ISSN 1179-5158

PānuiOfficial Journal of the Celebrants’ Association of New Zealand | Tangata Kai Ārahi te Ture o Aotearoa

Volume XI, Issue 1 | Autumn 2020

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“Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature’s peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.”

– John Muir

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In this issue: President’s pen ....................................................... 4

An update from BDM – looking at 2020 ....... 7

Q&A time in Parliament ....................................... 8

Is 2020 the year of perfect vision for celebrants? ............................................................... 9

Musings from the editor ...................................10

Reflecting on reflection – getting to grips with VCANZ ...........................................................11

A week in the life of a grieving celebrant ...12

Thoughts on supervision for celebrants .....14

The importance of training ..............................16

Celebrants’ corner ...............................................17

Members’ directory .............................................19

Exit this way ...........................................................19

Pānui (ISSN 1179-5158) is published quarterly by the Celebrants' Association of New Zealand (Inc) / Te Kāhui Ārahi Ritenga o Aotearoa and is available online through the members’ area of the CANZ website.

Previous issues are also digitally archived in the serials collection of the National Library of New Zealand. Unsolicited articles and letters to the Editor are welcome but may be edited or abridged as needed.

The opinions expressed by contributors do not necessarily reflect those of the Association or its Executive. The inclusion of paid advertising does not constitute an endorsement by CANZ of ad-vertised goods or services. While every care is taken to ensure the safety of links, CANZ cannot accept responsibility for any material hosted on third-party websites. Except where expressly attributed to others, all contents are copyright ©2018 by CANZ, PO Box 27192, Marion Square, Wellington 6141, New Zealand.

Executive Branch LiaisonDianne Troup, President, Auckland/Bay of Plenty/Northland Marg Palmer, Top of South Jann Hook, Canterbury Paula McGill, Southern Lianne Fraser, Waikato/Members at Large/ East Coast Rachel Clarke, Wellington/Manawatu Kesh Gilmour, Taranaki

Support servicesYour VA – support@celebrantsassociation.co.nz

Sue Balcomb, Events and Marketing – events@celebrantsassociation.co.nz

Karin de la Rey, Panui Editor – Panui@celebrantsassociation.co.nz

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CANZ WaiataNgā Taonga Tuku Iho Piki ake ki te rangi

Ki Nga Kete Wananga

Rapu ai nga taonga

I tuku iho o nga tūpuna

Ka rere tō ngakau

Kawea ai te inoi

Ki te rangi o nga tūpuna

Haumie hui e taiki e

Nga Taonga Tuku Iho

Treasures passed down

Climb to the heavens

To the “Baskets of Knowledge”

Seek the treasures (of the Baskets)

Passed down by our ancestors

Let your heart fly

To carry the prayer

To the heavens of our ancestors

Come together, unite!

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Volume XI, Issue 1 | Autumn 2020

GUIDECELEBRANTMY

Building on the phenomenalsuccess of My Wedding Guide,

My Celebrant Guide extends thereach of New Zealand Celebrants by

showcasing their many other services.

mcg.nz/BeSeen

be seenBe where you can

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Pānui | Official Journal of the Celebrants’ Association of New Zealand | Te Kāhui Ārahi Ritenga o Aotearoa

I hope this Pãnui newsletter finds everyone well engaged in the new year and all that it brings.

As you will all know at the end of last year, we “early exited” the CANZ/FDANZ agreement that saw us sharing an Executive Officer (David Moger) and a national office with the Funeral Directors Association

of New Zealand (FDANZ). The CANZ National Executive have been busy over the summer establishing a new regime that we feel supports our organisation well and I will explain.

For several years now CANZ have used the services of YourVA and many of you will have had first hand contact with Claire who handles the bulk of our membership and administration requirements.

We have always found Claire to be 120 percent committed and efficient in her role, and because of this successful relationship we entered into discussions with YourVA owner Justine Parsons – this meeting was very advantageous.

Through YourVA we now have Claire continuing in her role but supported by finance guru Hazel who will be handling day-to-day and end-of-year financial matters while working closely with our accountants Sexton Business Builders.

“Our deeds still travel with us from afar; and what we have been makes us what we are.” – George Eliot

Sue Balcomb has picked up the Conference Coordinator’s role from Linda at FDANZ and she is continuing to work with the Wellington committee to ensure Conference 2020 is a huge success.

Justine Parsons has assigned the marketing role to herself. We want to see CANZ as the “go to” when people need a celebrant and within days, Justine had started implementing a comprehensive, inexpensive and broad-ranging plan. A lot of strategic work has gone in to set the foundations for achieving our goals, and thanks to a fabulous response to our recent members survey we have some great insights and feedback we can use for content (as well as finding more ways to increase the value of your membership).

I am feeling more positive about our direction moving forward than I have in a while and things are really happening. Sadly, we are losing three people from the National Executive team this year, so please give this role some thought. If you have skills and experience in the areas of finance, event management or technology … have we got the job for you!

I will also take this opportunity to clarify the intent of BDM’s Review of the Celebrant Appointment Process as many people have commented that it is simply a way for BDM to reduce/cull the number of celebrants.

President’s pen

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Volume XI, Issue 1 | Autumn 2020

I know Hospice have been recording people’s stories for years and I know some celebrants who are making the collection and recording of life stories part of their repertoire, and I would like to say how useful it was to me. It enabled me to write the eulogy, much of it flavoured, and I might add “coloured” with his own words as well as meeting the family with an almost completed script for the service, to which we added their personal musings and emotions and reminiscences. I mention it here simply because this is an opportunity for celebrants to expand their roles into an area that really adds value for the client and for us as celebrants.

And in closing it is with regret that, due to COVID-19, I have to announce the cancellation of the 2020 CANZ Conference.

Kia kaha Dianne Troup CANZ President

president@celebrantsassociation.co.nz

In summaryCompleted list • Marketing Strategy 2020

• Marketing Action Plan

• Content and Social Media Calendar

• We are now on LinkedIn as a company page and on Instagram

To-Do list • Create a downloadable guide we’ll use to attract enquiries for ceremonies

• Create a process to help members convert more enquiries into clients

• Update our My Wedding Guide directory listings

• Work on partnership marketing

• SEO (search engine optimisation) improvement

• Create a CANZ social media policy which we can share with members. This would include:

- ‘best practice’ guidelines for members to improve their own marketing i.e. LinkedIn

- how to tag CANZ in your own posts

- ethics around posts

- who to contact with questions

- examples of what to post

- engaging with CANZ content

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As we all know there have always been concerns voiced from celebrants around a variety of aspects of the appointment process and Jeff has received a plethora of ideas and suggestions over the years, many of them completely contradictory. Via the survey, he has been able to harvest the views of a good cross-section of celebrants (over 900) and they are currently being collated to get an idea of what the general consensus is and if a clear directive makes itself obvious. The results of the survey will be announced later in the year.

And finally, I just want to share an experience I had recently around the potentially stressful preparation of a funeral service and an opportunity for celebrants.

An old chap, actually a very old chap, that I know, died recently and I was asked to officiate his funeral. I had known him for years through various community groups; you all know him … he’s that lovely old guy who turns up to everything, helps wherever he can, always positive, with a twinkle in his eye, and thoroughly loveable. A truly contributing member of his community.

His family all reside overseas and for various reasons, including convoluted travel plans, they would not be able to meet with me until the evening before the funeral. I knew Ian’s life had been full and busy, and I started to worry that I wouldn’t have time to do him justice – I would be up until the wee smalls writing after I had met with the family, and, of course, there would be very little time for them to see the draft and check its accuracy before the 2 pm funeral. But then they sent me an electronic copy of a booklet that he had had written about his life.

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Pānui | Official Journal of the Celebrants’ Association of New Zealand | Te Kāhui Ārahi Ritenga o Aotearoa

DIPLOMA IN CELEBRANCY We are proud to offer this course to current celebrants wanting to upgrade their skills

or for those interested in becoming a celebrant. AUCKLAND 2020 MODULE 1 Plan conduct and review a marriage ceremony Marriage Law and Ceremony Dates 15-16 FEB | 25-26 APRILMODULE 2 Ceremonial Writing/Business skills and marketing Dates 7-8 MARCH | 9-10 MAYMODULE 3 Funerals: Plan, Crate, Conduct and Review a Funeral Dates 2-3 MAY | 11-12 JULY

CHRISTCHURCH 2020 MODULE 1 Plan conduct and review a marriage ceremony Marriage Law and Ceremony Dates 15-16 FEB | 18-19 APRILMODULE 2 Ceremonial Writing/Business skills and marketing Dates 7-8 MARCH | 13-14 JUNEMODULE 3 Funerals: Plan, Crate, Conduct and Review a Funeral Dates 16-17 MAY

TAURANGA 2020 MODULE 1 Plan conduct and review a marriage ceremony Marriage Law and Ceremony Dates 21-22 MAR | 30-31 MAYMODULE 2 Ceremonial Writing/Business skills and marketing Dates MODULE 3 Funerals: Plan, Crate, Conduct and Review a Funeral Dates 4-5 JULY

WELLINGTON 2020 MODULE 1 Plan conduct and review a marriage ceremony Marriage Law and Ceremony Dates 4-5 APRMODULE 2 Ceremonial Writing/Business skills and marketing Dates 6-7 JUNEMODULE 3 Funerals: Plan, Crate, Conduct and Review a Funeral Dates 11-12 JULY

TRAINERS – Wendy Barton, Jane Godfrey, Sarah Gnad and Elizabeth Bennett • COST - $695.00 PER MODULE (includes morning tea and lunch)• Comprehensive manuals and workbooks will be provided for each topic.• Students complete course work on our online system - CANVAS• Full support will be provided including access to a closed student Facebook group• Students who complete Modules 1 and 2, and complete the online assignments, will attain a

Certificate of Celebrancy• Students who complete Module 3, and complete the online assignments, will attain a

Certificate of Funeral Celebrancy• Students who complete Modules 1, 2 & 3, and complete the online assignments, will attain a

Diploma of Celebrancy

For more information call Wendy Barton on 027 350 2918 - wendy@celebranttraining.co.nz The Celebrants Training College has been training celebrants internationally since 2003.

http://www.celebranttraining.co.nz/

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Volume XI, Issue 1 | Autumn 2020

An update from BDM – looking at 2020What’s happening with registry celebrants in 2020?It’s been a busy 18 months for the Celebrants Association and the Births, Deaths and Marriages team with the roll out of the Validated CANZ Member designation and VCANZ designated celebrants taking over the simple ceremony format from the former Court Registry Offices.

At the time of preparing this article, we now have 95 registry celebrants. The location of current celebrants is shown on the map below.

For 2020, we plan to improve the coverage of registry celebrants across New Zealand, specifically in Auckland, Manukau and Christchurch as changes are afoot that are likely to see the transition from DIA-Registrar to VCANZ-celebrant officiants for marriage ceremonies all around New Zealand.

Auckland and Manukau are looking promising, but currently this will be more challenging for Christchurch, where our nearest VCANZ-designated registry celebrant is 140 km away from the CBD – at the moment that’s taking your pick between Jo Taylor and Jade Kyles, both near Timaru.

We’d also like to have some registry celebrants to support communities around Gisborne and the West Coast of the South Island.

We can’t confirm specific details for the timing of changes, but you can expect an announcement at the CANZ National Conference in May 2020.

Celebrants’ review: the celebrant survey We received 1704 responses to the survey we sent to celebrants in December 2019 and over 12,000 individual comments on questions. We were encouraged to see interest in the questionnaire, with a strong turn out and quick responses from many celebrants (not surprising as celebrants tend to be very well-organised people!).

We are now analysing the results but here’s a sneak peek at what we’ve seen so far.

• Of 1704 responses received to the questionnaire, 487 came from CANZ members with 114 indicating they hold a VCANZ designation.

• Responses to questions that concern the current application and renewal process were found to be fairly consistent between CANZ members and the wider celebrant community. Generally, respondents feel the current process works well, with a smaller proportion suggesting parts of the application process could be more rigorous.

• Differences of opinion are more evident with regard to the total number of celebrants and the topic of compulsory training. When compared to non-members, CANZ members are generally more strongly in favour of compulsory training and limiting the numbers of celebrants. Those with the VCANZ designation generally support this further still.

• Regardless of affiliation with CANZ, celebrants who have been in the role longer tend to be more strongly in favour of limiting the total number of celebrants, while newly appointed celebrants feel there is a greater need for celebrants in their area.

Ngā Mihi, Vaughan Miller

Service Delivery and Operations | Kāwai ki te Iwi The Department of Internal Affairs Te Tari Taiwhenua

A brief history of our journey until the present dayLegislative changes in 2018 meant the end-to-end process to apply for a marriage licence could be done more easily online. As a result, the need to visit a registry office was removed and numbers visiting court-house sites dropped.

From 1 July 2019 to January 2020, full registry office marriage services were only provided at the Department of Internal Affairs’ offices located in Auckland, Manukau, Wellington and Christchurch.

Outside these areas, couples could have a ceremony with a VCANZ-designated celebrant approved to perform a registry ceremony at a place agreed between the celebrant and the couple. You’ll find the official list of celebrants here: https://marriages.services.govt.nz

Thanks to the strong growth and positive support of VCANZ-designated members the VCANZ-celebrant-led option has now been extended to Wellington, and since 30 January 2020, all registry ceremonies in the Wellington region are done this way.

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Pānui | Official Journal of the Celebrants’ Association of New Zealand | Te Kāhui Ārahi Ritenga o Aotearoa

Q&A time in ParliamentNational MP Chris Bishop has directed written questions regarding the celebrant review to Internal Affairs Minister Hon Tracey Martin. Following find her written answers to these written questions as directly quoted from the New Zealand Parliament website.

CB: “Is it correct, as reported by Radio NZ, that a ‘review of the marriage celebrant process is underway in a bid to reduce the number of celebrants’, if so, what form will the review take?”

Hon TM: “There is a review of the renewal and appointment processes of Marriage celebrants underway. However, the reasons are broader than the question suggests. I refer the member to my response to *written question 1278 (2020) for the reasons for the review. “The Registrar-General is undertaking a review of the appointment and renewal process for celebrants, and related areas within the Registrar-General’s duties and powers conferred on him by Parliament under the Marriage Act 1955 and Civil Union Act 2003. “The review is limited to the processes in place to give effect to the current legislation, and will include celebrant numbers, and operational policies for appointing and renewing celebrants, including methods assessing that a celebrant meets the statutory criteria.”

CB: “Is it correct, as reported by Radio NZ, that a ‘review of the marriage celebrant process is underway in a bid to reduce the number of celebrants’, if so, when is the review expected to finish?”

Hon TM: “There is a review of the renewal and appointment processes of marriage celebrants underway. However, the reasons are broader than the question suggests. I refer the member to my response to *written question 1278 (2020) for the reasons for the review. “I am advised that the review is expected to be completed in May 2020.”

CB: “Is it correct, as reported by Radio NZ, that a “review of the marriage celebrant process is underway in a bid to reduce the number of celebrants”, if so, when did this review commence?”

Hon TM: “There is a review of the renewal and appointment processes of marriage celebrants underway. However, the reasons are broader than the question suggests. I refer the member to my response to *written question 1278 (2020) for the reasons for the review. “Work began on the review in October 2019.”

CB: “Is it correct, as reported by Radio NZ, that a “review of the marriage celebrant process is underway in a bid to reduce the number of celebrants”, if so, what papers, if any, has she received relating to this review?”

Hon TM: “There is a review of the renewal and appointment processes of marriage celebrants underway. However, the reasons are broader than the question suggests. I refer the member to my response to *written question 1278 (2020) for the reasons for the review. “I received a report on the review in the Internal Affairs Status Report (12 November 2019).”

CB: “Is it correct, as reported by Radio NZ, that a “review of the marriage celebrant process is underway in a bid to reduce the number of celebrants”, if so, what correspondence, if any, has she received relating to this review?”

Hon TM: “There is a review of the renewal and appointment processes of marriage celebrants underway. However, the reasons are broader than the question suggests. I refer the member to my response to *written question 1278 (2020) for the reasons for the review. “I received one letter dated 22 September 2019. It outlined the correspondent’s concerns with the current process for appointing marriage celebrants.”

*CB: “Is it correct, as reported by Radio NZ, that a “review of the marriage celebrant process is underway in a bid to reduce the number of celebrants”, if so, why?”

Hon TM: “There is a review of the renewal and appointment processes of marriage celebrants underway. However, the reasons are broader than the question suggests. I am advised by the Registrar-General that his decision to review the renewal and appointment processes he oversees took into account that:

(i) Independent Marriage celebrant numbers have been increasing, while at the same time other types of celebrants have seen a decrease.

(ii) Substantial changes had been made to other areas of marriages.

(iii) Celebrants had raised with him a range of (sometimes very different and conflicting) concerns relating to:

a. Increasing numbers of celebrants

b. Quality of some ceremonies

c. Desirability of increasing professionalism (from some) and a sustainable income stream

d. The desire from others to provide a small-scale and free service to their communities and not be required to outlay substantial time and cost

e. A concern that too many celebrants were being appointed

f. A concern that the Registrar-General would not reappoint a celebrant if they had not married or united anyone in that year.”

Editor’s note: *Written question 1278 (2020) refers to the last written answer supplied by Hon Tracey Martin. Information shared as advised by Registrar-General Jeff Montgomery.

Source: Office of the Clerk

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Volume XI, Issue 1 | Autumn 2020

Our ceremony review service now available for all celebrantsWe are delighted to announce our long-awaited Ceremony Review Service. This enables you to see your ceremony through the eyes of another practising celebrant. Having read hundreds of ceremonies, we

understand how to balance the purpose of the ceremony, the clients’ wishes, your voice, and any logistical demands of the situation. We encourage creative thinking. Our process has been honed over the years and many past students will attest to the learning that arises from specific, direct, honest and appropriate feedback. This new Ceremony Review service is available to all CANZ members, not only those who have trained with The Celebrant School. Kirsty Salisbury, who was among the first to take up this offer says: “Having a review helped me ensure there was continuity in my ceremony, that I had checked all the boxes, and it was well-suited to the family I had written it for. Knowing it was sound helped me to deliver it confidently and to trust my writing skills.”

This adds to our portfolio of Support Services found here: https://www.celebrant.school.nz/support-services

Training OpportunitiesThe Celebrant School – Te Wānanga Korowai Aroha - is New Zealand’s own celebrant-specific training provider, offering experiential learning and nearly 25 years of leadership to the celebrancy profession both here and overseas. Our core qualifications are the Certificate and the Diploma in Celebrant Studies. We also offer a range of Support Services for professional celebrants throughout their careers https://www.celebrant.school.nz/support-services

Check out: www.celebrant.school.nz for upcoming training opportunities in Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch, including a new Marriage and Civil Union offer.

Will we achieve 20:20 vision in 2020?To achieve the sort of vision that lives up to the term 2020 would be ideal. We can but hope this year delivers greater clarity for us all about how we proceed in our lives and work. If you want to keep in touch, LIKE our Facebook or Instagram page. Graduates, share your stories, opinions, and cross-referrals on our Facebook Grad Forum.

Ngā mihi Kathrine Fraser Director, The Celebrant School

Is 2020 the year of perfect vision for celebrants?What would 20:20 perfect vision mean for us in the celebrant world? Could we see into the lives of those we work with and so be able to craft better ceremonies for them? Would we glimpse a sure future for a fledgling profession that has had to weather some very disruptive changes early in its establishment? Might society more fully embrace the possibilities that arise when people connect at a deep level through ceremony and ritual? These have been my contemplations for this new year, but now - what’s on the horizon.

DIA ConsultationA big tick to DIA for responding to the early confusion being created by the term “Registry-style” ceremonies on their website. They quickly reverted to Registry Ceremonies vs Personalised Ceremonies – although these terms are not ideal and the impression is created that there is only a choice between two equally popular contenders. The marriage celebrants among us have a task to convey to the public that there are a range of possibilities for their ceremonies, and that their celebrant can fully explain these.

TCS graduation and reunion dinner

Unfortunately, this event has been postponed due to COVID-19. The Celebrant School will be contacting all graduates.

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Pānui | Official Journal of the Celebrants’ Association of New Zealand | Te Kāhui Ārahi Ritenga o Aotearoa

As a celebrant, were you ‘wise in your ways of garnering and keeping’? Have you stayed true to yourself during this process – protecting yourself from the negative and basking in the positive while reflecting on your ceremonies, on life and human behaviour?

Musings from the editor

Do you recall a carefree moment from your childhood? A joyful moment that was infused with hope and wonder? Perhaps it was in Autumn when fallen leaves were gathered, only to be thrown into the air, hearing the crunch underfoot and laughing out loud. When was the last time you had been flat on your back watching leaves quietly floating in the breeze landing on your body with the blue sky peaking down through bare branches from above? Give permission to yourself to celebrate your life with the abundance it so well deserves.

Let Autumn be not only your playful season but also your season of appreciation and awareness – to recognise the beauty in the mosaic of colours that surrounds you every day.

– Karin de la Rey VCANZ Editor

Pānui@celebrantsassociation.co.nz

Autumn is harvesting time on more than one level as we strive to make burdens lighter for others. We harvest what we have sowed over previous seasons; trees and vines that have been laden with fruit are being released from their weight by the fruit pickers. As celebrants, we have experienced the highs and lows of our busiest seasons of commitment; families’ see-sawing emotions

of intense grief and utter calm; delightful moments of baby naming ceremonies and focused moments of house blessings. No matter the role we play, we give everyone our wholehearted support and focus our energy on our clients.

This season may be the perfect time to take stock and to look after ourselves. If we don’t give ourselves permission to be still, identify and purge that which could be detrimental to ourselves we might become overcritical of others or sick or just plain miserable. We owe it to ourselves as celebrants to love and nurture ourselves too.

“Autumn asks that we prepare for the future – that we be wise in the ways of garnering and keeping. But it also asks that we learn to let go – to acknowledge the beauty of sparseness.”

Bonaro W Overstreet

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Volume XI, Issue 1 | Autumn 2020

Having taken a number of VCANZ workshops recently in Wellington, I wanted to take the opportunity to give further insight into the process of reflection, which will allow you to successfully submit your VCANZ application.

My learnings about self-reflection came about through my years nursing. As you likely know, in order to uphold the integrity of the profession and maintain public confidence, nurses

(much like teachers and other forward-facing professions) are required to demonstrate professional competence through ongoing professional development. Competence can be demonstrated in a number of ways – through the application of existing skills and knowledge to practice; through learning new skills; and through the application of advanced skills and learning to practice. All are context driven as each patient and clinical situation is different and so too is the application of care for each patient and their family/whanau. Nursing is a practical, demanding and busy occupation. Taking the time to reflect on practice and the unique context of each patient encounter enables insights into challenges, learnings and growth that can enhance professional practice and competence.

Celebrancy too is about working with people across unique and diverse contexts. And the practice of celebrancy, I believe, is the art of using oneself as an individual – embodying all of one’s life experience, learnings and skills – to create a meaningful ceremony with, and for others across, those diverse contexts. VCANZ asks us to reflect on how we do this. For many people, self-reflection is a new skill and a bit like taking up yoga or meditation it stretches different muscles. It takes time and space to think about or reflect on our input into a ceremony and this may require a conscious shifting of gears and a new mind set. However, a bit like yoga or meditation, once practised it is hugely beneficial.

For those of you who haven’t flexed your reflective muscle in a while, lets remind ourselves of what reflection, or indeed self-reflection involves and how we might go about it. Google describes the synonyms for ‘reflection’ as ‘thoughts, thinking, consideration, contemplation or study’. Reflection then, is the process of contemplating or giving serious consideration to an issue, event or action and by doing so, allowing thoughts to surface through this focussed attention. It is asking us to view our practice using the ‘lens’ of reflection.

And so, in reflecting on practice, we might ask ourselves some thoughtful questions – what was my experience, what did I contribute, what did I learn? We can also listen to our own internal conversations or chatter and see what surfaces; perhaps you might explore your sense of disquiet or discomfort which may surface during the work with clients or taking a ceremony. Such feelings may arise when a belief or assumption is challenged or when our own emotions arising from personal experience are triggered and brought to the surface – for example, grief can be re-activated through working with someone else’s loss. You might acknowledge when you feel confronted by gender, cultural or other differences. You might ask yourself what went well; or what could I have done better or differently; or what might I change for next time round to enhance the experience for the couple or the family.

At the time I submitted my VCANZ application I had been a celebrant for two years. For me, the process offered an invaluable opportunity to reflect, learn and grow in my celebrant practice. The VCANZ structure provided me with a solid framework vis-à-vis, the ‘Code of Ethics and the 14 competencies contained with the three Bodies of Knowledge (BOKs). I could then link my learnings from practice and education to provide evidence of my ongoing professional development. Being able to use three ceremonies from my training was helpful but the real learning occurred in my first stand-alone ceremonies where I applied my skills and knowledge to creating meaningful ceremonies with, and for my clients.

Whether you are a new celebrant, or one of many years’ experience embarking on your validation journey – remember, this process is meant to stretch you (a bit) and challenge you to grow and learn. Like me and others, you will find it incredibly rewarding. (*Read Jill

Southee’s experience as a VCANZ newby in our

Celebrants’ Corner)

Let me remind you that there is help along the way. There are a number of resources on the CANZ website – I strongly urge you to look at them before you start, in particular, watching the videos; and VCANZ supporters across the country you can reach out to. Remember to stick to the criteria as they are set out. If it asks you to reflect on three of the six criteria, do so. If it asks you to link all 14 of the BOK competencies to your professional development, then do so.

As a little aside, do remember, it is not a test and it is not an essay. You are only required to identify one salient point – the ‘gold nugget’ of learning for each criteria or point you need to cover. In conclusion, I wish you all the best as you flex your reflective muscle and commit to this pathway of professional development recognition in order to achieve your VCANZ.

– Rachel Clarke CANZ Executive Member

Reflecting on reflection – getting to grips with VCANZ

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Pānui | Official Journal of the Celebrants’ Association of New Zealand | Te Kāhui Ārahi Ritenga o Aotearoa

I’ve been a celebrant for a long time – 24 years – and for most of that time, I’ve been a CANZ member. Yes, there are the educational opportunities, the chance to open my mind to new ways of doing things, to refresh and update my skills. For me though, in this solitary profession, it’s being part of the band of celebrants that has sustained me in my membership. It’s hard to

get that across in a survey. Words like ‘support’, ‘collegiality’, even the dreaded ‘networking’ don’t quite describe it.

My older sister Faye died a short time ago, after a difficult year with brain cancer. Her illness has been a terrible time for her, and for our close-knit family. When she died there was that often-described mix of grief, and of relief. There are four of us siblings, and she was the first to go. She has two daughters, and two adult granddaughters.

My sister died on the Saturday evening. The funeral would be held in Dunedin the following Thursday. Grieving, in Wellington, I wanted to reach out and be hugged by everyone I met. Roll up in a duvet in bed, cry, eat chocolate, drink tea, post teary rants on Facebook, gather together with my family, and laugh and cry.

But first, there were some important things to be done. I am a celebrant. I had a wedding booked for the Sunday. I had a funeral booked for the Tuesday. Also on Tuesday, following the funeral, I had promised I would visit a family whose much-loved family member was dying of brain cancer, as my sister had. They asked for my help in planning ahead for her funeral.

There was never a question for me – I was going to fulfill all three obligations. My desire was to be fully present for each commitment, to be the best celebrant I could be. I have a saying, “I’d have to be dead to not turn up at a wedding.” ‘Civilians’ don’t get it. Even close friends said, “Just hand them over to someone else.” This was unthinkable. It reminded me of the ethos that underpins the other major work thread in my life – the theatre. ‘The show must go on’ isn’t just a trite saying. I’ve seen people continue to act in a play with a broken wrist, with terminal illness, with unbearable pain, and through loss of loved ones.

I prepared meticulously for the wedding, which was less than 24 hours after Faye had died. The foggy thought-patterns of ‘grief brain’ are real. I was determined not to forget anything. I checked and double-checked everything. I paid attention to my emotional state. The kind of preparation I would do before a theatre show helped. Yoga breathing has always helped me remain calm and focussed. Practising my ‘lines’ over and over again, visualising the day and how it would unfold. I arrived at the wedding in plenty of time, and immediately felt my ‘celebrancy mantle’ slip around my shoulders. I went to work cheerfully and methodically, and all was well. My favourite moment in a wedding – standing beside the groom and looking up into his face as his bride arrives almost undid me! Gazing out over the guests, their children, their parents, and a recently bereaved brother, also brought emotion. But I breathed, and I calmed my voice. And I continued in my work. The wedding went beautifully well.

The next challenges were ahead – the funeral and the following family appointment. Both families have a connection to me. The funeral was for a woman whose family is connected to my family through my brother. The woman who is dying is in my circle of friendship. I felt out of my depth emotionally, and worried that I would break down. I would need help. I reached out to someone who would really understand – a celebrant.

Winnie Duggan isn’t just an experienced celebrant. She is a counsellor, an educator, and a wise and kind woman. She gave her time to me generously, guiding me through what lay ahead. We talked through the day as it would unfold. She suggested starting with a walk, clearing my mind and soul. She suggested I choose something to hold as a symbol of what I needed – courage. I chose a heart-stone from amongst the many stones I have collected and been given. It was a small heart-shaped gleaming white quartz, and had imbedded in it another tiny heart in a grey-coloured stone. I held the stone as I prepared, and asked it to be my touchstone, to help me find courage and calm as I helped this family through the loss of their sister, daughter and mother. I woke before dawn, and tucked the stone into my bra, next to my heart. I stood and watched the sun rise in a glow of colour, and the little crescent moon hung in its aura, fragile and fading.

A week in the life of a grieving celebrantI’ve just completed the CANZ survey, answering the usual questions about if and why I want to belong, and of course, what the benefits of membership are for me.

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Volume XI, Issue 1 | Autumn 2020

I held the space for these grieving people, touching the stone when I needed to, saying to myself, as Winnie had suggested, “This is my courage”.

Again, as I arrived at the funeral, I could feel that mantle once again wrap around my shoulders. The professional celebrant, present, warm and patient, noticing everything, anticipating everyone’s needs, guiding and supporting. As Winnie had reminded me, I held myself upright. I held the space for these grieving people, touching the stone when I needed to, saying to myself, as Winnie had suggested, “This is my courage”.

After the funeral, as I had promised the family, I stayed with the woman’s body until she was taken away for cremation by the funeral director. I was joined by two family members, who called their karanga to her as she disappeared from our sight.

We rejoined the funeral guests for kai. In a quiet moment, I gave the woman’s sister my touchstone. I told her that my own sister had died, and that this stone of courage had carried me through, and was my gift to her, for the loss of her dear sister. This felt appropriate because of our connection – I did not want her to hear about Faye’s death later. We shared an emotional embrace. Her partner also hugged me, and gave me her own pounamu, a beautiful karanga manu. Then my tears flowed! That felt right too, because now I was there in their embrace as a friend of the family, as someone who could tangi with them, as they could tangi with me.

My next task was finishing off the photo show for Faye’s funeral – this was my contribution to her funeral. I had offered to do this months before, and my nieces were happy to say yes. My experience as a funeral celebrant helped me make a photo show that did Faye proud. I gathered together photos from many sources. It wasn’t too long, and the photos illustrated Faye’s life journey chronologically. I had cropped, straightened and colour-enhanced where needed, and added simple captions.

It had felt odd, in the lead-up to Faye’s death, that the funeral decisions were being made by her daughters. Which of course was the right thing to do. My celebrant brain needed a strong message from myself – shush, Pinky, don’t try and take over! Yes, we celebrants are control freaks, that’s what makes us good at what we do. But there was one piece of advice Faye’s daughters asked me for. Did I know a good celebrant? In case any of you other Dunedin celebrants feel overlooked, don’t be offended, please. As we know, a celebrant needs to be a good match for that particular family. I knew immediately that Lynne Greer was the right person for Faye’s daughters. Yes, she has the experience, and yes, she is a CANZ member, but there’s something about Lynne that I knew they would love. And they did.

Our farewells were heartfelt, and I left the chapel and headed up the beautiful Kapiti Coast for my next challenge – the family meeting. I stopped first for a break in Raumati. The beach was almost deserted on this Tuesday afternoon. The sun was warming the cool sand, and a fine mist was rising up giving a lovely softness to the scene. I hiked up my good funeral dress into my pants, and waded in. Kapiti was on my right and Mana on my left, both sitting in their moana like guardians. I took the pounamu off, and washed her in the sea, asking for her to be with me until it is time to give her to someone else. I felt as warmed by this as if I was the sand being warmed by the sun.

Later, I sat with the dying woman, and then I sat with her family, talking through their priorities, helping them formulate their lists, and make their choices. I left, not feeling drained but rather with the sense of calm and peace that had been with me throughout the day. At a sad time, everyone wants to help. As celebrants, we have a unique way to help people in times of joy and at times of grief. I did not feel that my own grief was forgotten or repressed, but lovingly laid in its own place in my heart, while I attended to what I needed to do.

Returning home, having done my duty, it was time now for me to let people outside my immediate circle know that my sister had died. Thank you, Facebook! No more exhausting phone calls and difficult telling and retelling. I posted some photos and a short message about Faye’s death. Within moments, messages flooded in. It really is true, it really does mean a lot to hear from people at such a sad time. The most beautiful messages came from my celebrant community. Yes, celebrants, you really do have a way with words! But deeper, underpinning it is a profound understanding of what loss means to a person. These messages really did bring comfort.

As I sat at Faye’s funeral, I felt, not the celebrant mantle, but the mantle of grief settle over my shoulders. I held my new pounamu for courage, this time not to hold back my own grief, but to allow it to flow. Lynne held us l as I had held that other family two days before. She was our voice, our calm centre, our courage. She guided us, and supported us with her gentle mana. She honoured my sister with great skill and aroha.

So, CANZ survey, here it is, the answer to your question ‘What are the benefits of membership for me?’ Had I never joined CANZ, this week in my life would have been a very different experience. Being part of CANZ, being a member of this professional body has helped one grieving celebrant beyond measure. By being together, we are all better celebrants, and our profession is better too.

It simply cannot be put into the tiny box you gave me to write in!

– Pinky S Agnew CANZ member

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Pānui | Official Journal of the Celebrants’ Association of New Zealand | Te Kāhui Ārahi Ritenga o Aotearoa

Thoughts on supervision for celebrantsThis article aims to share my thoughts, questions and understandings about supervision for celebrants, how it may assist us in our work therefore providing an even better service to our clients.

Effective supervision and its impact“Supervision might be understood as a partnership in which the focus of practitioners and supervisors is on ethical and effective practice with all clients.” (Kathie Crocket et al, “Supervision and Culture” NZ Journal of Counselling Volume 33 Number 1 2013)

While this quote is aimed at the counselling profession, I believe it is entirely relevant for celebrants and links in to the CANZ Code of Ethics:

Our Code of Ethics (COE) clearly names the importance of keeping “High Standards including ethical standards and standards of cultural respect and sensitivity” (4.2) The COE is also clear of the importance of working in partnership, with participation and protection as part of honouring Te Tiriti O Waitangi.

Supervision assists with understanding yourself and your reactions How do we know we are doing this? In what way are we exploring challenging work experiences, ethical or uncomfortable issues, complaints, compassion fatigue? What happens when you have completed your third funeral in two weeks, with a wedding booked in three days’ time and a message comes through about a sudden death and a request you meet with the family as soon as possible? Or you’re at the rehearsal and the bride asks you to open the ceremony tomorrow with a Karakia because her Koro is no longer able to attend?

It is easy to say yes to all of the above, to get on with the job and keep picking up more and more work and responsibility without stopping and checking: How am I really? Am I working ethically here? Am I truly the best person for this particular ceremony, the appropriate person to say this Karakia – and do I truly know what it means, where it comes from, how every word is pronounced and does the flow of it make sense to the Tangata Whenua present (and past)?

How a supervision session may unfoldAfter the initial session where a contract has been discussed, expectations clearly outlined and boundaries established, the work begins. The early part of the session could involve a check in, and a setting of an agenda – what does the supervisee most want to work with today?

Recent scenarios at supervision sessions1. Unexplained emotions at a funeralA 63-year-old male died after a short illness leaving three adult children and nine grandchildren. They were very clear they wanted a celebration of his life and that it would be a large turnout for his funeral as he was actively involved in the local community. The meeting with the family went well, lots of stories shared and some advice given regarding the speakers. At the service, the speakers had obviously thought carefully about what they wanted to say and practised. It was a beautiful send off and everyone was very pleased about how it went.

The morning of this funeral, the celebrant felt extremely nervous, a great deal more so than usual. She was unsure what the reason was; she went through her normal grounding techniques and began the service being extra aware of her discomfort. When the daughters-in-law stood up with all nine grandchildren and shared their vignettes, the celebrant started to feel very tearful and distressed. It was hard work to remain present and call up the next speaker. Something had triggered her at this point – she wanted to explore this feeling, and work out ways to prevent it happening in the future.

During supervision we explored her nervousness and where this might have come from, looking at personal connections and other possible areas. There was a clear link between the man who had died and the fact that the celebrant’s husband was the same age. The moment the grandchildren stood up, she also recognised one of them was of similar age as her own grandson. These personal connections helped her to see where her distress had come from. Her immediate response following the ceremony had been to feel that she could no longer offer a funeral service option, despite the fact she had provided a very safe and holding space for the family. During supervision the positive side of her work was discussed, and a good conversation around parallel processes and countertransference issues talked through with suggested readings around this. This enabled the celebrant to recognise a very normal process had occurred for her, and how she could support herself in the future when similar feelings arose.

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Volume XI, Issue 1 | Autumn 2020

Working with a supervisor on a regular basis can help to keep us on track, work with ethical dilemmas, and check in on both personal and professional wellbeing. Someone who is trained in supervision understands the need for a clear contract, what their job is and the boundaries of the role. A supervision session may involve a de-brief from a particularly difficult ceremony or meeting with a family, a discussion around cultural safety, some information sharing about new resources or training opportunities and anything else that is appropriate.

The relationship between supervisor and supervisee is of paramount importance so taking your time to meet someone, understand their way of working, their background and experience is going to make a big difference in what you are prepared to take to your sessions. To make the most of this work, being prepared to show vulnerability, hold uncomfortable conversations and share your mistakes is going to help with growth and more effective ways of working. I hope the world of supervision continues to grow for celebrants as we recognise the support it offers as well as the potential for our own growth and development within this extremely helpful professional process.

– Josie Scott VCANZ Supervisor

2. Feelings of stress before a marriage ceremony

While weddings are happy occasions, they too are not without stress and issues can arise that are also useful to discuss in supervision.

At a recent wedding I conducted, the couple said they did not want a rehearsal. While this is not unusual for a small wedding, I was very aware there were 200 guests expected, a large wedding party and several children involved. The bride had said, “I just want it all to flow organically”, which made me feel extremely nervous. I took this to my supervisor and we discussed options. I knew it was not about cost as I do not charge for rehearsals, so my supervisor suggested I go back to the bride and offer her a Skype session to talk through some logistics. Of course, you may say, “Well, I’d have thought to do that anyway, why would we need a supervisor to think of something so obvious?” Sometimes I find it’s the most obvious things that get forgotten when worries build up … needless to say, the Skype session was very helpful and the wedding went off without a hitch!

Find your safe placeTo close a supervision session, it can be very helpful to reflect on any concerns about future work, and also good work that has been done since the previous session helping to build resilience for those unexpected moments that we all experience at times! From the wind taking the Marriage Licence away, to babies crying all through a ceremony and observing family conflict, we are working constantly with the unexpected. This can bring feelings of anxiety, nervousness and uncertainty into our working lives and supervision is a very helpful space to explore all of these issues and more.

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Pānui | Official Journal of the Celebrants’ Association of New Zealand | Te Kāhui Ārahi Ritenga o Aotearoa

The importance of trainingThe cycle of Life, Love and Loss is ever present, and as celebrants we hold a pivotal role in how the people of our Aotearoa community experience the milestone events in their lives that they wish to acknowledge, celebrate, or sometimes must endure.

At The Celebrants Training College we teach you the relevant, practical and professional skills you will need at the ‘coal face’ of celebrant work, so that day one on the job you are above the benchmark.

“I just wanted to let you know that yesterday I had the privilege of conducting a beautiful wedding. Thanks to your wonderful training I felt calm, confident and well prepared…Many thanks.” Kaye McKenzie

The college is a New Zealand entity, with a staff of four highly experienced New Zealand trainers, who repeatedly bring their own skills in celebrancy, education and business to the table for curriculum reviews. You will love our up-to-date and comprehensive manuals that you will refer to time and time again. I guarantee that you will put our Marriage Law and Celebrant Practice manual, which has been updated yet again recently, (in collaboration with BDM) beside your computer/phone – all the answers at your fingertips.

Our curriculum is constantly being revised and improved, with focus on the student experience. The emphasis at the college is very much the WHAT and HOW when it comes to being a celebrant. What documents will you need, how will you approach x, y and z, what might you need to do to be successful …? The underlying WHY we let you figure out for yourself. You all come to celebrancy from a unique angle. We encourage you to take the tools and skills we teach and go out there and be the best version of you. Be yourself – find your niche.

“Thank you again for all your support and guidance. You really were amazing. Your feedback was so helpful and so prompt. You were very encouraging and positive. I couldn’t have asked for more. I have been very impressed with the quality and rigour of The Celebrants Training College programme. I feel it has prepared me very well!” Diane Pipe

The Celebrants Training College might just be the training experience you’re looking for.

Ka kite Jane Godfrey Trainer

From left: Elizabeth Bennett, Wendy Barton, CEO Sally Cant, Sarah Gnad, Jane Godfrey.

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Volume XI, Issue 1 | Autumn 2020

Celebrants’ corner Sharing ideas, achievements, experiences, challenges and laughter from around Aotearoa.

Late last year, I attended a VCANZ Information Evening Workshop in Island Bay, Wellington led by Rachel Clarke.

Prior to attending the workshop, I felt tentative about whether I wanted to proceed with the application to be a VCANZ celebrant. Being a celebrant for less than one

year, I had done no weddings and wondered if I had enough other celebrancy experience to complete the application process and also, whether I wanted to offer myself to officiate at registry weddings.

The workshop was inspirational for me. From my perspective, the workshop provided me with reassurance that I was capable of completing the VCANZ process, I did have enough experience and Rachel explained the steps clearly with the group working on examples for the criteria. This was a very practical part of the workshop and I came away feeling energised to complete the application process, so much so, that I submitted my application within a matter of two days post-workshop.

Rachel and the other workshop attendees provided support and encouragement that the process was not as difficult as I had imagined it to be. They shared their wealth of experience and knowledge, and gave my confidence a real boost in what can only be described as a very positive learning environment.

My application was processed quickly and I was confirmed as a VCANZ celebrant before Christmas. Since then, I have had inquiries for six registry weddings and I have been able to accept five of these requests. I thoroughly enjoy taking these registry weddings and hosting some of their ceremonies in my garden, has been a wider part of the service I can offer to couples.

– Jill Southee

On 8 March 2020, a group of Northland celebrants took the exciting step of forming the first ever CANZ Northland branch and committee.

It had taken two years to reach this point. Back in March 2018, the CANZ Executive asked celebrants for suggestions on ways to improve and grow their skills and experience. Member at large and Northland celebrant, Sue Halliwell, responded with a request for Northland celebrants to be helped to strengthen collegiality in their region and given their own opportunities for professional development. With busy lives, and with Northland stretching a considerable distance from tail to tip, many of its celebrants found getting to Auckland regularly for peer support and upskilling a challenge.

The CANZ Auckland and CANZ Executive committees in turn asked Sue if she would consider doing something about the situation, offering their support and Auckland’s care as an umbrella branch under which Northland celebrants could shelter and grow.

Sue became the Northland representative on the CANZ Auckland committee, with wider CANZ support also coming in the form of personal encouragement and guidance from CANZ President, Dianne Troup.

With that backing, Sue was able to provide Northland celebrants with their first meetings and professional development opportunities. Nearly two years on, in December 2019, Dianne contacted Sue to offer Northland celebrants the opportunity to form their own branch of CANZ. It was an idea whose time had come, with Dianne travelling north on Sunday, 8 March, to guide them through that process.

Although the important committee positions are yet to be allocated, nine celebrants put their hands up to form the CANZ Northland committee. They are incredibly excited to be part of CANZ Northland’s coming of age, and now look forward to beginning the process of assisting Northland celebrants to grow, both personally and together.

– Sue Halliwell

VCANZ Information workshop

CANZ Northland comes of age

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Pānui | Official Journal of the Celebrants’ Association of New Zealand | Te Kāhui Ārahi Ritenga o Aotearoa

Lest we forget25 April 2020

Enriching Celebrants – Enriching New Zealand | www.celebrantsassociation.co.nz

Exit this way…Funeral tributes as transcribed by Norm Murray

I’m most grateful to Murray. In all the years we played in the band together, he was very good at keeping me on the straight and narrow – but he was even better at leading me off it. [Chris 16.11.19]

Mum was a fantastic tennis and squash player, with an awesome backhand. We felt it whenever we were disobedient. [Graham 23.12.19]

Andrew went to [R] High School and was described by his teachers as “passively rebellious”, but he managed to achieve good passes in School Cert and UE exams. [Jordan 27.12.19]

When we were kids and lived in the country, we had to save water in the summer. Mum would fill up the bath and us kids would get in, one after the other, in order of age. After four of us, my oldest brother would sometimes sing, “Save the last bath for me”. [Rod 28.12.19]

Mum made the best-ever pavlovas in her old oven – possibly because she was one herself. She was brittle and crusty on the outside, and soft marshmallow on the inside. [Hegman 6.1.20]

When I was eight my sister and I stayed with our grannie in Sydney. She came back with us and we had a wonderful meal during the flight. But she was very upset to discover at the airport that you are not allowed to bring food into NZ. So instead of putting it in the amnesty bin, she made us sit down and eat the sandwiches she had made for us to have on the plane. [Cheryl 14.1.20]

Members’ directoryInviting all CANZ celebrants to take part.Our new regular column is free of charge to CANZ celebrants nationwide.

We have created a standard template to advertise your alternative celebrant-related businesses. Panui wants to dedicate this service to you helping to promote your business and reaching your client audience.

The CANZ Executive and Pãnui editor reserve the right to refuse all advertising they deem unsuitable, unrelated or in direct conflict with celebrancy and the CANZ Code of Ethics without the need to explain the reasons for such a refusal.

As seen below: The only information needed – no images or logos. Maximum of five lines.

Liz Maluschnig Wanaka Southern Branch 027 4334 520 www.airbnb.co.nz/rooms/9466137