Improving Your Child’s Self Esteem

Dr. Moya O’Brien

Clinical Psychologist

What is Self Esteem?

Feeling good about yourself Putting a high value on your worth Thinking or thoughts in your head about

your self Is different depending on circumstances

and relationships

Aspects of our Self Esteem

Relationships Mother / Father, Daughter Son, Sister /Brother, Friend, Aunt / Uncle

Physical Self Work / School Hobbies Leisure Activities

Why is Self Esteem Important?

Feelings Associated with High Self Esteem

ConfidencePleasureSense of OptimismHappiness

Child with High Self Esteem

Expects to succeed Is willing to try new things Demonstrates respect for others and expects the

same for themselves Feels entitled to ask for what she needs Effectively solves problems or conflicts Is socially competent Takes responsibility

Child with Low Self Esteem

Is restrained Is unsure or tentative Burdened Inhibited Vulnerable Under value themselves Is a people pleaser Blames others

How is our Self Esteem Determined? How is it nurtured or developed? Is it effected by our experiences? Is it effected by success or failure? Is it effected by praise or criticism? Is it effected by life events?

Tools of Self Esteem

Identify the child’s internal critic Combat internal critic by becoming a

“Health mental coach”Focus on effort and persistenceFocus on self evaluation Do not give in to child’s negative thoughtsKeep communication positive, do not use

sarcasm, threats or negatives

Parenting to support positive self esteem Set limits and be consistent “If ----- Then ------” Be firm but kind Let small stuff go Separate the deed and the doer Love child – communicate this Offer choice and respect choice Model self worth Unconditional love – mirror of positive regard See your child as a unique individual not an extension of

you

Parenting to Promote Self Esteem Show them they are valued by giving them your time. Point out that they may not be perfect but neither is anyone else. Show you appreciate their efforts and persistence and that

sometimes you may fail before you succeed. Give them responsibility (that is appropriate to their age) so they can

show that they can follow through and be relied on. Listen - don't finish their sentences for them. Help your child to remember the good times and successes when

they experience bad times. Help them accept the things they cannot change. Tell them they are special. Use encouragement more often then praise.

Critical elements for successfully building Self Esteem Positive atmosphere Opportunity for active involvement and participation Valued for their contribution Valued for their difference Opportunities to learn and make mistakes Give praise and encouragement  Opportunities to evaluate own performance Opportunities to develop skills and learn life lessons

Parent Behaviours that Encourage Self Esteem Active Listening Allow choice with in reason Value opinions even if different to your own Make individual time Respect boundaries Use encouragement

Putting up pictures on wall or fridge Collecting medals, certificates / good reports Going to match's, concerts, end of year displays etc Putting photos of achievements on walls or in albums

Books on Self Esteem

Self Esteem Books Young Children The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper, George Hauman The Lovables in the Kingdom of Self-Esteem by Diane Loomans

General Parenting Books Parenting Teenagers: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of Teens by

Don Dinkmeyer The Parent's Handbook: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting by Don

Dinkmeyer Parenting Young Children: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) of

Children Under Six by Don, Sr. Dinkmeyer Self Esteem Adults

Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Mathew McKay & Patrick Fanning.