insights for mom
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2009 Mother's Day magazineTRANSCRIPT
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any advice for a mother-in-law?
preparing formotherhood—God’s way
single moms. . . today’s heroes!
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The New Mom’s Guide to Your Body After BabyThe New Mom’s Guide to Living on Baby Time
The New Mom’s Guide to Dealing with DadThe New Mom’s Guide to Finding Your Own Mothering StyleReal advice from women who have been there, done that, and
want other moms to benefi t from their trials and triumphs.
The Birth to Five BookYou’ll love this collection from a
parenting expert of commonsense advice you can put to work
immediately.
Parenting Your Teen and Loving ItNational author and speaker Susie
Davis offers humor, biblical wisdom, and practical advice to build a healthy,
loving relationship with your teen.
Life on Planet MomBecoming a mom affects your relationships with everyone.
Bestselling author Lisa T. Bergren offers insight and encouragement to strengthen your most important
relationships.
Wisdom, humor, and practical advice for every stage of motherhood
For case quantity discounts of 30–50% off the regular retail price for your church or group, please visit www.direct2church.com
or email us at [email protected] Available wherever books are soldn
The New Mom’s Guide to Your Body After BabyThe New Mom’s Guide to Your Body After Baby Don’t Panic—More Dinner’s in the FreezerA simple and economical alternative to take-out and
prepackaged foods; quick and easy recipes to be prepared in quantity and frozen ahead.
224359_Insight_0409.indd 1 3/3/09 2:06:16 PM
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6 A Legacy of Faith: Grandparenting in the 21st Century
BY PEGGY MUSGROVE
9 Preparing for Motherhood—God’s Way BY ELIZABETH HIGHTOWER
12 Celebrating You: Mother’s Day and Every Day BY NAOMI CRAMER OVERTON
14 Helping Your Child Thrive in Elementary School BY KALENE BAKER
16 Somebody Said BY OLGA VIGIL
18 The Priority of Marriage BY KERRY CLARENSAU
20 Single Moms . . . Today’s Heroes! BY DENNIS FRANCK
22 The Gift of Time INSIGHTS STAFF
24 Any Advice for a Mother-in-Law? BY KERRY CLARENSAU
26 What Twentysomethings Need BY LINDSEY PARSONS
29 When Your Child is Grieving BY DAVID AND NANCY GUTHRIE
32 Moms in Stepfamilies BY JENETHA PARTRIDGE
contentsArlene Allen National Director, Editor in Chief
Darla Knoth Managing Editor
Kerry Clarensau Content Editor
Patty Kennedy Assistant Web Content Editor
Lindsey Parsons Editorial Assistant
Debbie Hampton Administrative Coordinator
Kalene Baker Editorial Intern
www.women.ag.org
© 2009 National Women’s Department
General Council Assemblies of God
1445 North Boonville Avenue
Springfield, MO 65802-1894
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise
indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE,
NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV®,
Copyright © 1973, 1974, 1978, by
International Bible Society. Used by permission
of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
The National Women’s Department does not endorse any advertiser or product, nor does featuring a person or ministry equal endorsement. Claims made in an advertisement are the sole responsibility of the advertiser.
in every stage of motherhoodINSIGHTS F
OR
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A virtuous woman lived in the mid 1700s; everyone called her “Mama Newton.” Every day and every night, Mama Newton could be heard crying and praying for her son John. He had run away from home as a rebellious teenager to become a sailor. John had become an ungodly, wicked man, disowned by his father, and by everyone who knew him because he was so immoral. Yet, day and night, Mama Newton kept praying that God would save and use her wayward boy. She believed in the power of prayer and prayed for the salvation of her son.
One day, God answered Mama Newton by performing a miracle in the heart of her son. As a result, John the drunken sailor became John Newton the sailor preacher, who at age 54 penned the beautiful hymn, “Amazing Grace.”
Abraham Lincoln once said, “Behind every great man is a great mother.” The once-powerful leader of France, Napoleon, said, “Let France have great mothers, and France will have great sons.” D.L. Moody, one of the greatest evangelists who ever lived, said, “All that I have ever accomplished, I owe to my mother!”
May this issue of Insights for Moms be a blessing to you as you read each article and sidebar. We mothers need to be reminded often that we have an amazing opportunity to pray for our children each day. Our influence on our children reaches far.
ARLENE ALLEN is the director of the National Women’s
Department. She is the proud mother of two sons, Martin and
Richard, grandmother of two incredible grandsons, Grant and
Jacob, and proud mother-in-law of Shari, who is like the
daughter Arlene never had.
letter from the editorGodly Mothers
6
Only two other conversations since have equaled it. I’m referring, of course, to the announcements by our two daughters of the births of our three grandchildren. Our children were born somewhat late in our lives. Our daughters had their children later than we did, so I waited a long time to be a grandmother. But it has been one of my chief joys.
For many people, the word “grandmother” stereotypically evokes the image of a little gray-haired woman wearing an apron just removing cookies from a hot
oven. But today’s grandmothers do not fit the stereotype—the average age of today’s grandparent is 53. At that age, many women are at the peak of their career, not baking cookies for grandchildren.
Another stereotype in our culture is that grandmother’s house is the place to go for the holidays. Remember, “Over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house we go . . .”? Today, grandmother’s house may be half a continent away, too far to travel for a holiday. Or her house may be where the
a legacy of faithgrandparenting
in the21stcentury
Purchase the suggested reading books at your local Christian bookstore.Not every title recommended adheres to doctrine of the Assemblies of God, but is listed as a resource for discerning readers.
Camp Gramma: Putting Down Spiritual Stakes for Your Grandchildren
BY JUDI BRADDY
In Camp Gramma, Judi Braddy combines personal examples with practical helps as she imparts insight, wisdom, and the tools for embracing modern-day grandparenthood.
A Grandparent’s Legacy: Your Life Story in Your Own Words
A spiral-bound book with questions to assist you in writing your story for your grandchildren.
A little
over 18
years ago,
I received
the most
exciting
phone call
of my life.
reso
urc
es
PEGGYMUSGROVE
7
grandchild lives—more than two million children are being raised by grandparents today.
So how does the Church address the needs of today’s grandparents? I believe the Bible gives us some direction—whether we are traditional or non-traditional grandparents, and whether we live with our grandchildren or they are far from us.
The fact that the grandchildren were born into our family makes them dear to us, but it takes some effort on our part to build a
relationship with them. We start cultivating their friendship when they are young. If they are near, we read stories to them or rock them to sleep. One of my friends who lives across the nation from her grandchildren regularly sent recordings of herself reading stories. She wanted them to know her voice.
We assure them of our friendship by planning activities for them to create special memories. Another one of my friends has “grandchildren parties,” and a special day just for the
Grandmother, Another Name for Love
BY ALICE GRAY AND SUSAN WALES
This heartwarming book is filled with endearing stories, gentle expressions of wisdom, memorable traditions, charming quotes, and savory recipes that are sure to bring the generations together and let Grandma know just how special she is.
Bein’ a Grandparent Ain’t for Wimps
BY KAREN O’CONNOR
Each two- to three–page story ends with an encouraging Scripture verse and a brief prayer, thanking God for the gift of these young people who help us live, love, and laugh in ways we never imagined.
When asked about love, seven-
year-old Glen replied, “If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.”
He Said What?
8
grandchildren at Christmas. One of my friends was only with her grandchildren on holidays, but she kept all the pictures she received from them and made personalized albums for each child.
The holidays, the parties, the story times are not ends in themselves but means of conveying to our grandchildren that they are special. We want them to know we agree with Solomon when he said, “Old people are distinguished by grandchildren” (Proverbs 17:6, The Message). The love we show will help them become the kind of children that make us proud so we feel “distinguished.”
Solomon had other comments about grandparents. In another passage in Proverbs, he said, “A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children” (Proverbs 13:22, NIV). When we think of leaving an inheritance, we think of leaving a financial legacy or family heirlooms. But I think Christian grandparents can leave much more than that. Hopefully, we can show our grandchildren a godly attitude toward material things. When it comes to giving gifts to them, we
have to learn how to be generous without spoiling and how to be frugal without being stingy.
We give our grandchildren our friendship, and we give them financial gifts as we can, but the greatest thing we do for them is to leave a legacy of faith. The psalmist said, “But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children” (Psalm 103:17, NIV).
We have known His love; we want to share that love with our grandchildren. I want my grandchildren to know their grandfather and I pray for them daily. I want them to remember our commitment to God’s house and our consistent Christian character with the hope that they follow in our example.
I heard one grandfather say, “We prayed for our children and we agonize for our grandchildren.” He was commenting on the ungodliness of our society in which our grandchildren must live. But as Christian grandparents, we can believe God for our grandchildren. His promise is that His righteousness will be with them. That is our legacy of faith.
PEGGY MUSGROVE is a
licensed Assemblies of God
minister. She is also a
grandmother of three,
speaker, freelance writer, author, and prayer
group leader. Her latest book, Musings of a
Maraschino Cherry, was released in 2004.
You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was. ~Irish Saying
If nothing is going well, call your grandmother. ~Italian Proverb
Perfect love sometimes does not come until the f irst grandchild. ~Welsh Proverb
If becoming a grandmother was only a matter of choice, I should advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is no fun for old people like it! ~Hannah Whitall Smith
A house needs a grandma in it. ~Louisa May Alcott
A grandma’s name is little less in love than is the doting title of a mother. ~William Shakespeare
It is as grandmothers that our mothers come into the fullness of their grace.~Christopher Morley
Source: www.quotegarden.com
grandparenting quotes from other times and places
When it comes
to giving gifts to
them, we have to
learn how to be
generous without
spoiling and how to
be frugal without
being stingy.
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I could list the most popular baby names for that year, differentiate between the nutrition facts of every brand of formula, recite the warning signs of postpartum depression, explain the proper care of an umbilical cord, express the arguments for and against co-sleeping, and draw diagrams of three different kinds of swaddling. I’d never felt so prepared for anything in my life. And, believe it or not, I was still reading What to Expect when You’re Expecting as we drove to the hospital for the delivery.
But when my husband and I recently started considering having another baby and I reflected on my experience with Elise, I realized something. I may have subscribed to three different parenting magazines and memorized pages of statistics, but I was dismally unprepared in the most important area: my spiritual life. Yes, I was married to a pastor and worked for a Christian organization, but that didn’t mean I was spiritually prepared for the most drastic change a woman ever undergoes—becoming a mother.
wWhen I was
expecting my
daughter, Elise,
I became an
expert on all
things parental.
ELIZABETH HIGHTOWER
God’s waypreparing for motherhood:
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We moms are bombarded with advice from every direction. We can’t turn on the television, pay for our groceries, or talk to our friends without confronting expert opinions on raising our kids. We get caught up in the need to be “perfect moms” as defined by the world, and far too often we forget the most important thing: we are responsible for simultaneously training our children in the ways of God and drawing closer to Him ourselves. Our kids will ask hard questions and present unexpected challenges. They’ll turn to us for guidance and support, and we’ll never measure up unless we’ve tapped into the only source of true wisdom: God.
When you’re looking for God’s wisdom, there’s no better place to start than Proverbs. The first chapter sets the stage for all the other wise sayings included in the book. “Start with God. The first step in learning is bowing down to God; only fools thumb their noses at such wisdom and learning” (verse 7, The Message). Any preparation we make will fall flat if we don’t first recognize God’s supreme wisdom. It’s the standard against which we must measure all other “expert advice.”
Many mothers are in the Bible—some wonderful and some awful—but one of my favorites is Timothy’s mother, Eunice. She is barely
mentioned, but I’m amazed by her eternal impact. In his second letter to Timothy, the Apostle Paul writes, “I miss you a lot, especially when I remember that last tearful good-bye, and I look forward to a joy-packed reunion. That precious memory triggers another: your honest faith—and what a rich faith it is, handed down from your grandmother Lois to your mother Eunice, and now to you!” (2 Timothy 1:4,5, The Message).
I don’t imagine Eunice had some secret formula for raising a son who would dedicate his life to God’s service. She simply held fast to the faith she learned from her own mother and, in turn, set a
how to spiritually prepare for motherhood
PrayTragically, this step
is often overlooked
in the frantic hurry of
motherhood, but it is
impossible to maximize
your influence as a
mother unless you
spend time every day
with your heavenly
Father. Pray for
your husband, your
marriage, your child,
and yourself. Rest in
the truth that God
hears and answers.
1Read your BibleWhether you prefer
the easily understood
language of The
Message, the poetic
style of King James, or
something in between,
it is imperative that
you read God’s Word
every day. There is
simply no substitute,
and no amount of
preparation can
compare with hiding
Scripture in your heart.
2 3Find a book to guide your quiet time with GodUsing another book to
supplement your daily
Bible reading will help
you apply Scripture to
the issues you face.
Nine Months to a Miracle: Spiritual Preparation for Moms-to-Be by Mari Hanes
Taking Care of the Me in Mommy—Becoming a Better Mom: Spirit, Body and Soul by Lisa Whelchel
4Prioritize your marriageHusbands often feel
neglected in the first
weeks and months
of parenthood. Make
plans to show him how
much you need and
love him—and do it
soon! Give your child
the priceless gift of a
unified family.
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A Mom After God’s Own Heart: 10 Ways to Love Your Children
BY ELIZABETH GEORGE
A Mother’s Legacy: Encouragement from Mothers in the Bible
BY JEANNE HENDRICKS
The Myth of the Perfect Mother
BY CARLA BARNHILL
The Ministry of Motherhood: Following Christ’s Example in Reaching the Hearts of Our Children
BY SALLY CLARKSON
The Power of a Praying Parent
BY STORMIE OMARTIAN
Love Letters to My Baby: A Guided Journal for Expectant and New Mothers
BY VICKEY BANKS
CLASSIC!
CLASSIC!
lasting example for Timothy. She told him the stories recorded in the Old Testament until he knew them by heart. She explained the teachings of Jesus and how they applied to his everyday life. She prayed and meditated on the mysteries of God. She sang songs of praise. She backed up her words with decisive and holy actions. You and I are called to do the same for our children.
If I could go back and prepare for motherhood again, I’d do things differently. I’m glad I was well prepared to take care of Elise’s physical needs (although I still messed up . . . a lot), but I wish I hadn’t put so much pressure on
myself to read every parenting book and search every parenting Web site. I wish I had spent more time in prayer and reading God’s Word, which is chock-full of parenting advice and case studies, both good and bad. Next time, I’ll look to the infallible Expert, my child’s Creator and Savior. Next time, I’ll be better prepared.
ELIZABETH HIGHTOWER
lives in Missouri with her
husband, Eric, and 2-year-old
daughter, Elise. She enjoys
reading, organizing women’s events at her
church, and spending as much time as
possible with her family.
how to spiritually prepare for motherhood5
Connect with other Christian momsThere will be times
you need a friend to
confide in or a mentor
to turn to for guidance.
Why not find some
girlfriends now so
your child can reap
the benefits of having
a spiritually healthy
mom? Maybe there’s
a group at your church
you can join or, if you’re
brave, you could start
your own group!
6Stay faithful to your churchDon’t let the fatigue of
new motherhood keep
you from attending
your church every
week. You’ll discover
that time in God’s
house with God’s
people will leave you
refreshed and ready to
face the week ahead.
suggestedresources
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Sticky hugs, small fistfuls of flowers, handmade cards dripping with glitter and glue—these are affirmations of love our small children may give us, and they are definitely Mother’s Day treasures.
The season of mothering young children is filled with a mixture of sweet moments and an exhausting array of needs as we nurture our children. In the midst of mothering, it’s surprising but life-giving for us to admit we have needs as well. I find that as I take time to meet those needs, I can be a better mom for my family and the world.
YOU’RE A MOMWhether you became a mom through pregnancy or adoption, in a moment your whole world shifted, and you went from your previous self to a new identity—Mom! And now you may be finding your “mom identity”
changes as your children move from newborn to toddler and beyond. But the reality of being a mom can also overshadow who you were before your kids arrived.
Along with being a mom, you are a woman, and your womanhood still matters and needs nurturing. In fact, being intentional about personal growth will have far-reaching benefits; your children and family gain by having a mom who is confident and growing spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally, as well as in her mothering skills. I have found that small moments invested in growing as a woman help me be all I’m meant to be as my children’s mom.
YOU’RE THE MOMWhile Mother’s Day may make us feel like queens, our day-to-day lives can hold larger-than-life responsibilities as the mom. As we
God created us for relationships,
and this is oh-so-true in the
season of early mothering.
Celebrating YOU on Mother’s Day and Every Day!
NAOMI CRAMER
OVERTON
13
decide how we’ll parent—feeding, sleep schedules, activities and more—we need ways to keep our “mom job” in perspective. Each decision can feel huge at the moment, but love, grace and humor can help us as we figure out the values and goals our family will embrace.
You are uniquely the mom your children need, and how you live out this role will differ from how your friends choose to parent. Letting go of being the perfect mom and identifying and holding fast to what you most value will help you relax and be the mom your family needs.
YOU’RE NOT ALONEHow do we find any time at all to grow as moms? I found that in my early mothering years, connecting with other moms gave me much-needed confidence and encouragement. God created us for relationships, and this is oh-so-true in the season of early mothering. In addition to the practical help we can find in relationships with other moms, we can give each other hope and perspective. But first we need to find ways to get together with other moms.
When I found my way to a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group as the mom of three young children, I found a safe place
where I could experience an authentic community with moms who understood me. The feeling of not being alone helped me get through a challenging season of mothering, as my youngest child required a number of visits to specialists and therapists.
Being with other moms didn’t instantly fix every challenge in my life, but it gave me a place to refresh, and it added fun that I could share with my child. I also saw that I could contribute to this mom-community as I encouraged other moms who had challenges too.
Friends don’t let friends mother alone! My hope is that every mom can appreciate her identity, gain perspective, and be part of a close-knit community that gives her hope and practical help during this fleeting season of shaping her young children.
NAOMI CRAMER OVERTON
is President of MOPS
International, where she
seeks to reach new
generations and cultures of moms. She and
her husband of 24 years have three
children. They like to read, cook, make
messes, create music and hike. She is
pursuing a seminary master’s degree and
has 20 years experience in media,
marketing, communications and
organizational development — and only
sometimes finds crayons in her briefcase.
resources for mothers of
young children
The MOPS International Web site
www.MOPS.org has forums to connect you with other moms at any time of the day or night, resource articles to encourage you, and more information about MOPS groups—including a group locator and information on starting groups.
Mommy Diaries: Finding Yourself in the Daily Adventure
TALLY FLINT
A collection of short, encouraging, heartwarming and funny true stories from moms just like you.
What Every Mom Needs
ELISA MORGAN AND
CAROL KUYKENDALL
A foundational book to help you understand the importance of meeting your own needs during the season of early mothering.
MomSense magazine
MomSense offers articles to inform and inspire on issues related to motherhood and womanhood. Published six times a year. www.MOPS.org/magazine. For information on the complete line of MOPS books, go to www.MOPShop.org.
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helping your child Thrive in elementary school
Teachers play a large role in helping children learn and overcome obstacles, but this responsibility does not completely rest
with the teacher. No matter how much experience or training a teacher has for the classroom, your child’s success in school starts at home. Four elementary school educators voice their thoughts on what you can do to help your elementary-aged child thrive despite challenges or difficulties.
INSIGHTS FROM ANGELA Many of the issues students deal with come from influences outside of the classroom. Long-time educators have noticed that these influences
have changed since they first began teaching. After 16 years in education, elementary school principal Angela Carder has noticed that her students “seem to know more mature concepts at a younger age.” With prevalent distractions like
divorce, financial strains, and technology, Angela has realized the necessity for new approaches to help her students succeed. The best approach, she says, is being aware of your child’s issues.
INSIGHTS FROM MICHELE First grade teacher Michele Clark also believes that being aware of the major issues students face, such as motivation and behavior, is essential. She says that
effectively meeting these challenges begins at home with the parents. “Because teachers cannot discipline students the way a parent can, parents have got to be on top of that at home. Parents need to teach their children the way to behave at school.”
To work through any problems, Michele stresses a working relationship between you and your child’s teacher. “A child’s education should be a partnership between the parent and the teacher. Together they will ensure that the child will succeed and thrive in school,” she says. This partnership also involves daily prayer and trust, Michele explains. With prayer and
aAs your child starts
elementary school,
he or she encounters
many challenges.
advice from teachers:
KALENE BAKER
Complete difficult
homework problems with
your child.
Stay informed of school
events—check the school Web site.
Check your child’s
backpack for notes and
newsletters.
Read with your child every
night.
Help your child prepare for tests with study guides.
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trust comes a peace that God has placed your child with this teacher for a reason.
INSIGHTS FROM KELLY For Kelly Garrison’s children, proper behavior both at home and at school is especially important. As a mother of seven, Kelly has been teaching her
children at home since 1998. Despite the different setting, she finds that her children struggle with similar issues of diligence, attitude and motivation.
In addressing these issues, Kelly has discovered ways to help her children thrive in their schooling. “I try to include them in some decision-making so they can begin to learn good study habits. I also help them to be motivated and to feel ownership in whatever they may be doing so they learn to do their best,” she says. Planning and scheduling lessons in advance are other effective methods for Kelly.
INSIGHTS FROM CARESSA Sixth grade teacher Caressa Gadd has noticed in her 24 years of teaching that parents are the most influential teachers in their children’s lives. “When
parents are involved in the education process and show interest and excitement for the different subjects, the student seems to thrive, even if there are learning disabilities,” she says. “It seems to me that a child from a loving and safe home naturally wants to please his or her own parents.” She also says that when parents are not involved in their child’s education, the child encounters much more difficulty.
To give further encouragement and peace to mothers of elementary school children, Caressa offers some advice: “Many times when things go wrong in our children’s lives we start beating ourselves up. There are no perfect parents out there. But if you are a praying and Christ-loving mother, then you can hold on to the Scripture in Matthew 21:22 that says, ‘Whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.’”
As a mother, you do not always have complete control over your child’s behavior and success at school. However, by remaining interested and involved in your elementary-aged child’s education, you can encourage him or her to thrive.
KALENE BAKER is a junior studying English and
Writing at Evangel University and is an intern for the
National Women’s Department.
Teach your child respect and discipline
at home.
Pray for your child and for your child’s
teacher.
Limit the amount of
extracurricular activities.
Plan schedules and be
consistent.
Do not expect your child to always be the
best in the class.
Communicate with teachers
to stay informed of your child’s progress.
At age three, Anna was
helping with the baking.
After the eggs were
carefully broken into the
bowl, she eyed the mixer
and inquired, “Can I
make them dizzy now?”
sHe Said What?
16
I recently received one of those “if you don’t pass this along to all your girlfriends, you’re not a true friend” kind of e-mails. I must not be a true friend because I rarely pass that sort of thing along; instead, I quickly hit the delete button rather than clutter someone’s inbox. However, this particular e-mail caught my attention because it was directed to moms, and it included this statement: “Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery. Somebody never watched her ‘baby’ get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten.”
This short statement brought back memories hidden in the recesses of my heart. Instantly, I journeyed back in time to the very day when my husband and I stood at the corner bus stop and watched our fearless firstborn eagerly climb onto that huge yellow bus. And she didn’t even look back.
Two years later, the scene repeated itself as Jim and I escorted our son to that very spot. He too climbed onto the bus—but not before waving a nervous goodbye. I clearly remember the lump in my throat and my effort to fight back tears. What an unexplainable surge of emotions—emotions that only another mom can understand. That
early fall morning, I realized my babies were growing up!
It seems like only yesterday I was the center of my children’s universe. Mere hours ago, my babies were hanging on my every word as I tucked them in at night, told them a bedtime story, and prayed with them. I can still hear their tiny voices calling my name and the pitter-patter of little feet as they dropped everything and ran to greet me with hugs and kisses when I came home from work—“Mama’s home! Mama’s home!”
Suddenly, my cell phone beeps, and I am back in 2009. When I look at the text message, I see it’s my seventeen-year-old daughter asking if she can go “hang out” with her boyfriend after school. Another beep alerts me to my fifteen-year-old son’s intentions of staying after school to “work out” with his football buddies. Today seems so far removed from that day at the corner bus stop. Yet today came far too quickly.
My teens have reached an age when their friends, their cars, and their cell phones are the center of their universe, and Mom and Dad seem to only be the facilitators of this universe. This reality was
OLGA VIGIL
Today seems so far removed from that day at the corner bus stop. Yet today came far too quickly.
Joel—Kerry would
like to add the photos
of Olga’s family
here.
17
While I was watching television on
the couch with our granddaughter,
age three, she passed me the
remote control and directed, “Here,
Grandma. You be the daddy.”
sHe Said What?
cemented in my heart when over the Christmas holidays, I enthusiastically went to the movie rental store and carefully selected some “chick flicks” for my daughter and me to watch. I had it all planned out—we would curl up in front of the television with a
humungous bowl of popcorn and watch the girly movies together like we’ve done hundreds of times before. I did curl up in front of the television, but I was alone. I failed to check her schedule, and she had already made other plans.
Watching this transformation from childhood and dependence
to growth and independence can cut at the very strings of a mother’s heart. If I’m not careful, I can fight against this natural progression of life in my effort to hold onto yesterday and risk breeding anger and rebellion in my children’s hearts.
Growth and independence are the very fabric of life. Our parents and their parents before them walked this path long before we did. I have to constantly remind myself that God blessed my husband and me with two beautiful children, but it is all part of His divine design from generation to generation. We raise our children
to let them go; we push them out of the nest to watch them soar so that one day, they too can have the strength to do the same.
I think I will forward that chain e-mail to my girlfriends after all, but perhaps I will add my own statement: “Somebody has not watched her babies transform from toddlers to teens in a matter of days.”
OLGA VIGIL is a licensed
minister, speaker, and trainer
for leaders of girls. She has
served as Leadership
Development Coordinator in the National
Girls Ministries Department for over ten
years. Olga lives in Springfield, Missouri,
with her husband Jim and their two teenage
children. www.ngm.ag.org
We raise our children to let them go; we push them out of the nest to watch them soar.
Resources:• God’s Little Devotional Book
for Moms by Honor Books
• The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian
• Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
18
Marriage is designed by God to be the most important human relationship. For marriage to become all He intends, we must make it a priority and allow all other relationships—parents, children, friends, and other men—to take a backseat. When healthy priorities and boundaries are established and kept, we produce an environment for love to flourish.
WHAT ARE THE RIGHT PRIORITIES?Life can seem overwhelming, and what is most important to us can become blurred. Circumstances can consume our focus, and we can lose sight of the most precious things in life. We must commit to these top three priorities and guard them with all of our heart—our personal relationships with:
1. God2. Our husband3. Our children
Our children are precious gifts from God—and you might wonder why our husbands come before them. Children thrive in an environment where their parents openly show love and appreciation for each other. But their security
is threatened when Mom and Dad are unhappy and not getting along. If we put our children ahead of our husbands, we are only hurting our family in the long run.
The best gift we can give to our children is a happy marriage. Our children need to see us making time for our marriages and loving our husbands in very practical ways. Not only will we create a secure environment for our children, we will be teaching them the right priorities.
“ Some women love their kids more than they love their husband—and he knows that right off, and it strains the marriage.” Gary Smalley, Secrets DVD
If we get any of these top three priorities out of order, our lives will not function as God desires. But what about other priorities that need our time? These may change with each season of our lives. We should seek God’s direction as we establish the following priorities:
• Our career (Our career should
always support our family and home—not the other way around.)
• Our extended family • Our friends• Our commitments to church
ministry and other volunteer roles• Our hobbies and other
entertainment
Even when we make our best efforts to keep our priorities right, circumstances can put a strain on them or cause them to be blurred (i.e. a deadline on the job, illness of an extended family member, a friend in crisis, etc.).
In this season of your life, is there a circumstance that is putting a strain on your priorities? What can you do to keep the right priorities?
The Priority of Marriage
One of the greatest ways to keep your husband as a priority is to write your priorities and have them visible every day, because the more we think about something, the more it becomes a belief.” Gary Smalley, Secrets DVD
From Secrets: Transforming Your Life and Marriage, by Kerry Clarensau (Gospel Publishing House, 2009). www.SecretsBibleStudy.com.
KERRY CLARENSAU
19
“From the first page of Secrets, I was amazed at Kerry’s honesty and insight. She became the friend I prayed for and guided me through the issues I faced, all based on what the Bible teaches. Through this study, I drew closer to God and saw him work in my marriage.” — Lindsey
All orders subject to credit approval. Prices subject to change without notice. Listed prices do not include shipping/handling charges. Where applicable, state & local tax will be added to your order.
In Secrets: Transforming Your Life and Marriage, Kerry Clarensau leads women on a
journey that reveals eight solutions every wife needs to find fulfillment, understand your husband, con-nect more intimately, fall in love again, and more. Through this interactive Bible study, you’ll discover the secrets to
• Finding True Fulfillment• Embracing His Differences• Genuine Love• Meeting His Greatest Need
• A Strong Inner Life• Growing Intimacy• Staying in Love• Influencing Him
call: 1.800.641.4310 • visit: www.GospelPublishing.com
Start experiencing transformation in your life and marriage today! For more information and a FREE excerpt, visit www.SecretsBibleStudy.com.
Use Secrets for • Personal study• Small group Bible study (8-12 sessions)• Retreats• One-on-one mentoring and discipleship
Secrets: Transforming Your Life and MarriageBook 02NA0505 $10.99
Secrets Leader Kit Book, CD, DVD 26NA0370 $49.99
20
h Comments like these are not rare anymore. Single moms represent 12.2 million households today, and 24 million children (nearly 4 out of 10) live in a home without a father.
Sharing parenting challenges with a partner is difficult enough, but facing them alone can seem like an overwhelming job! A single mom comes home from work to cook, clean, wash, pay bills, give rides, attend school functions, discipline, solve problems, help with homework, and more. No wonder she is tired—she does all of this by herself, every week, without the help of another parent. Single parents are today’s heroes!
HEROES HAVE NEEDS TOO
Since you, as a single mom, are devoted to raising your children, it is often easy to neglect taking care of yourself. But if your needs are not met, you will not be the strong and balanced mother you want or need to be. Here are a few suggestions to help you become a better mom:• Recognize that you have needs and
rights that only you can protect.• Even though it’s difficult, set aside
time for your hobbies, interests, and social life.
• Don’t be afraid to tell leaders at your church what your needs are.
• Don’t try to be the father and mother. Try to be the best mom you can be with the resources you have.
DENNIS FRANCK
Single Moms...Today’s Heroes!“How am I
supposed to raise
my two boys
alone?” Susan
asked the pastor.
“I don’t know
how—I was never
a little boy.”
21
• Don’t think you have to be “super mom.” Give yourself the freedom to fail and the luxury of not having to do it all.
• Develop relationships with other single mothers for encouragement, ideas, and help with childcare.
• Say no to your children when they are too demanding or when they request unnecessary things.
• Insist that the children’s father maintain a regular and consistent visitation schedule.
• Maintain your own privacy.• Pursue your dreams of going back to school,
changing careers, or saving for a special trip.
MEETING YOUR CHILDREN’S NEEDS
Children of single parents experience all the common needs of other children, combined with other unique challenges—changes in location and school, decreased family income, visitation with the other parent, unresolved questions and emotions, low self- esteem, and lack of healthy role models.
Because of these unique needs, your children will require more than the usual affirmation other children receive. They need you to do the following:
1. Show consistent, secure love—don’t vacillate or be shy about it:
• Praise and affirm them all the time—possibly even more than you would kids from two–parent homes.
• Plan to spend regular time together.• Nurture them with physical affection and
concrete expressions of love.• Tell each child specific things you like about
them.
2. Foster independence:• Encourage appropriate decision–making. • Encourage them to try things on their own,
even if it might lead to failure.• Help them see why they failed if/when they do.• Be there for them emotionally, encouraging
them to try again.
3. Keep stress at a minimum:• Encourage a relationship with stable family
members.• Help minimize involvement with passing
relationships (unstable peers or relatives, a man who is developing a relationship with you, etc.).
• Discuss contingency plans for emergency situations.
• Avoid venting about their father in front of them.
4. Minimize change:• Provide consistency in discipline, incentives,
and rewards.• Delay a move if possible.• When a move is necessary, stay within the
same school district and church if possible.• Keep communication open, and encourage
them to discuss issues in their lives.
PROMISES FOR TODAY’S HERO
Being a single mother in today’s world is full of complex challenges. God the Father knows this; His concern for the fatherless is shown throughout Scripture:
“ God sets the solitary in families” (Psalm 68:6, NKJV).
“ [God is] the helper of the fatherless” (Psalm 10:14, NIV).
“ For in [the LORD] the fatherless find compassion” (Hosea 14:3, NIV).
Single mom, it may sound trite, but “hang in there.” Look to the example of the greatest single adult who ever lived—Jesus! He understands what it’s like to be a single adult and has compassion and strength for the single mother. Relying on Him will help you be a true hero for your children!
DENNIS FRANCK is the National Director of Single
Adult/Young Adult Ministries for the Assemblies of
God. With compassion for single and single-again
adults and an understanding of single adult issues,
Dennis emphasizes becoming a whole person spiritually,
emotionally, and relationally.
Are you are a single mom? Or do you want to help single parents? Visit the Assemblies of God Single Adult Website, www.singles.ag.org, to find advice and resources (free and for purchase).
22
You may feel it is almost impossible to spend 15 minutes alone with them. But all healthy relationships require an investment of time.
Consider designating a specific time each week to be alone with your teen. After establishing the appointment, make every effort to keep it—this is one of the best ways to show your teen that they’re important to you. You won’t regret the investment in your teen and the lifelong relationship you are building!
Find an activity you can do together, or find a common place you both enjoy. For example, each Thursday evening at eight go to a local coffee shop to talk about their activities for the upcoming week. You will be amazed at the open conversations that can occur when you make a priority of spending time together.
Here are some other ideas to get your creative energies f lowing:
4 �Make Saturday morning pancakes together (try inventing a different recipe each week).
4 �When your teen has a drivers’ permit, take a weekly drive in the country (most states require a specific number of hours driving with parents).
4 �Take a class together—pottery, exercise, foreign language, jewelry making, photography, etc.
4 �Collect recipes from the Internet, and try a new dish each week.
When asked about love, eight-year-old Manuel replied, “I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.”
INSIGHTSSTAFF
yYour children’s
teen years can
be packed with
their academic
demands and
social activities.
The Gift of Time
He Said What?
23
4 �Hike or bike ride together.
4 �Make a standing appointment to do each other’s nails.
4 �Volunteer together in your local church or community.
4 �Go fishing or hunting.
4 �Make a scrapbook from your family vacation, or use the Internet to plan the next vacation.
4 �Go out to eat—you could go to the same place each week or be adventurous and try new places and new dishes together.
4 �Plan a weekly game night, or learn a new video game with your teen.
4 �Read a book together, and take time each week to discuss a chapter.
4 �Designate a time to work on a hobby you both enjoy.
4 �Go for a late-night ice-cream or taco run.
4 �Sit in an interesting location, and sketch or paint what you see.
4 �Hunt for “treasures” at thrift stores, garage sales, and antique stores.
4 �Watch a movie, and discuss it from a biblical perspective.
Surveys reveal that most parents underestimate their influence on their children and neglect activities that would strengthen the relationship. But research confirms that a child’s lifelong faith is shaped by the principles and practices absorbed by age 13, and parents have the greatest influence on this process.
Source: http: http://www.barna.org, accessed
January 30, 2009.
“Commit yourselves
wholeheartedly to these
commands that I am giving you
today. Repeat them again and again
to your children. Talk about them
when you are at home and when
you are on the road, when you are
going to bed and when you are
getting up.”
DEUTERONOMY 6:6-7, NLT
24
• Include them in family photos, outings, traditions, decisions (especially about holidays), etc.
• Give them personal attention.• Refer to them by name, not as “Jeff’s wife” or
“Jessica’s husband.”• Observe their likes and dislikes, and then do
thoughtful things for them (i.e., have their favorite soda on hand).
• Offer to learn about their family and traditions.• Brag about them to the extended family.• Treat the new “in-law” as your own child with equal
warmth, openness, gifts, and time.• Show that you are just as glad to see them as you
are your own son or daughter.• Pray for them. • Fill them in on family history and inside jokes.• Tell them often how glad you are that they are in
your son’s or daughter’s life.
• Do I encourage my son (or daughter)
to keep his or her spouse as the first
priority?
• Do I treat my adult children with the
same respect I offer to other adults? Am
I keeping my personal opinions about
their decisions and behavior to myself?
• Do I avoid taking sides and not
allow my son (or daughter) to vent his
frustrations about his spouse to me? Do
I look for ways to direct him back to his
spouse to resolve issues instead?
• Do I offer advice only when it is
requested—and even then, do I
remember they are free to accept or
reject my input?
• Do I give them the freedom to establish
their own family traditions and lifestyles?
• Do I look for creative ways to extend
love and acceptance to my in-laws?
Do I communicate that they are just as
important to me as my own children?
When we are careful to treat our adult children and their spouses with respect, we can build and maintain healthy friendships with them.
Recently, I sent a quick e-mail to some of my friends—women ranging in age from mid 20s to late 70s. Some of them are newly married, and others have been married for many years. I asked them three simple questions, and within hours I received 29 responses—almost 6,000 words of insights.
Here’s what they had to say:
What can a mother-in-law do to help her new son- or daughter-in-law feel like part of the family?
?
any advice for amother-in- law?
No one prepares us to be a mother-in-law. “Horrible mother-in-law” jokes are common because so many of us have difficulty with this new role. Here are a few questions we can ask ourselves to keep a healthy relationship with our sons- and daughters-in-law:
25
?
• Interfere! (Almost every one of the 29 responses said something about interfering. Most of this list will be defining this one idea of interfering.)
• Speak to the married couple as though they are still under your guidance; give advice when it hasn’t been asked for.
• Take sides in issues between the couple.• Expose personal information, even in a prayer circle.• Push financial support.• Stay too long at one time.• Compete or be jealous of the in-law; want more
attention from your child.• Blame the in-law for the couple’s situation.• Gossip about the in-law.• Criticize the way the couple does everyday things.• Not respect the in-law’s family.
• Realize that your role in your son’s or daughter’s life changed when he or she got married. Now it is time to encourage and respect.
• Only give advice when it is asked for, and remember they are free to accept or reject your advice.
• Be kind, patient, and understanding. • Forgive and be willing to ask for forgiveness.• Don’t allow either party to come to you to complain
about the other one.• Relax and enjoy your family.• Ask God how you can show your love for them.• Give the couple time and space; respect their way
of doing things.• Let them build their own traditions (especially
around the holidays).• Act excited to have gained another family member
instead of acting like you’ve just lost a child.• Let the couple know how proud you are of them.
You can’t say it often enough!
KERRY CLARENSAU is the author of Secrets: Transforming Your Life and
Marriage. She has served in ministry with her husband, Mike, for over 20 years.
She has held a variety of ministry positions in the Kansas District and in the
national office. Currently, she and Mike serve as pastors in Wichita, Kansas.
Kerry also serves as Leadership Development Coordinator for the National Women’s
Department. She and Mike live in Wichita with their two adult sons and daughter-in-law.
any advice for amother-in- law?
What is the most damaging thing a mother-in-law can do?
?
If you could give a new mother-in-law one piece of advice, what would it be?
?
KERRY CLARENSAU
26
You can hardly believe that your clumsy toddler is now taking his first steps toward adult independence—college, career, marriage . . . in the midst of so many exciting changes, you might wonder if there is still a place for “mom” in your adult child’s life. But young men and women assert that they still need their mom—just in different ways than they used to.
What Twenty-
somethings Need
TWENTYSOMETHINGS SHARE BIG INSIGHTS ON ONE LITTLE QUESTION:
“In this stage of your life, what do
you need from your relationship with your mom?”
LINDSEY PARSONS
27
Staying Connected when Living Far Apart
• Leave phone messages of Scriptures or prayers.
• Chat online with live videos (free at www.skype.com).
• Celebrate accomplishments by mailing cards and notes.
• Begin a family Web page (free at www.myfamily.com).
• Send messages and swap photos on Facebook (free at www.facebook.com).
• E-mail favorite or new recipes that are easy.
• Send Christian e-greeting cards (free at www.crossdaily.com).
• Send text messages from your cell phone.
• Journal an online blog (free at www.blogspot.com).
• Text your daily activities with Twitter (free at www.twitter.com).
• Arrange a regular time to call your child each week (and leave a message if they’re busy!).
• Share online photo albums (www.shutterfly.com).
Guidance“As a new wife, I need my mom’s guidance and encouragement that I’m doing the right thing. Especially when there’s conflict, it’s nice to get advice from someone who’s been through it all—to show me how to run to God and be the wife He wants me to be. Mom somehow always knows what Bible verses I need to hear.” —Marilee, 24
Approval“Now that I’m on my own, I need my mom’s approval of the person I’ve married, the choices I’ve made, etc. It’s important to know she’s proud of me.” —Marc, 25
Comfort and Assurance“You never outgrow a mom’s comfort and assurance through regular conversation. It means a lot when she takes initiative to express support for each new step I make in life.” —Bryan, 24
Affirmation“What helps me thrive at this stage of life is hearing my mom affirm me. Since I am still discovering my potential and capabilities, it means so much for her to offer encouragement and excitement for my accomplishments.” —Katie, 23
28
LINDSEY PARSONS is a 26-year-old who is blessed
with a wonderful mother and mother-in-law—two
amazing women who have shown incredible patience
and support. Lindsey and her husband Bryan live in
Springfield, Missouri, where she assists the Leadership Development
Coordinator of the National Women’s Department, and coordinates
ministry to youth and young adults in her church.
Friendship & Patience“My mom is doing a great job at gradually shifting our relationship from parent/child to a mutual friendship—more give-and-take instead of one-sided. This requires her to be patient when I make mistakes so I can learn.” —Sarah, 20
Shared Experiences“I like to learn from her experiences, so I can decide if I would take the same path.” —Megan, 21
Freedom and Insight“Because I’m ready to branch out and do things on my own, I want freedom. But I look to my mom to steer me in the right direction—not to do things for me but to give me encouragement, advice, and insight.” —Brandon, 21
Advice & Support“Even though I live independently, I still need my mom’s advice and support. Since I’m not married, she’s still the first person I go to when I’ve had a bad day or just need to bounce ideas off someone.” —Ashley, 24
Encouragement & Acceptance“Encouragement and guidance, since I’m at a stage in my life where I need to make the right decisions. I need her to accept me for who I am and do her best to nudge me in the right direction no matter what.” —Joshua, 22
Independence & Respect“Independence to be my own person—allowing me to make decisions and mistakes and trusting that I’ll be all right in the end. I need a peaceful and sharing relationship, with boundaries which respect my privacy and independence but allow for a free flow of advice and information to be given when warranted or requested.” —Chris, 23
Conversation“Even though I’m married and have my own home, I value conversation with my mom a lot. It’s nice to know that I have an open ear anytime I need to express myself. She continues to be a mentor for me as I grow as a wife, a Christian, a career woman and, someday, a mother myself.” —Megan, 24
Freedom & Unconditional Love“Plenty of freedom and space to make my own decisions, with the assurance of unconditional love. When a mom respects her child as an adult, the child will give back that respect and talk about adult concerns. I love spending time with my parents because they love me unconditionally and are trusting God to lead me through life.” —Lindsy, 25
“Dear Lord, I’m just too tired to talk tonight,” sleepy five-year-old Jeanette offered at bedtime. “Could you please just recycle one of my old prayers?”
sHe Said What?
29
a We make it safe for our grieving kids when we openly express thoughts and emotions that may seem unacceptable on the surface. When we’re able to question out loud some of the unhealthy or untrue ideas that run through our heads, we free children to admit they’ve had those thoughts too.
When we laugh about the foibles of the one who died or cry about hurts he or she left behind, we help our children deal with reality rather than idealizing the lost loved one.
As your children listen to or overhear what you’re saying in your grief, what they long most to hear are signs of hope—hope for returned normalcy, for future security. They need reasons to hope that while you may be very sad now, you’re on a path toward healing—and that they, too, will not always hurt as much as they hurt right now.
We can’t hide all of our grief from our children, and we shouldn’t try. If you never cry in front of your kids, they might think that if they died you wouldn’t miss them or cry for them either. Your tears are evidence of your love for the person you lost—and for your child.
But neither should we abandon our children by giving ourselves completely over to our grief. In the midst of your sorrow, having one or more children means you still have someone to love and enjoy in your home.
when your child is grieving
Authors David
and Nancy
Guthrie offer
valuable
insights after
helping their
son cope with
the loss of
two siblings.
In the midst of your sorrow, having one or more children means you still have someone to love and enjoy in your home.
30
Having children in the house forces us back into normalcy—sometimes before we want to go there. They provide a reason to keep getting up in the morning whether or not we feel like it, a reason to cook a meal and wash the clothes, play a game, and maybe even to laugh now and then.
The tricky balance is to find space to grieve without neglecting the children who depend on you—who probably are grieving in their own way. While we process our loss, we need to stay as fully present for our kids as we can. We need to find ways to show that the loss we feel doesn’t erase our joy over having those children here.
We have often wondered how our son’s loss of two siblings will affect him long-term. Time will tell. We’ve prayed that it will make him compassionate toward those with disabilities and those who experience loss. We see signs of that compassion in his life even now.
We pray that some of the truths we’ve talked with him about—God’s sovereignty in suffering, the value of a less-than-perfect life, our confidence in heaven—have sunk in. More importantly, we hope he’s seen us live out what we’ve talked about. We trust he’s noticed that what we believe has made a difference in how we’ve grieved—that we haven’t done it as those who have no hope.
He’s following our lead. He’s seen us up close in the hardest places of life and the dark days of death. May what he’s seen—and what your children see in you—show us all following our Master, walking with Him and toward Him on this difficult pathway called grief.
Taken from When Your Family’s Lost a Loved One:
Finding Hope Together by David and Nancy Guthrie
(Tyndale House, 2008), page 112-114. All rights reserved.
Helping Your Child Grieve• Maintain normal family rituals and
routine
• Retain your role as primary physical/emotional caretaker
• Spend quality time creating new family memories
• Do activities together to spark conversations naturally
• Be accepting of your child’s emotions or questions
• Give verbal reassurance that your family will get through this
• Allow your child to grieve at his own pace
• Reminisce about humorous memories
• Display photos and objects that bring positive memories of the deceased
Having children in the house forces us back into normalcy—sometimes before we want to go there.
31
visit our Web site: www.women.ag.org.Sign up for e-newsletters. Watch for announcements concerning special new features and design in 2009!
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Signs of Grieving ChildrenChildren may not express their grief as readily as adults, and the process will vary for each child and situation. Normal grief lasts up to two years, and is a natural process. A grieving person will vacillate between four stages—sometimes in the same day.
DENIAL• Resisting conversations about the death• Hoarding or hiding reminders of the deceased• Vivid dreams about the deceased
ANGER• Bullying younger siblings• Injuring self, toys, and/or property• Resisting affection and conversation
DEPRESSION• Frequent isolation or loss of interest in activities• Bingeing or loss of appetite• Increase in sleep and decrease in energy
ACCEPTANCE• Ability to realistically reminisce about the deceased• Displaying reminders of the deceased• Engaging in healthy activities once again
32
I quickly learned that the way things worked in my first marriage was not how they were going to work in my stepfamily. I thought I could manage my stepfamily easily, but it was far more complex than I ever imagined.
Stepfamilies are surrounded within and without by stubborn people, willful voices, and everyone demanding control. The controls I thought I had, I didn’t have at all. But as a stepmom, I learned that I can have influence and that my influence can be very, very significant.
When my husband and his ex-wife were in conflict over their daughter—a conflict that escalated into several court litigations—I found myself marginalized by both parents, having no say in anything. I felt forced to be a shadow on the wall, and there were some real difficulties between their daughter and her father and me.
I objected to her lifestyle and how her mother was raising her. During her tumultuous teen years, I thought her conversations and activities were inappropriate. At times I could hardly stand how she dressed, her make-up, and her tattoos. I wished that I could have some control over her life, but neither she nor her mother or father tolerated any input from me.
Although I had no control in anything concerning this daughter, I determined to discover what I could do to keep some kind of relationship with her. Could I change what she was wearing, her behavior, or her negative attitudes? No.
So I stopped criticizing her.
I decided to make peace with what I couldn’t control and try to be a loving influence in her life. When possible, I took my stepdaughter out to eat, and we went to Costco together regularly.
Stepmoms can
have powerful
influence as
peacemakers.
Peacemakers
are called
blessed by
God.
Moms in Stepfamilies
JENETHA PARTRIDGE
33
We would eat lots of the food samples and have fun together.
My husband’s daughter is now in her late twenties, happily married with two daughters of her own, and her care for me is truly amazing. She tells people she has two moms and talks in terms of deep respect and love for me. She remembers with sharp emotion her difficult years—that I was there extending love during the parent wars when she socially and morally checked out. She recalls feeling God’s hand of care over her during those difficult years, and she says I was like that hand extending God’s love and peace.
Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9, NIV). He didn’t say “blessed are those who are peaceful” or “blessed are those who want peace.” He specifically said “blessed are the peacemakers”—those who make peace; those who are in situations where, if peace is going to happen, it will have to be created—maybe out of nothing but laughing together and having fun at Costco.
A peacemaker is like an island out in the ocean. Islands never create storms. They never create waves. They never make the wind blow.
They absorb conflict but never return conflict. Storms come to islands wild and furious but leave reduced and calm.
Peacemakers are like these islands—never returning storm for storm but forgiving, free from offense, not carrying long-term resentments—and they are kind. This is why Jesus said it is the peacemakers who are blessed. It is the peacemakers who are called the children of God. They are the ones who are truly influential, eventually turning around even the most uncontrollable situations in their own precious stepfamilies.
“For, whoever would love life and see good days must . . . do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his hears are attentive to their prayer” (1 Peter 3:10-12, NIV).
JENETHA PARTRIDGE and
her husband, Dr. Donald
Partridge, are national
speakers and co-authors of
their latest book, Loving Your Stepfamily—
The Art of Making Your Blending Family
Work. This book can be found on their Web
site: www.blendingfamily.com, as well as
other excellent resources for single parents
and stepfamilies. Don and Jenetha reside in
Pleasanton, California.
• Blended Family Tapestry, www.blendingfamily.com, is a Web site of resources and encouragement for single parents and stepfamilies.
• Loving Your StepFamily—The Art of Making Your Blending Family Work by Donald R. and Jenetha G. Partridge
• Single Parents, Savvy Partnering: Stage 1-Dating by Donald R. Partridge
• Single Parents, Savvy Partnering: Stage 2-Engagement by Donald R. Partridge (Pleasanton, CA: Ginger Court Press, 2001).
• Single Parents-Savvy Partnering: Stage 3-Merging by Donald R. Partridge
Resources for Blended Families
On the highway, we passed a race track. Our six-year-old Rick asked, “What is that place?” And I replied, “It’s where people go to race dogs.” After a long pause, Rick observed, “I bet the dogs win.”
He Said What?
34
Like every couple facing serious marital strife, Jeff and Rose needed to discover the power of the Cross to bring them into the Beatitudes of Christ.
Jeff’s personal journey and his subsequent experience counseling men and couples at Pure Life Ministries has
uniquely qualified him to share the biblical truths that will restore any marriage From Ashes to Beauty!
Jeff and Rose Colón speak at churches nationwide, bringing a message of hope and a heartfelt call to a deeper union in Christ.
“…this book offers you a solid and biblical approach … to guide you and your spouse into healing, hope and ultimately into victory!”
from the Foreword, by CLAY CROSSE, holyhomes.org
A NEW RElEAsE! FROM PuRE LiFE MiniStRiES
S T U D Y G U I D E I N C L U D E D !
Order your copy now! Visit us online or call tOLL FREE 888.254.2884
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Name
Address
City/State/Zip
Africa’s Children / Assemblies of God World Missions 1445 North Boonville Ave. Springfield, MO 65802-1894
417-862-2781 (ext. 1705)[email protected]
AC_Mom.indd 1 3/23/09 11:13:34 AM
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Mary MaryThe Sound
51 Must Have Worship Classics
Don MoenI Believe There Is More
Brooklyn Tabernacle ChoirI’ll Say Yes
Kari Jobe
Deeper
©20
09 In
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