leadership language chris westfall...consider the insights of murray willcocks. murray is a...

Leadership Language Chris Westfall

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LEADERSHIPLANGUAGE

CROSS-GENERATIONALSTRATEGIESforCHANGINGTHECONVERSATION

Copyright©2018byChrisWestfall

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CHAPTER9.TheUnbrandingofaLeader

“Sellyourknowledge,andpurchasebewilderment.”-Rumi

Theexecutivewasperplexed.

Thequestionwasasimpleone,andothersintheworkshophadanswered

truthfully.Butheranswerwasfilledwithrambling.Shewasofferingdetailsofthe

innerworkingsofherorganization,oddintricaciesofinternalproceduresthathad

nothingtodowiththequestion.Sheseemedtoberecitingdetailsandhopingto

findananswerwithinherlengthymonologue.Didshethinkthatsimplicitywould

flowfromcomplexity?

Perhapsyouknowsomeonewhojustkeepstalkingandtalking,believingthat

somehowananswerwillrevealitselfinthemidstofallthewords.

Thequestionwasn’taboutprocessortechnicaldetails.Thequestionwas:Whatare

yougoingtododifferentlyasaresultofourtimetogether?Hereloquentjourneywas

beginningtotestthepatienceofthemenandwomenintheroom.

Elizabeth’sStory

TheleadershipworkshoptookplaceoutsideofSeattle.Overlookingabeautiful

bay—oneofmanythatoutlinethatcity—thisgroupofbusinessleadershadcome

togethertotakeastraightforwardlookattheirbusinesses.

Iwasleadingtheworkshop,oneofthedozensIconducteachyearthroughVistage.

(Ifyou’renotfamiliarwiththisinternationalorganization,youmaywanttovisit

vistage.com.Withover20,000members,Vistageisdedicatedtohelpingbusiness


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leaders,entrepreneurs,andexecutivestocreatenewresultsacrossallareasof

business).

Formostfolksinthemeeting,thenextactionstepsshowedupquickly.The

responseswereclear,concise,andontopic,exceptforElizabeth.Ourlong-winded

leaderwasunravelingadensenarrative-overwroughtwithhistory,failedplans,

andrabbitholesthatlednowhere.

“I’vegottostopyourightthere.”Iwasconcernedaboutcuttingoffherresponse

whenIrealizedthatshewasbeingnon-responsive.Makingwordsisnotthesameas

makingsense.It’simportanttoletpeoplefinishtheirthoughts,butherswasatrain

ofthoughtthatnoonewantedtoride.

“Whatweaskedwas,‘Whatareyougoingtododifferently?’”Isaid.“Takethat

questionandthatquestionalone;whatareyougoingtododifferently?”

Theroomfellsilent.Emptinessfilledthespacewheremanyconfusingwordshad

beenjustmomentsbefore.AlleyeslockedonElizabeth.

Shetookamoment,asthequestionsunkin,andletoutasigh.Shelookeddownat

theconferencetable.Shelookedupatme,andthemomentoftruthhadarrived.

“Idon’tknow,”shesaid.


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Everyexecutiveinthatroomstoppedintheirtracks.Theystoppedwritingnotes.

Theystoppedlookingaroundtheroom.Wewereallarrestedbythefrankness—the

authenticity—inherstatement.

“That’sthemosthonestthingyoucouldpossiblysay,”Itoldher.“Thankyou,

Elizabeth.”

Asleaders,it’seasytofallintoananswer-trap.Whenquestionsshowup,wehaveto

havetheanswers.Orfindtheanswers.Becauseanswersarewhatmatter,right?

Beingtheexpertisyourjob,right?

Waitaminute.Let’stakealookatthatlanguage.

ExpertsandAnswers

Here’swhatI’vediscovered,andseeifthisistrueforyouaswell.Everybookever

writtenalwayscamefromtheexactsameplace:ablankpage.Didyoursalesteam

haveagreatmonthlastmonth?Congratulations!Here’syourreward:themonth

resetstozero,onthefirst.Whatareyougoingtodonow?

Thisbookdidn’tcomefromanswers;thisbookcamefrom...well,fromwhere

exactly?

Everychapterstartedwithablankpage.Fromanoutline,thesewordstookshape,

butifyouaskedme,“Whatareyougoingtowritenext?”thebestandmosthonest

answerisalways:Idon’tknow.

Ofcourse,whatisknownalwaysshapesourperspective.TheotherbooksIhave

writtenandpublished,themanuscriptsI’veedited,thearticlesinForbesand

Entrepreneur...Sure,that’spartoftheequation.Youcan’tdisavowyourknowledge


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oryourpast.Butatthesametime,makingnewdiscoveriesmeanslookingintothe

unknown.

We’veseenthatcreativityisthejoboftheleader.Creatingsomethingnewfor

yourself,andforyourclients,isyourgreatestservice.Wheredoesthatservicecome

from?

Theanswer,ifwe’rereallybeingfrankandhonestis:Idon’tknow.

Yourleadershipjourneyisn’tacookie-cuttercopyofwhatsomeoneelsehasdone

before.Iknowthatyoucanlearnfromothers,butultimately,whatyoudiscoverwill

beyourresults.Notacopy.Notanimitation.

IfMarkZuckerbergeatsbroccoliandwakesupat5:30am,thoseareinteresting

facts.Hishabitsmightbeofinterest,andtheymightbeuseful,butleadershipisnot

aboutcopyingsomeoneelse’ssuccess.Goodhabitscanhelp,don’tgetmewrong,but

we’vegottoaddsomethingelsetoyourleadershipequation.

Yourauthenticleadershipjourney,andyourimpact,startswithwhatyoudon’t

know.

Becausethereispowerintheunknown.Theprocessishavingthecouragetolookto

theunknown,realizingthisimportantfact:Idon’tknowistheplacewhere

discoverybegins.Andasthewordshitthepage,ortheproductshitthemarket,or

thesurveysbuildyournetpromoterscore,yourcreationcomestolife.

Haveyoueverhadashirtwithalabelonitthatirritatedthebackofyourneck?I

haveonethathasalabelontheleftseam,underneaththesleeve,withaspare

buttononit.Thatweirdlabelalwaysrubbedmyribcage,jabbingmeeverytimeI

movedmyleftarm.Thatlabelhadtogo.Thatlabelwasn’thelpinganybody.


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Alabelgoeswithleadership.Ifyouseeit,recognizethatyoudon’tneedit:

Knowledgeispower.That’sfalse!

Leadershiplanguagesaysthatlackofknowledgeiswherethejourneybegins.Ifyou

thinka“beingknowledgeable”labelishelpingyou,thinkagain.(Maybeit’shelping

youtobemorearrogant?Moreinsufferableinmeetings?Hmm...)

“Idon’tknow”isn’tanadmissionofweakness;it’saconfessionofunderstanding.

“Idon’tknow”isn’tanadmissionofweakness.It’saconfessionofunderstanding.

It’sahighconceptthatwecanallagreeon:everybusinessplaneverwrittenalways

startedatthesameplace–ablankpage.

Ornapkin,asthecasemaybe.

Fromourlimitationswelookintotheunknowntofindwhat’smissing.Theleader

beginsthejourneyinspiteofnotknowing.Whatothersseeaslimitations,theleader

acceptsascharacteristics.

Themountainisneithergoodnorbad.It’sjustamountain.

Theleaderknowsenoughtorealizethatshedoesn’tknowwith100%certainty

what’sontheothersideofthatmountain.Andshe’swillingtotakethejourney.

Becauseleadersrealizethatuncertaintyanddiscomfortdon’thavetogotogether.

Uncertaintyisafactoflife.Howyoudealwiththatuncertaintyispartofwhat

definesyouasaleader.

Whileinformationisallaroundus(justGoogleit),whatwearegoingtocreate

togetherisalwaysinthecategoryof“what’snew”.


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Knowledgeisn’tpower,unlessyouuseyourknowledgetoseehowthingsreally

work.Thatknowledgeleadstowisdom.

Knowledgeremindsyouthatatomatoisafruit.Wisdomremindsyounottoputa

tomatoinafruitsalad.

SydBankssaidthat“Findingwisdomhasnothingtodowithtime.”Knowledgeis

everywhere;wisdomiswhat’sinsideofyou.

ConsidertheinsightsofMurrayWillcocks.Murrayisamodern-dayAquaman.

AnextremesurferfromCapeTown,SouthAfrica,hehaslivedhisentirelifenearthe

ocean.Murraypracticallygrewuponsurfboardsandsailboats.In2017,hissenior

yearattheUniversityofCapeTown,thisengineeringstudentandagroupoffour

friendssailedintheCapetoRioyachtrace–atransatlanticvoyageofendurance,

survivalandteamwork,.Heldeverythreeyears,theracetakesanywherefrom14-

28days.Crewsfromaroundtheglobefaceoffagainstdangerousconditions,and

oneanother,inabattleagainsttheelements.

AboardtheScatterling,a37-footsailboatthatfeaturednoshower,notoilets,anda

tinytoystovethatlookedlikesomethingmydaughtergotonhersixthbirthday,

Murray’ssetoffonanimpossiblejourney.

Ontheirtrekacrossthesea,Willcocks’andhisteamoffourhadtosleepina

rotation.Thereweren’tanybedsontheship–justthreehammocks(Murray

describedthemas“slings”)forfourmenandonewoman.Thefirstweek,Willcocks

saidhewasneverdry.Canyouimaginetheconditions?

Intheseextremecircumstances,wherethelinebetweenlifeanddeathbecomes

verythin,Iwondered:howdidMurrayfindhisway?I’mnottalkingaboutusinga

GPS–I’mtalkingaboutknowingwhethertoturnrightorturnleftinthemidstofa

storm.Howtorighttheshipwhennatureitselfisfightingagainstyou,andthe

poweroftheseacanmakeyourtrainingandexperienceuseless?Howdoyoutake


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thenextstepinthemiddleofasleep-deprivedpitch-darknight,wherethewrong

choicecanmeancertaindisaster?

“Whenyou’reoutinthemiddleoftheAtlanticOcean,”Willcocksexplained,“there’s

alwaysthefearthatcomesintoplay.Forme,whattookoverwasmygutfeeling:my

practiceandtheexperiencesIhadhadbefore.Myabilitytotrustmyself–andmy

abilitytotrustthepeoplearoundme.Becausethepeopleonthisjourneywithme,I

knewtheywereasscaredasIwas.”

Itseemedtomethattherewasmoretothestory.

Whenyou’reinthethickofit,there’sthatmomentwherethepast,thetraining,the

techniques,thefifteenhourdaysandallthethingsthatarepartofthejourney,they

alldropawaybecauseyou’vegottokeeptheboatfromtippingover.That’swhatI

wantedtodiscover.BecauseWillcocksmightknowsomethingthatcouldhelpyou

andmetoovercometheimpossible,whenitshowsupinourlives.Evenifwe’renot

tryingtosurviveinasailboat,withoutabathroom,700milesoffthecoastofAfrica.

So,Murray,whenthat“momentoftruth”showedup–anditdidmorethanonceon

thisjourney-whatwereyouthinkingabout?

• Thepast?

• Thetraining?

• Thetrustyouhadinyourteammates?

• Wheredidyouputyourattention,inthatexactmoment?

“Inthatmoment,”Willcockssaid,“IfoundmyselfdirectlywhereIwas.

“Iwasinthatmoment.WhatIwasthinkingaboutwas…nothing.”

Willcockswentontoexplainthathewasn’tworriedaboutwhathewasgoingtodo

next.Themomentwasenough,andheexplainedsomethingthatmightbehardto

believe.


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Hewastryingtoenjoythemomentatthesametime.

Thinkofthewaves,thefear,thetumultandthestorm–andinthemiddleofnear

disaster,Aquamanwassmiling.Why?

Murraypointedtothenaturalbeautyofthesea.Thatpowerthatwasallaround

him.Thepowerofnaturewasdemonstratingitsstrength.Dangerous,yes,butthat

washisjourney.

Leadership Quotient # 9:

The leader accepts things as they are on the journey.

Acceptance is the first step to creating things that could be.

Hewasn’tfightingthewaythingswere.Becausehecouldn’taffordtotakehis

attentionoffofthewaythingsare.

Haveyoueverexperiencedamomentlikethat?Wherethenaturalbeautyaround

youforcesyoutostop?Youstopthenoisethat’srattlingaroundinyourhead,and

you’rejustthere?Maybeit’sabeautifulsnowfallinVermont.Oramountainsideon

Kauai.Thatcalminthemiddleofthestorm,whereyouovercomethefearwitha

simpleandprofoundclarity?

Someofussailacrossthesea,ordisappeartoHawai’I,VermontorMorroBay,to

findthatresetbutton.Thatclaritythatnaturecanprovidetous.

Whathappenswhenyouarriveatthatplace,markedbyprofoundnaturalbeauty

thatcan’tbeignored?

That’swhenwhoyouarebecomeswhenyouare.

Inotherwords:rightnow.You’rerighthere,rightnow.


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Doyouknowwhereyourexperienceiscomingfrom?Isitthepalmtrees,thepeople,

thestorm?Orisitcomingfrominsideofyou?

Youalreadyknowtheanswer.Themountainisjustamountain.Thepowerof

natureisalwayshere,rightoutsideyourwindow,evenintheplantthat’sgrowingin

apotonyourdesk.Canyouseeit?Canyousensethatleadershipisinsideofyou,

rightnow?

Inmyexperience,whenwerecognizewhat’sallaroundus,weinstantlyaccessthe

placeofaleader’sgreateststrength.Greatestcreativity.Greatestdiscovery.

Youdon’thavetosailthesevenseastofindoutwhenyouare.You’realwaysright

here,rightnow.Andwhenyourthinkingsettlesdown,you’llseeit.Youfindthe

resetbutton.Doesn’tmatterifyou’reonthebeach,oronadeadline.You’llseeit.

Considersomeoftheextremecircumstancesyouhavefacedinyourlife.Momentsin

themidstofchaoswhereyoufoundclarity.Guesswhat?Thatclarityisnevermore

thanonethoughtaway.

Youcanaccessitatanytime.AndMurrayWillcocksshowedmehow.

NotonlydoesWillcockssail,healsolovestosurf.WhenAquamanlooksforawave,

notjustanywavewilldo.He’sanextremesurfer,fearlesslysearchingforwavesthat

arehigherthan15feet,forhisnextride.

Iwondered,atthetopofawave,howdoyouknowhowtotakethenextstep-

whethertoturnleftorturnright,andbasically,notdie?

Couldtherebeanidealflowstate,assuggestedinStealingFire,thatWillcocks

accessed?Howdidhefindit?And,coulditbeduplicatedbyfolkslikeyouandme?


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Theforceofa25-footwave,ifyouaretrappedunderneathit,cancrushsomeonein

aninstant.AccordingtoTheSurfChannel,evena10-foothighwavecanweighover

400tons.

Surprisingly,inmyinterview,Willcockspointedtimeandtimeagaintointuition

overtechnique.Whenaskedwhathewasthinkingattimesofextremedecision-

making(attheeyeofthestorm,orthecenterofawave)theanswerwas

consistent:nothing.

Coulditbethatthe“flowstate”isn’tfoundusingatechnique,strategyortip–butit

actuallyexistsbyabandoningthatthinkingentirely?

Ifyouaretryingtorememberatechniqueatamomentoftruth,you’relookingin

thewrongdirection,accordingtoWillcock’sself-reportedexperience.Youcan’t

thinkyourwayoutofamonsterwave,youhavetoexperienceit.

“Whenyouseethewavecoming,youknowwhetheryou’regoingtogorightorleft,”

Murrayexplained,pointingtowardshisintention.“Onceyoudecidetogoforthe

wave,youhavetofullycommit.Youarepaddlingashardasyoucan.”

Iwonder:haveyoufullycommittedtoyourwave?Howaboutyourteamandyour

clients?

Whathappensifyou’renotfullycommittedtothewave?

Leadershiplanguageisaconversationaboutcommitment–acommitmenttothe

presentmoment.Andatrustthatthenextstepwilltakecareofitself.

Onestepatatime,everythingfallsaway.ForWillcocks,atthetopofthewave,the

onlystephecouldtakewasthefirstone.

“Everythinggoesquiet.Youdon’tevenheartheocean.It’sacrazyexperience.But

youdon’thavetobeonthetopofa15-footwavetohavethatexperience.Whenyou


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findsomethingthatyoutrulylove,andyoudowhatyoutrulylove,anyonecanbein

themomentandconnecttowhatyou’rereallydoing,”Murraysays.

Herearesomestrategiestohelpyouconnectwithwhat’sreallygoingon,sothat

youcancatchthenextwave:

• TakeOnlytheFirstStep:Idon’tknowaboutyou,butI’mprettygoodat

planning.Iseethestepsinaprocessfairlyeasily,andI’mabletosharethose

stepswhilehelpingotherstostayonthejourney.Buteveryjourneyalways

startsatthesameplace:thefirststep.WhatMurraysaw,andwhatwehave

toacknowledge,isthatthefirststepisreallytheonlyonethatmatters.

Planningisimportant,don’tgetmewrong.AndyouknowthatWillcockswas

wearingawetsuit,hisboardwasintopcondition,andhehadscoutedoutthe

locationsofthetopwavesforhisjourney.Planningwasdefinitelyapartof

thestory.Butleadershipisaboutworkingtheplan,onceyouhaveitinplace.

Makingthingshappenrequiresthatyouaren’tlookinginthewrongplaceat

thewrongtime.Trustingyourabilitytotakethefirststep,andgoingforward

onestepatatime,willkeepyouinthemoment.It’scounter-intutivefora

plannerlikeme,buthere’sthefact:I’matmybestwhenIplanlessanddo

more.Howaboutyou?

• Planning,toFail?:Atthetopofawave,Willcockswasn’tthinkingabout

whathewasgoingtodoinfiveminutes.Thefirststepwasenough,andhe

trustedhimselfthatthenextstepwouldrevealitself.Butwhen?Whenwould

thenextsteprevealitself?Whenitbecomesthefirststep,ofcourse.Leaders

seethebigpicture–theyseethewavetheywanttoride–butthey

understandthatthismomentisallwereallyhave.Afterall:ifstepnumber

sixiswell-plannedout,butyoudon’tgetthefirststepright,whatdifference

doesitmake?Focusonwhatmattersmost:themomentrightinfrontofyou.

Askyourselfthesequestions:


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• Whatareweassumingaboutourplanningprocessthat’stakingusaway

fromthefirststep?

• Whencanwetrusttheplanenoughtotakeaction?

• Areyouokwiththefactthattheplanmaybefilledwithmiscalculation

anduncertainty?Areyouokwiththefactthatastormmaybreakout

whenyouleastexpectit?

• What’sthe“wave”wewanttocatch?Whatisit,inourdialogueand

actions,thatdoesn’thaveanythingtodowiththewave?

• Whatwillhappenifwefocusourattentionandresourcesonthefirst

step?Canyoutrustyourself,andyourteam,toknowthatyouwillbeable

totacklethatnextstep…whenitbecomesthefirststep?

• WhatwouldhappentoMurrayWillcocksifheweretryingtoloada

seven-stepprocess,or19-stepplan,atthetopofthewave?

• DoyouhavetogotoSouthAfricatounderstandthatintentionand

stayinginthemomentisbestwaytoconnectwithyourresults?Ihope

not!

Theunbrandingconversationisaboutremovingthelabelsandobligationsthat

don’tserveyou.

I’mnotsayingyoushouldcancelyourplanningmeeting,orthatyourprojectionsfor

nextyeardon’tmatter.Don’tleaveyoursurfboardontheshore,ifyouwanttocatch

awave.

Butholdonlooselytostepnumbersix,elevenandtwenty-two.

Theonlypersonthatcanremovethelabelsthatareholdingyoubackisyou.Those

labels,thoseassumptions,arewhatwillrobyouofthepresentmoment.Labelstake

awaythepowerofthepresent–andthat’sreallyallyou’vegot,whenyougetright

downtoit.


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Youdon’thavetobe“branded”asaplanner,oranengineer,anexecutive,oran

inventor.

Inthemoment,youhavetheresourcesyouneed.Leadersknowthatyoucanride

thewave.

Takingthatriderequiresthefreedomtodoso.Thatfreedomcomeswhenyou

disengagefromthebrandingthatdoesn’tserveyou–thebrandingthat’sbeen

createdfromyourpast,yourcircumstances,yourownselfimage.

WherewasMurrayWillcocks’self-imagewhenheclimbedaboardthat15-foot,600-

tonkillerwave?

Answer:WHOCARES?

Hewasn’twonderingifhehadfulfilledhispotential,orifhehadenoughlikeson

Pinterest,orifhelookedcoolinhiswetsuit.

Whenhewastryingtokeeptheoceanfromcrackingopenhisskull,hewas

unbranded.Unencumbered.Unrestricted.

Fromthatplace,Willcockswasabletotakeanincredibleride.Thatsamerideis

availabletoyou,rightnow.Andyoudon’thavetoputonawetsuittofindit.

Yourabilitytoinfluenceothers,andyourimmediateimpact,requiresyoutoletgoof

thebranding.Letgoofthelogos,thepromotion,thepushforvisibility.

Youdon’tneedbrandingatthetopofthewave.Youneedtotaketheride.

Solvetherealproblemthat’srightinfrontofyou.Trustthatyoucantakethefirst

step.


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Trustthosearoundyou.Trustthatwhenthenextstepshowsup,you’lltakethatone

aswell.Andyou’lldoitwithgreaterfocus,clarityandeffectivenesswhenyouseize

themoment.Nottomorrow’smoment.Notthemomentthat’scomingnextweek.

Thismoment.Right.Here.Right.Now.

Atthetopofthewave,sharewhatyouseewiththeclientsyoucareabout.Share

yourvision–yourmoment–andaskotherstogetengaged.

Nobrandingrequired.

Takeaways&ActionSteps

[GRAPHICHERE]

• Oneofthemostpowerfulphrasesinyourvocabulary:“Idon’tknow”.• Innovationdoesn’tcomefromwhatyoualreadyknow.• Beinginthemomentistheplaceofpeakperformance.• Wheredoesyourcreativityandwisdomcomefrom?Whataboutforyour

team?Noticethatknowledgeisnotthesameaswisdom.

TolearnmoreaboutMurrayWillcocks,andseemyentireinterview,checkoutthislink:http://bit.ly/CapeToRio

leadership language chris westfall...consider the insights of murray willcocks. murray is a...

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