kyd teachers guide

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Preface

. .his curriculum guide is intended to provide teachers at the 9th grade level to the . 12th grade level with an integrated plan for infusing a character education program into their language arts literacy curriculum. It will help their students develop strong character traits in the art of personal relationships. It is a tool designed to help the student to improve thinking skills and to understand concepts that will give him or her the ability to apply these relationship skills in a practical environment.

The examples used throughout the book are based on a knowledge of the subject as well as the personal experiences of the author. As the student learns these lessons and applies them in his or her every day life, they are infused with moral and ethical values that will influence and help them throughout their lives. This interaction with their parents and family members will not only improve relationships with them, but will also impact on their behavior in school, on the job, in sports and in other areas where interaction with others is a part of their lives in a civilized social environment.

Americans live in a culturally diverse society, therefore having an understanding of relationship concepts is important. If such concepts are learned at an early age, they can be applied throughout their lives in every area of endeavor where one has to deal with people, whether on the job, at home, in school or wherever interaction with people are involved.

When learning the techniques of upward management in a classroom setting, students can apply what they learn when dealing with their parents, family members, relatives, friends and others. In the process of learning such techniques, the students are helped to view concepts and solve many relationship problems that confront them on a daily basis.

For years, educators have acknowledged that character education is an important and relevant subject that should be taught in the classroom. By introducing personal relationship concepts in a classroom setting, activities can be used to allow the students to respond more positively when instructions are personalized and actively engaging through discussion of the students life experiences, especially when it come to family members.

The principles and concepts learned through discussions of the subject matter and the role playing through practical class exercises will enhance the students capacity to reflect on what has been learned, thus making it a practical part of their relationship in dealing or working with others.

This course helps the students develop their vocabularies through a comprehensive treatment that provides them with a knowledge of key terms to bring more understanding to their reading and discussion of character development. There are also skill building les-sons that will enable the student to practice a variety of thinking and communication skills needed for resolving relationship problems, thus helping them implement the information learned from reading and class discussion of the text...

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Askia H. Bashir

HOW TO MANAGE YOUR PARENTS(Without Manipulation)/Teacher’s Edition

Copyright 2005, by Askia H. BashirPublished by KYD PublishersBilalian Productions IncorporationAtlanta, Georgia 30310

Library of CongressCatalog number 95-82178ISBN 0-9650628-2-1All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the Publisher

Printed in the United States of America

For information on this book, write or call us at Bilalian Productions Incorporation, KYD Publishers,401 Hillside Drive S. W., Atlanta, Georgia 30310

(404-752-8877)between 9:00 A.M. and 6:00 P.M. EST

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How To Manage

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acknowledgements............................................................................ viPreface ........................................................................................ viinotes To The Teacher ........................................................................ viiiHow To Manage Your Parents, resources ..................................... xireading strategies ............................................................................. xiiContent summary .............................................................................. xiv

The Concept of upward Management ............................................ 1

Corporate.Management5.Principles.of.Managing.Your.ParentsA.Win–Win.Outcomestudent activity workbook Questions & answers .................... 3

Parent and Child ................................................................. 10

Defining Parent and ChildRevealing Studies and TrendsThe Four Strategy StatementsA Proactive WayWays To Improve Rapportstudent activity workbook Questions & answers .................... 12

Begin by Forgiving .................................................................. 21

In the Beginningstudent activity workbook Questions & answers .................... 23

accepting Total responsibility ......................................................... 26

Stop Blaming Others

Communication ...................................................... 29Sending Your MessageGeneral.Rules.for.ListeningSome Good Points to RememberKineticsstudent activity workbook Questions & answers .................... 31

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Managing ................................................................. 42What is a ManagerHow to Begin ManagementManager’s.RoleCharacteristics of a Good LeaderChangeDisturbance SignalsThe Three Phases of NegotiationOvercoming Objectionsstudent activity workbook Questions & answers .................... 44

understanding Your Parents ........................................................... 60

Identifying BehaviorsSome Good AdviceParent ClassificationWays to Help Your ParentsThe Three R’sRecognizing and Managing Stressstudent activity workbook Questions & answers ......................62

strategies for Managing.......................................................... 70

Learn From MistakesSpace Askingstudent activity workbook Questions & answers ......................71

Personal Development ......................................... 78Help Self Firststudent activity workbook Questions & answers .................... 80

goal setting & Time Management ................................................ 86

How to Set Them, How to Achieve ThemThe Smart FormulaSteps.for.a.Plan.of.ActionTime Managementstudent activity workbook Questions & answers .................... 88

Becoming a Favorite Child ........................................................ 98

Being a Special ChildThe Polite AdvantageChildren and Phone Callsstudent activity workbook Questions & answers ....................100

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Maintaining a good relationship.................................................116

Know What to Do and How to Do ItA Rule to Remember

summary ..............................................................................................121epilogue ...............................................................................................122glossary ...............................................................................................123Index .....................................................................................................128general Bibliography ........................................................................138

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Notes to the Teacher

The “Lesson Plans” in this curriculum guide should be used in class as much as possible. Using them as a guide will not only get greater student participation, but they will also give the student new ideas when taught from the teacher’s perspective and experience. As stated in the “Introduction,” this is not only a course on how to improve relationships, but it is also a good education in developing one’s character as well as teach good core values that can have a positive effect on the student.

In introducing the student to the subject of “managing parents,” the positive and negative effects of manipulation should be explained to them. Manipulation can be used deviously to control or influence others or it can be used in a positive way to motivate or encourage others.

These lesson plans should be used to discuss openly in class as much of the text material as possible. Using such a method not only get greater student participation, but it also give students new ideas and ways that will help them in their personal development. Not only will these lessons help the students improve their relations with their parents, family members and others, but they offer a good educational format for developing the students’ character.

Lesson Plans 4 Step Lesson Plan with Student Activity Workbook Questions and Answers

SteP 1, StArting the LeSSon Identifies the main objective Provides a variety of before reading activi-

ties that involves the students in :. . •. Motivation activity:.Activating.prior.. .

knowledge.. . •. Think about what You Know: Asks

summary questions about what the students learned after reading the text.

. . •. study the Vocabulary: Students look up new words and concepts using the text and glossary.

SteP 2, deveLoPing the LeSSon read and Think questions from the text to

aid student comprehension through:. . •. reading • Discussing • Thinking

SteP 3, cLoSing the LeSSon Provides answers to textbook questions to

check students’ comprehension. . •. Think and write: Elicits students’ re-

sponse to what they have learned in an over-all perspective from the text.

. . •. Focus Your reading: Lesson focus ques- . tions..

. . •. optional Discussion Questions

SteP 4, teSting Student LeveL Examination assignments in the Student

Activity Workbook Student Activity Workbook questions and

answers provided for the teacher in the cur-riculum guide.

. .

Lesson Plan summaries

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Chapter 1, “The Concept of upward Man-agement,” (pp. 1-9), is a subject that every student taking this course should understand if they are to become successful in influencing others in a positive.manner.

The Concept of Upward Management intro-duces the student to a method that can be used to manage their parents in a constructive and positive manner. It also teaches the “5 Principles of Managing Your Parents,” (p. 5) and how to go about applying them.

Learning and applying these principles will have a strong psychological impact on the student’s way of thinking as they go through this course. The principles and skills learned not only apply to “Upward Management,” but are also use-ful for “Downward Management,” when used in leadership roles, whether in the military, business, sports, group meetings, etc.

Chapter 2, “Parent and Child” (pp. 10-20) explains the danger signals that can destroy the relationship between parent and child. It also addresses the negative influences that can affect relationships. “The Four Strategy Statements” that help to develop a proactive attitude and rapport with parents will be focused on in this chapter.

Chapter 3 & 4, “Begin By Forgiving,” and “accepting Total responsibility” (pp. 21-28) are combined and should be studied in conjunc-tion with each other. The process of “forgiving” should be emphasized as well as the social and psychological benefits derived from doing so. In “Accepting Total Responsibility,” the emphasis should be on the term “responsibility,” and the need to be responsible.

Chapter 5, “Communication” (pp. 29-41), is a skill that is a necessary tool the student must learn in order to be effective in every aspect of life.

Emphasis should be on the “three ways” to com-municate ideas (p. 30), and “Becoming Skilled in Communication,” (p. 31). After listing these points, the author spells out the many ways the student can successfully develop the skills of communica-tion effectively.

Chapter 6, “Managing.” (pp. 42-59) Once the student knows the role of a manager (p. 44), the process to develop management skills is more likely to be learned. Because a manager has a great deal of responsibility, reference should be made to Chapter 4 (Accepting Total Responsibility, p. 26), and how it relates to becoming effective as a manager..

This chapter also deals with the important subject of “change” (pp. 50-53) which brings about an attitudinal way of thinking. Another important skill that is taught in this lesson is the “art of ne-gotiation” (pp. 55-59) which is an invaluable tool for anyone who assumes any form of leadership role in life, whether it is a parent or otherwise.

Chapter 7, “understanding Your Parents (pp. 60-69).” In this lesson, students learn the different approaches parents take in directing the lives of their children. Whether it is autocratic, democratic or laissez-faire (pp. 64, 65), the student can iden-tify which form their parents take in guiding and disciplining them. This lesson also teaches the student how to deal with difficult parents.

Perhaps one of the most important lessons learned in this course is the problem of “stress” (pp. 68, 69), and how it can be of a positive nature when understood. Many children do not know how to deal with stress, and when this is so, it sometimes leads them into destructive habits, activities and sometimes suicide.

Chapter 8, “strategies for Managing” (pp. 70-77). This section of the lesson teaches the student

Strong character traits which are taught throughout the text can be developed by studying these concepts and by applying them in a practical way through interacting with others socially or otherwise. The lessons contained within the text are based on widely accepted core ethical values, which include: truthfulness, trustworthiness, caring, responsibility, patience, respect, fairness, modesty, forgiveness, empathy and sensitivity for others and self-control.

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1 StArting the LeSSonMotivation activity•. Ask students to tell of their experiences

in which they observe their parents un-selfishly providing help and assistance to them.

• Ask students what impact has social relations with their peer group had as an influence in their way of acting and thinking.

• Explain to the students several ways in which they can damage their relation-ship with their parents. pp. 12, 13

. ans: Hanging out and socializing with people who are a bad influence and always involved in some kind of trouble. secretly hiding your activities and friends from your parents whom they do not approve. Drinking alcohol, possessing or using drugs. Having be-havioral problems in school. Having

objectives1. explain the parent’s role and re-

sponsibilities.2. give a detailed description of a de-

pendent as a subordinate, relying on someone for help and support.

3. explain the importance of showing respect for one’s parents

Parent and child

chAPter

the importance of being persistent, and being able to motivate self, their parents and others.

Chapter 9, “Personal Development” (pp. 78-85). This chapter gives the student several ways upon which to make improvements in their per-sonal development, both mentally and physically, with emphasis on the importance of meditation and physical exercise (pp. 78-81).

The importance of teaching the student how to maintain a positive state of mind about self is very important if there is to be an attitudinal change. (See p. 80, “As a man thinketh, so is he..., also pp. 81-82).

Chapter 10, “goal setting and Time Manage-ment” (pp. 86-97). The importance of goal setting and time management are explained in this chapter, as well as the specifics . The “SMART” formula which consists of five steps (pp. 88-90) gives the student the necessary tools to go about goal set-ting.. The 10 steps (pp. 88-93) show the student how to achieve those goals. The subject of “Time Man-agement” (pp. 94-97) is a prerequisite to the setting of goals and a necessary tool for conducting one’s life’s.affairs.

Chapter 11, “Become a Favorite Child” (pp. 98-115). This chapter focuses mainly on ways to do things that can bring about favoritism. One of the important factors is “The Polite Advantage” (p. 104), which is a lost factor among children today.

The purpose of being “reliable, credible” and “responsive,” (pp. 106-107) are important lessons. Perhaps one of the most important rules in this les-son is on page 115 which states, “Your Parents Are Always Right.”

Chapter 12, “Maintaining a good relation-ship with Parents” (pp. 116-120) is an extension of chapter 11, yet it gives some advice that will help the student in any relationship as stated on page 120, “A Rule To Remember.” ...............

Sample Lesson Plan

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Chapter 1 – The Concept of upward Management

Chapter 2 – Parent and Child

Chapter 3 – Begin by Forgiving

Chapter 4 – accepting Total responsibility

Chapter 5 – Communication

Chapter 6 – Managing

Chapter 7 – understanding Your Parents

Chapter 8 – strategies for Managing

Chapter 9 – Personal Development

Chapter 10 – goal setting & Time Management

Chapter 11 – Becoming a Favorite Child

Chapter 12 –.Maintaining a good relationship

LeSSon reSourceScurriculum guide-Lesson PlansWorkbook-Teacher’s edition, textbook & glossary(pp. 1-9)

(pp. 10-20)

(pp. 21-25)

LeSSon reSourceScurriculum guide-Lesson PlansWorkbook-Teacher’s edition, textbook & glossary

(pp. 26-28)

(pp. 29-41)


(pp. 42-59)


(pp. 60-69)


(pp. 71-77)


(pp. 78-85)


(pp. 86-97)



(pp. 98-115)


(pp. 116-120)


“How To Manage Your Parents” Resources


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Character Education

“Shall we just carelessly allow our children to hear any casual tales (movies, rap, MTV, music, violent video games, etc.) which may be devised by casual persons, and to receive into their minds ideas for the most part the very opposite of those which we should wish them to have when they are grown up.”

–Plato

Why teach character education? Character education is much more than just learn-ing ethical concepts. If it is to be effective, it must be put in a practical and useful environment such as the family and in the institutions of learning. It is the application of these concepts in the environments of family and school that it can have the greatest impact on the student. Of course there is no better place to learn these lessons than in the home. Unfortunately, in many homes such lessons are not taught. Since this is the reality, the school is the next best place to learn how to be courteous and respectful to other members of society. The teaching of character education inside an educational environment is a way for the teachers to share with the students stories of ethical dilemmas and the moral dilemmas of others. Through such interaction and discussions with their peers, parents and teachers, the students learn to apply and appreci-ate the values and obligations put upon them as they grow and develop.

Purpose of character education The purpose of character education is to provide the student with the knowledge and skills that will stimulate or develop the mental and moral develop-ment of the student. It is through the educational pro-cess that the student receives the information on how to develop the emotional, intellectual, ethical, and moral qualities to become responsible and productive. Character education provides the student with the knowledge to have respect for those things be-yond self. It helps the person to decide the best and proper way to live one’s life. It forms the total human being to be able to critically reflect on their life and actions. It raises the student’s consciousness as an individual to have respect for others as well as for their property.

importance of character education Character education is especially important in this day and time because of the popular culture of movies, music and television which attack societal norms of right and wrong. If we fail in matters of character development, the values of the popular culture become the values of the students. And be-cause character development has been lacking in the educational institutions, teen pregnancy, violence, drugs, hate crimes, gangs and even suicide has almost reached epidemic levels.

the educational environment There is no better environment for students to learn and practice such things as core ethical values and proper conduct than in school. Therefore, success of this curriculum depends on the cooperative efforts of the teachers, parents and the community. Once the material of character education is read, analyzed and actualized in practice, the student will develop the ability to identify and utilize the values learned within the classroom, and these values become use-ful tools throughout the rest of their lives whether at home, school, on the job or wherever they may be.

Methodology in teaching The method and strategies used to teach the stu-dents determine how the students response to what they have learned from the text. For example, in the “Think and Write” sections, the students reflects on what they have read by answering critical questions given to them.. Reading makes more sense when students know why they are reading, and especially when their read-ing has purpose. You can involve students in setting the purpose for their reading or you can provide the reason for reading by providing a question for them to keep in mind.

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F�gure1.

Work�ngrelat�onsw�thparents

are exploring the concept of upward management. It is

taught in seminars, workshops and universities across

the country. In the corporate environment, upward

management is a process that encourages the subordi-

nate to manage the boss. Instead of the boss telling the

subordinate what to do, the subordinate is allowed to

suggest to his or her boss what needs to be done.

empowering children

After reading about this concept and understand-

ing its dynamics, I believe this process will work with

children and their parents. Instead of parents telling

their children what to do, children are empowered to

suggest the things they need and want to do. That’s

what upward management is all about. The amazing

thing about this process is that both managers and

parents like to be managed when suggestions are made

to them in a positive and progressive way. (See Figure

1.)

Be Willing to Learn

Ralph Waldo Emerson, said, “Society is taken

by surprise at any new ex-

ample of common sense.” If

I simply told you that you

needed a good relationship

with your parents, you would

probably agree but never give

any serious thought as to how

to develop such a relationship.

Judging from the quality of relationships in many fami-

lies, children give little thought to developing a good

relationship with their parents.

TheConceptofUpwardManagement

for more reAding StrAtegieS look for •Thinking Critically

•read and Think•write and Think

•Discussion Questions•review Questions

thinking Skillsare sharpened when students use the pictorial graphic as it is related to the subject

How To Manage Your Parents (Without Manipulation) .

makes it easy to use “Before-read-ing strategies.”

•Carefully worded titles and headingsprovide a sense of the lesson content, prompting students to preview and make predictions.

•a variety of highly appealing visuals and captions and thinking skill questions provide a highly motivating way to get all students, particularly reluctant readers, to preview and make predictions.

•Think about what You Know questions and Motivation activities help students activate prior knowledge.

•Key new vocabulary words are thor-oughly developed: identified before each lesson, highlighted in some cases and defined in the glossary, and assessed in tests.

•Focus Your reading questions help stu-dents establish a reading purpose.

thinking SkillsTo get students to think clearly, show

them how to organize information. An easy way to do this is the use of the visual graphics in the text as it relates to the sub-ject matter. Students who learn how to use graphic organizers become more aware of their own thinking processes.

These lessons and strategies are structured on a sound literacy base that is designed to help the student to become a successful reader and writer as they progress in their development as an indi-vidual. Thus, it is important to know and under-stand how the teacher and their students interact with this curriculum, and the kind of impact these lessons have on the lives of the students, as well as on the teacher, both inside and outside of the classroom.

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chapter 1The Concept of Upward ManagementIntroduces the students to a method that teaches them how to influence their parents in a posi-tive and constructive way.

chapter 2Parent and ChildIncreases the students’ under-standing of the negative and positive aspects that can im-prove or destroy relationships.

chapter 3Begin by ForgivingDeepens the students under-standing of the process of for-giveness and its psychological benefits.

chapter 4Accepting totalResponsibilityEncourages the student to be-come responsible and proactive rather than being passive when it comes to taking on new or old tasks.

chapter 5CommunicationStresses 3 ways to communicate and how to develop the skills of an.effective.communicator.

chapter 6ManagingFocus the students’ attention on responsibility in order to be-come.effective.as.a.manager.

chapter 7UnderstandingYour ParentsFocus is on how to deal with dif-ficult parents and how to deal with the problem of stress.

chapter 8Strategies for ManagingEncourages the student to be per-sistent and to be a motivator of self and others.

chapter 9Personal DevelopmentShows students how to make improvements in their personal development, both physically and mentally.

chapter 10Goal Setting andTime ManagementStudent learn the specifics of how to set goals and to manage their time using a formula and 10 steps on how to achieve their goals.

chapter 11Become AFavorite ChildFocuses on ways to bring about favoritism by being polite, reliable, credible and responsive.

chapter 12Maintaining AGood RelationahipA summary of the previous chap-ters, giving the students’ advice that will help them in all relationships.

Content Summary

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chapters’ 3 & 4BEGIN BY FORGIVING

&ACCEPTING TOTAL RESPONSIBILITY

Objectives1. Learningtoforgive.2. Know someof the influences that

programs a person’s way of think-ing.

3. Explain the importance of forgiv-ing.

4. Learnofthenegativeconsequencesofnegativethoughts.

5. Learn how to be responsible forparent/childrelationships.

6. Learn how to take the initiativebetweenchildandparent.

STARTING THE LESSONMotivationActivity• What important decision must be

made to reprogram one’s mind tobringaboutapositivechangeinhisorherlife?p.21Ans:Thementaldecisionanddesiretochange.

• Whyisforgivenessofothersimpor-tantinone’slife?pp.22,23Ans:Forgivenessisthegluethatre-pairsrelationships.Ithealsthehurtandallowstherecoveryprocesstobeginifonehasbeenhurtordisap-pointedbysomeone.

• Ask students do they understandwhat forgiving oneself entails. pp.22,23Ans: Forgiving oneself closes thedooronpastwrong,mistakes,etc.,andallowsthepersontoconsciouslystartwithanewbeginning

ThinkAboutWhatYouKnow• Questionthestudentsaboutthepara-

graph on page 24, sub-titled “TheForgivingProcessandResults.”Get

NOTE: Chapters 3 and 4 are very short chapters. Therefore, they should be considered as one les-son and studied as one chapter.

verbalresponses.• Students answers should include

such responses as: (a) Removing orlettinggoofunpleasantmemoriesorbadexperiences.(b)Havingangryornegativethoughtsbecomesaburdento one’s mind. (c) Having negativethoughts prevents positive thinkingor good thoughts. (d) Good mentaldevelopment is determined by thethoughtsonehas.

StudytheVocabulary• Have students look up the definition

ofthefollowingwordsfromthislessonintheglossary:depression,reprogram,forgive.

Study the Vocabulary (Con’t)

Ans:Depression,n.Inpsychology,aneurotic orpsychotic condition,marked by an inability to concen-trate,andfeelingsofdejectionandguilt.Tolowerinspirit,feeldejected.Melancholy,sadness,downhearted-ness,lowspirits.

Reprogram,n.Changingone’smindtoadifferentwayofthinking.Forgive,v.Topardon.Toexcuseforafaultoroffense.Torenounceangerorresentmentagainst.Toaccordfor-giveness.Absolve,makeallowancesfor,disregard,overlook.

• Askstudentstouseeachwordinasentence..

3Begin by Forgiving

After studying this chapter, you should be able to:• Know how to forgive• Know the importance of forgiving

• Knowthebenefitsofforgiveness• Make changes in your life

• Knowsomeoftheinfluencesthatprogramyourwayofthinking• Know the consequences of negative thoughts• Get rid of negative thoughts

IN THE BEGINNINGConsidering what you have read so far, you may be asking yourself,

“Thisisallgreat,buthowdoIbegin?”Whenyouaskthisquestion,youaredefinitely on your way. You have arrived at the most important step, the begin-ning.Beginwiththeconceptofreprogrammingyourmindforpositiveandgoodchanges.Thedecisiontochangeisthebeginning.Saytoyourself,“I want the relationship with my parents to be better than it is.”Say,“I will improve my relationship with my parents and I forgive them.” You must have the desire, thewill,andadeterminedmindtosucceedwithmomanddad.

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DEVELOPING THE LESSONS

ReadandThinkNOTE:Usethequestionsbelowtohelp

students understand why forgivinghas many positive effects on theirmentalstateofmind.

1. Ask students: What benefit do you gainwhenyouforgivesomeonewhoasksforyourforgiveness?

NOTE:Student answers should reflect independent thinking. See page 23,“ForgivingOthers.”Ans:Forgivingotherscanreleasethepainandangerwithin.Itbringsabouta self-healing whether the personyou forgive is a friendor someonewithwhomyouhavehadlittlerela-tionship.Forgivenessfreesyoufromnegativethoughtswhichinitselfcanbedestructivetogoodmentalhealth.Itallowsyoutoletgoofthepast,andmoveforwardwithyourlife.

2. Howdoyoubeginbyforgiving?p.21Ans:Beginwith theconceptof re-programmingyourmindforpositivechanges.Thedecisiontochangeisthebeginning.

3. Whydoparentssometimesgetupsetwiththeirchildren?p.28Ans:Inmostinstances,itisbecausethey are disappointed in them be-causetheyarenotlivinguptotheirexpectations, or their feelings arehurtbytheirchild’sbehavior.

4. How can you improve the relation-shipwithyourparents?p.27Ans:Take the initiative to changenegativesintopositives,andacceptfullresponsibilityforimprovingtherelationship.

ThinkingCritically• Whoisresponsibleforthequalityof

familyrelationships.p.27Ans:Thequalityoftherelationshiprestsequallyonbothsides.Thepar-entandchildrelationshipsarecom-plimentary.Bothareboundtogetherwithobligationsandcommitments.

CLOSING THE LESSON

ThinkandWrite1. Intheexampleonpages27and28of

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3

theyoungmanwhofeltthathedidnothaveagoodrelationshipwithhismother,whatwasthemaincauseofthepoorrelationship?Ans:After giving some thought tothematter,herealizedthatitwashisbehavior thatwas the causeofhismother’sbeingupsetwithhim.

1. Whataresomeoftheconsequencesofnegativethoughts?p.24Ans:Negativethoughtscanproducepoisonsinthebody,increasestress,causehighbloodpressure, ulcers,depressionandotherdiseases.

Think and Write (Con’t)FocusYourReading• Whataretheresultsofforgivingand

acceptingtotalresponsibilityforyourowncondition?p.25Ans:Itdestroystherootsofnegativ-ity inyourmind, andputsyou incontrol ofyourself.Thus, you cantrulysay,“Freeatlast,freeat last...”Repeatingthementalexercise,“Ifor-givemyparents,othersandmyself”reinforces the understanding thatyouare in control and responsibleforyourowndestinybyletttinggoofthenegativethoughtsofthepast.

Themindisthemechanismthatdeterminesyourbehavior,feelings,anddesires. It is said that “As a man thinketh, so is he.” Your mind is where you will start to make changes. You come into the world as an empty vessel. You are taught how todoalmosteverything.Whenyouare taught,thismeansthatyouaretrainedorprogrammedbysomeoneorsomethinginadirectorindirectway.

You receive formal training from your first teacher–yourmother,andthenfromyourfather.You continue to receive formal training from teachersandinstructorsinyourschools,collegesand universities. You receive informal training throughyourinteractionswithotherhumanbe-ingsandtheenvironment.Infact,somepeoplethinkthatradio,televisionandvideogamesarecontributingmoretoyourmentalprogrammingthanschools,collegesanduniversities.

Asking for ForgivenessForgiveness is an important first step in managing your parents. We

havebeentoldthatitisgoodtoforgive,butseldomadvisedthattheactofforgivenesscanrelieveusfromstressaswellasreduceourthoughtsandfeel-ings of hostility. Real forgiveness is not difficult. In fact, it is much easier to forgive than to hold a grudge. But there is an essential condition. You must be willing to give up your sense of condemnation. You must cancel out with no mental reservation what you think and feel was done to you. When we find ithardtoforgive,itisbecauseweenjoyoursenseofcondemnation.Wegetamorbidsatisfactionfromitbecauseaslongaswecancondemnanother,wecanfeelsuperiortothepersonwearecondemning.Innursingagrudge,manypeoplederiveaperversesenseofsatisfactioninfeelingsorryforthemselves.Whenwereallyforgive,wearenotdoingsomeoneafavororshowingoffourrighteousness.Ifyouwanttorelaxandenjoypeaceofmind,youmustlearnto bury grudges. You must become a forgiving person.

Forgiving Your ParentsThenextstepistoforgiveyourparents.Forgivenessisthegluethatre-

pairsrelationships.Forgivenessisbetterthanpunishmentbecauseforgive-

Mother teaching children

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DISCUSSION QUESTIONSNOTE: Tell students to re-read the

sectiononpage24,titled“TheFor-giving Process and Results” afterdiscussingthefollowingquestion.

1.Explainwhyholdingontonega-tivethoughts,suchasbadexperi-ences and memories can causeunhappiness.p.24Ans: It is unnatural to be angryor unhappy. Unhappy or angrythoughtsaboutsomeonecauseyourmind to think about things thatcauseyourunhappiness.Yourmindhastothinkaboutthenegativesinorder for you to feel negative orunhappyaboutaparticularpersonorthing.

TESTING STUDENT LEVEL OF UNDERSTANDING TEXT

NOTE:Thefollowingexercisesarefrom theStudentActivityWork-book.

• HavestudentsansweropenlyPARTA,WordRecognition.p.7

• Havestudentswritetheanswerstothe Review Questions on pp. 8-9,10

• HavestudentsdoPartCoftheTrueandFalsestatementsonpp.8&9

• HavestudentsdotheOptionalAc-tivityonpage9.

4

STUDENT ACTIVITY WORkBOOk

Questions & Answers

chapters’ 3 & 4

“BEGIN BY FORGIVING &

ACCEPTING TOTAL RESPONSIBILITY”

PART A–WORD RECOGNITIONDirections: Studentsare tomatch theterminColumnAwiththecorrectde-scriptioninColumnBandplacethelet

Part A-Word Recognition (Con’t) ter to theanswer in thespacepro-

vided.Studentscanusethetextandadictionaryforthisexercise.

ColumnA(Answers)1.DepressionAns. c. Inpsychology,aneuroticorpsychoticconditionmarkedbyanin-abilitytoconcentrate,andfeelingsofdejectionandguilt.Tolowerinspirit,feeldejected.

2.ReprogramAns.d.Changingyourmindtoadif-ferentwayofthinking.

3.ForgiveAns.e.Topardon.Toexcuseforafault

Part A-Word Recognition (Con’t)oroffense.

4.ApologizeAns.b.Astatementofacknow–ledge-mentaskingpardonorexpressingregretforafaultoroffense.Tomakeregretfulacknowledgement of or excuse for afaultoroffence.

5.BurdenAns.a.Somethingdifficult tobearemotionallyorphysically.Arespon-sibilityorduty.

6.ResponsibilityAns.j.Beingresponsible.Somethingforwhichone is accountable.Per-sonalaccountability.

nesshealsthehurt.Forgiveyourparentsforeverybad,evil,stupidmistakeorthingtheyhaveeverdonetoyouorothers.Itissaid,“To err is human, to forgive is divine.”Forgivingyourparentsallowsthehealingandtherecoveryprocesstobeginifyouhavebeenhurtordisappointedbyyourparents.Iwantyoutotakeoneminuteandrepeattoyourselfoverandoveragain,“Iforgivemyparents.” You may have some doubt about whether or not this process will actually work,especiallyifyoudonothaveagoodrelationshipwithyourparents.Nevertheless, repeat this exercise at least five times a day whenever you can for thirty days. You will begin to feel better almost instantly. Remember, you areresponsibleforyourrelationshipwithyourparents.Focusonforgiving,beingpositive,proactiveandsuccessful.Forgivenessisabalmthathealsrelationships.Letgoofthepastandallowhealingtotakeplacewithinyourfamily.

Forgiving OthersYou will also need to forgive others. This can be very challenging. I

knowtherearesomepeoplewhomayhavedonesometerriblethingstoyou.Remember,forgivenessisbetterthanpunishmentifforgivenesscorrectsthesituation.Forgiveness releasesyou fromyourpainandanger.Whenyouforgive,youarehealingyourself.Whenyouforgiveothers,itdoesnotmeanthat you have to be their friend, or ever have anything to do with them. You donothavetobearoundthemandyoudon’thaveto tell themthatyouforgivethem.Itdoesn’tmatteriftheyareawareornotofyourclemency.Itonlymeansthatyouarefreeofthosenegativethoughtswhicharecounter-productivetoyourmentalhealth.Forgivethemandletgoofthepastsothatyoucanmoveforwardwithyourlife.Ifyouhavedonesomethinginyourlifetooffendandhurtothers,itmaybebestthatyouapologizetothematatimeorplacewhenitisappropriate.Thisprovidesanopportunityforotherstoforgiveyou.Tobeforgivenbyothersisalsoimportant.So,apologizetoothersforyourwrongdoingormistakes.

Forgiving YourselfFinally, forgive yourself. Yes, forgive yourself for every evil, bad and

stupid mistake or thing you have every done in your entire life. You finish

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Part A-Word Recognition (Con’t)7.Initiative

Ans.h.Thepower,abilityorinstincttobeginorfollowthroughenergeti-callywithaplanortask.

8. PositivesAns. g.Measure ormoving in adirection to increase, progress, orforwardmotion.

9.ComplimentaryAns f. Something that completes,makesupawholeorbringtoperfec-tion.

10.MutualAns.i.Havingthesamerelationshipeach to theother.Directedand re-ceivedinequalamounts.Possessedincommon.

PART B–REVIEW QUESTIONS

1.HowdoIbeginbyforgiving?Ans.Beginwiththeconceptofre-programmingmymindforpositiveandgoodchanges.Tochangeisthebeginning.p,21

2. Where do I first start making chang-es?Ans.MymindiswhereIwillstarttomakechanges.Asthesayinggoes,“Asamanthinketh,soishe.”p.22

3. Name some of the influences that you aretrainedorprogrammedby?Ans.Teachers,parents,interactionswithothers,radio,television,videogames,etc.p.22

4.WhyisitimportantthatIforgivemyparents?Ans.Because forgiving allows thehealingandrecoveryprocess tobe-gin.As ithasbeen said, “To err ishuman,toforgiveisdivine.”Ishouldfocusonforgiving,andrepeatatleastfivetimesdailyforatleastthirtydays,“Iforgivemyparents.”pp.22,23

5.WhyshouldIforgivemyself?Ans.InorderthatImayhaveanewbeginning.pp.22,23

6. What are the benefits of asking for-givenessformyparents,othersandmyself?Ans.Itwill relievemeofnegativethoughtsthatcanaffectmyhappi-nessandthinking.p.24

7.Whataresomeoftheconsequencesofnegativethoughts?

Ans.Removesburdensthatcanaffectmyfullpotential.Negativethoughtscan produce poisons in the body,increasestress,highbloodpressure,ulcers,depressionandotherdiseases.pp.24,25

8.HowdoIgetridofnegativethoughts?Ans. Forgiving and accepting totalresponsibilityformyownconditionandactionsremovesthethoughtsofnegativity.pp.24,25

9.WhenIhavemasteredexercisingfor-giveness,whatpositivefeelingwill Iexperience?Ans.“Freeatlast,freeatlast.”p.25

Part B-Review Questions (Con’t) PART C–TRUE OR FALSE.

1.Blaming others for your unfavorablecondition improves your self-image.Ans. False. Blaming others denies methe opportunity to become the bestthat I can become. p. 26

2. Children are responsible for fifty-one percent or more of the quality of fam-ily relationships.Ans. True. p. 27

3.Parents become upset when their chil-dren do not live up to their expecta-tions. p. 28

Ans. True. p. 28

thisimportantprocessbyforgivingyourself,whichthenallowsyoutohaveanewbeginning.

The Forgiving Process and ResultsWhenyouaskforforgiveness,forgiveyourparents,forgiveothersand

yourself,youarelettinggooftheugly,unpleasantandunnecessaryburden-somememoriesorbadexperiencesthatstopyoufrombeinghappy.Ittakesatremendousamountofefforttobeunhappy,orangrywithsomeone.Infact,itisunnaturaltobeangryorunhappy.Beinghappyiseasyandeffortless.Ifyouareunhappyorangrywithsomeoneoraboutsomethingnoticewhatyouare thinking. Your mind has to think about the negatives in order for you to feelnegativeorunhappyaboutaparticularpersonorcircumstance. Holdingontobadexperiencesandmemoriesislikedrivingyourcarwiththe brakes on. You can and will make some progress, but your brakes, engine, transmissionandothersystemsinyourcarwilleventuallybedestroyed.Ifyouholdontotheuglypastornegativethoughts,itwilleventuallyweardownyourbodyandmind. Holdingontonegativeexperiencesisalsolikewearingankleweights.Ankleweightsplacestressonthelegsandweighthemdown.Eventhoughyou can step, jump or even run, your movement is slower. Your reaction time is slower. You use more energy and strength to perform routine leg functions. Whenyouremovetheankleweights,itfeelsasifyoucanwalkfreer,jumphigher,andrunfaster.Whenyouremovenegativeexperiencesfromyourlife,itisasifyouhavetakenoffunnecessaryweight. Byremovingtheunnecessaryweight,youremoveaburdenthatpullsyoudownandrestrictsyoufromexercisingyourfullpotential.Negativethoughtsandgrudgeswilldisappearifyoujustforgiveothersandletgoofnegativeexperiences.Ifyoucontinuetoholdontonegativethoughts,whichactuallyproducepoisonsinthebody,theresultmaybestress,highbloodpressure,ulcers,depressionandotherdiseases.

Forgiving and the ChallengeYou are probably thinking that forgiveness is easier said than done.

Howdoyougetridofnegativethoughts,experiencesandgrudges?Imagine


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OPTIONAL ACTIVITY

UsingtheVocabularyDirections: Have students fill in the blankspaceswiththecorrectterm.1. He has been in a state of depression

ever since his parents separated.2. I know it will relieve a burden from

my mind if I forgive my mother forwhat she said to me.

3. I know I will have to reprogram mymind if I want to have a better wayof looking at things.

4. You have to take the initiative if youwant to get something done that oth-ers have failed to do.

5. My mind was relieved of a heavyburdenwhen I forgave my sister formisinforming my parents about myafter school activities.

tivityasatreewithroots,trunk,branchesandleaves.Inordertokillanypartofthattree,youjustsimplycutoffthesupplyoffoodtothattree.Forgivingandacceptingtotalresponsibilityforyourownconditionsandactionscutsout the roots of the tree of negativity. This will be challenging. You may have togrityourteethandsaywithfeelingtoyourself,“Iamresponsible.Iamresponsible.Iamresponsible,”overandoveragainuntilyoustopblamingothersforyourcircumstances.

Taking Conrol of Yourself

Accepttotalresponsibilityforyourdestinyandletgooftheuglypastrightnow!Practicethementalexerciseofrepeatingoverandoveragain,“I forgive my parents, others and myself.”

Thismentalexercisewill reinforce theunderstandingthatyouare incontrol.Then,youcantrulyforgiveandstopblamingothersforyourlackofpeace and happiness. You can accept and become fully responsible for your successinlife.

Bybeginningtousethismentalexercise,youwillbewellonyourwaytomanaging your family relationships. And finally, when you master exercising forgiveness,youwillfeelasdidDr.MartinLutherKing,Jr.;“Free at last, free at last, ...”

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4Accepting Total Responsibility

After studying this chapter, you should be able to:• Accept being responsible for parent/children relationship

• Describe how to improve relationships with your parents • Know who is to blame for poor parent/child relationship • Explain that blaming others will not change circumstances or condition • Take the initiative to improve the relationship between you and your parents

STOP BLAmING OTHERSYou may have heard the song that said, “Don’t blame it on the sunshine,

don’t blame it on the moonlight, don’t blame it on the good times...”Blamingpeopleorcircumstancesforyourconditiononlydeniesyoutheopportunitytobecomethebestyoucanbe.Thinkofsituationswhereyoumayhaverefusedtoaccepttotalresponsibility.Usually,thesesituationscausedyourparentstobedisappointedbecauseofyourirresponsibility.

NOte tO teacher: this chapter’s activities have been combined with those of chapter 3


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You may feel your parents are always telling you what to do. Perhaps it’s becauseyouhavenottakentheinitiativetodirectyourselfandtherelation-ship.Accepttotalresponsibility.Taketheinitiativetochangethenegativesintopositivesandtheywillstoptellingyouwhattodo.Acceptfullrespon-sibilityfortherelationshipandyouwillseeimmediateprogress.

Who’s responsible? Afterexaminingrelationshipsbetweenchildrenandtheirparents,Ihavecome to one clear understanding. Children are responsible for fifty-one per-centormoreofthequalityoftheirfamily’srelationships.Theparent/childrelationshipiscomplementary.Parentsandchildrenaremutuallyboundtogetherwithobligationsandcommitments. You will learn to accept more andmoreresponsibilityformanaging your relationship as you refine and practiceyourskills.

The Need To Accept Responsibility WhenIquestionpeopleaboutwhoisresponsibleforproblemsintheparent/childrelationship,Igetinterestinganswers.WhenIaskedchildren,theyinvariablysaidtheparentsaretoblamebecausetheydon’tlistenortakethemseriously.WhenIaskedparents,theysaidthechildisnotbehaving,therefore,itisthechild’sfault.Childrenareoftheopinionthatparentsareincontrolofeverything.Ontheotherhand,parentsexpecttheirchildrentodowhattheytellthemtodo.Thus,nooneistakingresponsibilityandtherelationshipgetsworse. You might be thinking that things are really bad between you and your parentsandyoumaynotbelieveyoucaneverhaveagoodrelationshipwiththem. You might think that if you did accept the challengetocreateabetterrelationship,itwouldn’tlastverylong.Therearetoomanyproblems,toomuchbadblood,toomanythingsthathavebeendonetoyouandtoomanythingsthatyouhavedonetothem.Andanyway,whyshouldyoubetotallyresponsiblefortherelationship? Iinterviewedayoungmanabouthisrelationshipwithhisparents.Iaskedhimhowwellhegotalongwitheachparent.Heindicatedthathisrelationshipwithhisfatherwasokay.However,hismotherwasnotasunderstandingashisfather.Iaskedhimtoexplain.Hesaid,“When I come in late

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from a party or someplace, she gets mad and jumps all over me. When I don’t do well in school, she gets upset. I can get into a little trouble and she’ll just go off!.”

Stop and think Iaskedhimtostopandthinkforamomentandgivemesomewayshe could have improved the situation. At first, he continued to blame his motherforthenegativeconditionoftheirrelationship;Irepeatedtheques-tion,“What could you have done to make the situation better?”Slowly,hebegantounderstand.Herealizedthathisbehaviorwasthereasonhismotherwasupsetwithhim.

Whenquestioned,hebegantothinkdifferently.Hesaid, “I should have been back at the time she expected me to be back. I could have called her to tell her I would be late or asked her if I could stay out longer,”headmitted.“What about your grades in school?”Iasked.“Should your parents expect for you to do well in school?” Hereplied,“Yes”Iaskedhim,“Do you have a problem in learning?”Hequicklyresponded,“No.” I thensaid tohim,“Then tell me, what could you have done to make your situation better?”Heanswered,“I could have completed all of the work assignments that I was expected to do. I could have completed them, but for some reason, I didn’t.” Icontinued,“What about your getting into trouble?” Hesaid,“It was I who got in trouble each time. It was my mother who was concerned about my getting out of trouble, and caring for my future.”Hethensaid,“I now see what you are talking about.”

Why Parents Get Upset Whydoyourparentsgetupsetwithyou?Inmostinstances,it’sbecauseyoudisappointthembynotlivinguptotheirexpectations.Oryouhurttheirfeelings. How would you react if you were the parent? You would probably bedisappointedtooifyoudidn’tgetwhatyouexpected.

Ineachoftheyoungman’ssituationswherehedescribedhismotherasnotunderstandingorgettingupset,headmittedhisactionsprovokedher.Remember,peoplereacttothewaytheyaretreated.Theirreactionmayormaynotbewhatyouexpected.Sobecarefulhowyoutreatothers.


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