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Issue 7, Michaelmas 2015

The race for what is probably the most powerful office in the world has been hotting up of late. But surely you’re all getting bored of the US presidential election, so let’s talk about the race to become the next Master of Peterhouse instead. The process is shrouded in secrecy. Luckily, thanks to the power of telepathy, the Dodo can exclusively reveal the shortlist of frontrunners…

Michael Portillo - his name starts with ‘Port’… what more could you want.

Jeremy Paxman - so he’ll be kind to the University Challenge t e a m ( b e c a u s e o b v i o u s l y matches are recorded live so they haven’t actually played Round 3 yet).

R u r i k J u t t i n g - m a d e a signif icant contribution to making Peterhouse known internationally.

T h e E x h u m e d B o d y o f Margaret Thatcher - it would be great to have a female master,

and who has been more of an inspiration to the College than Maggie?

Mike the Porter - he’s got a bit of time on his hands now. And it worked in Porterhouse Blue.

Dr Hampton - if he’s going to have a monopoly of power, may as well do it properly.

Angela Merkel - used to ruling places that have a historic association with the far right.

THE DODONext Master Will be

Michael Portillo* *according to dream one member of College had last night.

VENI, VIDI, VICI THE SECOND BATTLE:

mighty conquerors meet puny tribe and crush them without drawing sweat.

“Ooohhh, painful” - Oscar Watches

Hannah spear an enemy soldier’s guts. Meanwhile Julian

and Tom play catch with said Soldier’s

Gall Bladder.

Bird Brain

Country’s newest National Treasure… seen as never before - Page 3

NEW Science section - Page 10

It’s da bomb

CHRISTMAS BINGO and a quick dash of Sport - Page 16

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Letter from the EditorDear All,

Back at the end of November, my angelic editorial team brought me excellent news (well actually there wasn’t that much news. But they brought me lots of excellent features, science, arts etc…). It meant a Dodo would, at some point, be born.

Unfortunately my laptop, from henceforth to be known as Augustus Caesar, soon made clear to me that giving birth to this Dodo would was going to require a long, slow editing journey. (Yes, once again I’m going to blame my computer for an issue’s lateness. First one to mention bad workmen and tools gets shot.)

To make matters worse at a time when my stomach was bulging with articles, I kept running into one problem. “No room on the page!” This is the first Dodo for which I have had to keep some non-time-limited articles back for next issue. You may also note small font-sizes and a lack of pictures. Sacrifices had to be made.

But finally the labour was complete. Unto us a Dodo was giv’n. Angels sang on high (or possible some music floated up to G staircase from Chapel).

And then to top it off, three wise men gave the newborn Dodo some wonderful gifts. First, there were the two caption competition entries. But the third gift was the

best of all. THANK YOU OSCAR FOR ALLOWING ME TO HAVE F U N W I T H P A G E 3 A N D G E N E R A L L Y B E I N G A N EXCELLENT SPORT.

Yours joyful and triumphant,

Eloise.

Christmas Editorial Team:

Eloise Davies (Editor), Stevie Hertz and Julian Sutcliffe (News ) , Tim Ade lan i and Katherine Williams (Features), Elizabeth Lloyd (Science), Abi Scruby and Vinciane Jones (Arts), Sam Hobson (Film), Jonny Fry (Sports [haha]), Leyla Gumusdis (Online), Vanessa Upton and Paula Stuurman (General).

Christmas truly is a time of miracles…. Two whole entries and neither from my sister.

Chocolate to appear in Sam’s pigeonhole soon.

Winner: “Group screening of footage taken during an Adonian society meeting poorly received by viewers” - Sam Hobson

Runner up: “Peter struggles for the answer” - Anon. (This took me while. If you’re as slow as me, think serial killers.)

Now to build on this great triumph, a festive photo for you all to muse on. Peterhouse Langley does Santa at the Fellows’ children’s Christmas party…

Captions to emmd2@cam.ac.uk.

Corrections… Johanna. I can spell it really. I just somehow didn’t….

Editorial

The (world’s least competitive) Caption Competition

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Oscar, 21, from York

Peterhouse Powell recently featured on page three of the Daily Mail. The next step was obvious…

PAGE 3

NEWS IN BRIEFS

OSCAR says “God it's cold - what are these mounds on

my chest? They may well be buboes, I fear; I knew I should have contained those Xenopsylla cheopis fleas more securely. Oh

well, I'll continue standing here at least until I begin

coughing up blood. Where's the Great Fire of London

when you need it?”

“Phwoar! Trust me Oscar, you won’t

hate our biochemistry”

- Jeremy Pecksman

“Best pulling faces I’ve ever seen”

- Bamber Gasgroin

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T h e P o r t e r ’ s O b s e r v a t i o n Game How many of the following n a t u r a l w o n d e r s y o u recognise ……………..

BOATIE…..this is a rare breed sometimes observed rowing their ships on the r i v e r . T h e y a r e m o r e commonly seen in bright coloured plumage staggering either to or from some dinner or other. They are capable of amaz ing de c i b e l l e v e l s wherever they are. Do not make the mistake of asking them how the BUMPS work…paint dries faster.

ERG…..a sort of grunt that is the mating call of a BOATIE.

B U M P S … . a r i t u a l complicated game played by BOATIES on the river. The winners get to wear leaves and make more noise than usual.

ADONIANS….are a ‘Dinner and Breakfast’ society made up of like-minded males who will be seen from time to time dressed in white tie stalking around the College late at night. ‘Toasting the Queen’ before the Mains involves one of them standing naked in front of an open f ire for ten minutes. The phrase ‘Pass the Porter ’ has sl ightly different overtones and we are told that the after dinner entertainment is very good.

Q U E E N … . . s e e n a t a n ADONIAN dinner

E M E R I T U S F E L L O W … . a n e x t r a o r d i n a r y creature that can live for a very long time. They usually wear old clothes and walk with a stoop looking at the ground and will only look up to greet others of their own species. Usually only ever come out at lunchtime.

GRADUATE…is someone who has finished their degree and rather than look for work they stay on and do things called MPhils. This extends their formative adolescence by as much as two or three years.

PORTER…….a p i l l a r o f College society and a font of all knowledge. Loved by everyone.

MATRICULATION…..is the first act on arrival and is swearing allegiance to the College. This is read aloud from a script on a hand held board w r i t t e n i n L a t i n . T h i s constitutes a legal agreement w i t n e s s e d b y s e v e r a l dignitaries including the PRAELECTOR. The Terms and Cond i t i ons on the reverse side of the board (also in Latin.). No-one ever reads these but they bind the student unconditionally to the College for life or 75 years whichever is the longest You cannot unsubscribe.

PRAELECTOR.....probably the jammiest job in the C o l l e g e . I n v o l v e s

approximately 10 hours work a year.

F R E S H E R S … . . l a s t approximately 7 days when they suddenly go stale, having discovered that they know almost everything that there is learn now that they don’t live at home. Their only sustenance is alcohol and late night pizzas. Usually they metamorphise into……..

UNDERGRADUATES…… this s t r a i n o f s t u d e n t h a s generally just three years to survive. Their whole world is complicated by the need to succeed, drink a lot and avoid looking like a TOSSER at the BOP. They are scored at the end of their normal life and are p l e a s e d t o b e 2 - 1 , disappointed to be 2-2, and cannot believe they are 1-1. Only they know what that means.

TOSSER……there are at least two of these at a BOP. On one occasion four were spotted !

BOP….no one knows what this stands for. Probably….. Bloody Offensive Party.

News and Features

PORter’s News Our anonymous contributor returns with another Plodge-related game.

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News and Features

Freshers’ Week Five days in and Ethan Silverstone is fed up of you all already.

Day 1.

Thanks for your help getting these bags up the stairs. I know, everything but the k i t c h e n s i n k r i g h t ? Fortunately, they are provided here (Mum, take the kitchen sink back to the car). My room is nice, I think. At least, the bits I can see are nice. I’m assuming the lost corners are still my room, and not effing Narnia. Still, the college has been very welcoming. The oldest secular building in Europe still used for its original purpose, you say? No, I didn’t know that. They could show it off better if they actually turned on some lights in here, I would be able to tell a fresher from the Chaplain! (Sorry Geoff)

Day 2.

I’ve always found the first n i g h t i n a n e w b e d difficult, particularly if the ‘new bed’ has the stiffness of a board and the build q u a l i t y o f a r e a l l y knackered board. What tattoo? Oh, no, I just didn’t listen to the tie-dye instructions and now my chest has been stained a rather fetching s h a d e o f l i l a c f o r t h e indeterminate future. Wait, Spoons is a Wetherspoons? But my grandparents like Wetherspoons, and I’m fairly sure they’re not partial to nachos and clubbing. Do you think they do soft drinks here, or am I obligated to get crunk?

Day 3.

So that’s the Dean, is it? Listening to his voice is like swimming in treacle. What’s the point of telling us we can’t use frying pans in college if there aren’t any hobs? Do they get a lot of people making campfires on the landing? And don't get me started on delays, the wait before matriculation is boring. The oldest secular building still used for its original purp- yes, I know, why do people keep saying that? Must resist urge to adhere my audience to the Combination Room walls with

gobby chunks of Freshers’-Flu phlegm, before frantically signing a silly joke name in the Matriculation Book, like ‘Naughtius Maximus’.

Day 4.

Well this is a catastrophe. Who thought it would be a good idea to promise free pizza to a bunch of penniless

students waiting for their loans, and then make them stand for 20 minutes in a muddy paddock fo r the culinary equivalent of a lightly garlic-flavoured wet slap to the face? Oh, yes, of course I’m interested in joining the Cambridge Table Napkin Folding Society. What exactly do you do again? Wait, don’t answer that. I’ll just put this l ea f l e t w i th the o ther…shortlisted choices. Hmm. Actually I’m a bit peckish so…excuse me , t h i s i s t h e Pastafarianism stall? Oh, about 2 years now. Thanks. do you have any pesto? Phew,

with all these leaflets I’m going to have to spend the rest of Freshers’ Week just w o r k i n g o u t h o w t o organise my time…

Day 5.

What the hell is this? How is 4 days a Freshers’ “Week”? Perhaps I was m i s i n f o r m e d , b u t I thought peop le here , excluding the humanities,

were supposed to be ABLE TO COUNT? Panic. How is it possible for me to h a v e t h i s m u c h

work after 45 minutes of lectures? How am I supposed to buy things before my student loan comes in a fortnight?

AND YES! I KNOW ABOUT THE DINING HALL!

I think there might be a theme developing…

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Coping with the Week 5 Blues Oh yeah, and any blues in Weeks 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7 and 8+. A guide by Cameron Saunders.

Today I woke up to the grey light streaming through the curtains - and instantly realised something: Week 5 had begun.

Week 5.

Week 5 blues. Notorious among Cambridge students, it’s the hump that rears its ugly head at the point in term when the work s e e m s t o e q u a l l y p i l e u p impossibly high behind you and stretch out unendingly in front of you. The end of term seems aeons away and the reality that you’re not quite coping becomes a little more apparent. Week 5 blues, though a humorous nod to the fac t Cambr idge has a backbreaking workload and a distinct lack of reading weeks, nonetheless masks a very much more serious problem.

Like many, I know people who suf fer f rom menta l hea l th problems. I’ve even had my own battles with them. And while education and awareness around mental health continues to increase, there still exists a stigma around discussing it. Why is this? Some attribute it to the fact people think they are alone in suffering their condition and that by discussing it, may be ostracised by their peers. Others just don’t want to talk about it for fear of being thought of as weak or incapable of dealing with stress.

In Cambridge, this is particularly relevant.

It’s almost expected for you to feel down at some point, but most people never talk about it. Many students here have the misconception that you’re not doing nearly enough work unless you work yourself to the point where you begin to go a little mad. It is more than normal here (and wrongly so) for people to

brush off the fact that they haven’t seen X come out of their room in the past week by saying ‘they’re probably just working’. Anywhere else, not seeing a person properly for a week would set off red flags on all fronts. Week 5 blues represents the fact that most Cambridge students arrive here and work so hard that t h e y a r e e x p e c t e d t o b e struggling, sleep-deprived and finding it hard to cope with the workload after little more than a month of study - and I don’t have to tel l you that this is in absolutely no way normal or healthy.

Crucially, Week 5 does not just represent the state of our students’ minds for one week in November. It reveals a bigger picture of the current state of mental health in Cambridge; however students may try to ignore it or quash it down, it is infinitely more important than people give it credit for, and it is vital that if you are struggling, you address the problem and do something to begin to solve it.

SO WHAT CAN BE DONE?

There are many resources available to help with any problem you may face, some of which I have listed below. The clichés are also well known: exercise, eat healthily, get better sleep, talk to people. But they are clichés for a reason - they help. Numerous studies have

repeatedly shown that regular exercise can be just as effective as - if not more effective than -antidepressants in the treatment of depression.

It isn’t a sign of weakness to seek help for any problems you may have.

I urge you to consider the fact that people shouldn’t have to wait until Week 5 to legitimise how they are feeling. Life is wearing enough, and it is never a good idea to leave problems until they reach breaking point. It is important to realise that the university and colleges have a duty to look after the health of their students. However, a very large part of the process of staying mentally healthy also comes down to the individual and , i f you a re cur ren t l y suffering, there is so much you can do to take charge of your health. No matter how alone you may feel in your problems, there is always someone who will listen, and always someone who will help.

NHS Choices mental health http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/mentalhealth/

Time to Change (an organisation that aims to educate on mental health issues and end discrimination. Contains good tips on helping someone who is suffering from a mental health problem) http://www.time-to-change.org.uk

University counselling service (free to access) www.counselling.cam.ac.uk

Linkline (student-run organisation which aims to listen and support with problems) www.linkline.org.uk

Welfare

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Introducing the Peterhouse Singers Vinciane Jones tells a story full of sweet Nightingale song.

This term, through the great initiative of Ewan Day-Collins and with the help of Abi S c r u b y a n d X i a o L i n , Peterhouse welcomes the recent ly rev ived s inging group.

Every Thursday night, a group of Petreans head towards the Whittle Building. T h e y g a t h e r i n t h e Nightingale room*, chairs are pulled up to form a circle, the piano is set up, the sheet music is distributed and the singing begins. The piano’s melody unites with angelic voices which carry through the college bringing joy to all who hear.

…ok not quite, but nearly!

In reality not everything goes so s m o o t h l y . T h e r e i s s o m e laughing, some arguing - which Christmas song should we sing?! (we went with “Last Christmas” in case you were wondering) and

we sound great most of time (when I’m not accidently singing flat). We’ve sung a range of songs from “Don’t stop Believing” to “Like a Prayer”.

The Peterhouse Singers are a friendly group and anyone

can join, it ’s definitely informal (just try to show up sometimes). Overall, the jo ining the Peterhouse singing group is just a great

way to spend an hour of your time worrying about musical notes rather than lecture notes. So come and join us - it’s fun!

*The room opposite the bar for those who don’t know

The Fresher production of Alan Ayckbourn’s Table Manners followed in a long standing tradition established by Abigail’s Party and Celebration of a dinner p a r t y c o m e d y e x p l o r i n g relationships and love. And they did it justice. Julian Sutcliffe said it was great “seeing fresh talent in the Cambridge theatre scene” and the performances in this show were very strong. Kat Cussons’s s h a r p a n d c o n v i n c i n g per formance as Annie was touching and worked brilliantly in contrast to Lottie McNally’s caricatured performance of the overstrung housewife.

Bec Robinson and Ben Merrett played off a similar contrast. Ben’s performance as a highly emotional, philandering drunk infused the show with energy and

his impressions of both Lottie and Kat’s characters was a comic highlight. His wife, played by Bec Robinson, was a fantast ic contrast to his exuberance with bitter sarcasm. The complexity of the character she developed who was both fond of her husband and ready to calmly divorce added an interesting dimension to a play that risked cliché.

Cara Fung’s confident banter as Reg drew lots laughs along with the moustache, which was

appropriate as their performance f e l l t o w a r d s t h e e n d o f M o v e m e b e r . W i l l K a y e ’ s performance as the quiet and hopeless Tom frustrated the audience in all the right ways and threw a convincing stage punch at the climax of the play.

Fran Hawker said she was ‘proud of all my freshlings’ and rightly so. The number of freshers involved in all aspects of this p e r f o r m a n c e w a s h i g h l y admirable. The set was very realistic and demonstrated an admirable resourcefulness. The lightening, music and scene changes were all smooth and particularly given the play was put together in two weeks the overall sense of professionalism and control was really impressive.

Freshers’ Play: Table Manners Vanessa Upton has only polite things to say.

Music and Theatre

We may or may not sing better than these animals.

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Occult and Housing

Haunted (Peter)House Rivalry, suicide and a restless spirit: Vanessa Upton finally writes that article on the Peterhouse

Ghost. A mere 3 years since it first featured on a Dodo commissions list…

How to be a room points whore Do everything but the ‘r’ word, says Julian Sutcliffe.

We are all in awe of them. Those people who sail around college like they own the place, aloof in their insuperable superiority and effortless power. They are the room points whores. They actually have a society - kind of like the Adonians, but without the option to go to the Deer Park before the cheese course. They have slaved and worked to get their position and here is how to join their hallowed ranks.

Join committees. This is the gold mine of room points. As Stevie Hertz has literally just described it: ‘Get on stupid committees where you do nothing and no one cares about them ’ . Many soc i e t i e s in C a m b r i d g e a r e u t t e r l y dominated by Petreans. Like the

punting society. Yes, that exists. Peterhouse hegemony in this and many societies has been assured since the glory days of Oli Wettern - some rumours say he is currently plotting to become Room Points President even from exile in SOAS, a university which shockingly has no system of awarding rooms based on Thatcherite principles o f se l f -advancement . Our glorious editor has also aimed to achieved [did achieve] room points glory - Tea Society anyone?

College sport is also a good shout. Peterhouse is renowned for entering more teams into croquet cuppers than any other college - almost a quarter of the field were Peterhouse, a full

fourteen teams. Rowing is not worth it. Honestly just don't do it for room points. Either you’ll hate it or you’ll get addicted - if you want the best room in college (which is?!?! [G10 obvs, Julian. Forgot how much I enjoy interrupting your articles. E.D.]) then don’t row. Gone are those days when D3 was guaranteed for the captain of boats… Then again so are gone the days of institutional and legislated misogyny.

Follow this guide and you will probably get a decent room. Worst case scenario you might make some friends or at least get out the house. Also rooms cha t i s the bes t k ind o f Peterhouse chat - who’d have a random ballot…

It was 9.30pm on a Friday night in April. Mr Paul Davies, the assistant Combination Room Butler and Mr Matthew Speller, the Combination waiter w e r e c l e a r i n g a w a y t h e remnants of the Fellows Dinner when the caught sight of the P e t e r h o u s e g h o s t . T h e y described the figure as white and humanoid and they saw him moving between the spiral staircase at the entrance to the Combination Room and the centre of the room itself. Who was this figure? And why were they in the combination room?

The story of the Peterhouse ghost goes back to a suicide

that took place in 1789. Francis Dawes was the Senior Fellow of the college and he was responsible for swearing in the new master. At this time the new master was chosen by offering two candidates to the Bishop of Ely. The Bishop chose Francis Barnes out of bitterness since the candidate he wanted wasn’t chosen. Francis Barnes was a fellow at Kings who had very little interest in being Master and was strongly disliked by the other fellows in the college. As Senior Fellow Francis Dawes was obliged to swear him in and two years later he was

found ‘hanging on the bell ropes in the college chapel’.

Following the report of the ghost in the Combination Room Dr Pattenden inspected the college bell rope and discovered that the distance from the bell rope to the floor was too short for Dawes to realistically have hung himself there. So it transpired that Dawes didn’t hang himself in the Chapel, but rather on the bell rope above the spiral staircase next to the Combination Room - exactly where the ghost was seen running towards or away from almost 20 years ago.

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Rumour

A little bird told me… Our usual selection of anonymously submitted rumours. Some of them might even

be true.

By late October the mastership election was down to 6 candidates (3 internal, 2 female). Some Fellows expressed the view that none were stand out winners, so Governing Body

may as well go for a woman.

Difficulty choosing a new Master means Prof. Dixon has had to stay on a year longer than originally planned.

The new Master actually is Michael Portillo.

Last week the election was down to 3 candidates . None were internal; two were

female. Then it was down to two: one woman, one man. The decision is now

The portrait of a woman now up in the Tutorial Parlour (visible through the window on the left after you walk past the Plodge) is actually of a

transvestite. See male hands and Adam’s apple.

The above is being put around by the remnants of the Peterhouse Right

between courses at the Adonian dinner. This is only step one of their plot. The

next is a fake sex tape to discredit the new female master.

BUZZTWEED.com ————

Lists, lists and more Peterhouse-related lists

———— Top 10 most ridiculous Hall meal names of Michaelmas

2015

1. Almond and porcini bake with v egg i e ch ipo l a t a and f r e sh horseradish sauce

2. Chickpea, artichoke and blue cheese roulade, stuffing and bread sauce

3. Mini lamb and Moroccan spice meatballs baked in a North African t o m a t o s a u c e t o p p e d w i t h pumpkin seeds and served on cous cous

4. Home-made garlic and thyme turkey burger with cos lettuce, coleslaw and vodka ketchup in a whole- wheat bap

5. Lamb, wild mushroom, shallot and red wine casserole topped with baked redcurrant jelly dumplings

6. Honey and mustard glazed roast gammon with pineapple relish and cinnamon lentils

7. Pork, smoked bacon and fennel seed meatba l l s tossed wi th tag l iate l le , mar inara sauce, oregano and olives

8. Maple glazed salmon escalope with wilted leaves and caraway.

9 . M in i l en t i l and o regano meatballs tossed with roasted peppers, parsley, olive oil, garlic and spaghetti

10. Truffle macaroni cheese

———— Petrean Contenders for the

Christmas No. 1

17. I need a Dollar - The Telephone Campaign

16. I say a Little Prayer - The Dean

15.Every breath you take (Every move you make, I’ll be watching you) - The Police (to a certain overzealous fresher at the JCR Christmas Party)

14. Another one bites the dust - The Bedders

13. Girl on Fire - Michelle Knight’s worst nightmare

12. Irreplaceable - Mike the Porter

11. The A Team - Sportspeople not at Peterhouse

10. Making your mind up - The Development Office

9. Gold Digger - The Travel Grant Applicants

8. We are the Champions - No Peterhouse Sports Team

7. Don’t you worry child - Letters to the kids in August

6. Fame - The University Challenge Team

5. Aint no Party - Everyone to the Porters

4. I Predict a Riot - Peterhouse Christmas Party 2k16

3. Blowin’ in the Wind - WSB

2. Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want - The Rooms Ballot

1 . T h a t ’ s n o t m y n a m e - Peterhouse College

Stevie Hertz and Eloise Davies

Mike the Porter edits his Village magazine. Imagine if he wrote something for the Dodo…

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The false dichotomy between the Arts and the Sciences

TEDx doesn’t believe in this rubbish, and nor should you. By Vanessa Upton.

This title is the theme of the TEDxCambridgeUnivers i ty Conference. The tagline for TED is ‘Ideas worth Spreading’ and combining the arts and the sciences rather than separating them is essential to developing and spreading ideas.

The English University system encourages specialisation. When choosing A Levels people are concerned about ‘matching’ subjects. Our interviews are f ocused on conv inc ing a s u p e r v i s o r t h a t w e a r e desperately passionate about the single subject we have applied to and that we have no qualms or questions in our mind that this is what we want to do for the next three or four years. And yet, when applying for funding for a masters or a PHD

t h e b u z z w o r d i s “interdisciplinary”. The most c r e a t i v e a n d i n n o v a t i v e research comes from combining and developing ideas to gain a fresh perspective. Fran Hawker, a second year BioNatSci, says “science is linear and looks to the future whereas the arts l ooks a t i s sues f rom a l l perspectives”. Approaching issues from different viewpoints only adds to the world’s ability to understand.

The primary issue with the false dichotomy, which wi l l be disproved by the speakers at the TEDxCambridgeUniversity conference, is that you are either an ‘arts person’ or a ‘science person’. Einstein said, “the greatest scientists are artists as well” and I would argue that the best literature

I’ve read has been informed by the science and technological developments of the time. The relationship between the two is fluid and the best progress is made by innovators who are sensitive to all elements of the culture around them.

The speakers that will be p r e s e n t i n g a t t h e TEDxCambridgeUniversity are p u s h i n g b e y o n d t h e i r designated fields and bringing f r e s h i d e a s and diverse m i n d s t o p r o b l e m s t h a t c h a l l e n g e o u r assumptions a b o u t t h e wo r l d and our abilities.

Arts and Science

H-Bomb does Science Harriet Codd, lawyer, self styled ‘H-Bomb’, talks to Elizabeth Lloyd, bio NatSci, about

science.

E: So how much science have you done?

H : W e l l , I d i d A L e v e l Chemistry , I just hope i remember it!

E: ok, we will start off we a scale question - how big do you think the sun is?

H: er, a billion kilometres…

E: in radius?

H: yes

E: well I can tell you its actually 696,000 km in radius

H: oh, i thought id be much bigger, its hard to judge…

E: yes it is. At the other end of the spectrum, how big is a bacterium?

H: 0.001mm…

E: in length, in radius?

H: length

E: thats pretty spot on - bacteria are 2-8um in length with is the same as 0.002mm!

H: aw cool!

E: Ok - next question, how many female science Noble Laureates have there been -

H: 7.

E: do you want to know how many there’ve been total? How many women out of 583?

H: oh, um, 70?

E: its actually 17…

H: wow, thats so low! Can you go with my first answer?!

E: maybe…. Next question - which o f these are t rue :

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digesting chewing gum takes 7 years, antibiotics kill viruses, lightening never strikes twice?

H: can you repeat the second one? [i do] I think they are all true. E: actually, none of them are true.

H: aw, a trick question! What kills viruses then?

E: Antivirals…

H: oh

E: Who is Marie Curie and what did she do?

H: Daffodils!

E: ….

H: cancer cure!

E: er, sort of related to cancer…?

H: chemotherapy !

Akash, phys natsci enters the interview room [aka Fitz 22 top g y p ] G e n e r a l c h a t a n d explanation ensues.

A: its radiation isn't it?

E: yes - she discovered two new elements, won two Noble Prizes, d e v e l o p e d a t h e o r y o f radioactivity and developed t e c h n i q u e s f o r i s o l a t i n g radioactive isotopes [the last one was definitely not taken from wikipedia…] She’s related to caner because she died of cancer from all her work with radiation.

E: how does the heart work?

H: so um, it, oh ****, i do know this, it pumps blood around your body. there are four chambers, two of them are blue, two of them are red - no, I'm being silly, two are of them are for oxgentaded blood and deoxygenated and they work in alternates, flowing in and out because one goes out pasts your lungs and collects a bit alleioli or whatever its called - you know what i mean (E:

aveoli)., yes it collects oxygen from the alveoli and then your blood gives you muscles oxygen , gives everything oxygen

E: yeah pretty much, that was pretty good, well done

E: Akash might be better at this than me, but the final question is - What is the theory of relativity?

A: aw, Jesus, no, why did you asking that…

H: its where like if I'm good t something and Akash is a little bit better at something , then relative to me akash is a better

E: and the science theory?

H: um

E: disclaimer i don't really know either, thats why I'm glad akash is here, is should understand it…

H: is it the space-time continue or is that a doctor who concept?

E: thats doctor who….

A: it does exist to be fair

H: well what is it akash?

A: its that the speed of light is constant in all frames

H: is that like e=mc squared

E: yes

A: no…

E: oh

A: akash proceeds to explain but i cant be bothered to type it all up and its rather dull

E: I’m going to say some science words and you have to guess what they are

Doppler effect

H : D o p … d o p p l e r … t h a t s probably some guys name

A: newahhh

H: -

A: Microwaves?

H: really tiny little waves [she waves]

E: yeah pretty much

E: what is the central dogma of biology

A: whats a dogma?

H: of biology?

E: uhmm, specifically I guess molecular biology

H: god created us all… can you put that in the Dodo or nor?

E: ill put it in. do you want to make a serious guess?

H: Darwin was right - peace out, peace out bros

E: yes I suppose, Darwin was right…. it was related to what we were talking about earlier [a bit I've skipped because it was dull]

H: proteins create everything?

A: proteins are the shit!

E: do you want me to tell you?

A: yes

e: DNA is transcribed into RNA which is translated into proteins, and that underpins everything.

Arts and Science

In case you wondered what an H-bomb looked like.

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Not a palarva Elizabeth Lloyd discovers how easy it is to turn a gyp into a lab and makes a larva

lamp in the process. Now it’s your turn…

Larva Lamp

1. Pour vegetable oil into a plastic bottle

2. Add a bit of water to the bottle

3. Add few drops of food colouring

4. Break up Alka-Seltzer tablets and drop them in

5. Observe the awesome sciencey larva

And the science… Water and Oil are different densities so the water, as the denser liquid, will sink the bottom of the bottle. The food colouring is water based so will also sink to the bottle.

The oil and water don't mix because the water is polar (the atoms in water have different electronegativity and so the atoms have partial charges) and the oil is non-polar. Real larva lamps use polar and non-polar liquids but they are closer densities so can create the bubble e f f e c t b y chang ing th e temperature rather than adding a gas.

Alka-Seltzer tablets release carbon dioxide when added to water which reacts with the water. The Water/gas combo is less dense than the oil, so they rise to the top of the flask.

Science (soz Vanessa, back to the dichotomy it is)

1

2

34

5

6

Tah dah…

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Film Review 1: The Lobster No, this is not a film about the protesters outside Browns. Over to Sam Hobson…

Engineering Pranks to Annoy your Mates Pfft, Engineer Pennies? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, says Steve Brown.

I f the re ’ s one th ing tha t engineers are good at, it’s mess ing wi th th ings they probably shouldn’t. It was inevitable then, that with three engineers living in one house, someone would discover a way to tamper with the others room – just enough to annoy them a little bit. Here in this article, I am going to divulge some of the best o f a terms worth o f engineers thinking up pranks instead of doing real work.

*Disclaimer: As a true engineer, I h a v e v e r y l i t t l e t o n o communication skills, so this article will probably not be the best wrote thing you have ever read – you have been warned!*

One of the simplest ideas we stumbled upon completely by a c c i d e n t . O n e d a y w h i l e standing chatting to another engineer in our Fitz house, he randomly tried spinning the fish eye (viewing hole thing) in the door; and amazingly discovered that these can be removed from the outside of the door! The best idea we had with this was to push a balloon through the hole

with the mouthpiece still on your side; blowing it up and tying it, then letting it go to float into the room. This lets you do the classic trick of filling a friend’s room up while they’re away for a day, but without needing them to forget to lock the door!

If you want to get more serious in your engineer based pranks, you can invest in a screwdriver- opening you up to a whole new range of opportunities. Another tr ick found completely by accident involves the desk in our college rooms. You might have noticed they have a key hole next to the three draws on the right. It turns out that to permanently keep the draws unlocked, college snapped the keys inside the key holes. This means with something the right shape (like a screwdriver) you can turn the key hole, locking the desk doors trapped and your mate very confused for a while!

The all-time favourite discovery made by the engineers in our house this term, however, is the ability to permanently lock

someone’s door from the outside without the key! This was discovered by thinking about how the door works. The handle is attached by a metal bar inside the door to the mechanism that pulls in and out the catch. If the doors in your house have the right type of handle (with the screws uncovered) you can take off the handle on your side of the door and remove the metal bar. This makes turning the handle on the other side do nothing, effectively making the catch act as a lock, trapping the door closed! One of the best things about this is that by putting the door handle back on without the bar inside makes it almost impossible to tell what you’ve done. Too many times have I kicked my door stop away and watched as my door swings shut; revealing the metal bar lying on the floor just too late for me to catch the door and save myself.

So yea, if you find yourself bored of work and wanting to embrace your inner engineer while also having a bit of fun, now you know where to start!

Science/Arts

I ' v e b e e n thinking about The Lobster for a long time now. I t ’ s a b o u t a

hotel in which any single people are forced to go, and renormalize by entering into a relationship. If they don’t manage to find a soulmate quickly, they are turned into an animal. This

ensuing journey is bizarre, wild and intelligent. It's several weeks on since I last saw it, and I just couldn't make myself write the review. "Not yet", I would say to myself on the street, alarming other pedestrians, "Not yet. You still haven't worked out what it was trying to *say*". On that point, I'm still not sure I have. But what I am sure of is that

The Lobster is a fantastic film, a genuine breath of fresh air in the year's schedule of movies. That's not to say I want more films like this- I honestly think one of them per civilization is probably the recommended dose. It is, however, a film that I wholeheartedly recommend to anyone looking to try something a little different.

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Some art scholars and critics who followed in the Plato tradition in previous centuries felt that laughter was ‘unseemly’, especially when it came to art; the ability to make people laugh, however, lies behind the very art of the Fitzwilliam Museum’s two new sister exhibitions, Ronald Searle: Obsessed with Drawing  and  Cradled in Caricature.

The inspiration behind the exhibitions came from a timeline drawn up by Searle, on the history of graphic satire, which stretches from the reign of James II all the way up to the present day. Searle was particularly taken by the idea of being ‘cradled in caricature’ – the idea that he had been brought up with a need to ‘entertain, irritate, comment, criticise or simply change the world’. The  Cradled in Caricature exhibition, then, provides a brief but comprehensive look at the visual techniques and styles of satire: f rom the s imp le but e f f ec t i ve exaggeration of facial features to hugely detailed landscape scenes, from cutting word-play to wordless comic strips, the collection showcases the highlights of satire in the past few centuries. Moreover, it fantastically

complements the  Obsessed with Drawing  exhibit by illustrating the very works of satire that surrounded and shaped Searle in his career.

The Searle exhibition, however, really does steal the show – and rightly so. Ronald Searle is perhaps most recognised for his creation of the hilarious  St Trinian’s School  cartoon series, which was based on his sister’s schoo l in Cambr idge , but the Obsessed with Drawing  illuminates the full range of his work. Arranged in a roughly chronological order around the Fitzwilliam’s Shiba Gallery, it’s fascinating to walk around the room and get a grasp of the span of his wildly varied career of which  St Trinian’s formed only a part.

One particular highlight of the exhibition was seeing how Searle’s Cambridge upbringing finds itself in some of his more light-hearted pieces. As a teenager, Searle was said to have ‘haunted’ the museums of Cambridge, including the Fitzwilliam, and as his work developed he became more and more

interested in not just the art hanging on the wall, but life around the museum itself, with my favourite piece on show being ‘Cat lecturing in a gallery’, that combines silly humour with Searle’s signature scratchy ink sketches of cats.

Something that you don’t often find in galleries is being able to see the work that goes on behind an artist’s finished pieces; this exhibition, however, has an example of just one of the many folders of photos that Searle kept as a visual database of source images for his work, taking pictures of everything and anything, including stairs, corks and even washing lines, which would then be catalogued and marked with what camera lens and film had been used.

This kind of meticulous work, together with the sheer range and length of his career, illustrates the very reason why t h e e x h i b i t i o n i s s o a p t l y titled:  Obsessed with Drawing. The exhibition provides a rich insight into the evolution of Searle’s styles, his prolific career, and his wonderful wit, offering something which not many museums can boast – an exhibition guaranteed a giggle.

Before I start getting too harsh on Spectre, I will say a few things in its defence. There was no point in which I was ever bored, and in a film clocking in at around 148 minutes which mostly revolves around shooting in different set-pieces, this is not a small achievement. Sam Mendes has again crafted a beautiful piece of cinema, w i th e ver y locat ion ooz ing wi th atmosphere and excitement. He offers a real variation as well, which contributes to keeping the film as engaging as it is. A personal favourite of mine was the time spent on a luxury train in Morocco, which stages one of the most thrilling fights in

the whole movie. To reiterate, this film is not a boring one.

What it is, however, is derivative and underwhelming. Well, yes, I hear you say, it’s a James Bond film. It’s popcorn fun, not high-concept indie drama. The thing is, I wou ld ha ve had broad l y the same experience had I simply watched my Skyfall DVD, and when I’m going to the increasingly-expensive institution of the cinema, that is really not a good way to treat your audience. It’s a perfectly adequate piece of cinema, and quite thrilling in its own way, but none of the potential quite makes it to where the

director wants it to be- except from the visuals and action. The threat of the SPECTRE organisation doesn’t reach the threat alluded to in the build up, and the big reveal at the end feels empty and barely foreshadowed. Anyone who has ever seen Sherlock knows exactly what is going to happen in the M vs C debate, and the point about drones and surveillance is never fully explored which just makes it seem like a lazy attempt to be in tune with current affairs. In a post-Skyfall-world, or perhaps more recently in a post-Mad Max: Fury Road world, audiences have come to expect more from their action movies.

Film Review 2: Spectre Sam Mendes should stick to Freshers’ Plays, says Sam Hobson.

It will have you in Fitz Abigail Scruby explores the Fitzwilliam’s two cartoon exhibitions.

Arts

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A load of mugs Think mugs are for drinks? Fanny Dedenbach wants you to think again.

As a departure gift for university, my mom made me a lovely handwritten recipe book with my favourite dishes, after hearing that there are no hobs, I got a mug cake book as well. As the name suggests, mug cakes are small dishes made in a mug in the microwave. For the Dodo a few friends and I decided to make a three-course mug cake meal and rate the cakes.

STARTER: Quiche Mix: 1 egg 2 tbsp of cottage cheese with salt, pepper and paprika Bacon (or anything you like in your quiche) 5 tbsp of flour and ½ tsp of baking powder Bake in microwave for about 2 minute

REVIEWS: ‘better than the pizza’ ‘I love it’ MAIN: Pizza Mix 2 tbsp cottage cheese 1 yolk 2 tbsp olive oil and 2 tbsp water Salt, pepper, paprika and herbs 5 tbsp flour ½ tsp baking powder 2 - 3 small tomatoes and whatever you like in your pizza add mozzarella on top Bake in microwave for about 2 minutes

REVIEW: ‘Very cheesy, I love it!’ ‘7 stars out of 5’ ‘Surprisingly edible’

DESERT: Cheesecake Crumble 20g of rusk

Add 1 tbsp of butter Bake in microwave for 1 minute Add (and don’t mix with previous ingredients!) 1 egg 100g of cream cheese 3 tbsp sugar Bake for 1 minute in microwave, take out and stir, bake for another minute

REVIEW: ‘Too much egg’ ‘Really good’ ‘The best mug cake so far’

So good they are to die for... or in Misha's case, to kill for.

Just because we are students, I refuse to believe that we have to limit ourselves to microwave meals, toast and toasties, unless you are of course a Peterhouse Fresher. Therefore, I have delved into my personal cook book in order to find two of the best meals which can be made for less than £1 per serving.

Pea and Parmesan Soup This is one of my favourites and is very quick and simple to make as a winter warmer. It can be made more indulgent with bit of crème fraiche and cubes of pancetta.

Serves 4 £0.90 per serving

Ingredients: 350g pasta 1tbsp olive oil 2 garlic cloves 400g frozen or tinned peas Small handful of basil 1 lemon, zest and juice 6tbsp of Parmesan plus more to serve

Method 1. Cook the pasta to your taste.

2. Heat oil in a pan and cook garlic for 1 min. Stir in the peas and cook them. Take them out and lightly mash them.

3. Return them to the heat and stir in the zest, lemon juice and Parmesan. Season.

4. Drain the pasta and add to the pan. Toss everything together and sprinkle Parmesan on top to serve.

Fishcakes Great if you have a little more time to cook. Fish is so versatile and can come very cheap indeed, just have a look around Sainsbury's - lemon sole, pollock and cod are all very good for this sort of thing.

Serves 4 Between £0.78 to £0.98 per serving depending on the fish

Ingredients 225g potatoes 40g of butter 1 onion

3 tbsp of chopped parsley 1 lemon, zest and juice 375g of your chosen fish, chopped into small pieces 2tbsp olive oil

Method 1. Boil potatoes until soft in a

pan, drain and return to pan to get rid of excess moisture. Mash them up.

2. Melt butter in a pan and lightly fry the onions until just softened.

3. Add the fish. When cooked, add the potatoes and everything else until combined.

4. Season the mixture, form it into small circles and fry 3/4 minutes on each side.

If you do not trust me with your gastric intake, then a quick search online revealed that there a couple of websites with the same idea. Take a look below: http://www.studentcook.co.uk/mealsforapound.html http://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/recipes/pictures/28971/50-recipes-under-1-per-head

Very very good and very very cheap… £1 Fish(cakes) If you don’t recognise the title, type ‘One Pound Fish’ into YouTube. Your life will be richer for it.

Oh but first read this article from Tim Adelani. It might also make you richer…

Cookery

!16

Christmas Bingo Stevie Collister-Hertz and Julian Sutcliffe are back with their traditional Bingo card, this time

with a festive flavour. (Oh and apparently Jonny Fry needs some credit too.)

Mistletoe in the Plodge

Hyperglycaemic coma from mince

piesLove Actually

“I don’t even know my secret

santa”

Vomit outside hall after superhall

Tiny Tim “But it’s only November”

Peterhouse on University Challenge

Off key carolsPheasant for Christmas

dinner

Dmitry (in a santa hat) Mulled port Reindeer Park

The ghost of port evenings

past

Instagram of snow in old

court

Gold Frankincense MyrrhNovelty bow

tiesMr Mead being

festive

The Dean drunk“Last year, I had

37” Port Christmas tweedHomemade

knitwear

Sport It seems we have neglected the Sports section again.

Sports news in two (short) paragraphs:

The Women’s rowing team crashed out of a race the other day having either lost their rudder halfway through or having forgotten ever to install it.

Women’s football are doing surprisingly well. Congratulations Alicia!

Games