MAKING A HEART TO HEART CONNECTION WITH YOUR KID SESSION 4-RELATIONSHIP & OPERATING FROM OUR STRENGTHS

Summary of Prior Sessions Mission Statement-What’s your

bottom-line? We’ve developed a parenting mission statement with the following keys: Love/Relationship Freedom

Moving from external control to self-c0ntrol Moving from total dependence to

independence Choices

Summary of Prior Sessions Strategy Development

Shifting from the Disrespect Factory to the Honor Factory

Violence

Anger

Fear

Others control

me

Blame

I can control others

Honor

Love

Safe Place

Power

Choices

Self-contro

l

Summary of Prior Sessions Strategy Development

Keys to shifting You’re the model

You’re powerful! You must control you no matter what your child does-disrespect, emotional outbursts, & other crisis!

Communicate with your kids Include your kids into the process

Summary of Prior Session Love is a Key Our ability to keep our love “on” &

communicate love in our kids love language helps to create a safe place for them to practice making choices & learn self-control Did you share with your kids? How did it go? Did your kids take the Love Languages assessment?

What did you learn? When people are loved & accepted we create a

space for the very best of them to emerge & for them to discover who they are & why they are here

Today’s Session-Strengths-Using Ours & Seeing Others What is a strength? Why learn your strengths? Paradigm Shift…again! StrengthsFinder 2.0

What is a Strength?

Strength (Free Dictionary Online) The state, property, or quality of being

strong. The power to resist attack;

impregnability. The power to resist strain or stress;

durability. A strength is an activity, talent or

quality that makes you feel strong & will sustain & fulfill you as you move through life.

Why Learn Your Strengths? Gallup surveyed over 10 million

people Only 1 in 3 strongly agreed with the

following-”At work, I have the opportunity to do what I do best every day.”

In a recent poll of 1,000 people of those who responded “strongly disagree” or “disagree” with the above statement, not one single person was emotionally engaged on the job.

Only 17% of the workforce gets to play to their strengths & are engaged at work.

Why Learn Your Strengths? Gallup studies have shown that

people who do have the opportunity to focus on their strengths everyday are Six times more likely to be engaged in

their jobs Three times more likely to report

having an excellent quality of life in general.

Why Learn Your Strengths?If the people around chance of you

being you primarily actively disengaged

Ignore you 40%Focus on weaknesses 22%Focus on strengths 1%

Why Learn Your Strengths? When your not using your strengths

You dread going to work/school Have more negative interactions than

positive interactions with people Treat people poorly Achieve less on a daily basis Have fewer creative & positive moments.

When using your strengths Increase in your confidence, direction,

hope and kindness towards others.

Paradigm Shift

The aim of most learning programs is to help us become who we are not. No talent with numbers? Still forced to

spend time in order to get a degree. Not empathic? You get sent to a course

designed to infuse empathy into your personality.

We create icons out of people who struggle to overcome a lack of natural talent. Rudy Ruettiger, 1993 movie Rudy

Paradigm Shift

Our culture is infused with books, movies and folklore that highlight the underdog who beats one-in-a-million odds.

This has lead us to celebrate those who overcome their lack of natural ability even more than we recognize those who capitalize on their innate talents.

As a result, we see these “heroes” as being the epitome of the American Dream & we set out to conquer our major weaknesses/challenges.

Paradigm Shift

Your child comes home with the following grades: Algebra A History A English F Science C

Which grade should you focus on? 77% of parents said they would focus on the F.

Think about this, we are actually rewarding excellence with apathy, instead of investing more time in the areas where a child has the most potential for greatness.

Lies We Believe & the Truth

Lies As you grow, you

change. You grow the most by

focusing on your weaknesses & improving them.

You must put aside your strengths & do whatever the team needs you to do to win.

Truth As you grow, you

become more & more of who you already are.

You grow the most in your area of strength.

The team needs you to bring all of your strengths to the table so that they can win.

StrengthsFinder Overview Culmination of 50 years of research

by Dr. Donald O. Clifton & team. The Father of Strengths Based

Psychology & creator of StrengthFinder. 34 Themes of talent or classification

of talents 4 Leadership Domains of Strength

The 34 Talents Grouped by the 4 Leadership Domains

What Are Your Strengths?

Talent Themes Summary

Leadership StrengthFinder          Domain Theme Summary Need Love Dislike ExampleExecuting Achiever Constant need for achievement every day,

a drive to do more.Constant sense of accomplishment.

Finishing a job or task.

A day with no form of achievement, slackering.

Indiana Jones

Influencing Activator Impatient for action. Once a decision is made, you cannot not act. You believe that action is the best device for learning.

To act, you can discuss along the way.

Movement, catalyzing others into building momentum.

Inaction, deliberation & long meetings

Green Lantern

Relational Adaptability You are a very flexible person who can stay productive when the demands of work are pulling you in many different directions at once.

Ability to respond to the needs of the moment.

Constantly changing circumstances, variety.

Rigid, structure, routine & predictability.

McGyver

Strategic Analytical You see yourself as objective and dispassionate. You like data because they are value free. They have no agenda. Armed with these data, you search for patterns and connections. You want to understand how certain patterns affect one another.

Data, facts, concrete proof & time to process.

Turning info & data into facts to build a case.

Unsubstantiated theories

Sherlock Holmes

Executing Arranger Manages & aligns multiple variables, devises new options to achieve best results.

Ability to change things.

Looking for the perfect configuration.

Rigidity & inability to try new ways.

Coaches

Talent Theme Summary

Leadership StrengthFinder          Domain Theme Summary Need Love Dislike ExampleExecuting Belief Core values provide direction & guide

decision making. Work that aligns with beliefs.

Opportunity t express beliefs.

Tasks that go against belief or have no purpose

Maximus

Influencing Command Takes charge, compelled to share facts and take risks.

You need things to be clear between people and challenge them to be clear-eyed and honest.

Being in leadership roles.

Passive or unclear leadership.

Brave heart

Influencing Communication Likes to explain, host, speak & write. Can easily put thoughts into words so that others can feel it.

Opportunity to express ideas,

Developing thoughts that capture others.

Silence or inexpressive communication.

Story tellers

Influencing Competition Compares personal performance to others.

To win or beat standard.

Contests & measurement because it facilitates comparisons.

Less than best effort. Olympic athletes

Relational Connectedness All are part of the bigger picture. We are responsible for each other.

To be part of something bigger than themselves.

Finding connections. Segregation Rafiki

Executing Consistency Treats people the same, provides rules, guards against unfair advantages.

To be a guardian of fairness.

Predictability & even handedness.

Special favors & unfair advantages.

Judge Judy

Talent Theme Summary

Leadership StrengthFinder          Domain Theme Summary Need Love Dislike ExampleStrategic Context Looks back to understand the present An understanding of

how we got here to get to future.

Learning from the past.

Ignorance of historical events.

Supreme Court Justices

Executing Deliberative Careful, vigilant, private & serious Time to process information before making a decision.

Providing advice or counsel.

Hasty, poorly thought through action

Monk

Relational Developer Sees potential in others & wants to help them succeed.

To build someone or something.

Recognizing progress.

Low self-motivation. Tony Robbins

Executing Discipline Needs order, planning & structure to provide predictability in a world of chaos.

Predictability & order.

Routine, structure, feeling in control.

Surprises & impatient with errors/mistakes.

Walle

Relational Empathy Senses the emotions of others & anticipates their needs.

Freedom to express emotions.

Full range of emotions/ expressions.

Insensitivity to others feelings.

Mother Teresa

Executing Focus Clear destination, goal & efficiancy To set goals. Keeping everone on point.

Delays, obstacles, and tangents, no matter how intriguing they appear to be.

Michael Jordan

Strategic Futuristic Fascinated by the future, dreams of what could be.

Freedom to explore possibilities.

Dreaming how things could be.

Stuck in the status quo.

Jewels Vern

Talent Theme SummaryLeadership StrengthFinder          Domain Theme Summary Need Love Dislike ExampleRelational Harmony Looks for areas of agreement,

compromises objectives, steers away from conflict.

Find areas of agreement.

Building unity for the common good.

Ongoing disagreement.

Kaffi Anan

Strategic Ideation Fascinated by ideas, concepts that connect, explain & enlighten.

Time to investigate new thoughts & possibilities.

New ways of doing things.

Doing things the same way.

Steven Spielberg

Relational Includer Everyone is important & should be included.

Opportunity to invite others to the table.

Stretching the circle wider.

Exclusivity, people feeling like they are on the outside looking in.

Dorothy in Oz

Relational Individualization Focuses on the differences & unique qualities of people.

Uniqueness of each person.

Generalizations & stereotyping.

Strategic Input Inquisitive, collects things, appreciates infinity variety and complexity.

Somewhere to store gathered info.

Supplying info people need.

Not having information or resources.

Tour Guide

Strategic Intellection Thinker, enjoys introspection & reflection Time to ponder/process.

Thinking things through.

Moving w/o time to think.

The Thinker

Strategic Learner Drawn to the process of learning. The process of learning is exciting for you. The outcome of the learning is less significant than the “getting there.”

Access to new information.

Process of learning. No hunger for learning.

Profes-sional Student

Influencing Maximizer Transforming something strong into something superb by cultivating strengths.

Ability to nurture & develop others.

Excellence! Focusing on weaknesses.

Life Coaches

Talent Theme SummaryLeadership StrengthFinder          Domain Theme Summary Need Love Dislike ExampleRelational Positivity Generous with praise, quick to smile, and

always on the lookout for the positive in the situation. You celebrate every achievement. You find ways to make everything more exciting and more vital.

Ability to express energy & enthusiasm.

Seeing & expressing the best.

Negativity & cynacism.

Tigger

Relational Relator Pulled towards people you already know & developing intimacy. Developing deep & meaningful relationships.

Time to foster genuine relationships.

Deep, intimate conversations/relationships

New social environments.

Samwise from LOR

Executing Responsibility You take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your conscientiousness and your impeccable ethics, combine to create your reputation: utterly dependable.

Meet commitments. Being considered dependable.

Apologies, excuses & rationalizations for unmet commitments.

Frodo

Executing Restorative You love to solve problems. You enjoy the challenge of analyzing the symptoms, identifying what is wrong, and finding the solution.

Time to analyze the symptoms, identify what is wrong, and find the solution.

Bringing things back to life.

Denial Nancy Drew

Influencing Self-Assurance You have faith in your strengths. You have confidence not only in your abilities but in your judgment.

Authority & accountability to live your life.

Startup situations where there are no rule books.

People who tell you what to think.

Thor

Talent Theme Summary

Leadership StrengthFinder          Domain Theme Summary Need Love Dislike ExampleInfluencing Significance You want to be recognized. You want to be

heard. You want to stand out. You want to be known. In particular, you want to be known and appreciated for the unique strengths you bring.

You feel a need to be admired as credible, professional, and successful.

Having free reign, leeway to do things your way.

Mediocrity

Strategic Strategic You sort through the clutter and find the best route. You see patterns where others simply see complexity.

Freedom to explore & adjust.

Seeing alternatives that others didn't.

Unwillingness to explore.

Data Star Trek

Influencing Woo Winning others over. You enjoy the challenge of meeting new people and getting them to like you.

Opportunities to meet new people every day.

Making new connections.

Limited social variability.

Princess Diana

Understanding Your Individual Strengths

Using Your Strengths in Parenting & Other Roles

How Unique Are You?

Top 5 strengths in any order:1 in 275,000

Top 5 strengths in order: 1 in 33,000,000

Top 10 strengths in any order: 1 in 447 trillion

Truly embracing the mysteries of our uniqueness. Unreasonable to expect another individual

to be like you.

Valuing Our Uniqueness

Valuing Our Diversity

Valuing diversity as part of what makes us complete & whole. I want you to play to your strengths,

because it benefits the team! If you don’t bring your piece of the puzzle to

the table the picture is incomplete!

Strategies for Using Our Strengths What are your kids strengths?

Observation StrengthsQuest & StrengthsExplorer

What can you do to create a safe place for your kids to discover their strengths? How can you lower anxiety/fear in your

relationship? What can you do to give them the

freedom to use their strengths?