manager coach certification -...

INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY OF NEURO-SEMANTICS

Manager Coach Certification

Module 1 – Coaching Fundamentals

Taryn Sydow and Michele Wickham

Version 1.1 – March 2012

© 2012 Optimal & L. Michael Hall Ph.D. - 1 - Manager Coach Certification

Coaching Fundamentals

Day 1

Page 3

Introduction and welcome

Expectations

Explanation of program structure and pathway to

accreditation

What is coaching?

The different types of coaching.

What is NLP, Neuro-Semantics and Meta-Coaching

The self-actualization quadrants

Day 2

Page 35

NLP/NS Pre-suppositions

Mind to Muscle Pattern

Rapport / Supporting

Representational Systems

Listening

Day 3

Page 62

NLP/NS Pre-suppositions


Eye Accessing Cues

Representational predicates

Cognitive Distortions

Well Formed Outcome


Day 1 – Awakening Possibilities

Frames of mind for the training 3

Goals for training 6

Program Structure 7

Pathway to Accreditation 8

What is Coaching? 9

Different types of coaching 11

5 Levels of focus 12

What is Meta-Coaching? 13

NLP and Neuro-Semantics 19

The principles of coaching 21

Self-Actualisation Quadrants 27

Self-Actualisation quadrants applied to organisational culture 31

Reflection Sheet for Day 1 34


Frames of mind for this training program

1. You are here for a reason

It is a great honour and achievement to be selected on this program and as an ambassador of the culture, it

is expected that this program will em-power you to become more influential in powerfully impacting the

culture of your organisation.

2. This program is about applying what you learn

This program is as much about learning as it is about doing and becoming a coach. This means that this

program has many practical elements which you are expected to participate in fully. They are not role

plays; they are about your personal transformation and application of the principles to you.

3. Learning is a process

The first step to learning is to acknowledge what you don’t know and this takes courage and can feel

uncomfortable …. If you feel anxious or stressed, that is ok it means you are learning. Our role is to take you

through this process and support and challenge you if necessary so you can get as much as possible from

this process.


4. Celebration of small steps is essential

When a baby learns to walk, we naturally and intuitively celebrate each little step they take. This

encouragement is essential to motivating the baby to continue learning. In the same way we approach that

we would like you to start counting your own and other’s steps forward in this journey. Each practical is an

opportunity to learn and we encourage you to focus both on what you have learnt and what you can focus

on the next time.

5. This program requires presence

This program demands a lot, in respect of time, energy and focus. It requires you to be present here and

not worrying about what is happening at home or the office. You will get plenty of breaks to check emails,

phone call’s etc. so give yourself permission to focus on yourself and your own path towards development

in this training. Nothing will fall apart in 2 hours! Take a moment and write down all the things you know

that you need to do so that you know that you can access them later. Free up your mind to be here, now.

6. Frame of mind for the program (each day)

Your attitude is everything and you have a choice of how you engage with this training. What frame of mind

do you need to be in to get the most from this training?


7. What you put in, is what you get out

This training is inter-active, it is about learning and sharing and growing. The pace and process is designed

to stretch you, yet it is adapted by the conversation and questions you bring to the training. Please engage,

reflect, ask questions, share learning’s, clarify awareness’s, and inter-act with the facilitators, bench

markers and your colleagues. It is also important that you are able to find practical ways of applying this to

your organization, so please share your thoughts and ideas around taking this forward.

8. The triads, feedback and role of the bench marker

Through-out this training starting from day 2, there will be triads. Triads are practical coaching sessions

where each of you will be given an opportunity to coach, be coached and observe the coaching session. We

will be joined by a few other people who are accredited, successful coaches and they will be benchmarking

these triads. The benchmarks are designed in a way to give you meaningful feedback on what was observed

in the coaching session (and not an opinion). The role of the bench-markers and the triads is not to test

you. They are valuable opportunities to implement the learning and each bench marker is here to support

you in your journey.

9. This is an investment in you

This program will change you; it will give you a new perspective on who you are. The organization is

investing in you as human being’s.

10. This is a safe place

You are each going to go on a personal journey, and our role as facilitators is to support you through the

process. As colleagues please respect each person’s uniqueness, privacy and as a group we ask you to keep

any personal sharing’s confidential.

11. There is no such thing as failure, only feedback

You cannot fail this program, if at the end of the journey you have not reached the benchmarks or

accreditation criteria, every effort will be made by the facilitators and organization to support you in

achieving those criteria. However this is a voluntary program and if at any point you feel that this is not

what you expected it to be or not the right thing for you then you may withdraw from the process. During

the program you will receive loads of feedback. Feedback is a gift, it is an opportunity to reflect and learn

and you always have a choice in what you do with the feedback you receive. We encourage you to see the

gift in each piece of feedback you receive.

12. Attendance and commitment

Part of the accreditation of this program is about attending the training, focus groups, practical and

coaching sessions. As well as attending we expect commitment, which is evidenced through engagement,

application, sharing and learning. There is a sign in register for us to track attendance and if you are going

to miss more than one hour then you will need to make up that training in a one on one session at an

additional cost to the organization. You are all adults and have many priorities so we understand if you


need to attend other things during this training, we will however not give permission to this. It remains

your choice and your accountability to make up the time to be accredited.

13. Role of facilitation team

The facilitation team are all accredited Meta-Coaches and are here to support you in your growth. Should

you need any support or have any concerns, queries, questions or comments please feel free to engage

with any one of us.

14. What does your accreditation mean?

Once you have completed this training and reached accreditation, you will be em-powered to be Coaches in

your organization. It does not give you a recognized accreditation in the market as an external coach. If any

of you would like to take this forward into a career as a coach, you would need to complete additional

training to achieve this. You will receive an accreditation from the ISNS (International Society of Neuro-

Semantics)

Goals for Training

Goal 1

Goal 2

Goal 3


Structure of training program

The training program focuses on five key elements:


The accreditation process.

o Commitment

This includes attendance, engagement and task completion.

o Skills Development

The delegates will participate in coaching sessions during the trainings; these sessions will be

observed and benchmarked against required standards to demonstrate the skills. The

benchmarking forms an integral part of the accreditation.

o Practical experience and application

Each delegate will have an interview post the training to assess their knowledge, awareness and

understanding of the models and tools.

Feedback forms from practical coaching sessions will provide external input to effectiveness of

coaching.

o Coach-ability

A key part of the accreditation will be the ability for the coaches to apply the principles to

themselves and this will be continuously assessed and feedback will be given to the coaches in this

regard.

All 4 of these areas are tracked by the facilitation team and feedback is given to each delegate through the

process so that they can incorporate the learning’s into their personal development.

The overall intent is to support the delegates to accreditation. Delegates may also choose to dis-continue

the process after Module 1 if they then feel that this is not the right journey for them, or they don’t have

capacity or any other reason that may apply.

The following diagram reflects the accreditation areas and how they are monitored.


What is coaching?

Coaching involves powerful conversation. It facilitates awareness and growth through supporting,

questioning and giving feedback, and the achievement of an agreed upon outcome. It is NOT consulting,

mentoring, counseling or therapy.

In working with a coach, an individual sets aside time to focus on themselves for personal and professional

goals. The coaching conversation creates awareness of thoughts, feelings, behaviours, needs, motivators,

areas that are working or not working, and what to do about it. It gives the space in which to decide what

action to take towards achieving goals and how, or to make changes to enhance performance, change

direction and achieve personal mastery. In the business context it is often likened to top athletes who

enlist a coach to help them work on their strengths, manage around their weaknesses, and to build lasting

strategies for success.

Coaching differs from the following professional fields, where each one has a valuable function in its own right:

Training is the process of developing skills by teaching and educating. Mentoring is the process of giving advice and guidance by sharing your own story, skills, knowledge and experience with someone less experienced in your field of expertise. Consulting is the process of advising and informing a client on how to best solve a problem. Therapy is the process of healing past hurts and resolving past issues and personal pain. The focus is usually on what is broken and dysfunctional.

The fundamental difference between coaching and the other fields is that in all the others the client is

dependent on the “expert”. Coaching assumes that the client has all the answers and the coach’s role is to

facilitate awareness so that their client becomes independent of them.

Another important distinction is the difference between using coaching skills in leadership roles, the role of

internal coach, and that of an external coach. The main difference is two-fold:

1. The level of knowledge and skill required and

2. The intention of what you do with the skill.

Coaching is described in the Meta Coach manual as follows:-

Coaching is a parson-focused conversation about success, excellence and performance that empowers a

person to move forward in life. Coaching is a catalyst for new ideas, change and enhanced performance.

Coaching is transformative learning.


Coaching enables people, gets people to perform at their best, to create and keep their purposes in mind

and to develop a dream they can take pride in.

Coaching is a managerial methodology that seeks to maximize employee performance by conscientiously

considering individuals and then unique talents and abilities.

Coaching is rooted in consistent and honest communication, is solution-orientated, collaborative and seeks

positive outcomes.

Coaching is ideal for enabling people to think for oneself, solve problems on one’s own, develop creativity,

own responsibility for actions and for talking action, dealing with problems when they first appear and

developing their own strengths.

A coach is a catalyst who forgets productive confrontation that corrects, inspires, renews and motivates.

Coaching enables people to create change through learning. It enables people being more, doing more,

achieving more, having more, and contributing more. Coaching is a conversation that opens up new vistas

of possibilities, energies, focus, skill and enjoyment.

Coaching is a form of accelerated learning that supports and facilitates enhanced performance. The coach

applies specific principles of success in a way that creates experiential learning that translates great ideas

into actual skills.

A skilled coach uses a combination of observation, listening, questioning, feedback, reflection and pattern

awareness to create a conversation rich in sight that lead to accelerated learning for improved

performance.

Coaching is the self-actualization technology for the twenty-first century that enables people to unleash

resources and by closing the knowing-doing gap, actually actualize potential. (Hall)

Coaching is a conversation, a dialogue, whereby a coach and coachee interact in a dynamic exchange to

achieve goals, enhance performance and move the coachee forward to greater success” (Zeus and

Skiffington, p. xiii)

Coaching as a unique, democratic style of exploring, learning and transferring knowledge and skills is fast

becoming the preferred style of relating in business, education, public organisations and personal life.”

(Ibid, p. xvii)

Coaching is about enabling people to create change through learning. It’s also about people being more,

doing more, achieving more and above all, contributing more” (Julie Starr, p.2)

Coaching is getting at what really matters to people. It is awakening the compassionate side of people. It is

offering spaciousness- space to feel and be who you are and can become” (Teri-E Belf, 2002)


Coaching is a systematic collaborative partnership- it is a meta-relationship. The coach develops just as

much as the individual being coached.

Different types of coaching

1) Personal Coaching (Life Coaching)

The focus here is on an individual’s life- the life/work balance, goals, purpose and meaning, relationships,

health, career and profession, wealth, lifestyle, value clarification, etc. within the Personal Coaching

category are many specialized areas:

Life Coaching Relationship Coaching

Health, Kids and Teens Coaching Career Coaching

Spiritual Coaching Wealth Coaching

Sales Coaching Image Coaching

2) Executive Coaching

Here the focus is on leadership, management, vision and mission, grooming individuals for senior

management and CEO roles. Executive Coaching can focus on performance by coaching skill enhancement

in such areas as presentation skills, negotiation, career development, leadership, etc. It can also focus on

developmental growth in relationships.

Leadership Coaching Political Coaching

Presentation Coaching

3) Internal Coaching

The focus here lies on adding “coaching” as a modality in business for leaders and managers for

communicating, relating, giving feedback, evaluating, developing, shaping performance, bringing out the

best in others as leaders and mangers within an organization. When formal, no report lines; when informal,

coaching is used by managers and CEOs for communicating.

4) Group / Team Coaching

The focus here is on groups, group dynamics, teams, interpersonal relationships, organizational

development, coaching for motivation, buy-in, responsibility, contribution, and productivity. Within this

category we have coaching for team building, coaching to build consensus, understanding, reaching

company values and vision, dealing with conflict, cultural differences, etc.

5) Business Coaching

This kind of coaching focuses on the structures and efficiency of the business, looking at the end helping

the business to work more efficiently. The Business Coach will address marketing, positioning, visioning,

financial management, problem solving, creativity, productivity, dealing with difficult people, stress

management, customer service, etc.

Creativity /Innovation Coaching Stress Management Coaching

Customer Service Coaching Problem-Solving Coaching

Time Management Coaching Brand Development Coaching

Sales Development Coaching


6) Peer or Buddy Coaching

Mutual agreeement with a peer or colleague for coaching to support personal growth and development.

7) Co-coaching

Two coaches working together to coach a client. This is often a very powerful choice for coaching. Because

so many things are going on during a coaching situation, two sets of eyes and ears often enable the coaches

to support each other and the client in being able to mirror back to the client and listen even more

thoroughly to the client.

8) Shadow Coaching

This involves “shadowing” an executive or a group of senior leaders and then feeding back the result of the

shadowing one-on-one or as a team or group process.

9) Self Coaching

Because coaching is designed as a process for developmental, the end goal is to coach ourselves out of a

job. This happens when clients learn to self-coach. Self-Coaching begins when we fully take charge of our

own life to run our own brains, manage our states and commit ourselves to ongoing learning and

development. When we are able to do this, we are able to identify skills and states for the next step in

development, set up a step-by-step action plan for getting there, and then make it happen.

5 Levels of Focus

David Rock in his book Quiet Leadership shares

the following model which provides a structure to

understanding coaching conversations.

1.Vision: This is about the “why” and the

“what”. This is about knowing

what the goal, purpose and

objective is for what you are

doing.

2. Planning: This is about “how” you are going

to get where you are going.

3. Problem: This is focusing on what is going wrong and why it is now a problem. This is even more

destructive if the focus is on who caused the problem instead of what is the problem.

Understanding the problem can be fine so long as you don’t dwell in the problem.

4. Detail: This is the detail of taking action to implement. As a leader getting stuck in the detail can

be destructive. Conversation’s that focus on the detail only do not generate any change in

performance.

5. Drama: This is where the conversation is all about the emotion and the irrelevant details that we

love to talk about. This can also be referred to as the gossip.


Meta-coaching

Meta-Coaching begins as a cognitive-behaviour model as it explores how the mind-body-emotion system

works, learns and is transformed via how meaning (semantics) are incorporated in the body (neurology).

Meta-Coaching also uses a cognitive-behavioural framework for the conversation and communicational

facets of coaching. This arises from the NLP foundation on the work of Virginia Satir (Family Systems), Fritz

Perls (Gesalt Therapy), Milton Erickson (Ericksonian hypnosis), Gregory Bateson (cybernetics,

anthropology), Alfred Korzybski (General Semantics) and the Cognitive Psychology movement (Miller,

Pribram, Galanter, Chomsky).

Meta-Coaching also uses the advances in Development Psychology that addresses the stages of human

development, cognitively (Piaget), socially (Erickson), faith (Fowler) as well as the Self-Actualization

Psychology developed by Maslow, Rogers, May, Assagioli, etc.

The Models of Meta-Coaching

1) The NLP Communication Model

This details the structure the mental representational movie that plays out in “the theatre of our mind”

creating our thinking-feeling states.

2) The Meta-States Model of Reflexivity

A model for understanding and working with self-reflexive consciousness by which we react to ourselves

and create our meaning-making matrix that governs our performance. This model uses the meta-levels that

make up the psycho-logics of our mind to detect and work with the higher frames of our mind.

3) The Matrix Model for working Systematically

An overall cognitive-behavioural and developmental framework for working systematically with human

processing and integration. With the Matrix model we can detect, enter and profile a person’s structure of

meaning-making and intervene in the mind-body-emotion system for transformation and enrichment. A

practical application of the Matrix Model is the Matrix Business Plan- a process we use for enabling people

to create an integrated business plan. Another practical application is the program, coaching to the Matrix,

a tool every Meta-Coach has access to in building a coaching practice.

4) The Axis of Change for Generative Change

A model that uses the four mechanism of change for self-actualizing people and companies, a model that

does avoid the two features that characterize therapeutic models: resistance and relapse.

5) The Benchmarking model for Measuring and Implementing Change

This model uses the concepts of the expanded Meta-Model (Communication Magic) to operationalize what

we mean by the intangible and soft skills such as listening, questioning, supporting, customer service, needs

analysis etc. The pattern for creating KPIs with client is a specific expression of benchmarking.


6) The Self-Actualization Quadrants model

How do people actualize their best self, skills and potentials? How do we move into the dimensional called

“self-actualization” and peaks experiences? Exploring these questions in Neuro-Semantics has led to the

creation of several Self-Actualization models: the Quadrants utilize meaning and performance as two key

axes. There is also the Matrix of Self-Actualization.

7) The Facilitation Model

The skill of facilitating is a function of creating relationship through listening and supporting and then using

questions, state induction and feedback to challenge a client. Coaching as facilitation depends on

synergizing care (heart) and challenges (performance) to get a client to actualize his or her highest and best

potentials.

Two additional Models

1) The Meta-Programs

Meta-Programs come from NLP as a model about our perceptual lens- how we pay attention and sort for

things. The Meta-States model (1994) revealed that meta-programs are solidified meta-states (Meta-States,

2008, Figuring out People, 2005). For a meta-coach Meta-Programs play an intimate role. We inevitably

coach to a person’s meta-programs.

2) The Matrix Business Plan

A model for creating a business plan that goes beyond merely the contextual facets of market needs

analysis, market analysis, finances, capitalization, market environment, etc. to including the person

engaging in the business – the required skills and competencies, identify, meanings states, etc. This

integrates the business plan with the person so that it has a fit with the person’s meaning, intentions, skills,

identity, etc.

THE META-COACH SYSTEM

Excerpt from “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Meta-Coaching But

Didn’t Know Who to Ask “ by L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

Yes, when you first look at the Meta-Coach System it can be confusing. That’s because it is rich, complex,

layered, has numerous steps and stages, is the most systematic approach to the field of coaching and so

can easily overwhelm and confuse. Since that is not our design, let me see if I can de-mystify the Meta-

Coach System and answer common questions we receive.

The Name

The term “meta” (pronounced “met” as in “I met a fascinating coach the other day”) is a Greek term for

“above, higher, and about.” In coaching, it refers to coaching at a higher level. It refers to not coaching the

content of a person’s expertise or area, but to the processes and structures that govern that content—to

the invisible processes in the back of the mind that governs our thinking and emoting. A sports coach may

not have the expertise of the player being coached. Michael Jordan’s coach undoubtedly cannot play like

Michael Jordan. Don’t expect Tiger Woods’ coach to play better golf than Tiger. Their expertise is not in the


content of the game. The expertise of a great coach concerns the form, structure, and process of how the

client works or operates. In Meta-Coaching, the coach works with the invisible structures behind the scene

that controls the client’s expertise. The Meta-Coach works with beliefs, perceptual filters (called meta-

programs), thinking patterns (called cognitive schemas), and self-reflexive consciousness (called meta-

states).

All of these frames of mind that the client brings to the session operate “in the back of the mind” and these

are the frames that the Meta-Coach can detect, identify, and address. And doing so often finds “the switch”

as the leverage point for transformative change.

The Structure

Meta-Coach is based on several models that address the seven components or elements of “coaching”

itself. That is, if you were to ask, “What is coaching?” the answer lies in seven factors that make up the

discipline and field of coaching.

What are these seven components?

Coaching as a discipline is—

1) Communication — a conversation like none other that focuses exclusive on a client’s best dreams and

hopes for a more compelling future.

2) Unconscious back-of-the-mind communication that elicits the mental and emotional frames which

governs the client’s experience that gets to the heart of things.

3) Generative change — that takes the client to his or her next level of development and/or even

transformation.

4) The implementation of the change — so that the solution, new performance, or difference can be

actualized in the world, made real, and the progress that makes can then be measured.

5) Systemic thinking and working — so that the conversation and change is holistic and healthy for every

aspect of the client’s life.

6) The self-actualizing of one’s highest and best potentials — so that the client moves to his or her next

level of development and success and unleashes potentials.

7) The facilitation of all of these dynamic processes — a conversation that enables the client to find, access,

and mobilize his or her best resources for making the change real.

If this is what coaching is then what are the models that can enable a Coach to effectively coach? We asked

that question at the beginning when we first designed Meta-Coaching and we came up with the following

models. These models inform and guide a coach in the actual practice of coaching.

Models for a Meta-Coach for Effective Coaching

1) Communication The NLP Communication Model

2) Reflexive unconscious communication The Meta-States Model of Reflexivity

3) Generative change for transformation The Axes of Change; The Crucible

4) Implementation and Measurement Benchmarking Model; Mind-to-Muscle Pattern

5) Working Systemically The Matrix Model

6) Self-Actualization Self-Actualization Quadrants

7) Facilitation of multiple processes The Facilitation Model


The Modules of Meta-Coaching

This structure now explains the first three modules of the Meta-Coaching System. If Meta-Coaching is

based on seven models, then the modules provides a training program for learning and practicing the

models.

Module I: Coaching Essentials.

The essentials of the NLP Communication model that enable a coach to powerfully and effectively engage

in a conversation like none-other that facilitates the unleashing of potentials and generative change as a

Coach asks incredible questions that call forth the best in the client. In Module I you learn the Meta-Model

of Language that was modelled from two world-class communicators who could facilitate transformative

change by their questions— Fritz Perls and Virginia Satir. You also learn the basic NLP communication

principles: We communicate from state to state; the meaning of your communication is the response you

get; effective communication begins by entering into the client’s world and matching it; resistance indicates

the lack of rapport in the communication; etc. You also learn fifteen basic meta-programs that govern

communicating and how to recognize and use a person’s communication style.

Module II: Coaching Genius.

In this module you learn the essence of how to work with the special kind of consciousness that humans

have— self-reflexive consciousness. If you don’t know how to get to the thoughts and feelings “in the back

of the mind” of a client, you will miss the most important beliefs, frames, understandings, permissions,

decisions, etc. of the client. But when you can recognize the layers and spiralling levels of the client’s

thinking-feeling, you can get to the heart of things quickly. Then you can get to the heart of the client’s

meaning-making processes and facilitate a fierce conversation like none-other. In this module, you learn

the Meta-States Model and experience 14 Meta-State patterns that are all coaching patterns. The

immediate application is for accessing your own personal genius or mastery so that you can step in and out

of your best “flow” state and so be “in the zone” at your will. This will empower you with the very best

state to operate from as a Coach.

Module III: Coaching Mastery.

We call Module III the Coaching Boot-camp because this is the 8-day intensive (9 am to 9 pm daily) where

you learn the next five models. Yet even more important than the presentations and learning’s are the

practices— every day you will do a full coaching session and you will be a client and you will watch a

coaching session from a meta-position. And during the coaching sessions, you will be benchmarked on the

seven coaching skills so that you know where you are, what you do well, your strengths, and what you need

to do to take your skills to the next level — and reach competency level. In this module you learn the

Facilitation Model so that you can operate as a Change Agent as a Coach (the Axes of Change Model), so

that you can think and work systemically with your client and be able to “follow their energy through their

mind-body system” (the Matrix Model), so that you enable the implementation of the change in the

contexts of their life and measure their progress (the Benchmarking Model), so that they unleashing their

highest meanings and best potentials (the Self-Actualization Quadrants). In this module you will experience

group coaching as you and a small group of other coaches will become a team and then as a team become

a high performance team as you complete a benchmarking project on some skill or intangible value. Later

you will step back with your Team Leader to reflect on the group coaching skills used. In this module you

will see and experience two expert Coaches being interviewed and modelled. We do this so that you can

develop your personal business plan for how to engage in the Business of Coaching. This will enable you to

complete a Matrix Business Plan or if you work within an organization, your Professional Development Plan.


Because the business side of coaching is where most Coaches fail, we devote significant time in this module

for the business side of marketing, selling, entrepreneur-ing, organizing, etc.

In Module III we bring in a group of Team Leaders as part of the Leadership Team. These are successful

Meta-Coaches who run their own coaching practices. They are there first and foremost as team leaders and

bench-markers, yet they are also there to support and enable participants to reach competency and have a

great experience.

Benefits of the Meta-Coach System

As you can tell, the system is complex and layered. From the beginning it has been on the cutting-edge of

the field of coaching. One of our objectives is to lead the field of coaching so that it eventually becomes a

Profession. And to do that we have designed it to be professional in the way it prepares participants to run

a successful coaching business and to know what you are doing. What are the benefits that you will receive

as a graduate of the Meta-Coach System? Here are some of the key benefits:

* Become a Self-Actualization Coach!

Since Coaching is based on self-actualization psychology and is all about facilitating people actualizing their

highest and best— Meta-Coaching provides you the basics of Self-Actualization Psychology and training in

how to facilitate the unleashing process for individuals, for leaders, managers, and companies. No other

Coach Training can claim that.

You will learn how to use the Self-Actualization Quadrants to awaken and actualize the highest and best in

people for creating synergy on the Meaning / Performance Axes. Then you will be able to facilitating people

achieving peak performance in their chosen areas. You will be able to facilitate people create

meaningfulness in life – and so enjoying peak experiences. You will also experience this first-hand— the

unleashing of your skills and potentials.

* Develop a fully Systematic Approach

Meta-Coaching is the first and still, only Coach training that is fully systematic. We have analysed coaching”

as involving 7 features or components; then to each we have identified or created a model that enables us

to deal with that component. The result is that you can answer the question— How do you know what to

do, when, and with whom and why? And as you learn that you will then develop the self-confidence for

knowing what you are doing and being able to explain why. This then gives you a scientific foundation for

enabling clients to unleash their highest and best potentials. In it you have a way to rigorously measure

improvement, progress, and even to measure the competency of any skill or intangible value.

* Achieve the Status of an ACMC Coach

You will receive an International certification and be part of a world-wide community. The MCF (Meta-

Coach Foundation) is equivalent to the ICF as a certifying body. What are the differences? MCF, like ICF, has

a set of skills and has benchmarked the coaching skills whereas the ICF has not. Also MCF has a board of

examiners to provide a way to police the ethics and standards of Meta-Coaching, the ICF has not yet

established this. The MCF standards are higher than the ICF.

As a certified Meta-Coach, you will receive on-going support as you will be added to the exclusive Meta-

Coach email group and receive a 2-page article from Dr. Michael Hall each week. It is a way to stay in touch

with the other 860 Meta-Coaches around the world. And as a Meta-Coach, you can join (or create) a local

MCF chapter for practice.

* Hands on Guidance in lots of practice

In the Meta-Coach training you will do a full coaching session 6 times, be a client 6 times and be in the

meta-position 6 times. This will give you lots of experiences in the actual hands-on experience of coaching.


When you are Coach in your coaching sessions, your skills will be benchmarked by an experienced team

leader/ bench-marker. This will give you immediate, hands-on experience about your strengths and

weaknesses so that you know what to do to reach competency. You’ll practice under the expert eyes of

experienced Meta-Coaches who will provide you on-the-spot, moment-by-moment feedback. No other

Coach Training in the world offers this.

* Many Rich Coaching Experiences

In addition to receiving coaching sessions every day on what you choose which will enable and enrich your

experience as a coach, some of the participants will have the opportunity to be coached by one of the

Meta-Coach trainers. You will learn to distinguish the levels of coaching – Performance Coaching,

developmental Coaching, and Transformational Coaching. You will also get to coach many different people

over the 8 days as a stretch from coaching just one kind of person.

* For the powerful and cutting-edge patterns that you will learn.

The training manual contains 20 to 30 coaching patterns. This extends the 14 you received in Module II (the

Meta-States training) and the 10 or so in Module I (the NLP Training). So you will have a large range of

patterns that you can immediately begin using as a Coach. You will be able to Extend Meta-programs or

extending your Personality Style; you will learn some powerful questions for Torpedo Coaching. You will

experience the De-Contamination Chamber to get your ego out of the way and be “clean” as a Coach for

your clients.

There is the KPI pattern: Getting a Precise Objective for a Coaching Session. There are the Axes of Change

patterns for a Non-Therapeutic Change Model for Psychologically healthy people. There is the Unleashing

Potentials pattern, the Social Panorama pattern, and many, many more.

* Competency Benchmarks

While the ICF and other Coach trainings also have “Coaching Skills,” Meta-Coaching is the only Coach

Training System that has benchmarked the skills. Each day you will get immediate feedback about what

you’re doing very well and what will take your skills to the next level. This will be tough and challenging and

yet it creates clarity about your skill level that you can’t get anywhere else.

You will also learn the Benchmarking Model and this will enable you to be able to set up measurements for

individuals and organizations for measuring progress. And it is with the measuring of progress that

establishes “the value” that you add to people and companies. If you can’t measure it, how can you

credibly say that your work has such and such value?

* Learn about different kinds of coaching domains

You will learn about many of the different domains that Coaches specialize in— for example, Executive

Coaching, Personal / Life coaching, Group and Team Coaching, etc. You will see the Meta-Coach Trainers

interview and model one or two Expert Coaches that we invite into the training — someone who has “been

there, done that” and provides a flesh-and-blood example of effective coaching.

* Change Agent

As a change agent, you will learn to facilitate change and to use the four mechanisms of change for people

who are psychologically healthy. You will develop skills for the 8 coaching roles as an agent of change and

be able to detect where you are with a client. You will then use these processes in your coaching sessions

to get hands-on experience with them.

* Group and Team Coaching

You will be put into a group of six others and experience group coaching from a Team Leader so that you

norm, form, storm, and then perform. As you then become a high performance team, you will be


commissioned to engage in a benchmarking project and to then perform as a team. Later you will step back

and reflect on what you learned about Group and Team coaching.

NLP and Neuro-semantics

What is NLP?

NLP is the process of modelling patterns of the conscious and unconscious mind. Richard Bandler and John

Grinder are the founders of NLP and it formed in mid 1970’s.

NLP is:

Neuro – relates to the brain and our thinking

Linguistic – relates to our language and the way we communicate

Programming – relates to the strategies we use to run our life

To put it really simply, what happens in our mind is reflected in our behaviours and experiences.

NEURO- The voluntary and autonomic nervous system through which our

experiences are processed by means of five senses: Visual, Auditory,

Kinesthetic, Olfactory and Gustatory. Neurology, the nervous system,

the physical foundations for the “abstracting” of the nervous system that

begins our “mapping” of the world out there. In our neurological mapping,

we map the world using the non-linguistic maps of the sensory systems:

Visual -Sights

Auditory -Sounds

Kinesthetic -Feelings

Olfactory -Smell

Gustatory -Taste

LINGUISTIC- The symbolic mapping that we create of the territory. It involves the

higher cortical functions in the brain which enable us to use symbols to

create language, and to map things out linguistically. This enables us to

encode, order and give meaning to our sensory representation using

much more abstract categories.

Language – Words, sentences, syntax, grammar etc.

Mathematics

Music

Non-propositional language: poetry, stories, narrative etc.

PROGRAMMING- The actual processes or patterns that we use to order and

sequence our mapping. Such “programming” generates our

strategies for functioning and results in our skills, abilities, habits,

etc. We develop “programs” for communicating, parenting,


The principles of coaching

Your skills and practice as a coach will only be as good as your governing principles.

Principles govern every field as they give explicit voice to the way a field or discipline works. These make

up the “laws” rules, or secrets about the organization of the particular expertise. This holds for selling,

influencing, therapy, wealth building, managing, parenting, etc. This also applies to coaching.

What are the principles of high quality coaching?

What are the principles for becoming the best coach you can be?

The Coach

The coach is responsible for creating the coaching environment.

Effective coaching depends upon an atmosphere of trust, safety, connection, rapport, etc.

A coach must have a robust attitude of care and faith.

Above and beyond the skills of coaching is the mind-set and attitude which is even more important-

the attitude of support and belief in the client. It takes a strong, courageous and robust attitude to

coach, an attitude of acceptance, appreciation, respect, curiosity, faith, patience and firmness.

The coach finds and holds the client’s agenda.

The work of a coach is to elicit, find and hold the client’s agenda; place for that discovery.

Coaching is never about the coach!

As a non-directive approach, we have to get our ego out of the way because the coaching is never

about us as the coach; it is always about the client. Paradoxically, it takes a lot of ego-strength to

coach in as much as it is not about you.

The coach holds an unshakable belief in the client’s potential and possibilities.

Often the coach will believe in the client much more than the client does. As a humanistic approach

coaching assumes equality of all persons. Those effective in coaching keep probing for the client’s

truth so the client will not sell him or herself short.

The coach asks questions to facilitate growth.

Coaching involves asking hundreds of questions that get to the heart of the matter, questions that

facilitate the client’s own discovery. Coaching is not giving advice.

A coach has to be firmly supportive and courageous.

Effective coaching involves challenging a client for accountability, truth telling and responsibility.

Effective coaches courageously champions change as they push and awaken the client to his or her

best.

Authenticity is the power of the best coaches.

The best coaches are congruent, aligned and authentic. The masterful ones are fully human, fully

fallible as they continue to apply the coaching processes and patterns to themselves.


It takes a good mind-body-emotion state to coach well.

The quality of our coaching depends on our states of mind and body. State management is one of

the first prerequisites for top coaching skills.

The effective coach will play to his or her strengths.

Every coach has strengths and weaknesses, so knowing and accepting them enables one to then

play to our strengths while being open to our vulnerabilities.

The Client

Coaching is all about the client.

The coaching process works to unleash the client’s resources, potentials, visions and untapped

talents and therefore it is never about the coach. The client is always more important than the

process or the objectives.

Clients are responsible for the results they get.

Coaches are responsible for facilitating the client’s empowerment. Successful coaching zooms in on

eliciting and exciting the client to take complete responsibility for self.

The client does the work.

In the coaching relationship, the client does the work, not the coach. Until the client takes

responsibility, the coaching will not work.

The client finds his or her own answers.

The coach serves as the facilitator of that exploration.

The client sets the agenda for the coaching.

Effective coaching begins and ends with facilitating the client’s goals, objectives, values and visions,

not the coach’s. To effectively coach, the coach has to operate with no agenda for the client or

about where the coaching session should go. Coaching is about being with and present for a client

and staying open to where the client wants to go.

The client has all of the necessary resources.

Effective coaching doesn’t have to teach, train, fix or give advice because coaching is about

empowering the client to access, find, create and/or sequence the resources. As coaches we seek

facilitate the development of those resources. In the end, the client is responsible for his or her

own solutions.

To succeed, a client must be coach-able.

Effective coaching is related to the client’s willingness to be coached. Those more masterful in

coaching therefore gauge the client’s state of coach-ability in terms of readiness for change,

openness to exploring, responsiveness to tasks, experiments, openness in dialogue, focus on

solutions, etc.


The Process of Coaching

Coaching involves levels and stages.

There is Performance coaching, Developmental coaching and Transformation coaching. Coaching is

not a quick fix, but rather a process of learning and developing.

Coaching involves emotions.

The best coaching elicits and activates the client’s positive and negative emotions. It uses emotions

for motivation to change. Therefore, a coach must be comfortable with strong emotions in the

client. Coaching also enhances the dimensions of emotional intelligence by facilitating self-

awareness, self-discovery and self-mastery.

Coaching is entirely experiential.

The modality of coaching is about the client experiencing new learning, actions, behaviours,

feelings, etc. In effective coaching we are not doing things to client, but with them, so that they

make changes.

The relationship in is everything.

We create that relationship with rapport, respect, honour, connection, listening, etc. We best build

a solid coaching relationship by being open and approachable.

Coaching is a meta-profession.

In coaching, coach and client move to a meta-level to deal with the structure of the client’s life,

communications and skills. It’s a ‘step back’ skill that moves a client to a higher level. The masterful

coach makes a meta-move to a higher position in order to separate structures and content.

Coaching involves states.

We always coach clients from one mind-body state to another. We always coach to elicit more

resourceful and empowered states in clients.

Coaching eliminates interferences.

A great deal of the time coaching involves simply eliminating interferences for focus and learning.

Coaching is a conversation and dialogue.

Coaching is a solution-focused conversation that accesses the client’s resources. We coach by

engaging in a dialogue around outcomes, possibilities, skills, explorations of meaning, solutions and

much more.

Coaching is a collaborative solution-focused conversation.

Effective coaching necessitates connecting with clients, creating rapport and enabling a client to

focus on a highly desired goal. Coaching requires a democratic style for exploring, learning and

transferring knowledge and skills.


Coaching is about living with passion.

Coaching expresses the coach’s passion in facilitating the unleashing of a client’s potential and

about the client’s passion to self-actualize. Quality coaching is passionate. We coach best when we

are passionate about what and why we’re doing it. We then easily communicate such to our clients.

Those masterful in coaching are powerfully passionate about facilitating another’s empowerment.

Coaching is a facilitative art.

Coaching means facilitating learning - and unlearning - to enable change to occur naturally and

easily. Coaching isn’t about imparting information, giving advice, or fixing things, it is about

facilitating higher quality thinking, goal setting and problem solving.

The coaching process is achievement and performance orientated.

The bottom-line is to create changes in behaviour and performance.

Coaching is holistic by nature.

The best coaching focuses on the client’s whole life and on facilitating balance in the mind-body-

emotion system.

Coaching is all about meaning.

The coaching conversation is always around how we represent things and the meaning frames we

put around those things. A Neuro-semantic coach enters the client’s meaning matrix to open up all

of the specific meanings, governing the client’s life and experiences. This enables framing,

reframing and de-framing.

Coaching is all about finding solutions.

Effective coaching by a meta-coach knows that “problems” are human constructs- meanings given

to some experiences. This makes “problems” mostly real only on the inside, not the outside.

Knowing this, those masterful as coaches refuse to be seduced by the seriousness or pervasiveness

of the client’s frames about “problems” thereby creatively facilitating new coaching solutions with

the client.

Coaching for the client’s independence.

Effective coaching seeks to facilitate the client’s independence, not dependence. The coach

coaches to put him or herself out of a job. The end-game for the coach is to facilitate the client to

self-coach.

The Change Process

Coaching is all about facilitating change.

Coach and client are focused on improving the quality of life by changing thinking, emoting,

attitudes, actions, ways of relating, etc.


Coaching is about generative change rather than the therapeutic or remedial change.

Coaching is primarily for healthy and well-functioning people and differs from therapy. Coaching is

about generative change rather than remedial change.

Coaching occurs in stages and on multiple levels.

Effective coaching uses a powerful change model that addresses the levels of change, the stages of

change and change based on coaching premises rather than therapy principles.

Coaches are change agents.

Effective coaching necessitates that the coach understands the process of change, how to facilitate

it with a client, identify where a client is in the process of change and develop into a change master.

As a catalyst for change, the coach facilitates the client through the stages of change.

To be lasting, change must be ecological.

Effective coaching works to bring a client’s attentions into alignment with his or her highest

intentions and to align with all of the client’s internal and external contexts.

The skills of a coach

It takes skill to coach effectively

We can coach no better than the level and quality of our coaching skills. Core coaching

competencies enable us to coach professionally.

Curiosity drives masterful coaching.

A respectful fascination with people enables a coach to be effective in exploring and questioning

the personal issues with a client.

Coaching requires lots of practice.

Good coaching doesn’t just happen but develops through planning, practice, rehearsal and a

commitment to continual learning and improvement. Becoming effective in coaching improves with

study, focused practice and performance feedback.

Effective coaches think strategically.

Effective coaching is highly intentional as a coach assists clients in eliciting resources. By coaching

purposefully, the coach is clear in his or her thinking about where the client is in the process.

It takes courage to coach.

Coaching requires the courage to step into a coaching role, the courage to speak the truth, give

behavioural feedback and push the client to not sell him or herself short.

Attentive listening is the foundational coaching skill.

Effective coaching comes from attentive and active listening, paying close attention to a client’s

precise formulations.


A coaching conversation involves humour, joy and fun.

The most effective coaching makes learning, changing, growing, developing and taking on

challenges fun.

Facilitation is the heart of all coaching.

Facilitating is the art of making room, space and energy for the client’s movement, growth and

development. In this a coach co-creates the solutions to enhance the client’s life.

Practice increases competency.

Effective coaching comes from practice. The more one practices the coaching skills, the better one

gets.

The ultimate competency is self-coaching.

We coach clients so that they become fully functioning, self-correcting and empowered to coach

themselves.

Flexibility is a key coaching skill.

Effective coaching necessitates being flexible with a client and continually adjusting to the client’s

on-going change and agenda. Adaptability plays a critical role for those who are masterful in

coaching.

All effective coaching involves skilled framing.

The coach engages in dialogue to facilitate the client setting more positive and empowering frames

for succeeding in life. In coaching we frame goals, strategies, progress, feedback, learning, making

mistakes, taking things in ways that support us, etc.

Questioning is the premier coaching skill.

The most effective coaching occurs through asking focused questions that enable the client to find

the answers and resources. Coaching is more about asking the right questions than providing

answers. It’s about eliciting from the client his or her best solutions.

Effective coaching detects patterns.

Effective coaching involves taking a meta-position in order to detect and work with the client’s

patterns. Only then can the coach work with the governing structures for enhancing the client’s

processes.


Self-Actualization and the Self-Actualization Quadrants

Understanding needs

We are motivated to achieve more, to be better. We are all striving to be the best we can be. This is

because according to Maslow who developed the Hierarchy of Needs we all have a desire to self-

actualize.

Maslow discovered during the 1930’s that:

• Our needs are hierarchical, new needs emerge as needs

are gratified.

• Our needs are relative.

• Our needs move from the most basic and fundamental

to the highest.

• Self-actualization, as an instinctoid need, makes it a

biological need. We are biologically made for self-

actualization.

• Lower and higher needs are fundamental different in

their nature and motivation. This creates deficiency

motivation and abundance or being motivation.

• Gratification of lower needs makes the need go away whereas gratification of the higher needs

makes the need grow, expand, and get stronger. This is the deficiency / being distinction of

motivation.

• Our needs require true satisfiers. When we bring higher needs into lower needs, we semantically

over-load them and make them “the meaning of life” but this leads to making the needs neurotic.

Every baby has the possibilities for self-

actualization but most get it knocked out

of them. I think of the self-actualizing man

not as an ordinary man with something

added but rather as the ordinary man with

nothing taken away. The average person is

a human being with dampened and

inhibited powers.

Abraham Maslow


Living a self-actualizing life

Are you living a self-actualizing life? If so, how do you know? Maslow made a list of self-actualizing

qualities. Dr Michael Hall has taken these and written the following check-list of the self-actualizing life.

These are undoubtedly some of the best attitudes and beliefs which characterize it. So on the following

lines, gauge yourself from 0 for not at all to 10 for absolutely. Hint: Do leave some room for growth!

Answer as quickly as possible.

Maslow’s List

What are the characteristics of self-actualizing people? What is Maslow’s list of the characteristics? Here

is his list of highly developed attitudes, emotions and behaviours:

The capacity of tolerating uncertainty

Acceptance of self and others

Spontaneity and creativity

Need for private and solitude, detachment

Capacity for deep and intense relationships

Genuine caring and love

Altruistic

Self-transcending

A sense of humour and lightness

An inner directedness and absences of artificial dichotomies (love/hate; weak/strong; work/play,

etc.)

More efficient perception of reality

Simplicity, naturalness

Autonomy: independence of culture and need for conformity

Mystic or peak experiences

The ability to discriminate between means and ends

A more philosophical attitude about things

A greater sense of the sacredness of life

A continued freshness of appreciation

Meanings

I heartily accept myself with all of my weaknesses, limitations and fallibilities.

I heartily accept others with their weaknesses, limitations and fallibilities.

I enjoy privacy and solitude as time to be alone with myself.

A musician must make music, an

artist must paint, a poet must

write. What a man can be, he

must be. He must be true to his

own nature. This need we call self-

actualization.

Abraham Maslow


I genuinely care and love others

I have integrated artificial dichotomies (love/hate; weak/strong; work/play) so that these

are not opposites for me.

I am highly democratic in my attitudes and dealings with others and see people apart from

race, skin colour, status, clothes etc.

I discriminate between means and ends and don’t confuse a means-value with an end-

value.

I am philosophical in my attitude about things and so take things in stride with patience

and understandings.

I recognize when I use a cognitive distortion and always correct it in real times as I use it.

The self-actualization model

Self-Actualization is combination of what you think about (meaning) and what you do (performance).

Coaches facilitate potential by improving thinking and performance. The model below is powerful for

profiling individuals, teams and organizations.

Self-Actualization is a function of:


• our innate talents and gifts, our strengths and weaknesses

• our self-awareness and self-discovery

• our self-knowledge and self-reflections

• our emotional intelligence

• our visions and our values

• our sense of purpose, intentionality and destiny

• our social support, mentors, teachers, coaches, network of colleagues

• our belief in ourselves and our self-efficacy

• our actions, pro-activity, and talents developed into skills

• our willingness to risk and experiment

• our willingness to learn from mistakes

• our willingness to explore our strengths and weaknesses

• our willingness to embrace our humanity and fallibility

• our ability to embrace ambiguity, uncertainty and the unknown

• our ability to welcome feedback and use it for shaping our responses

• our ability to pursue continuous improvement

• our ability to remove interferences (procrastination, judgement, fear, anxiety, boredom,

seriousness, etc.)

• our ability to resiliently bounce back from every setback

• our ability to translate our ideas into actions

• our ability to use action and experiments to test what works

• our ability to practice, practice and practice the basic skills

• our ability to get coaching, training, and consulting to fill in our blind spots

• our ability to find a mentor and learn experientially

• our ability to recover the childhood traits of wonder and curiosity

• our ability to execute plans and to follow through with commitments

• our ability to not be put off with by criticism, sarcasm or insults

• our ability to stay the course and persevere

• our ability to keep refining our models and skills

• accepting the challenge to step out of our comfort zone

• the opportunity to launch into something new

• the problems that demand a new creative solution


The meaning axis is associated with our internal feelings. The table below outlines how our feeling can

indicate how empowering the meaning is.

12 Meta-Programs that have an impact on the self-actualisation process are:


Self-Actualization model applied to organisational culture

Organizational culture is made up of the set of beliefs, values, and behaviour patterns that characterize an

organization. Essentially, it is “the way we do things here”.

In a predominantly performance driven organization, where there is little alignment around a common

purpose, the culture is likely to be what we call a ‘driven’ culture and the organization will have norms,

behaviours, values and beliefs which make that culture visible.

On the other hand, the organization which is predominantly driven by a compelling purpose or vision, but

which has little focus on actual performance, would be more of a ’dreaming’ culture, and the behaviours

etc, would reinforce this.

An organization which is neither performance, nor purpose driven is usually struggling to survive and the

behaviours within the organization will reflect this.

However, organizations that thrive and enjoy sustainable success are those that are performance driven,

but also have a clear purpose. In a thriving culture, employees enjoy an environment which provides

opportunities for people to contribute their best.


Day 2 – Relationships of Trust

NLP/NS Presuppositions 36

Benchmarking 37

Coaching Skill 1: Building Rapport 40

Representational Systems 51

Coaching Skill 2: Listening 55



NLP /NS Presuppositions

Pre-supposition Notes

We cannot not communicate

The way we communicate affects perception and reception

The meaning of your communication lies in the response you get


1) Identify a Principle or concept you want incorporated into your muscles. What concept or principle do you want to put it into neurology? What is your conceptual understanding of this idea? What do you know or understand or believe about this that you want to set as a frame in your mind? How can you state it in a way that’s clear, succinct and compelling? State it by starting with, “I understand. . .”

2) Describe the Principle as a Belief. Would you like to believe that? If you really, really believed that, would that make a big difference in your life? State the concept as a belief. “I believe . . .” Did you state it as if you really believed it? Are you ready to do that?

3) Reformat the Belief as a Decision. Would you like to live by that belief? [Yes] You would? [Yes] Really [Yes] Will you act on this and make it your program for acting? State it as a decision saying, “I will . . .” “I want . . . it is time to” “I choose to . . .” “From this day forward I will … because I believe…”

4) Rephrase the Belief and Decision as an emotional State or Experience. As you state the belief and decision, noticing what you feel, what do you feel? What do you feel as you imagine living your life with this empowering belief and decision? Be with those emotions . . . let them grow and extend. State feelings, “I feel . . . I experience . . . because I will . . . because I believe. . .”

5) Turn the Emotions into Actions to Expression the belief/decision. What one thing will you do tomorrow that will begin to manifest this in your life? And the day after that? “The one thing that I will do today to make this real in my life is?”

6) Step into Action and let the higher levels of your mind spiral. As you fully imagine carrying out that one thing you will do today . . . seeing, hearing and feeling it you are doing this because you believe what? Because you’ve decided what? Because you feel what? And you will do what other things? Because you understand what? Because you feel what? Because you’ve decided what? Because you believe what? And what other thing will you do?


Benchmarking

The benchmarking model

Triads

Each training module will include coaching triads. A coaching triad includes three delegates (a coach,

a coachee and a “meta” observer) plus a bench marker.

The coach needs to demonstrate application of the coaching skills being learnt and will be observed

and given feedback by a trained bench marker.

A bench marker is an accredited, experienced Meta-Coach and will be integral in supporting the skills

development of each of the coaches on the programme

The coach receives feedback on the following skills:

i. Listening

ii. Supporting

iii. Questioning (this has some elements of meta-questioning in it)

iv. Giving Feedback

v. Receiving Feedback

The coach in training needs to demonstrate a required level of skill during the training programme to

become accredited as an Internal Coach.

Each delegate has at least five opportunities to coach, to be “client” and to be “meta” during the

training program.

The role of a bench-marker

The bench-marker is a critical role for the success of the training. The bench-marker is responsible for

facilitating the learning experience of each person concerning his or her skills development in the triads

during the training.

A bench marker is accredited as a Meta-Coach to enable the opportunity to mentor and /or coach the

delegates should the need arise.


Whilst the primary focus in on the coaches during the triad, the bench-marker is responsible for tracking

the learning experience for all three delegates.

Expectations of bench markers

The bench marker is required to:

Create a positive learning experience for the delegates; whilst participating in the triads by:

o framing their role,

o asking permission,

o building rapport,

o giving high quality, sensory specific feedback that it non-judgemental,

o looking for what the delegate is doing right and providing opportunities for their own

growth and development,

o assisting the delegates development and not “test their skills”.

Interrupt and step into the coaching triad if there is an opportunity for in the moment learning

(not to take over),

Track the coaching experience for the “client” and step in if they are in an un-resourceful state

(particularly at the end of the session);

Track the willingness of the “client” to be coached and any coach-ability factors that will affect

their accreditation.

Provide feedback to the “Meta” person regarding their skill of Giving Feedback

Provide the facilitators with a summary of each triad capturing the details of roles and “scores”

for accreditation process.

Share findings and awareness’s with facilitation team and collaborate with them with regards

to what support structures need to be put in place for the delegates (either collectively or as

individuals).

The benchmarking form is reflected on the next page.


Coaching skill 1: Building Rapport

Supporting Benchmarks

Creating an environment and interpersonal set of actions that facilitate a client to respond by talking

freely about thoughts, emotions, needs, wants, fears, hopes, etc. through questioning, listening,

celebrating, expressing belief in client’s abilities and potentials, matching client’s postures, voice,

words, etc.

Sub-Skills: Matching physiology (calibrate) postures and gestures Matching words, voice, tempo, volume Matching meta-programs, meta-states, values, beliefs Expressing one’s commitment to the client Matching the speed of clients and giving time to process 3.75 Stating one’s own concerns and emotions of support stating a willingness to invest in “the other’s

well-being and resourcefulness” so the person gets his or her outcomes. “I’m here for you.” “use the coaching call between sessions when you need to.”

3.5 Using voice and gestures to match the client’s emotion (smiling, tearing etc.) inviting client to access and apply own resources to situation, offering statements of affirmation that convey belief in the person and what he or she can become (“potentials”), saying words that recognize when the client succeeds, identifying and matching “meta-programs” (filtering how one sees). “meta-states” (thinking about one’s thinking and feeling), “concepts,” and “values”

3 Actively and intently listening, asking about emotions, investing energy in one’s

speaking with use of voice tone and volume to emphasize certain words, arranging chairs, room, etc.

(managing the environment) so helps clients stay focused, summarizing, putting hand on shoulder or

saying “that must have been challenging”

2.5 Matching posture, breathing, gesture, etc. saying words sounds that encourage continue: “yes, and

then?” “Hmmm,” “ahhh!”

2 Matching of client’s words, posture, breathing, etc. but only partially. Words of facts and details mentioned by the client that are not used or referred to, no matching the other’s gestures and non-verbal expressions.

1 No or little eye-contact, fiddling with other things, failing to follow up by expressing emotion, preoccupying self with other things, little or no attending to context of room where there are noises or other things distracting (“distractions”).

0 Not tracking the words, “postures,” non0verbal, etc. of person, repeatedly asking “What did you just

say?” firing off questions without time to respond. Interrupting, judging, evaluating, blaming and

interpreting client’s words (“interpretations”).


What are relationships?

Relationships are the connection between two or more people and their involvement with one another, in

particular the way they behave towards and feel about one another. Business relationships are a function

of two things:

The intellectual understanding of what you do and why it is important and

The emotional connection i.e. does the person know you and like/respect you.


Champions

These people are your greatest allies and supporters, they understand what you do and have a liking and

respect for you. They will bring you new business, help you out when you have a problem, listen to you and

bring information to your attention. Nurture these relationships and invest time in keeping the bond strong

and them up to date with knowledge.

Hearts

These people have a lot of time for you and they really mean well but they will create unrealistic

expectations that you will not always be able to deliver on. These people are easy to transform into

champions by investing time in improving their knowledge of your skills and what you can do and what you

need.

Bodies

These people are hard work, they can add no value to you as they do not know you and do not understand

what you can do or why you do it. Start creating opportunities for you to develop a relationship with these

people if they are key to your success. The easier route to becoming champions is via the heart quadrant.

Heads

These people have a clear understanding of what you do and what you need however, they will not always

assist you in getting this. These people can be destructive if they want to be. They will not always help you

out when you have a problem unless there is a strong intellectual reason for them to do so. They can also

be quite analytical about what you deliver. Try to create opportunities for you to develop a relationship

with them.

Building an Emotional Connection – The Art of Rapport

Rapport is one of the most important features or characteristics of unconscious human interaction. It is

commonality of perspective, being in "sync", being on the same "wavelength" as the person you are talking

to.

On a basic level this is the feeling of being understood. People that are in rapport understand each other

and feel safe with each other. To build a relationship of trust you need to be able to establish rapport.

There are a number of ways to establish rapport, and all of these

involve being “fully present” to the other person and developing

the ability to enter their world.

The first technique to establish rapport is to accept the other

person’s point of view (even when you do not understand it).

rapport n. A feeling of

harmonious connection

between people or groups of

people.


Techniques for establishing rapport:

a) Mirroring & pacing

b) Acknowledging

c) Matching (energy and language)

d) Eye Contact

a) Mirroring and Pacing

When people are naturally in rapport your will see that they often sit or stand in similar positions i.e. they

mirror each other. One of the easiest ways to enter someone’s world is to mirror them. By doing this they

will feel naturally at ease and understood and you will enter their world from that point of view. This

should never be forced or unnatural to draw attention to yourself but it will happen naturally if you are

comfortable.


b) Acknowledging People are their own worst critics, so they do not need more criticism. Everyone wants to feel like they are

valued and by acknowledging them you allow this to happen. Acknowledgement can take place in many

forms (as listed below). The most important principle is to remember that it must be genuine and it must

be specific. False acknowledgement can destroy a relationship very quickly.

Acknowledgment can be:

Recognition

Affirmation

Identifying success

Appreciation

Reinforcement

Validation

Uncovering

Championing

Valuing

Honouring

Encouragement

What it takes to acknowledge people powerfully:

Being comfortable with acknowledgment – giving and receiving it

Compassion

Being open to who the individual is

Coming from a place of wonder

Reflection

Putting yourself in their shoes

Joy

Keeping your heart open

Recognising their journey, see and sit with what it must feel like

Generosity

Digging deep

Being sincere

Being heartfelt

A willingness to really share

The power of “ THANK YOU”

There is not a day that goes

by that people are not doing

things for each other; yet we

start to take this for granted.

Challenge yourself to thank as

many people as possible – for

the little things and the big

things. This is an incredible

form of acknowledgement


Being gracious

c) Matching (Energy and Language)

Another way of establishing rapport is to match a

person’s language and energy. (Refer to representational

system preference assessment in next section).

This allows you to understand the best language to use

to enter someone’s world; however, you do not need to do an assessment on them to be able to do this.

You can listen to how someone talks and most importantly when you summarize back to him or her –

make sure you use his or her language! Generally, we will interpret what someone is saying and reply to

them from our point of view. This can break rapport.

Another way to build rapport is to match a person’s energy. This includes matching the way they breathe,

if they are angry and shouting, shout back, if they are talking slowly, slow down your speech. If they stand

up and you remain seated, this can also break rapport.

d) Eye Contact Establishing and maintaining eye contact is important in establishing rapport. There are some cultural

differences when it comes to establishing eye contact; however, when you are in rapport a person’s eyes

literally can be the windows to their souls and holding eye contact with someone can truly make them feel

understood.

The quality of your eye contact is essential to building rapport, what message do your eyes give? Is it

matching the rest of your body language and your words?

Your eyes show if you are:

interested or bored;

listening to the other person or yourself;

questioning or supporting

challenging or inviting

genuine or trying to hard

patient or rushed

focused or distracted


Trust and Empathy

An important part of relationships is to get to know and understand the differences between people, you

also need to be empathetic to everyone’s needs and differences; and you need to develop and build trust

between each person and yourself.

What is Empathy?

Empathy stems from Emotional Intelligence. Emotional intelligence is made up of 4 components:

1. Self- awareness – This is the ability to understand what you are feeling in the moment.

2. Self-management – This is an individual’s ability to manage their emotions.

3. Social awareness – This is the ability to understand how someone else is feeling. This is where empathy

comes into play.

4. Relationship management – This is how you manage the differences between people.

Empathy is the cornerstone to being able to understand people. It is the ability to look past people’s words

and to read the nonverbal channels i.e. the tone of the voice, gesture, facial expression etc.

Empathy is the ability to listen – truly listen – to what people are saying with their whole body. There is a

difference between saying “thank you” sarcastically, angrily and genuinely. The ability to understand the

meaning beyond the words is empathy. Empathy differs from sympathy and pity in the following way:

Empathy is when you can understand how someone is feeling without taking on the feelings as

your own, you can identify their emotion and acknowledge it without judgment.

Sympathy is when you experience the same feelings as the other person, as a manager this can be

emotionally exhausting as you do not distance yourself from the emotion.

Pity is when you feel sorry for someone and can be condescending, which will create a

break in rapport and can lead to feelings of contempt and rejection.

What is Trust?

For you to have good relationships with people there needs to be a foundation of trust. When someone

feels trusted they feel valued, that you have confidence in them, and that you believe in them. They will

also be more prepared to do more for you.

What does trust feel like?

Think of someone that has displayed trust in you and someone with whom you have had a low trust

relationship and compare the answers to the following questions:

How did you feel when they asked you something?

How well did you communicate with each other?


How much did you enjoy the relationship?

How effective were you at getting things done together?

The differences are very real.

Notes:

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The foundation for displaying empathy and building trust starts and ends in your communication skills.

One of the best resources for understanding trust is the book The Speed of Trust by Stephen R. Covey. His

book outlines that trust starts with self and that your personal credibility is the key to whether others will

trust you are not. Credibility is the combination of four key facets:

Credibility

Character

Integrity

Intent

Competence

Capabilites

Results


Core 1: Integrity

The first core deals with issues of integrity. This is what most people think about when they think of trust.

To many “integrity” basically means “honesty”. While integrity includes honesty, it’s much more. It is

integratedness. It is walking your talk. It’s being congruent, inside and out. It is having the courage to act in

accordance with your values and beliefs. Interestingly, most massive violations of trust are violations of

integrity.

Core 2: Intent

The second core deals with issues of intent. This has to do with our motives, our agendas, and our resulting

behaviour. Trust grows when our motives are straightforward and based on mutual benefit – in other

words, when we genuinely care not only for ourselves, but also for the people we interact with, lead, or

serve. When we suspect a hidden agenda from someone or we don’t believe they are acting in our best

interests, we are suspicious about everything they say and do.

Both integrity and intent are matters of character.

Core 3: Capabilities

The third core deals with issues of capabilities. These are the abilities we have that inspire confidence – our

talents, attitudes, skill, knowledge and style. They are the means we use to produce results. A family doctor

might have integrity and his motives might be good, but unless he’s trained and skilled to perform the task

at hand (brain surgery, for example) he’ll be lacking incredibility in that area. Capabilities also deal with our

ability to establish, grow, extend, and restore trust.

Core 4: Results

The fourth core deals with issues around results. This refers to our track record, our performance, our

getting the right things done. If we don’t accomplish what we are expected to do, it diminishes our

credibility. On the other hand, when we achieve the results we promised, we establish a positive reputation

of performing, of being a producer … and our reputation precedes us.

Both capabilities and results are matters of competence.


He also identifies 13 key behaviours that display trust.


Representational Systems

We all “make sense” of what is happening around us by taking in information. We do this by re-presenting

what we have seen, heard, felt, smelled and tasted and we interpret this and give it meaning in our minds.

In NLP the process of

Each person has a different driver and none are right or wrong – the benefit is to gain flexibility in the

different systems so that you can learn to enter another person’s world.

Understanding this is the secret to gaining rapport. When you match the language of an individual’s

representational system, you can match the way they think.

There are 4 predominant processing styles

o Visual (V)

o Auditory (A)

o Kinesethic (K)

o Auditory Digital / Language (Ad)

Representational System Preference Assessment

Read each of the following statements and place a number next to EVERY phrase using the following system to indicate your preferences:

4 = Closest to describing you 3 = Next best description 2 = Next best 1 = Least descriptive of you

If you have trouble choosing between 2 go with the first one that comes to mind.

1 I make important decisions based on: a. gut level feelings b. which way sounds best c. what looks best to me d. precise review and study of the issues

2 During an argument, I am most likely to be influenced by: a. a person’s tone of voice b. whether or not I can see the person’s argument c. the logic of the person’s argument d. whether or not I feel in touch with person’s true feelings

3 I most easily communicate what is going on with me by: a. the way I dress and look b. the feelings I share


c. the words I choose d. the tone of my voice

4 It is easiest for me to: a. find the ideal volume and tuning on a stereo system b. select the most intellectually relevant point concerning an interesting subject c. select the most comfortable furniture d. select rich, attractive colour combinations

5 I best operate or function as: a. very attuned to the sounds of my surrounding b. highly adept as making sense of new facts and data c. sensitive to the way articles of clothing fit my body d. having a strong response to colours & the way a room looks.

6 When I am on holiday at the sea, the first thing that makes me happy to be there is: a. the feel of the hot sand and the warm sun and fresh breeze b. the roar of the waves c. the cost is reasonable and the holiday makes sense d. the scenery, the bright sun and the blue water

Scoring your Assessment

Question Number Visual Auditory Kinesthetic Auditory Digital

1 c. b. a. d.

2 b. a. d. c.

3 a. d. b. c.

4 d. a. c. b.

5 d. a. c. b.

6 d. b. a. c.

TOTAL V= A= K= Ad=

Check – sum of all total blocks must equal 60


Visual (V)

Memorise by seeing pictures and are less distracted by noise

Often have trouble remembering, and become bored by, long verbal instructions

More interested in how something looks, values appearances

Will often stand or sit with their hands/bodies erect and with their eyes upward.

Breath high, from the top of their lungs

Sit forward in a chair, organised, neat, well-groomed, orderly

Often are thin, slender even wiry

Move eyes up to access visual images, look around noticing lots of things

Use a higher pitch, talk quickly, in spurts.

Use gestures that are high, wide, expansive, sometimes will point.

Auditory (A)

Pay attention to sounds, tones, volumes and find noises more distracting

Easily repeat things back what they hear, and learn best by listening

Like music and enjoy talking on the phone

Highly value tone of voice and the use of specific words

Often move their eyes laterally (sideways)

Breathe from the middle of their chest, talk to themselves, sub-vocalise, memorise

sequences, and hold their body to aim their ear

Think in more linear, word by word ordering, logical

Use gestures around the mid-section, adopt a “telephone position”, tilt head

Visual Constructed Visual Remembered

Auditory Constructed Audtory Remembered


Kinesthetic (K)

Use their body to think, remember and communicate

May talk slowly and in a breathy way

May respond to physical touch and rewards

Gesture closely to the body, hand over heart

Memorise by doing something or walking around

Most interested that something feels right or evokes the right feelings

Typically breathe deeply from the bottom of their lungs

Move eyes downwards to access their feelings

Tonality will tend to be slower, lower pitch, with hesitations

Auditory

Digital /

Language (Ad)

Want to make sense of things by using words

Talk in more abstract terms, generalise, theorise etc

May even have little awareness of the sensory based systems

Tend to analyse rather than feel

Much less use of body, gestures, more in a “computer” mode

Feelings

Self Talk


Coaching Skill 2: Listening

Listening Benchmarks

Definition:

Actively looking at and attending to a client, collecting sensory information (visual, auditory and

kinesthetic) and non-sensory specific terms and accurately reflecting back the person’s responses, giving

signals that encourage speaking:

Sub Skills: Looking at the client

Repeating the words as precisely given

Being silent after person finishes speaking

Asking the client to attend to and listen to him or herself

Keeping track of person’s words, gestures, outcomes, etc. and feeding back at moments that relate

to what the client wants (client’s outcome)

3.75 Speaking less than 20% of the time, ideally 5% to 10%. Turing body to client to be facing and

physically present to the client, acknowledge the communication by maintaining eye contact, using

soft “sparkling eyes” (eyes opening wider when responding to client), head nodding and

encouragers. Asking about what is not being said. Asking questions that invite client to ask

themselves more questions or share what they are thinking and feeling, client talking extensively

and saying something similar to, “I never thought of any of this before you asked about it.”

3.5 Asking questions that probe for more details about client’s view, asking questions for self-listening

(“Do you hear what you just said?”) to enable client to know what’s in the back of the mind, giving

space and time for person to be with those thoughts and feelings, being silent as the client speaks

60% to 80% of the time. Ask “awareness” questions, “How aware are you that you have said lots of

things about X, but nothing about Y?” Extended pauses.

3 Actively exploring what the client thinks about what he or she wants by asking questions,

encouraging client to speak by using head nods, “encouragers” such as “hmmm,” “ahhh” “yes, go

ahead,” “say more.” Using pauses so client speaks at least 50% of the time.

2 Maintaining eye contact 75% of the time, repeating back specific words and some paraphrasing

that matches client’s words, speaking 60% or more of the time and quiet only 40% of time, giving

little or no time for client to speak. Immediately speaking when client stops.

1 Making some eye contact, paraphrasing the client’s sentences, only partially keeping general track

of the precise words, “Where are we?” Taking notes on other things than client’s statements and

eyes internally processing while client speaks.

0 No or little eye contact, no tracking of words or actions being said, talking over, telling, teaching,

making evaluations and interrupting.


Qualities of a Good Listener

People who practice good listening skills do the following:

Let others finish what they’re saying without interrupting

them.

Ask questions to clarify

Pay attention to what others are saying and show they’re

paying attention by keeping comfortable eye contact. They

don’t let their eyes wander around the room.

Remain open-minded.

Use feedback and summaries using the person’s words.

Pay attention to non-verbal signals such as the speaker’s body

language.

Don’t “tune out” inappropriately when others are speaking.

Don’t fiddle, play on their phone or laptop whilst the person is

speaking

Blocks to effective listening

There are many things that can lead you astray when listening. Ask yourself which ones are problems for

you:

You think of what you are going to say while the speaker is talking.

You get preoccupied with how strongly you disagree with the speaker’s views.

You listen for what you want to hear.

You are too tired mentally to work at paying attention.

There are outside noises and distractions.

The speaker has poor delivery – slow, windy, irrelevant, rambling or repetitious.

Something the speaker said intrigued you; you thought about it, and when you tuned back in you

had lost the thread.

The speaker has an accent that you find difficult to understand

You tune out because you think you know what the speaker’s conclusions are going to be.

You are being given far too much information and you get bored.

Listening is hearing

+

attending,

+

understanding,

+

concentrating,

+

remembering,

+

continuously grasping and

processing the information How to Listen Better


In his book Quiet Leadership, David Rock identifies four road blocks to listening effectively

Detail

Filters

Agenda

Hot Spots

Road Block 1: Detail

The thing that most often gets in the way of clarity is being too close to a situation to see patterns or

possibilities. We’re lost in the trees and can’t see the forest it seems we have a limit on how much we

can hold in our minds at one time, like we have a limited amount of ‘RAM’ available. When we get too

much detail about a topic, we get stuck in the detail and cannot hold another point of view in our minds.

Road Block 2: Filters

Filters are ways in which we perceive the world.

Filters are like coloured glasses that determine the tone of everything we see.

They are our common habitual ways of viewing things. Though we can change the filters we see through,

generally we are not aware of them.

Road Block 3: Agenda

When we have any agenda behind an action or issue we have an interest in things turning out a certain

way. An agenda is like a filter but more pronounced. An agenda is a definite direction we want an

outcome to go. Having a strong agenda stops you being able to see things clearly for what they are.

Road Block 4: Hot Spots

Hot spots are areas of personal difficulty, areas of life where we feel uncomfortable or out of control.

Things like being told we’re good at Maths and not English, or that we’re an introvert or extrovert, or the

expectations of friends and family or the value we place on ourselves.

If you were recently divorced and someone asked you to edit any article, they had written on marriage,

you would find it difficult and possibly get emotional. You don’t have the clarity of distance here; you are

too close emotionally to the topic; the topic is a hot spot for you.

What are your hot spots?

Answer the following questions to identify some of your hot spots:

It makes me angry when:

I feel offended when:

I get frustrated when:


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How do you show you are listening?

There are predominantly four ways of showing that you are listening:

1. Eye Contact

Maintaining eye contact is critical to your ability to listen; not only does it allow you to listen to

what is not being said but it also demonstrates to your client that you are focused on them.

It is important to maintain eye contact even when your client is looking away and processing

what is happening for them. If they look at you and you have broken eye contact then it will be

very difficult to rebuild rapport.

The quality of your eye contact is essential; there is a difference between:

staring;

looking at client with supporting eyes

intensely focusing on your client for the answer.

2. Tracking the content

This is the ability to feed back a summary to the client of what they have said

Tracking and summarizing is not the same as paraphrasing. Paraphrasing is often your

interpretation using your words. For tracking to be effective it must include the clients words.


Extended tracking is the ability to link what the client says at the beginning of a coaching

session to something that happens later on.

3. Encouragers

This includes nodding, saying “yes’, “mmh” etc

Smiling and laughing are valuable encouragers provided they are appropriate.

4. Being quiet

Becoming comfortable with silence frees the client to process and share.

What do you listen for?

A coach does not need to listen to the content. A coach listens for

Emotion;

Structure of thinking

Semantically loaded gestures

The clients matrix

What a client wants

Links to previous discussions and or patterns

Meta levels of awareness

The ladder of meaning

Cognitive Distortions

Meta-Model Deletions

Structure of inner map and other reality

Meta-Programs

Semantic Space is the

space that we experience

and use around us in a

meaningful way

Listening and hearing are not the same thing. Hearing is the first stage of listening. Hearing occurs

when your ears pick up sound waves which are then transported to your brain. Listening is a

communication process, and to be successful it is an active process.


Day 3 – Magical Conversations

NLP/NS Presuppositions 63

Eye Accessing Cues 64

Representational Predicates 65

Cognitive Distortions 70

Well Formed Outcome 78



NLP /NS Presuppositions

Pre-supposition Notes

The one who sets the frame controls the game

There is no such thing as failure, only feedback

The person with the most flexibility, exercises the most influence


1. Identify a Principle or concept you want incorporated into your muscles. What concept or principle do you want to put it into neurology? What is your conceptual understanding of this idea? What do you know or understand or believe about this that you want to set as a frame in your mind? How can you state it in a way that’s clear, succinct and compelling? State it by starting with, “I understand. . .”

2. Describe the Principle as a Belief.

Would you like to believe that? If you really, really believed that, would that make a big difference in your life? State the concept as a belief. “I believe . . .” Did you state it as if you really believed it? Are you ready to do that?

3. Reformat the Belief as a Decision. Would you like to live by that belief? [Yes] You would? [Yes] Really [Yes] Will you act on this and make it your program for acting? State it as a decision saying, “I will . . .” “I want . . . it is time to” “I choose to . . .” “From this day forward I will … because I believe…”

4. Rephrase the Belief and Decision as an emotional State or Experience. As you state the belief and decision, noticing what you feel, what do you feel? What do you feel as you imagine living your life with this empowering belief and decision? Be with those emotions . . . let them grow and extend. State feelings, “I feel . . . I experience . . . because I will . . . because I believe. . .”

5. Turn the Emotions Into Actions to Expression the belief/decision.

What one thing will you do tomorrow that will begin to manifest this in your life? And the day after that? “The one thing that I will do today to make this real in my life is?”

6. Step into Action and let the higher levels of your mind spiral.

As you fully imagine carrying out that one thing you will do today . . . seeing, hearing and feeling it you are doing this because you believe what? Because you’ve decided what? Because you feel what? And you will do what other things? Because you understand what? Because you feel what? Because you’ve decided what? Because you believe what? And what other thing will you do?


Eye Accessing Cues

To get an idea how your eyes move, consider the

following questions. For each question, as you think

of the answer, notice the direction(s) your eyes

move (up down or to the side) or if your eyes do not

seem to move notice if you have a sense that you

are looking in a certain direction (even if only for a

fraction of a second). Or you can ask someone else

the questions and track where their eyes move to.

1. What is the colour of your front door?

2. What will you look like in 15 years?

3. What does your lounge look like?

4. Imagine being at the Niagra falls at sunset?

5. What does your favourite music sound like?

6. What are the words to your favourite song?

7. What would your voice sound like if you had

marbles in your mouth?

8. When you talk to yourself, what type of

voice do you use?

9. What does it feel like to be in a nice warm

bath?

10. What does it feel like to jump into an icy

river?

If you are right-handed, you may have noticed the following (for people who are left handed, interchange

left and right in the following text):

Question 1 and 3 - eyes up and to your left. This is a question about something you have seen

before and hence you remembered it -- visual remembered (VR).

Question 2 and 4 - eyes up and to your right. This is a question about something that I assume you

have not seen before and hence you constructed this picture - visual constructed (VC) unless you

have actually been to Niagra falls.

Question 5 and 6 - eyes on the horizontal plane to your left. This is a question about something you

have heard before - auditory remembered (AR).

Question 7 - eyes on the horizontal plane to your right. This is a question about something you have

not heard before - auditory constructed (AC).

Question 8 - eyes down and to the left. This is a question about your self talk - auditory digital (Ad).

Question 9 and 10 - eyes down and to the right. This is a question about your feelings- kinesthetic

(K).

Note: The above eye patterns are how your eyes would move if you are right-handed. For many left-

handed people, the chart is reversed i.e. mirror image.


Representational Predicates

What are the cues that a person is using any given system of representation to create the movies in their

mind? There are linguistic cues for each system. Learning to listen for these enables us to detect the way

the person is processing information.

Visually:

If I could show you an attractive and very clear way so that you could X (some value), I wonder if

you would like to look at that and see if it does fit with what you’re wanting.

Auditorially:

If I could effectively describe to you some of the benefits that you really want to obtain, would you

like to hear about them now or discuss them more fully?

Kinaesthetically:

If I could help you get a hold of this value that you want in a concrete way, and in a way that really

embraces the value fully, would you like to try it on, just to get a feel for it?

Exercise

Genie Laborde (Influencing With Integrity) developed a handy instrument for determining one’s preferred

representation system. Use it to determine which system you most prefer, prefer secondarily and which

one you do not consciously use very much. The system that gives you the most difficulty to translate and

match probably reflects your least used system.

Example: My future looks hazy.

Match: Visual: When I look to the future, it doesn’t seem clear.

Translate: Auditory: I can’t tune in to my future.

Kinaesthetic: I can’t get a feel for what seems to be going to happen.

Example: Sarah doesn’t listen to me.

Match: Auditory: Sarah goes deaf when I talk.

Translate: Visual: Sarah never sees me, even when I am present.

Kinaesthetic: I get the feeling Sarah doesn’t know I’m alive.

Example: Mary gets churned up on Mondays when the boss expects the report.

Match: Kinaesthetic: Mary gets agitated and nervous on Mondays.

Translate: Visual: Mary can’t focus on Mondays when the report comes due.

Auditory: Mary hears lots of static on Mondays when the report comes due.

Complete the following to increase your awareness of the representational systems. This will offer you

good practice for future use. This exercise will wire your mind to match predicates when you next hear

one of these.


1. My boss walks over me like I’m a door mat.

Match:

Translate:

Translate:

2. I get the feeling I’m unappreciated.

Match:

Translate:

Translate:

3. I have trouble looking back to that problem.

Match:

Translate:

Translate:

4. I guide this project by the seat of my pants.

Match:

Translate:

Translate:

5. She seems like a sweet girl.

Match:

Translate:

Translate:

6. I ask myself, “How did I ever get into this?”

Match:

Translate:

Translate:

7. I can imagine what she’s like.

Match:

Translate:

Translate:

8. Something tells me I’m making a mistake.

Match:

Translate:

Translate:


Representational System Predicates

Visual

Words

admire appear foresee scan attractive form

see blurred gaze shin bright glance

show clear glare sight cloudy gleam

sight see colourful glow sparkle conceal

graphic dark hazy staring dawn illuminate

strobe disappear imagine surface display obscure

twinkle envision observe vanish exhibit look

veil expose peer view eyed perspective

visualize faced picture view flash preview

vivid focus reflect watch

Phrases:

Seeing eye to eye appears to me mental picture got an eyeful

naked eye mind’s eye beyond a shadow of a doubt

Catch a glimpse of paint a picture clear cut photographic

Pretty as a picture crystal clear plainly seen dim view

A sight for sore eyes see to it flashed on short sighted

Get a perspective showing off get a scope on make a scene

hazy idea snap shot image horse of diff colour

Staring off in space take a peek in light of tunnel vision

In person under your nose in view of bird’s eye view

Auditory

Words

Announce harmonise request answer harsh resonance

Argue hear sang asked hum shout

Attune inquire shriek call insult shrill

Chatter lecture sighs cheer listen silences

Complain loud silent crescendo melodious sound(s)


Cry mention stammer deaf mumble talk

Discuss noisy tell echo outspoken translate

Explain overtones expression question utter growl

Quiet vocal grumble recite yell gurgling

Reply

Phrases:

Be all ears make music be heard manner of speaking

Blabber mouth pay attention to clear as a bell power of speech

Clearly expressed purrs like a kitten call on outspoken

Describe in detail rap session ear full rings a bell

Express yourself state your purpose give an account of

Tattle-tale give me your ear to tell the truth grant me an audience

Tongue-tied heard voices tune in/tune out hidden messages

Utterly hold your tongue unheard of idle talk

Voice an opinion inquire into well formed key note speaker

Word for word loud and clear

Kinesthetic

Words

Angle grapple skip beat grasps slip

Bends grinds smooth bounce hard soft

Break hold solid brush hug spike

Burdened hurt stuffed carry impression thick

Clumsy irritate sweep comfortable mushy concrete

Movement touch crouching pinch trample crumble

Plush tremble exciting pressure twist feel

Pull budge firm rub unfeeling fits

Run warm flop scramble wash force

Scrape weigh grab shaky work

Phrases:

All washed up hot-head be felt keep your shirt on

Boils down to know-how catch on lay the cards on the table

control yourself light headed come to grips with Chip off the old block


Make contact connect with moment of panic pressure

Pain-in-the-neck cool/calm/collected pull some strings hold it, hold on

Firm foundations sharp as a tack floating on thin air under handed

Slip through get a hold of slipped my mind topsy turvy

Get a handle on smooth operator get a load of this heated argument

Start from scratch get in touch with stiff upper lip hang in there

Get the drift of throw out hand in hand tap into

Hands on turn around

OLFACTORY/GUSTATORY

Bitter smell fragrant smoky fresh sour

Odour spicy pungent stale salty sweet

Savour taste tang bite tongue aftertaste

Essence inhale breath flavour lick fume

Sip palate scent whiff reek a nose for

LANGUAGE (Ad)

Meaning evaluation significance compute count account

Factors factor in the bottom line

UNSPECIFIED PREDICATES (all systems)

Conscious know learn aware light believe

Motivate change nice clear notice conceive

Perceive consider process decide question experience

Sense feel think sense sensitive understand

Information from Coaching Essentials by Michael Hall and Michele Duval


Cognitive Distortions Our cognitive filters determine how we make sense of things and create meaning about things. These are

our filters or thinking patterns and inevitably control how we think, understand, perceive and even

experience things.

Cognitive distortions are those thinking patterns that create distorted representations, thoughts, beliefs,

decisions and then emotions. These filters make our way of constructing meaning sick and dis-empowering.

These thinking patterns create limitations and emotional misery.

These are mostly primitive ways of thinking which we learn as children. They create faulty perceptions that

get us in trouble. So, as adults, when we use these thinking patterns to reason, we inevitably create ill-

formed and inaccurate mental models that imprison us in non-sense and limiting possibilities. Cognitive

distortions set up your “buttons” so that certain things can get you and rattle you. Then you react in

unthinking and defensive ways. Stepping back and being able to identify your own cognitive distortions is a

great first step to clarity and choice.

You lie to yourself when you don’t tell the truth. When you misrepresent reality, when you give only part of

the truth, when you twist and distort the truth, in these and many other ways- you lie. What you say or

present is not “the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.” The difference that this makes

depends on the degree of distortion and the effect it has on you and others.

We have included 14 cognitive distortions in this manual that are useful for coaching. It is often beneficial

to give a client a hand out of these cognitive distortions so that they can become aware of any that may be

influencing their current perception of reality.

As a coach; you are well positioned to hear cognitive distortion and it is empowering for your client for you

to bring the distortion to their awareness so that they can start to alter and improve their thinking patterns.

The cognitive distortions are:

Over-generalizing

All-or-nothing thinking

Labelling

Blaming

Mind-reading

Phrophesying

Emotionalizing

Personalising

Awfulizing

Should-ing

Filtering

Cant-ing

Discounting

Identifying


Over- generalizing Jumping to Conclusions (Making things Pervasive)

Description Problems it Creates Solution

Taking only a few facts or none at all and jumping to premature conclusions. Assuming them to be true. Assuming that a negative experience in one area pervades every aspect of life. Creates false cause-effect structures.

Limits finer distinctions Hides critical success factors Blinds to possibilities

Contextual thinking Inquire about the context of the information and index by asking; what, when, where, which, who and why? Ask about vague terms and unspecified nouns and verbs. Outcome: clarity and precision

All-or-nothing thinking Making things Pervasive


Polarizing at extremes, hence, black-or-white thinking. Either or thinking that posits options as two-valued choices, either this or that. Gives no other choices, nothing in the middle. Aristotle’s “excluded middle.

Eliminates and hides all values in between the polar choices. Set up extremes as in manic-depression Undermines creativity and choices Creates obsessions, compulsions

Both-and-Thinking: In-between thinking Test situation to see if there is some option in-between the extremes. To what degree? Gauge for percentages, scale from 0 to 10. Check contexts Outcome: expands choice


Labelling Name Calling


Assuming that a name or label can accurately and adequately describe something. Labelling over-generalizes to reduce reality to just a word, confusing a verbal map with the territory

Sells a person short by putting into a box and assuming that’s all the person is. Hides reality in a label

Map-Territory thinking, Reality-testing thinking Ask: Is this just a label, just a word? Explore: In what way is it bad, undesirable? What are you referring to? When? Where? Under what conditions? Outcome: more accurate mapping

Blaming


Accusatory thinking that transfers blame and responsibility for a problem to someone or something else.

Limits recognizing ‘response-ability’. Wastes energy accusing someone Blinds one to response for change. Impairs power of responsibility

Responsibility / Denominalizing / Systemic thinking Ask: what am I response-able for? To whom? Is this a response that others make? Question the nominalization – What is the process? The action? What action has been “named” (nominalized)? What is the system? Who is in it? How does the system work? Outcome: Clarity, see processes rather than things.


Mind-reading


Projecting thoughts, feelings, intuitions onto others without checking our guesses with the person, over-trusting our “intuitions” about other people and seeing them through the lens of our mental filters rather than checking out our interpretations and assumptions

Limits seeing and dealing with a person based on facts of sensory data. Projects beliefs onto others

Sensory thinking What are the facts? See-hear-feel facts? Ask: How do you know that? How draw that conclusion? What are the probabilities? What are you feeling or thinking? Outcome: straightens out relationship, encourages dialogue, keep things present

Prophesying Making things Permanent


Projecting negative outcomes into the future without seeing alternatives or possible ways to proactively intervene. Seeing problems and hurts as permanent, and never-ending

Limits hope, belief, vision, dreaming, possibilities. Makes problems permanent and so eliminates solutions

Tentative thinking in predicting Study trends, factors and causes that contribute to an experience. Study consequences and probabilities Outcome: Opens future, identifies leverage points, increase ability to influence


Emotionalizing Wishful thinking


Taking counsel of one’s emotions as an infallible source for reality, assuming that if feeling an emotion makes it must real and that one must act on that feeling. “If I want something, I should have it” “My wishing will make it real”

Limits choice by creating an emotional determinism. Impairs healthy use of emotions

Observational/ Witnessing thinking Step back and just observe. Witness senses, facts, activities without making any judgement. Suspend evaluation; witness what is. Outcome: increases choices and options, stops the colouring of things by emotions, obtain cleaner information

Personalizing


Perceiving circumstances and actions of others as targeted toward yourself, perceiving world through the ego-centric filter that everything, or most things, is about yourself. Ego-centric thinking

Limits clear perceptions. Blinds one to seeing world through one’s ego filters

Objective, observing thinking Step back and take second or third perceptual position; what does this look like from neutral observer? Could this be about the source rather than me? Outcome: make things more objective, gain clean information, distinguish self and world.


Awfulizing Making things Pervasive (Emotionalizing + Labelling = Awfulizing)


Imagining the worst possible scenario and amplifying it with the word “Awful” (“This is awful!”) without clear indication about what awful actually refers to. It takes an unpleasant event and spreads it around to other aspects of life, making it pervasive

Limits problem-solving skills. Prevents one from working on creative solutions. Misdirects energy to whining and complaining.

Meta-cognitive thinking Ask about patterns and structures above and beyond the story and content. Identify thinking patterns. Question words and terms for what they refer to. Outcome: Expand awareness of factors in the back of the mind, see and identify patterns and leverage points of change.

Should-ing Demandingness


Using the words “should” or “must” to pressure yourself and others to conform to rules. When using “must,” we are “musterbating” (Ellis). “The tyranny of the shoulds” (Horney)

Limits a sense of choice. Leashes one to a sense of dreadful duty. Eliminates sense of choice.

Choice thinking Test “should” “must” and “have too’. Why? Who says? What is the rule? What is the demand? Change to “want” or “prefer.” Outcome: prevents addiction and build-up of pressure. Keeps wants and desires healthy.


Filtering


Over-focusing on one facet of something to the exclusive of everything else to create a tunnel vision perspective. Filtering out what’s positive and solutions

Limits full perspective. Blinds one from seeing beyond the tunnel vision.

Perspective/ meta-cognitive thinking Step back and identify filters that create tunnel vision. Take third-person perspective to empathize with another’s view. Outcome: expands awareness to see other perspectives.

Can’t-ing Taboo-ing; Prohibiting Filtering


Imposing semantic limits on oneself and others using the word “can’t” which presupposes that there is some law or rule that constrains us from doing something

Limits ideas about what’s possible. Stunts ideas of human potential. Impairs ability to dream and to take risks

Possibility thinking

Test “cant’s” Is physical or psychological “can’t?” Ask: What stops you? “Do you have permission?” “What would it look, sound or feel like?” Outcome: frees from constraints and opens up new possibilities


Discounting – Perfectionism Pessimistic Thinking


The mental attitude of rejecting and/or putting down by dis-qualifying possible solutions, successes or possibilities (as in “That doesn’t count”,” That’s nothing”). “It could have been better.”

Limits small approximates of success and solutions from being recognized and developed.

Appreciative thinking Ask: What counts for you? In what way? How can this be valued? For what? What else? Do you have permission to make mistakes? Outcome: reinforce small steps, enrich sense of value, and awaken appreciation

Identifying Identification


Treating two things as if the same. Confusing levels. Using the “to be” verb to create identification: “He is,” “she is,” “they are”

Confuses things, fails to make distinctions, and limits self-distinction to identifications

E-prime / Process thinking Challenge and replace “to be” verbs with verbs that actually describe what a person is doing. Not: “I am a father” but “I father …”


Well-formed outcome


Well-formed outcome pattern:

1. State the outcome in positive terms.

Where are you now? (Present State)

Where do you want to be? (Desired State)What do you want in that desired state?

What do you want to positively achieve or experience? What are you going toward?

2. Specify the outcome in sensory based terms.

What will you see, hear, feel, etc., when you have it?

What steps or stages are involved in reaching this outcome?

Have you used all of your senses in this description?

3. Identify the Contexts of this desired outcome.

Where, when, how, with whom, etc. will you get this outcome?

In what context or contexts is this outcome appropriate?

What are the most fitting and appropriate contexts for this outcome?

4. Identify the steps and stages involved in reaching this outcome.

What are the steps involved in reaching this goal? What are the stages involved?

Is this goal chunk down into small enough bits so that you feel that each piece is do-able?

Does the size of this outcome seem overwhelming to you at all?

5. Self-initiated and maintained.

Is the outcome something that you can initiate yourself and maintain? Do you have it within your

power and ability to reach this goal? Is it within your control? Can you initiate the actions to get

started?

Can you maintain those actions or is it dependent upon what someone else needs to do?

6. Identify the resources you will need to achieve this outcome.

What resources will you need in order to get this outcome? Who will you have to become?

Who else has achieved this outcome?

Have you ever had or done this before? Do you know anyone who has?

What prevents you from moving toward it and attaining it now?

7. Evidence Procedure.

How will you know that your outcome has been realized? What will let you know that you have

attained that desired state? When are you there? When will you feel satisfied?

8. Make sure the outcome is compelling and motivating.

Is the outcome compelling? Does it pull on you? Will it get you up out of bed in the morning?

How much do you want this?

How much do you feel this as compelling from 0 to 10 if 10 is absolute?

How much do you need this to feel motivated?

What do you need to do to make it more sparkling for you? What would make this really sparkle?


9. Quality Control the Outcome to make sure it is balanced and ecological.

Is the desired outcome ecological? What will you gain through it? What will you lose?

Is it achievable? Does it respect your health, relationships, etc.?

Are there any parts of you that object to actualizing this desired outcome?

10. Put the outcome on your time-line in your future and try it on.

As you imagine a time and place in your future when this will become real to you…

just allow yourself to go there now…

in your mind… and be there… fully experiencing it and enjoying it… that’s right, and as you do just

notice what it’s like when you reach this goal. Notice how it feels, what things look like, sound like,

what your world is like, how you are moving through it… and enjoy this… checking it out on the

inside to see if this is what you want… and being aware of how you might want to edit it and make

sure that it really fits.

Well-formed problem pattern:

1. What: Specificity: Precision in Description.

- Is there a problem or challenge? If there is, how do you know? What is your evidence? What

is/was worst example of this? The best? How is it a problem? In what way? In what area? To

whom? What does it stop you from doing or experiencing? How do you know even to call it a

problem? What percentage? Where gauge 0 -10? Have you tested the problem? How clean is

your data about the problem? Do you know the answer or solution to the problem? What is it?

2. Where: Scope of the problem: Boundaries: Where, Contexts?

- Where does the problem occur? Where does it not? Where does it begin, end ect? Has this

ever been solved by others? Where has it been solved? Who is affected by this problem? Who

else is affected by it? Who is involved? Where does the problem begin? Where does it end?

3. Symptoms: What are the symptoms of the problem?

- What are the symptoms of this problem? How do the symptoms dominate focus and attention?

What is the actual problem? Are we solving the problem’s source or symptoms?

4. When: Time element. When?

- How long have you had this problem? When did it start? What originally initiated it? What is

your time-frame for solving the problem? Does it come or go or is the problem constant?

5. Causes: Specific causes and contributing influences.

- What has caused or contributed to this? What triggers the problem? What else has contributed

to this? Are there ever occasions when you don’t experience it as a problem? How much of a

problem is it? How do you measure it? What is the source?

6. So what? Consequences clearly specified: Consequences?


- What will happen if the problem remains? Who will it affect? How do you know? What will

happen if the problem is solved?

7. What has been tried? Attempted solutions explored

- How have you tried to solve this problem? What did you learn from your attempts? How did

you adjust your response when it did not work? What else have you tried? What have you not

tried?

8. WHO: Ownership of the problem.

- Who is responsible for solving this? Is it your problem? To what degree can you solve it?

- Who else is involved in the solution? To what extent?

9. WHO ELSE? Political frames and dimensions: Interpersonal contexts?

- Who wants this solved the most? Is this a problem to anyone else? Who does not want it

solved? Are there any rules or policies about this? What expectations, demands and

permissions affect this problem?

10. FRAMES: Meanings

- What does it mean to you? What else? What assumptions are you making about the problem?

Why is this important?

- Why is this a problem? What are the possibilities? What solutions have you imagined or could

you design?

- Can the problem be solved? If it can be, what would a solution look like?

11. ASSUMPTIONS

- What are you assuming about the problem?

- What assumptions are required to define the problem in this way?

- What mental constraints are restraining your thinking?

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