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LET GO TO HOLD

It is paradoxical but true that the ties that bind are the ties that loosen the bonds of

human relationship. It happens in so many relationships that we try our utmost to hold

to the object of our affections and succeed in losin it. It is most often seen in parents

!imprisonin" the children.

I #now of a youn lecturer who seldom oes to his parents. He says$ %I lo&e my

parents all riht but I am really afraid of &isitin them as they are &ery possessi&e and

treat me not as a bein but as a piece of their property.'

(nother common manifestation of it is seen in the o&er)possessi&e wife. *he becomes

a &irtual jailer and would not allow her husband to mo&e out alone e&en if his business

and prestie suffer.

This occurs in intimate friendships too. I #now of one such friendship where one friend

crippled the other"s independence of action by layin excessi&e claims on his time and

attention.

Its acutest form is seen in two people in lo&e. The in)securer of the two ets fits of

jealousy$ the purpose of which is to !imprison" the belo&ed one to retain a monopoly of

his+her affections.

In our desperate attempts to hold we rip too tihtly or pull the strins too tihtly$

thus damain the delicate relationship.

Ta#e the metaphor of a child tryin to hold a pet bird in his hand. If he #eeps his palm

open$ the bird stays. The moment he tries to close his finers$ the bird feels uneasy$

flutters and flies away.

This is the case with human relationships.The more we try to clutch too tightly,

the object of our love tries to move away from us as his sense of security and

independence are threatened.

In other words$ the object resents our imposition of emotional and mental sla&ery.No

one likes to be a pale and ineffectual copy of anothers will. In our desire to

hold another"s affection we tend to o&erloo# the lesson that the closest relationship is

sustained and nurtured by loose bonds.

( ,hinese pro&erb says$ %He who #nows how to bind uses no cords$ yet you cannot

undo.'

The head of one of the closest and happiest families I #now told me$ %I ne&er belie&edin holdin my children by tyin them too closely to me. I let them feel free.' %I ha&e

watched them ma#in mista#es #nowin a difficult experience was the best for them.

Had I protected them$ it would ha&e pained me all the more to see them blunderin in

adult life.'

How different from another situation where the son is neither allowed a free hand in

the money he earns nor in the time he has. His parents loo# upon him as a son

par excellence$ a model of filial duty obedience. -ut the son laments alon with his

wife$ %e ha&e no life of our own. e are mere extensions of father and mother.'

They do not ha&e the courae to o&erthrow the !imperialists" as years of emotional and

mental sla&ery ha&e drained of all independence from them.

The stroner we want our relationships to be the reater the necessity of allowin

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blan# spaces which can act as shoc# absorbers. e foret that mihty oa#s cannot

row in tiny flower pots.

Opening our palms reuires some mental readjustments. e ha&e to put aside

our rihts$ our inflated eo$ our easily hurt feelins. Life would become easier and free

from emotional stabs if we were not to expect much from others. Then$ when

somethin pleasant happens$ we are areeably surprised.

This attitude brins relief$ reassurance$ and serenity. -y loosenin our bonds$ we

ne&er lose a relationship. The loosenin allows more room enablin the !roots" to o

deeper. It strenthens our relationship.