i ate a double chili cheeseburger listened to lil b for 6 hours and then wrote this ebook

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  • i ate a double chili cheeseburger listened to lil b for 6 hours and then wrote this ebook by bailey simone

  • i want to have an email interview with my grandma it would be the worlds most diffifuclt interview i would have to teach my grandma my dad called me and interupted my poem i would have to teach my grandma how to use email or i would have to use a ouija board to interview my other grandma

  • this is the only true freestyle book i'm writing this book in one take i'm the eminem of books (i think eminem doesn't write down his words before he raps them) well guess what fuckrs i dont write down my words before i write down m ywords

  • the cop who invented citizens arrest probably just really didn't like his job so he let other people do it

  • i'm the only person who lives in my house who doesnt own crocs and also the only person in my house with the last name simone so i'm not sure how long i will be welcom

  • ian sandlin was my best friend and i'm so sorry he had to leave earth t o go live on a planet that isnt earth

  • i want a really famous person to interview me and theyd feel really shitty because theyre famous and i'm just a big idiot with a blog and some poems but theyre like interviewing me or something

  • transcribe my funeral and publish it and give it a bad review on goodreads

  • i have a weird feeling that everything that happens in my life is just leading up to one big infinite jest reference

  • selected statuses from my 2009 - 2010 facebook timeline: Post in from my moms iPad hahaha. 4 likes, 11 comments. thinkinaboutjoiningabowlingleague.ahahahahahahahahahahaha4likes,10comments.Theladyatthebanksaidnottodoanywilliesonthebench.Shemayhavemeantollies.4likes,12comments.Mygumjustchangedfromberrytomint....\r\r\rWHATSHAPPENINGTOME?!3likes,2comments.amakeshiftrestrainingorderinducesparalisisuntothecheeseyeyeballsofeventhemostsophisticatedsofadesigners3likes,1comment.quik!squeezeallthecharminucan!mr.whipplesoutoftown!!!0likes,0comments.JUSTFOUND50$CHRISTMASMONEY!!!ZUMIEZHEREICOME!!1like,1comment.

  • onetimeihadareallycoolideaforadrawingandistartedtodrawitanditturnedoutreallybadsoididn'twanttoevenlookatitanymorethenirealizedthatsprobablyhowgodfeels

  • thedepletionofcleanwaterineasterncountriesisbecausejesuswasupinthatbitchturningitallintowine

  • impregnatetheprolifers

  • iwanttopissonrkellyandtellhimilikehissongsiwant2mikevickstofighteachotherthenthewinnerofthatfightfightsOJsimpsonandthevictor(vicktor?)willbecrownedkingofthepeoplewhoshouldreallybeinjailrn

  • ihaveanentiretereebyteharddrivefilledwith.pdfsofpawnstarsfanfictionihavereadalloftheamericanpickersfanfictionontumvlr

  • dontreallyknowhowthispagegotleftblankbutitsnotblankanymore

  • fuckmarrykill:thefatherthesontheholyspirit

  • thefirstmantosavemoneyoncarinsuranceonthemoon

  • thwuniverseistoolargetoworryaboutmatchingyoursocks

  • whichoneofyourtweetsisthatonetweet

  • iwantthispagetobereallylongandtolooklikeitriedreallyhardaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaailiketotryandmakeeachlinethesamelengthwithoutlike,doinittherightway.likeadjustingthetexttofittheboxinsteadoflikeformattingitinindesignorsomethingggggggg........

  • a1000+pagenovelaboutawomanwithreallybigboobstitledinfinitechest

  • ifyourecigdoesn'tgetwifithengothefuckbackto2007youpieceofshit

  • whenyouwritesomethingimagineyoureyourmomreadingitandifasyourownmomyou'renotmadatyouthenyoushouldprobablychangewhatyourewritinguntilyourmadatyouasyourmomfuckingfuckfuckfuckfuckgeneralhospitalsucks

  • realizingthatidontfuckingmatterisprobablythemostliberatingnewsiveeverrecievedi'msogladthatidontfuckingmatter

  • baileysimone@allnewmateriaiswww.thetruthaboutbaileysimone.comwww.altlitpress.com2014