JEALOUSY AND ENVY

The “Comparison” Emotions 

Jealousy

Jealousy Jealousy is an emotion,

and the word typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection. 

Jealousy Jealousy is not seen as such a primal driving force. It is

more of a common experience that we might all relate to. People that are jealous may also experience anxiety, negative thoughts and feelings, possibly obsessively thinking about events that may or may not be occurring.

They will put themselves into negative situations that reinforce their beliefs. Many confront others while others hide away and detach from people and situations. Jealousy is more a symptom of insecurity and lack of confidence in own ability to maintain strong healthy relationships with others and success in other areas of life.

JealousyPossible reasons for jealousy Fear of losing someone that you are attached to Thinking that someone has what you ought to

have Feeling left out of situations, friendships Believing others to have more friends than you Seeing others as having more opportunities than

you, better life, more experiences, more successful love lives

Seeing others as better than you, luckier than you in some way

Envy Envy is an emotion which “appears when a

person lacks another's superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it“

People that are envious can experience painful overwhelming emotions due to somebody else owning or possessing something that they do not have. For example more money, a new kitchen or car. Envy is a symptom of desire which is rooted in a depth or well of internal emptiness and low self-esteem.

Envy Possible objects of envy Success of another in love, relationships

or work situations The possessions of another Personal qualities of others Financial status of another Cultural differences such as strong family

ties and community The perceived luck of others

EnvyEnvy says – I want what you have. When we envy, we are acting on a belief that having this thing we want will provide us with greater stature or happiness – and that not having this thing diminishes us in some way.The thing can be anything: looks, money, position, relationship.

Jealousy and Envy Jealousy and envy are

emotions that everyone experiences from time to time (whether it be in the context of friendships, romance or work), and that doesn't mean it's easy to deal with these feelings.  Jealousy is solicited anytime there is a threat to something that is of value to an individual (in other words, it's that icky feeling you get when you are afraid something will be taken away from you). Envy, on the other hand, is the emotion solicited when somebody has something that you want for yourself.

Jealousy. Envy "Jealous" is defined as

"very watchful or careful in guarding or keeping," and "resentfully envious.

"Envy" is defined as "a feeling of discontent and ill will because of another's advantages, possessions, etc.; resentful dislike of another who has something that one desires."

The Emotions of Comparison and Contrast

Jealousy and envy involve comparisons and contrasts.

Comparison suggests similarity or equivalence, whereas contrast focuses on differences. At times you may compare yourself with another, but most often you will be focused upon contrasts based on negative feelings. Contrasting yourself with an idealized image of another person magnifies shame that can threaten your self-stability. Any threat to your esteem—your established sense of self—will likely activate shame and, when you come up short in such contrasts, shame is experienced as envy or jealousy of another.

Jealousy ≠ Envy The first difference to be aware of is that envy

involves two people. One person being envious of another. Jealousy is about more than two people and involves the preservation of special friendships because of the involvement of others.

It is possible to experience both jealousy and envy at the same time. For example you could be jealous of the attention your boyfriend is getting from a female who you envy for her physical qualities.

Differences between jealousy and envy are that jealousy involves the wish to keep what one has and envy the wish to get what one does not  have. 

Yes—a quite striking difference. Envy is a two-person emotion, and jealousy is a three-person emotion. A is envious of something B has; but A is jealous of B’s relationship with C. For example, Mary is envious of her co-worker’s higher salary; but Mary’s husband John is jealous about all the time she spends with her assistant.

Is there a difference between the social interactions that produce envy and jealousy?

Why Do We Compare Ourselves to Others?

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt

Comparisons are always unfair. We typically compare the worst we know of ourselves to the best we presume about others. You are too unique to compare fairly. Your gifts, successes, contributions and value are entirely unique to you and your purpose in this world. They can never be rightly compared to anyone else.

Comparison puts focus on the wrong person. You can control one life—yours. But when we always compare ourselves to others, we waste precious energy focusing on other peoples’ lives rather than our own.

Thank you for listening!