improving the revision process 2

8/3/2019 Improving the Revision Process 2

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This workshop will focus on the importance of the revision process, some 6ps on improving the

process, and how to fix certain persistent structural errors that are commonly found in the academic

wri6ng of Spanishspeakers.

INTHIS SECOND SESSION well begin to delve into the persistent problems were going to tackle in this

workshop.

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Certain structural problems come up again and again in scien6fic papers wrien by Spanishspeakers.

In the last session we ended with this preview of the types of problems well tackle in the remaining

sessions. Hopefully before coming to this session you took the 6me to figure out whats wrong with

these examples and think how to best correct them, keeping in mind that there may be mul6ple

acceptable solu6ons (and also thatas alwayssome solu6ons will be beer than others, depending

on the context).

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These sentences probably look prey good to most of you. And even if something seems a bit off, you

probably s6ll understand them perfectly. The problem is, though, that for a na6ve English speaker

there is something wrong with every sentence. In some cases the meaning is s6ll dis6nguishable

despite the problem, but in other cases the reader is likely to be very confused. And then probably

irritated. Neither outcome is very good if that reader is your reviewer, supervisor, or proofreader!

So whats wrong with the above sentences?

1) excessive nouniness; definite ar6cle misuse2) incorrect English passive; problema6c verb choice3) incorrect English passive structure/incorrect dummyit use; noncondi6onal if4) incorrect dummyit use; definite ar6cle misuse5) incorrect expression of manner) nouniness; incorrect structure following prevent (transla6on error)7) incorrect structure following allow (transla6on error)The above explana6ons may not make much sense to you yet, but were going to go through these

different sorts of errors in the coming sessions so you will be able to RECOGNIZE them and then FIX

them in your work before you submit it to your supervisor, proofreader, or reviewer, thereby reducing

the likelihood that your wri6ng will make your reader feel confused and possibly irritated.

Thats always a good goal to have as a writer.

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The approach we are going to use in this workshopand the approach that you will con6nue to use

aZerwardsis to teach you to NOTICE that there is a problem, ANALYZE what the problem is and the

REWRITE the sentence.

Its likely that the hardest part for you is the NOTICING part: what youve wrien makes perfect sense

to you, the structure that may or may not be weird in English is perfectly fine in Spanish and so sounds

very natural to you, and of course you are probably feeling lots of pressure to send off your paper right

now. So go back to the strategies we talked about in the first session and make sure that you adopt

one or more of them right now so you can get through this crucial first step.

ANALYSING may or may not be a challenge, and most of youonce you realize that there is a problem

are usually prey good at finding another way to REWRITE the sentence. So again, while all three

are necessary, no6cingisKEY.

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Before we go into the examples and discuss solu6ons, lets take a brief look at what I mean by

nouniness and definite ar6cle misuse and why they are problems.

When I say a sentence is too nouny or has excessive nouniness what I mean is that the sentence

has too many complex or abstract nouns in it, and not enough verbs. This does two bad things to your

wri6ng. First, it makes the sentence very sta6c and unbalancedit doesnt move or flow with ac6on

or agency. Even in scien6fic wri6ng you want to avoid wri6ng that is too sta6c. The bigger problem,

however, is simply that too many complex nouns, especially those [X of Y] types of nouns that Spanish

speaking academics tend to liberally apply to their wri6ng (as we will see shortly), oZen make a

sentence difficult to read.

The problem of misusing definite ar6cles is independent of the nouniness problem, but if you are able

to eliminate or reduce a sentences nouniness, it will make it easier for you to iden6fy and fix errors in

definite ar6cle use. The key thing to remember about the definite ar6cle in English is that it is used

with things that are SPECIFIC: objects, beings, or specific instances of a concept. Most of you need tobe careful because Spanish uses definite ar6cles where English does notwith concepts. In Spanish

you can talk about the concept ofla rugosidad, but in English we talk about the concept ofroughness,

not the roughness. This is something that you all know, but you probably dont take the 6me to really

check for it. But if you have fewer nouns in your sentences, it will be easier to focus on the few nouns

and ar6cles that do remain.

Finally, remember that using the with names is redundant. By virtue of having a namewhether it be

Iaki, Dr. Pradera, Table 2, Sec6on 3.1, Chapter 4, roughness A or roughness Bit is already specific.

Just as we dont refer to somebody as the Iaki or the Dr. Pradera, we dont refer to the Table 2

or the roughness A.

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Lets now return to our specific example. As you now know, excessive nouniness is a problem

because (1) its not as usual in English as it is in Spanish, (2) its tedious to read and (3) its difficult to

parse and keep track of. Again, Spanishspeakers need to be especially careful with [X of Y] structures

simply by elimina6ng as many of them as you can will make your wri6ng more natural sounding and

easier to read.

There are many ways to rewrite [X of Y] structures. Here are a few of them:

Change the X of Y to a gerund phrase (Xing Y): (a) the considera6on of contact s6ffness

considering contact s6ffness; (b) the improvement of the revision process improving the revision

process. Using a gerund rather than a noun is very natural in English. Its also more verby, more

dynamic, and in the end more interes2ng.

Change the X (or possibly the Y or the Ying) into a verb: (a) the aim of represen6ng aims to

represent (this was further reduced to can be represented in the example, and other changes weremade elsewhere to end up with a gramma6cal sentence)

Change the preposi6on in the X of Y to a more appropriate preposi6on: (a) the joint of the full

model the joint in the full model; (b) the best contribu6ons of researchers in area XY the best

contribu6ons from researchers in area XY.


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Here are some other ways you could have resolved this par6cular problem. All of them are easy to

read and sound very natural. And no6ce that in every one weve eliminated all three [X of Y]

structures in the original sentence!

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Before we look at more examples of nouniness if your wri6ng, lets look at what C. Edward Good has

to say in his book on wri6ng and grammar,A Grammar Book for You and IOoops, me! (available on

Google books and in my public bookshelf on Google books):

The nouny writer never states something; the nouny writer makes a statement. The nouny writer

never concludes anything; the nouny writer reaches a conclusion. The nouny writer never hesitates;

the nouny writer exhibits a hesitancy. The nouny writer has apreference for nouns. But a good writer

prefers verbs. (p. 215)

So, where possible, revise your wri6ng for the following:

eliminate abstract nouns, especially [X of Y] structures

use more dynamic verbs rather than generic verbs + a noun derived from a verb (for example, make

a statement)

This will have the added benefit of reducing the number of definite ar6cles in your wri6ng, whichmeans you will be able to really focus on whether the thes you do use are correct.

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Here are more examples of sentences or parts of sentences that have problems with nouniness. How

would you fix them? The alterna6ves in blue are one way of doing that, and there may be others.

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Now that you know more about what nouniness is, why its something you need to work on

elimina6ng from your wri6ng, and how you can eliminate it from your wri6ng, its 6me to actually look

at YOUR wri6ng. You hopefully are geng beer at NOTICING nouniness in other peoples wri6ng;

now you need to make sure you can no6ce it in your wri6ng.

Take a paper youve wrien, print it out, and sit down with a pencil or a pen and underline all the [X of

Y] structures you find. Always keeping in mind the larger context that the structure appears in,

eliminate as many of those structures as you can, either by changing a noun into a verb or by

changing the preposi6on of into a more appropriate preposi6on. Other changes may have to be

made so you end up with a complete, gramma6cal sentence.

You may not be able to or even want to change every [X of Y] structure you find (aZer all, it IS a

legi6mate structure in English, but its used in a much more limited way in English and too many of

them will make your wri6ng drag), but this exercise will help you be more aware of what the good [X

of Y] structures are and when to keep them, and what the bad [X of Y] structures and how toeliminate them.

Dont forget to check the definite ar6cles that remain!

Resources for combang nouniness:

C. Edward Goods book on Google books (add this to your Google library): hp://books.google.es/

books?id=KHp1kMdSJ8MC&redir_esc=y

hp://www.kmwordsmith.com/Tips/Nouniness.pdf

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