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Linda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.netThe Neuroscience of ResilienceChanging Brains, Changing Lives

Aspen Strong Foundation, Aspen, COOctober 5-6, 2015Linda Graham, MFTMarriage and Family Therapist 25 yearsPsychodynamic, Attachment, Trauma, Mindfulness, Neuroscience

Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being

2013 Books for a Better life award2014 Better Books for a Better World award

linda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.netResourcesThe Whole-Brain Child Siegel and BrysonThe Mindful Child Susan Kaiser GreenlandRaising an Emotionally Intelligent Child John GottmanRaising Happiness Christine Carter

Mindful Schools www.mindfulschools.org CASEL www.casel.orgResourcesBrainstorm Dan SiegelMindful Discipline Shauna ShapiroBouncing Forward Michaela Haas

Inner Explorer www.innerexplorer.orgRoots of Empathy www.rootsofempathy.orgResourcesMomentuous InstituteMind UpCradle to CareerValley Settlement ProjectRewiring the Brain for ResilienceNeuroscienceMindfulnessEmpathySecure attachmentEmotional-social-relational intelligenceMindfulness and EmpathyTwo of the most powerful agents of brain change known to scienceMindful parentingMindful schoolsEmpathic parentingEmpathy in the schoolsParadigms of Growth and HealingNeuroscienceAttachment theoryDevelopmental PsychologyPositive PsychologyPost-traumatic growth researchInterpersonal NeurobiologyLEARNING WHAT WORKS

Modern NeuroscienceHow neural structures/circuits developHow brain processes information; communicates within itselfHow brain learns/installs patterns of copingHow brain rewires its memory patternsThe field of neuroscience is so new, we must be comfortableventuring not only into the unknown,but into error.- Richard Mendius, M.D.NeuroplasticityGreatest discovery of modern neuroscienceGrowing new neuronsStrengthening synaptic connectionsMyelinating pathways faster processingCreating and altering brain structure and circuitryOrganizing and re-organizing functions of brain structuresThe brain changes itself - lifelongThe brain is shaped by experience. And because we have a choice about what experiences we want to use to shape our brain, we have a responsibility to choose the experiences that will shape the brain toward the wise and the wholesome.- Richard J. Davidson, PhDMechanisms of Brain ChangeConditioningNew ConditioningRe-ConditioningDe-ConditioningConditioningExperience causes neurons to fireRepeated experiences, repeated neural firingsNeurons that fire together wire togetherStrengthen synaptic connectionsConnections stabilize into neural pathways

Without intervention, is what the brain does

Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and negativeAttachment StylesSecureInsecure-AvoidantInsecure-AnxiousDisorganizedAttachment Styles - SecureParenting is attuned, empathic, responsive, comforting, soothing, helpfulAttachment develops safety and trust, and inner secure baseStable and flexible focus and functioning Open to learning inner secure base provides buffer against stress, trauma, and psychopathologyInsecure-AvoidantParenting is indifferent, neglectful, or critical, rejectingAttachment is avoidant of people and emotions, withdrawn, compulsively self-reliantStable, but not flexibleFocus on self or world, not others or emotionsRigid, defensive, not open to learningNeural cementInsecure-AnxiousParenting is inconsistent, unpredictableAttachment is clingy, needy, compulsive caregivingFlexible, but not stableFocus on other, not on self-world, Less able to retain learningNeural swampDisorganizedParenting is frightening or abusive, or parent is checked out, not thereAttachment is paralysis, fright without solutionLack of focus Moments of dissociation Compartmentalization of traumaPre-Frontal CortexExecutive center of higher brainEvolved most recently makes us humanDevelopment kindled in relationshipsMatures the latest 25 years of ageEvolutionary masterpiece

CEO of resilienceFunctions of Pre-Frontal CortexRegulate body and nervous systemQuell fear response of amygdalaManage emotionsAttunement felt sense of feelingsEmpathy making sense of expereinceInsight and self-knowingResponse flexibilityPlanning, decision makingTrue Other to the True SelfThe roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of being held in the mind and heart of an empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other.- Diana Fosha, PhD

To see and be seen: that is the question, and that is the answer.- Ken Benau, PhDA basic ingredient in nurturing hope and resilience in our children is the presence of at least one adult who communicates to a child, through words and actions, I believe in your and I will stand by you.- Robert Brooks, Sam GoldsteinRaising Resilient ChildrenIn decades of research that looks at the factors that set resilienct children apart, such as intelligence, personality, and self-mastery, one factors stands out above all: the support of a loving adult. You just dont see examples of people who made it on their own.- Ann MastenOrdinary Magic: Resilience in Development Emotional-social-relationalIntelligenceExperience, manage, express all emotionsAttune, resonate with others emotionsEmpathy, compassion for self and otherTheory of mindTrust self, others, relationshipsUse pro-social emotions to shift brainOpen to learning and changeMechanisms of Brain ChangeConditioningNew ConditioningRe-ConditioningDe-ConditioningNew ConditioningChoose new experiencesFocused attention, compassionate listening, gratitude practice Create new thoughts, new experience of selfCreate new learning, new memoryEncode new wiringInstall new pattern of response, new habits, new ways of beingShift from Self-Critical Voice to Self-Compassionate VoiceLoving awareness of breathingLet a moment of discomfort arise; notice where you feel in the bodyNotice any critical self-talk; notice the words; notice the tone of voiceUse critical voice as cue to practice: May I be kind to myself in this moment; may I accept myself in this moment exactly as I am.Re-conditioningMemory de-consolidation re-consolidationLight up neural networksJuxtapose old negative with new positiveNeurons fall apart, rewireNew rewires oldRe-ConditioningResource with memory of someones compassion toward youEvoke compassion for your selfEvoke memory of someone being critical of you (or inner critic)Hold awareness of criticizing moment and compassionate moment in dual awarenessDrop the criticizing moment; rest in the compassionate moment.Modes of ProcessingFocused AttentionTasks and detailsDeliberate, guided changeNew conditioning and re-conditioningDe-focused AttentionDefault networkMental play space random changeDe-conditioningDe-ConditioningDefault networkDe-focusing, loosens grip of attentionCreates mental play space, free associationCan drop into worry, ruminationCan drop into plane of open possibilitiesBrain makes new links, associationsNew insights, aha!s new behaviors

De-ConditioningReverie, daydreamsImaginationGuided visualizationsGuided meditationsBrain plays, makes own associations and links, connect dots in new waysReflect on new insightsCompassionate FriendSit comfortably; hand on heart for loving awarenessImagine safe placeImagine warm, compassionate figure Compassionate FriendSit-walk-talk with compassionate friendDiscuss difficulties; listen for exactly what you need to hear from compassionate friendReceive object of remembrance from friendReflect-savor intuitive wisdomAutobiography in Five Short Chapters Portia NelsonII walk down the street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalkI fall in.I am lostI am helplessIt isnt my fault.It takes me forever to find a way out.

III walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I dont see it.I fall in again.I cant believe Im in the same placeBut, it isnt my fault.It still takes a long time to get out.

IIII walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.I still fall inits a habitMy eyes are open, I know where I am.It is my fault.I get out immediately.IVI walk down the same streetThere is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.VI walk down another street.-Portia NelsonLinda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.netThe Neuroscience of ResilienceChanging Brains, Changing Lives

Aspen Strong Foundation, Aspen, COOctober 5-6, 2015Paradigms of Growth and HealingNeuroscienceAttachment theoryDevelopmental PsychologyPositive PsychologyPost-traumatic growth researchInterpersonal NeurobiologyLEARNING WHAT WORKS

BoundinAffectionate BreathingSit comfortably; breathe slowly and gently.Incline your awareness toward your breathing with tenderness and curiosityLet the body breathe itself; notice the natural nourishing and soothing of the bodyFeel the whole body breatheAllow the body to be gently rocked by the breathSavor the stillness and peace in the body

Soles of the FeetStand up; feel soles of feet on the floorRock back and forth, rock side to sideMake little circles with your kneesLift each foot; place back downWalk slowly; notice changes in sensationsOffer gratitude to your feet that support your entire body, all day long Hand on the HeartTouch oxytocin safety and trustDeep breathing parasympatheticBreathing ease into heart centerBrakes on survival responsesCoherent heart rateBeing loved and cherishedOxytocin direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisolTheory of MindGiven whats happened, its perfectly understandable that you would feel the way you do.Self-CompassionMay I be kind to myself in this momentMay I accept this moment, exactly as it isMay I accept myself in this moment, exactly as I amMay I give myself all the compassion I needOne for Me; One for YouBreathing in, nourishing, nourishingBreathing out, soothing, soothingIn imagination, nourishing for me, nourishing for you, soothing for me, soothing for youOne for me, one for youPractice breathing one for me, one for you when in conversation with someone

Caregiving with EquanimityEveryone is on his or her own life journey.I am not the cause of this persons suffering,nor is it entirely within my power to make it go away,even if I wish I could.Moments like this are difficult to bear,Yet I may still try to help if I can.Kindness is more important than wisdom,And the recognition of that is the beginning of wisdom.- Theodore RubinDoing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we have tested.- Martin SeligmanIncreasing the social connections in our lives is probably the single easiest way to enhance our well-being.- Matthew Lieberman, UCLAReconditioningAnchor in present moment awarenessResource with acceptance and goodnessStart with small negative memoryLight up the networksEvoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirmsSimultaneous dual awareness (or toggle)Refresh and strengthen positiveLet go of negativeRest in, savor positiveReflect on shifts in perspectiveWished for OutcomeEvoke memory of what did happenImagine new behaviors, new players, new resolutionHold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshingNotice shift in perspective of experience, of selfCoherent NarrativeThis is what happened.This is what I did.This has been the cost.This is what I learned.This is what I would do differently going forward.Mastering the art of resilience does much more than restore you to who you once thought you were. Rather, you emerge from the experience transformed into a truer expression of who you were really meant to be. - Carol Orsborn