromise can be reached 1 2 3 4 5

9 I exchange accurate information with my co-workers to solve a problem

together

1 2 3 4 5

10 I avoid open discussion of my differences with my co-workers 1 2 3 4 5

11 I accommodate the wishes of my co-workers 1 2 3 4 5

12 I try to bring all our concerns out in the open so that the issues can be

resolved in the best possible way

1 2 3 4 5

13 I propose a middle ground for breaking deadlocks 1 2 3 4 5

14 I tend to go along with the suggestions of my co-workers 1 2 3 4 5

15 I try to keep the disagreements with my co-workers to myself in order to

avoid hard feelings

1 2 3 4 5



Scoring and interpretation:

To determine your primary conflict-handling intention, place the number you circled (1 – 5) that

represents your score for each statement next to the number for that statement. Then total up

the columns.

Competing Collaborating Avoiding Accommodating Compromising

1 4 6 3 2

5 9 10 11 8

7 12 15 14 13

Your primary conflict-handling intention is the category with the highest total. Your fall-back

intention is the category with the second-highest total.



7. Summary

Remember that it is never personal – it’s only anger talking

Detach yourself and put yourself in their shoes

Never patronise or minimise the other party

Allow the person to vent – never interrupt!

Read between the lines and try and see both sides of the story

Be careful of prescribing – pushing your ideas and solutions

Listen for feelings first and facts second

Ask appropriate questions and allow the person to make suggestions

Clarify details and never assume

Treat ALL people as equals

managing conflict in the workplace - delegates notes

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