lesson 6 – dating and mate selection robert wonser
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Lesson 6 – Dating and Mate Selection
Robert Wonser
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Dating
Dating as we know it developed in the 20th century. It is a practice in which people meet and participate in activities together in order to get to know each other.
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Filtering
When we see people we filter them as either being in or out of our pool of eligibles.
Filtering is the process of identifying those we interact with as either being in or out of our pool of people we might consider to be a date or mate.
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Forming Relationships, Selecting Mates
The process of selecting mates is largely determined by society
Two concepts (homogamy and propinquity) tell us a lot about how this process works.
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Forming Relationships, Selecting Mates
Homogamy means “like marries like,” and is demonstrated by the fact that we tend to choose mates who are similar to us in: class, race, ethnicity, age, religion,
education, and even levels of attractiveness.
Propinquity is the tendency to marry or have relationships with people in close geographic proximity.
Jerry Falls in Love with ‘Himself’
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What about the effect of new technologies?
Propinquity is logical; we are likely to find possible mates among the people in our neighborhood, at work, or at school.
The internet makes courtship and romance possible across much greater geographical areas, as we can now meet and converse with people in all parts of the world, so our pool of potential mates moves beyond local bounds.
But even this technology may intensify homogamy by bringing together people with very specific interests and identities.
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We Like Those Like Ourselves
The similarity principle states that the more similar two people perceive themselves to be, the more likely their relationship will continue and succeed.
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Signs of AttractionSigns of Attraction
increased pulse rate & blood pressureincreased pulse rate & blood pressurerapid breathingrapid breathingtensed muscles & better posturetensed muscles & better postureblushing/flushedblushing/flushedagitationagitationeyeseyesbody orientation and distance body orientation and distance
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Why do you date?Why do you date?
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What do you personally look for in a What do you personally look for in a date?date?
Specific characteristics (physical or Specific characteristics (physical or otherwise)otherwise)
Who influences this?Who influences this?
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Personal AdsPersonal Ads
If you were to write a personal If you were to write a personal ad, how would you describe ad, how would you describe yourself and what you have to yourself and what you have to offer?offer?
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Sexual Aggression and Dating Sexual Aggression and Dating ViolenceViolence
Verbal Sexual CoercionVerbal Sexual Coercion
-using verbal coercion to obtain sex-using verbal coercion to obtain sexDate RapeDate Rape
-forcing of involuntary sex-forcing of involuntary sexProgression of ViolenceProgression of Violence
-verbal aggression may progress to -verbal aggression may progress to physical aggressionphysical aggression
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Avoiding Date RapeAvoiding Date Rape
go to a public placego to a public placeshare expenses so you don’t owe himshare expenses so you don’t owe himavoid drugs and alcoholavoid drugs and alcoholdon’t leave drinks unattended don’t leave drinks unattended avoid ambiguous verbal and non verbal avoid ambiguous verbal and non verbal
behaviorbehaviorbe forceful and firmbe forceful and firmif things get out of hand, be loud, leave, get if things get out of hand, be loud, leave, get
helphelp
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Applying TheoryApplying Theory
Exchange TheoryExchange Theory AssumptionsAssumptions
We maximize rewards while minimizing We maximize rewards while minimizing costscosts
If rewards are greater we choose that mateIf rewards are greater we choose that mate If costs are greater we move onnIf costs are greater we move onn Costs and rewards are determined by the Costs and rewards are determined by the
actor, not the observeractor, not the observer ApplicationApplication
Abusive relationshipsAbusive relationships1414
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Applying TheoryApplying Theory
Stimulus-Value-Role TheoryStimulus-Value-Role TheoryAssumptionsAssumptions
The exchange is mutual and dependent upon the The exchange is mutual and dependent upon the subjective assets and liabilities each person subjective assets and liabilities each person brings to the relationshipbrings to the relationship
StimulusStimulusTrait that draws your attentionTrait that draws your attention
ValueValueWhat is desirableWhat is desirable
RoleRoleBeing a boyfriendBeing a boyfriend
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Applying TheoryApplying Theory
Stimulus-Value-Role TheoryStimulus-Value-Role TheoryApplicationApplication
You see someone in class and the stimulus You see someone in class and the stimulus is that you think he is cuteis that you think he is cute
Sit next to him and talk to him after classSit next to him and talk to him after classDrop a pencil to see if he picks it up for youDrop a pencil to see if he picks it up for you In talking you find he is a conservative just In talking you find he is a conservative just like you-valueslike you-values
After a while you start to date-roleAfter a while you start to date-role
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