Been thinking for the past few days about what I would say to you if given the chance and decided maybe it was time to put it in a letter since its obvious you don’t want to discuss anything with me. You’ve made it very clear you no longer want to be with me, have anything to do with me or care about my well being. And as much as I’d like to honor your request that I “get out” I am unfortunately not in a position to do that. I looked into but as I have no actual income to support Marcus and myself let alone verify, nobody will rent to me. And as much as you’d prefer I just move in with my mother as you told me to do, I’m not going to do that and leave Marcus behind. I’m trying to stay completely out of your way and out of sight so you don’t have to be reminded that I’m there but it is difficult. So I’m sorry if my presence at “our” house is cramping your style or creating an issue for you and your “girlfriend”. If you recall you did say there was someone else in your life and that was just one of the many, many reasons you no longer wanted to be with me. So it’s pretty clear how you feel and what you want, but I want you to hear how I feel and have felt for some time. And since I don’t feel you’ll listen to me objectively in a conversation this is my only option. Even then I run the risk that you just won’t read it, but it’s fine. I’ll probably feel better regardless just getting it on paper and off my chest. Something you don’t know is over the last three years I’ve written you several letters that I’ve never given you. And all of them ask the same questions. Why don’t you talk to me? We have so many unresolved issues because we don’t communicate that I’ve wondered if we could ever be happy? Or as you put it, I’m the one with a problem who is never happy. And you’re right, I haven’t been really happy in a long time. Nobody wants to feel like they’re completely alone in a relationship. Nobody wants to feel ignored, unimportant, tossed aside and like they don’t exist. And whether you agree with that or not does not change the fact that, that is how I’ve felt. You’re supposed to be my best friend. The one person in the world that I can go to for anything and everything without the fear of judgment and/or rejection. We’re supposed to be a team and work together to tackle our issues; personal, marital, financial, medical, whatever comes our way. But that is not the case and never has been and it’s been more apparent to me over the last three years. I feel when I needed you most is when you started to turn your back on me. Maybe this is just my imagination but I’ve tried talking to you about it and have not felt I’ve gotten reassurances from you. You get angry with me, tell me if I feel that way then I should just leave and ask why I stay with someone who makes me feel that way. I’ve wondered that same thing many times. I stay with you because I love you and want to be with you and hope that you might someday hear me and work to make our marriage work. In the past you’ve claimed to love me, although you can’t tell me why. I’ve asked what is it that you love about me and you said “I don’t know”. That’s not a very reassuring answer, especially when I’m already doubting our relationship. I don’t feel like I know you anymore at all. You’re a stranger to me and you seem to be ok with that and you don’t seem to want to know anything about me either. Roommates are closer and have a better relationship than we do. I knew we were in serious trouble when a neighbor pointed out to me one day that I’m not even in the top five of most important things in your life. I believe the list was, Beer, Max, Phone, Corvette, Lawn then Harley and I was somewhere after that. You were

standing right there when he said it and just laughed. The saddest part is you probably don’t even remember when it happened. You’d been drinking most of the day and definitely had a pretty good buzz going.

I’m sorry I make you crazy and angry. I really don’t mean to. I just want to be heard and have my feelings acknowledged. And I think that for so many years we’ve never dealt with these things that I’m to the point where everything frustrates me. I told you already I have so many resentments towards things that you put before me and us. It hurts to feel like you don’t care. I know you’ve said you love me but sometimes actions speak louder than words. I’m not trying to attack you but your actions are not of someone who really loves his wife and is willing to do anything to fix your marriage. And I’m not saying this is all on you but at least I’m willing to try. You don’t ever seem to want to try, you just want everything to be good and it doesn’t work that way. And I’ve given you multiple opportunities to tell me what I do that frustrates you and you always say nothing, but then when you get pushed it all comes out and in a very hurtful way. I’d much rather hear what frustrates you when we’re not both angry and can talk it out and fix it. It’s not healthy for any relationship to not have any communication, discussions and disagreements. No relationship is perfect and ignoring problems just eventually makes the problem so much bigger than it originally was. I know I’m an emotional person who overthinks things and when I don’t get resolution I have trouble letting it go. I know this about myself. But I honestly don’t think I’m a bad person or a generally unhappy person who isn’t happy unless I’m arguing. And while I know I can be like my mother to say I’m exactly like her is just really mean and hurtful. I know I’m not perfect but neither are you. Nobody is, but I feel like you refuse to admit your faults and even try to work on them. It hurts that you’d rather walk away then take the time and energy to work things out. Did you ever really love me? I’m always wondering why you married me? My head is spinning with all the things I want to say and know, but wonder if it really matters at this point.