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Coaching in the prisonsystem

What happens when your client dies?The human face of change

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The Rise of

Leading change inthe corporate world

CorporateCoaching

The Rise ofCorporateCoaching

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With major corporations likeHewlett-Packard, Royal Dutch Shelland Kimberly Clark leading the way,business organizations large andsmall are beginning to get the mes-sage — that the new demands ofglobal business and rapidly shiftingtechnology require leaders capablenot only of anticipating and respond-ing to change but also inspiring oth-ers to follow their lead. This is a tallorder for those executives not ade-quately prepared to deal with thehuman face of change. And indeed, asa business coach working at the cor-porate level, it is my experience that

executives are far more comfortablestrategizing for change than dealingwith the human consequences ofimplementing those strategies.That’s why understanding the psy-chology of change is critical forcoaches who aspire to help theirclients develop the emotional intelli-gence necessary to negotiate thestress and turbulence inherent inleading for change.

In this article I want to considerchange and its evil twin, resistance,

from a unique per-spective that hashelped me in coachingmy business clientsto be more effectiveleaders for change.

Executive or manager, any leaderwho has tried to initiate change willdoubtlessly have experienced firsthand the frustration that comes inthe face of mind-numbing, foot-drag-ging resistance. And it doesn’t seemto matter what they do — explain,cajole, reward, demand, threaten —they invariably report spending moretime fighting resistance than doing

the real job of implementing change.But what if the problem is not resis-tance itself but the way in which werelate to it? What if it turns out thatresistance, rather than being a barrier,is actually a doorway for change?

Change as threatChange inevitably raises the specterof the unknown. Therefore regard-less of whether or not the change isbeneficial, it is bound to be experi-enced as a threat by those asked to

participate. In my experience coach-ing senior executives, especiallythose who have risen through theranks of Research and Development(for example, as engineers), thereseems to be an almost ingrainedbelief that simply providing moreinformation will automatically elimi-nate the anxiety (typically expressedas resistance) that naturally attendschange. But contrary to this belief,indications are that the more infor-mation we throw at resistance themore resistance it inspires.

As a coach, I want to help myclients come to a simple truth — thatas human beings we don’t respond tochange intellectually, we respondemotionally. Whether we are con-scious of it or not, the anticipation ofchange triggers insecurity. We imme-diately ask ourselves, “How will thischange affect my world?” We can’tpossibly know the answer with anycertainty; only that at some levelthings won’t be the same. It is theuncertainty of change that provokesin us a sense of powerlessness, that

By Kerry Gordon, PhD

“Resistance conceived as an obstacle, a rockin the stream, is an inappropriate metaphor.”

perspective

Helping clients lead by example

Resistance is Fertile

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we are somehow being overtaken byevents beyond our control. And sofor all kinds of reasons we resist — itmay be because we feel overbur-dened by change, or we don’t trustthe authority imposing it, or perhapswe feel that the change is a threat toour job or challenges our compe-tence. Will this change make moredemands on our time and cut intoour personal life? Or maybe havingalways done things in a certain, famil-iar way, we dig in our heels out ofsheer cussedness. The reasons forresistance vary but attempts toexplain it away by providing moreinformation do little to address theanxiety and uncertainty that changeengenders.

Using the right languageAnd yet, with respect to resistance,most executives tend to be typical intheir response. “This initiative is sucha good idea,” they insist. “If we canjust explain it a little more fully every-one will get on side.” In such cases,though my clients may be demon-strating the best of intentions, theirefforts to persuade come across liketourists trying to communicate in aforeign land. No matter how careful-ly they try to explain themselves, thelocals look back at them with a blankstare. So what do the tourists do?They speak louder as though theproblem is that they’re not beingheard. In reality, of course, the situa-tion has nothing to do with hearing;it has to do with understanding. If thetourists want a response they mustrealize that rather than speakinglouder they would do better to learnthe language.

Similarly, what I want to help myclients realize is that presenting andre-presenting information does not

address the central problem ofresistance. Effective leadership isnot about shouting louder but isabout tuning into the reality of theresistance and finding a languagethat allows for a meaningful level ofcommunication. Most executivesand managers charged with leadingchange tend to see resistance as anobstacle, a barrier to be breached.The feeling is that if they persistand, with superior logic and intel-lect, hammer away at the resistantrock in the stream, eventually therock will be dissolved and thestream will flow smoothly again.But resistance conceived as anobstacle, a rock in the stream, is aninappropriate metaphor.

As a coach, my challenge is tohelp my clients think of resistancenot as a barrier but as feedback andunderstand that their real job is todiscern its meaning. Simply put, ifresistance is a form of expression,then to be effective, leaders need tobe willing to find out what it isthat’s being expressed.

A new perspectiveWhat I am proposing is a differentway of perceiving resistance — notas a thing that prevents change butrather as an integral part of thechange process itself. But this is achallenging perspective for most ofmy clients. Initially, it seems to flyin the face of logic. “If not by pro-viding more information then howam I supposed to address resis-tance?” The answer doesn’t neces-sarily make the proposition anyeasier to swallow. But simply put,the most effective way to deal withresistance is through empathy.

In essence, empathy is the ability toput ourselves in another’s shoes, to be

aware of and sensitive to the feelingsof others without their having toexplicitly express them to us. Empa-thy is fundamentally about listening.

It is the ability to attune, not just tothe content of what is being said, butto the emotional field that underliesit. While this may all sound very ‘NewAge, touchy, feely,’ the fact is that inrecent years, more and more leader-ship trainers, coaches and manage-ment consultants have begun torecognize empathy as a core leader-ship competency. And for obviousreasons. Without a developed capac-ity for empathetic relationship, exec-utives and senior managers cannothope to enroll their organizations inthe level of transformative changethat will, in the words of managementguru Jim Collins, move their compa-nies from good to great.

The question that concerns ushere is whether or not empathy iscoachable. It sounds so intuitivethat it might be assumed that eitherone is an empathetic person or oneisn’t. The truth is quite the oppo-site — empathetic leaders are madenot born. It’s a bit like yoga.

While the yogic experience mightbe characterized as mystical — anexperience of oneness or unity —

perspective

“Empathetic leadership begins,not with fixing, butwith connecting to the uncertaintyof others by honestly reflectingon our own.”

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the actual learning of yoga is com-pletely technical, which is to say itcan be taught. We go to a yogateacher and are shown the breath-ing and postural techniques to prac-tice. While the depth of experiencegained through doing yoga is uniqueto each individual, everyone has thetechnical capacity to learn how todo it. So it is with empathy. It’s notmagic, it’s technical, and can belearned by any leader willing toapply effort and perseverance. Inthat sense developing empatheticawareness is no different fromlearning to ice skate or play thepiano. The level of skill that oneultimately attains is dependent onmany factors but everyone has thecapacity to learn.

That being said, the ability on the

part of my clients to learn is partand parcel with my ability as a coachto teach. As a coach I need to beconstantly practicing and honingmy own empathetic skills and teachfirst by demonstrating those skillsin every coaching session. While itis by no means the only way ofteaching empathy, the active listen-ing that I demonstrate in sessionmay well be the first experience thatmy clients have in actually relatingempathetically to another.

Reflecting on experienceBut beyond that if I want to coachmy clients in developing empathythen I need to help them under-stand that the capacity to walk inanother person’s shoes presupposestheir having taken the time to

reflect on the experience of walkingin their own. Empathy is after allbased in shared experience, so if Iam unaware of my own fears andanxieties how can I possibly attendto the experience of another in anymeaningful way? When a person isstruggling with their own discom-fort the last thing they need issomeone telling them the best wayto fix it and make it go away. Nomatter how well intentioned, thebelief that we have the answer thatwill fix the problem is almost alwaysperceived as patronizing and onlyserves to make matters worse byincreasing the emotional distancebetween the person struggling andthe person trying to help.

And yet in business this is typical-ly how most leaders attempt to deal

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with resistance. By acting as thoughthey have the answer, leaders aredismissing the resistance (and, byextension, the anxiety of thoseexpressing it) as baseless. The resultis an ever-widening gulf betweenleaders and those they are attempt-ing to lead. It is therefore criticalthat I help my clients understandthe value of inner reflection inorder that they can begin to see theworld through the eyes of the other.It is in this sense that empatheticleadership begins, not with fixing,but with connecting to the uncer-tainty of others by honestly reflect-ing on our own.

Empathetic leadership is the will-ingness to actively engage in thehuman condition rather than choos-

ing to be exempt from it. It meansstepping out from behind a protec-tive position of authority andacknowledging that we don’t neces-sarily have the answers and that,though we may be optimistic, we alsohave concerns. But it takes a lot ofcourage for leaders to admit that theymay have the same sorts of fears andanxieties as those they lead, becausein allowing themselves to be seen ashaving uncertainty they become vul-nerable. My aim is to help my clientssee that it is this very vulnerabilitythat draws others to trust them andinspires them to share and ultimatelyparticipate in their vision for change.

That resistance is a natural part ofthe change process and that empa-thy is the most effective means of

response is a challenging proposi-tion. As a coach it is all too easy forme to conjoin with my clients in thefrustration they feel when facedwith resistance. My natural impulseis to try and help them fix theproblem by making it go away. But ifI take that tack I am failing in myrole as coach because problem solv-ing is not, after all, what I do. Myreal job is to provide perspective. Bychallenging my clients to considerresistance in a new way I enablethem to redefine their roles andachieve extraordinary results. •Kerry Gordon, PhD, is a principal atInDepth Leadership, a company providingcoaching in transformative leadership andorganizational development.

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