lol (laugh out loud) by alison white

7/29/2019 LOL (Laugh Out Loud) by Alison White

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LOL (Laugh Out Loud)

Humour for life and speakers

The Survival Of The Wittiest


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Alison has had a life-long interest in humour as acommunication skill. Not having been personally

blessed with the gift of humour, she has had to study

it to find out how it is developed and used. She has

discovered that humour is also a science and an art.

As a speaker, she found humour to be an invaluable

asset in presentations and has learned techniques touse it when speaking.


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A l i s o n W h i t e

LOL (Laugh Out Loud)

Humour for life

and speakersThe Survival of the Wittiest


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Copyright A l i s o n W h i t eThe right of Alison White to be identified as author of this workhas been asserted by her in accordance with section 77 and 78 ofthe Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may bereproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in anyform or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of thepublishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this

publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claimsfor damages.

I have tried to acknowledge the author of a joke or one-liner, ifknown. However so much humour has been around since thedawn of time, having been re-told and updated over the eons.

The original author may be impossible to find and may have welleven been Adam (or Eve). Humour can also be attributed to the

wrong author during this period of recycling; ah, such is thenature of humourI have also tried to acknowledge the authors of quotations.However, these can suffer the same fate as humour, for they toocan vary from the original and find themselves often attributed toothers. The original quote and author can be lost in this process.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British

Library.

ISBN 978 1 84963 222 5

www.austinmacauley.comFirst Published (2013)

Austin & Macauley Publishers Ltd.25 Canada SquareCanary WharfLondonE14 5LBPrinted & Bound in Great Britain


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D e d i c a t i o n

To my husband John and daughter Claire, who have

had a life-time of listening to my jokes and attempts

at humour, and have suffered for my sake. Also, mylate father Ted, a lifelong exponent of humour and

my early mentor in the art. My late mother Ivy must

also be included for as she once complained to my

father, I have been listening to the same jokes for

60 years! (His response was that after 60 years, it

would be easier to change his wife than his jokes).

I would also like to thank the publishers AustinMacauley, for giving me the opportunity to publish.


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INTRODUCTION

WHY ME?

Those that can, do; those that cant, teach.

GB Shaw

Why is an old biddy like me, presuming to teach youabout the use of Humour? If I am so clever and such ariot, why am I not out there with Joan Rivers, JenniferSaunders and Dawn French, bringing the house downand earning millions?

Good question. And the answer is that I am not astalented as these people not by a country mile!

Because I do not have their talent but I love humourand comedy, I have made a study of the subject in away those who have natural talent do not need to do.Perhaps it is the old maxim as above, of, those whocan do, and those who cant teach!

Also, I was a professional speaker hey more semi-professional really. I have always tried to make any

presentation or workshop I undertook, contain humour.I believe that every speaking event, even the mostserious of topics, should contain some humour and


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in fact, must contain humour. The driest lecture oneconomics, the annual report to shareholders or thefuneral eulogy, are all enhanced by humour. It is my

belief that every presentation or speech should have atleast three humour interludes at the beginning, themiddle and the end, and more if possible.

I originally decided to write this book for speakers. Itwas designed to assist speakers to introduce humourinto their presentations, or to be able to givehumourous speeches such as the after-dinner variety.

But as I worked I realised that trying to teach humourto speakers who may have little or no personal senseof humour, might be like trying to teach someone withno sense of balance to be an acrobat. So I decided toextend this mission to (hopefully) help speakers andanyone else who is interested, how to improve theirhumour quotient; that is, their use of humour as a life

skill. And then move on to speaking.

Can humour or comedy be learned? I believe that weare all born with a capacity for humour but I guess thatthere are a small group of people who have no humourat all. Perhaps these unfortunates have had some sortof deprivation in their upbringing which has led to thembeing impervious to the comedy around them. Perhapsthey were brought up in an environment where theywere told to wipe the smile off their faces and not to befunny. Perhaps their homes were mausoleums of self-righteous piety and somber gloom.

I even knew one very religious family many years ago,who actually thought that humour was a sin.

Maybe some people really think that you can dielaughing; or when someone starts off a humourous


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anecdote or joke with the preamble, this one will slayyou they really mean it!

Whatever happened to humourless people, they are a

nightmare for the humourist. They do not understandjokes, and as for irony!!

Make a satirical remark to these people and theyusually take you literally. You end up having to sayjust joking, explaining your meaning or slashing your

wrists. Fortunately, these sad people are in the

minority and I am not sure that a little humoureducation might not do some of them some good.

People who are a particular problem for me, are thosewho have sufficient appreciation of humour to attemptto tell a joke, and then forget the punch line. Maybethis is a psychosomatic ploy, in which their emotionsallow them to go so far with humour. These people are

stuck in the middle somewhere: they know thathumour works but just do not know how to go thewhole mile. If this is you, then you have humourpotential. Read on.

I have learned that humour is certainly a gift that somepeople are lucky enough to possess. However there isalso a science and an art to humour, both of which can

be learned by those of us without the gift. By learningthese skills, as in any subject that you might havemastered, you too can become a humourist.

I liken learning the science and art of humour, to theold Atlas Body Building advertisements of my yoof.Those closer to my age group might recall pictorial

advertisements drawn in comic frames, of the poor ladwho was a 90 pound weakling. He got sand kicked inhis face at the beach by the bully, in front of the bikini-clad girls. So he sends off for the Atlas Body Building


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kit, which enables people to practise body building intheir own home without equipment. It apparentlytaught the basic muscle moves and people practiced

pretending they had barbells, weights and the like.I understand that this was a very successful method ofinstruction in body building, and the 90 pound weaklingreturns to the beach after using this method, turnedthe table on the bully and impresses the girls. (Maybemany a prisoner practising in his cell, managed tostage a jail break with his newly acquired muscles?)

Hopefully my years of observation will help you to usethe Atlas kit of humour I give you the tools and youdo the practise. I do not have the monopoly on thissubject by any means, and remember, these are onlymy views and understandings. Read as widely as youcan on the topic, attend comedy routines and shows immerse yourself in the topic. Make your own study ofthe subject.

I have attempted to keep the examples of jokesanecdotes and quotations used, as respectable aspossible. However I have not always succeeded in thisendeavour, as some jokes that might not be suitablefor every audience, were such good examples of the

genre, that I could not help but include them. Andsome of them tickled my laughter muscle so much,that I felt that I could not ignore them. My apologies if Ihave offended anyone.

I have also tried to acknowledge the author of a joke, ifknown. However so many jokes have been aroundsince the dawn of time, having been told and re-told

and updated over the eons, that the original author isimpossible to find. It might well be Adam or Eve.


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Being an Australian, many of my examples areAustralian (what a surprise!). So where possible,where the person or show is not internationally known,

I have included a brief explanation.


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CHAPTER 1

WHY BOTHER?

Never teach comedy. It's ludicrous. It's like teachingsomeone sight. If you can see, it's pointless; if you

can't see, it's pointless.

Ricky Gervais

Teaching humour is like dissecting a frog. You can do

it, but the thing dies in the process.

EB White

If Gervais and White are correct, why bother to even

try to write a book about educating people in the waysof humour? Maybe I am a tiger for punishmentbelieving I can do what others far more clever, talentedand more humourous than me, would not evenattempt?

However, such talents as these people for whomhumour is part of their genetic make-up, probably haveno idea what the rest of us, without their gift, need todo to find humour in our lives.


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Trying to increase ones humour quotient, is I believe,a little like people with a natural negative dispositionlooking to become more positive in their thinking.

People need to be shown different thought processes.I always think that humour is part of an optimisticoutlook, and if you learn to bring humour into your life,you will also bring optimism.

It is my view that you can look at any situation throughvarious windows and given some appreciation of this,you can choose which window from which to view a

situation or event. For example, if there is the squealof brakes outside your house, the pessimist might lookthrough the negative filter of why do these thingshappen outside my house! I bet they have taken outmy front fence and torn up my lawn. And I might haveto phone the ambulance and I have no idea of first aid woe is me!!!!!

The optimist will say I hope that no-one is hurt and aslong as people are safe there is no problem. I will seewhat I can do to help if required.

The humourist will examine the situation in much thesame way as the optimist and after rendering anyassistance, might examine the event for its humour

content. The rakish angle of the front fence, the policescreeching around the corner on two wheels, theoccupant of the car who hopped out and berated theambulance staff, are all possible humour angles. Thehumourist might dine out on this story for a long while.

However, the value and rewards of having a sense ofhumour are so great that it is worth persevering.


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CHAPTER 2

THE VALUE OF A SENSE OF HUMOUR(SOH)

A person without a sense of humour is like a wagon

without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.

Henry Ward Beecher

A person without a sense of humour has no sense at

all.

Anon

The day you do not laugh, is a day wasted.

Charlie Chaplin

Ive often said the most difficult things that I have to

say to people through humour; I can very quickly put

someone in their place with it. But we all walk away

unscathed because there have been some funnies

around it

Dawn French
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/h/henrywardb161732.htmlhttp://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/h/henrywardb161732.htmlhttp://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/h/henrywardb161732.html


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The value of a SOH in one word incalculable! Ithas been said that the thing that people remembermost about another person apart from their gender

is their sense of humour. This is surely a very goodreason to hone your personal sense of humour andgive people something to remember you by?

If you have ever perused the personal columns ofnewspapers you will note, that the most asked forquality that people want in a potential mate/partner is aGSOH. This means a good sense of humour. I must

admit that for years I wondered what this acronymstood for. Was it Great Stylish Old House? If so I didnot have one. Not of course that it mattered, becauselike you, I was only perusing the personal columnsbecause I had nothing better to do. I always hadsuitors queuing up at the door and had to knock themback with a stick!!!!

A person with a SOH makes us feel comfortable, andthe entertainment value of that humour can leave usfeeling relaxed and our personal problems retreat intothe background for the duration of our interaction.Humour is a great builder of relationships. If they couldbottle humour and sell it, fortunes would be made!

A persons SOH seems to indicate much about them.Thomas Carlyle once remarked that laughter is thecipher key whereby we decipher the whole man.

It was also once said that nothing reveals a personscharacter better than the joke that he takes in bad

part. Conversely, I would also add that it is veryrevealing as to what jokes people find funny. Humour

is indeed a window into the soul.

Humour also reflects and undermines the cultural andsocial order of a group, community or nation, and by


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so doing exposes its hypocrisies. It is the underbelly ofour society and I would guess that most politicians aremore afraid of the daily political cartoon in the local

paper, than they are of the editorial. Humour can dowhat a thousand words cannot. Against the tide oflaughter, nothing can withstand, Mark Twain onceobserved, and truly once people start laughing at asituation or person, the end is nigh.

For this reason humour is often not politically correct.What society deems correct is a value judgment not

shared by everyone and those who do not share thisview, will push against it with humour, not fettered bythe political correctness desired.

Humour can also be revolutionary. Each joke abouttyrants, even if they are told behind a hand or insecret, is a nail in the coffin of these people even ifthe end is still someway in the future. Sorevolutionaries of the world unite; put down your gunsand make us laugh at your adversaries. They will beoff into exile as soon as the laughter can do its work.

Those of my generation will recall the Profumo affair inthe UK, which involved call girls, state secrets andMinisters of State. When the Minister concerned hotly

denied allegations of affairs, one of the womeninvolved replied, well he would, wouldnt he? Howwas that for stating the bleeding obvious? From thenon the ministers bluster was punctured and it was adownward spiral, with the sound of peoples laughter

ringing in his ears all the way to his resignation.

Humour is also very useful in getting your point across

in any arena. Writing a letter of complaint to anewspaper, company or politician doing just that complaining no matter how justified your cause is


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often of limited value. Write the same letter usinghumour and I have found action is far more likely.People will find the criticism far more acceptable when

humour is used and the fact that you have made themlaugh is a plus.

Below is an example of a letter that I wrote to a localnewspaper regarding the lack of dog friendly places ata tourist town my husband and I (and dogs) oncestayed. Had I written the usual I wish to complain blah!blah! letter, I am sure that it would not have seen the

light of day. But by using humour I upped the antequite considerably and the letters editor even rang meto thank me for writing it. Hows that???

I even received a number of contacts from readers,agreeing with my opinion. Whether or not the localcouncil changed its by-laws I have no idea; probablynot. But at least I had my letter published and gotdiscussion on the issue started.

Recently, my kennel mate Bonnie and I decided to

take our people on a short vacation to (Name of town).

They deserved the break as it has been so hot in Perth

and taking care of us is a demanding job.

Bonnie and I are two very well bred, but small dogs of

the breed Rescue. From what I gather from

eavesdropping on our people, our father was called

Local Pound and our mother was Canine Refuge. We

are also very well-trained in the doggy art of Caf

sitting, in which we let our people sit outside a caf

and drink coffee while we are tied up to a table or

chair, usually sleeping but on the alert for any tit-bit

that might accidently drop on the floor. It is a verycommon occurrence where we live, and Bonnie and I

are experts at this canine activity.


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Our people told us that we would buy everything there,

as the businesses of (Town) deserved to have all the

income possible from our visit. This caused a bit of

concern as I was worried that my favourite brand ofLiver Treats might not be available, and Bonnie was

worried about her particular type of pigs ears.

We were also told that because there were national

parks all around, we would have to spend much time

on the lead. Well you cant have everything and for

some reason our people think national parks are not

for chasing wildlife around. Takes all sorts I guess.

We stayed at a grrrreat place owned by a red heeler

and his well-trained people. So imagine our shock,

when on going into town we found dogs were not very

welcome.

Firstly, we tried to find somewhere we dogs could run

free for exercise, and found that we had to go milesout of town to somewhere called Peaceful Bay. I do

not know what was peaceful about it, as all the way

out and back our people grumbled about having to go

all this way, just to exercise dogs.

Even worse, when we got back into town and wanted

to buy a coffee, we dogs were not allowed to sit

alfresco with our people. Apparently someone called

the Ranger goes barking mad if he finds dogs there.

Our people put us in the back of the car but within

sight, while they tried to have a coffee.

This is a bit ruff, ruff, I said to Bonnie. Not arf, arf,

she replied. So we did our bit where we stand up on

our hind legs and look pleadingly through the window,tongues hanging out and tails wagging mournfully.

That did the trick and they were back in the car without

even ordering a coffee.


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From then on, our people took a thermos every day.

I ask the good people of (name of town) to paws and

reflect on the damage done to the local tourist industry

by this short-sighted practice. We will not let ourpeople visit again, not that they do not like the area

and its people, but because it seems that dogs are not

welcome here.

All we ask is for somewhere to run free close to town,

and to be able to sit alfresco with our owners while

they dine. And then we would be happy to visit again.Woof Woof.

Bro and Bonnie

Years ago, a work colleague wrote the funniest letter Ihave ever read as a complaint to an airline, about a

recent flight he had taken. I wish I had asked for acopy at the time. With absolute hilarity he describedthe problems with his trip and did not even requestcompensation. The airline was so amused with hiscomplaint that they called him and offered him a free

flight to somewhere glamorous.

They told him that they had not had such a laugh foryears. Had he written the standard complaint letter, Ifelt sure that all he would have received was thestandard blah response and no free trip to a holidayresort.

Humour can even help get you what you want. Anacquaintance of mine found himself stuck in London

after a working holiday, without the fare home. So hesent the following message to just about everyone heknew.


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SUBSCRIBE TO THE BRING THOMPSON HOME

FUND

Jim Thompson (pseudonym) wishes to invite you to

subscribe to the biggest investment opportunity foryears. For the basic investment of just $50, you get to

bring Thompson home and also get to have a fully-

fledged travel bore, right in your own home.

People were amused and his fund was welloversubscribed. Had he asked people to lend him $50,

I do not think that the results would have been nearlyso productive.

Another friend, a freelance journalist, an industrywhich is notoriously tardy in paying contributors in atimely manner, sent out the following as a newspaperarticle, complete with picture, to a newspaper whichowed him money. The outstanding payment arrived

within 24 hours of the receipt of the missive. Whetheror not the humour he used was the reason for thisresult we can never know. However nothing else hadworked in over six months of lobbying for payment.

Freelance journalist James Athol (pseudonym) will be

forced to kill and eat his dog, due to lack of payment

for journalistic services from the (name of company),

publishers of (name of newspaper).

Mr Athol said it had been a hard decision, but

starvation had forced him into this desperate measure.

I have tried picketing their offices, abusive phone calls

and even stalking their accounts staff, he said, but

nothing works. So tomorrow I am going to put my dog

Sparky to sleep and this will give me enoughsustenance for a few days.


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He added that sadly, Sparky too had been in

starvation mode for a few weeks, waiting for the

payment to come through, so there was not a lot of

meat to be had from this quarter. However he hadaccess to some onions and carrots and this should

help bulk out the meals.

He also has a very tasty recipe for Sweet and Sour

Canine, which he is willing to give to any reader in

similar circumstances. Once Sparky has gone, I will

then have to move onto Sourpuss, my cat he said,

and then Tweeter the budgie.

However he and Sparky are hoping for a stay of

execution by the prompt arrival of the sum of $400 by

the close of business this week.

Humour reflects a society and culture more thanalmost anything else. It reflects the age, the norms, the

concerns of the time, often with startling accuracy. It isoften sad to see or hear a comedy or comic that onethought very funny years ago, only to find that humourhas moved on and left that genre behind.

Is some comedy timeless? I cannot imagine that DadsArmy, Yes Minister or Fawlty Towers will ever losetheir comic effect. But of late I have noticed that some

comedy that I had thought timeless, such as TheGoons and Monty Python, have felt more dated thanpreviously. Perhaps it is just familiarity with theseshows that makes for some jadedness, or perhapscomedy has taken from these wonderful shows andmoved on.

According to Rachael Cook in The New Statesman,you can tell a persons age by finding out what Britishcomedies that they find funny, although this is ageneralisation of course. The baby boomer generation


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will often live and die by The Goons and MontyPython. The generation after this, love such shows asthe Two Ronnies. The following generation might

prefer The Fast Show. Each group may equally findthe humour of the other groups, somewhatunfathomable. Generalisation or not, her comments docontain some truth.

So the $64,000 question is is any humour timeless? Ibelieve that some is. What do you think?

Tragedy is far more universal and what is tragicgenerally remains much the same over the centuries.Shakespeares tragedies have spoken to people sincethey were written, but his comedies (for me anyway)are period pieces, and I can find little of humour inthem at all. But I guess those same comedies hadthem rolling in the aisles or pit at the Globe Theatre inthe 15th century.

Many a clever child has developed humour as a wayto cope with bullies and a very neat way it is too. It issaid in the Bible that a soft answer turneth away

wrath. Very true, but a humourous response can notonly turn away anger, but can have the bully put inhis/her place by laughter from the observers. Sure

beats a punch up. (But if you are too clever you mighthave them pick on you, just for the witticisms!).

This child may well grow up to have developed thatwitty turn of phrase that we all wish we had. He or shesays at the point of need, what it takes you and medays to think up as a retort. We come away from aninstance we feel that we have not been treated with

respect, having the humourous retort occur to us hoursor days later. Too late!!!


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Ricky Gervais once said that he considered thathumour is an evolutionary survival mechanism

particularly those who are singled out in any way.

Remember your sense of humour and make yourselfbullet proof.

One example of having the right retort at the right time,comes from a newspaper report about Australias (at

the time of writing) first female prime Minister, JuliaGillard. Reportedly, Julia was on the campaign trailand was standing near a glamorous election poster of

herself. An elderly man came out of a nearby shop; helooked at Julia and back at the poster. Taken on agood day was it love? he sneered (obviously not a

supporter). Julia just looked at him with no emotion.And you would be Robert Redford would you mate?

she replied. Checkmate Julia and if only I had thatnatural quick-wittedness.

I once observed a similar put-down at a dinner partymany years ago. A man (a little the worse for wear dueto over-imbibing) was berating a woman about someissue of politics. It was not just a differing of views in acivilized debate, but a haranguing session where thewomens integrity was being assaulted.

She let him go on and finally narrowed her eyes andsaid Fred, can you prove to me that you do not know

what you are talking about? Fred stopped in histracks, trying to follow the familiar, yet unfamiliar,group of words and trying to fathom why they soundedjumbled and out of sync. By then the rest of the tablewere laughing, Fred was demolished and the

discussion moved on. Game, set and match to thewoman.


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Then there is the story about the great Americancomic Will Rogers, performing at the LondonPalladium during the First World War. By then the USA

had entered the fray. A woman stood up in theaudience during the performance, threw a whitefeather on to the stage and called out Why are you notserving in the army?

Rogers stood still and said nothing for several minutes,while the whole theatre turned to look the woman, leftout like a shag on a rock. After a while Rogers replied,

For the same reason you are not in the FolliesBergre madamphysical deformities. The audienceexploded and the bullying woman had hercomeuppance.

WARNING: Humour may be hazardous to your illness.

Ellie Katz

According to Dr. Dwenda Gjerdingen, a familyphysician and professor at the University of MinnesotaMedical School in Minneapolis, humour is good foryour health.

The positive emotions associated with laughter and

humour involves the dopamine system of the brain.The neurological pathways are different, though,

depending on whether ones laughter and smiling are

intentionally generated, or whether they are evoked by

humour. During laughter, various muscle groups are

activated, but the period after the laugh is

characterized by general muscle relaxation, which can

last up to 45 minutes. Greater relaxation is seen withtrue laughter, compared to simulated laughter.

She continues:


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In one review on humour in medicine, the most

promising results with the use of humour is patients

response to pain. In studies that evaluated patients

pain after their exposure to comedy videotapes, thevideos improved pain tolerance and reduced the need

for pain medications. Similarly, patients exposure to

humourous videos increased salivary IgA levels, a

measure of immune function. Humour may also have

positive effects on heart disease, diabetes, blood flow,

and depressive symptoms.

Study after study tells us that humour is good for ourphysical and mental health, our longevity and inhelping us with stressful situations.

Can you afford NOT to have humour in your life?

lol (laugh out loud) by alison white

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