i'm crazy jd salinger
TRANSCRIPT
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8/11/2019 I'm Crazy JD Salinger
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I s t a r t e d r u n n i n g w i t h m y s u i t c a s e s b a n g i n g t h e d e v i l o u t o f m y l e g s . I r a n a l l t h e w a y t o t h e G a t e , s t o p p e d , g o t m y b r e a t h , a n d r a n a c r o s s R o u t e 2 0 2
The heart-warming story of
a kid whose only fault lay
in understanding people so
well that most of them were
haflfled hy him and only a
very few would believe in him
I
T WAS about e ight o 'c lock a t n ight , and
dark , and ra in ing , and freez ing , and the
wind was noisy the way it is in spooky
movies on the n ight the o ld slob wi th the
wil l ge ts murde red . I s tood by the cann on
on the top of Thom sen Hil l , f reez ing to
dea th , wa tching the b ig south windows of the
gym shining b ig and br ight and dumb , l ike
the windows of a gymnasium, and noth ing
e lse (but maybe you never went to a board ing
school) .
I just had on my re versib le and n o g loves.
.Somebody had swiped my camel 's ha i r the
week before , and my g loves were in the
pocke t . Boy, 1 was co ld . O nly a c razy guy
would have stood the re . Tha t 's me . Craz y .
N o k idding , 1 have a sc rew loose . But I had
to stand the re ' to fee l the goodby to the
youngness of the p lace , a s though I were an
old man. The whole school was down be low
in the gym for the baske tba l l game with the
Saxon C hart e r s lobs, and I was standing the re
to fee l the goodby.
I s tood the re boy, [ was freez ing to dea th
a nd I kept say ing goodby to
myself.
" Go o d b y , Ca u l f ie l d . Go o d b y , y o u s l o b . " I
kept see ing myse lf th rowing a footba l l
a round, wi th Buhle r and Jackson, just be fore
i t go t da rk on the September evenings, and
[ knew I 'd never throw a footba l l a round
ever aga in wi th the same guys a t the same
t ime . I t was as though Buhle r and Jac kson
and I had done somethin g tha t had d ied and
been burie d , and only I knew abo ut i t , and
no one was a t the funera l bu t me . So I s tood
there , f reez ing .
The game with the Saxon Charte r s lobs
was in the second half and you could hear
everybody ye l l ing : deep and te rr i f ic on the
Pentey side of the gym, and sc rawny and
faggoty on the Saxon Charte r s ide , because
the Saxon bunch never brought more than
the team with them and a few subst i tu tes and
man agers . Y ou could te l l a l l r igh t when
Schutz or Kinse l la or Tut t le had sunk one
on the slobs, because then the Pentey side of
the gym went c razy . But I on ly ha l f ca red
who was winning . I was freez ing and I was
only the re anyway to fee l the goodby, to be
a t the funera l of me and Buhle r and Jackson
throwing a footba l l a round in the September
evenings and f ina l ly on o ne of the cheers 1
felt the goodb y like a real knife, 1 was str ictly
a t the funera l .
So a l l o f a sudden, a f te r i t happened, I
sta r ted running down Thomsen Hil l , wi th
my su i tcases banging the devi l ou t of my
legs. I ran a l l the way down to the G ate ;
then I s topped a nd got my brea t h ; then 1
ran ac ro ss Ro ute 202 it was icy and 1 fe ll
and nearly brok e my knee a nd then 1 d is
a p p e a re d i n t o He sse y Av e n u e . Di sa p p e a re d .
You d isappeared every t ime you c rossed a
st ree t tha t n ight . N o k idding .
Wh en I got to o ld Spencer 's ho use tha t 's
where I was going1 put down my bags on
the porch , rang the be l l ha rd and fast and
put my hands on my earsb oy, they hurt , i
s ta r ted ta lk ing to the door . "C' mon , c 'mo n "
I sa id . "O pen up . I 'm freez ing ." Fina l ly
M rs . S p e n c e r c a m e .
" Ho l d e n " sh e sa i d . " Co m e in. d e a r " S h e
was a n ice wom an. Her hot chocola te on
Sundays was st r ic t ly lousy , but you never
m i n d e d .
I go t inside the house fast .
"Ar e you frozen to dea th ? Yo u must be
soaking wet ," 'Mrs. Spencer sa id . She wasn ' t
the k ind of woman tha t you could just be a
l i t t le we t a round: you were e i the r rea l
or soaking . But she d idn ' t a sk me wha t I
doing out of boimds. so I f igured o ld Spe
had to ld her wha t happened.
I put down my bags in the hall and took
my ha t boy, I could hard ly work my
gers eno ugh to grab my ha t . I sa id . "H
a re y o u , M rs . S p e n c e r? Ho w' s M r . S p e n
g r i p p e ? He o v e r i t o k a y ? "
"Ov er i t " Mrs. Spencer sa id . "L e t me
your coa t , dear . H olden , he 's behaving
a pe rfec t l -don ' t -kno w-w hat . Go r ight
dear . He 's in h is room."
Old Spencer had h is own room next to
k i tchen . He was about six ty years o ld , m
even older, but he got a kick out of thing
a ha l f-shot way. I f you thought abou t
Spence r you wondered w ha t he was l i
for , every th ing about over for h im and
But i f you thought about h im tha t way,
were th inking about h im the wrong way:
were th inking too muc h. I f you thou
about h im just enough, not too much,
knew he was doing a l l r igh t for
himself.
a ha l f-shot way he en joyed a lmost ever y t
a l l the t ime . I en joy th ings te rr if ica l ly ,
just once in a whi le . Somet imes i t makes
t h i n k m a y b e o l d p e o p l e g e t a b e t t e r d e a l .
I wou ldn ' t t rade p laces. I would n ' t wan
(Continued on page 48)
I L L U S T R A T E D B Y L E O N G R E G O R I
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r ir
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says Happy Fox
R e g . U . S -Pat , O f f
S o l d b y o n e d e p t . s f o r e o n d t h e b e t t e r m e n s s h o p s i n y o u r t o w n .
T r u V a l M a n u f o < I
r e r s . I n c . , 2 6 1 F i f t h A v e n u e , N e w Y o r k 1 6 , N . Y.
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^Hou;
ifittcfi fs
a
(ocoinotiVe worth ?
H E price of a locomotive may range up to half
a million dollarsor more. But its worth d e
pends on what it can do.
You see, there are many different kinds of jobs
that locomotives must perform for a railroad. I t has
been common practice to meet this problem by using
many different types of locomotives, each specially
designed for cer tain types of work. Passenger loco
motives, designed primarily for speed; freight loco
motives, built chieHy for heavy hauli ng; and
"helper" locomotives, to assist on steep grades.
Now, however, as a result of long, c lose coopera
t ion be tween Amer ican Locomot ive and r a i l road
designers, locomotives are being built that can do
(7 nunihi r of special jobs and do the m w ellloco
motives that are truly multipurpose.
For example , the new "Niaga ra s , " bu i l t by
Amer ican Locomot ive for the New York Centra l ,
have set top passenger-performance records on the
c rack Commodore Vandc rb i l t runand, in adtlition,
can pull the heaviest freights at any speeds they wish
to run them. Th e N ew H aven has a la rge num ber
of diesel-electr ics, built jointly by American Loco
mot ive and Gene ra l E lec t r ic , tha t a r e doubl ing in
freight and passenger service and doing an out
s tanding job a t bo th .
The new s team locomot ives , bu i l t by Amer ican
Locomot ive for the De laware & Hudson , a r e now
haiding heavy trains, unassisted, over steep grades
where formerly it was necessary to employ two or
three "he lpe r " locomot ives .
This deve lopment means r ea l economy, because
it reduces the number of locomotives a railroad needs
to do it s job . And tha t ' s impo r tan t to you . Fo r the
more money a railroad can save, the more money it
has to improve its service.
Th is i s one of many deve lopmen ts tha t wi l l con
tr ibute to f iner railroa ding. A nd it is signif icant tha t
i t comes f rom the Com pany tha t des igned A mer
ica 's f irst diesel-electr ic locomotive, built the world's
largest steam locomotive, and supplied many of the
war locomot ives used by the Uni ted Na t ions .
TKE MAAK. OP MOOeftM LOCOMOTtO
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E x -Co rp o ra l Ba t e s f a c e d t h e n u m b i n g p o ss i b i li t y
t h a t sh e m i g h t n o t c o m e . He l o o k e d a t h i s wa t e h .
For f i f teen minutes more he could a t least hope
T
HE afte rnoon sun poured br ight ly
over the sca t te red c rowd a t the a i r
port . Ex-C orpora l Jame s Ba tes, s t i ll
in uniform, leaned aga inst the fence in front
of the runw ay. He was unaware of the sun
sh ine : i t s cheerfu l w armt h could not pene
t ra te the growing chi l l in h is hear t . He gazed
moodi ly in to the empty sky to the west .
She had not come on the morning p lane .
She might not come even th is a f te rnoon. I f
notex-Corpora l Ba tes drew a t igh t brea th .
He faced the numbin g possib i l i ty tha t she
might not come a t a l l .
Lifting a lean wrist, he looked at his watch.
The p la ne was not due for f i f teen min utes.
For f i f teen minutes more he could a t least
hope .
E, \ -Corpora l Ba tes sighed . He was turn ing
his eyes westward aga in when he became
awa re of a man standing near h im. He looked
to be in his ear ly fifties; well-d ressed and
prosperous, wi th smooth hea l thy cheeks un
der sl ight ly graying temples. He seemed to
be watching ex-Corpora l Ba tes; had been
watching h im. for pe rhaps some t ime .
The ir eyes met , and the st ranger smiled in
a fr iendly manner . "Wait ing for someone ' . ' "
" Uh y e a h , " e x -Co rp o ra l Ba t e s g ru n t e d
short ly . He turned away.
" We l l " T h e s t r a n g e r h e s i t a t e d , c h e e k e d
by the obvious coolness. Then he smiled
understan dingly . "Well , don"t worry , so ld ie r .
She 'Jf be a long."
Ex-Corpora l Ba tes sa id noth ing . He wished
the man would go away.
Instead the st ranger leaned aga inst the
fence, produced a cigar and bit off the end
re f lec tive ly . "Ta kes ine back twen t \ -s i \
years," he sa id , "see ing a l l you youngste rs
c o m i n g h o m e . W o n d e r i n g wh a t h a s h a p
pened whi le you were gone ; wondering i f you
will find things like you left them. Ye s. sir,
i t takes me back . I was in the o ther mes s."
Qui te casua l ly he offe red h is hand. "Bar
t o w ' s m y n a m e Wa rd Ba r t o w. "
The hand could not be ignored . Re luc
tan t ly ex-Co rpora l Ba les took i t . "M ine 's
Ba les," he admit ted .
"Glad to know you, '" the o lder man sa id .
He put a match to h is c iga r . "Yes , s i r . takes
me back . I remembe r the day I landed . I 'd
been two years overseas."
E x -Co rp o ra l Ba t e s m a d e n o c o m m e n t . He
edged away sl ight ly .
" T wo y e a r s . " t h e sm o o t h -c h e e k e d m a n r e
pea led . "Tha t 's a long , long t ime to be gone ."
"Ye ah, i t"s tough ," ex-Corpor a l Ba tes
agreed absent ly .
"Espec ia l ly ." sa id the o lder man, "when
the mai l se rv ice is bad . You ge t to w orry ing .
I'd left my girl in the States. Of course, I
d idn ' t expec t he r to wri te every day , but
when weeks would pass, and no le t te rs
Well , a man just can"t he lp wondering a l i t t le
t h e n . "
"Uh-huh ," sa id ex-C orpora l Ba tes. He
shif ted uncomfortab ly and turned h is eyes
westward aga in .
His companion drew on h is c iga r and
sighed reminiscent ly . "We 'd p lanned to be
marr ied r ight a f te r the war . and 1 knew sh e 'd
wait for me 1 was fairly su re of that. But
the wai t ing was so long . Night a f te r n ight
I 'd l ie awake and th ink of Li la , and wonder
just how much longer i t might be . Won der
ing , too , somet imes, i f anyth ing could have
changed, i f she st i l l ca red ."
Fx-Corpora l Ba tes g lanced a t the o lder
man with a sharp sense of i r r i ta t ion . The
man d id not look as though he had ever
suf-
fe red much. His we l l -kept f igure wore an a i r
of comfortab le contentment l ike a badi ie .
"I 'd a lways been c razy about Li la ," h is
companion cont inued . "I t wasn ' t one of those
simple boy-and-gir l a ffa i rs , no t on my part ,
a t least . Li la meant every th ing to me ."
Ex-C orpora l Ba tes winced . He wished to
high heaven the man would go and leave h im
a l o n e .
"And then a t la st , a f te r two ye ars," the
older man went on , "we were ordered home."
He paused , then added quie t ly . ' I t was (hose
last few days of wa i l ing tha t was the worst
of a l l . Kn owing tha t soon, a f te r a l l those
e n d l e s s m o n t h s , would rea l ly see hertouch
her And wondering , in a sor t o f agony, i f
she st i l l wanted to see me ."
E
X - C O R P O R A L J A M E S B . A TE S d r e w a
deep brea th and shut h is tee th t igh t ly .
He edged fa r the r a way.
"Becau .se , even though she rea l ly loved m e ,
two years i s an awful ly long t ime to be awa y.
Things can happen. And i f anyth ing had
happ ened Well , wi thout Li la . l i fe wouldn ' t
have been worth l iv ing for me ."
Ex-Corpora l Ba tes le t h is brea th out
slowly . Why couldn t t h e m a n g o a wa y
"All the way ac ross the At lan t ic , wi th the
tension growing hour by hour . Wond ering ,
hoping , tor tured by doubt . Up to the very
mom ent when a t long last we t ied up a t the
pie r ."
E x -Co rp o ra l Ba t e s e n d u re d a m o m e n t o f
si lence , then turned to h im. "We ll ," he de
m a n d e d ; " wa s sh e t h e r e ? "
The o lder ma n smiled sof t ly . " I t was a
day hke th is , a br ight sunny a f te rnoo n. From
the deck I could look down on the upturne d
faces on the p ie r"
Ex-Corpora l Ba tes suddenly st i f fened .
From the far side of the field came a long,
smooth roar . The p lane had a rr ived and was
sweeping down toward the runw ay. I t landed ,
and tax ied up to the ga te . Ex-C orpora l Ba tes
felt his chest tighten; his fingers clenched
about the wire of the fence .
He watched the passengers ge t out . Men ,
women, a g i r l o r two. No one he recognized .
No w t h e p l a n e wa s e m p t y . N o , th e r e wa s
o n e m o re . A wo m a n , a we l l -k e pt wo m a n o f
fifty, with a touc h of gray in her hair. An d
tha t was a l l .
E x -Co rp o ra l Ba t e s t u rn e d a wa y . He s t o o d
motionless, h is eyes shut aga inst the sudden
bi t te r tea rs. So th is was the end
From behind h im voices broke through
the g loom of h is thoughts. The re was a f lurry
of eager gree t ings, and a woman 's voice say
ing , "1 hope you 've not had to wai t too lon g ."
" Ha sn ' t s e e m e d lo n g . " I t wa s Ba r l o w r e
p ly ing . "Been ta lk ing wi th a f r iend here .
Like you to mee t h im. Cor pora l . . . . Oh,
Co rp o ra l "
Dul ly ex-Corpora l Ba tes turned a bout .
With Bartow stood the wom an from the
plane . She smiled a t ex-C orpo ra l Ba tes, and
there was warmth and beauty in he r smile .
" Co rp o ra l , " s a i d Ba r t o w, " I wa n t y o u t o
mee t my wife . Corpora l Ba tes, th is i s Mrs.
Bartow. The corpora l and I had qui te a ta lk
t o g e t h e r , Gra c e . "
James Ba tes took the hand she offe red .
" Gl a d t o " h e b eg a n a u t o i n a t i c a l l y , t h e n
s t o p p e d . Hi s j a w we nt s l a c k . Gra c e Wh y ,
tha t wasn ' t the name of the g i r l Bartow had
wai ted for . Li la , he 'd ca l led her . Li la , . , .
"Yes, s i r , " Bartow was saying , ' 'qu i te a
ta lk ." He g lanced a t h is wa tch . "Well , Cor
pora l , we ' l l have to be going ." His hand
c losed on ex-Corpora l Ba tes" wi th a so l id
fa rewel l gr ip . "Good luck , so ld ie r , and don ' t
you ever worry ." His f ingers t igh tened . "Just
as i sa id , she ' l l be a long."
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