joshue ashby's life project

8/2/2019 Joshue Ashby's Life Project

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JOSHUE ASHBYS LIFE PROJECT

Raising Coln Reputation

First of all, I would like to thank all of you for supporting me and helping me during

my stay in Boston. I find it difficult to find ways of expressing how I feel about receivinghelp from all of you. As you all know, this is my last semester and who knows when Im

going to have to opportunity to visit Boston again.

Before I leave, I would like to let you know about my background and my plans for the

future. Because it is so unusual, I was always unsure whether or not to tell my story to

people here. Now that Ive gotten to know you as transparent and trustworthy people, Im

happy to share a little of me with you. I have included my plans for the future, in hopes

that you may have some advice that may guide me on my path.

I am the second of my moms three sons, each of us from a different father. When peoplehear of my childhood they assume that it was not fun at all. I however find that to not be

true, I have learned from every experience in my life.

My biological father left my mom after she got pregnant. He had a good job working for

Panama Canal Zone owned by Americans, but he never took care of me. He was so mean

to her that after noticing that she was pregnant, he claimed that my mom was a girl he

picked up on the streets (prostitute). My mom wanted to abort me but my Godmother

wouldnt let her. Once my mom decided to leave my biological dad and start a new life,

he got upset and stole all the furniture from her house.

A few months later my mom met my stepfather, they started dating and by the time I was

1 years old he moved in with my mother. After a year my stepfather asked my mom to

move me from my grandmas house to my moms, in order to educate me. He said you

should educate your son by yourself, he should live here with us. She accepted and I

moved. My mom used to work in a container port in Coln (my city). My stepfather

worked for the same company job but in Panama City. My mom only finished high

school and my stepfather didnt even go to school, but they knew how to get by without a

degree.

My oldest brother Andy take care of me and the house while my parents worked, but

Andy was a rebellious guy that didnt like my stepfather, because my stepfather would

not let Andy do as he pleased. Andy was always in the company of bad people and was

slowly becoming involved in the gangster life and this was not the direction that my

stepfather wanted him to go. For many years the family struggled but survived.

In 1996 when I was 10 years old, the Americans sold the company where my parents

worked to two Asian businessmen, and all the Panamanians where fired. The government


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was supposed to give them some money for the time they worked there, but that promise

was never fulfilled. The family fell into a terrible financial crisis. Being only the age of

10 there was not much I could do for my family, I had to knock on doors selling sweet

plantains, mangos, and snacks at school to make some money for my family. Sometimes

I had to steal coins from soda machines and public telephones or sell organic juices at

home. For about 4 years I had to do these things and more in order to support my family.

Luckily my stepfather opened a kiosco - a small restaurant where I worked with him,

cutting up plantains, taking care of the trash, cleaning the chicken, buying the seasonings,

etc. These where some of my daily task with my stepfather. The minimum salary in

Panama is $376.00 per month for working 8 hours a day! The only one in my family

making this is amount of money, is my stepfather with the kiosco. Sometimes he reaches

that amount, sometimes get more than that, sometimes, less. Never stable. Right now,

since the food are getting more expensive he had to stop working some days because

clients are not coming. He has to support everybody with this.

As I struggled to help the family Andy, my oldest brother, was getting more heavily

involved in the gangster life, and began stealing food from people at the entrance of the

restaurant. Later on he formed a gang. Police were looking for him everywhere. I

remembered one day expressing to him how I felt when he came home and found me

crying. I told him that I had many birthdays and Christmases without any toys but he

didnt even finish listening A week later he killed a guy to steal his bicycle and gave it

to me. My mom and my stepfather kept talking to him, advising him, but he was just lost.

I remember my mom kicking him out of the house a few times. He left the house, but

always returned with more problems. I remembered he got shot a couple times in his

arms and legs then got stabbed in the neck coming close to dying. He even use to show

me how to use his gun in case of an emergency.

It wasnt long before I found myself going down the same path. I was shot in one of my

arms, and stabbed in the back. I started to smoke marijuana a lot and my face was burned

in a street fight. I was unconsciously following in the footsteps of not only my brothers,

but also of all my friends from the neighborhood but my parents never lost hope that I

could be saved from this life.

My brother was not all bad he was an excellent soccer player and he had been signed to

play on a soccer team in Spain, but he could not go because of this Police records. ThePolice caught up with my brother by the time I was 12 years old.

Seeing that our personal and financial matters were getting worse, my mom decided to

talk to one of her friends and see if she could help rescue me from ending up like my

brother.

In 1997, Victorina Dewar (my mothers friend) introduced me to the music world. She


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thought that the music could be a tool to help improve my behavior and let me escape the

addictions of the environment where I was raised. That was the first time that I saw a

violin. My ignorance made me think that violins were only for Europeans, North

Americans, or girls.

You can imagine my reaction towards the violin. I was a guy from the streets, use toliving a life no violinist could handle. I totally rejected the idea of becoming a musician.

My friends made fun of me by calling me little girl and mom and dads baby.

Being a kid, of course I didnt understand what my parents were trying to do for me, so I

refused the idea of playing the violin for a long time. I would try anything to get kicked

out of the course. I came from a very tough life and I was not scared of anyone, so I

scratched the paint of the professors car, punched the professors son in his face, broke a

violin, skipped classes, did literally anything to get kicked out. Maybe I acted like that

because of the differences between me and the other kids. Most of them came from an

easy childhood. I had to begin acting like an adult at a young age.

I thought my stubbornness would beat my parents vision for me, but my stepfather

persisted, saying I would prefer to murder you myself than to see you killed by some

one else out there, so if you dont take these classes seriously I will kill you with my

hands. Uuff, that meant he was so upset I had no other choice but to obey. That meant I

was no longer able to do what I wanted to anymore.

Little by little I began getting away from my friends. They still made fun of me and told

me that I was wasting my time doing these womans thing. I used to cry a lot, but my

parents were always there, pushing me back up.

In this course I met violist Luis Morales and violinist Dannelle Hall (keep in mind this

two names), who became my best friends and also shared the same life experiences and

came from the same background I did. In my class there was no professional teacher. My

professor Felipe Hudson (? 1998) didnt even play violin. He just taught straight from

the figures in music books. We didnt have enough money to buy strings or replacements

for the instruments so when we broke our strings, we replaced them with nylons. We

used to made the rosins at home in the stove.

When I was 14, a violin teacher named Elena Kitras came to teach at a clinic. She was

originally from Coln, but at the time lived in Panama City. Seeing our needs and ourtalent, she decided to invite us to a music camp in Panama City. She supplied us with

used strings, better bows, and replacements that where much better than the homemade

once we created.

It wasnt until I got to this music camp that I decided to stick with it. It was the first time

I ever heard how the violin should sound, the first time I ever saw Caucasian people in

abundance, and the first time I heard English spoke the proper way. They were all young


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students from the Oberlin Conservatory of Music. Hearing about their experiences

traveling and recording made me decide to stay with the violin. They were impressed

with our talent, given that we hadnt had a proper teacher.

But not everything was great. The students from Panama City were not in the same

situation as us. They were all white, with great violins, parents with money, anddramatically different backgrounds. It was difficult for them to adjust to our presence,

and vice-versa. They rejected us from their group. Once again, coming from our

backgrounds, we were ready to get angry and to fight at a moments notice. Dannelle,

Luis and I were always getting involved in brawls with the other students. I was kicked

out of the camp a couple times, but by then I already fell in love with the violin, and

fighting and getting into trouble was no longer what I desired.]

After three consecutive years of attending this music camp, my skills and behavior

improved. As a result, so did my reputation. I was becoming a better person, and getting

some respect in my neighborhood. My friends in Colon however, were one-by-one dyingor going to jail.

At the age of 16, the National Association of Concerts gave me a scholarship to travel

each weekend. They paid for me to get private lesson with a professor from the National

Symphony Orchestra of Panama named Graciela Nuez. With this help I was able to get

my own place and for the first time in my life was no longer dependent upon my parents.

Danelle later got the same scholarship, but unfortunately he did not have the guidance at

home as I did. Even though he had these amazing experiences with music, he was still

attracted to the streets. He was selling marihuana, and his brother was in trouble with a

gang! In my city, they dont care who they have to kill. If they cant find you, they willkill a member of your family. Fearing an attack, my friend used to carry a gun wherever

he went. I walked with him everywhere so we ended up being called brothers.

My parents didnt like my friendship with him, because they were afraid I fall into my

old ways again. Dannelle, Luis and I stuck together, no matter who was against the

friendship. In order to go to the course we had to sometimes steal money from public

phones or ask the professor for money to pay the fares to get to Panama City. Although

we all went to different schools, we were well known.

In 2003 I graduated from high school and got a scholarship to go to the NationalConservatory. From 2003, things were getting financially better,I started doing gigs with

music. A year later, I was accepted in the National Symphony Orchestra. That was my

formal job for two years. My friends also were succeeding, all with music, working in the

same field because there is only one conservatory in Panama, which is as big as a house

in the United States. Which is really not big enough to be created into a school right?

From 2003 to 2008 a lot of things happened. This period was one of the most beautiful


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times of my life. I played with a lot of artists, was being known around the country, was

very tied to the music world, I was able to make some money, which made me happy;

and I was able to recognized that my parents were not mistaken. But also, I got a lot of

discrimination and oppression because of where I came from, Coln City. All of the

people who supported me financially abused of me. They treated me as If I belonged to

them.

Little by little I was getting respect from my friends and neighbors, but the only ones that

I didnt get the same appreciation from where the policemen. The policemen will see you

walking, stop you, ask for the id, you show it to them, then: get in the car. Take you to

the police station with no reason, they lock you up for hours with no explanation if you

try to argue or ask why they do that, they hit you or spread gas on you. In this pass years

they have been abusing of people. This is a major issue in my country. I cant be at home

or going out to have fun without being oppressed by the police.

Since I still live in the same place, there is no way to identify who is a gangster and whois not, so police will arrest anyone, even more if you are a young guy and walk in group

of three or more persons. I always get this treatment when I am in my country, which

frustrates me a lot. I have complained everywhere, and there is no way to get away from

this when you are no one, I mean when you are not middle or first class people.

I once attended The National Association of Concert, without having the original charts,

and they kicked me out from the concert in front of everyone, they never paid me what

was originally proposed, they made copies of a written complain that I did and they

altered adding things that I never said. I remembered that when I got my scholarship to

go to Berklee a member told me: You are no one, Berklee is not a good school, they

accept everyone. They found out about my acceptance because I used their mailbox

since I dont have any mailbox in Panama. They opened my mail without my permission

and started talking bad things about the school and my acceptance. Well, fortunately I

was not a kid anymore and was very clear about what I wanted to do, so I ignored them

and said Thank you for all your supports, will consider your advices. Bye bye

In the youth orchestra I was the concertmaster. Everything was ok till a conductor from

the NAC (national association of concerts) took the orchestra. He would insult me and I

had to say nothing because I was getting some money from them to my studies in

Panama.

In the National Symphony Orchestra I had some issues too. The thing is that I had to keep

silent about the people who were supporting me financially in order to keep their support.

They believe that I was not going to say anything because of the reputation we had in

Colon. They figured that no one was gonna believe me anything. But I understood that

was a process that needed to be completed in order to succeed. Once they were all being

completed I just left all these people and thanked them for their support, and told them


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what they needed to hear from me.

In 2008 I got the scholarship to study here in Boston. We all taught I was going to be

making a lot of money because I am in America. Thats the mentality that we

foreigners have of the USA. A place where you can make a lot of money, people would

say, if you get the VISA you make it. But, me staying here was not what people wereexpecting.

Before I left home, my sponsor, my teacher and I had a meeting in which they asked me

what were the responsibilities that I had in Panama. What was going to happen if I accept

to go to USA? I told them that I had a daughter, my parents, my students, and my

brothers. I support all of my family. In order to leave Panama I had to quit my job with

the orchestra and leave everything, meaning that I was not going to have no income

anymore. They told me that they were going to support me with all that, which until

today, they havent. But it doesnt mean that I have placed all my hopes in them. I had to

make some adjustments with the money of the scholarship in order to keep supporting atleast my daughter.

Our agreement was to go back to Panama every break and teach at the offices, and be part

of the projects, which I was happy to do, but there was a difference between the other

students and I: 1, I have a daughter; 2, I live in Colon (2 hours away from the city), and

had no job in order to transport to and from Colon everyday. They never understood that.

Sometimes I would say no to their activities because I had a gig to make some money.

They did not find that acceptable, but once again I understand that there are some process

that need to be completed in order to succeed. I cant fight them because they are

supporting me with the scholarship. Another issue was that to them I was what they

founded or discovered, they rescued me from the streets. But how can that be since 2008

I was lost? Thats ridiculous, they never sat down and asked me how was my life before I

got the scholarship. There is another student from Panama that has the same scholarship

but all his decisions and plans depended on them. I am not judging him for that, because

he may have another life style. They had to understand that my adult life started being a

kid. So, they would ask me what to choose at school (here), which professors, what

major, I never disrespected them, I listened to their suggestions but, considered some of

them and the rest I refused them which they did not like it.

We have had big arguments; the last one was because they punished me for being late

with my financial report (we have to do one per semester). Every body was late, but I gotthe punishment. Why? Is it because I was the defiant one who didnt do what they wanted

me to do? They though I was rebellious, because I always raised my hand in the meetings

in disagreement, but the rest of the students disagreed as well I was just the courageous

one to raise my hand. My punishment consisted of going to an abandoned library and

cleaning it out. Removing all the trash, the fungi, mold from the books, transport them

from that place to their office and make a new library. While I did that, I was kicked out


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from all the activities in the foundation; not teaching, not playing, not traveling with

them, until I completed my punishment. It was supposed to be done in two weeks.

I started doing the job with Omaira, my girlfriend. Sometimes I had to go to the

foundation for some tools so I can work better. When I arrived there, I use to see the

other students playing for tv shows, interviews, etc. People were asking me whathappened and why I was not playing with them. I just responded that I was not feeling

good. So, they did all this to me only to humiliate me in front of others. What really hurt

me was that I was on the dean list of the school, worked very hard in school and they

never recognized that. After finishing the work, which lasted two weeks and a day, one of

the sponsors approached me and started screaming in front of everyone saying that it was

supposed to be done a day ago. She asked me if I went to work on that everyday I told

her yes, but had to leave earlier one day because I had to go to a gig to give the money to

my daughter. I was taking it easy till she said: You are always excusing yourself for

your daughter If it were for my daughters, I would not do anything because I had to pay

$12.00 an hour so someone can take care of them. I responded, Thanks God that you canat least pay for someone to take care of them, I have to do all that by myself because my

daughters mom doesnt have a job either. At that point I understood that she had never

dealt or work with poor people. She kept offending and insulting me. I told her that I was

not getting support from anyone so, I had to take the gig, asked her to please dont

scream at me, meanwhile all of this is happening in front of everyone. Then she ended up

saying You know what, I dont want to talk anymore From now on dont talk to me

anymore. Well, you can imagine myself going back to all my experiences that I just

mentioned above I was so angry and started screaming at her too, she was scared and

started shaking, then she left. Since then, we have had a dry relationship. All in all she is

my sponsors wife.

During our breaks I never got any financial support from any of them, and I was

supposed to not touch the money from scholarship for anything, but school. I remember I

had to ask Mr. Charles (the owner of the house in where I am living currently), for some

money to have something in my pocket while in Panama during one of my breaks. He

kindly did not refuse to help me. He also has been helping me in many other ways. The

last help I got from him was to cut me out the rent amount in order to paid $200 per

month, due to the financial situation that I am in right now. Thank God I am finally in my

last semester and I think that all the things that I have experienced are going to be useful

in future, as it is being useful in the present.

Things at my neighborhood have not changed at all for the better. Children of my oldest

brothers friends are following their parents steps and are getting involved in gangs and

violence. I still live in the same neighborhood and I can see how this generation is getting

worst. Kids are robbing and are killing each other. There is not one time where I hear my

parents tell me: Joshue, the neighborhood is ok No, instead Guess who got killed,

guess who got cached by the police, etc etc etc


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Currently, my oldest brother is in jail due to an assault that his friends did with his car, a

few months ago, my youngest brother has lost all his friends due to delinquency. And my

youngest brother is also being tempted by the gangster life due to our financial condition.

I can now count my friends I can do it using my hands, many of them are dead or in

prison.

Some peoples wishes are to leave that place and to not go back anymore. Thats actually

what people have been doing in the past years. They keep judging their old friends, their

city, etc, but dont do anything to help. I however would like to do something different.

During the last 15 years of studying the violin I never stopped thinking about my people

from my town. Wanted to help as much as I can, but how? How can I do that If dont

have the resources to do it?

Having a Skype conversation with my friends (Danelle and Luis) almost a Year and an

half ago, we brought up the topic to the table and were wondering how and what we

could do to help the our Panamanian community with our music, because we have no

money to do it.

Ok We want a school, we want to rescue some kids from the street, raise Colons

reputation, etc etc etc. We decided first, to make a band in order to be known by people.

Make some concerts and talk about our stories to prove that music can help rescuing lost

people from the streets. Doing this we will be, little by little, getting all the resources we

need in order to reach our goal.

So, yes, we started a quartet. We are called C3 String Quartet. We picked this name to

identify our origin. Named for the first number on the cdula (id) of everyone born inColon province (3 by the alphabetical order of the provinces names, and C by the first

letter of Cedula).

The members of C3 are highly influenced by many kind of music such as reggae, hip-

hop, salsa, merengue, jazz, funk, Panamanian folk music, etc. This is due to the music left

by our ancestors from United States, Jamaica, Haiti, Africa and Cuba.

Some countries have developed their music on harmony; some of them, n melodies;

others on microtonal sounds, etc. The unique element that C3 has is the commitment with

the Right Interpretation of Afro-Cuban music, better known as Latin. Cuba and

Africa have developed their music on rhythm, dances and simple harmony, but rhythm

and dancing are the most important. We sustain that this kind of music cannot be well

performed if one doesnt know how to dance it first. The famous clave, originally from

Africa, is a huge matter in our performance and improvisation. You cannot have a good

solo if you have not internalized the clave and related it to each part of the other

instruments. In order to get all these characteristics we daily work on transcriptions all

the way from the founders till todays real performers of this music.


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In term of techniques and instrumental skills, we work very hard to made our playing

sound like a salsa big band. Due to this, we have applied the famous invention the

chop, to our compositions and arrangements. Occasionally we perform with

percussionist.

Till now we have done four performances. The first one was our own concert called:Night of Afro-Cuban, jazz and more the second one: Music for the peace and

equality. The third one was as guest musicians: National Identity and the last one were

also as guest musicians of the Panama Jazz Festival. My sponsors are the organizer of

the Panama Jazz Festival so I though they will refuse my audition to participate, but they

did not, which was good.

Now, our next presentation is going to be at my Senior Recital. They have been saving

money for this one. Will be our first one out of Panama. Besides my recital we will

probably be performing for Orale con Vernica a TELEMUNDO Boston TV Show.

Playing with some ensembles for the school, etc etc. But the most significant one for us isthat we will be doing an audio/visual demo in Berklee College of Music. It will be a

professional work done by one of my friends from school. It consists in two videos: One

is a DVD with us recording the demo at the studio. Visual effects, etc the second, the

most important one, is the same DVD, but now with us talking about our lives

experiences and our project.

We feel that this opportunity is going to be the step we need to reach what we want to in

Panama. We dont have the kind of equipment they have in Berklee to do this in Panama

nor the money to purchase them. So we feel that this would be an opportunity of a

lifetime.

They are planning to come in April 19th and leave Boston with me, on the 14th of May.

They have made a huge sacrifice in order to be able to pay for their tickets. Remember

they are also from the same place as I am, very similar story to mine. Thats why we trust

God that our project will be powerful and will touch a lot of lives.

For all of you readers: With the fact of only reading my story and plans for future, and

giving me some advices you will not only be supporting me, but all these thousands of

people that are lack of hope and are being consumed by the vices of the streets. It will

mean a lot for Panama!

Thank you all for your support and I promise that none of you will regret!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyK1IpAx7iQ

http://www.thepanamanews.com/pn/v_18/issue_01/culture_08.html


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ANNEXES

Prof. Elena Kitras / Danelle Hall

My parents


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Graciela Nuez

MyYoungest brother in the middle


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My building

Me, Luis Morales and Danelle Hall (Angels of Love trio)


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Dad and brother

View of my neighborhood from my windows


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Felipe Hudson, Me, Danelle Hall and Luis Morales

My oldest brother Andy


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Danelle, Omaira, me and Luis

C3 String Quartet

joshue ashby's life project

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