It’s A Journey….

…what do we mean by that??

Do we ever get to graduate from being a rookie?

NO! Here are the easy answers why…

Growth The Nature of

Special Ed

But here’s what adds to the complexity:

The parts we live all the

time, but maybe to which we don’t give

enough credit

TENSIONS

What do we mean by “tension?”

THIS KIND

NOT THIS KIND

The first tension

What does it mean when people say “Don’t judge?”

BAD HARD

Four Common Places We Find Tensions

In our internal experience

In our behavior

Within the family

Within the school experience

Our Internal Experience

Tensions in Handling Information

What we know

Who to listen to

Awareness Understanding Acceptance*

*Acceptance of what is (or what was) so you can move forward effectively.

Not the same as resignation or giving up.

Unaware Not understanding Not accepting

Yourself Your instincts

Others Professionals

Our Internal Experience

Tensions in Outlook Optimism (naivete?)

Possibility Potential Good odds Good outcome

Limitation Bad odds Bad outcome

Trust Faith

Lack of trust Luck/Randomness

Pessimism (skepticism?)

What about ME??

Selfishness Self care Strengthening The oxygen mask

How we view the future

How we view uncertainty

Our Internal Experience

Tensions in Posture

Vigilence

Managing how it looks on the outside

Details Bases covered Thoroughness Proactivity Swift responses

Mired in detail Lose sight of big picture Micromanaging Anxiety Too many contingencies Effort spent on things that never happen

What works What’s good for you/your family Allowing vulnerability

Looks good to others Missing out on help?

Denial Protective Strategic Hiding from what is

Tensions in Our Behavior

The Stress Response

Flight

Freeze

Break Time to think Opportunity to gather info Return to try again

Avoidance Running away Sweep it under the rug Things stall or move on Without you

Wait, breathe! Oxygen mask Return to try again

Action stalls Things move on without you

Fight

Advocacy Assertive, Firm Energy Fighting “for” Relationships intact

Combativeness Aggressive Fighting “against” Relationships strained or broken

Our Behavior

Staying in our head

The intellectual scramble

“I have to be strong”

Research Learning Talking Meeting

Implementing Experimenting Trials Tracking/monitoring

Pushing through Charging ahead Do it anyway

Honoring exhaustion Recognizing overwhelm

Proactivity

Tensions within the Family

Balancing Needs siblings

What’s fair? Necessary? Practical? Possible? Ideal?

Sibling with special needs

kids Spouse/marriage

Extended family Supporters

Extended family Detractors

Family dynamic

Tensions that Come Up at School

Would you deny your kid glasses? Side effects Meant to help the kid

The easy way out Side effects Meant to help the adults

“Everybody” settings Specialized settings

Descriptive Establish eligibility Provide baseline info and assumptions

Limiting Stereotyping If we stop at the label, we miss the individual

Meds

Inclusion

Labels

Tensions that Come Up at School

Talking About the Future… and Today

Independence Ticket to inclusion in the real world

More content/exposure Higher achievement Ticket to inclusion in the real world

Ability, what’s “right” Strengths, skills Passion, preferences

Disability What’s “wrong” Deficits

Inspiring Hopeful Empowering It’s never too early

Scary Overwhelming Complex It’s too early

There’s only so much time in the day

“Don’t dis my ABILITY!”

Transition Planning

How Many More Tensions Are There??

Souvenirs from the Journey

Change is possible. Change is inevitable.

Look at challenges as “hard,” not “bad.”

Acceptance is not the same as giving up.

Acceptance in the present allows the shift from “bad” to “hard.” This allows for better

problem-solving.

Forgiveness is accepting that you can’t change what happened in the past.

Forgiveness is not the same as saying it’s OK.

Forgiveness/acceptance frees up energy, focus and effort for today’s challenge.

Souvenirs from the Journey

If it seems impossible, try relaxing your timeline.

Keep your sights set as high as you can for the future.

Pay attention to your instincts.

Read Brene Brown.

Take the oxygen mask seriously.

If your trust meter is stuck, go back and think about forgiveness/acceptance.

Course correction is OK. (Balance is hard!)

Stress is a reality but not always bad.

Final Thoughts

Our kids are resilient.

Be gentle with yourself.

Don’t isolate yourself. There are a lot of us out here.

It’s OK to laugh!