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8/18/2019 LachenmetKE ARTHUR1tst Def

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Laughing with ancer

Arthur van Amerongen, writer and columnist of the Volkskrant (Dutch daily newspaper) isobsessed with cancer. His father, mother and brother died from cancer, three-fourths of his friendshave died from cancer and recently his good friend Albert de Lange has been told his cancer isrefractory (he has been given up by the doctors).De Lange describes the end his life in details in his column Deadline for Het Parool (a nationaldaily newspaper).

Rob Muntz, together with his friend Arthur, has come to say goodbye to their friend Albert.Meanwhile, Arthur van Amerongen has a lump in his neck and confessed to Rob he is afraid to dieof cancer, like all the others.

Rob Muntz hardly recognizes Arthur: the once ferocious and wild writer does not smoke or drink anymore, he has completely stopped using drugs and he swears by his juicer and his anti cancerdiet of beetroot and carrot juice. He lives a secluded life in the wilderness of the Algarve, together

with his three dogs.

Rob Muntz decides to visit Arthur in the Algarve, together with program maker Willem Davids whohas just been cured of prostate cancer. Muntz falls from one to the other surprise in this black anddark documentary about cancer.(This radio documentary is also a parody on the TV ego document 'Retour Heaven' by Mark Bos, a

Dutch television maker with prostate cancer).

Albert de Lange passed away om April the 24th, 2015, two days before the broadcasting of thisdocumentary. He was 57 years old. This documentary is dedicated to him.


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‘Laughing with Cancer’ Transcript

SFX - traffic, barking dogs

ARTHUR (mumbling)

ROB: You have to articulate more, Van Amerongen

ARTHUR yeah yeah

ROB: No, seriously

ARTHUR I am completely clean now, for 13 months. But when I have one glass of whisky…The relapse, you know

ROB How come?

ARTHUR Well, I got a a drugs and alcohol career of 40 years. I don’t get rid of that monkey on

my back in one year.

ROB Aha. We are now at the front door of Alberts house. Who is Albert exactly?

ARTHUR A great journalist, former deputy editor of Het Parool. I have always been a fan of him. And he of me

ROB Okay. So now we will visit him on his death bed.

SFX – doorbell steps on stair / Music

ALBERT Four and half months ago the doctor told me there is nothing left to do.

SFX - dogs barking

ARTHUR If I say cancer, they start barking. Unbelievable!

ROB: Yes, sure

ARTHUR : Say cancer!

SFX Barking dog

ARTHUR Good dog! Search the cancer. Fetch it. Give it to me. Let go! Let go the cancer!

Start music / SFX - juicer

ROB: You really fling whatever you want into that thing.

ARTHUR : It’s all part of the fight against cancer. Oooooh!

SFX - juicer


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VOICE OVER Program maker Rob Muntz is friends with journalist Albert de Lange and Volkskrant columnist Arthur van Amerongen. Albert de Lange has cancer and is no longer treatable. Arthur van Amerongen has an obsession with cancer.

ROB What are you doing?

ARTHUR Well I'm going to make you a nice fresh carrot juice.

VOICE OVER Rob Muntz visited him in the Algarve, where the writer leads a secluded life with his three dogs.

ROB You use a lot of carrots?

ARTHUR They work great against cancer.

ROB You do this every morning?

ARTHUR Yes. Look at me! You see the result?

ROB Yeap

ARTHUR So, you think I have cancer. Or not?

ROB How do I know?

ARTHUR Well, but have a look at that lump in my neck

ROB Yes.

ARTHUR We need to talk about it, but ...

ROB But for the rest everything is ok with you?

ARTHUR Why you won’t believe nature is your best friend?

ROB But you don’t peel the carrots. You put them with the sand and all kinds of dirt in your juicer.

ARTHUR Come on man, that’s biological and organical.

ROB The sand and mud?

ARTHUR Have a look. In the mean time I will put the music louder

ROB No please, not louder! Lower it!

SFX _muziek

ROB But why you put the music louder?

ARTHUR (goes on undisturbed with the juicer) And I do like this!

SFX – juicer

ROB You flinge anything in that thing?


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ARTHUR It’s my big crusade against cancer! I follow the teachings of Doctor Moerman, thefamous cancer guru from Vlaardingen (small city in Holland).

When you were young, your mother gave you coca cola. And pommes frites, Isuppose.

A lot of pommes frites.That’s why you are so fat. My mother fed me organic carrot and beet juice.

ROB You also throw the oranges with their skin in the juicer?

ARTHUR No, the oranges I will squeeze

ROB Squeeze?

ARTHUR Yeap

ALBERT Four and a half month ago they told me there was nothing left to do.

ROB Okay. How long you still have to live, technically, when the doctor tells you that badnews?

ALBERT A few weeks, maximum a few months.

ROB Okay

ALBERT They can’t be very precise

ROB No

ALBERT They can’t

ROB Nope.

ALBERT I understand them very well, that they can’t predict

ROB So you stopped the treatment

ALBERT Yes.

ROB And so your tumors keep spreading

ALBERT Not that I follow them, but I suppose so

ROB Yes

ALBERT Yes

ROB That must be a scary thought

ALBERT Yeap, people ask me that all the time. Kind of scary thought, that cancer snakeinside you, that eats your bowels. Uuuh, they are micro organisms, in your belly.

And they spread. But you don’t feel it. Not at all

ROB No?

ALBERT You don’t feel it


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ROB You still go to the doctor for a check up?

ALBERT No, that's useless.

ROB No?

ALBERT No What should I know? What’s the purpose of it?

ROB But you have no pain?

ALBERT Nope. No pain. Nothing.

ROB Nothing?

ALBERT Nope

ROB But that’s great!

ALBERT Yeah, it’s great. Of cause.

ROB But when the pain and misery starts...?

ALBERT I will make quick decisions

ROB Yes

ALBERT Yes

ROB You have arranged everything, I suppose

ALBERT Arranged yes. But it not’s ready at this very moment.

ROB Yes

ALBERT Yes

Music starts / SFX Children in the background

ROB Where are we going, Arthur?

ARTHUR It’s the last day of Carnaval. The day before Ash Wednesday. That is catholic stuff,Rob. You are a catholic, right? Roberto Ignatius Muntz?

ROB: So we have a big carnaval party in your village?

ARTHUR Yes. Eh, no. Not me. I don’t drink. That’s about it. I will show you the carnaval.Nothing more.

ROB But for years you were the party animal here during Carnaval. The great animator!

ARTHUR I have even been Prince Carnaval here, 2 years ago.

ROB They know you?

ARTHUR Eh, look at that nice nurse! Wow, the parade is coming.. Isn’t this good clean fun forthe whole family?


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ROB Ehh, fun ..?

FADE OUT Carnaval sound / Music start

ROB What is that?

ARTHUR A pear

ROB Yuk! How old is that pear?

ARTHUR From yesterday!

ROB Yesterday?

ARTHUR You are scared of anything!

You are even scared of death!

ROB I am scared of dirt

ARTHUR (laughs)

ROB You flinge the pear together with it’s stalk and stem in the blender?

ARTHUR It's a juicer!

ROB Why with the stalk of the pear?

ROB/ ARTHUR (language confusion)

ARTHUR Look! I even throw in some nuts. Look at al that juice! Juice is your friend. The pearis your friend

ROB Where have the stalks gone?

ARTHUR Here! The juicer spits them out. In this thing. Oh, how delicious! You think I have cancer?Impossible, no?

ROB No, not yet at least.

ARTHUR How delicious! I put in some fresh ginger as well. Here, have a glass. You like fresh

ROB Ho ho ho! Yeah, nice, ginger. With it’s peel?

ARTHUR Taste how lovely it is! At home you will never get this. Yeah, maybe cheap Lidl juice. You feel the tumors leaving the body, already?

ROB It’s a tiny bit gingerish

ARTHUR A bit gingerish? Man, I threw in an enormous ginger root!

ROB: But why the ginger?


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ARTHUR The ginger really works against cancer.Carrots don’t. Carrots I only use for their nice colour.

ROB (Laughing)

ARTHUR You think I am fooling you, right?

ROB: Pretty much so (takes a sip of his drink) And you finish that whole five liters of juice?

ARTHUR Yes, it’s great for your defecation and laxation

ROB Good for laxation. And against bowel cancer

Music ..cross

ROB In one of your columns… I quote:

“My fight with the Grim Reaper is getting more ferocious. Pains in the stomach, burning in my food pipe, burning like hell. Lately I thought I felt my prostate.

And it even hasn’t been milked!”

ROB So, what you want to do against this?

ARTHUR I am not stupid.I have something with cancer.My llittle brother died of cancer when I was 12.

Youth cancer, they called in the early Seventies.

ROB But what kind of cancer is it?

ARTHUR Cancer for kids!My parents went to doctor Voûte in Amsterdam. The famous Emma Children’sHospital.I have been there too many times (as a visitor). Doctor Voute was the Johan Cruijff of children’s oncology.

A kind of medical popstar of.The Cancer Man, I called him.

ROB How long ago?

ARTHUR 1974 I think. 1973. Around the final of the World Championship in Munich, which we lost so painfully. Yes, around the final Germany - The Netherlands.

SFX Dogs barks

ARTHUR Quiet now! Anyway, I grew up with cancer.

My father, a scientist, died of cancer. My mother died of cancer.My whole family...The good news is: nobody died of a heartattack!


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So I went a few times a week to the children’s hospital. All those emaciated kids.Like Auschwitz. Beds with metal bars.My brother got blind. Huge tumours all over his little body.Doctor Voute gave him two more months.So my parents went to Doctor Moerman, the homeopathic cancer fighter.

With grains, beet and carrot juice.

My father had 3 passions: the weather, the Holocaust and cancer. A normal father would bring his son to football on Sunday.My father, the scientist, showed me pictures of cancer cells.He would say: look how beautiful they are. Amazing!He was obsessed with cancer. And he died of cancer.In the stomach, it went all very quick. A year after my mother.My mother was completely emaciated.Breast cancer.

SFX Passing cars. Dogs barking.

ROB I am in the bar where Arthur used to go a lot.

BAR OWNER Hello

ROB The bar is completely deserted. Nobody! You know Arthur very well?

BAR OWNER Yes, I know him for the last three, for years.He disappeared last year. Disappeared complety from the scene.

ROB You know why?

BAR OWNER He stopped drink and I think that good thing for him.

ROB But your bar is empty now and you have no more clients.

BAR OWNER That’s not important.They have their friends.

ROB Okay

BAR OWNER My economy goes down, but ... (Laughs) What to do?I need to find other alcoholics now, to replace Arthur.But it’s very dificult to replace him, because a good client, who drinks a lot,and is intelligent, is very difficult to find again

SFX Car stops

ROB Wouter, how long you have known Arthur?

WOUTER 2 years, since his birthday party here. You were there too, Rob.

ROB Arthur says he stopped drinking and smoking, for one year now. You haven’t seenhim for one year, right?


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WOUTER He looks much better now

ROB What was Arthur’s reputation here? What’s the difference when he drinks and whenhe doesn’t drink? If he doesnt drink, you don’t see him around anymore.

WOUTER (laughing): He is very tame now. It’s better for him. It’s not good when he is aroundus (the expats).

He doesn’t know when to stop (drinking)

ROB You also have cancer, right?

WOUTER A bit of skin cancer.Nothing serious

ROB A bit of skin cancer?

WOUTER Nothing agressive, they took it out.

ROB Are you afraid of cancer?

WOUTER Not at the moment. Maybe when I have it. I am not thinking of it right now.

ROB No

WOUTER Anyway, cancer always ends bad.

( p.s. Wouter died of cancer in February 2016)

MUSIC starts / SFX - urinating

ARTHUR Ehhh Some air through my prostate. That’s so nice ooh yeah ...Last drops… Wow, that is a full glass

MUSIC starts / SFX - pouring (urine)

ROB How nice! Apple juice!!

ARTHUR No, that’s my morning piss, Rob.I just tapped it

ROB Eh (choking)

ARTHUR A German therapy against cancer. Works well!I do it for years.

ROB What is so good about urine?

ARTHUR It purifies the cancer cells

MUSIC starts

ROB Were are we standing now, Arthur?

ARTHUR . On the Mount of Figs. The Monte Figo. My biotope. Here I write all my columns.


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ROB From here we see most of the Algarve?

ARTHUR Yes, it’s very clear weather now.There you see Albufeira, the ‘‘Benidorm’ of the Alvarve. That city is Olhão.

ROB And where exactly you swim in the sea?

ARTHUR Eh … there, in front of Fuseta.

ROB And you swim everyday from one village to the other. 5 kilometers, right?

ARTHUR : Correct. I am training to cross the Channel (from Holland to England). Swimming

ROB Against cancer?

ARTHUR Swimming against cancer, yes. So you can support me...

ROB Crowdfunding?

ARTHUR Crowdfunding against cancer

ROB Interesting project. You have more (legal) details?

ARTHUR Cancer is a nice project, you can make a lot of money with it. Cancer is business.

SFX - wind

ROB: Pretty windy here

ARTHUR This is the 2nd highest mountain of the Algarve. And the stage for my columns.The column I wrote about my cancer (lump in neck) was pretty good.I guess it’s cancer.

ROB: But you think you have cancer?

ARTHUR The lump in my neck. I showed you. When it becomes bigger than my head, I will go to work in a freak show.In the old days, you had the elephant man. Now it’s the cancer man.

By the way, how is your defecation? That’s very important. That it goes down well.That’s the first thing the doctor wants to know. As long as you poop well, you haveno cancer

ROB I had diarrhea this morning

ARTHUR That’s the beginning of cancer!

ROB You have turds?

ARTHUR I have steaming turds indeed.

ROB My poop is squirting


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ARTHUR Mine is soft and hard at the same time. You can press on it. Sometimes it has wurms. That seems to be a good omen.

MUSIC start

VOICE OVER Today, Muntz visited Hans Holleeder. An old friend of Arthur, who lives on

the camping of Fuseta.Uncle Hans lost a lot of friend because of cancer. He can talk about it quitecolourfull.

ROB You brought a lot of friends to the grave, lately?

HANS Oh yeah, all young boys, 43, 44, 47 years old

ROB All cancer?

HANS All cancer, that fucking disease.

ROB How come they got cancer so young?

HANS Don’t know. All sporting types, healthy, military.My friend Ron, I spent 3 days at his deathbed. He died.

ROB What kind of cancer?

HANS I don’t know. He passed away within 3 weeks.

ROB 3 weeks?

HANS Yes, 3 weeks. Damn cancer.I put this 2 special tattoos for those boys:Rest in Peace.. and Friends

ROB For the boys that died of cancer?

HANS: Yes, the tattoos are in their memory.Man, how many I brought to the grave.I am 82, imagine!

ROB 82?

HANS All that young boys I brought to the grave. Healty boys, suddenly they get cancerand they die in no time. All great guys. Non smoking, sporting.

ROB Yeah

HANS Look look look, there he is. On that branch, there he goes again. You saw him?

ROB That little bird, the black one.

ROB (coughs)

HANS It’s so funny ...


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MUSIC

VOICE OVER Rob Hoogland, well known columnist of ‘De Telegraaf’ (biggest Dutch daily)came to visit.Hoogland is a very good friend of Arthur and came specially to the Algarve

because he thought Arthur had cancer. Arthur thought Rob Hoogland had cancer, that’s why he wanted him in the

documentary

ROB You are a good friend of Arthur. You got cancer?

ROB HOOGLAND (who lost 60 kilo’s lately thanks to a diet) Many people asked me: you lost alot of weight. I answer them: I don’t know why. You think I should see adoctor? You should look at their faces!

ARTHUR Cancer is a trending topic.

ROB Yeap, it’s a topic.

ARTHUR Yes, it’s becoming a topic.

ROB HOOGLAND I had a colleague, 49 years. Died of liver cancer.

ARTHUR He was a drinker?

ROB HOOGLAND No, not at all. No no.

ROB At your paper (De Telegraaf) somebody has a column about cancer.

ROB HOOGLAND Me?

ROB Not you. You don´t have cancer, right?

ROB HOOGLAND Yes, this woman, Pascal van Oudheusden. She has breast cancer for the 2ndtime. She writes about it. She is finished now.

ARTHUR Refractory?

ROB HOOGLAND No, no, I think she is cured.For the 2nd time.

ARTHUR The column was fake? (laughing)

ROB HOOGLAND No, it was serious. She is only 40.

ARTHUR You know, Thé Lau ( famous Dutch singer with cancer. Refractory).He goes on another farewell tour. Again! His last farewell tour, he promised.

A bit odd, isn’t it?

(ps .Thé Lau died in June 2015)

ROB HOOGLAND Cancer is a trending topic

ARTHUR Definitely a topic, yeah

ROB HOOGLAND Yeap


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ARTHUR Specially with my friends. All drinkers and smokers. Drugs. Whores. Fromtheir puberty on.

ROB You get cancer from that?

ARTHUR Not necessarily. Look at Herman Brood (most famous Dutch rock’n roll star,commited suicide by jumping from Hilton Hotel ).

He became 54! No cancer!

ARTHUR Muntz, your father died of cancer, right?

ROB Yes, correct

ARTHUR (to Rob Hoogland ) Are your parents still alive?

ROB HOOGLAND No. Both are dead. But not from cancer. They got very old.

ARTHUR They died in bed?

ROB HOOGLAND Yes. They were 88 and 86.

ARTHUR Wow, that’s unique.Dying from old age.

ROB HOOGLAND Everybody in my family is healthy. Also my uncles and my aunts.

ARTHUR So what are you doing in this documentary about cancer?

ROB HOOGLAND I came all the way to see you! You should have explained me better. You know what?I am driving to Spain now.

SFX Sirenes / Music slot

ARTHUR Morning Muntz.I am gonna jump in this ice bath.

ROB Ice bath?

ARTHUR Yeap, the grocerie just brought the ice. So damn expensive. A container full of it.

ROB You are out of your mind. Walking around naked in your garden, six in the morning.

ARTHUR I saw it on Youtube, a clip of 30 minutes. Wim Hof, The Iceman. I am gonna do thisat home now. Against cancer of the prostate.

ROB Give me a break!

ARTHUR There was this Dutch guy with cancer on tv. He got cured by the Ice Man!

ROB What is your daily schedule? You meditate?

ARTHUR Nope. But after this I am gonna run marathons. Against cancer. This ice is only

against prostate cancer. Wim Hof. The Ice man. I saw him on Youtube, He went to the Northpole. Made ahole in the ice and stayed beneath it for one hour!

And he has no cancer!


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I got operated.One year after that I needed 35 chemo therapy sessions.Every day I took the taxi to the hospital in Utrecht.I counted the taxi kilometers I still had to do till the end of the chemo therapy. 1275kilometers.

I looked at Google Maps, to see where I could go with 1275 kilometers. Southwards.I would end up in Santo Maria del Campo (small Spanish village).From that moment on, I posted pictures of signs with names of villages I passed onmy ‘trip’, on Facebookwall.

And you know what?Friends found it difficult to ask me about the whole process.‘Willem, how are you now, that kind of stuff’. But they found it easy to hear that Ipassed Paris for example, on my way to Santo Maria del Campo.So I survived the 35 sessions of chemo therapy.

A few years have past now. Everything went well. I feel cured.I still think: should I make a program about it. But I have nothing with this kind of

narcism.

ROB But now you light a cigarette. Your cancer is cured and you keep on smoking.

WILLEM Yeah yeah. Sometimes I light a cigarette.

ROB Yeah. And Albert de Lange also keeps on smoking.

SFX sound of lighter

ROB Albert, you know that smoking can cause cancer, right? So why you do it?

ALBERT For the first time in 40 years, my mother gives me permission to smoke. So...

ROB You smoke! Again?

ALBERT Again? I never stopped!

ROB You never stopped?

ALBERT I never stopped.

ROB You didn’t stop when you had chemo therapy?

ALBERT No no. You know that hospitals love smoking patients?

ROB No?

ALBERT They get mobilized very fast. As soon as they can leave the bed, they walk to thesmoking area in the hospital. They leave their hospital bed 3 or 4 days before nonsmoking patients

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Length original version: 39 minutes

Orginal language: DutchFirst broadcast: NTR Radio – April 26, 2015Producer: Rob MuntzSound: Willem DavidsDirector/s: Rob Muntz and Willem Davids

Voice over: Willem DavidsEnglish transcript: Arthur van Amerongen

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